As a sahm of 2. He works blue collar. I think being at home is very demanding considering I cook 3x a day and clean and manage my house. My kids constantly need supervision and entertainment and feeding and cleaning. It’s genuinely endless. I visited my friend for 1 day where I didn’t have to cook or clean. All I had to do was take care of my kids. It was so peaceful. I think that the household and children are two different tasks and doing both is literally impossible. I can manage taking care of my children and I can manage to cleaning the house, but both together is too much.

This all started back in October last year after she quit her job. We talked about her quitting and agreed it was for the best. In the mean time we agreed she would go back to school and get a certification that would’ve taken 4 months in the mean time she was supposed DoorDash to make some extra money to help out with bills while I continued to work full time 60+ hours a week. I was also the one paying for the entire school.

Only problem is she never doordashed and she never did her school work either. She decided it was best to actually sleep in everyday until 10-11am and then stay in bed for another hour after that. Then she would litteraly just lay in bed all day on her phone. The only thing she ever did that I recall during this time was pick up groceries every week…. But I would still come home to and cook because she wouldn’t.

Everyday it was me calling her from my job every 30 minutes starting around 7am telling her to wake up and get ready and it would follow with her telling me “give me 30 minutes “ 7 would turn to 7:30 the to 8:30 until 10-11 when she finally decided she didn’t need “30 more minutes “ anymore. By the time it was December we were dead broke. We were living off $50 a week because that’s all I had left on my checks after paying the bills I was alone in paying. Her school she wasn’t doing included.

All this got brought back up because I was going through the paystubs on DoorDash from last year and I saw with my own eyes just how much she fucked me off. October statement $0 , November $17.50, December $30, January $0, February $14.33. Seeing that brought back up those feelings I had during that time. Like seeing it visually just made me so mad for some reason. Now I can’t stop thinking about what she did and how she behaved during that time and I feel nothing but resentment and bitterness.

We finally got ourselves back on track by the end of March. Or rather I did. I got her a job because DoorDash wasn’t working out and she refused to look for one. I was nice while it lasted but as of last week she’s unemployed again and she’s slipping back into her old ways. She promised that she would take school seriously this time if I paid for it AGAIN and she was seriously going to dash this time to help support in the mean time. But so far it seems like she’s not going to follow through again. So today while I work instead of doing my job I was searching again to find her another job. I’m getting exhausted.

I just poured my heart out and confessed to her how I felt about all this and these feelings coming back up for an hour and all she told me in response is “well I’m trying now”. I don’t know. I need more than that. I just came here to vent to other married folks. Maybe someone else has a similar experience what did you do to move past this that’s not bottling it up like i did?

I see a lot of posts about budgeting and fun money when one partner makes more. The consensus is always something along the lines of “when you’re married it’s both your money”.

But what about when it’s definitely not both your money? Both legally and spiritually. In my marriage one spouse has 10x the other’s net worth in a separate account that is 100% not commingled and not marital property. In this case the other spouse comes from a poorer family and will never inherit significant funds.

What’s fair in terms of budgeting and discretionary spending a situation like that when both are still working? First marriage, no outside children. Asking in terms of marriage, not the law.

i (33 f)had been married for almost two years with my husband (31m), but we dated for five years before getting married. and yet, i still sometimes catch myself thinking about my ex and even feeling sad when i do. he got married two years before i did. and very recently i kept having flashbacks and literally would feel really sad.

for context, my husband came into my life during one of the most vulnerable periods i’ve ever gone through. it was just days after i officially broke up with my ex. i was completely broken at the time—my breakup was extremely painful, and i was dealing with anxiety and depression. i had lost weight, i was constantly crying myself to sleep, and i felt like my whole world had collapsed. my husband was there for me during all of that. he comforted me, supported me, and he knew exactly what I was going through. even then, he still pursued me.

