I became a mom 18 months ago, intentionally thinking and accepting that it would be the most challenging thing I could ever do. I was at my best - physically and mentally so I thought I was ready for the upcoming challenges - boy was I wrong.

First of all, I've never romantically felt that becoming a mom is the most joyous occasion at birth. I gave birth naturally which was harder than I though but I did it and it felt really good, has a positive birth story but after that everthing kind of went downhill.

I did not enjoy breastfeeding nor did my baby. He never slept -didnt want it- on the boob. Breastfed about 3-5min since he was 2 mo baby and gained weight. I literally forced my self and my baby to continue breastfeeding until he self weaned himself which was around 12 mo. The whole breastfeeding thing was traumatic for me because everyone said I should keep doing it even though he doesn't want it, is it enough, is it too short on the breast, I should breastfeed every time he cries and so on. It caused a lot of "I am not suited for this, being mom, normal mom feelings" because we did not had that classic boob loving baby and baby on the breast loving mom bond and truthfully it crashed me.

I started having my period on my 40th day of pp - which was not something I was thinking and it was the worst pain Ive ever had period wise. Each month I had excruating pain until maybe 8-9th month and then it started to get less and less. 12 mo pp after weaning - I directly went to a psychiatrist to have a diagnosis and chemical help (aka pills) because I was self-harming the whole time pp starting from day 20. I had suicidal thoughts, I scream-cried and I had heightened touch and sound sensitivity. She told me I could be categorized as PTSD but did not mention the root cause, precribed me an SSRI (fluoxetine 20 mg) but 4 months into it I didnot see any major difference except the sabateur voice in my head was gone. I didnt continue the pill because each visit to doctor was very expensive and I felt she did not help the way I was looking.

Along with all of this, I did not enjoy motherhood as I imagined, I was so expecting to be a loving and calm mom and instead Ive became this rage-y impatient mom. It is obvious that I dont have enough help, I'm trying to do everything at once, I am a perfectionist etc but after ovulation I swear I turn into this woman that I hate - she has no patience, no toleration, overstimulated all the time and she wants to be alone in the dark far away from everyone. A month ago or so Ive realized I might have PMDD because last 18 months was always out of balance but this imbalances therefore the crises always happened around luteal especially 4-5 days before period and right at the end of ovulation. Although I thought it was PPD somethimes, ADHD or my neurodivergency, PTSD after the dr mentioned, Ive never thought it was PMDD - Ive never had it before my baby.

I am scared that I will never enjoy motherhood and I get jealous and feel guilty when moms around me who are able to do it and embrace it. I dont want to remember these days like this but nothing I do works and it started to take a big toll on me. Now I hate myself so much that I have a hard time looking in the mirror. Its hard for me to enjoy my time with my baby even though he is super cute and social - he is very strong-willed and a high-risk taker for his age and that pushes me to the edge all the time. I even hit his hand couple of times when he tried to do risky things 2-3 times after he didnt listen to my warnings - and then we cried together.

I do not know what my next steps should be. My bloodwork seems fine. I use Mag Complex and Omega-3 every day and started calcium during my luteal because I don't have enough dairy during the day. I eat fairly healthy, 1-2 times alcohol during the week, occasionally 1 cigarette after baby is asleep, and coffee every morning. I do functional lifting training 2 times every week for the last 3 months, I taught a class at local university. I dont have the optimum relationship with my husband, particularly because of this PMDD and also because men suck at parenting and all they want to do is "provide" financially, but mentally physically they are somewhere else. He is present and helps but does not carry the workload as I wanted to be. Please help me, help me with your stories, your experiences. Ask me questions; maybe there is something missing in the story. I just want to be normal - maybe not even normal but not this person. This is not me and I even consider removing my uterus - which I think is a huge thing for many women. Because if this is what it takes I might do it.

Sincerely from a 18 mo pp mom who met PMDD after giving birth

My doctor prescribed me tirzepatide for PMDD and PCOS. Just curious has anyone else done it and what was your experience?

"Here, have this depression! Ha ha ha, you dumb b****. You think you deserve better? You don't. I'm gonna make you eat proverbial s*** each time you're in luteal! Why? Hell, nobody really knows, I simply picked you out of all the women in this world, now deal with it! So anyways, you're gonna bleed soon, and guess what? My job isn't done yet. I'm gonna make you ache. Better stock up on that pain medicine, cause God sure as hell won't heal those pathetic cramps. Ha ha ha. See you again next month loser, and then again every month after that! But don't worry, I'll never fail to make you feel inferior. Take it easy, buddy!"

