r/BPD

Need some advice please. My gf has bpd in a way where she really really can't handle her emotions they're always so heightened she's always either really happy with me or really pissed off at me. Recently she quit Abilify cold turkey and since then it has been hell. she will crash out on me for something as simple as like saying oh i want this not that and i get yelled at and broken up for it. I would get blocked and broken up with truly everyday. she's always mad at me and I don't understand why. I don't know what to do she's on a new med now, does it get better? I don't know if I can keep putting up with this. Like she'll be in the wrong saying mean horrible shit and i'm the one comforting her and I don't know what to do anymore. Please can someone let me know if it gets better.

Well my bf came over last night and within minutes of him getting here his new friend (female) messages him “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone, by the way your girlfriend is so pretty!” She saw me off his Facebook I guess? The context is we kind of split up for a month and have recently reconnected and during that time he made a female friend. We’ve been together for 3 years but have had our fair share of problems.

I’m trying to not be jealous because yes we were broken up and it’s not my place to say “you can’t be friends with her” of course but the message seemed really strange out of nowhere the second he came over to my house. I do struggle with things like this so I can’t tell if it was genuine or some weird thing she’s doing.

So I got diagnosed with bpd not so long ago and I also have gotten lot of dissociation moments that makes me uncomfortable and make it hard to act
normal like that day I was with my boyfriend but all of a sudden it’s like I was trapped in my mind I wasn’t controlling my move anymore more like watching them and I wasn’t emotionless and my boyfriend kept asking what was wrong but I couldn’t answer. Gosh what is wrong with me😭😭 I don’t rly know a lot abt bpd only what the doctors told me but I’d like to know if anyone got similar issues.

I was diagnosed about 5 years ago but had traits at the age of 12 (now 32f).

I was drinking pretty heavily for about 15 years and have been sober for about 3 1/2 years now. These past 3 1/2 years have been so incredibly difficult. Although I have better control over my symptoms, I find myself having episodes more frequently and splitting more often. I can’t hold down a job for more than a few months, the loneliness is killing me and I feel EVERYTHING all at once all the time.

I’ve been in therapy since I was 12. I’ve tried so many different types of therapy and I still feel it’s getting worse. I am so lost right now and I’m about to lose my house because I can’t keep up with the mortgage because, again, I can’t hold down a job. If I lose my house I’ll have no where to go. I can’t move in with my mom or sister and I barely have any friends because I isolate so much.

I have been working so hard on getting better. I have seen some progress but since I’ve quit drinking, and as I’ve gotten older, my mental health feels like it’s deteriorating. I’m at the end of my rope and I genuinely don’t feel I can live this way any longer.

Has anyone else noticed their symptoms getting worse as you age or after you’ve given up substances?

Just trying to gauge if I’m in normal reference range or not. Before anyone gets worried, I’m just passively suicidal meaning I have never actively done or tried to kms, but the idea of just not waking up one day sounds nice sometimes.
Thanks <3

EDIT: Wow this is the most popular post I’ve ever made on Reddit. I actually can’t respond or like all the comments, but please know I’ve read them all and I see you. And I appreciate each of you making me feel less alone. I’m sorry we are cursed with this, and I wish we could all be friends in person lol <3

Not sure about the flair, I feel like drudging along life I've violated all of the content warnings haha

I'm going to be 32(f) soon. I am so vastly different now than I used to be, yet I am exactly the same. Looking back through each stage of life, I have totally checked all of the boxes for seriously fucked up from childhood through my 20s. I didn't realize how stereotypical I truly was, I had kind of convinced myself I was fine and would grow out of all of the overly emotional bullshit.

I think I'm too tired now to try suicide anymore, I've had attempts throughout my life. I've put down the hard drugs, I smoke weed every day. I had gotten jail checked off my bucket list. I've totaled 8 cars. I've lived so hard and fast. I tried to be good and keep a settled life in between, I've fucked off a 13 year relationship. I thought it'd end in hellfire but, for a laugh this time, I have grown.

My physical health is shot and I am basically a defective house pet for my ex, who is honestly a good guy, I'm just bitter with myself for digging my own holes. I've never had any drive or want, never any sort of direction for my life and now I just simply exist without reason. Quietly. Ego death is long gone and yet I'm sure there is still too much left.

I'm also the only one left in my family. Distant relatives are far estranged and anyone close has been dead and gone for some time. Being very alone the last handful of years has altered my worldview greatly, I see how nothing matters in the end more than ever before. Life will go on.

How has your life gone, is it anything you wanted?

Have felt like this most my life but always thought bpd meant bipolar disorder until recently. So when therapists and drs said bpd I was looking up the wrong disorder my whole life. Went undiagnosed. I feel like it’s too late now.

