r/dating_advice

I am 21M and single since birth. So in my gym there is a girl which I like and i want to talk to her but i dont have enough confidence to go and speak to her because she is doing workout with her one female friend so I get nervous to talk to her and she also live close to my house.

I have her Instagram id but i didn't follow her. So what I am thinking is should I follow her on Instagram and then directly confess her my feelings.

Because if I only follow her and after that if I see her in gym it would become awkward because I don't talk to her

if i have to ask this, then probably do, right?

i am 30 had a date with a 42 year old man Sunday. we matched on hinge. today is Thursday, and I have not heard back from him since Sunday before the date. we also never got off the app.

i thought the date went well. we both said goodbye and hope the other gets home safe, but nothing else.

i could have sent smth after the date, yes, but it did not occur to me in the moment.

this is a lack of interest right? i thought it might be different since he is 40 and has a real job and is probably busy. before the date we matched late on friday, so maybe he only has time to text/date on the weekends?

i figured if he was not interested, he would have just unmatched by now? i always read about the girl texting the guy to set up a second date and that it works out but 50%. personally, it has never worked out for me when i was the one to text for a second date, so i am trying not to do that here as well. TIA

I’ve been talking to a girl and she seems much more emotionally attached than I am. I tried to build a real relationship with her, but honestly I don’t think I feel love. I feel more empathy, care, and guilt because I don’t want to hurt her.

She told me that if I leave, she will collapse emotionally. That makes me feel responsible and scared to end things, even though staying feels dishonest because I don’t feel the same way.

I asked for separation once before, but I’m not trying to hurt her. I just don’t want to keep giving hope if my feelings are not real love.

How do I end this kindly without abandoning her emotionally? And how do I know the difference between being compassionate and being trapped by guilt?

Well,

We are both uni students at a top uni in our country and in good majors. We share the same background in terms of family, money, success, experiences. He is above avarage as I heard from other people around 7-8/10 and as I heard I know that I am slightly higher than avarage, 5.5-6/10.

The thing is that there are lots of demand for men who are above good looking, have good family, are successful, come from a good background. This guy has it all. I also assume that he probably likes girls that are 7-8/10.

He probably assumes that I like him. He showed me some interest signs too, I askes a few people and they said it so too, but I can't be sure whether he likes me or he is just playing with me and boosting his ego.

What should I do like?

I am working on dating profiles and a submissive man I have encounterd this issue. I am a gentleman but still like a FLR (Female Led Relationship) when to share what I seek. Some people have said you have to get the woman to like you before addressing the desires but that could end the relationship right away. If you start out with the desires people might think I am just a creep and not give me a chance.

Would you rather find out at the start of the relationship or a few months in?

Women who've dated lots/are dating, and who easily get (high quality) men pursuing them, what do you think they are drawn to?

By this I'm not trying to sound insecure. I've just dated a lot and I have a sense I'm great on paper (ie by this I mean like a cool, good, attractive, happy person, not that I'm rich or have a good job)... I get asked out quickly and frequently by attractive men (via the dating apps).

But pretty much any guy I ever like doesn't like me back essentially right away after the date. I'm starting to wonder if there's something in my personality that repels the men I like. For context I'm almost 37 now so I've have many years of dating.

Again not trying to sound insecure, I love myself and think I'm great. My friends love me to death. I have no drama with people ever. But I'm trying to be self reflective about possible areas that are fucking up dating for me.

‘23M’ dating ‘21/F for over a year and starting to question compatibility

Me ‘23M’ and my girlfriend ‘21F’ have been together a little over a year. We met fast and started dating within about a month. We’re both Christian and have tried to take the relationship seriously.

I know relationships aren’t supposed to stay in the honeymoon phase forever, and I’m not expecting perfection. But lately I’ve been feeling emotionally drained and honestly kinda lonely in the relationship.

