i (33 f)had been married for almost two years with my husband (31m), but we dated for five years before getting married. and yet, i still sometimes catch myself thinking about my ex and even feeling sad when i do. he got married two years before i did. and very recently i kept having flashbacks and literally would feel really sad.

for context, my husband came into my life during one of the most vulnerable periods i’ve ever gone through. it was just days after i officially broke up with my ex. i was completely broken at the time—my breakup was extremely painful, and i was dealing with anxiety and depression. i had lost weight, i was constantly crying myself to sleep, and i felt like my whole world had collapsed. my husband was there for me during all of that. he comforted me, supported me, and he knew exactly what I was going through. even then, he still pursued me.

looking back, i think i was very immature at the time. i started dating him a month after the breakup partly because i wanted to distract myself from the pain and not feel so hurt anymore. i genuinely thought it was the right decision back then, and that eventually my feelings for my ex would fade away on their own. i believed time would fix everything.

i know it’s unfair to my husband, because i truly care about him, but i also have to be honest with myself—I never loved him the same way i loved my ex. my husband is kind, loving, and genuinely a good person, but i was never really attracted to him in the same way either.
sometimes, i feel trapped in a marriage where i’m destined to feel miserable because i couldn’t love my husband the way he loves me. our marriage is calm, safe, and secure, and i do appreciate that. but there’s still this part of me that carries feelings from the past.
i don’t entertain those feelings, and i don’t intentionally think about my ex. i’ve always tried to ignore them and move on. but sometimes, he just randomly crosses my mind, and i can’t help but feel a little sad. i even still dream about him sometimes, despite not thinking about him before going to sleep.
i know these feelings don’t necessarily mean i want him back or that i don’t care about my husband. maybe some parts of that relationship and the person i was back then are simply things i never fully let go of. and honestly, that’s the part that makes me sad.

i just wanted to know if anyone else had been in the same situation like me? how did you deal with it?

I (22F) was dating this girl (28F) for 2 years. I never cheated or did anything bad ever I never gave her any type of issue . Back in February we started having some major problems because of her and they kept getting worse as time went on. She cheated on me multiple times and we finally broke up on May 9th. We went no contact for a week but we started talking again and we talked everyday and eventually talked about getting back together. she got cold and distant out of nowhere and ended up confessing she was talking to someone else so i let her be. She comes back saying she misses me and wants this to work and I stupidly took her back and we started talking about fixing things. I had moved to California in the time we separated and she convinced me coming home would be good for our relationship so I booked a flight home and the day before my flight she blocks me cause I “overstimulated” her. Anyways I started texting her as I’m going home and she said she don’t love me and she wishes me the best but it was already to late to back out. In the past month I have reached out trying to figure out what exactly happened ( I did get my answer) but every time I reached out she was so disgustingly mean . She said she’s fully moved on and She called me ugly, she said I’m not patient and this new girl is better than me in a lot of ways. She says she’s happier where she’s at and she’s not coming back and that I’m mental and need to move on with my life. It’s just so mean she’s even had her new gf message me telling me how they were sleeping together the whole time. I honestly don’t know why she’s would even respond if she’s “fully moved on “. But now I’ve now been home a full
Month by myself and I’m still so hurt and like I understand that it’s my fault for allowing her back so many times but this was my first adult relationship and I really wanted it to work. at this point I’m not mad she has a gf or anything because i genuinely do want her happy but i guess i just don’t understand why she’s so mean? Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment after a break up that really wasn’t your fault? Do people ever regret treating people like this? What could be the reason for her acting like that?

Okay sounds desperate but idk he wasn’t in my head most the times it’s been like 3 months but ….just a few days ago I matches on tinder with my ex’s friend which I though was his friend but when I talked to the guy it was his bf so my ex was in a double relationship…that should make me hate him but for the past couple of days it’s like I’ve been under some spells that I miss him and want to get back with him even after knowing he is a cheater . I’ve gone as far as contacting my assamise friend to use some magic and trying to follow his private account from my spam id ..how . Do .i . Get .him .back

She was on her way out I could tell she was thinking of someone else while being with me.

There was nothing I could do she made her mind up.

I stopped being nice and rushed the process.