I swear to god I get so triggered by the smallest things. I'm so sarcastic to everyone around me. Hell even when I'm scrolling through social media, I get pissed with the way people act and I judge them like oml its not that serious and I don't act like this at all once I'm done with my periods, if anything I like myself for being patient, understanding and unbothered but it's like I'm an entirely different person a few days before my periods and during it, as if depression and excessive self criticism wasn't enough.

I lash out at my siblings for being kids and I realise it during it and even after, that it wasn't their fault and it's me who's being unnecessarily sensitive but I seriously can't help it and I hate it so damn much.

I feel like I become so insufferable, I'd hate being around a person like me and I feel sad that people have to deal with me. I like to think that I try to control lashing out as much as I can but on those rare moments I don't, I feel insanely guilty after. I feel like I got possessed or something.

It's so frustrating, it's almost like I'm living in those cartoons where a person has a devil and an angel on their shoulder 😭 Also, I avoid texting back people as much as possible, I'd make up the most bs excuses to convince myself that it's okay to not text them, i delay it like crazyy cause i feel like texting back would be insanely emotionally draining, altho I don't think pmdd is to blame for it, but maybe it does get worse around it. Again, I'd hate it if I wasn't texted back to, for days, so it's hypocritical of me to do this to other people and yet I do it cause I'm so very controlled by my emotions.

fuck pmdd ughhhh what's the point of having no cramps and short periods when my life becomes so miserable by pmdd 😭😭 ALSO I ALWAYS GET ONE NASTY PIMPLE WITHOUT FAIL EVERY DAMN MONTH DURING MY PERIODS FUCK YOU HORMONES.

After 20 years, I can work my way through the emotional rollercoaster, I can coach myself through the catastrophic thinking and anxiety, I can hold back from venting and oversharing, I can accept the binge eating and move on, deal with the exhaustion, self loathing, body dysmorphia, compulsions, I can manage all of it. some months are definitely harder than others.

But the heart palpitations…maaan. They are NO JOKE. without fail every month I get to that point in the evening where I can rest and my heart is fluttering and the anxiety soars. I am so, so fucking sick and tired of this side effect. I have been told by countless health care professionals that this is just an uncomfortable yet benign recurring issue that I have to deal with.

not looking forward to laying in bed tonight and gasping for air (not sleep apnea) as I fall asleep because an irregular heartbeat jolts me right back to full consciousness and fear.

My husband and I had a big fight yesterday. He's basically miserable because of my PMDD and my 3 reptiles. So im having to rehome them and its so very depressing which makes the PMDD worse. I just feel like im stuck in a rock and a hard place and all the things I enjoy are gone. Idk what to do anymore. The reptiles helped chill me out. So it just sucks.

My symptoms are starting to affect me more during ovulation week. And I’m weirdly feeling “my best” during the luteal phase. Can anyone relate or provide any insight to why this is? I’m 36 and I have been slowly noticing this shift over the past 6 months.

I become a different person in the luteal phase and I hate it

I don’t have body image issues usually. But when that PMDD kicks in? I fucking hate myself. I don’t want to be seen or perceived by anyone. I hate looking in the mirror. I feel huge, like I’ve ballooned to twice my size. My clothes fit all snug and I feel like a hose is attached to my body, constantly pumping me with fluid that won’t burst or release. I’m so BLOATED it HURTS! My legs actually hurt when I press on them from how swollen they are. I’m constantly hungry but never want to eat from the severe discomfort the bloating gives me. I only crave salty stuff which is also bad because it makes the bloating worse!

Then my mood. I’m irritated all of the time over shit that doesn’t even register for me on a regular day. I get so depressed my suicidal thoughts are the absolute worst during the luteal phase. I just can’t stand myself rn and needed to put this somewhere. I eat healthy, I strength train twice a week, take supplements etc.. when that PMDD flares it flares with a fucking vengeance

I’m 39 and I’ve been dealing with PMDD and heavy periods for 20 years. That’s awful to write out out, sheesh. Well late last year I finally sought real help. After a lengthy waitlist I saw a new Gyno, whom I met with today. I was prescribed an intermittent SSRI to try during luteal with the option of trying chemical menopause in the future if that doesn’t work. I was also approved for hysterectomy for heavy bleeding and uterine fibroids. I am so relieved, I was expecting to be gaslit and downplayed because that is my experience with doctors. But this one validated me and put forth several treatment options and let me choose for myself what I think would work best for me at the current time. I feel so seen. I start luteal in a few short days - wish me luck with this SSRI! I will be kicking myself so hard for not seeking help sooner if it works.