looking back, i think i was very immature at the time. i started dating him a month after the breakup partly because i wanted to distract myself from the pain and not feel so hurt anymore. i genuinely thought it was the right decision back then, and that eventually my feelings for my ex would fade away on their own. i believed time would fix everything.

i know it’s unfair to my husband, because i truly care about him, but i also have to be honest with myself—I never loved him the same way i loved my ex. my husband is kind, loving, and genuinely a good person, but i was never really attracted to him in the same way either.
sometimes, i feel trapped in a marriage where i’m destined to feel miserable because i couldn’t love my husband the way he loves me. our marriage is calm, safe, and secure, and i do appreciate that. but there’s still this part of me that carries feelings from the past.
i don’t entertain those feelings, and i don’t intentionally think about my ex. i’ve always tried to ignore them and move on. but sometimes, he just randomly crosses my mind, and i can’t help but feel a little sad. i even still dream about him sometimes, despite not thinking about him before going to sleep.
i know these feelings don’t necessarily mean i want him back or that i don’t care about my husband. maybe some parts of that relationship and the person i was back then are simply things i never fully let go of. and honestly, that’s the part that makes me sad.

i just wanted to know if anyone else had been in the same situation like me? how did you deal with it?

First thing I have to say is that this is NOT happening to me. Just something we talked about at work today.

Today we found out that a married coworker (45m) has been messaging another younger coworker (21f). It started as her venting and crying about her BF and then turned flirty (of course). He said something inappropriate (about wanting to “do” her…yikes) and it was screenshot and sent to his wife. The younger coworker also came in this morning telling everyone and went to HR.

Anyway, him and his wife have been together for many years and have children together.

Would you consider that cheating? Would it be enough for you to leave the marriage? My coworkers and I disagree.

I found out this week my husband had an on and off affair for 1.5/2 years while we were dating. We got married last September, About 9 months into our relationship he started texting this other women, she did reach out first because they matched on Tinder before we met. But he shouldnt have even responsed in my opinion. The conversation he initially said he was dating me, but somewhere along the lines shortly after he said we broke up, and I was his crazy ex, and this and that. I found out he called, texted, flirted, sent pictures, etc. With this women for months. I was laying in our bed and he was in the next room calling this women. Saying he wants to marry her.. he proposed to me months later. I'm disgusted he did this all while I was in the house with him. He would take selfies and send them to me and to her, it's like nothing special to me. Everything just feels like a lie now. He says nothing physical happend, but that doesn't make me feel any better. You were still talking of fucking and getting nudes, etc. Emotional affairs seem just as damaging to me. You could have put that effort into stregnthing our relationship and instead you found someone else.

I asked him straight up if he ever flirted, cheated, texted other women. I said please please I need you to just tell me the truth. He said no, lied right to my face. Has been lying to my face for 4 years apparently. He didn't even seem remorseful in the slightest when I confronted him about this. I literally had to prompt him to say sorry, he didn't even say it on his own. I thought the first thing out of a cheaters mouth would be I'm sorry. I feel like I'm the one begging for this to work, when it should be him. I'm just so heart broken right now, I don't know how to feel. Sure it didn't happen when we were married but we were dating and engaged, isn't that just as bad? I wouldn't have married him if this came out before the wedding. When I confronted him I didn't even yell, scream, nothing. I dont know why I was so calm, I think I was just stunned. Days later and now I am furious. I'm so mad.

A few months back I found many many pictures of his exes and girls on his phone (nudes, etc) I was so upset. I felt like that was borderline cheating. When that happened I asked him to go through his phone and delete anything like that. He had the chance to go thru and delete these messages between the women he had the affair with and didn't. I would've never known.

