u/charlottesphere

I am really struggling lately with this mental illness. I have been diagnosed for around 7 years now. Lately I have been having very frequent episodes I cannot control. It is completely destroying my relationship with my partner who I live with. He looks completly exhausted and dead inside when I looked into his eyes this morning after yesterday’s episode which is adding to the guilt and shame I experience after every episode. I have honestly been feeling like I have lost all hope and suicidal thoughts are very heavy lately.

I wanted to see if there was anyone else with diagnosed BPD who when having episodes they feel like they are literally possessed by a demon? I know that may sound absurd but yesterday it literally was like the movies where someone is possessed by a demon. My voice even started to change to a demonic voice. It also felt like I had this angry entity within me then suddenly it would leave and I would feel calm and the “real me” would come back almost begging for help then it would return again. I do not actually believe I am possessed by a demon just to clear that up but I am interested to know if anyone else with BPD experiences this or whether I should perhaps go back to the doctors to seek another diagnosis that I may have. I do not hear things that are not there nor see things that are not there during episodes. Just extreme unvalidated anger where I feel like it’s someone else taken over my body and mind and I have no control during episodes.

Thank you for anyone who would like to share similar experiences. It may make me feel a bit less alone in this awful illness. 😞

My partner has been trading for around 1–1.5 years and I’m trying to understand whether this pattern is something traders can realistically overcome.

He seems capable of passing prop firm evaluations consistently, but once he reaches a funded account, he tends to lose it. He has received a few payouts in the past, so there is clearly some ability there, but there has not been consistent profitability overall.

There have also been meaningful net losses overall, despite the occasional payouts, and it has started to affect his financial stability and our ability to plan or enjoy things together. That is why I am trying to understand whether this is a normal early-stage hurdle that can be corrected, or a sign that he needs a more structured approach alongside a reliable income.

For traders who have experienced this: what was the difference between passing evaluations and becoming consistently profitable on funded accounts? Was it risk management, changing position size, psychology, overtrading, revenge trading, different rules, or something else?

From a partner’s perspective, what would you consider reasonable expectations or boundaries while someone is trying to make trading work? I want to be supportive, but also realistic about financial stability.

Thanks for any honest experiences or advice.