r/MyEx

So a month ago everything was fine when my ex broke up with me without any explanation. Everything was fine and normal before that. Then after the call he blocked me from every single platform and blocked all of his friends also and deleted his accounts, all of them.
Now when i mailed him to ask him the reason and told him that i would file acase on him since he called me R word, his uncle has been harassing me and my father.
They are a jaat family from Haryana.
He has also sexually abused me.
What should I do I feel very frightened since his uncle called me 10 times yesterday and harassed me and blackmailed me. I am from India, what should be my next step?
Any advice would be very appreciated.

My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago and he works with my dad and today he called my dad to tell him about this girl that noticed his haircut the other day and how she came in and had a full conversation with him. It kind of just feels like a slap in the face, you know.

first time posting anything big on reddit, so bare with me. for context i (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (25M) for almost 8 months. things are perfect, he is so special to me and has helped me through a lot, as i have with him. before we started dating i was in a relationship for 6 months with (fake name) abby (24F) and for context I am bisexual. our relationship was very tumultuous and ended pretty poorly before i backpacked for a month. she had accused me of cheating on her (i did not) and that was what ended it for me. after we broke up she had been sending me insane text messages for the first week i was backpacking. i had told her to give me space, and we’d talk about it after i came back in hopes of us getting back together. when i did come back the texts that she sent me were really terrible, accusatory, rude, and overall disrespectful. so i decided to end it for good. i had told her i didn’t want to talk to her, but she kept reaching out for about a month and i decided to block her on all platforms. shortly after i blocked her i began getting very crude texts everyday, as well as up to 30+ calls a day from anonymous numbers.
here are two examples of texts that were sent to me (each line is a separate text from a thread and these texts happened everyday for about 9 months)

“You hop around on a bunch of dick don't you [my name]?
Guitarist to bearded men! Anything that fits [my name]?
You hop around on a bunch of dick don't you [my name]?
[my name]?
[my name]?
[my name]?
[my name]?
[my name]?
No words [my name]?
You hop around on a bunch of dick don't you [my name]?
Guitarist to bearded men! Anything that fits [my name]?
No words?”

“You're embarrassing yourself!

You're embarrassing yourself!

Performative posts don't make you look sane, [my name]. Maybe post more about OCD!

Performative posts don't make you look sane, [my name]. Maybe post more about OCD!

Please, you already ruined Christmas.
Don't ruin the New Year too!

Please, you already ruined Christmas.
Don't ruin the New Year too!
Are you [my boyfriends]' beard? He looks like he's attracted to young children or men.

Are you [my boyfriends]' beard? He looks like he's attracted to young children or men.

Are you [my boyfriends]' beard? He looks like he's attracted to young children or men.

You're embarrassing yourself!

Please, you already ruined Christmas.
Don't ruin the New Year too!”

im assuming she paid for multiple of these numbers. this went on for MONTHS until i met my boyfriend now. i was so desensitized at this point when we first got together he was astonished. this created a couple arguments at the beginning of our relationship as he was concerned for my safety and i was just used to it. i ended up filing a police report, and changing my number. unfortunately because all of the numbers were different it was pretty impossible to charge her specifically because lack of evidence. however, in recent months, my boyfriend has been getting similar text messages. accusing him of being a pedo (he is absolutely not,) being gay (he’s openly bisexual) calling him as much as she used to with me and more. its definitely not as bad as it was with me, but it’s still really concerning. he’s been really upfront about it, and is definitely trying to be brave for me but it’s all really concerning. it’s still going on and abby and i have been broken up for over a year, im just not sure what to do? i feel like i’ve exhausted the biggest option, and am scared for my safety when im in her part of town. i’ve done the police thing, i’ve changed my number but it’s affecting someone i love so deeply and i just want it to end. any advice helps.

-
ps i’m not sure how to add photos? not sure if i can on reddit. id want to add screenshots for context and proof (ik ppl lie on here) if someone knows please share! thanks for reading

I went no contact with my ex in December of last year. The relationship was so toxic. I don’t even know if I can call it’s a relationship. I know we had love for each other or at least I know I loved him. He was super disrespectful and TOXIC. I put up with it for so long. I finally had enough and just with no contact. I changed my number deleted his number and blocked him on everything sometimes I still think about him. He tried to reach out to me a couple times through email. Once in January once in April, and in June, I never respond, but every time he reaches out, I start to think about him again. I struggled so hard for so long to let that relationship go. I wonder why after so long men try to reach back out. I feel like it’s some type of mind game. You treated me like shit when we were together now all of a sudden you miss me. I don’t know what I’m looking for posting this? I guess I just needed to vent. I never wanna see or speak to him again. But sometimes I do wonder why he’s still trying to reach out.

if someone used you as a rebound then went back to ex , did they ever came back?

