u/RadioDude1995

I found this piece of “advice” on another Reddit sub, and almost couldn’t believe it. The original post was all about how dating needs to be a two way street, and both parties need to be brave if you want to get anywhere. I was shocked by how many people believe that men should be entirely responsible for pursuing someone, getting them to like them, and eventually going out with them.

Personally speaking, I’m not afraid of asking someone out (as long as I feel like I’m getting genuine signs that they are interested). The issue is that most often, we (men) don’t get any clear signs. It’s hard to make any progress if you feel like you’re getting signals of apathy and disinterest.

I fully believe that dating needs to be a two way street. Do women need to ask men out all of the time? Of course not. But I’ve learned better than anyone that taking no initiative at all gets you nowhere.

I’m 31 years old, and admit that I’ve always struggled with dating. I’ve had one girlfriend in my lifetime, but that’s it. I hear a lot of people say that building muscle mass matters for men, and I’ve been trying to follow some of that advice.

I’ve been working out in a gym for over a year now, but haven’t really made any “progress” when it comes to my body shape. For context, I’m about 6’6 feet tall (200cm) and weigh about 190 pounds (91 kg). While I don’t think I’m disgustingly skinny or anything like that, putting on muscle has been a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. I started working out with a personal trainer, and she told me that my body type makes it very hard to attain the type of body that I (allegedly) need to have.

I guess I just wanted to share this frustration somewhere, since it feels like I hear the “you need to hit the gym, bro” advice every single week. If you have body type like mine, are you just screwed then?

EDIT: one thing I want to add, the people who share this advice with me (at least in real life) are often people who are much shorter than me or who are much heavier. Sometimes I wonder if they’re just trying to make me feel bad about myself lol

I’ve been curious about this. I heard that certain prolonged actions make more of a difference for a clutch than anything else. In other words, if you’re a decently skilled driver (and don’t overheat the clutch disc), you may never need to worry about replacing it. But is that an old wives tale, or is that actually based in fact?

Of course, the flip side of that would be overheating the clutch disc through bad driving techniques (which would result in more wear).

So which perspective is correct? A clutch is obviously a wear item (which won’t last forever), but it seems like it’s not like a starter (for example), which is only good for a certain number of uses.

I wanted to share this as a 31 year old guy who has always had a hard time dating. While I have had one relationship before, that’s been the extent of my experience with dating, and now I can’t help but feel like behind everyone else.

My friends and family don’t really understand it. They consistently tell me that it should be “easy” for me, since I have desirable qualities that a partner would want. But none of that ever seems to translate to success with dating. Frankly, I can’t name a time where anybody has ever been interested in me before.

To illustrate this issue a bit better:

1. I think of myself as being very sociable, open, and funny. While I don’t make a lot of friends who are men, I do make a lot of friends who are women. They think I’m great (but making a friendship isn’t the same as creating a relationship where there’s shared romantic interest).
2. I’m a well educated person who has an advanced degree and a really good career. I did sacrifice my twenties to study hard and go to grad school, but I think I’m becoming successful now.
3. I think I have interesting (and pretty unique) hobbies and interests. I like to write books, perform stand up comedy, and repair cars.
4. I think I’m pretty attractive overall. I may not have an active career as a male model, but I’m 6’6 feet tall, an in good shape, have good hair, dress well, and don’t have any notable insecurities. But despite hearing that these are the physical traits that potential partners want my entire life, it’s anything but a slam dunk.

I guess I wanted to know if anyone can relate to what I described. Maybe you feel like you have the right things going for you, but maybe it hasn’t made a difference. I wonder if anyone else can relate to the experience of trying to get to know someone you’re interested in, only to have them always choose someone else in the end. I hope it isn’t just me.

So I’m a 31 year old guy and I admit that I’ve never used a dating app before. It’s something that never really appealed to me (since I don’t like the idea of meeting random strangers on the internet and it always felt like a place for hookups, which is something I don’t personally agree with). So I’ve focused more on trying to meet people organically, but so far I’ve only had one girlfriend in my entire lifetime.

Recently one of my close friends (who is a woman who uses a dating app) showed me what she sees on Hinge on a regular basis. All I have to say is “wow.” I can definitely understand why so many women also have a hard time. If I were in her shoes, I can honestly say that none of the options would ever appeal to me. I think this is due to the fact that most profiles seem extremely low effort, or just seem very unappealing in general.

