r/dating_advice

he's not disabled or depressed, he just lives with his mom who was a single mother. his dad was an alcoholic and the mom seems to have spoiled him and treated him like her boyfriend. he just does not work and is on some government benefits. he also wants kids. he plays video games in his spare time and has worked occasionally as a waiter. this is an able-bodied man who speaks English and was born in the USA. He is not disabled in any way.

Oddly enough, I have an uncle who married a nurse and never worked, slept in until noon, and then when the divorce happened, he moved in with his mom and lived with her. She did his laundry and cooked for him and gave him money.

it seems like this is becoming more normal. are these men momma's boys, or are they securing the bag?

likewise, would a 30 year old woman in the same situation be a red flag?

Is dating older men better for finding a serious relationship?

I’m a 22-year-old woman, and honestly, I’m getting pretty tired of the college dating scene. I’m trying to figure out how to meet a guy who is genuinely interested in a relationship rather than just hooking up.

Whenever I match with someone on a dating app and the conversation goes well, it seems like the next step is almost always them inviting me over to their place late at night. I’m not interested in going to the home of someone I’ve never met just to hook up. The same thing happens when I meet guys in person. We’ll exchange numbers, talk for a while, and instead of asking me on an actual date, I’ll get a “come over” text at some ungodly hour.

I feel like I put myself in pretty good situations to meet people. I’m in a sorority, I go to the gym, I’m outgoing, and I have a lot of interests. I like college football, poker, and occasionally playing video games. I’m not expecting every guy I meet to immediately want a serious relationship, but I would like to meet someone who actually wants to get to know me and see where things go.

I’ve started wondering if dating older men might be a better option. My thought is that guys who are a little older might have more experience, know what they want, and be less interested in playing games or just hooking up.

title basically. i’m mostly looking for insight from men who date women, please be honest. i am a 21 year old woman and have absolutely no dating experience. will this hinder my ability to get a relationship in the future? and what age do you consider it to be a red flag or extremely strange for a woman to have 0 experience?

I require condoms for oral, anal and vaginal sex.

I feel like these rules make me feel more like a person rather than a sex object because it makes me feel safe and cared for as a person. I know there is always going to be a guy that doesn’t want to do any of these things. Are most guys I date going to take an issue with this?

If a woman sees a man, is she going to think of he is either attractive or unattractive? If he is un attractive, would there be any point of that guy approaching her? If she got to know him, would a good personality change her opinion?

I guess my main question is, are women open to dating someone purely off the way they look? When does personality become a factor?

I’m (25M) 5’7 brown and 240lbs, been in one relationship my whole life. I keep my myself neat and clean, fresh haircuts most of the time and wear good outfits, I get a few looks here and there but that’s it, I get rejected every time I approach someone and if I like someone and they get a hint that I do, they become super rude to me. I’ve been on dating apps put up my best pictures and nothing should keep dating aside for now or continue or should I focus on myself loose some weight any advice would be greatly welcome

I've (29F) been on 3 dates with a guy (27M) and we always have a good time on the dates, he seems interested, he initiates the dates and during the last one he even said we can travel somewhere together in the future. I don't expect whole paragraphs and getting good morning texts or something, and at the beginning he said he doesn't like texting, and also barely uses social media, he is not the one who just scrolls on Instagram, but we barely talk in between dates and even if the dates were great, 1-2 days after I always start to doubt if he likes me enough to start a serious relationship. Because if he likes me and thinks about me when we're not together, then why the hell can't he text a bit? Before the next date comes we talk a little more, but overall it is way too little contact for me when we're apart. I haven't said anything about this to him yet, because we have only known eachother for 3 weeks, but his communication style makes me feel really insecure. There were times I thought he ghosted me and I would never see him again, but eventually he appeared and acted completely normally. Is this normal behavior or is he just not that into me? And yes, I will address this gently on the next date.

