u/Critical_Guidance_24

Being a lover girl while also feeling extremely overwhelmed/turned off when someone outwardly shows affection is an awful way of living. Like i WANT love and secure attachment, but also completely become disinterested when people are into me and show affection. Im a huge walking contradiction of myself. Its hard to find someone who fits that puzzle piece where i can feel settled in and not want to run away. Ive only found that once only to be blindsided by him after a few months and it completely changed the way i moved in relationships (not being ever able to feel truly safe)

Its hard to keep my most recent ex on things. But i dont want them to think that means they cant ever come back. But at the same time, its hard to heal and move on and be a different person in the meantime. Im just wondering from the other perspective. If someone unfriended you on everything, what goes through your mind?

Traveling to brisbane soon and really enjoy everything “weird” and would love to go to oddity shops if theyre around. Things like taxidermy, wet specimen, skeleton remains, etc. I’m from the u.s so maybe oddity shops are called something different in aus? I tried to google but couldnt find anything.

Any leads are appreciated!

Ive been watching this subreddit and a few others and it seems like 3 month mark is when people start contemplating contacting their exes again for reconciliation. I thought it was an interesting observation but not sure how true it really is if put to the test

We both didn’t want to breakup. He broke up with me and said he hopes later he can ask for me back. We both said i love you and i miss you after the breakup. I don’t hate him, love him so much, but i hated being in the relationship. It was so hard on both of our mental well beings. Love just wasnt enough. Its the first relationship ive had where i’ve had to realize that love is not enough sometimes.

I dont even like pillows. Theres no need for me to buy them. Why did I buy them? I specifically bought allergen free ones. He uses pillows. He also gets really bad allergies in my room because of the cats. Even when things have ended, i still consider him. That is the tangible extent of my love and care. Even after someone is long gone i still think about them and care for them and consider them. Thats the love i carry. It feels like a blessing and a curse because i feel like its hard to find people who replicate that level of care and attention.

This sounds really silly but acts of service is actually on the bottom of my lists in how i receive love so i dont really know how i can show it. Im F28 and my partner is M25 just for context. He doesnt know his love language but just from observing how he loves me, i feel like acts of service is on his top for how he gives/receives. I want to learn how to do better with it as im not really familiar with it.

I (F28) am FA, my partner (M25) is also FA and been dating for 2 months. My anxiety and negative self talk has been pretty bad lately but hes been supportive and despite him (both of us) being conflict avoidant he’s giving me a lot of support when i do have worries but also him not being able to voice any thoughts on his own without me asking direct and specific questions feeds into the anxiety a bit. Its been really really hard for me to bring up issues because in the past im used to being yelled at or someone being angry at me for voicing my needs so my body kind of automatically goes into fight or flight mode expecting chaos to happen, so as a coping mechanism i automatically just cry because the adrenaline is so much for me and its the only way to get all of the built up energy out. Im wondering if this is straining the relationship… if it makes him feel like every time we have a discussion it will lead to a high stress moment for us. Its not something i can control or help, but im hoping with repetition of me expressing needs in a safe environment my nervous system will know its okay and i dont have to brace myself for impact.

I just dont want him to feed me what i want to hear just to calm me down. I want real communication but i feel like my body going into automatic fight or flight is making it worse and im not sure how to regulate in a different way in the moment.

TLDR im FA and its hard for me to regulate my emotions in the moment and wondering if this is making it harder for communication

This has never been something i’ve had to navigate but this is absolutely insane and so annoying. They dated for less than a year like 8 months SHE broke things off with him because of something super trivial and now she wants to get back together or at least keep him around even though they have been broken up for 6 months. He said things are cordial and professional and he unfollowed her, doesnt have contact with her. She tried to face time him one time while i was there in our early stages of dating and she stalked me before we started officially dating because i posted him on my instagram story and he reposted it, she followed me and then unfollowed me after 12 hours because i wouldnt follow her back. At first i thought it was funny because she seemed so mad at my existence but now its just annoying. I talked to him and told him he needs to call her and put boundaries in place and be firm on it and i think he did, its not something i followed up with because i trust that he did it. But now her mom (after a month of not hearing from or about this girl) viewed one of my instagram stories. I have not communicated at all with them and blocked the ex just for my sanity even though shes never tried to reach out to me, but now it seems like i have to block the whole family. No matter how many ties i have to cut it feels like its never ending with her. I keep seeing her name around and its bothering me so much. We started dating 2 months ago and im just hoping she eventually fades out of his life at the year mark because i just hate seeing her name and i hate the drama shes causing. I really love my boyfriend, he’s really loyal to me and really sweet, its just this thing that is gnawing at me.

This is going to sound crazy, i have actually never felt like this before and usually if my exes brought up marriage it would actually scare me and paralyze me. With my new relationship, i always think “i cant wait to marry him” he also has felt the same and says that im his forever, his dad (single dad, mom not in the picture) is also really on board with the idea and introduces me to new people as his daughter in law. Is this crazy? Ideally, i want to get married within 5 years since im in my late 20s. And honestly, i didnt want to date anyone before i met my boyfriend and if we dont work out, i would consider that a sign that im not meant for anyone. I know whirlwind marriages are a thing but i feel like thats more common in older generations. I dont know, i get along really well with his whole family and my family so far likes him. Every day i spend with him my love only grows more.

Im not sure if this is the right sub but i am FA and i think this aligns with my upbringing and childhood trauma. Im in a healthy relationship and hes so so so sweet. Hes also FA but it appears differently for him. We’re both lover boy/lover girl and head over heels for each other. I really love him. He remembers things about me that i only have to say once.

Heres the thing. Normally, i would go over every single detail my partner tells me and remember EVERYTHING. I would obsess over every detail about them, in a Avoidant/Anxious relationship (them being the avoidant me being the anxious) i feel so guilty that i have trouble remembering things about my partner and i fear its because its a healthy relationship and im used to over observing, over analyzing, being hyper vigilant to avoid conflict, etc and now that im not in the fight or flight mode, my body has trouble remembering simple things?

Has this happened for anyone? If so, how do i do better at remembering things? I feel super guilty that he remembers everything about me but i cant remember unless im told a couple of times

So curious to know the story and what made you want to marry your partner

Im F in my late 20s. I havent dated in 3 years and i started dating someone new. Outside of the relationship im extremely self aware, i’d say book smart and street smart. I enjoy learning and picking up skills. I have a lot of brain fart moments in my new relationship. When im with him in public, it’s extremely hard for me to read or follow directions, process information, or even recall things. Why am i like this? I feel like i come off as dumb when im usually not. Its sort of embarrassing and im not sure why this is happening.