I made sure she despised me before she left.

A sad man indeed.

I (25F) broke up with my long-distance boyfriend (23M) of 4 years because he refuses to work or study. Now he says he’ll change. Am I giving up on the love of my life?
I’ve been with my ex for 4 years. We’re both European but from different countries, so it has always been long distance.
When we met, I was 22 and he was 20. He was playing professional soccer at the time, but eventually got kicked out after an incident. He also dropped out of high school and has never wanted to pursue further education. His view has always been that university is pointless and that he’s “too good” for a normal job. He wanted to become an entrepreneur instead.
At the beginning, I supported this. I was a student too, so I thought we were young and would figure things out together. I believed in his ideas and genuinely thought he had potential.
I was also the one doing most of the traveling. I would visit him and stay with his family, while he never came to my country.
After graduating, I moved to Canada because living abroad had always been a dream of mine. We decided he would move there too and start a clothing brand. He had saved/raised some money and came to Canada.
This is where things really changed for me.
I was working an exhausting job just to cover our basic expenses. He, meanwhile, wasn’t working. He spent most of his time at home saying he was working on his business ideas, but there was very little actual progress. No designs, no market research, no launch plan, etc.
I was working all day and then coming home to do groceries and deal with finances, while he wasn’t cooking, cleaning, or contributing financially.
At the same time, he would want to take Ubers everywhere, go to expensive restaurants and buy things despite us being in a very precarious financial situation. I was constantly budgeting because I was terrified we’d run out of money, while he seemed to assume things would somehow work out.
Eventually I gave him some of my remaining money because I believed he was going to use it to invest in the business/pay expenses. The business never launched. He seemed to expect people would immediately love the brand, and when that didn’t happen, he basically backed away.
Eventually I ran out of money and even lost my housing situation, so we had to return to our respective countries.
That experience honestly traumatized me. I kept thinking about what would have happened if I had just focused on myself and my own life.
After returning home, I immediately started working professionally and began an MBA, despite struggling emotionally after everything that happened.
He stayed at home.
For the next two years, he continued to talk about different business ideas and projects. Every few weeks/months there would be something new. I’d tell him he needed to focus on one thing and actually execute it, which would often turn into an argument.
He also didn’t visit me for those two years. His reasoning was that he had limited money and needed to save it for his business, while I should come visit him because staying at his family home would be cheaper.
But I didn’t want to anymore.
I had started working professionally. I wanted to travel, experience life, spend some of my money and build my own future. But whenever I wanted to do those things, I’d feel guilty because I thought I was being a bad girlfriend for not putting enough effort into our relationship.
I even offered to pay for a vacation for us, but he didn’t follow through with it.
Eventually, I broke up with him.
And honestly? I felt relieved.
For the first time in years, I felt like I had complete autonomy over my own life. I didn’t have to constantly think about where we would live, how we would survive financially, whether his next idea would work, or whether I was doing enough for the relationship.
But the breakup was still incredibly painful.
For years I had convinced myself that what we had was incredibly rare. I thought our connection was almost “otherworldly.” I was terrified he would be the one who got away and that I’d regret leaving him for the rest of my life.
I also always told myself that money comes and goes and that personality matters more. He was loving, understood me in ways other people didn’t, and accepted me despite my anxiety and overthinking. I genuinely thought he was the perfect person for me.
I also blamed myself a LOT.
I thought I was too difficult, too anxious, too demanding. I kept thinking that maybe I wasn’t giving enough.
But over time, I worked very hard on myself. He seemed to do the opposite. He mostly stayed in his room and continued doing the same things.
One of the final things that really made me realize how disconnected we were was a conversation about driving. He told me that in the future he would be the one driving us everywhere.
I pointed out that he doesn’t even have a driver’s license and refuses to get one because he doesn’t have money for things like gas.
He often talks about how the world is against him and how he’s alone and nobody supports him.
Meanwhile, his parents are struggling financially, and he doesn’t work to help them. They have even offered to support him if he wants to go to school, but he refuses because he wants to pursue his own business ideas.
And now that I’ve finally ended the relationship, he’s telling me everything will change.
He says he’ll work any job. He says he’ll study. He says he’ll become a tattoo artist because he’s good at drawing. He says he’ll do whatever I want and that we simply didn’t put enough effort into the relationship.
The frustrating part is that I begged him to consider tattooing years ago, especially when we were in Canada, because I genuinely thought he could be good at it and there was a market for it.
He refused.
So now, after I’ve spent years waiting, supporting him, worrying about our future and eventually emotionally checking out, he’s suddenly promising to do all the things I wanted him to do.
And I don’t believe him anymore.
That’s the part I’m struggling with.
I don’t trust him as a partner anymore. I don’t want to postpone my life waiting for him to become the person he says he will become.
I don’t want to spend another few years hoping that this time he’ll change.
At the same time, I feel guilty. I feel like I’m abandoning him. I feel like maybe I wasn’t a good girlfriend or didn’t give the relationship enough of a chance.
He keeps telling me he can’t live without me and that he’ll do anything to get me back.
And then I start questioning myself:
Am I giving up on something incredibly important?
Was he actually the love of my life and I’m throwing it away?
Will I ever find someone who understands me and loves me the way he did?
Am I running away because relationships are hard, or am I finally accepting that our lives and values are fundamentally incompatible?
I’m exhausted. We had another conversation about all of this yesterday and I felt completely drained afterward.
Part of me still loves him and remembers everything that was special about us.
But another part of me feels an enormous sense of relief that I can finally live my own life without waiting for him.
I don’t want to hate him. I don’t even necessarily think he’s a bad person. I just don’t think I can build the life I want with him.
I’d really appreciate some outside perspective, especially from people who’ve been in situations where they loved someone but eventually realized they couldn’t build a future with them.
Am I making the right decision, or am I giving up too soon?

