New dating, meeting ex hookup in a group setting
So, ive been seeing this girl for about 5 months. We talked about making it official a month ago where i said I am ready and she said she is sure she wants to be with me but needs a little more time due to personal reasons which I was fine with.
In the beginning she always talked about this one guy who she dated in the past and how he treated her bad and all but one day she brought up that he reached out to her on instagram and called apologizing. She didnt reply or answer the call but I was surprised that she still had him on social media. I didnt think of it much at the time as our thing was still new but suggested she should remove him given the history and she agreed.
Few months later when things started to get more serious we became exclusive I told her one thing about me is I would not like my partner to be connected with ex partners or hookups she agreed and said thats not a problem.
That guy was still on her instagram at that time.
A month later this came up again in our conversation and I asked if he is still on instagram with her she told me he is and probably noticed from my face that i didnt like that and asked me if i was upset and that she didnt think of it much, i said no its okay of she dont want to remove him. Few hours later she texted that she removed him and for her she never thought it was a big deal having him on instagramas she doesnt use it a lot.
Around the same time i noticed she had hinge (where we met) on her phone. It was kind of odd for me so i asked her she said she has her profile on pause and its been on pause since we met and that she didnt realize the app itself was on her phone.
A few weeks later i picked her up from her college friends re union kind of thing where a guy she used to hookup was present as well along with one other friend . She told me he was there once i picked her up and it made me feel weird.
Sometime after that we had a conversation about each other’s boundaries and what we expect from each other. And i told her the same thing again which she said is reasonable to ask and agreed.
Recently she had another get together with the same group of friends . And after they met i asked if that guy was there she said yes. My thing is she couldve just told me he is going to be there. I am not the kind of person that will stop her from going as it was a group thing but just giving me a heads up wouldve been nice and even after the get together she didnt tell me until I asked. Her reasoning was that she didnt know that he was going to come but the way i see it she knew of the possibility as its the same group.
She again agreed and said maybe because she has not been in a relationship in a long time these things are not clicking for her and she will change that.
Other than that she is great and puts in equal amount of effort.
Please tell me if I am asking for too much or overthinking this or being controlling.
I don’t like to tell anyone what to do but I feel like I am doing too much of that here, she is saying that I am not and she will let me know if she feels like it.
I do like her but i also feel like maybe we have different boundaries and expectations. I dont have anyone yo discuss this with so thought of posting it here, any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR
Girl i am seeing for 5 months (exclusive) had ex on instagram until i expressed i dont like that three times and also mentioned they staying connected to ex partners or hookups is something that i dont like during out boundaries talk and she agreed.
Had hinge (paused) on her phone 4 months in, said she didnt realize she had it on her phone.
Met ex hookup with one other college friend, it older i didnt like that she said thats reasonable, met him again in a group setting not telling me he was going to be there or after that he was there until i asked.
Upon asking she said she has not been in a relationship in a while so maybe thats why these things are not clicking.
Other than this she is great.
Am I thinking and asking for too much or being controlling?
Update - Hey! I greatly appreciate your input. I just had a conversation and conveyed exactly what youve mentioned.
She was apologetic and stated that she is not perfect and sometimes does not realize these things thats why needed more time to make it official and that I just need to be communicative if anything makes me feel uncomfortable.
I told her that ive been communicative since the beginning about these boundaries but the problem arise when you ignore it and I have to repeat the same thing and question everything which is not the healthy thing to do.
She said she understands and will take the accountability and work on it. Also her reasoning was if she didnt respect me or wanted to do something that i wasnt gonna like she couldve just lied (which i agree, she has been honest with these things as far as i know).
She is great in all other regards.
We ended the convo without a conclusion and said we will talk more later. I still kind of feel weird about everything. I know i am asking for advice from a stranger on internet but who cares, how would you go about it?