I really need advice because I feel completely stuck and overwhelmed.
I’m from India F(23)
I was in a 4-year relationship that became emotionally abusive. My ex repeatedly used extremely abusive language towards me and even my parents. Every time it happened, he would either apologize briefly or involve his mother, who would call me and ask me to give him another chance. The pattern kept repeating for years, and nothing actually changed.
Around the end of last year, I realized I couldn’t continue anymore. I told him clearly that I wanted to end the relationship because I could no longer forget or accept the verbal abuse. I didn’t ghost him or disappear. I tried to explain my reasons calmly over several months. By then, my romantic feelings had already been gone for a long time.
Instead of accepting the breakup, he started blaming me for everything. He says I ruined his life and his studies, even though I never intended to hurt him. He keeps contacting me from different numbers after I block him, sometimes using his mother’s phone. During these calls, he apologizes for a moment and then starts abusing me again. He has also threatened to come to my house and involve my family.
He taunts me for my past relationships because I was fool enough to tell him everything but it never had to anything with him I never cheated him
I always supported him emotionally because he had anxiety issues for to my surprise he never acknowledged that yes you supported me he was like oh you did nothing
He wants to meet “one last time,” but I don’t want to meet him because every interaction ends with more abuse and threats. I don’t feel safe, and I don’t want to give him false hope.
The hardest part is that I don’t have a supportive family I can comfortably tell, and I have almost no friends. I feel embarrassed talking about this, even though I know I probably shouldn’t.
I’m exhausted. I feel trapped, guilty, and constantly anxious because of the threats. Right now, I’m struggling a lot emotionally and I honestly don’t know what to do. TL;DR

You know what I’m the angriest about?
It’s not even the breakup anymore.
It’s the fact that I spent so much of our relationship trying to understand you while you were making it impossible for me to understand what was actually happening.
You looked me in the eyes and promised me you would never cheat on me.
You promised me you would never hurt me.
I believed you.
Not because I was naive, but because I loved you enough to trust the person standing in front of me.
Now I look back and wonder how much of our relationship I was the only one living in.
I spent months questioning myself.
Maybe it was your testosterone.
Maybe it was your depression.
Maybe it was stress.
Maybe I wasn’t attractive enough.
Maybe I was asking for too much.
Do you know what never crossed my mind?
That I was trying to solve problems while you were hiding the biggest ones from me.
I defended you.
To everyone.
Over and over again.
I gave you every benefit of the doubt I could possibly give another human being.
Meanwhile, I was being lied to.
Whether it was drugs, cheating, or anything else you chose not to tell me, you left me trying to build a relationship with someone who wasn’t giving me the full truth.
That is what I’m angry about.
I wasn’t given the chance to make informed decisions about my own life.
You made those decisions for me every time you chose secrecy over honesty.
And then…
After everything.
After I loved you.
After I moved my life because you said you needed me.
After I supported you emotionally, financially, physically.
After I dreamed with you.
After I gave you chances.
You accused me of stealing from you.
You called me manipulative.
Vindictive.
Pathetic.
You took one of the hardest things I’ve ever admitted to another person—that I’ve struggled with and have spent years in therapy trying to change—and you used it as a weapon to make sure nothing I said could ever be believed.
Do you have any idea how cruel that is?
I told you because I trusted you.
Not because I was handing you ammunition for the day you decided to hate me.
You know what hurts the most?
I wasn’t trying to destroy you.
Even after everything.
I was trying to separate peacefully.
I wanted to give you time to find a roommate.
I offered to let you keep the business.
I kept your phone active so you could transfer your number.
I answered your questions.
I kept everything in writing because that’s what you wanted.
And still…
I became the villain in your story.
Maybe that’s easier than admitting your own choices.
Maybe it’s easier to believe I manipulated everything than to sit with what you actually did.
I don’t know.
What I do know is this:
I deserved honesty.
I deserved fidelity.
I deserved a partner who didn’t make me question reality.
I deserved someone who didn’t make me wonder every day whether I was wanted.
I deserved someone who didn’t accuse me of crimes after I spent months trying to help them.
I deserved someone who protected my heart the way I tried to protect theirs.
And despite all of this…
I still don’t hate you.
I hate what happened.
I hate what drugs may have taken from you.
I hate what lies took from us.
I hate that I had to bury the future I thought we were building.
But I don’t hate you.
I pity the version of you that chose secrecy over honesty.
Because one day, if you ever become truly sober, truly honest, and truly willing to look at yourself without excuses…
You’re going to have to live with the fact that someone loved you enough to build an entire future beside you.
And you traded that future for choices that destroyed the very thing you claimed mattered most.
That’s the tragedy.
Not that I left.
That I finally had to.
— The woman who loved you enough to stay far longer than she should have.