I travelled internationally 2 weeks ago which apparently can delay your period??????? and I've been in PMDD luteal hell ever since. I can FEEL IT wanting to start but it won't!!! I also get really bad OCD intrusive thought so that's really cool.

Genuinely how do you make your period start, I am not pregnant and don't want to use BC for my cycles bc it makes me fat

So I've had to have my SSRI meds tweaked to accommodate my pmdd. I was on Lexapro for years for my "normal" depression, then my doc added Prozac to help with the harmful thoughts that came with the luteal and menstruation phases of my cycle. That worked well but then I decided to see if the Prozac could do all the heavy lifting since it was making me feel a lot better in ways I haven't in years.

So now I've just been on the Prozac for about six months. Everything was great until a couple nights ago.

I got hit so hard with everything. My cramps haven't been this bad since I first got my period, it made me cry and I tried so many tricks to ease it up but it took hours to feel somewhat okay. Then the next night, I get triggered by a book I was reading, and the spiraling and suicidal thoughts came back. I was crying for hours. I'm getting irritated by people around me again and I'm feeling like an asshole for feeling that way but I can't help it. I'm afraid that I'm going to keep suffering and I really can't handle another breakdown like this one. It's so bad I'm considering a hysterectomy at this point.

I'd appreciate advice and support on this because I don't know what to do and I just want to feel better about all of this.

I want to hear stories of treatment that worked, treatment that worked for more than one month.. I need to believe there’s light in the end of the tunnel.

I started treating PMDD only in February. 25mg of sertraline during luteral. Since the first few days amazing. Honey moon!

I could hear the birds singing, I was singing, again, in the shower. Seeing myself pretty!! It was amazing. No more exhaustion, no more depression and anger. I started sleeping like a baby. It even helped with ptsd so I started taking it everyday. But it lasted just one month. Then the symptoms got back. All of them. Even worse. And they last all luteral, and till the last day of bleeding. I’m losing hope. My doctor increased the dose to 50mg but still nothing…

I need to know there’s someone in this world that found a treatment that works… for months, a long time, not just one month. Please.

The demon’s back, and I need hope.

Is it true that antidepressants end up not working anymore after some time, for pmdd?

It is my second month taking it and I was very hopeful and happy with the results but I still feel like it can come back. Yesterday I had anxiety all day long at work, it surprised me, even though I am in the very last days before my periods starts.

Thank you!

I’ll start! Currently about 3 days out from my period and I just rage clipped my right index finger nail for having the AUDACITY to slightly snag on my sheets while making the bed…I’ve been trying to grow my nails for about 3 weeks and it was going well 🙃

That’s just the most recent thing, this entire day has been nothing but micro-rages at anything and everything.

How about everyone else? I could really use a laugh right now 😅

Yes hello it is like 97 degrees F in the northeastern US today and heat is a biiiig big environmental trigger for me and also it’s Tuesday aka the busiest commute day of the week (I take a train into a city and can’t work remote) and I am a week away from le period and I am trying not to burst into a zillion pieces while screaming 🤠

The generic advice if you’re overstimulated or anxious due to environmental factors is to go somewhere quiet to calm down. I love this advice! It is so practical!!! Like okay yeah lemme just hop off this subway train real quick and do some deep breathing in a grimy vestibule! Lemme just tell my coworkers I’m about to explode and escape to the shared echoey bathroom with two stalls that don’t lock properly! Lemme just stop traveling while I’m traveling! Lemme just ditch my groceries mid-shop and sprint for the nearest shady meadow! Lemme just slip into another dimension real quick!!!

97% of the time when I am overstimulated by noise, heat, crowds, smells, etc, I CANNOT JUST GET OUT OF IT EVEN IF I WANT TO. Because real life doesn’t accommodate and the world doesn’t care if loud noises make you want to dive into a well.

Like what are we supposed to do?? (I am actually interested in tips if anyone has them lol cuz I am at a LOSS)

Edit: The replies to this are full of genuinely helpful tips and are making me feel so validated 😭 thank you, fellow ferals.