u/UrbanLegend59

My daughter is marring her partner early next year. Because the wedding will be girl - girl she wants only guests that have supported her life style choices and are truly happy for her.

For some background , a few years before I met my wife she was in a relationship with, now follow me here, her sister's husband's brother or her sister's brother in law. This guy is what I call an obnoxious intellectual. He wants everyone to know how smart he is. Imagine if you had to see one of your wife's exes at every family event held by her sister. I've tolerated him to keep the peace.

He has kids my daughter's age and they'll be invited. Because he fits into the parameters of her invite list, supportive of her lifestyle, he's invited too.

I've expressed my displeasure over this to my wife and she agreed with me and said she would explain to my daughter. He would be the only person invited that's not a relative per se and, in my opinion had a too distant connection.

My RJ is on high alert right now . I'm literally spiraling over something that will happen seven months from now,

I'm in a no win situation , the invitations haven't gone out yet but my wife got his address for my daughter to send one and he's not one to skip a party. He'll probably act like the FOB.

I know it's her special day and all this crap and I'm trying to minimalize the situation but man, I feel disrespected by my wife at the very least for not fighting for me. She definitely knows I suffer with RJ and I feel she's deliberately putting me in the cross hairs.

I wwnt enjoy my daughters wedding but I'm afraid the biggest memory of it will be my wife's ex being there against my wishes.

Someone talk me down .

Let me say that I've been married to my wife for 30 years. Most have been good. Some have been tough. I suffer with low self-esteem and retroactive jealousy. I constantly replay conversations in my head that my wife and I have had in the past, looking for chinks in her armor I guess. I have always felt that she's been less than truthful with me about her past relationships.

When we first got together I never pushed for a physical relationship until i felt she was ready. I let her take the lead. She's 10 years younger than me and I didn't want her to feel rushed. The first time we were physical was at a family member's house that she was house sitting. She invited me over and she made the first move. I took her lead and the entire weekend was magical. Later that weekend the relatives returned home. They evidently knew what was going on. At one point the lady of the house came to where my gf and I were sitting, held out an unopened condom and gave it to me. She said "here's your condom, I know it's yours because my husband and I use a different brand." I looked at it and told her it wasn't mine, I used a different brand as well. Nothing further was said and the woman threw it away.

Ok, soooo, it took me awhile to put two and two together, I assumed that my Gf had, at at previous time taken an ex there for the same purpose. I had dismissed it way back then, why I don't know, but it bothers me now as to why there was no explanation for the random condom.

Do I, after all these years, inquire about it? Back then it may have made a difference. I surly wouldn't have wanted to be a shared memory that she also shared with someone else. I would want our experience to be only ours. Would it bother you?

This is a little payback for some of the pain I've experienced my entire life.
I had a doctor's appointment recently, my wife was with me and we were discussing the impending visit. She's a nurse and wants me to get the most out of each visit. I signed in and took a seat. The waiting room was full so when an older couple came in I gave my seat to the woman. When she sat down my wife got a weird look on her face. She looked at me like she was about to do something and was giving me fair warning. She looked at the woman and said "Miss Stacy ?" The woman looked back at her and said "Amy?" My wife looked at the gentleman that accompanied her and said "Hi Mr Don." They exchanged pleasantries and she then introduced me to them as her husband. She then proceeded to tell me that these were her ex boyfriend's parents! Now this guy has been the root of my RJ for 10 years. I had no reason to panic so I engaged in conversation with Mr. Don. After awhile he looks me over and says " Well you sure look fit, Don doesn't get off of the sofa !" I play a lot of tennis and stay active but to get that compliment from this person was uplifting to say the least. When it was time for my appointment he said it was nice talking to me and told my wife that I was a keeper and she was doing well for herself. He sounded disappointed in his son and I hope Mr Don told his son about me, even if he didn't I was on cloud 9 . All of my anxiety over her ex had been vanquished. I felt that I bested him. Like two knights jousting.
Before that I was kinda spiraling. Goes to show you that vindication can come from unusual sources.