r/retroactivejealousy

How do I Forget as in, not let them bother me? I don’t want to hold onto this for a long time. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, we were friends before and he shared some details beforehand about his sex life with his ex girlfriend , and also continued to over share when dating. Sometimes I think he’s been a little overly graphic, I remember him telling me a story about how a family member walked in on him and her, and he stayed “inside her” and it just conjures such vivid imagery in my mind , like I can picture the kinks they’d enjoy, the position they were in, ect. He’s shared other details like the fact she crawled on the floor for him , that she’d like wearing an apron while she was naked. Though some of these were prompted from a question, like me asking him “what are you into?” I wasn’t expecting details about his past. I’m also shocked he remembers these things so vividly, considering he has a bad memory. He also described the memories as “fun” and hot, which is so disturbing to know. I also keep obsessing over the uncertainty, I wish I knew all the details in some way like he said they used food and I want to know what food. It’s hard for me to erase these images in my mind, and I really want to let them go, what comfort could be offered considering what was said,can’t be un- said. It makes me feel so inferior, and hurts to imagine him being so steamy with someone else. How could this be addressed with him if it should? Any tips on lessening the power of these images?

Something that bothers me now too, is that he said he tried different outfits with her, and the outfits are ones I wear daily (thigh highs and mini skirt), so it’s so weird to me that what I wear daily is a fetish to him and just something he would sleep with his ex in.

Hey everyone, looking for some perspective and advice on how to handle severe retroactive jealousy (RJ) before taking a major step forward with my partner.

The Relationship:

We’ve been together a few months, and it’s easily the most emotionally mature, secure, and deep connection I’ve ever had. She is incredibly self-aware, nurturing, and handles my insecurities with absolute grace. Recently, I opened up to her about some of my triggers, and instead of getting defensive, she literally held me and said she wanted to help me navigate them. We are talking about formal commitment/exclusivity this coming weekend.

Our Sex Life:

Objectively incredible. We both openly agree that we are the best sex each other has ever had. It’s a perfect mix of deep emotional intimacy and high passion. We don’t hold back on giving on expressing the desire for what we need. And it has never been met with any defence. It’s so open and freeing as sex should be.

The Issue (The Past & The RJ):

Despite how amazing things are, my brain keeps getting stuck on her past. She had a "wild" sabbatical year a while back where she was reckless and had various casual encounters. When I look at that period, my anxious brain views it as this cinematic, high-intensity, uninhibited "crazy wild side" that I missed out on, and it gives me intense pangs of jealousy.

I’ve caught myself wanting to ask forensic, interrogative questions (like asking if she’s ever had sex in public) just to fish for reassurance, which I know is toxic self-harm for the relationship.
When I accidentally referred to that period of her life as her "exploits," she gently corrected me and said, "You call my misery exploits." She is a tomboy and has hooked up with several friends and several friends have over the years expressed desire for her.

Where I’m Stuck:

I know my jealousy is irrational. I have a messy, chaotic sexual past myself, but I easily grant myself the grace to say "that was just noise, it meant nothing," while struggling to give her that same grace. I'm terrified that entering a formal commitment will amplify my anxiety and make me want to police her or control the narrative.

How do I stop viewing her past survival mechanisms as "glamorous exploits" I'm competing with?
How do I ground myself in the present reality when a hot flash of RJ hits?
For those who overcame this, did talking to your partner about the loop itself (without grilling them for details) help, or did it make it worse?
Thanks in advance.

I’ve been married to my husband for many years, and 22 years together overall. And overall he has been a good husband. He loves me, has been loyal, and has stayed through a lot. But recently something happened that completely shattered me emotionally.

During a Valentine’s weekend getaway, I was feeling vulnerable and trying to reconnect with him. I told him I wished he had been my first and my everything, and that I had never dated anyone else before him. I asked if he wished the same about me.

Instead of saying something romantic like “yes, I wish it had always been you,” he said something like, “we worked out because we were older and mature.”

He says he misunderstood what I was asking and didn’t mean it that way. But it broke me. It made me feel like I wasn’t chosen because he loved me, but because I was the safe/logical choice.

For context, early in our relationship, around the first few months, he broke up with me because of confusion involving an ex. He says he never acted on getting back with her, and that he realized he loved me and came back. And said he loves me for the first time which was a significant moment in our relationship. He has stayed with me ever since and says I’m the love of his life. But now I keep questioning everything about the beginning of us.