I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago. I moved across the country to get away from him and help me move on. I have to go back to where he lives for a surgery in Feb (we will be broken up a year and a few months by then). I’m not looking to have a relationship, but I’d appreciate if he’d sit with me for when I first get out of surgery to make sure everything is ok. Perhaps a hook up the night before lmao. He helped me during a couple surgeries. We broke up because he relied on me for everything and manipulated me/ abused me kinda occasionally. It wasn’t that serious of abusive though.

Does it sound like a bad idea to ask for his help to save me from paying someone to support me? If I were to reach out to him during the winter to ask, how should I approach it?

Hey trash yup your new name. You deserve it being a complete pos. Let them know to keep my name away from their mouth. Those H*** ain't nothing compared to me LMAO. I know what I got and my worth as for you little miserable boy crying like a child to fake the crap so everyone feels sorry. I feel bad for your kids man they have a nothing for a dad. All the illegal crap you do . Yup know all that. Get help go to rehab. I honestly can't stand you and wish you the worst I'm just waiting it's coming haha

Has anyone ever fallen out of love while the other person finally changed?
(Names have been changed for privacy.)
Hi everyone.
This is probably the longest post I’ve ever written, so thank you if you read it. I really need an outside perspective because I’ve been living with this situation for so long that I honestly can’t tell anymore whether what I feel is love, compassion, guilt, or simply fear of making the wrong decision.
Everything started about a year ago.
At that time, I had just ended a 1.5-year relationship. I lived in the same building as a guy I’ll call Vlad and his girlfriend Nastya.
She had moved to Germany, and Vlad often told me how unhappy he was in their relationship. According to him, they argued constantly, things had become very unhealthy, and he wanted to end it.
We started talking a lot.
He supported me after my breakup, and I supported him. In a very short time he gave me something I hadn’t felt in a long time—attention, kindness, emotional support, and peace.
I fell in love with him.
A few days later, he officially ended things with Nastya, and we started dating.
I was genuinely happy.
I loved taking care of him. I cooked for him, helped him financially when he struggled, bought groceries when he had no money, gave him small gifts, and tried to make him feel loved every single day.
About a month later everything changed.
He admitted that he still couldn’t let go of his previous relationship.
They had been together for three years, and he wanted to try to fix things with her.
It completely broke my heart.
We still saw each other almost every day because we lived in the same building. He kept apologizing and saying he felt ashamed.
About a week later he came back, saying he had made a huge mistake because they were already arguing again.
I decided to give him another chance.
Around that time Nastya decided to return to Iceland.
Vlad told her he didn’t want to get back together, but she reacted very emotionally and put a lot of pressure on him. Her mother also asked him not to cut contact because she believed her daughter wasn’t in a good emotional state.
I tried to be understanding.
When Nastya arrived, Vlad let her stay with him because she had no apartment, no job, and almost no money.
Then something happened that still hurts to think about.
He crossed a boundary with her that I never thought he would.
For reasons I still struggle to understand, I forgave him.
Looking back, I honestly don’t know how.
I think I simply loved him that much.
Not long after that he ended our relationship again.
He said he needed time alone to figure out whether I was really the person he wanted to spend his life with.
A while later another serious situation happened between him and Nastya that involved the authorities. It became extremely stressful for him.
When everything settled down, I skipped college to go see him because he was completely devastated.
I stayed with him, comforted him, helped him organize his apartment, and tried to support him however I could.
The following day he messaged me saying he felt completely hopeless.
I got off my bus early and went to him.
I sat beside him for hours.
That day he told me about the beginning of his relationship with Nastya.
He talked about the good memories they once had together, about losing a pregnancy years earlier, about the cat they had adopted, and how much those memories still affected him.
He also admitted that he still had feelings for her.
That was the moment I realized I couldn’t be with someone whose heart still belonged somewhere else.