One thing that’s really bothered me is affection. Since we don’t have sex, the smaller things matter more to me like hugs, kisses, hearing “I love you,” etc. Recently it feels like I’m the one initiating almost all of it. I say “I love you” first basically every time, and when I brought it up calmly she got defensive and said she already does enough. A lot of the time it just feels forced instead of natural.

I also feel criticized a lot. It can be my clothes not matching, the way I talk, how I smile, or little comments that make me feel like I’m constantly being corrected instead of accepted for who I am. I know advice can come from a good place, but after a while it starts making me feel like I’m never enough naturally.

Another issue is my family. I didn’t grow up with the best parents and I fully understand that, but it hurts when she and sometimes her mom talk negatively about them or look down on them. At the end of the day they’re still my family.

The communication has also gotten exhausting. I try really hard to stay calm and talk things through without yelling, but when I bring up concerns she usually takes it as an attack and shuts down for hours. Even small disagreements can become uncomfortable. Like if we disagree on something simple like supper and I don’t want what she wants, she’ll get upset and sit there giving me dirty looks in front of her mom.

What also wears me down is that old arguments constantly get brought back into new ones. I hear things like “same cycle” or “nothing changes,” even though I genuinely try to work on things and keep peace.

I know I’m not perfect either and I definitely have my own flaws. I’m not trying to act innocent. I just feel like I’m trying to communicate and move forward while constantly feeling emotionally shut out or criticized.

At what point do you know if it’s normal relationship struggles or genuine incompatibility?

So my gf and i have a relationship of 6 months and we like sex like everybody, but i wondered what i can try because weve already tried a lot so my inspiration is running dry. Here are things weve already done/tried

Fisting

Filming/pictures

Facial

Anal in her/her fingering me

Tying her up

Shower sex

Sensual massage

Toys like cockring and vribrator

Long cunnilingus sessions

Watchting porn together

Blindfolded

What else is fun to try?

I'm socially anxious. I crush on a guy in work and there's good chemistry between us.

I sense he also is interested but is also very shy. He does try small talk to me, always nearby me. But I cannot be myself in work, surrounded by everyone.

It's draining my energy. I wish he'd just text me and ask me out for a walk or something outside of work 🙃

Any tips?

I (23F) met a great guy 3 months ago and we've been dating since. Yesterday he wanted to make it official, I slightly hesitated before I said yes to which he jokingly said "it's not like you have been dating other guys right". I told him no but I actually have been during this period

I don't even know why because he is exactly what I've been looking for, I don't want to start our relationship off on a lie but am afraid that if I tell him the truth he will break up with me, he is Dutch and I'm American so maybe this is a culture thing?

Is this my fault if we did not agree to be exclusive before this?

Really need some advice on what to do here I've been crying all morning because I feel so bad

As the title says, I (37M) had a really good first date with someone (36F) I met on Hinge. We had a good time, had good flirty chemistry after a few drinks (she even asked to have another with me after initially saying she was worried about the time) and even started chatting to me over text about a second date and then just suddenly dropped me.

I'm not naive and knew, even when things were going well, that modem dating is so in the trenches that this was always a possibility to consider. I'm not surprised and after time, not bothered by it as at the end of the day it's still only one date and I don't know how compatible on a deeper level we would have been. But I still can't say it's not been emotional whiplash to not even have the courtesy of being told she wasn't interested. How do you make sense of this kind of thing without just calling them awful names and getting bitter?

Just a question to put out there, I (25F) want to wear lingerie and sexy outfits more for my fiancé (29m) but I get embarrassed easily when I do it.

I enjoy dressing up sexy and in lingerie, but I’m worried my partner won’t enjoy it and then I’ll get extremely embarrassed and don’t want to wear it again. I’ve only dressed up twice in our year long relationship and he hasn’t had either reaction, not super positive and not negative either, it’s just like “oh nice.” Once it led to sex and once it did not… what can I do to not feel embarrassed and for him to enjoy it too… and I’m curious what other men think? Like do you enjoy seeing your partner in lingerie or just prefer nothing?

