r/Marriage

I'm currently pregnant with our second baby and I'm honestly heartbroken by what my husband had told me…

Last night we were in the middle of fooling around and he looked at my body and said he couldn’t wait for me to get back in sexy shape. I asked what he meant by that and he immediately said never mind and tried to continue, but I was a bit offended as to what he meant. He tried to avoid the convo and continued to initiate until I yelled at him to stop. I asked him what he meant and he got annoyed saying that he’s just joking and it’s not that serious. I demanded once more and he started to get pissed saying that all this extra fat I have isn’t making me more appealing to him. He then got up and slammed the door hard enough waking up our toddler. I ended up crying myself to sleep while calming her down. I don’t even know what to say at this point about what he said to me.

I find the idea of getting really turned on by my wife in a bikini kind of funny. We’ve been together for over a decade. I’ve seen her nude countless times, but earlier today she was trying on different bikinis for a trip we have coming up and good lord man. I felt like I was 14 at the local pool all over again. This woman is the gift that keeps on giving.

Over the past couple of years, our relationship has changed. He used to be gentle, respectful, and caring during sex, but now I feel more like an object than a partner.

He often talks about how I couldn't stop him if i tried, and what started as comments I brushed off at first, but now he eggs me on to try to stop him, even though he knows theres no way i can.

If I tell him to slow down, stop, or that he's hurting me, he'll say things like "make me" or just "no" and keep going. It feels like he's intentionally being rough and watching my reactions, even though he can tell I'm uncomfortable.

When I had bronchitis for a couple of months a while back... he still had sex with me while I was exhausted and struggling to breathe, which he could see. And a couple of weeks ago, I told him, "Not tonight, my stomach isn't feeling well." He replied, "That's too bad," climbed on top of me, and did it anyway. That hurt me deeply. I felt unheard and like what I wanted didn't matter.

He knows I avoid conflict, but I don't feel I should have to explain that "no" or "stop" should be enough. Now I dread coming off my period because I know he'll be on me. I don't enjoy sex anymore. I feel hurt, used, and constantly roughed up by someone who used to make me feel safe.

The hardest part is that afterward he acts like everything is completely normal, which leaves me questioning myself and wondering if I'm overreacting.

I don't feel respected as a wife or even as a person anymore.

Edit: im really moved by the support on here... I know constantly posting and deleting wont change anything or give me different answers...

When I originally posted this issue, I thought I was going to be downvoted and told im just over reacting, to just tell him no, etc... I think im slightly in shock.

I just can't grasp how someone ive been with since 2012, my best friend and companion, could continue to do this and not realize the pain and confusion he is causing.. or maybe he does..

It's so confusing how he can switch up in a moment. Do it. Then return back to his old self that I love. I never thought I would find myself in this position..

I keep holding on to hope that he will start being gentle again.. but it's been extremely eye opening to see that this is a serious issue... thank you all for your advice... I'm unsure of what I will do next but I'm very thankful for all the advice ❤️

Been married for 11 years. I’ve been unhappy for the last little while, but it was never anything I thought couldn’t be worked through if we attacked the problem I was having together and come up with an actionable plan. To my surprise, when I got the nerve to finally bring up my feelings a week ago, I got hit by news that she is basically out of this thing already. She had never mentioned not being happy a single time in our marriage of her own volition. I was the only one who ever brought up internal struggles I would be having during our marriage, which were very very few, so I guess I foolishly believed that because I, the quiet, reserved, just-wants-to-pet-dogs person, would find it within myself to bring something up, that she, the social butterfly and all around talker, would do the same with me. Our marriage was, or so I thought, pretty damn open with one another about things. I can’t think of anything she doesn’t know about me, honestly. Apparently that has not been the case though and, of course, when I asked her, “Why have you never mentioned being unhappy with me before so we could try and address it?” She had no answer. Which hurts, as I’m sure you can imagine because it seems to confirm my current suspicions that she has been checked out of this thing for awhile and just hasn’t said anything, which is still baffling to me just knowing who she is - a very vocal and expressive individual, typically. Hallmark commercials make her cry. Apparently they are more impactful than I am, hah.

So, she has moved out of the bedroom. I’ve made a few passing attempts at conversing and trying to see what exactly her intentions are and I’ve offered for us to go to couples therapy so we could try and save this thing, if she wants to, but can’t get any straight answers. I’ve cried every single day for hours and hours, absolutely devastated. But that being said, as the longest week of my life has dragged on and I’ve had time to examine who was putting what into this marriage and reassess the way I have been treated over the last year and a half, and think about the last days without her speaking to me at all…I feel lighter. I feel like I matter again.