Everything logical tells me I should leave. We don't have children yet (we are actively trying so that just really adds on to the sting right now) we haven't bought a house together yet, there really is no shared assets. We moved from home and I haven't worked since the winter, I just started a new job this month so I will have an income again soon. I always told him if he ever cheated on me I would leave, if we were just dating and not married I would leave. I dont want to leave but I don't want to not be able to trust my husband. To be paranoid everytime he is on his phone, everytime he goes somewhere without me, I don't want to be paranoid. I dont want this to randomly pop in my head and ruin my mood for the rest of my life, but I'm worried that will happen. I'm just waiting for him to say something that will make me feel better, for something to happen, but I don't think anything will. I dont want to tell anyone, I'm embarrassed this happened to me. I'll be embarrassed if I tell my family and decide to stay with this man anyway. Couldn't even make it married for a year?? I don't know if I should leave or stay. I dont know how to handle these emotions, I cry I still feel like shit, I ignore it I still feel like shit, I talk to him I still feel like shit.

My husband has ED and hasn't touched me in almost 3 years. I don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone experienced this?

My husband and I haven't had sexual intimacy for almost three years. Around the time it stopped, he told me that he had erectile dysfunction. Since then, he has basically stopped initiating any kind of physical intimacy with me.

It isn't only sex. We barely kiss or have intimate physical affection anymore. He has told me before that, for him, kissing will eventually lead to sex, so he would rather avoid it altogether.

I tried initiating before, but he immediately got angry. Because of that, I'm now afraid and embarrassed to make the first move. Whenever the topic somehow comes up, I end up feeling like I'm being too sexual or "lustful" just because I still want intimacy with my husband.

What confuses and hurts me even more is that I've occasionally caught him watching porn or looking at sexy women on his phone. I understand that having ED doesn't necessarily mean a man loses his sexual desire, but emotionally, it's difficult not to wonder: if he can still feel sexual interest, why does he want absolutely nothing physical with me?

I've tried understanding that ED may make him embarrassed, anxious, or afraid of not being able to perform. I don't want to pressure him into sex, and I would never want him to do something he doesn't want to do. But he also doesn't seem interested in getting help, addressing the ED, or even talking about how the lack of intimacy is affecting our marriage.

Our everyday life has become very routine. He works, spends a lot of his free time watching things on his phone/device, sleeps, and then another day comes. We also sleep in separate rooms because I sleep with our son.

This has started affecting me mentally and emotionally. It's especially difficult around ovulation because my sex drive becomes much stronger. Sometimes I watch porn myself because I'm sexually frustrated, but what I actually miss isn't just sexual release. I miss feeling wanted by my husband. I miss being touched, kissed, and feeling like we're a couple instead of just going through everyday life together.

After almost three years, I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I can't force him to want intimacy, but I also don't know how long I can keep pretending that having no physical relationship doesn't hurt me.

For women who have experienced something similar with a husband or long-term partner with ED: Did your partner also completely withdraw from physical intimacy? Did things ever get better? How did you cope when your partner didn't want to talk about it or seek help? And at what point did you decide what you could or couldn't continue living with?

​

There’s a man I know through mutual friends. We’re both married with children and seemingly outgoing, friendly people. We’ve had a few brief conversations over time, but we don’t really know each other.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern: whenever we happen to see each other, he’ll message me later that night, usually after midnight. It’s always something completely innocent, like “Hello” or “How was the rest of your day?”

I should add that I haven't replied to any of the messages, so there hasn't really been an ongoing conversation between us online.

Is this something I should just see as innocent and harmless, or is it better not to entertain it at all given the circumstances? Am I reading too much into it, or is there enough here to be cautious about?

I’ll preface all this by saying that I haven’t been the greatest partner. While I’ve been trying my best, she’s mentioned that I’ve been emotionally neglecting her.

My wife came home one night in tears. She said she was having stress about an upcoming trip and about our attempts at pregnancy. She said she had to go see her friend in order to talk about it. She couldn’t talk about it with me. I grew worried after she left. I did a super shitty thing and went through her messages.

Turns out she was going to see her friend to talk through her break up with her affair partner in an online game. I read all the shitty sext messages and how her friend helped her craft them. It’s really not the sexts that tear me up, although they’re still cuts to my soul. It’s more so that she was crying over terrible people who betrayed her.