She dumped me almost a week ago, to give some context I knew this girl since 6th grade and I’m currently going into my junior year of college. Anyways, we were together for over 25 months (a little over 2 years). To give some more context during middle school and high school we liked eachother off and on a lot, during the covid phase we would play a lot of games together and talk about the future together but we never got together until the end of high school. Anyways and one day we go up to my apartment at school to check on it, we get into an argument then she says she went into her breaking point and dumped me. This arguing was going on and off all year of 2026 I’ll admit it however I would try to resolve the arguing and express my emotions to her and since the beginning of my summer (May 1st).

I just felt something off about her, she didn’t seem as eager or happy to see me, she would see me once a week if that, I would try and make plans with her but she would say “idk” then I would ask the day prior to me wanting to see her and then she would say she has plans. It really hurt but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because this was really the only time she saw these friends was in the summer. But it sucked because I told her my schedule for the summer for work and she still yet didn’t seem to want to hangout. Anyways to get to the point I asked her during the summer if everything was okay and that I don’t see a lack of effort from her, she would say sorry and then repeat. Finally a couple weeks ago I would send her a paragraph every week saying that I don’t see a difference and I just feel that I’m being treated like a friend and she would just say sorry and not change. About 2 weeks ago I told her that all summer you haven’t changed, you keep saying you’re sorry but don’t make a change, I don’t know if this is the reason or the arguments or something else but I told her if nothing changes in next couple weeks I’m done.

The last week of our relationship seemed totally fine, I called her and we chatted for about an hour talking about school coming up and making some plans. Then her birthday rolls around and she seemed really happy to see me, nothing seemed off at all. 2 days later we go up to my apartment and I get dumped. Ever since then I’ve been in so many different emotions, I am sad, upset, anxious, denial, shock, depressed, heartbroken, happy at times, and questioning. It hasn’t been a week yet and I have so many feelings and questions for her. I hate to admit it, I love her still. She meant the whole world to me, her family was so nice, I would play a lot of video games with her, the memories, and a person I could tell anything to.

It has been so hard not to text her and tell her all of my emotions. I have so many questions for her. The same day she dumped me i texted her on iMessages so much and call her, she answered the phone after a couple calls and i just immediately started sobbing to her telling her there are second chances for a reason. I just kept saying that, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m an optimistic person or because my parents when they first started dating broke up for a couple months and they’ve been together for almost 25 years now or maybe I’m desperate at this point. I have been the last two days wanting to text her a long paragraph but I’ve been stopping myself, I have it saved still so I might send it here in the comments later just to show how hurt and desperate I am.