I had not realized just how beaten down and battered, emotionally, this marriage had been making me and how much stuff I had been enduring and the absolute strain it has put on my already subpar mental health, but these last days with almost no communication has kind of started to make the illusion of what I thought my marriage was start to lift and show me what it really had become and where I fit into my wife’s life, as far as priorities go. To the point where I’m ready to just go ahead and make up both of our minds since she won’t tell me what is going on with her thought process.

My philosophy in any relationship I have ever been in has been: If you don’t know if you want to be with me or not, then you already know and it’s time to move on to the healing process.

I’m devastated, of course. I’ve never hurt so much, quite frankly, and I can’t figure out which part is bringing the pain the most: Simply that I lost my best friend overnight and the death of this relationship or the realization it’s possible that over a decade of my life may have turned out to be more illusion than reality. But I’m also feeling important to myself again and that I can endure, as I had been doing in marriage anyway, no matter how much this sucks right now.

I don’t really know what the point of me sharing this was. Just to put it down and send it out into the void, like releasing a bird or something, maybe.

Edit: Just wanted to put a quick line in here that it is absolutely hysterical how many “this seems like such a one sided take” comments there are. You’re reading from my point of view and something that was categorized as “vent,” of course it’s going to be one sided. I wasn’t trying to write a full research paper analysis on my marriage and I wasn’t trying to get psychoanalyzed just based on this lol

I need to vent. So I had a baby 3 months ago, my husband said to quit my job and be with the kids. I was on FMLA and I didn't want to quit but I said if my husband wants me to quit to take care of the kids and no longer pay for day care, then ok. I have to trust my husband. Well I quit and my husband never got the second job, he made excuses my whole pregnancy. He is leaving to start a career as a truck driver, but I did research and he won't make enough to cover bills. I asked my husband for a joint account because I don't like I asking can I have money. Like if my kids want something I should have access to our account so I can budget, he says I'm a red flag that I want access to his money, he doesn't have much but I'm not here to be financially stupid. I have worked and when working I paid most of everything. He said if I want a joint account we can get a divorce. I feel dumb because I knew I should have kept the kids in daycare and kept my job. The worst part about my marriage is my husband will leave every week or every other week for a couple of days or a week because we got into an argument and then say I have to figure out everything , knowing I have no job! He tells and be littles me just because now I don't have a job for 3 months. I can't leave cuz I have no income , I'm waiting for child care help, I'm trying to get an exit plan. I'm just so upset I wanted to trust my husband and we struggling , can't be on the same page etc. I also want to add I used my taxes and short term disability to help pay bills and rent after having a baby!! Thinking he would get his shit together

Married 15 years, together 20 years. Both nearing 40. We tried Molly together and later that night he was hallucinating while we were having sex. It was like the serotonin flood attached to every fantasy and intrusive ego driven thought. He detailed acts with other women saying he would end his marriage for me… saying don’t tell your boyfriend I want to fuck you so bad. Detailing logistical meet up spots and calling me baby girl. He called me doctor at one point and said Im such a good neighbor. A lot of it was threesome based/multiple women. But it was intermingled with work/business comments and details about ongoing investments that were true. I honestly panicked internally but was turned on by the dirty talk and I rode him soft for about 2 hours just asking questions while he detailed various fantasies with different women 💀 it’s taken over my brain for the past month wondering if there was any truth to what he said or was it just fantasies. He mentioned financially supporting her asking how much she wants and if she wants a Porsche. He is adamant that there is no affair and there’s nothing he’s hiding from me. He admitted that his mind has been wandering lately though and he struggles with lusting over other women. I always catch him checking other girls out even when I take really good care of myself. I workout daily and put all of the effort in on my appearance to be my absolute best.