I've been talking to a random guy for a week now, and yesterday, during our normal conversation, he randomly asked me for my bra size. He says that he likes me because I have a unique sense of humor. I like him too, he's funny and everything and he has even told me he's so horny. But I felt kinda weird when he asked me for my bra size. Is that a normal question? should I stop talking to him? (I've never dated in my life)

Advice so I went to visit a guy at his place when I got there a few minutes later Uber Eats arrived and he started eating his food and not once asked me if I wanted a piece or even taste the food. I felt so weird or am I overthinking

I’m going on a first date with this guy and he wants me to come to his house after, I don’t want to do intimate things so could I maybe ask what he plans on doing saying I just wanna chill nothing else? I don’t wanna accuse him or make it awkward

I'm 23 & out of school, & he's 21 in college which makes me a little hesitant since it's just different life stages and all that. I don't have a lot of dating experience at all really so bare with me here. We went to a movie theatre to watch a horror film on Monday. It was fun! We both had like monthly subscriptions to the theatre so there was no worrying about paying for the tickets. He bought us popcorn & icees....and tried to use his online rewards to get them for free but it didn't work.

But anyways, today he was like "we should go out and see this horror movie on Friday, and oh we can go and see this movie next week!" And I'm sort of like wait what about talking & like other activities? Is this normal for like going on dates? Is it a money thing since I have a pass to this theatre? Should I bring it up to him?

I (M23) was dating this guy (M29) since Feb 2025. It was really good. I felt that he loved and cared for me truly.

Fast forward to Nov 2025, I was in his room and noticed some picture frames that were turned over, so I go suspicious and looked at them. It turned out to be his engagement photos.

I left and confronted him through text, and at first he lied saying the engagement was already called off so it was okay for us to date. I said okay, but continued to do more digging and somehow I found out he was lying again.

After this he told me that it was simply an arranged marriage and that he didn’t really have feelings for her (F28) and the one he loves is me, and unfortunately I was convinced to stay.

It was rocky after that because I was confused about the whole situation. I loved this man, but I didn’t like being secondary despite him promising that he’ll work things out to get out of the marriage to be with me in the end. I tried to end the “relationship” with him multiple times and every single he’d always cry and beg me to stay so I really thought his feelings for me were genuine and so I regret to admit that I wasn’t strong enough and gave in back to him every time.

Fast forward to Aug 2026 now, I’m about to fly overseas for university, I finally had the clarity to decide to end things with the most conviction I had. I realized the promises he made to me to do everything to end his relationship with the fianceé weren’t enough, and looking back, he made 0 moves at all to prove or back up anything he said. He’s asking me for 3 years to stay hung up on him because that’s the amount of time he’ll need to break off and divorce her - but that was too much to ask. I refused to halt my life for him though I truly loved him.

We met up irl and talked things out, agreeing to simply enjoy the last few days I was in the country before I flew off and moved out, and things were okay. I came over to his room, cuddled and then he went to go and shower.

When he went to shower, I decided to just look through his phone, and when I clicked into the photos app, I saw he had the hidden folder opened recently. I got suspicious and I opened it, and there it was, just a bunch of pictures of him with other guys, having sex with them and pictures/profiles of men from a hooking-up app.

I was heart broken. I thought he said he loved me and was doing everything he could to get me back. But looking through the dates, he was meeting them on days I was busy with work or not at home. He even had threesomes with them.

After this, I took pictures for evidence, I got my things and ran out of the house. He found me and tried to talk to me but I was angry. I told him I was gonna ruin his life and tell his fiancée everything and we got to an altercation even. Police got involved and we were separated. Once I got home, I decided to act on impulse and tell the fiancée through Instagram and sent her all the pictures including the lewd ones.

Fast forward to today, his life is essentially ruined. His marriage that many people invested in both emotionally and financially is gone. I know the wedding preparations cost a fortune and he even said 600 people were involved (I presume it’s a culture thing to have such a large scale wedding). During the altercation, he threatened to commit s*****e and I told that to the police because they asked me everything that happened, which led him to be taken to a psychiatric facility and gave him a record which he said was going to affect his ability to continue his job as a front-liner.