I’m terrible at intimate relationships . Went 14 years single after the only relationship I’ve been in went south. (5years).. I knew then that I didn’t do well with relationships..

the girl who told me about borderline personality disorder is my most recent girlfriend. She saw the signs that anybody familiar with bpd would see. She has been my person for 2 years now and she is throwing in the towel. I can’t say I blame her because it’s a lot. Just hurts knowing she is giving up on me and I feel like she is irreplaceable.. I moved across the country to be with her because the long distance was hard. Now I’m in a state with nobody who knows me here. I’m feeling very overwhelmed and compulsive right now.

Do you guys find another person that makes u feel just as strongly later on down the road? Personally I don’t think I can even try again. Starting over feels exhausting on top of all the other stuff I’m dealing with. I don’t want to let her go but I know I have to. It’s not my decision. I guess I’m just looking for hope. I feel like it never gets better.

it’s been two weeks of hardly any sleep, hardly any food, hardly any water… and he’s living his best life :( i miss him so badly my nervous system is completely shot. the second i pull away he comes closer. i was transparent about my diagnoses and was waiting for therapy but he kept breaking up with me once a week. i hate my splits i hate what i put him thru and i just need to let go but i want him. i’ve been letting him use me for sex just so i can see him. im 28 and a mother. how embarrassing to let a 25 year old use me like this as if we weren’t holding each other to sleep every night. when does it get better

Hi everyone,
I’m looking to hear about other people’s experiences with dissociation in BPD.
If you’re comfortable sharing, what do your dissociative symptoms feel like? How do they manifest for you? Or maybe you don’t experience dissociation at all?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your personal experiences. Thank you!

He broke up with me and blocked me on everything. Unblocked me to just?? I don't know why. He gave me hope. He said we would talk tonight and I waited like the complete delusional idiot I am. Just for him to tell me he doesn't want to talk.

It's been 3 days of not showering, getting hospitalized with heart issues, not eating, tearing my hair out and crying crying crying crying crying. I've only slept for 3 hours overall in the last 2 days. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm typing this from the shower and I can't even shower. I'm just sitting in a dry bathtub.

Why did he give me hope? Why did he tell me he needs to think if it looks like he's just going to block me again and abandon me completely after all, just not right now but in a couple days? Why does he seem so normal? Why is he posting away about his hobbies like nothing is happening? Why doesn't he miss me. Why. Why. Why. We were so good until I complained about us only spending time with each other once in the entire month of June. I was just sad. I WAS JUST SAD. I never attacked him. Never splitted. I was just sad. And this is what he does. Is there someone else? What if there's someone else? Why can't I stop thinking about it?

Is there only one true way out for a person like me?

I know not every person with bpd has all the syptoms, but I feel like pretty much everything I read about bpd says that the disorder is centered around a deep fear of abandonment/rejection, but, I can't really say that's ever been an issue for me?

I'm worried about annoying people, that like, people secretly hate me but don't reject me, instead keeping me around because they're nice, or want to be polite, or that I'm missing signals. Sometimes I'll take my distances to see if people reach out, but more to make sure I'm not misreading their desire to maintain a friendship than anything.

If anything honestly, the pattern in my life is very much to not understand people trying to signal a lack of interest and me not understanding it, not the other way around

I'm pretty confident my partner won't leave me, I do freak the fuck out when a possible end of the relationship is on the table, but it's only happened really rarely (less than once a year), and it was explicitely mentionned, it wasn't like ''they didn't answer my text fast enough or smiled at the cashier'', it was like ''they directly told me they were thinking about ending the relationship''. Like, I did over-react in these situation, but the over-reaction wasn't reading abandonment where there wasn't.

The vast majority of times, when I split or wtv, my thought process is usualy more ''why the fuck are you with someone you hate/despise/don't respect'' than ''you're gonna leave me''. If anything, I'm often pissed off at not being broken up with during these times, because I'm convinced my partner hates me and just stays with me for some unknown (but surely evil) reason, which seems to be like the opposite of a fear of rejection right?

Hey everyone!

I'm a 38 year old woman, diagnosed with BPD about two years ago along with some other fun alphabet soup. It's been a wild adventure of hospitals, tears, pills, therapy, DBT, relationship rollercoastering, but more than anything, it has felt kind of isolating.

I'm in a relationship with a man who has been insanely supportive of my disaster-filled self, but I wish I had someone closer to ground zero to commiserate with who understands the gritty unspoken details or the 2am plights or all the times something is just inexplicably wrong.

Judging by the posts here I'm guessing the age range tends to drift a little younger; any other older BPD adults out there want a friend? Open to younger people, too, I just come with an oozing aura of millennial disgruntledness.

This is my first time posting here.

I’ve been a silent reader for a while, and this community has made me feel less alone more times than I can explain.

I’m still trying to figure life out too. I don’t have all the answers. I’m just trying to understand myself a little better every day.

I used to love writing when I was younger. I’d write about everything. My thoughts, my opinions, my feelings, little stories. It came so naturally to me. Somewhere along the way, life happened, and I slowly stopped. I think I lost that part of myself without even realizing it.