The hard part is that the way he pursued me in the beginning felt like something out of a movie. He noticed me before I even knew he had a crush on me. He remembered what I wore, remembered conversations, and worked so hard to win me over. I honestly thought our beginning was one of the most beautiful parts of my life. That’s why this hurts so much now , because I keep wondering if it was real, or if I was just the safe choice, once his ex was back in the picture. That was one of the most devastating part of our relationship.

I grew up in a broken family and didn’t see healthy love at home. My dad and sister have both cut contact with me in recent years, so I think I relied on my husband as my main emotional safety. Our beginning was one of my favorite parts of my life because I thought I finally had my love story. Now it feels like that story cracked.

I’ve been waking up sad and angry, crying a lot, losing sleep, losing weight, and obsessively thinking about his past and our dating days. Even old pictures bother me. I think I’m dealing with retroactive jealousy and depression.

My husband is trying to reconnect now. He says he loves me more than ever and wants to plan date nights and be intimate. I want to feel close to him again, but I feel hurt, anxious, and disconnected.

Has anyone gone through something like this, where an old wound suddenly reopened years later? How do you stop obsessing over the past and start feeling safe in the relationship again? And how do you forgive someone who has loved you for years, but still hurt you deeply in the beginning?

I know that I should have focused on this before we actually got serious because he was open about it. He talked a little TOO much about all his past partners and sometimes even described sexual events in detail. It didn't bother me that much at the beginning of our relationship because I genuinely like him/love him and I looked past it. But now that I've caught him looking at porn and stuff, idle hands are the devil's plaything, and I keep thinking "isn't it kind of weird he had this spank bank of memories of all these random girls".

It just grosses me out. I'm a bit ashamed to say I've shamed him a lot about it but hear me out: He's very insecure and he used to try to shame me a lot to overcompensate or whatever. He would act like I was some kind of promiscuous person and convince himself he was justified in his high body count because he clearly is very sensitive about it. For context, I've been with two men and one woman besides him. He's been with at least 15 women (I suspect more) and a handful of men as well. He had a lot of random hookups and he even had a threesome with his ex-girlfriend's best friend. He also paid some girl $20 for a blowjob like a few months before we got together and I was disgusted when I found out.

I'm not mad because I want to have experienced more sex or whatever. It's about the fact that I think it says something negative about his character. Especially since he'll randomly call me sexual slurs or act like I'm cheating or like I'm promiscuous because he feels bad about himself. Just today he got mad and was like "are you calling me a wh*r3?!" (I wasn't, it was in response to some random comment)

I think the resentment stems from the fact that he probably gave me HPV. I had a clean pap smear since discovering I had it, so it cleared up, thankfully. But deep down I also worry that he'll cheat or something and give me some other STD. I guess in all honesty I do think of him as a promiscuous person and I look down on him for his past.

I also think it's gross that he never says anything nice about his ex-gf but talks nicely about the best friend that was in the threesome. Creepy.

I’m 25 F my boyfriend is 23 M and he struggles with RJ. Is there something I can do to help him or reassure him/relieve his mind of triggers? I feel like he’s always in his head and occasionally goes nonverbal with me and possibly because we have talked about my past. I told him we can’t talk about my past anymore because I didn’t think it benefited either of us and it was unnecessary to talk about. I don’t know how to help him because I don’t know a lot about RJ. He is going to therapy and I think that helps but any advice would be helpful!

My (39M) wife (33F) and I have been married 7.5 years, together for 10. Two kids, great life. I’ve been struggling with RJ ever since I learned of my wife’s promiscuous past by going through her messages several months ago.

My issue is not that my wife was with other men, but that she was more adventurous in bed with other men than she’s ever been with me.

I really struggled and still do a lot of the time. Frequent breakdowns, started seeing a therapist, started taking an SSRI.

My wife knows I’m struggling and, while I’ve shared bits and pieces of details with her, I haven’t told her the full story of going through her phone and seeing this uninhibited side of her. It eats at me, and despite every instinct telling me I shouldn’t, I really want to clear the air and tell her what I know.

I don’t want to keep carrying this alone but I fear telling her will backfire. I invaded her privacy by going through her phone and now I’m dredging up her past.

For those of you who have come forward to your partner about your RJ, how did that conversation go? Did it help or hurt the relationship?

I’ve been talking romantically with someone who told me they struggle with retroactive jealousy. I found this subreddit, and I’m seeking advice from people who have had partners that were able to help with this. I really like this person, and I want something serious with them, but they worry a lot because of my romantic and sexual past. Sometimes when they bring up my sexual past, it feels like they're attacking me or calling me “ran through,” so I tend to get defensive, and I think it only ends up making things worse. I’m starting to feel doubt about if I can really handle this because I try to reassure them a lot, but it doesn’t seem to help. What should I do?

