u/NefariousnessPure615

On 27 April, my psychiatrist took me off work for a couple of months. My work has benefits and through those benefits, I could go on short-term disability instead of EI. I applied and wasn't approved until May 27 ish and was given a lump some of $932.40 for the month of May. Moving forward, I was given weekly payments from the STD and have been reporting it.

I obviously reported all of my income for the month of April and got just over $1450 (at the end of May). I wasn't working nearly as much leading up to being taken off of work so I wasn't deducted nearly as much as I usually was. Well my June payment came and I was only being given just over $500 (I looked into it afterwards and saw that anything like EI is deducted dollar for dollar) but they also said I had an overpayment for the month of May that should have been reported. The amount that I should have reported was $932.40, the exact amount that I did report for the month of May. They're now deducting over $70/month until I have that all paid off.

Am I wrong to think that they have this completely wrong??? I reported the money ON TIME and they're saying that I was overpaid in May and was given extra money (I literally have NO idea how, when what I got at the end of May makes sense for what I reported in April). I'm not understanding this at all and am extremely frustrated.

Can someone clarify for me or explain to me if I'm in the wrong??

Yesterday I started taking Linessa birth control. While I'm still feeling my usual downs and negativity, this one little spot in my life has all of the excitement and hope I can muster up, all stuffed into it.

I don't expect this to be some cure for me and that everything will just completely disappear (although I will NOT complain if that happens). I am, however, hoping that it helps with most symptoms and I can start to live more "normally" than I have been for years.

It's been beyond exhausting having this go on month after month. And I'm tired of not only treating my boyfriend like crap every month, but tired of treating ME like crap, too. I want the good moments I feel to last for more than just a week or two every month, or for an hour or two after my therapy appointment. I want to live.

So I'm excited and optimistic and hopeful for this

I am exhausted. I can't keep doing this - month after month - with things only getting worse.

* Possible trigger warning *

I (30f) had a feeling a couple of years ago that I had PMDD but was too scared to bring it up to my family doctor or OB (who is one of the most understanding doctors I've ever had) because I've read stories of this being dismissed or not actually recognized/taken seriously as a condition. So I've been sitting in silence for years, suffering month after month. Things have gotten exponentially worse over the last year. I just had an appointment on 3 June with my OB who immediately believed me and prescribed birth control meds to stop ovulation and period. However, it's out of my budget right now.

I don't know what to do but I know I can't keep doing this. I hate how I feel every month - like some kind of uncontrollable monster is in me. And I hate the way that I take it out on my partner. This man is the most understanding, patient, kind, caring man I have ever known and I feel like a huge asshole that doesn't deserve him.

I'm tired of being so fucking emotional.

I'm tired of having these huge suicidal thoughts/ideations/urges.

I'm tried of thinking about or going through with self harm.

I'm tired of being angry.

I'm tired of the cravings and binge eating.

I'm tired of missing work.

I'm tired of missing out on hanging out with friends.

I'm tired of being tired.

I want this to end; to be and feel like more of a normal, functioning, capable part of society. I want to be a good friend, employee, partner. I just want to be better.