Now with that out of the way, I found this a bit demoralizing as well. I couldn’t help but look in the mirror and think “why am I still struggling with finding the right match??” My personal characteristics don’t really matter right now, but I will say that I think of myself as being a very confident person (who has nothing at all to feel self conscious about). It just seems so paradoxical that the dating options could be this bad, yet a lot of the “good options” out there remain in my situation.

I think seeing the dating app clientele really messed with me a bit. On one hand I expected to see unlimited options of guys who must be millionaires and male models (which couldn’t be further from reality), and on the other hand I can’t help but reflect on what must be wrong with me where I get passed up time and time again.

Can anyone relate to this experience at all?

I picked up a huge stack of discount 45’s the other day. Not much good in the batch, but there were a few songs I wanted to hear. I noticed that one 45 sounded particularly bad though. I’d describe the sound as being extremely “warbly.” Since I’m not sure if that’s really a word, I’ll go on to describe the experience as similar to listening to a record on a player with a belt that’s completely worn out.

It’s not my equipment. The speed on my turntable is rock solid and verified. I tried it on my highest end turntable and still got the same result.

I examined the 45 and it looks like the center hole is extremely off center. I’m not sure if that could be a factor or not, but it’s definitely part of the equation.

So what causes this to happen exactly?

I have two turntables that I’ve inherited from my parents, and then two other turntables that I purchased on my own. The two turntables I purchased are:

- Audio Technica LP120X USB. I bought it to use in my (shared) apartment where there could be more of a risk of damage or theft. Overall, it’s a great unit that comes with a solid cart. I couldn’t really ask for more for the price.
- Technics SL1200 mk4 from Japan. I bought this because it was always my dream turntable and I always wanted to have one. It came with a Nagaoka MP-20 cartridge, which is insanely good and provides amazing sound quality).

I feel like I’m already in the space of being maxed out on everything I could ever need (audio wise). The ATLP120 is a great unit, and the Technics is even better. I know there’s more expensive options out there (and some people seem to buy turntables constantly), but I feel like I’m really not going to achieve better sound than what I can get from the equipment I have now.

I’m curious where you stand on this, and where you feel like there’s a diminishing return for the money you spend.

I just wanted to share my recent experience as a 31 year old guy. To be clear, I’m not very “experienced” when it comes to dating and relationships. I’ve had one girlfriend in the past, but that’s basically it.

My friend recently tried to set me up with another friend of hers. I was already feeling a little reluctant, but I decided to trust her and see if it would be a match. I went on the outing with my blind date, and honestly had a decent time. The girl she set me up with was very pretty, but definitely had a lot of noticeable tattoos and piercings. Confounding the issue was that she talked a lot about partying and clubbing (I don’t really drink nor am I interested in clubbing), and she also vapes.

Overall, I just didn’t get the impression that we’re suited to be a good match. My family (or mainly my dad) has always been very strict about how I would never be allowed to come home again if I ever got a tattoo or a piercing, so I feel like that alone is a bit of a dealbreaker for me. I know I’m going to get a lot of critiques because of this, but you can’t always change the core values that your family instills in you.

My friend is a bit irritated that it didn’t work out. She said that I’m clearly shallow and will probably always be alone. Honestly, from my perspective it just feels like I put myself out there, but realized that the person i went on a date with is probably not the right one for me.

TLDR: does it make me a bad person to have tattoos and piercings as a dealbreaker?

I just wanted to share this, because it’s been a bit of a tough day. I feel pathetic even writing this (as a 31 year old guy), but here we go. I recently met someone from my company who I seemed to really hit it off with. She seemed almost too good to be true. We had so many things in common, and got along so well. I felt (for the first time in a long time) like I had truly met my perfect match. I know that they say you shouldn’t date people you work with, but I was willing to take the risk for someone who seemed perfect for me (and I bet you’d do the same).

Of course, it didn’t end up going anywhere. I tried to get to know her better without putting pressure on her or anything. Our conversations seemed to get a bit more distant, and then I found out that she was going out with another guy who also works here. I honestly was shocked, since I objectively think I’m better than the person she ended up selecting (but the heart wants what it wants I guess). I can’t even be hard on myself because I know I did everything right. I’m usually the first one to kick myself for saying the wrong thing or screwing up, but I know that I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’m honestly devastated though. As someone who doesn’t really date very much and has only had one relationship in his entire life, I thought I was finally on the right track (but it looks like I was fooling myself).