Anyways, we exchanged stuff the same day she broke up and it was hard giving up all of these things that meant a lot to me. For example, she made this photo with a bunch of different thing other photos of stuff I like including her and I together in it or a stuff animal she gave me 18ish months ago for me to “get better soon” after my wisdom teeth removal. I couldn’t sleep in my room the next 4 days because of stuff like that, I lost something that meant alot to me. The last couple days I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied with anything, but at times it feels gut wrenching to think of her or at night, I get into my own head and start thinking a lot. I haven’t been able to play video games since the breakup because it reminds me of her too much.

I was looking through my desk the other day to make sure everything was gone and I found 3 polaroids of us together at the beginning of the relationship and even before. I balled my eyes out seeing those photos, I also found a graduation card from her yesterday and it was hard because at the end of it said “No matter what happens between the two of us I’m always here for you. ❤️ [NAME]” That just hurts me more because we were friends when she gave me that card. I’m the type of person to not want to see my ex if they dump me or I dump them but maybe it’s because she’s my first long term relationship or my first true love or first serious one but I want her back. I really do, I don’t know if it’s out of desperation or that I don’t want to lose a best friend of 8+ years. All the promises and future plans we had together, I had 2 weddings from her family I was invited to, my 21st is in less than 2 months and I just feel/assume it’s gonna be depressing and sad. Also Thanksgiving and Christmas without her family is gonna be so hard, I still can remember us talking about the future for those plans.

Now I know this was only a 2 year relationship but we talked about having kids and having this amazing house and getting married, it’s rough having a future with someone that leaves you that you’ve know for 8+ years. It’s been depressing not seeing a message from her or anyone, it feels lonely. Also during this relationship I haven’t taken my physical weight as seriously and gained a bit of weight and ever since she dumped me I’ve been very self conscious about myself, I am fat I’ll admit it now I plan on hitting the gym once school starts. Anyways I’m sorry for this long rant/sob story this is majority of the stuff I wanted to say. If I forgot something I’ll edit it this rant or whatever you want to call it but if you can’t I’ll just put it in the comments.

This is my first Reddit post so I apologize if this isn’t a good format or this is the wrong group to send this to or if I broke the rules but to whoever reads this or comments or both i appreciate you guys.

I got into a new relationship 1 month after leaving my boyfriend of 3 years. Now my ex wants me back and I realized I might still love him. Help

So we’d been together for 3 months, everything was well but because we do long distance i wanted some space and he agreed. We also agreed we won’t see people during that time. He was super nice all the time; compliments, saying how attractive i am all the time ect. Just in a day he kinda changed his all personality telling me over text that he found someone better than me and now that girl watching our texts as we texting, trying to humiliate me. Insulting me on the phone, saying she’s better than me and what they have is not even a relationship but partnership and i’m not smart enough to get something like that?? It was really shocking hearing those kind of things cause as i said he was so kind and loving all the time. I felt really bad and wanted to talk to him again but i couldn’t text after hearing those insults. I manifested a text from him but they were still posting themselves on socials oftenly showing people how much they love each other.

After 9 days he texts me “i have a question?”. As i said i wanted to talk to him so much but that text wasn’t the exactly i wanted. And he texted the next morning “Are you alive?”. Still, not saying sorry or anything so i decided to not answer again.

My question is, cause i manifested “a text “ from him and it happened, was that all? I want a message from him that he says he’s regretted but i feel like i used my manifestation on only that text and won’t be getting another text… It’s been 3 days since the last text.

M21 and f23

So she was my first time, not just sex, but my first hug, kiss, back scratch, shushing me to sleep and stroking my hair, telling me I was precious repeatedly, I had never received that before and I developed such a deep longing for it when I finally did.

We had discussed a lot of sub/Dom stuff beforehand, Its how we met and it was fun, however what started out as pretty normal snm stuff quickly became a lot darker, from slapping and the occasional hard bite to cutting my skin with knives, cauterising the wounds, beating me until i couldn't move and threw up, choking my windpipe close to unconsciousness and sometimes crossing over, including one time where she inserted something while I was out.