How does your partner support you? I think I’ve been dealing with RJ for sometime now and I’m curious for those who are also suffering, have your partners done anything that’s alleviated your mind? Like there’s also the “you’re the only one I want” or the “I’m with you because I love you” lalala the usual. But has your partners done anything beyond the verbal reassurance that’s genuinely helped you out?

Looking for some advice...I (27 F) have been dating my (33 M) boyfriend for two years, we just recently got engaged. I am struggling with RJ. His parents have made it clear they dont approve of me because I am not Indian. His ex was Indian and I just found out that when they were dating and he brought her over to introduce, the entire family met her and they all celebrated the idea of them getting married. We have been engaged and I have yet to meet his extended family and all I got was a mere "congratulations" from his parents. He loves me and I have no doubt in that but I do feel like I am constantly thinking that he would rather be with his ex. I dont want to compromise my relationship but I am dying with RJ. I constantly am looking at the girls social media and seeing her life and imagining what it was like when they dated.

I (24F) and my bf (26M), have been together for just over a year and a half, and I’m really in love with him, and I see a lifelong future with him. But I struggle with RJ really badly. I’ve always been jealous of his most recent ex, they lived together, and had pets together, all the things I want with him, but I don’t have. My bf has had many gfs, and has hooked up with a few girls too, I had a one relationship before him, but I never had any form of intimate relations with him. My bf has slept with many women, and I lost my v to him. It makes me like I’m not special to him at all, just one of many, I gave himself all of me, while he’s done that countless times like it means nothing. I feel worthless, and that we will never have anything special between us. Like I waited for him (not knowing who it was gonna be) but I didn’t give myself away until I knew he was the one, I don’t get why he couldn’t have done the same, clearly intimacy doesn’t mean what it means to me. I want to get over this, because I love him deeply, I ordered a self help book about RJ specifically, but I’m looking for any advice at all until my book arrives. I can’t stop spiralling.

This is dumb and I know it so nobody needs to tell me. I don’t genuinely feel like something is wrong with my relationship and my boyfriend always tells me how beautiful and stunning he thinks I am. Megan Fox was the root of my teenage insecurities. Literally hated myself for not looking like her and knowing I would not look like her as an adult. Transformers came up in conversation and my boyfriend said he thought she was so hot back then and remembered her boobs bouncing a lot. He was laughing about it. I just didn’t say anything bc I didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to admit I felt insecure but he realized anyways and said “I’m sorry. I’ll stop” I do not think he meant to hurt my feelings at all. Ive never told him that bc I do not share that information often as it triggers a lot of shame for me because I felt like I should have known better than to think I could ever look like a stylized and photoshopped version of a celebrity but it didn’t stop the insecurity from forming. That comment brought me right back to being 14-19 and feeling deeply insecure. It kind of always stayed an insecurity and it had gotten easy to ignore until that comment happened.

I normally just visit these Reddit posts via the browser, but I honestly am completely lost and need any help I can get. I apologize if my thoughts are scattered here, but I’m deep in the hole right now.

For context, I am a 20 year old male and I’m running on 6 months with the best girlfriend I could have asked for — like seriously life changing in the best way imaginable. I have had a total of three prior relationships and one fling that I regret in hindsight. Both my girlfriend and myself are currently at a military academy — similar to ROTC if you’re familiar — and that makes it a little tricky mental health wise. I have attended a couple counselings with the psychology office on base and was unofficially-officially diagnosed with OCD (my psychologist offered an official diagnosis and recommended a referral to the medical side but I ultimately denied over a fear of being disqualified from the military).

I consider myself quite versed in the different forms of OCD and ways to cope. I have been practicing ERP for years and feel confident in identifying obsessions and avoiding compulsions. I understand that this retroactive jealousy and ROCD is triggered by the fact that I have an unbelievable amount of love for this woman. Towards the start of the relationship, I found myself running through small, manageable loops that are, at this point, normal for me at the start of the relationship. I was able to overcome those and was doing perfectly fine for a good bit.