She kept telling all her people online that she was separated and her marriage was falling apart. I think what really hurts the most is that she didn’t think about a relationship throughout all this. Even her friend said a little something about coming clean to me. She came home later, and she knew I had read everything. We cried a little bit. I was upset, she was upset. Over the course of a week, I asked her to please stop playing this game. Please stop talking to these people. She hasn’t stopped talking with them. She says she cannot let go of her game because it will destroy her friendships. I asked her if she can at least tell all the people in her game and discord servers that she’s married. She says they know, but I think it’s only in the context of her saying that we’re separated.

I feel shitty for asking for ultimatums and requests. I feel like I’m painted as a bad guy because I was neglectful. This feels like a punishment. She says she wants to work through things and get our marriage back on track. I just don’t know if I can do it when I can’t trust her.

I'm a man in my 50s and have been married to my wife for over 25 years. We have 2 grown kids and are empty-nesters living in the SW U.S.

Looking back on my life, I feel like I have been 'useful', but not 'wanted' if you know what I mean. It's like I was checking ✅ the boxes for my wife over the years, but otherwise being pushed aside.

The first box for my wife was getting married. Check. It's almost like a switch flipped after we married, with emotional distancing and lack of affection happening immediately.

And then she wanted kids. Next check ✅. Then it was always about getting the perfect family photos for Christmas cards or whatever to make us look like the perfect family.

But on the inside I've always been terribly lonely. As soon as we got married, the affection stopped and she did her own thing and the marriage wasn't a priority, causing us to drift apart physically and emotionally.

Obviously there are more details, but fast forward to today, and I feel like most of my life was a bait-and-switch situation, where I was 'useful' but never 'wanted'.

And if this is relevant, my wife is currently on HRT, but nothing was really different before or after HRT regarding the context of this post.

I've told her how I feel many times over the years, and things will improve for a few days, feeling very 'forced', and then return to loneliness soon after.

There are no other real issues. We are both healthy and physically fit, have professional careers, we don't really argue, and there are no money issues or anything like that.

But I just feel sad and alone like I'm being put on the shelf until I'm 'needed' again, and I'm not sure where to go from here at this stage in my life.

I feel like it would be selfish to throw away my marriage and disrupt my family after all these years, but the thought of continuing to carry this sadness and loneliness for another 30 years or more is also disheartening.

I suppose there really isn't a great answer here, but if anyone has any thoughts or questions, please let me know.

tl;dr After 25 years of marriage, I feel like I was 'needed' but not wanted, almost like a bait-and-switch situation. I am experiencing sadness and loneliness and am not sure where to go from here.

My wife and I have been married 8 years. Our sex life has gone through normal ups and downs, especially after having kids, but I thought we were in a pretty decent place lately.

A few nights ago we were talking about intimacy because I mentioned that she rarely initiates anymore. I wasn't accusing her of anything, I honestly thought maybe we'd just fallen into a routine.

She got quiet and eventually admitted that for the last several months there have been plenty of times she wasn't actually in the mood but went along with it because she knew rejection made me feel unwanted. She said I never pressured her and that this was something she decided to do herself, but hearing that didn't exactly make me feel better.

I asked why she didn't just tell me, and she said after saying no a few times she'd notice I became quieter or seemed disappointed, so eventually it felt easier to just do it.

That was pretty awful to hear because from my perspective I was trying NOT to pressure her. I never argued with a no, never guilted her, nothing like that. But apparently even me looking disappointed was enough for her to feel responsible for fixing my mood.

She kept telling me I haven't done anything terrible and that she still enjoys sex with me sometimes, she just doesn't want it nearly as often as I do.

Still, now I'm replaying months of our sex life wondering which times she genuinely wanted me and which times she was basically waiting for it to be over. I hate that thought.

Since that conversation I haven't initiated once. She actually asked me last night why I seem afraid to touch her and I didn't know what to say besides... because I am?

