I can’t stop thinking of her.
She dumped me almost a week ago, to give some context I knew this girl since 6th grade and I’m currently going into my junior year of college. Anyways, we were together for over 25 months (a little over 2 years). To give some more context during middle school and high school we liked eachother off and on a lot, during the covid phase we would play a lot of games together and talk about the future together but we never got together until the end of high school. Anyways and one day we go up to my apartment at school to check on it, we get into an argument then she says she went into her breaking point and dumped me. This arguing was going on and off all year of 2026 I’ll admit it however I would try to resolve the arguing and express my emotions to her and since the beginning of my summer (May 1st).
I just felt something off about her, she didn’t seem as eager or happy to see me, she would see me once a week if that, I would try and make plans with her but she would say “idk” then I would ask the day prior to me wanting to see her and then she would say she has plans. It really hurt but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because this was really the only time she saw these friends was in the summer. But it sucked because I told her my schedule for the summer for work and she still yet didn’t seem to want to hangout. Anyways to get to the point I asked her during the summer if everything was okay and that I don’t see a lack of effort from her, she would say sorry and then repeat. Finally a couple weeks ago I would send her a paragraph every week saying that I don’t see a difference and I just feel that I’m being treated like a friend and she would just say sorry and not change. About 2 weeks ago I told her that all summer you haven’t changed, you keep saying you’re sorry but don’t make a change, I don’t know if this is the reason or the arguments or something else but I told her if nothing changes in next couple weeks I’m done.
The last week of our relationship seemed totally fine, I called her and we chatted for about an hour talking about school coming up and making some plans. Then her birthday rolls around and she seemed really happy to see me, nothing seemed off at all. 2 days later we go up to my apartment and I get dumped. Ever since then I’ve been in so many different emotions, I am sad, upset, anxious, denial, shock, depressed, heartbroken, happy at times, and questioning. It hasn’t been a week yet and I have so many feelings and questions for her. I hate to admit it, I love her still. She meant the whole world to me, her family was so nice, I would play a lot of video games with her, the memories, and a person I could tell anything to.
It has been so hard not to text her and tell her all of my emotions. I have so many questions for her. The same day she dumped me i texted her on iMessages so much and call her, she answered the phone after a couple calls and i just immediately started sobbing to her telling her there are second chances for a reason. I just kept saying that, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m an optimistic person or because my parents when they first started dating broke up for a couple months and they’ve been together for almost 25 years now or maybe I’m desperate at this point. I have been the last two days wanting to text her a long paragraph but I’ve been stopping myself, I have it saved still so I might send it here in the comments later just to show how hurt and desperate I am.
Anyways, we exchanged stuff the same day she broke up and it was hard giving up all of these things that meant a lot to me. For example, she made this photo with a bunch of different thing other photos of stuff I like including her and I together in it or a stuff animal she gave me 18ish months ago for me to “get better soon” after my wisdom teeth removal. I couldn’t sleep in my room the next 4 days because of stuff like that, I lost something that meant alot to me. The last couple days I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied with anything, but at times it feels gut wrenching to think of her or at night, I get into my own head and start thinking a lot. I haven’t been able to play video games since the breakup because it reminds me of her too much.
I was looking through my desk the other day to make sure everything was gone and I found 3 polaroids of us together at the beginning of the relationship and even before. I balled my eyes out seeing those photos, I also found a graduation card from her yesterday and it was hard because at the end of it said “No matter what happens between the two of us I’m always here for you. ❤️ [NAME]” That just hurts me more because we were friends when she gave me that card. I’m the type of person to not want to see my ex if they dump me or I dump them but maybe it’s because she’s my first long term relationship or my first true love or first serious one but I want her back. I really do, I don’t know if it’s out of desperation or that I don’t want to lose a best friend of 8+ years. All the promises and future plans we had together, I had 2 weddings from her family I was invited to, my 21st is in less than 2 months and I just feel/assume it’s gonna be depressing and sad. Also Thanksgiving and Christmas without her family is gonna be so hard, I still can remember us talking about the future for those plans.
Now I know this was only a 2 year relationship but we talked about having kids and having this amazing house and getting married, it’s rough having a future with someone that leaves you that you’ve know for 8+ years. It’s been depressing not seeing a message from her or anyone, it feels lonely. Also during this relationship I haven’t taken my physical weight as seriously and gained a bit of weight and ever since she dumped me I’ve been very self conscious about myself, I am fat I’ll admit it now I plan on hitting the gym once school starts. Anyways I’m sorry for this long rant/sob story this is majority of the stuff I wanted to say. If I forgot something I’ll edit it this rant or whatever you want to call it but if you can’t I’ll just put it in the comments.
This is my first Reddit post so I apologize if this isn’t a good format or this is the wrong group to send this to or if I broke the rules but to whoever reads this or comments or both i appreciate you guys.