However, about a week ago, I completely gave into the compulsions. I have a million different emotions and regrets about the decision I made, but I’m trying to just accept the facts at this point. She was spending the night and fell asleep before me; I caved and began looking through her phone. I found a text exchange between her and a couple friends talking about how she had sex with a guy from the male equivalent of her varsity team during a summer training. I’ve read a couple posts on this sub and understand that there could be way worse things to experience in regard to a partner’s past, but this hit me in a way that I never expected — especially considering that I’ve been with multiple women with a sexual past.

I spent about a day totally trapped in the situation: the guilt and shame of invading her privacy, the shame of being disgusted/angry of her past, and upset at the fact that I felt such a feeling of injustice even though I have done the same exact things. I thought I had the situation under control; though a couple thoughts popped up every once in a while, I felt that it had no real effect on my life.

Last night, I was invited to join her and a couple of her friends for a dinner. Over the course of the table discussion, there were talks of the aforementioned summer training and her team in general. As these topics continued to come up, I found myself more and more controlled by the thoughts and images of her with another man. It got to a point where I was almost completely nonverbal at the table. She noticed it and we had a private talk after dinner. She knows I have OCD, but I’ve been intentionally careful about telling her details to ensure she doesn’t feed into any compulsions: I’ve explained that I might “be a little weird sometimes,” that there’s nothing that she can do to help, and that I just have to work this out by myself. I ended up completely breaking down and crying in her arms, but kept the thoughts and triggers out of the discussion. She has no idea I found out about this and I plan on taking my actions to the grave.

I can’t get these thoughts out of my head and my traditional methods for coping with OCD just haven’t been working. I don’t know how I am supposed to “let a thought be” without entertaining it and feeding the loop. I made an absolute fool of myself at that dinner. I feel like an asshole for making my girlfriend feel like she did something wrong by not talking to her. I feel like a failure as a man because I have this externally visible problem that I have no answers to. I am so hopeless and lonely.

I am a mess and honestly don’t even know what I’m asking for. Has anyone experienced something like this? How do I let a thought ruminate without entertaining it? How do I accept the fact that my girlfriend has past relationships? Why do I feel like she’s somehow wronged me even though I’ve had more of a sexual history than her?

Thank you for reading. It helped to just get this all into words if nothing else. Any help or advice is appreciated, and good luck to those struggling with these same problems. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.

I originally posted this in the DeadBedrooms subreddit but the commenters were MEAN over there. I can’t figure out why I deserved that ☹️ So I deleted & figured I’d try again in this sub, in hopes of some kindness here.

My man is divorced from his ex for about 5 yrs. He and I have been together for the past 2 yrs, but over the past year, have dwindled down on the frequency of sex. Like 1-2 times per month MAX. I am an extremely good communicator, so I have told him several times in a calm/clear way, that this is not meeting my needs, I’m feeling hurt and undesired, what can I do to help improve from my end, etc etc etc etc.

He always says the same thing: “it’s not you, it’s just a me problem…” but he REFUSES to communicate healthily & define an actual problem.

I’m not sure what compelled me to ask yesterday (and I regret doing so because I hurt my own feelings), but I asked what the frequency was with his ex-wife. He said 2x PER WEEK. It makes me feel so sick, and retroactively jealous, that she was getting her needs met 2x a week easily, and I can only get my needs met 2x a month if I’m lucky. It sounds evident that the problem IS ACTUALLY me, but he won’t admit it ☹️ Any advice? Am I taking this too seriously? Is there another layer here that’s contributing to my RJ? Idk. Thank you

Hi everyone! I’m not sure but I think my partner might be suffering from RJ and it’s really starting to have a strain on our relationship, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I keep trying to prove the past doesn’t mean anything but he doesn’t seem to believe it. Maybe someone has experience with it and can tell me whether this even is RJ.

The situation is the following: we’ve been dating for 7 months, and for most of it it’s been a really beautiful and exciting time.

However, recently things started to change. In the course of our relationship he’s already confronted me with a few things which him feel unsafe, we managed to resolve them and they were never rooted in anything that he had to actually worry about. Maybe it’s important to note here, that he’s been heavily cheated on and gaslighted in his past relationship.

Now one thing we can’t seem to resolve: in my bedroom there’s a drawer next to my bed. Now in this drawer were also seggs toys, one from a previous relationship (some cheap kind of hand cuff things). I didn’t think much of them, I’ve not used them in a long time. Now my partner noticed them and since then it’s been going downhill. I understand the irritation and threw them away, also acknowledging that it can be perceived as insensitive/ it can be quit irritating to be confronted with ones se*ual past like this. I do feel really silly for this, I obviously could’ve thought to put them away.

