4 months out of a 12 year relationship and hes already seeing someone
Hi. I initiated the separation from my partner of 12 years. We met when we were kids. I was 16 and he was 17. I love him so much, and he is still my best friend in my mind, but our relationship had become very toxic. As we approached our thirties, our communication skills did not grow with us. During conflict, we reverted to acting like the teenagers we were when we met.
I also wasn’t ready to settle down, and he was. I wanted a bigger life and career, and eventually a family, but not yet. It often felt like he didn’t care about what I wanted from life or feel curious about who I was becoming. He said he wanted to marry me, but he never proposed. He stopped putting effort into our relationship, and I felt like I had to beg him to spend time with me. At times, it seemed like he was only with me because it was comfortable and familiar.
We moved from New York to Colorado to be close to his family. I spent most of my time there alone. On my first birthday, I had to beg him to spend the day with me. We bought a house even though I had tried to tell him I wasn’t ready to settle down. There is so much nuance and history that it is difficult to know what to include, but ultimately, I felt like I had lost all agency over my own life. I felt completely still while life continued moving around me, as though I were watching it pass without being able to participate in it. I didn’t trust that the life we were building together would leave room for the person I wanted to become.
I moved back to New York at the beginning of this year, and we stopped talking in March. There was never any real ending. We just stopped calling each other one day. Since then, he has blocked me everywhere. I tried to call him a few days ago and discovered that my number was blocked too. Then I stumbled across his Venmo profile and saw a picture of him with another woman. I am completely gutted.
I have been working on myself so much. I attended a weeklong personal development training and am doing the advanced level next month. I’m crushing it at work, earning more than I ever thought I could (I never thought I could make money), and building an insane network. But I wanted to become this version of myself for us and for the future I thought we might still have.
More than anything, I miss my best friend. We weren’t perfect, but we grew up together, and there is nobody else like him. Right now, I only want him. We used to jokingly refer to our future children by a name that combined both of ours. It was so stupid, but it always made us laugh. Now I cannot stop thinking about the fact that those children will never exist.
Out of desperation, I messaged him on LinkedIn because it was the only place where I wasn’t blocked. I simply asked him to please call me. I want the chance to talk and have some sense of closure. We don’t have to get back together. Ultimately, I want him to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.
He still hasn’t called. What does that mean? I am so heartbroken.
Sorry this is long. If you're still here - thank you.
