I feel like it gets worse each time
First of all, I have a whole package - severe, debilitating ADHD, Autism, and pmdd on top. Found out about all these in the last 2-3 years (I’m 33).
I’ve been on different ssris for these 3 years, last one (Effexor) has been working well but making me completely flat emotionally - I reduced the dosage slightly with my prescriber’s supervision, which made me feel more like myself, but also brought back the PMDD hell.
I’m so, so tired of changing meds, going through adjustment periods, then seeing my other conditions getting affected, all this endless dance around my unfortunate brain chemistry.
Even if something works for a while, I know that PMDD and the associated depression will happen again. But this knowledge doesn’t make me more prepared, more accepting of it. I feel like it should. It feels so much worse instead - each episode gets so much heavier, and I get so much more exhausted.
Also I absolutely hate how lonely this thing is. I have friends and people who love me but I don’t talk to them about it because they naturally get used to it but I never do!! It’s so fresh each time and I feel like I need even more support … And needless to say, I’m chronically single because I’m very difficult to be with. But god how envious I am of my coupled friends. It’s pretty ironic that I need a consistent and loving presence so bad but my chances to find it are so ridiculously low.
I spent last week in bed. Today I made an effort to go to the kitchen to get water, and broke the glass while mixing electrolytes in. The glass is still there broken, the water is still there on the floor