However since 4 weeks this topic has been dominating our relationship and we can’t seem to move past it.

I try to explain it was just some fun in a long term relationship, like most people try some things. But regardless his mind keeps taking him to other places and he’s having intrusive thoughts and Images of me doing all sorts of things, which never actually happened.

We’ve had a couple of conversations which felt like an interrogation about my se*ual past, which always leave me feeling somewhat ashamed even though I have nothing to be ashamed of in reality. The worst is, he’s now starting to draw conclusions about what kind of person I might actually be, how I might have a „dark side“ , which is not trust worthy and I keep hiding from him.

It’s so irritating, because for me it’s literally just some old se*toys. And I do understand the irritation but the proportions of the space this has been taking in our relationship are just crazy . Everything I tell him how they don’t mean anything and it was just some fun in a past relationship he becomes soothed, but soon after he starts having doubts, experiencing these images.

I’m at end of my tether. I don’t want to be drawn out as a person I’m not, however I do want to support him in this. All I’ve shown him is loyalty and support because I do love this man very much, but it’s becoming really hurtful to be questions as a whole person like this.

So now my question, does anyone how some advice how to deal with this? For both of us? We’re both really, really trying but we do feel quite helpless with it. The thoughts just seem to keep coming back, no matter how much I explain or show how trust worthy I am..

I’ve been struggling with retroactive jealousy for a while now — especially about my girlfriend’s past and the fact that her first sexual experience was with another guy. Before her, I had intimate experiences too, but never full sex. At the same time, the sex between us now is genuinely amazing, our connection feels strong, and in normal moments I feel really good with her. The problem is that whenever her past comes up, something inside me just breaks emotionally. Earlier in the relationship, she told me that she didn’t really want it back then and that the guy kind of pushed things. Because of that, I started seeing the whole situation in my head as something negative for her. She also once told me that if she had known we would end up together, she never would’ve done it.
But recently we talked about the past again, and she said something like:

“I analyzed other moments with him, not sex but intimacy in general, and honestly he was a normal person, no hate.”
That completely destroyed me emotionally. Not because she said she wants him back or loves him, but because it sounded so different from before. Much calmer, warmer, and almost without regret. At the same time, she previously told me that I’m her first “real” sexual experience. But for some reason that doesn’t comfort me at all. The weirdest part is that she probably doesn’t even realize how much this triggers me. I barely show it externally, but internally I start getting obsessive thoughts, comparisons, mental images, and in the moment it can completely kill my desire for sex. After that conversation I even muted her notifications because I didn’t want to see messages for a while. I want a healthy normal relationship and I don’t want to live in constant jealousy over the past, but this triggers me badly, and I honestly haven’t even deeply explored the topic of retroactive jealousy yet. And I still don’t fully understand what exactly hurts me so much:

— the fact she had a past,

— the way she talks about it,

— the contradiction between her old and new statements,

— or the feeling that I became less “special.”

I don’t know if this is something people can normally work through or if things like this eventually destroy relationships. Any advice?

So I have had a problem with jealousy in the past because I have had problems with previous partners either crossing boundaries with exes. When my bf and I had started dating we both agreed to no contact with anyone we had dated or had a fling with in the past. He has blown up on me alot for this in the beginning with accusations which had affected our relationship and lied when I asked multiple times about him having exes on social media or keep in contact with them. I had asked him if he had kept anything from an ex and he had reassured me many times he hadn’t. He had started to earn my trust back when I found a hoodie that had his exes initial on it. When I first confronted him about it he lied and then later tried to justify his lie by saying they were friends when she gave it to him when they were friends so it was a lie. I was really hurt by it so I exploded and cussed him out which he did as well and we almost broke up with him. I’m not sure if I’m being dramatic but it felt disrespectful that he was wearing another girls initials around me all the time. It makes me feel like he’s lied about other things in the relationship and downplayed his attachment. He offered to get rid of the hoodie but I feel like alot of the trust is broken.

i’m still a virgin but my boyfriend is not. we’ve been dating for a year now and he has been extremely patient and understanding with me about this whole rj thing. he’s basically my first real serious relationship, and i’m also his first serious relationship. but before he met me, unfortunately he lost his virginity to someone else and this situation is honestly destroying me.

normally, according to my own standards, i always thought i would never date someone who wasn’t a virgin. i used to tell everyone that the best relationship dynamic is when a virgin girl dates a virgin guy. and the reason i thought that way wasn’t because of religion, i just wanted to share something that intimate with only one person for my entire life, and i expected the same from my partner too. i wanted us to be each other’s first and only. i still feel this way, and it’s ruining the way i see my relationship.