I told him we should just stay friends.
A few days later he stopped talking to me and went back to her.
Later he explained that it wasn’t because he truly wanted the relationship back but because he felt trapped by everything that had happened between them and hoped the situation would calm down if he stayed.
Even then he continued telling me that he loved me.
Months passed like this.
They kept separating and reconnecting.
The relationship remained very unhealthy.
At one point Nastya even approached me and tried to convince me that Vlad had lied to me about many things.
I didn’t know what to believe anymore.
Eventually Vlad became emotionally exhausted.
He reached out to a social worker for help and explained everything that had been happening.
They even suggested moving him somewhere else so he could finally distance himself from the situation.
Throughout all of this I kept worrying about him.
I wanted to protect him.
I wanted him to finally find peace.
Eventually he ended the relationship for good.
He moved to Germany.
He found a stable job.
He started looking for an apartment.
Now he tells me he’s doing all of this because he wants a future with me.
He says that if I don’t want to move to Germany, he’ll come back to Iceland instead.
He tells me he loves me.
He says he tells his sister and his best friend about me.
He apologizes constantly.
He says losing me was the biggest mistake of his life.
He says he’ll wait as long as it takes.
But here’s the problem.
During all this time…
something inside me changed.
Once I loved him with everything I had.
I would’ve done absolutely anything for him.
Now I don’t feel that same love anymore.
I care deeply about him.
I want him to be okay.
Sometimes I just want to hug him, cook him a meal, and make sure he’s finally at peace.
But I honestly don’t know whether that’s love…
or compassion for someone I once loved with my whole heart.
He says he’s changed.
He says he finally understands what he lost.
He says he wants to build a family with me.
Part of me believes he truly regrets everything.
But another part of me keeps asking:
If someone really loved me, why did they make those choices in the first place?
When I loved him, I didn’t just make promises.
I showed up.
I supported him.
I took care of him.
I stayed.
Now he says he’s working hard for our future, but sometimes it feels like I’m hearing promises again, even if they’re much more sincere this time.
What makes this even harder is that I genuinely feel sorry for him.
Years ago I was the one crying over him.
Now our roles have completely reversed.
I know exactly how much this kind of pain hurts.
And because I know that feeling so well, I struggle with the guilt of not being able to love him the way I once did.
Sometimes I wonder…
Has he truly changed?
Am I about to lose someone who could actually make me happy?
Or am I simply confusing compassion with love because I can’t stand seeing someone I once loved suffer?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced something similar.
Have you ever fallen out of love while the other person finally became the partner you always wanted?
Were you able to rebuild the relationship?
Can love come back after so much pain?
Or is compassion usually a sign that it’s time to let go?
Thank you so much if you made it this far. I genuinely appreciate any advice or personal experiences.

Want some good ideas on how I can take revenge on my CHEATER ex , I have proofs and his number z ids , bank account number. Someone please suggest me a good revenge idea.

He is in UK right now , illford to be specific

Ciao a tutti, vorrei un parere esterno perché faccio davvero fatica a dare un senso a quello che è successo.

Io ho 19 anni, lei 21. Siamo stati insieme due anni e mezzo. È stata una relazione bellissima: siamo cresciuti insieme, abbiamo fatto tantissimi viaggi (Londra, Valencia, Zante), weekend ad Asiago, cucinavamo insieme, passavamo tantissimo tempo con le rispettive famiglie e parlavamo continuamente del futuro.

Lei mi diceva spesso che ero l’uomo con cui voleva passare la vita. Mi aveva regalato perfino un bavaglino da neonato dicendomi che un giorno sarebbe stato per nostro figlio (avevamo anche scelto il nome, Achille). Per questo motivo faccio ancora fatica a capire cosa sia successo.

A maggio è entrata in un periodo molto difficile: era stressata per la maturità, aveva attacchi di panico e pochissimi amici.

Il 3 maggio mi lascia per la prima volta. Una settimana dopo vado sotto casa sua con una lettera e dei fiori. Si commuove tantissimo, piange, mi abbraccia, rimaniamo insieme tutta la giornata, cuciniamo, andiamo a giocare a bowling e tornando a casa si commuove di nuovo. Pubblica una storia con scritto “Stronger than ever” e, quando le restituisco il bavaglino, mi dice ancora: “Questo lo daremo a nostro figlio.”