Anyways it really was a wake up call for me and rewired my brain entirely. We have had the best sex we’ve ever had this past entire month. We had sex 3x yesterday. I know it’s so toxic and trauma induced fear of loss. When we have sex I literally get off thinking about him actually doing the things he said to me that night but outside of intimacy I’m in a state of panic & hyper vigilance overthinking everything. Waking up panicking and short of breath. I know I can’t go on with the mental gymnastics. I have to decide what I believe to be true and just move forward. I feel there’s something hidden but I just don’t know what. Either way, I’ve had a great time trauma riding him like I’m 20 again to make me feel better every day. If all of this was really just fantasies and his brain being hijacked by Molly then I’m embarrassed by how much I’ve let it impact my life for an entire month straight. Im not sure where to go from here like is it just daily sex to feel secure from here on out. I have to get out of my head with this whole thing and find a way to move forward. How would you react to all of this? Also this is not a promotion to do molly for the men wanting to get laid daily 🤣

My husband loves the sound of his own voice and never stops monologging. His voice is so loud, and for his constant prattling, he seldom has anything insightful to say. He takes himself so seriously for a midwit. He’s currently lecturing my son on the concept of shame when all the kid wants is for his dad to quit smoking cigarettes. I wish to god I could divorce him.

I’d like to know if any husband contacts their wives parents whenever there’s a fight in your marriage? I have persistently asked him to stop and he continues. Is this common?

People try to tell me that my husband and I have problems because we sleep in separate rooms. However, it has been this way for almost 7 years. The reasons are we have different sleep schedules. We don’t agree on what to watch on TV and he snores.
is it so unusual for a husband and wife who love each other to sleep in separate rooms?

Throwaway account because this could be embarrassing. So I have 2 questions about this. My wife likes to watch her shows in the evening after the kids go to bed. We're usually so shattered she just takes an ipad up to bed and watches them on there. One evening I was so horny but she was so shattered so I asked if she'd just put a thong on while she watches her iPad so I can masturbate over her. She agreed. Then, we started doing it regularly. I get to enjoy her body. She gets to enjoy her shows. It's almost like a massage for her while I'm pleasuring myself at the same time.

Question 1. Does anyone else do this or something similar?

Question 2. Should I be worried? I'll be caressing her half naked body while masturbating. And she just, lies there. Doesn't bat an eye lid. Not once has she got turned on and joined in.

I love doing this by the way. I get to masturbate and enjoy my wife's body without the pressure that can come with sex. I'm really hoping she is being honest when she says she doesn't mind it at all and it makes her realise how attracted I am to her.

Friday was my birthday. I slept in a bit, and when I woke up my wife popped in (she works from home) and gave me a choice: “Happy birthday! Do you want me to go pick up donuts, or do you want a blow job?”

(She had meetings and didn’t have time for both.)

I just thought it was one of the funniest sentences I had ever heard. I had to share the story.

I’m 6 weeks postpartum and I was talking to my husband about how I’m insecure about my stomach and it still feels big to me, and he just said “it’s a little big but not too big“ and he talked about how it sticks out now but it’s fine. It just made me feel terrible because I didn’t want to know that he viewed me that way, and to know that it noticeably sticks out. it led to me saying that hurt to hear him say that and that I just wanted him to reassure me and not confirm my insecurities. then he freaked out and got upset saying he never says anything right and that he was just complimenting me by saying that. and I couldn’t really even talk to him because he gets so upset and angry at himself. its hard to have conversations with him About my insecurities because it feels like he always confirms my insecurities. We have lots of issues from his porn use and lying to me in the past, it feels like we will never recover from it. Even though he isn’t watching it anymore, the damage is done and I don’t trust or believe what he says about how I look.

So now this is a constant reoccurring argument we have, that I don’t feel attractive to him at all and I want reassurance but the thing is the reassurance doesn’t help at all. He gets so upset he yells and says he’s just the worst husband ever whenever I try to talk about how I don’t feel like he’s attracted to me. I don’t know how to fix this, everything is good besides I just don’t feel attractive and the trust isn’t there and it causes a lot of problems.

I’m at the point where I’m looking for a serious relationship that could lead to marriage.
I’ve spoken to a lot of people, both married and unmarried, and one thing I keep hearing is that physical attraction is important, but it shouldn’t be the main factor. Many people have told me that what really matters is finding someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, someone you can sit with for hours and still enjoy their company.
I understand that perspective, but I’m curious how true it has been for people who are actually married.
Looking back, what qualities ended up being the most important in your spouse?
How much did physical attraction matter when you were choosing a partner? Did it become less important over time, or do you think it’s just as important years into the marriage?
If you could go back and give your younger self one piece of advice about choosing a husband or wife, what would it be?
I’m interested in hearing real experiences, especially from people who have been happily married for several years.

My wife and I are both 31, married for last two years. We are living together for like 2.5 years.