Basically, I ruined his life for telling the fiancée. He asked to meet up and I agreed if my parents could be there, and he basically broke down to me and said his life is gone. I truly feel so guilty because I do love him still, but at the same time, facts are he’s a serial cheater, he really was manipulative and self-preserving (he barely apologised for cheating and was focused on his life when we were talking f2f) and someone who truly loved me would never think to cheat on me at all.

I feel that he did bring this upon himself, and my impulsive decision didn’t come out of nowhere. Something caused me to be that angry which was finding out that he was cheating on me. I was only in the middle of the domino and everything that’s happening now is simply a result of the root cause which is his habits, lust and infidelity.

However, as a human capable of empathy, while I recognise it isn’t my burden to carry, I still do feel for his current situation - again, I truly loved this man. I just struggle to sort my feelings out rationally.

Thank you for listening to my story.

Hello I met T January of this year thru a dating app and right away he was very interested in me. We went on a couple dates up until around Valentine’s Day we were going to go out I made him his favorite food as a gift and he ended up ghosting me right before the date. Now at first I was worried but clearly after that day I was simply hurt for him doing that. A month goes by he messages me apologizing I accept it and he said he wanted to pursue me again I give him another chance but that we needed to meet up first so I told him to come over to my place. Again right before we were supposed to meet up he sent me a paragraph this time tho saying hes avoidant and that he just cares too much about his alone time that even though he wants a relationship he can’t make it work. I told him ok please delete my number. Time goes by my mind stays on him and I had met some other people I decide to reach out to him just to hook up and I’m clear about that saying I don’t expect anything after. It happens nothing happens after ok but then times goes by again and I’m asking him for some tickets to where he works and he agrees. We end up talking about hooking up again but this time hes starts saying extra stuff like “I’ll never get enough of you” and “I’ll come over every night if u want me to” I’m like okay come over tonight then he doesn’t respond then next afternoon I send the same thing basically and no response. I end up blocking him cuz he’s not even good for just dick 🙄 like too complicated. Anyways two months go by and he messages me on normal messages saying unblock me pls. Here goes me and he basically is rught away saying how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that he kept checking everyday if he was unblocked and that he was so happy that he didn’t delete my number. Even mentioned the new spider man movie and said I was his MJ 🤨 anyways a whole lot of promises that he wasn’t gonna pull the same bullshit again and that he was gonna start coming over more. He comes over that week we had a good time and I was trying to he superficial but after hanging out with him I had too much of a good time I started catching feelings again. So I’m like fuck i need to chill out cuz even tho hes saying what I want to hear I’ve played these games before soo. Anyways literally last thing I tell him before he leaves is text me. He doesn’t, I end up texting him one night cuz I was #lonely. But he then says his doggy isn’t feeling well so he had to watch her keep in mind the day after he come over he was gonna take her to the vet. So I end up responding next day asking what the vet said he doesn’t respond that day which whatever until he messages me complimenting my new PFP and then he respond to the vet question. I then ask more about the vet and again noooo response. Then I basically text him one more time about a festival he responds then I respond then nothing for the rest of that day then I ask for my tickets cuz at this point that’s all I want lol. Now the story finally comes to today where I was honestly very hurt confused and just over everything so I send him a message basically cutting things off but this is when he responds with something I feel kinda bad for now. Just wanna know yalls true opinion and I’ll post the screenshots rn or the texts 😅

