Anybody else with these side effects? Wondering if it's related... I feel like I'm a Teenager again. Constantly irritated... raged... I don't recognize myself anymore. It helps with the acne and other symptoms though.
No matter how much I try to avoid them, in the end I almost always end up with one again. They are drawn to me like magnets... It’s so hard to recognize the covert ones before you’re already in deep. The biggest mistake I made was opening up to him about having quiet BPD. I don't act out; I’m reflective, honest, have been through therapy, and care deeply about others and their feelings. Sure, my emotions are intense, and I can overreact when I'm hurt. But I never emotionally abused him the way he did to me. I never gaslit, manipulated, shifted the blame, or crossed his physical and emotional boundaries. These are all things he repeatedly did to me. He used my past and my mental health against me, claiming everything was just my BPD and that his actions were merely triggered by me.
I tried my absolute best to communicate in a healthy way, but every time I expressed my hurt, he dismissed it, denied it, or turned it back on me. I refuse to accept this, it directly attacks my self-worth and my sense of reality. Especially now that ne blames his abuse on me. How should I respond to that? I’m done accepting such dynamics, and I walk away as soon as I see the narcissistic patterns. Still, it hurts deeply to watch someone twist everything just to avoid taking accountability. He said he wants to try and get better, but he ends up doing the same things over and over, he doesn't even listen to me.
Hello :),
Do you experience deactivation after someone has deeply hurt or disppointed you? How does it feel like for you?
Since I am more earned secure now I rarely deactivate anymore, I can handle Closeness and neediness just fine. But now I tend to deactivate when I feel like someone is about to hurt/reject me as a self protection strategy. Sometimes It's hard to come out of that state, even If the other person apologized... It's like something died inside me. I convinse myself they are bad now. And then I become very depressed, everything seems dark and heavy.
Can somebody relate?
Hello :)
Is it common for someone with bpd to get severely depressed everytime you've been disappointed by someone you've previously idealised, been rejected or feel lonely?
I feel like I don't have typical depression because in company I feel very happy. But I can't tolerate being alone, I stop taking care of myself, don't leave the bed and spiral into thinking my life will never get better... I isolate myself even more.
I frequently feel disconnected, like no one understands me... I crave intense intimicy, but real connection is so hard to find in this cold world... seems like people only care about their ego.
Can anybody relate?