r/BreakUps

Since it is a lonely and awful night from where I live, I was thinking that this question may have a million answers.

Share yours.

If the relationship ended on good terms and there is a no contact period, how likely is it that the one who left will come back/be open to reconnecting?

i’m only 24 hours into this breakup and my heart is killing me. we just resigned the lease and he wasn’t willing to try. i can’t afford the apartment on my own. i feel horrible and this feeling of dread is driving me crazy. it truly doesn’t feel like i’ll ever be able to move on.

If they came running back to you, would you take them back? Or would you block them and never look back? At what circumstances would you not take them back?

PS : not really a vent or rant, just a question to everyone here.

Like all you can think about is them! It’s just them, all it ever will be is them. I’m am honestly feeling like a fuckiny vesdel. With no control anymore. Is there anything I can do?… 🥹

so basically we went to watch obsession and immediately after coming out of the theater i said i felt really bad for nikki. i was basically saying that bear ruined her life and rambling on about how he’s the villain and my (now ex) fiance said he actually thought bear was in the right to an extent but a morally grey character and i was like “absolutely tf not, he literally r-ped her” and he was saying she was consenting and we argued about it. we saw the movie the night it came out (may 15) and we’d been arguing about it on and off ever since.

the big break: basically we were at a fourth of july party and i got drunk, while drunk i made a (sexual) advance and we ended up having sex and in the middle of it he was like “you’re not gonna say im a r-pist because you’re drunk right?” and i was obvi super confused and he started talking about what id said about the movie and comparing it to me being drunk (mind you he’s still inside me) and i got super pissed because wtf? picking now of all times?? mentioning r-pe to a survivor while intimate???

so we argued more and then i told him i wanted to go home and the next morning we talked about it and he just kept pushing it and pissing me off and i can’t even remember what we were saying because i was hungover and then i just blew up at him and told him to gtfo and then remembered that it was his apartment so i started crying and packing my stuff and when i got back to my place i told my cousin (who we saw the movie with) she said she thinks im right and also mentioned that what he said about r-pe/sa while we were intimate and in the context of the movie was a red flag. we talked about it more and i just texted him that i didnt want to work it out because i just don’t think i can compromise even though if its ‘just a movie’ to him and he blocked me so yeah its over

edit: i feel like it’s relevant to mention that bro is a film major

I’m (24F) going through my first breakup. I found out that the guy (28M) I’ve been dating for the past year is married. When I was confessing my feelings for him, he told me. I’m obviously devastated. I’m in love with him, but I never told him because it seemed pointless after he told me that. It’s been two months since the breakup; some days are better than others, but for the most part, it feels like I'm dying. I know things will get better; it’s just been really difficult. He was my best friend and first love. I’ve been doing everything I can to try to distract myself. If anyone has any advice to get me through this, that would be nice.

so like after the breakup when you finally think that no matter what, I wont go back to him and if he comes i wont accept him cuz i love myself more than i love him

but when he actually comes back? what will be your reaction and will you accept him?

my boyfriend of a year broke up with me (he's tried to for a while like a month but i begged him to stay and work on it and he agreed a couple times before saying that it dinally didn't feel right and he had to do it. he said that hes been feeling like this for a couple of months in the past. he said that he felt like he didn't have freedom to do things he wanted and that i needed to find myself and that he couldn't be the only thing i relied on for happiness. i have plans on working onmyself and loving myself. i am also not banking on the fact that we might get back together but we do go to the same college together and we will eventually see each other. i asked if he thought that we could get back together and he said i don't know probably not. but he isn't closing the door. he said he didn't think i was the right person for him. we had a lot of communication problems. but he said he loved me and still does to the very end. i think he is just very immatture and aviodant as this his first relationship ever. he said he also wants to work on himself but could barely muster up the courage to say that he needs to communicate his feelings better. do you guys have advice, and if you've been in this situation, has working on ourselves to come back to eachother sound like a possibility here or is it just cooked? i am very depressed and just want to get back together. i am aware of my issues. i just would like to know if this sounds recoverable, like he was just really emotional and just did it to breathe but he will miss me and come back. we are no contact for a DAY AND ITS KILLING ME. i can also assure that he's not doing this to be with another girl. its truly he couldn't take the relationship anymore. thats why im wondering if you guys think this is a time heal or as a man he is just done with me

It’s been 66 days since and I still feel like I’m dying, I’m trying to have better days, to distract myself, to go outside and have. I’ve tried new hobbies, tried to get in touch with other people…but nothings works I feel like I am trapped. My heart is so heavy and I just don’t know what to do anymore…

i just really need honest opinions because i feel like i'm losing my mind.

my ex and i were together for almost 3 years. yes, i was the one who initiated the breakup because i felt overwhelmed and i thought it was what we both needed at the time. but before we completely let go, he kept telling me things like "hintayin mo 'ko" and that he wanted to "focus on himself, his siblings, and his family."

because of those words, i held on.

i didn't entertain anyone else. i didn't look for a replacement because i genuinely believed there was still a chance for us in the future.

then i found out he already has someone he's talking to.