Io ero convinto che la crisi fosse finita.

Dieci giorni dopo mi lascia definitivamente dicendomi che non prova più gli stessi sentimenti.

Da lì abbiamo continuato a sentirci per circa una settimana, poi abbiamo iniziato il no contact.

Nel frattempo ha stretto un rapporto molto forte con una nuova amica, Yasmine. Oggi sui social pubblica quasi esclusivamente foto con lei, repost sull’amicizia e frasi del tipo “Lei > qualsiasi uomo”.

All’inizio io ho interpretato qualsiasi cosa pubblicasse: note, repost, storie, secondo profilo… Cercavo continuamente di capire cosa stesse pensando.

Poi è successa una cosa che mi ha confuso ancora di più.

Dopo circa un mese di no contact, il giorno della mia maturità, mi ha scritto spontaneamente:

“Nonostante tutto ci tenevo a congratularmi con te per la maturità. Sono contenta che tu abbia raggiunto questo traguardo.”

Io le ho semplicemente risposto ringraziandola e augurandole buona fortuna per il suo esame. Fine.

Nel frattempo io sto cercando di riprendermi.

Ho preso la maturità, sono tornato in palestra, esco molto con gli amici, sono perfino tornato a Zante, dove eravamo stati insieme l’anno scorso. Avevo una paura enorme di tornarci ma, nonostante tanti ricordi, è andata meglio del previsto.

La cosa che continuo a non capire è questa.

Com’è possibile che una persona che fino a pochi giorni prima parlava di figli, matrimonio e vita insieme, dopo dieci giorni dica di non provare più gli stessi sentimenti?

Era tutto vero e poi è cambiato qualcosa?

Oppure era una crisi che covava da tempo e io non me ne sono accorto?

Secondo voi cosa può essere successo nella sua testa?

E soprattutto… cosa vi aspettate realisticamente che succeda adesso?

Non intendo “tornerà o non tornerà” perché so che nessuno può saperlo.

Mi interessa capire se, secondo la vostra esperienza, una persona che vive una rottura in questo modo, dopo una relazione così lunga, può cambiare prospettiva con il tempo oppure, nella maggior parte dei casi, quando si arriva a questo punto è davvero finita.

Mi piacerebbe sentire soprattutto il parere di chi ha vissuto una situazione simile, sia dalla parte di chi è stato lasciato sia da quella di chi ha lasciato.

Grazie a chi risponderà.

​

I (23F) didn’t leave him — he broke up with me (26M). After 6 years of emotional neglect, financial exploitation, and cheating, I don’t know how to move forward.

I need advice because I feel completely lost.

I was with L (26M) for six years. I’m 23F, and the girl he cheated on me with is 20. For most of our relationship, I supported him financially, emotionally, and practically. I genuinely believed we were building a future together. Instead, I slowly realised I was carrying everything while he contributed nothing and blamed me for everything.

And despite everything he did, I didn’t leave him. He broke up with me.

He told me he “needed space,” that he “felt like I hadn’t been in love with him for two years,” and that he “needed to work on himself.” But the breakup happened right after I finally brought up how neglected I felt — how he only seemed to want to see me if I was paying for things. I can’t shake the feeling that he used my honesty as a way out.

The cheating

L cheated on me with a girl he met through TikTok. He told me she was just a “friend off Xbox.” He used my money to travel to London to see her. He pawned the PS5 he got me for Christmas and the Nintendo Switch I bought him — all to fund that trip.

While he was in London cheating, he had me stay at his house to look after his dog and clean his home. I spent three days cleaning his room alone. He didn’t even say thank you.

The financial exploitation

He constantly asked me for money even when he knew I was broke. If I didn’t give it, he asked A. If A said no, he asked his parents. He refused to buy anything non‑designer, insisted on branded food, and genuinely didn’t understand that we couldn’t afford that lifestyle.

I paid for his food shop and takeaways three times a week. I covered bills. I cleaned his house and garage. I supported him for five years while he got fired or let go from every job except one — a live‑in carer role he only kept because they don’t pay him for overnight stays and no one else would do that for free.

The emotional neglect

For the last six months of the relationship, I cried every single drive to work and back. Before the breakup, because he never wanted to see me and always said no when I asked. After the breakup, because I was terrified he’d realise he was happier without me or do something stupid.