I just wanted to know if anyone else has been through the same thing before. Maybe then I won’t feel like I messed up. I have no idea where I’ll ever meet someone who makes me feel like this again, but hopefully next time it works out and doesn’t leave me with this feeling lol.

Hi everyone,

I’m 31M, and am really struggling. I’ve been with my partner (31F) for almost three years now, and we’re planning on getting married sometime next year. Admittedly she’s kind of my first relationship, so my experience in dating and relationships is very limited.

When our relationship began, I would say that we had a very normal sex life. I waited longer than most people since I wanted to get to know her properly first, but there was nothing at all wrong with our sex life after we started doing it.

Now? I couldn’t even tell you the last time we slept together. She wants to, but I don’t. Recently, I’ve been questioning the relationship a bit, how she behaves towards me, and other things. It’s made me not feel comfortable anymore sharing that level of intimacy. I know she wants to sleep with me, but it’s sort of like I just feel numb. I would love to rekindle our sex life, but it just feels like there’s a mental block preventing it. Sort of like my brain saying “you can’t do this.”

I don’t know what else to do. There’s nothing medically wrong with me. I also go to therapy. I’m a healthy person who seems to have a pretty healthy sex drive. But in the context of my relationship, it’s not working.

Does anyone have any advice?

I wanted to talk about this, since this is something that deeply affected my relationship.

My partner and I came from very different countries and cultural backgrounds. I am American, whereas she is from a country that is known for being much more religious, with stronger values about sex and relationships.

Going into the relationship, I always knew that RJ could be an issue (though admittedly I didn’t know what RJ was at the time). The one thing I knew for sure is that my dating experience was quite a bit more limited than hers. While I didn’t grow up particularly religious, I grew up in a smaller town where opportunities to date and have relationships weren’t abundant. She, on the other hand, had grown up in big cities where it was a lot easier to find someone to date.

Looking back, I really feel like the trigger point that started my RJ struggle (and dead bedroom issues) is when she told me that she wanted to date an American guy because she perceived us as being “more adventurous” in the bedroom, and that we would be unencumbered by the social expectations that existed where she grew up.

In a sense, I think she expected me to be more of a playboy type. I’ve had people assume this about me before (though these assumptions couldn’t be further from reality). I just think it hurt me to know that she was dating me for all of the wrong reasons (and for all of the wrong qualities that I do not have).

I’m betting that most people cannot relate to this exact experience, but I think we can all relate to the experience of developing RJ over social expectations for us to be something we aren’t (and can’t be). Maybe this is you, maybe it isn’t. But hopefully this helped.

Here’s my situation:

I’m 31 with a MBA. I have no debts whatsoever, and have about $20,000 CAD in savings.

At the top of my career, I made about 80-90k CAD (this was right after completing my MBA). My boss at that job didn’t really care for me or my approach, so she ended up firing me after looking for the smallest excuse she possibly could. I worked from home on a Friday (when nobody else was in the office), and the next Monday I was terminated for not being there in person.

I now work in a call center answering phones (sort of like Michael Scott on The Office). I make 50k per year CAD.

I really can’t contribute anything to my savings, as I have to pay my $1,600 rent (actually pretty affordable for Canada). I also need to save up as much as I can to make repairs on my 2004 Honda accord.

I hope this post made you feel better 🌈 you heard it from the real life George Costanza over here.

I’m 31(m), and my partner (31f) have been in a dead bedroom situation for a few months now. We’ve been dating for three years and have plans to get married next year.

The dead bedroom is entirely my fault. I lost interest in having a sexual life after going through some rather unpleasant things. I became very stressed out due to the way that my family treats me, and because of the other challenges of life. It didn’t mean that I stopped loving her, but I needed space. I go to therapy now to work through it. I don’t experience any sort of chemical depression that needs to be medicated (but more or less brought on by the fact that I deal with difficult family members all day to a point of feeling exhausted). Therapy has been great for helping me put up boundaries with some of these toxic people.

My partner takes sex very seriously though, and I know that it’s unacceptable for her that I’m not willing to have sex with her right now. It reached a boiling point recently where she actually forced me to have sex with her (something that felt very uncomfortable for me, and has just exacerbated the dead bedroom issue).

I’m not really sure where to go from here honestly. I sense nothing but feelings of animosity when I interact with her. I almost feel like this isn’t fixable now. I feel like I’m getting my “spark” back (and the dark clouds are finally lifting) but the way she’s treated me has had the opposite effect. Walking on eggshells and feeling like the person I live with hates me definitely doesn’t help.

