Is it wrong for me to be offended that my ex thinks she has bpd?
Hi, I (19M) feel stupid over how much it irritates me. So me and my ex (18F) have known each other since we were 14 and 13, we met in school. We dated, broke up, dated again, and just kept doing that. We've broken up and gotten back together at least 6 times by now. Every time we broke up, it was my fault. I was the one tweaking over her friends, the time it took for her to respond to my messages, her tone in person and over text, splitting on her over something stupid, just all the usual shit that one who displays symptoms of bpd would do. By the time I was 16 I had her totally Isolated just so she could be "only mine". Stuff like that. I'm not proud of what I would do and I'm a changed man these days because of dbt and my therapist.
So considering my behavior that my therapist deemed as symptoms of bpd (because I also had a lot of issues that would ruin my day to day life, not just relationships) and how my mother who has bpd acted and treated me when I was a kid, I feel like I know the signs. My ex displays very minimal symptoms yet she's convinced she has it. Never has she ever tried to tell me to leave my friends, she hasn't freaked out over me hugging them, texting them, she hasn't ever broke up with me, as far as I know she doesn't split (a thing I feel is rather obvious because every time I or my mother split on someone it was very loud and we'd do nothing but shit talk the people, leave them, or just act deranged) she's only had consistent friendships. She doesn't think in black and white. She's very logical and doesn't experience anything that I would personally consider an episode.
I come from a family of severe mental illness. Both my parents are unmedicated bipolars, my mom has bpd plus a long list of other shit that messes with her emotional regulation and moods, my dad has NPD, all of my siblings are autistic, and my therapist is urging me to get a psychological evaluation because he thinks I'm bipolar and he's worried about me facing another psychotic episode. He considers me pretty much in remission with my bpd symptoms.
I grew up with and practically raised my siblings. I know what an autistic meltdown looks like. That's all I see when she talks about why she thinks she had bpd. Autism. She has sensory issues, meltdowns with sudden schedule changes, rituals surrounding routine and food, self harm when she's having a meltdown (particularly hitting herself), she's dysthymic, stuff like that. Her dad also displays a lot of signs of autism. Yet she's convinced it's bpd.
I know it's wrong to just dismiss people and their concerns with mental health and that maybe I should be more supportive, but bpd ruined my life. It ruined my childhood because of what my mom did to me every time she'd fly into an episode, over half of my friends were lost because of my episodes, I was nothing but dysfunctional and so was my mom. I blew my life up more times than I can count. I dropped out of school multiple times because of it. So when I look at her and watch how high functioning she looks, I feel nothing but angry. It feels like she's treating it as a small issue and not something that destroys people's lives. She's never blown her life up. She's never blown our relationship up. All her relationships are stable. I don't fucking get it.
It makes it hard to talk to her. I guess I just need advice. I'm thinking maybe I should just tell her to not talk about it with me. That's probably the best thing to do, right?
Thanks for listening, and wish you all well.