When I cried, it made him angry. Him being angry made me cry more. So conversations never happened.

We haven’t had sex since December. No physical affection. When I tried to talk about needing closeness or feeling neglected, he yelled at me.

He shouted at me for asking simple questions, for asking him to repeat something, for asking for clarification. I loved him so much, but I didn’t deserve those reactions.

The mental health dynamics

He said I didn’t notice when his mental health got bad. But he didn’t notice mine either. He didn’t notice when I started self‑harming again. When I used to do it, he shouted at me because it “brought back things for him,” so I hid it better.

He refused to get help. I begged him to see a doctor, try meds, go to therapy. He refused because he “doesn’t want a pakki doctor” and “meds don’t work.” Meanwhile, he ignored me for months, refused to let me stay over, and only saw me for two hours a week.

The blame

He blamed me for him quitting his job during COVID “to spend more time with me” — something he didn’t tell me until we broke up. He blamed me for ditching friends because I didn’t want drugs around me (I didn’t care if they did drugs; I just didn’t want to be there when they did). He blamed our careers not progressing on me switching degrees.

He blamed everything except himself.

The fights

He started a fight on New Year’s. We got kicked out of a venue. I was crying while he screamed at another guy. My friend M hugged me and tried to calm me down. L shouted at me to “fuck off home if you’re gonna cry.”

A few months ago, I cried to him that I missed seeing him. He told me to go home if I was going to cry.

The breakup — how it actually happened

He told me he needed “space.” He said he felt like I hadn’t loved him for two years. He said he needed to “work on himself.” But he didn’t want to talk about anything. He didn’t want to fix anything. He didn’t want to hear my side.

I didn’t leave him.

He left me.

And he left right after I finally opened up about feeling used and neglected. It feels like he waited for me to say something he didn’t like so he could blame the breakup on me instead of admitting his own behaviour.

The future I planned vs. the reality

My plan was to graduate uni, find us somewhere to live, and for him to get a full‑time job and move in. But now I know he would have tried to live rent‑free while I worked myself into the ground, paid for everything, cleaned everything, and reminded him to do basic tasks.

Where I’m at now

He said we needed space to grow individually. I’ve been doing the work — journaling, reflecting, trying to understand myself. I realised I blamed myself for everything at first, but I didn’t ruin his life. Before he met me, he had already dropped out of sixth form and college and was working caring for S.

I write letters to him every day now. I won’t send them. But it helps me process.

I love him more than I probably should. But I’m trying to remind myself that I didn’t deserve the way he treated me. And I can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves.

What I need advice on

I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how to stop feeling guilty, or scared, or responsible. I don’t know how to stop loving someone who hurt me this much. I don’t know how to rebuild my self‑worth after years of being blamed, ignored, and used.

How do I heal from this? How do I stop wanting someone who treated me so badly? How do I move on from someone I gave everything to — especially when he’s the one who left?

I (28F) need a reality check because I am completely confused by this man’s behavior. He and his ex were together since they were 15, now late 30’s, separated 5 years and they share kids.

He constantly complains to me about how much she stresses him out and calls her awful names behind her back. But two weeks ago, I saw them together at a group meeting and there was a massive amount of awkward tension in the air, likely longest they have been together in a room for a while. They kept going outside together to smoke. Later that day I met him and we had sex.

For context, I’ve been sleeping with him on and off for 9 months, and he constantly vents to me about her drama and seeks reassurance I think from me. Recently, she called him for advice because she found out she was pregnant by her now ex boyfriend. She ultimately decided not to go ahead with the pregnancy, but she was leaning on my guy for advice regarding how it would affect their own kids. He told me all of this in confidence and asked me not to repeat it.

On top of that, at the end of last year, she claimed he tried to get back with her. He strongly denies this, insisting he hates her and only speaks to her for the sake of the kids. He claims that if they didn't have children together, he would cut all ties completely. Their daughter recently apparently told her that she wanted her to ‘find someone like dad’ and his ex immediately rang him to tell him, so he spoke to his daughter about it.