Mb idk how to post pictures so here’s my response and then his 😀

Me- I'm stepping back from this situation completely. Coming back into my life with romantic promises and then not following through has left me hurt and confused. Your words and actions don't match, and I'm done questioning where I stand. I don't want to continue something that makes me feel this way, so l'm choosing to step back and I'm no longer giving you access to me.
Goodluck in life
Him-I totally understand I wish you nothing but the best the last week and half have been the hardest of my life so l can't be anything to anyone, the weenie dog has been going to multiple vet visits due to her back legs not working anymore she can't walk on her own so everyday for me now is me being by her side so I sleep in stints just so l can take her to the bathroom
Me-I completely understand she's you're priority and I hope she heals very soon. I just wish you could've communicated that. I don't need constant texting as I said but just some form of clarity and I just feel used after you told me everything I wanted to hear then basically disappear and I just feel like a bother everytime I text u. I want u but I get it our lives are too complicated
Him- Believe me I would have been a lot better this all just happened out of nowhere and it’s been the hardest thing in my life
Me-I understand I’m really sorry you’re going through this, and I hope she gets better. I don’t want to add any more stress to what you’re already dealing with, so I’m going to give you the space you need. Take care of yourself and her, and if things settle down and you still want to talk sometime, you know where to find me.

I sent that earlier around 4 and haven’t heard since which I did unfollow him after the initial paragraph soo yeah

TL:DR- I’ve been talking to this guy since January, but he has a habit of making big promises and then going hot and cold. We hung out recently and things went great, but then he started pulling away again. I finally texted him today to step back, and he told me his dog is really sick and paralyzed right now. I felt bad, so I told him I’m giving him space but to reach out if things settle down

For a bit of context, I’ve only ever hooked up with women/ only ever had two long term relationships with women in my life. After my fiance broke up with me I was devastated and swore off dating of any kind for the foreseeable future while I heal and process. It’s been almost four months since the break up and in the last two months I’ve developed feelings for a male friend who I’ve been hooking up with. Sleeping with him, especially at first, was a bit disorienting and scary (in an existential way, physically and emotionally he makes me feel incredibly safe and comfortable).
It’s been an identity crisis for me, as I’ve always identified as a lesbian, and I know the labels don’t matter but I’m struggling with my queer identity, and I’m also struggling with the semantics of straight sex, I worry I don’t know how to please a man the same way I do with women. I don’t know how to communicate with him sometimes. I know there shouldn’t be a difference necessarily, every individual is different, but for the first time in my life I feel a little bashful and unpracticed and it makes me very self conscious. Have any other lesbians been in a similar situation? @those who sleep with someone with a penis do you have any advice or tips on sex with them 😅 he seems to really like what we do, it’s just such uncharted territory for me and I feel weird feeling new to it at my age.

I''m 25F, have never been in a relationship (I'm straight), and that's because of a bunch of factors of course but I've been making more of an effort the past year or so to use dating apps and try to put myself out there. I live in a major city so there's no shortage of people, and would consider myself generally attractive. Also, (this is relevant) I haven't had a problem with matches or likes in terms of quantity or quality (ie I can match with plenty of people I find attractive)

What I need opinions on is the contrast between my experience on dating apps and my experience in real life. I go out frequently (shows, restaurants, bars, clubs, etc.) pretty often and regularly but am rarely if ever approached. To give a sense I think the one time I was approached out this year was at a concert and by someone so drunk they collapsed onto me as they said hi ...

I find dating apps overwhelming/not my style and would like to think that I could meet people any other way, which is why this contrast has been bothersome and confusing to me. I'm not an unsocial person, but for whatever reason I never really am approached ever

As far as my own demeanor, usually I'm with friends and if I do talk to people but its never with any romantic interest on either side. I can't be sure obviously but I feel like I don't keep to myself in a corner or act standoffish. I know I can also approach people, but I'd like to not have to rely 100% on that, and it would be nice to be approached myself. I've also started to question myself a bit. But yeah, if you considered matching on dating apps as signs of interest, why do you think someone would have such contrasting experiences online vs IRL? I realize this might sound like an obvious question but help a girl out