For the last 10 months, my wife is usually at home. She did some job changing, and for a past few months, she had a knee injury so she is pretty much always inside. Every now and then she will go out to get a coffee with her friend or some activity like that.

I, on the other hand, am working two jobs (full time + I have a side job, my own company) and we started renovating a house so we get out of the rent. Somw days I will work 8 hours, some 14 hours, some 6 hours. But there are more times when I will work more than 8.

It's really that I enjoy working that much, but since she doesn't have a full salary and with renovation going on, I try to take care of the financial stuff.

Lately, we are getting into fights. I'm her, pretty much, only source of communication, hanging out etc. She wants to play board games, watch documentaries togethers etc.

But I usually come home exhausted, with so much going on in my head and I just want to chill, turn on my show and turn off my brain. Especially because I'm always socializing.

She, like I sad, wants to hang out with me. She wants us to play like 3 hours of board games, mostly so we can talk, or watch documentaries for 2 hours so we can discuss it.

I admit, I maybe didn't show her so much interest in hanging out with her. We don't go out as much as before (my job + her knee) and like, I really really wwnt some time alone in the apartment. I just want to be alone, to chill and relax. And in the last 10 months, I probably had that like 10 times with couple of hours ans that's it.

Am I bad husband because I can't wait for her to get bwck to work, have her own life, socialize with other people and that I have some peace?

Lately, the thought of divorce and separation is on my mind A LOT.

My husband and I have had our fair share of struggles. We’ve been together 10 years and over that time, he’s had multiple addictions, tax debts of over $80k, speeding fines, going to court and getting in trouble with the law, lost his job over drugs or silly behaviour a few times, he’s crashed cars and just been really stupid. Mind you, a lot of that was over five years ago and since having my son nearly two years ago, he’s been sober besides a few beers and is actually an amazing dad.

Over the last 6 months, his drinking has gotten worse. He’s gotten roughly $1k worth of driving fines and dabbling in recreational drug use again and just not making the best choices.

We are not getting along. I don’t have much patience for anything anymore I’m so focused on my son and I’m working and doing everything around the house. We agreed he would clean the dog poo and take the bins out but keeps forgetting. He told me if I’m home “all day” why don’t I just take the bin out, not save it for him. I do take the bin out. I also work 4 days a week in a super busy job. we have no family support as we moved interstate. I do everything around the house, I am looking after my son outside my working days. My husband does work 12hour days, 6 days a week so I get that he would be exhausted. But so am I and I feel like he has this mindset that as a woman, the house is my domain.

I don’t know if I like the person he is anymore. I don’t think his choices or even morals align with mine anymore. his lack of accountability is astounding and he is 35. He used to be a nice person but these days, I don’t recognise him anymore. I don’t know if it’s the resentment or the exhaustion but I think about what it would be like to be separated often and part of me is sad by that but another part of me would be so happy not to deal with all of his shit and look after him the way I do. i think my marriage is over but I don’t know how to navigate that.

Been together 23 years. I had very little drive for many years. I finally found a solution and ignorantly thought things would be great. Well one year later not so much. My husband says he has a lower drive now but I know he still masturbates somewhat regularly.

As I’ve thought and talked to him more I don’t think he’s attracted to me as he’s basically admitted I’m not the body type he likes. He’s definitely not mine but I don’t say negative things about his body and until recently still wanted to have sex with him. I also think he might still be more attracted to younger women. We are both 42. Because he refuses to watch his porn with me- I’m just curious as what he’s into. If we do I choose. He won’t try anything new. When we do have sex it’s often boring and the same and he has complained and even referred to it as his husbandly duty.

I don’t know. Maybe this is just a rant.

I'm looking for outside opinions because I honestly don't know if I'm being too patient or if I'm ignoring obvious red flags.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years.

He has been using THC since he was a teenager, he would finish a THC vape every 1–2 days. I wasn't always completely against marijuana. At first, I thought I could accept it if he used it in moderation, and I even tried it with him for a while. But he has never been able to control it. If he has access to marijuana, he'll use it all day every day.

I've always thought he used marijuana because he was naturally an anxious person, and it seemed to help him relax. But after watching him stay off it for a while, I'm no longer sure that's true. He actually didn't seem nearly as anxious once he is sober for a while. Most of his anxiety seemed to happen between periods of using. Even though he disagrees. Now I honestly don't know whether he's using marijuana because he's anxious, or whether the marijuana itself is contributing to the anxiety. I suspect his marijuana use is harming his mental health.