Even kissing her for more than a few seconds makes me wonder if she's enjoying it or just trying to keep me happy again.

She says she wants us to move forward and promised she'll be more honest, but I don't know how I'm supposed to trust a yes right away when I just learned that yes hasn't always meant yes for months.

I love my wife and I'm not angry at her, mostly I just feel sad and kinda stupid.

How do couples rebuild that sense of safety without making every intimate moment into a serious conversation about consent and reassurance?

My husband (m 34) and I (f 30) have been together almost 2 years and we've been married almost 1. I think I hate him now. He has had 4 jobs since Jan 2025 and he got all of them because of me. He hates working, constantly complains about it and society as a whole (think main character from SLC Punk energy) and he can be so cruel to me and everyone else. He just told me this morning that if he were to get fired he'd leave to go to Puerto Rico and make money down there. (He has some fucking fantasy of living down there and having a house and shit just bc he spent 9 months there)

I actually doubt he has any emotional intelligence or empathy.

One of his sisters got married and he wasn't even invited. Another sister just told him she's pregnant and behind her back he's calling her stupid for having the kid due her maybe being broke? Idk if she actually is or what her situation is due to the fact we haven't seen her since 2024...

He's just a spiteful dickhead and I can't stand him anymore. I barely want to have sex with him unless I'm high and that's only because I need sexual release.

I love him and I wanted to be with him but idk how much more I can take. I feel like I'm just surviving him atp...

I feel like I wasted my time

Is it unreasonable to expect a small ish project (say, a path) to be finished within a few weeks so there’s not a giant dirt pile and bags of gravel sitting in your yard? Particularly if your partner took the project on of their own accord and only works part time? I feel insane for getting mad about it but it’s a recurring issue. I just want to go outside and not see piles of dirt.

My husband of over 20 years has more recently become obsessed with negative political news and has shifted to a quite radicalized nationalist, Christian (we've always been non religious) and even racist thinking and values. Our marriage has been suffering a lot, because I very much disagree with his views on most political and religious topics.

We've started couples therapy but I don't even know where to go from here. How can I happily be married to someone who's values and beliefs are so different from mine. I couldn't ask him to "change" his beliefs. Not would he.

He has semi recently been diagnosed with ADHD and I know these obsessive type behavior are normal with that (I've witnessed it with other hobbies and such over the years). But I don't think this is one that will just fade away like other "hobbies".

How have you dealt with a spouse that has completely changed? And/or who's values are different from yours?

This morning I emailed a therapist and told a few friends I’m considering divorce. I just don’t know how much longer I can take being treated daily with such complete contempt by my husband. He’s so mean. He hasn’t touched me in about 4 years. Zero sex. I have asked and he said he works hard to pay for my lifestyle and that’s all I get. There’s no more kindness or romance left he said. He’s never kind. He never says anything complimentary. He calls me loud, says I never listen. He lectures constantly but never talks with me. This past weekend he said “I’m a doctor and you’re a nothing”, and when i talked to him about it he said “oh, you’re not a nothing you’re a user”. I’m a stay at home wife and he does make the household income. We started going to spin class and he oggles the 20 year old instructors and it’s so embarrassing for both myself and for them. He told me about a month ago “I’m his biggest disappointment ” in life. I haven’t had him touch me nicely or say one nice thing in about 4 years. He refuses to go to marriage therapy. My lifestyle will take a huge huge hit and I will have to give up things I love because they cost too much and I can’t afford them on my own if I divorce. My kids will lose their comfortable house. I just don’t know how to fix this and I’m constantly unhappy. This morning I drove him to work and he was laying into me as he usually does and I just cried. Then he yelled at me that I’m not a victim and he works to provide my lifestyle and I’m loud and a know it all while I cried. I just can’t take this much longer.

Is this tantric?