Im curious how you would go about navigating a situation like this.

This is how I rank the cartridges that I own/use:

1. Nagaoka MP-20. This one was a bit of a surprise. I had never used a nagaoka cartridge before until I bought a used technics turntable online. By far, this has been my favorite cartridge so far. The sound and detail I get out of it blows me away every time I play a record. I thought I’d end up replacing it, but honestly I think I’ll stick with nagaoka for as long as I own the turntable. I’ll eventually swap out the stylus for a modern MP-200 when it wears out, but I won’t change a darn thing with the cart body.

2. A vintage Audio Technica AT96E. This cartridge is attached to an old turntable I inherited from my dad. This is another cart that really pushes above its weight and sounds extremely warm.

3. Suminko Oyster. This is a cartridge that I inherited from my mom’s old turntable. I believe this cartridge is more “budget friendly,” but it sounds great. I could have swapped it out, but ultimately I’ve decided just to keep it because I like the way it sounds.

4. Audio Technica ATVM95E. This is the cartridge that came with my ATLP120 turntable. Overall, I’ve been very happy with it. I don’t think it tops my list, but I think it’s a great cartridge overall. A lot of people swap it out for something else, but I treat my ATLP120 as a secondary turntable for my apartment and I don’t really feel like I need to upgrade it any further.

5. Audio Technica ATVM95C. Again, a very solid cart overall. I basically use this cartridge as a “spare.” It’s very affordable, and easy to find at most electronics store (at least near me). The sound probably isn’t going to blow you away, but it’s perfectly acceptable for my standards.

How do you rate your cartridges?

I’m not even sure if this is related to RJ or not. And I’m quite positive that the feedback I get is not going to be good (and I’m already prepared for the negative comments). As you know, I’m a 30 year old guy who has experienced some difficult personal challenges due to RJ. I think you know the story by now, but I’ve never been good at dating and have had very few relationships (basically my current relationship, and one other previous relationship).

Before yesterday, my partner and I haven’t had any intimate moments in months. I just haven’t felt like it based on the tension that exists between us. I’m not stupid. I know she’s upset that I experience RJ, and I know that she’s not happy about there being a lack of intimacy and no sex.

Last night, she told me that she really feels like this isn’t working. I couldn’t help but agree. I know that these issues are confounding. She wanted to sleep with me, and expressed that “no” wasn’t an acceptable answer. I said “no,” but she kept pushing the issue further and further until she was forcibly removing my clothes.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this situation. I told a friend about it and they acted like it was some sort of a joke, but I don’t really see it that way at all. RJ made me feel uncomfortable with intimacy (there’s no arguing that), but what happened feels a bit violating to me. It ended up happening the way she wanted but I am struggling to accept that any feeling of personal choice that I had was basically taken away from me in that moment. And sure, I’m a much larger person than she is (so I could have just walked away), but it was almost the type of situation where you feel like you can’t do that or else your situation could become more hostile or worse.

I totally understand that what happened to me doesn’t even come close to being by anything like the traumatic experiences some people (unfortunately) have, but I don’t think I can look at her the same now after that happened. Frankly, I don’t even know *what* to think.

Does anyone have any insight on a situation like this?

I’ve been driving manual for about 15 years now. I’m almost ashamed to admit that it’s taken me 15 years to basically figure out how my car ticks, what works well for it, and what doesn’t work well for it. I’ve also driven the same car since I was in high school (2004 Honda Accord with a 5 speed manual), and have never really driven anything else.

Second gear has always been a sticking point for me. My car is pretty slow in general, but second gear has always been challenging since you have to shift at a lower speed and lower RPM to make it smooth. This has resulted in getting honked at from time to time on busy roads with fast speed limits (where people expect you to be able to get up to speed at the same rate as a Tesla).

In the past few months, I finally realized that shifting early (at a low speed or RPM) is not the only solution to get into second gear smoothly. Giving the car a little extra power also does the trick. Think of it like starting from a stop, pushing the car a little harder than I would normally (around 3,500 RPM), and shifting into second when a little more momentum has been built up. I typically find that I’m more comfortable doing this if I’m the first one at the stoplight (and haven’t been honked at since). It’s not as smooth as shifting early, but it’s not bad. My car grinds quite a bit if I shifted anywhere between 2,500 and 3000 RPMs, but once I get above? It’s much better.