There was also the case of the pre existing scars and burns on my body from childhood, she developed a thing for kind of "re doing" them, shed cut over the old cuts and put cigarettes out on the old burns, she wanted to kind of cast my mind back to when I got them to make me re live the trauma, I guess she found that fun, I do get it.

Now I did consent to everything here because I knew that at the end of it all, I had hugs and kisses and especially kind words to look forward to, it was like a price of admission, that's how she worded it.

She was pretty clear that I wasn't really deserving otherwise and I have to agree, I'm still grateful she did as much as she did for me on that front however if I ever tried to push back on sex stuff that I disliked she would threaten to pull her affection, and one time she did for a few days to prove a point, she won our arguments but I can't help but wonder if this is a kind of abuse cause I could never back out without consequence, that said I was always free to break up and I was always physically strong enough to resist everything if I wanted to, I consented and let her so idk if it's abuse, that's why I wanna get some input.

About a year and 2 months ago she just stopped talking to me, she messaged yesterday and wants me to visit next month and I just want input on if this kind of relationship can be healthy or not, like I get it's not vanilla but in the time between I've had a few relationships and felt completely unfulfilled without being seen in the way that she saw me after everything she did. So I guess in a way I liked it and want it again? Idk.

Just really looking for input since idk what to do and I'm not sure if I can experience love from anyone but her at this point just because of how deeply she's come to know me, it doesn't hit the same otherwise.

TL;DR I don't think she was abusive but enough people do that I wanna get some more opinions before I go and see her, she used to harm me physically in exchange for being treated affectionately

After that fling, I thought for a long time about telling my friend, but I didn't have the courage until he found out on his own. We talked, and I apologized profusely, but his ex-girlfriend took advantage of the situation by telling everyone we knew; she played the victim and portrayed herself as an ex breaking free from her past life. I had already largely ruined the friendship with my best friend, but she made things worse, and that’s what prevented us from reconciling. So, I’m asking the community to help me fix things but nothing will get resolved until I turn the tables on her. PLEASE HELP ME.

Seven months ago, my ex broke up with me, throwing out random excuses and making me feel like it was all my fault. Exactly two days later, I noticed he was following his ex on Instagram again. Turns out, he completely hid the fact that he was planning to get back with her. A month later, he posted a photo with her…something he never did with me during our entire relationship.

When I reached out once to ask for closure and express how hurt I was, he exploded. He denied everything, yelled at me, and cold-heartedly said, "I just never felt like posting photos with you." As I was crying and asking for a decent conversation, he hung up on me, smugly claiming I’d "always be stuck on him" and would probably "harass him on his wedding day." (He assumed he would marry this recycled ex of his)

I had already blocked him everywhere months ago except WhatsApp, since I noticed he’s been lurking, stalking my LinkedIn and watching/liking my WhatsApp statuses. Fast forward to today, after 7 months of total silence, he just sent me a low-effort text. Two “Hi”s in succession.

I’m not replying. Just needed to post this as a reminder of how toxic he was, and how ridiculous it is that he thinks he still has access to me.

Long story short my ex moved out about a year ago. Location: Delaware. He still has mass amounts of tools, furniture, car parts in my garage. I’ve asked him numerous times when he is going to get his stuff & it’s always an excuse. First he didn’t have the space at his new place, told me he was going to pay rent for the space and didn’t. He now has the space for it supposedly. I was forgiving but I told him I just want him to get his stuff. Then it was a back injury and now it’s just been radio silence. I told him if he can’t move it himself then get a moving company. My thing is now it is a year and a half since we broke up & he was removed from the lease and a year since he moved out. I am dating someone new and my new boyfriend is living here now and I’m tired of seeing my exes things. I want to have people over but I don’t want friends asking or people judging that I still have my exes things here. Not to mention it’s awkward with current boyfriend constantly seeing my exes things in the garage… what can I do???

i slept with my ex/baby daddy last night and we took and nap said i love you and everything then i went home.. it’s the next day and i woke up to a good morning text and i miss you texts and responded with i miss you too and everything. we didn’t agree to get back together. i am the reason we haven’t gotten back together bc i always tell him no and i say im not ready to get back together but i just slept with him.. now idk what to do. i want him back but i don’t trust him and idk how to go about it.. or if i should have a conversation with him about the fact that we slept together and basically acted like a couple again yesterday. do i text him? what do i do? what do i say? what do you text your ex after months of saying we are done and im not ready to get back with him then randomly having sex with him one day?