In the past, he also struggled with other drugs, although he has since quit those, and no relapse. Marijuana is the only substance he hasn't been able to fully quit. We've had countless arguments about this, and I've nearly left several times because he repeatedly promised to quit or cut back but never followed through.

For the past 7 years, our relationship has been completely sexless. At first, I really struggled. But over time, I came to accept that this might simply be part of who he is. It was painful, and I felt like I was giving up an important part of my own needs, but I was willing to adjust my expectations if it meant he could be comfortable and happy.

This year, because of our age, we really needed to start trying for a baby. Even then, we still couldn't have sex. He has essentially no sexual desire at all. Even with ED medication, he can physically get an erection, but still has no interest in sex. He is not gay, and he has had normal sex life but all short lived.

Because sex isn't possible, we've been trying to conceive at home using home insemination, but so far we haven't been successful.

He promised he would stop using marijuana before pregnancy and after the baby was born, but he keeps hiding it. Sometimes it's obvious he's high, but he denies it unless I catch him actively using. I’m now having a very hard time to trust him.

The reason I'm conflicted is that he has made real changes in other areas. He quit harder drugs, gave up many unhealthy habits, we supposed each other through hardship and now our life is otherwise stable. He is lazy but I can deal with it. We both have stable careers, are financially secure, and function well day to day.

But I can't shake the feeling that I'm building a future with someone who may be a ticking time bomb. I don't know how THC will affect my life once we have a child, and I don't know if our sexless marriage will be an issue that I’m not realizing it.

Am I expecting too much, or am I ignoring serious red flags?

So my ex wife hates my current wife. We’ve gone back and forth in court.

There been defamation and use of information and false allegations / claims.

How do I get justice for me and my wife. I’m hurt. She’s hurt and I know we win in court. I have the evidence and such ready to go.

But I don’t know if that’s enough or if I need to blast her as well?

It’s cost mine and my wife’s reputation because apparently in court you can make claims and they are somewhat immune in divorce / custody battles. And I had been told to wait until that was concluded. It has now what can I do?

On 26 June 2026, my husband was involved in a motorcycle crash. Some lady pulled out in front of him, he smashed into the back and rolled down the side and hit his head - and now he’s fighting really for his life at this point. He’s been in TICU and now SICU. I’ve sat by him the entire time since I found out.

What’s crazy is that this woman said she had a hurt neck after the accident - okay, cool, but she got to go home. She’s been at home. My husband however has been struggling to even be taken off sedation at this point. He’s had seizures and a stroke, he has so many fractures and he’s so beat up. He’s on ECMO now, too.

It’s insane because I spoke to him minutes before this had happened, and it only happened 4 minutes from our home. He had only been back 5 days before this happened and he was gone for 8 weeks.

Knowing that he fought so hard as a combat vet and coming home after deployment after so many didn’t… Watching my best friend in this entire world suffering is so heart breaking to see. He didn’t even do anything wrong, he wasn’t being irresponsible or speeding. But a negligent driver has taken everything from us.

I’m just at a loss and I’m doing everything to stay mentally healthy. I’m afraid for the first time in my entire life, actually down to my bones afraid.

Sorry. Just needed to get this out.

My husband (28) and I (27) have been married for 4 years, we are about to have our first baby at the end of September and about a month ago my husband brought up going on a guys trip in February. One of his friends 30th birthday is then and they want to go on a guys snowboarding trip, but the thing is they leave the day before my husbands actual birthday. At that point I would be 4/5 months postpartum, and while I feel okay and don’t want him to miss the opportunity now, I don’t know how I will feel when the time actually comes for him to leave. Ive never been postpartum before so I’m not sure how much or if I would struggle at that point with him gone. We have a really good marriage and we really care for each other, I still want him to be able to do things with his friends. But it is starting to make me sad that this is the first birthday he will spend without me and his son for the first time. Is it reasonable for him to go on this trip? You only live once haha and I don’t want him to miss an opportunity. And maybe it will be harder for him to do these things in the future when we have more kids, so maybe it is a good time. I’m not sure, I’m mentally struggling with this.
For some context too: I work nights as a nurse and I should be returning from maternity leave at that point, I think my mom would be able to stay with me and help take care of our son while he’s gone so that would help. And my husband said they should be able to stay somewhere for cheaper since they know someone up there so financially the trip wouldn’t break the bank.
I’d love any input if anyone has experience with this.