i confronted him, not because he moved on, but because i felt like the reasons he gave me before weren't honest. if you already know you're going to move on or open yourself to someone else, why tell me to wait? why tell me you're focusing on yourself and your family?

every time i brought that up, his response was always, "ikaw naman ang nakipaghiwalay," "hindi kita ginugulo," "may nakakausap na ako, wala naman akong comment sa buhay mo."

i understand that i was the one who ended the relationship. i'm not denying that. but does that automatically mean i'm not allowed to feel hurt by what happened after?

he also kept saying i was making him the bad guy, when all i wanted him to understand was why i felt hurt. instead, i felt like every concern i raised got turned back on me.

what hurts the most isn't even that he has someone else. it's how fast it happened after telling me to wait. it made me question if those promises were ever real or if they were just words to make the breakup easier.

i'm also questioning my own worth now. how can someone spend almost 3 years with you, then seem okay moving on so quickly? was i really that easy to replace?

am i being unreasonable here? if you were in my position, would you also feel betrayed, or is this just something i have to accept because technically we were already broken up?

Hi all, I met my ex recently. We have been broken up for 3 months, and he told me that he went on a date with someone else a week before we met, though, he decided not to continue with her due to incompatibilities. It was a casual date/dinner between them. For us, we did not meet to reconcile (we both agreed to not have expectations to but I think we still do, a little), just a meal between two persons who used to know and care for one another, though, I did feel that we still had unresolved sparks and love for each other.

I know he has every right to meet someone else, but part of me still feels deeply hurt by it. My thoughts are all over the place. What do you think - should we have any chance for another go, how can I forgive and forget this?

How long did it take you? We were together for almost 10 years and went no contact about 2 weeks ago, which I realize is not much time at all. However, I’m really struggling right now. Some days seem to be better than others but then I have a thought or memory that takes me back and it’s so painful. For very longterm relationship breakups, how long did it take you to recover and move on?

I'm sure some of you have been in situations like this. I (41M) started dating a childhood friend (40F) that I've stayed in contact with on and off throughout the years with a circle of friends from that time. We started dating 6 months ago. She's stunningly gorgeous and was so much fun to be around during the good moments.

But it didn't take more than a month for all of the red flags to come around. She's an vicious alcoholic, she projects a lot of her problems onto her environment, and she used a lot of strange language to describe her personality/issues ("I'm an empath, I can feel everyone's energy, no one appreciates my light, this area is bad for me.") My best guess is that she fits the fearful avoidant psych profile, and despite what I've been through in the past, this is arguably even worse than what I dealt with in previous breakups (though that could be because I'm still in it,so I just feel like its worse). In the beginning she was hitting me with some heavy stuff emotionally, talking about falling in love, building a life together, in essence sending tons of love bombs that would come and go over the next 6 months. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt because we've known each other our whole lives. She also shared her location with me and gave me access to the app she used to track her cycle.

Referring to that, the sex was explosive and she was heavily into BDSM, which I didn't particularly have an affinity for, but I had no problem taking the dom part because I saw it made her happy and increasingly turned on. There were plenty of things that occured that clearly indicated she had some deep-seated trauma. She would say things during sex that made me realize she was dissociating. It was bizarre but I think I was excited because I thought this was her attempting to have a real connection with me (doh!).

I would say 90% of the time we were hanging out, she'd be drinking. Her drink of choice was either beer or tequila. And I mean a lot of it. She would drink a bottle of 375ml of tequila in the span of 4-5 hours. I don't drink, but I figured that she would be safer being around me rather than in public. Well in public she drank a lot as well. Usually a lunch or dinner date would consist of a 24 ounce beer and two shots of tequila. It was...expensive as hell.

Additionally, she claimed to have PMDD and would use her cycle as a means to shut me out any time the luteal phase came around. I would only hear from her maybe twice in the span of 7-10 days. It made me feel unloved and like I had done something wrong. She would usually give a half hearted apology near the end of it. But things never added up because she would still go out drinking with friends during that time.

The biggest red flag was a close friendship with an ex she had for years. I won't go overboard with details, but she ended up staying over at his house and stayed the night, denying any involvement and blah blah blah we know how the story goes. I knew it was time to get out. We had a conversation over text where I layed down my boundaries, discussed where we could go from here, and we both agreed to have an in person dialogue within a day or two. My plan was to break up with her. I texted her the next day and only got silence. I waited a little over a week and ended up sending a breakup text (what choice did I have?) saying the relationship was not working and that we wanted different things. I told her to come get her stuff on my porch and wished her the best. She immediately got back to me saying she understood, she would get her stuff soon, and that she loved me.

It's devastating. I knew she likely wanted the breakup too. But I'm just struggling to start the process of moving on because I got stuck on fixing this girl, showing her real genuine love and care. I chose poorly. I know in my head I made the right decision but in my heart, it doesn't quite feel the same. That said, I've gone full no contact and blocked her on everything.