A male solo therapist describes himself as follows:

[Alternative & holistic health service

Therapist specialising in holistic, deep somatic release, and custom bodywork therapy in a peaceful outdoor garden]

He doesn't mention tantric at all, in fact he doesn't even have a menu of options. You just book time with him and the service evloves from the conversation.
All his insta posts are focussed on female clients.

is this a tantric therapist? What should my wife expect there?
I am a bit uneasy but also aware that I could be overthinking

My husband volunteer coaches our oldest child for a local rec soccer league, ages 10-11. He's done this for several years and we always go above and beyond for our teams; he purchases equipment, provides a ball for every player, we provide a canopy, cooling cloths, portable fan, pedialyte Popsicles each practice. He specifically books early practice slots on the field so they can practice an extra 30 mins. He spends a huge amount of time and effort planning and preparing practice, creating spreadsheets and written "homework" detailing the techniques he covers on the field. He's invested.

He was watching the weather for the last couple of days and told me on Monday that if Tuesday practice gets rained out, instead of canceling practice he'd like to host it at our house. I objected, because I did not feel our house was guest-ready. We have 3 neurodivergent kids, my birthday was this past weekend so I took it easy, and I haven't had time to clean to the standard I would want if we were to have 30+ people over (13 players, with a mix of parents and siblings).

I reached out to our church yesterday to see if we could access one of their indoor areas, but hadn't heard anything back from them, so I spent the day cleaning just in case. I prepped to the point that I gained a massive headache and felt exhausted. When husband got to the field after work he called and said there was lightning in the area despite sunny skies, and asked if he could invite the team over. I said I didn't want to have so many guests crammed into our living room despite spending all day preparing. Our 2 younger children would need to be corralled into bedrooms so they don't interfere, I still needed to make dinner, and it is a school night.

Husband was pissed that he had to cancel practice and thinks I'm being selfish by not giving the "go ahead". He sees no reason why we shouldn't host.

Was it selfish of me to not allow him to invite the team over? I tried really hard to get everything together to make it happen, but it just felt overwhelming after school with only a day's notice. I'm not completely against the idea in general. Should I have sucked it up and "taken one for the team"?

if you realise a partner (m29) is keeping tabs on a person that they can’t have but seems to idealise how can you come back from it. she’s younger, he wanted her but couldn’t have her, he’s been mentioning her on and off to the point I know about how they met, what her full name is and why he couldn’t date her when he tried to: I feel repulsed that he keeps tabs on her. he acknowledged my feelings when I brought it up and let me check his instagram and messages with her. he not seen her in years but she’s at the very top of his suggested search list. as is an account he used to follow that hasn’t posted in years but has photos of a beautiful woman who fits his own preferences. it’s turning my stomach. His most suggested account was the woman he is often mentioning to me. She Was 19 when he was 25 and that was the year we started dating. He still likes her posts. He knows what she is going for work. He tells me how talented she is when I was trying to get excited about my own artist work last week. how can a woman he once liked in 2022 still be so important to him. it feels like I am no longer even a woman to him

For my wife, she's roleplaying as the woman who ordered pizza but had no money to pay for it while I'm roleplaying as a level 12 paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points in +3 plate armor!

So my [35M] wife [27F] is a looker... as in she's gorgeous. Dang near brilliant, I wear sunglasses indoors just to handle the radiance. However... I tell her in different ways all the time how pretty she is and as creatively as possible and it really doesn't mean anything to her.

People tell her how pretty she is all the time but when I say it? She treats it like my 10 yr old self did when my grandma called me handsome in my school photos. The "Uh huh, thanks. You're supposed to say that."

However if I don't comment on something positively? Well she gets mad. Like I'm set up to fail lol.

Basically all the compliments in the world, as creative and heartfelt and genuine as I can make them... don't mean anything to her. At least that's how it looks. It's kinda... depressing really.

I truly think the world of her, but my praise means nothing compared to a random comment from someone she doesn't know. I'm kinda at a loss, maybe I just suck at this I guess. I've kinda started to give up recently.

Idk if I'm missing something, or if this is a warning sign... so I'm looking for second opinions.