does anyone else still think about an ex even after years of marriage?
i (33 f)had been married for almost two years with my husband (31m), but we dated for five years before getting married. and yet, i still sometimes catch myself thinking about my ex and even feeling sad when i do. he got married two years before i did. and very recently i kept having flashbacks and literally would feel really sad.
for context, my husband came into my life during one of the most vulnerable periods i’ve ever gone through. it was just days after i officially broke up with my ex. i was completely broken at the time—my breakup was extremely painful, and i was dealing with anxiety and depression. i had lost weight, i was constantly crying myself to sleep, and i felt like my whole world had collapsed. my husband was there for me during all of that. he comforted me, supported me, and he knew exactly what I was going through. even then, he still pursued me.
looking back, i think i was very immature at the time. i started dating him a month after the breakup partly because i wanted to distract myself from the pain and not feel so hurt anymore. i genuinely thought it was the right decision back then, and that eventually my feelings for my ex would fade away on their own. i believed time would fix everything.
i know it’s unfair to my husband, because i truly care about him, but i also have to be honest with myself—I never loved him the same way i loved my ex. my husband is kind, loving, and genuinely a good person, but i was never really attracted to him in the same way either.
sometimes, i feel trapped in a marriage where i’m destined to feel miserable because i couldn’t love my husband the way he loves me. our marriage is calm, safe, and secure, and i do appreciate that. but there’s still this part of me that carries feelings from the past.
i don’t entertain those feelings, and i don’t intentionally think about my ex. i’ve always tried to ignore them and move on. but sometimes, he just randomly crosses my mind, and i can’t help but feel a little sad. i even still dream about him sometimes, despite not thinking about him before going to sleep.
i know these feelings don’t necessarily mean i want him back or that i don’t care about my husband. maybe some parts of that relationship and the person i was back then are simply things i never fully let go of. and honestly, that’s the part that makes me sad.
i just wanted to know if anyone else had been in the same situation like me? how did you deal with it?