I (20F) dated my ex (19M) last year, and initially everything was going well. I trusted him very quickly because I genuinely wanted the relationship to be long-term. Since we had the same social circle, I also opened up to him about my past.

Later, he suddenly became distant and eventually broke up with me, giving me one reason while I later discovered there was an entirely different reason behind it. What hurt even more was finding out that he had told our mutual friends personal things about my past and was spreading rumors that I was a “sl**" and that I would hook up with any guy.

Looking back, a lot of his behavior during the relationship suddenly made sense. He had apparently misrepresented me so badly that he could portray himself as both the victim and the “saint” for supposedly putting up with me. The breakup completely destroyed my self-esteem. I kept questioning my worth and wondering why I had tolerated so much disrespect. I stayed because I thought it was his first serious relationship and that I needed to be patient, and I constantly swallowed my feelings and tried to fix every fight.

I'm doing much better now, but I'm still extremely angry about what he did.

After the breakup, he also tried multiple ways to get me to come back and fix things because he knew I understood his insecurities and emotional issues. I eventually stopped entertaining it.

Recently, I found out he's trying to get involved with a girl I considered a friend. She knew everything that happened between us, yet she's still pursuing him because she's desperate for attention and he's giving it to her. To me, that feels like another betrayal.

I've thought about revenge before, and now I'm tempted to use some kind of “love obsession spell” or manipulation to make my ex constantly chase after me while he's with her, partly so he realizes he can't have me and partly so she feels embarrassed about pursuing someone who's still obsessed with his ex.

I know this sounds petty, but after everything he did, I genuinely feel consumed by rage sometimes.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you deal with the anger and the urge to get revenge?

My ex and I were together for all of this year. Things ended a few weeks ago. I need outside perspective on whether this counts as cheating. For some context i had broken up with her last october bc she lied to me a couple times and i had a rlly bad feeling but she convinced me to get back together with her.

- (guy 1) She reached out to reconnect in December. Months later, I found mirror pics of her and a guy friend, kissing, in early December. She says they were to make his ex jealous.
- (guy 1) She stayed friends with him during our relationship. At one point she said she was done with him, but he later showed up at her house uninvited and made her uncomfortable.
- She was snapping several guys. I said it made me uncomfortable; she offered to stop, without me asking. A few months later, I noticed she was doing it again. This talk happened 2-3 times.
- (guy 2)She started volunteering at an elementary and in her group was a younger guy. I saw flirty texts and her asking him for a ride. She admitted she asked two guys for rides separately. She’s talked abt this other guy from volunteering before but she never mentioned that they talked regularly and she left out the fact that she asked him for a ride despite talking about how he has a car and a license. She said she would’ve asked me but I was at work so she did what was convenient
- (guy 1)One Friday, I saw she'd liked his half-naked Instagram post. She admitted they talked on the phone. A week later she told me he'd actually come over that day. She said she didn't tell me because she didn't know how I'd react. This was also after she said she was done talking to him because of our relationship and other issues unrelated to our relationship
- (guy 1)She shared a vulnerable thing I told her (fear of her leaving) with that same guy. she said i was “whining about how i would kill myself if she ever left me”
- When I raised concerns, she said I was insecure/controlling. She also said I 'micro cheated' because a female friend kissed my forehead once (I didn't initiate it, I told her about it, and I cut that friend off when she asked because i value the safety of my relationship over some other girl im just friends with)
-When she lied to me about something i would bring it up and she would feel ashamed for lying so she would walk away or go completely silent. But when i confronted her abt the snapchat and talking to other guys and hiding it from me she got rlly cruel and somewhat abusive.

Her argument: she never kissed or slept with anyone while we were together, so it wasn’t cheating

Was this cheating yes or no?

Has anyone who has ended on bad terms with there ex seen them years later. If so how did it go and did they change or did they still have bad terms towards you.