It’s almost been three months and he’s been acting stone cold and he completely ignores me. I still hold onto the relationship, I still wait for him, I still exist in our promises unable to let go of them. Because how could I possibly let go of a promise I made about forever? Even though he did the same. I need to really live as though this is our new forever. But a part of me was even hesitant to write that because how could I possibly accept that. I just need to get out of this because part of me doesn’t even want to move on. I cannot unfollow him or get rid of our memories, I am holding on because I‘d regret throwing it away. But he did the same, I should be as quick with moving on as he is. But I‘m holding on. I need someone to talk sense into me, tough love, just anything that finally makes me realize that my man isn’t there anymore. That my ex isn’t the man who was my boyfriend. That my ex isn’t the man holding on to these promises. That this is all in the past and means nothing for our future anymore.
I cannot possibly do it because I made these promises with all my heart.

Oh and I do read lots of the „he/she came back“ stories and hold onto hope. At times I do the opposite and tell myself it’s over but I‘m switching between hope and acceptance.

It’s been a month since we broke up and I am in pieces. Everyday I’m breaking down and it feels like it’s getting worse and worse and I miss him more and more everyday. It doesn’t feel like those posts about feeling better after breaking up and I hate to admit that but it doesn’t. It feels like now I gave him a free pass to do whatever he wants and even do it physically with another person. I’m so alone and I’m so heart broken. It felt good at first but it doesn’t anymore

I (27M) got out of a 4-year relationship 6 months ago, and honestly, it still feels like it happened yesterday.

She was my first real relationship. Before her I’d only had situationships and hookups. We met at work, started talking, and after a couple of months together I told her I loved her because I genuinely meant it.

Early in the relationship, I made the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I stayed in contact with a girl I’d hooked up with before we started dating. I told my girlfriend she was “just a friend,” but we had flirted a few times. About six months into the relationship, I admitted everything because the guilt was eating me alive. She was devastated, but she decided to stay and try to work through it.

Things were never quite the same after that. Trust became harder, and although we had plenty of good memories together, we also had more arguments as time went on.

As the years passed, other issues started showing up. I wasn’t financially stable, I didn’t have a real career yet, I struggled to save money, and I constantly promised I’d improve only to change for a week or two before falling back into old habits. Looking back, I also wasn’t setting healthy boundaries with my parents, and she felt like they had too much influence over my life.

She wasn’t asking me to buy expensive gifts. She wanted consistency, creativity, little love notes, planned dates, and for me to follow through on what I said I’d do. She carried a lot of the emotional and mental load in the relationship, and eventually she got tired of reminding me.

A couple of days before Christmas she ended things over text. She told me she loved me but that love wasn’t enough anymore and that the relationship was causing her too much anxiety.

That part broke me.

We didn’t actually see each other until almost two weeks later, and that made it even harder to process.

A few weeks after that we ended up seeing each other because we were both in one of our best friends’ weddings. Being surrounded by everyone celebrating love while knowing ours was over was one of the hardest days of my life. At the end of the night I drove her home, we cried together, and she said something I’ll probably never forget: “What else do you want from me? I gave everything I could.” That was the last time I ever saw her.

Since then we’ve barely spoken. I wished her a happy birthday a month later, she responded kindly, and I ended the text saying “I’ll text you through your number going forward (I was texting her email cuz her phone got stolen).” We haven’t spoken since.

A mutual friend later told me he asked her if she ever thought we’d get back together, and she said she didn’t see it happening. Hearing that crushed me.

Over the last six months I’ve tried to rebuild my life. I started therapy for a while, became a CDL driver, picked up a second job managing a valet company, got my finances under control, and I’ve genuinely grown as a person. I can finally see the ways I failed her and the ways I needed to mature.

The thing is… even after all that growth, I still think about her almost every day. Wanting to speak to her and text her but I don’t.

People tell me, “It’s been six months. Just move on.”

I know they’re trying to help, but it honestly makes me feel even more alone. I don’t miss the relationship because I’m afraid of being single…I honestly miss her. I miss the person I thought I’d spend my life with. I still catch myself wondering if she’s already with someone else, and that thought hurts more than I’d like to admit.

I’m doing better than I was. The first few months I cried almost every day. Now it’s maybe once a week. So there has been progress.

I know I can’t change the past, and if I could, I would. I truly believe I’ve become a better man because of everything that happened, but part of me still wishes she’d get to meet this version of me.

I guess I’m posting this because I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

Did you ever truly get over someone you thought was your forever? Did they ever come back? Did it eventually stop hurting? And if it did… what finally helped?

So last Friday, I got dumped. This came very suddenly, everything seemed fine. We called two days before and she was giving me compliments and planning ahead for Halloween. She continued to send me affectionate reels the following day (two days before the breakup). We saw each other just a couple days before that, everything seemed good. The craziest thing is on June 19th, she was concerned I was breaking up with her after I sent her a long message.

Basically what I’m getting at is everything seemed to be good and then suddenly it wasn’t. Does anyone have any perspective on this? Why would she tell me on Friday that she’s been feeling this way for months, but days leading up to the breakup, not show that. I’m completely blindsided.

EDIT: Ignore the title. I started writing asking for advice on something else, but a more pressing question came to mind.