What are peoples thoughts please? Am I thinking too much into this?

so me F (22) and my ex M (22) broke up in January of this year. we talked about getting back together in may, and he slept with an 18 year old girl on my graduation night whatever. like we were in the process of being back together and he dead ass raw dogged this girl behind my back. he also messed up my car with his homeboy. anyways his homeboy and i talked before i got with him... and i told him about a past fling i had. this past fling (21) M is african american. i never mentioned it to him bc it was nothing serious. well everytime i speak to my ex, he will bring him up now because i went off on his homeboy's girlfriend F (22) and im assuming he was pissed about what i said, which was all truth, so he told my ex about my past fling. well my ex is lowkey racist, and idk if hes jealous or just psychotic but he will continuously bring up this past fling, mind you, from 2 years ago, that i didnt speak to when we were together nor when we broke up. so yeah? thoughts?

Problem/Goal: I left my ex-boyfriend because we have different religions (I am INC, and he is non-INC). Although he wasn't really trying to reach out to me since, I told all my circles to ignore and block him because I don't want him to have anything to do with me anymore.

Context: I'm (F, 30) dating a non-INC (M, 30) for months prior to our separation. I was the one who confessed my feelings for him. I opened up that I admire his kindness, his patience, and his intelligence. When he asked me how I expected it will go, I said outfront that I expect him to convert into an INC member. He was reluctant at first, telling me to think about it intently and pray about it. I thought that would be the end of it, but he became kinder and gentler with me, to the point that we continued dating. His only condition back then was if I would proselytize to him, I should also be open to what he has to share about his faith. I agreed. I gave him copies of Pasugo, while he gave me materials from his own church. He is an Evangelical, but he is open to learn more about the INC. For me, that was enough. At the time being.

We became more intimate with each other. He is very thoughtful, caring, and I found more to admire about him every day, but the difference in religion kept hanging on our heads. I cannot match his intensity and his knowledge. While he is non-INC, he knows the Bible and the INC more than I do. There are times when I think he was trying to make me realize things, though he wouldn't admit them. It came to a time that I stopped him from sharing, and that when it comes to religion, my mind is closed. There is no other truth out there. If he wanted to know more about the INC, I directed him to have Bible studies with our ministers. I did not want him to convert because of me, but because he believed in my faith.

It took him some time to completely stop, but I got really mad at him when I heard from others how he viewed beneficiaries of INC Housing as "fanatic." He explained to me that it was from what he heard from other INC members. It was not his personal opinion, but I think he should have not said that if he does not believe it in the first place. I reached the decision to dump him. I went silent for days, but he kept reaching out to me. Deep down, I miss him, so I gave him another chance.

Although we stopped talking about religion, and every other topic I told him I am sensitive about, my conscience kept bugging me that I should not continue our special connection. I became more restrictive. I don't want him touching me, and I don't want to be seen near him, although he travels far just to see me personally. I became angrier with him. I stopped reciprocating his proactive approach in our relationship. He was puzzled by my shift in behavior. I explained to him that I cannot afford to be expelled from the church. I come from an INC minister's family. My parents are employed thanks to the church. We live in housing provided by the INC. I study in an INC-managed university (NEU). I wanted him to understand that I cannot be reported and expelled because of dating a non-INC. I emphasized the church doctrine that I cannot have a boyfriend who is not a church member.

To my surprise, he was very accommodating and understanding. While there are times when he teased about my restrictions, saying there are Bible verses which allow believers and unbelievers to be married, he is respectful enough to comply with all of my demands. He also kept himself open to anything INC that I would share with him, although I am saying I am not open about his faith anymore. I keep chasing him away, but he is also exhibiting traits that someone would typically want from a man. He is not perfect, but he has a lot of ideas and opinions. I appreciate his steady presence. When we fought, it was he who would usually apologize. He says sorry whether or not it was his fault.

There are times when he got mad at me for giving incomplete information, but he proved to be more forgiving than I am. When I told him what really happened, he said he understood me, and that was it. I was goading him that if I were in his position, I would have been angrier. By omitting information, I basically lied to him. He did not hold me as liable as I expected. He is a skeptical man, but when it comes to me, I usually need to explain things, and he accepts them just as easily. However, when I got into an accident, that was when things really went south. I told him to stop bothering me while I am recovering. I can tell he was very concerned, especially with his messages for me, but after that, he obeyed me.

I got the outcome I wanted, but why does it feel like he should have stayed? I wanted him to stay in touch. He was always there for me. He always reached out to me regardless of the situation, but now, there is nothing. Did he lie to me? Is he abandoning me now in my time of need? Did I make the right decision to let him be?