I'm a guy and 32 years of age and I have zero dating experience. I've never been on a date and I've never been in a relationship with a woman. I've tried putting in effort from cold approaching to signing up on every dating app to no avail. Cold approaching only ended up me getting rejected at best and me being called a creep at worst. I tried asking my friends if they know any women that are single and they said that they don't know any that are single or if they are single, they aren't interested in dating me. After that I tried signing up on dating apps, I got literally ZERO likes and matches from women. I went even further on dating apps and opened up my preferences to any gender and the likes I only get are from men. Like on tinder alone, I got over 300 likes from men only. After that, I went back to my friend group and they said "just don't be ugly bro" and "just go gay". I don't know if I should give up as I'm striking out or follow my friend advice despite the fact that I'm not attracted to men.

When I ask if being a virgin in your mid-20s is a deal breaker on another sub. Most questions are positive, but there is a small number of people who disagree with the positive comments. I saw a few comments like, "Women on reddit will say it doesn't matter, in real life, yes it does." or "no one is giving you the honest truth. Most women wouldn't want to teach a 24 year old Virgin." I don't know if these people are telling the truth because they don't have upvotes. If this is true, have I missed the boat? I wasn't planning to tell women that I am inexperienced, but if they suddenly found out, I am scared that they would ghost me.

In other words, given your perspective as a man, what should women learn to spot earlier in the process when dealing with men

The title says it all. A guy I met through a dating app kept our first date only an hour long. Our chats online were brief but felt nice, fun and real. We met only after a week of chatting a bit. We had the same goals of a genuine, serious relationship, a soulmate to spend the rest of our lives with etc. He informed me beforehand that he would not stay a long time because he needed to catch an early flight the next day, fine. Since I was also very busy at work I even suggested rescheduling, so that it would be more convenient for both of us, but he seemed really interested in keeping this date. We met and I felt it was going well, we were both upfront, smiled a lot, kept it nice, fun, etc. Around 50 min later, he said he really needed to go. He barely touched his drink and he didn't mind either I was not even half way done with mine. He said he would text me and left rushing. It felt very strange...All I can think of is that he didn't like me physically, because I think the conversation was going well. Its kind of a hit to my ego, because...really, I'm not that bad looking, and I would expect a bit more politeness: at least give the date 2 hours, let me finish my drink, and then just text me and tell me it was nice, but you pass...is this so much to ask?? I feel sort of humiliated...

Long story short I (M 24) is in a grad program in a major US city at a fairly competitive university, we started in the summer and I met a friend group that I vibed with and have been having a good time with for the past few months. There is this particular woman (F28) in said group and we share similar vibes and personalities and we do flirt with each other a bit and spend some quality time, we gone out to eat a few times, she was the first to initiate, I even invited her over and cooked her a homemade meal from our culture (hardly a day goes by without a text or conversation in person about whatever).

We know each other fairly well, and she's voiced positive remarks to me such as (I feel like we have similar thoughts, I enjoy talking to you, you'd make a great husband and father). Also she does show romantic interest, body changes, tone shift in voices, staring and physical contact that I don't see her doing much with other people (grabbing my arm, taps etc) she also asked me if I would date an older woman/ would be perfect for an older woman.

The only thing is that she voiced negative things about the age gap once directly when someone though we were dating. Also a few times after the fact she'd indirectly voice it, there was a time everyone was chilling in a study room she goes between me and another person and randomly starts talking about how she can't have a relationship with someone under 25, and also during an outing one time she implied that I don't ask her out. She does seem to have a more anxious like personality.

I'm comfortable staying friends like I have a good understanding of romantic attraction and take explicit things superfically like it's not my job to convince her to give a younger dude a chance, if she comes to that on her own great, if not I'm not holding out on something and am capable of maintaing a platonic relationship.

SO pretty much there is this woman who I have good chemistry and compatibility with we see eye to eye and enjoy each others presence and time, but she voiced enough of a hestiation for me to not put her in an awkward position and ask.

For what it's worth we share similar outlooks on relationships and from the same cultural and she mentioned her being traditional but in practice not so much.