Anyway, I hope this helps someone. I feel like an idiot for not realizing sooner that my car would react well to a little more power in first gear, but every car is different. If nothing else, don’t feel bad about struggling with second gear because at least you’re driving manual and doing what feels other people (in North America) can do.

As many of you know, I’ve been looking for a turntable to use in my apartment. I have some higher end turntables that I keep at my family’s home, but I decided not to bring any of these turntables to my apartment where it’s a shared space with roommates.

I decided to look for something mid grade that will get the job done, and would be durable enough to take a little abuse (and probably move around a few more times). I tried a vintage Sony turntable, but that turntable turned out to be a mess. The electronics were failing and it required more work than I could reasonably put into it.

Ultimately, I ended up with an Audio Technica ATLP120X USB. It was the only turntable that made any sense for my situation. It feels pretty durable, and has all of the same basic features as my prized Technics SL1200. I was drawn to this turntable because the overall design feels very familiar to me. I paid $350 USD (which seems a little high), but it still seemed like a better deal than other options on the market.

I looked at a few other brands, but nothing really stood out to me as an obvious choice. The other brands are intriguing, but I’ve never been that interested in belt drive. Not to mention, I’m not crazy about the minimalistic design of many of the new tables. For the price, I think this makes option makes the most sense.

We’ll see how it holds up! But for now, I’m glad I have a working turntable that I don’t need to worry about. It works, and I don’t need to worry if it gets scratched and dented up a bit from use from other people in my living space who aren’t me.

Some of you may remember by never ending saga with the vintage Sony PS-11 turntable that I picked up off of Craigslist and tried to get working. It never worked properly, and I think it’s time to finally let it go and just get something else.

I was trying to go vintage (at an affordable price of $100 all-in) since my listening space isn’t ideal. I quickly learned that $100 doesn’t go that far. In fact, the $100 I spent was a total loss since I think I’m probably going to give the Sony away.

I think Fluance may be the best option right now, as they have some pretty attractive models at fair prices. But would it be smart to just get a bare bones RT-80? Or would I be wise to consider an upgrade like the RT-82?

I’m curious if anyone has experience with both and would share their thoughts!

I’m 30, and have just been put on a PIP (performance improvement plan) for the first time in my life. This was a bit of a shock, as I’ve consistently been a hard worker my entire life and feel like I’ve been trying my best in my current role.

I had a meeting with my manager and HR today, and really felt like they’re trying to get me to leave. To be fair, I can understand their perspective, as I never really felt like I connected well with this team. I came in with the best of intentions but felt like the job that I interviewed for was much different than what it actually is. I’ve gotten great reviews from the clients I’ve worked with, but according to my managers, I’ve done nothing right (when they were promoted to say something positive about my performance, they refused to answer the question).

The most shocking part is that there are a few projects that I’ve really done well on (one of which was the main project I was hired for). According to my manager, that project is a “throwaway project” that really isn’t part of the regular business operations (and therefore none of the great work I did on it matters).

All in all, I think I really need to get as far away from this environment as I possibly can. Admittedly, I’m still in shock from all of this since I’ve never had an issue like this before. Fortunately, I do have a masters degree and think my skills might be better suited elsewhere (so I’m spending hours a day applying to other roles).

Is there anything else I can (or should) do? Am I basically just on a fixed timeline before I’m fired? And if I am fired, is my life over?

Edit: one thing I should mention, I do work in a unionized environment and my union rep has been amazing. He said that he could help me switch to a different role at my organization since this really doesn’t seem fair. I’m not sure if that’s worth exploring or if I should just leave all together anyway.

I’ve posted a few times about my rather bad experience buying a vintage 1970’s Sony turntable off of facebook. I still think this turntable could still be salvaged, but likely by someone else who isn’t me.

I’m debating if I should try rolling the dice on vintage again, or maybe look at a Fluance RT-80 (which I could use right out of the box and not worry about). Fluance seems to have what I’m looking for, albeit in a turntable that doesn’t really have sentimental value. Also, the prices don’t seem terribly offensive. I’m also considering a U-Turn orbit basic.

My “good” turntable is my vintage Technics SL1200 MK4, which I normally use at my parent’s house. I cherish that turntable way too much to move it into my apartment. I’d like to get some sort of “beater” turntable to use while I’m in a shared living space, but don’t really know which route to go.

After essentially throwing $100 away on this Sony experiment, would you recommend rolling the dice on vintage again? Or should I just pay up a bit and get something that works?