From the start, he warned me about the possible consequences of this connection, but he still chose to honor the privilege of being with me. I keep sewing the same wound with thread that splits at the knot. I can feel his desire to pull me away from the INC, but I kept rejecting him. I cannot afford to leave the church, but to him, it appears I can afford to lose him. At the back of my mind, I thought the latter is the more logical option. For all that he has done for me and what we had, I decided to leave him. I did not love him enough to risk what I already have in life.

Previous Attempts: I asked our mutual friends and acquaintances to try to see what he was up to after our separation. I suspected he would be attempting to tarnish my image and reputation, or try to win me back through extreme measures.

This is the original post

TL;DR

my bf of 6 months told me his mother had passed suddenly from a brain aneurysm, continued to date me for a month as I tried to support him, then we broke up. 7 months later I find out through someone that works with his mom that she's STILL ALIVE.

! Why would anyone do this? Literally nothing he told me about himself is likely true.

if you meet someone online, meet their friends and family ASAP ig.

Idek what I'm supposed to take away from this.

Hi guys. I could really use some perspective because my brain has been a mess this week. Please be kind.

I (22F) am actually in a relationship with someone right now (about 4 months). It’s okay.. we’re still feeling things out. But this post isn’t really about him.

Before graduate school, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend in January 2025. It was a difficult breakup, but I knew it was the right decision.
I had never really been a dating app person, but in March 2025 I downloaded Hinge. I went on a few dates, and eventually I met a guy (28M). He was a doctor who had graduated from a top medical school. He was objectively very attractive but also socially awkward in a way that I actually found kind of endearing. I’m only giving these details because they matter to how I saw him at the time.

Looking back, I was incredibly naïve.

My previous relationship had left me with pretty low expectations, and I think I wanted this guy to choose me so badly that I slowly started molding myself into what I thought he would like. I dressed differently, tried to always say the right things, and honestly spent a lot of energy trying to be “the girl” he’d eventually commit to.

We saw each other for about eight months.
The problem was that our “dates” were almost always at bars or his apartment at night. We never really went on real dinner dates. He would always tell me he wanted to see me during the day but that he worked until 10 p.m. most nights and was just incredibly busy. Because he was older than me and had such a demanding career, I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt.

In November, about five months after we met, he sent me a long text saying he didn’t want to lead me on because he was too busy to be a good boyfriend.

I accepted it. Then a couple months later, he texted me saying he missed me and wanted to see me.
I gave in. We spent another night together.
Two weeks later he texted me saying he had started seeing someone else. That completely crushed me.
Around that same time, one of my friends made a fake Hinge profile and matched with him, which made me think he wasn’t even exclusively seeing someone yet. At that point I realized I had to move on, so I did.

Honestly… I hadn’t really thought about him in months. Then this week I looked him up on Facebook (yes, I know I shouldn’t have), and I saw that he has a girlfriend now.
That completely reopened something I thought I had already healed from.
What’s confusing me is that my brain immediately started comparing myself to her.

I want to be really careful how I say this because I don’t actually know this woman, and this isn’t meant to insult her at all. She could be a wonderful person. My comparison isn’t really about her.

It’s about me trying to understand what happened.

From the outside, I keep looking for some obvious explanation.. appearance, career, personality, age, because my brain desperately wants an answer for why someone who once told me I was “everything he wanted” ultimately built a relationship with someone else.

He used to tell me I was beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, and that I was a combination of qualities he’d never found before. Hearing those things and then seeing him happily in a relationship with someone else has made my brain start questioning everything.
I know I don’t have the full story of their relationship
I know comparison isn’t healthy. But emotionally, I keep coming back to the same question:

“Why wasn’t I the person he chose?”
I also think I’ve realized something uncomfortable about myself.
Looking back, I don’t think my biggest mistake was failing to communicate what I wanted. I actually did communicate things.
My mistake was staying after it became clear he wasn’t giving me the kind of relationship I wanted.

Instead of leaving, I kept hoping that if I were patient enough, pretty enough, interesting enough, or understanding enough, eventually he’d choose me.

Now seeing him in a committed relationship has made me feel like all of that effort meant nothing.

Logically, I know that’s probably not true.

Emotionally, it’s really hard not to attach this to my worth.
I don’t even want him back anymore. I think I’m grieving the future I once imagined with him and trying to understand why seeing him move on has affected me this much.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

More importantly… how do you stop measuring your worth by whether someone chose you?