One thing I’ve always struggled with is how intensely I feel my emotions. When I feel something, I feel it with my whole heart. They can be painful, comforting, beautiful, heartbreaking, sometimes all at once.
And then they fade.

Sometimes I can’t even remember what I felt so deeply just hours or days ago. It’s strange because, in that moment, it feels like the emotion will stay with me forever. Those feelings are so intense that they almost feel like beautiful literature to me. Raw, vulnerable, impossible to ignore. I genuinely love feeling deeply, even when it hurts. I just wish I could hold onto those emotions long enough to understand them before they disappear.

Maybe that’s why I want to write again.

I’ve challenged myself to write every day. Not because I have life figured out. Quite the opposite. I’m hoping writing will help me capture these moments before they fade, understand myself a little better, and maybe become kinder to myself along the way.

I recently started a Substack where I’ll be sharing my journey, my thoughts on living with BPD, books that make me think, psychology, healing, and all the little things I usually keep to myself.

If any of this resonates with you, I’d love to have you along. And even if it doesn’t, I just wanted to say thank you to this community for making me feel a little less alone.

If anyone is interested my substack link is in bio

nobody stays in my life because they can’t handle my symptoms. the only person i feel close to is my partner and they’ve got one foot out the door already. i already miss them so much and don’t know what i’ll do once i’m completely alone. i hate my life and myself. i wish it could just be over

F26 here: Regardless of the diagnosis and the stigma that comes with it, I’m curious if anyone else with BPD has experienced this:

Even before you had a diagnosis, did you ever feel like certain family members, friends, or romantic partners would intentionally push your buttons, treat you poorly, provoke a reaction, and then use your reaction against you?

Those of us with BPD know that when we reach our breaking point, our emotions can come out intensely. That doesn’t mean we weren’t hurt, pushed, or affected by what happened before that moment. It can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you’re actually in a good place mentally and working on yourself.

As a woman with BPD, I would say I have a strong sense of confidence in myself. Of course, I have insecurities like anyone else, but I wear what I want, dress how I want, enjoy my hobbies, and make choices that genuinely make me happy. I go places by myself, eat by myself, and take long walks alone (I don’t drive, so I’m often out on my own).

What bothers me is that I don’t go out of my way to tear other women down, gossip about people, or make others feel bad about themselves. So I sometimes wonder why some people feel the need to do that to me.

Has anyone else, especially women with BPD, experienced feeling like people try to provoke you, test your boundaries, or make you feel small and then blame you for reacting?

And I definitely don't want it to be my wonderful amazing gf of almost 6 months who I don't want to push away.

Lost an fp yesterday and it feels inevitable. I begged him to stick around so I can end things on my terms, or at least keep him till I get a new fp. But he's dead to me

I just don't wanna do this again. I don't think I have it in me

how do i ride this out without doing something stupid? i'm so nauseous and can't stop hyperventilating. whats something that works quickly pls idk if calling a hotline will help they havent taken me seriously in the past.

My bf and I had been fighting/alternating breakdowns in the morning (not typical for us, something happened).

Things had been calm for a few minutes when I took slowly grabbed his arm. I did this because I was overcome with suicidal thoughts and wanted to alert him and anchor myself because I was really worried I was about to go into the other room to hurt myself.

I was standing up, he was sitting down, so I bent over a bit to hold onto his arm.

Then, I looked into his eyes and a switch flipped. I felt like he didn't care that I was in crisis but I still needed help so I yelled "do you want me to just kill myself? I can do that," and I looked down at my hand and realized I had strengthened my grip--not a crazy amount, but I ended up squeezing his arm instead of just being firm for a few seconds.

Immediately, I had realized that I scared him. I didn't mean to at all. He was very upset of course.

I have not gotten out of bed for days due to the guilt and I am confident I will never yell at a partner or do anything that could be seen as intimidating ever again. I am certain.

But how can I help my boyfriend? I never meant to hurt him but I definitely crossed a line. I truly was just in crisis and couldn't communicate well but it doesn't change the fact that I deeply overwhelmed him.

After another girl lossing interest in talking to me for a single night over text messages. Im just boring to talk to.

I feel like i want to talk, but during the 10 or so messages her tone, her replies changed quickly to the point of short responses, no questions, no new topics, no emojis.

I just suck at talking to women, and ive once again screwed up my chances to have a friend that wants to get to know me.

Im not attractive enough to be this boring, im not funny enough to be bad at talking over text. Im just not enough of a person, to have women want to get to know me.

I shouldve realised earlier, and i think i had to a degree. As it felt like we had a good chat in person when we first met, and now she doesnt want to continue messaging me, because im just not fun to talk too.

How can i be better at talking? I try to ask questions, to not be overbearing about talking about myself, to make jokes and not dismissing what they said. And yet, ive just never gotten better at it.

With the way my personality shifts depending on who im with and how black and white my thinking is i feel like i suffer with imposter syndrome. I literally dont know who i am sometimes and im having an identity crisis most of the time !!!