my boyfriend has only had sex once,  he told me he regrets it a lot because he didn’t genuinely love the girl he did it with, and that the whole experience made him feel terrible afterwards. he said that’s the reason why he never had sex again after that.  and i know that should make me feel better. there shouldn’t be that much difference between someone who had sex once and someone who’s still a virgin. but my brain just can’t accept it. and because i can’t accept it, i feel like if i have sex with him i’d be betraying my own moral values, so i told him i want to wait until marriage.

the girl he slept with was an ex he dated for a short time, and i know her personally. she’s kind of known as a very “free” person and she’s constantly jumping from relationship to relationship, and a lot of guys around here know her. my boyfriend, on the other hand, is genuinely such a good boyfriend. even if my mood drops a little bit, he immediately tries to make me feel better. he puts so much effort into our relationship, and even though we’re long distance, he always tries his best to bring us together. not even once has he made me question whether he actually loves me or not. from the very beginning he made it clear how serious he was about me, and our relationship was built on that. everyone around him knows about me, and i’m his longest relationship so far.

but i’m honestly exhausted from living with this rj thing. since the beginning of our relationship, even unintentionally, i’ve made him cry so many times and made him beg me not to leave him.

do you think i’m overreacting over something that only happened once? you can tell me if i’m exaggerating, it honestly wouldn’t upset me. maybe it would help me realize how irrational my thoughts are.

also, i live in a place where half of the people my age are still virgins. all of my friends have boyfriends who are virgins too, which makes me even more confused. it makes me feel like their relationships are somehow better or more special than mine.

Hey good people, I (26M) was in a relationship with a (23F) for 3 ish years. In the first two years it was smooth sailing.

It wasn't until we went clubbing on my birthday and she bumped into her fuck buddy from a couple years back that triggered a lot of emotions in me. Since that incident nothing was the same and I honestly felt disgusted by her which led me to dumping her. On top of that a similar incident happened in a separate time but by that point it didn't affect me as much because I had stopped caring about the relationship.

It's been about 1.5 years since the breakup but I've told myself I'll never marry anyone or even date with a few exceptions like if the person is from another country (less likely to bump into past partners). It's been so long but the humiliation I suffered on my birthday has permanently scarred me and I still imagine how all those guys enjoyed the woman I thought I was going to marry and probably had a chuckle seeing me as her boyfriend.

What particularly hurt the most was feeling like a chump on my birthday and the fact that the guy was probably laughing at me internally also that she had probably slept with many other people who saw us together. I started getting anxious whenever I was in public and some people greeted us, with my thinking being that they were probably in her guts.

Its got to a point where I just have casual sex and can't imagine myself dating seriously anymore! How can I get over this?

During our first date, he already opened up to me about his past relationships and his flings. It didn’t really bother me as much because I didn’t really mind, I had the same amount of exes except I never got into flings. We’ve been dating for over 6 months now.

Two months ago, his ex reached out to him out of the blue. She was asking him how to get rid of love handles. I gave my boyfriend permission to reply to her to see know the underlying intent of her message but he immediately told her that he didn’t really wanna continue talking to her, and made it clear he had a girlfriend then blocked her. I wasn’t bothered until she messaged him again on his other account, saying “You forgot to block me here too.” He blocked her on everything. My boyfriend does his best to reassure me whenever I overthink shit. It’s my problem.

That ex was his first love. They dated when we were in high school. They tried dating again in 2024 for a few months but failed because she didn’t change and was still controlling. I don’t know. I feel ugh. I was a mess when she reached out. I wanted my boyfriend to be a bit meaner with his approach but he called me out, and said there’s no point of being mean to someone if they’re not being mean, which is true. He’s too nice. He didn’t really like the way I was planning to confront her if she ever messages again. To me, her trying to taunt him was pretty mean. Why would you go and message your ex’s other account after he just told you he has a girlfriend then blocked you?

I’ve been okay. My boyfriend and I had a long conversation about it. It was going so well until I was looking through my boyfriend’s photodump account, her comments were there. Photos from different posts, I don’t even know if it was her or one of the girls he dated—either way, I felt off. I mean he did mention he was gonna delete the comments right after, I just don’t know how to bring up the photos without sounding like a control freak. My boyfriend doesn’t really mind me asking to delete remnants of his past, I just feel guilty having to ask him. It doesn’t help that I am also on my period right now, my emotions are all over the place.