Hello so am talking to this girl since last year we were kind of fwb and we spent nights together recently where we cried cuddling and all the things and good bye cry , sex everything

now recently i got mad and said things like you were just fwb and then i said i will leave this after june

after this text of mine she didnt talk to me for 1 day then next day she told me she dont know about our next meet and she said she need space

she said she will talk to me after few days and i told her if this is because of the bumble guy she met and hooked up with recently

she said its coz of you not him , she said i talk down on her i think bad of her and all

now at end she agreed to meet again in june after arguments but she said you are ruining it by texting again n again, she said she need space right now

she said i dont understand her because i said i wanna talk and she was asking for space

what to do now

edit: i like her and we had a great time last time we cried together and we have next month meetup plan where i will be going to her country and thats why im worried she agreed later for a week stay with me after argument with line "yeah fine a week together"

i (21 F) love my bf (21M) to pieces. he's truly my best friend in the world. he's extremely emotionally supportive and he's just the cutest thing in the world!!! we've been together for 2 years and been living together for many months.

he's pretty typical as a man in the sense that he maybe does really lack in areas to take care of himself. grew up with him mom cooking and serving him every night and doing everything. he's fairly clean but sometimes he genuinely lack the abilityo to fully care for himself. like if i don't cook dinner for him he either won't eat, spend money on doordash, or will just eat literal shit. i am by no means claiming to be the healthiest person in the world and i love myself a struggle meal, but like its always this burden if i get home from my 12 hour shifts and don't want to make dinner, im literally only thinking about him. not even myself. and its exhausting. i've told him this and he's like i don't know why you even care it's fine. he says he'll never demand me to do full time "wife" things for him but like you know deep down he wants me to make him these good meals and take care of him

this part also really really hurts me and makes me feel tremendous shame. i sometimes think i actively resent him for his incompetence sometimes. examples: he's a car guy. bought a car he really wanted when he was 18-19. the car frequently breaks and isn't reliable. he has been using my car full time for over 6 months. i'll drop him off at work or he'll find a ride. he's home from work at 3 every day and never works a weekend. he still hasn't fixed his car so i resent him when he asks me to drop him off or asks me when i'll be back so he can have my car. god am i horrible for thinking this is so lazy?? i'm all for going through a struggle with something expensive like maintaining a car.

sometimes he will ask me the stupidest question expecting me to know everything when a google search is sufficient. again, im all for doing my best for him. he's my baby and i love him. but like it genuinely feels like im caring for a dependent sometimes. we've almost split because of this and sometimes with me telling him exactly what to do (like chores or things that need done) he can do it and stay on top of things. but i am such an independent person i don't understand how or why someone could be so reliant on a single partner for everything who is working full time and starting nursing school full time who has also never done life before but it confident figuring it out

i write this after being tipped over the edge last night. maybe unless you're a woman, you'll understand. i'm in bed prepping for another 12 hour shift, my bf comes in and is like hey i drank one of your alannis. it's 10pm at night. we both work tomorrow. i even bought juice if he was craving something other than milk or water. who drinks 200mg of caffeine at 10pm just because? "oh caffeine doesn't really do anything for me" ok it's 200mg of caffeine at night that's just horrible for you. i sound like a prude but i can't explain it i think im at a point where little things enrage me

how do i address this without loosing control and making him shut down

I’m 34F & left a 4 yr relationship in late Dec. I was unhappy for at least a year & felt super free & relieved by March this year.

I joined Hinge for a laugh with no real intention to date until maybe later on in the year & matched with a guy I loosely know from parties when I was around 17-19 (no hookup history btw). Anyway, he was in relationship/married for about 8 years until January this year. They have 2 kids (6+8 year old). I’m childfree by choice (& have had the surgery) but I’m surprisingly tolerable with him having children. He seems like an amazing father so I find that attractive

Anyway, we matched on Hinge (I’ve had him on Instagram/facebook since I was young) & was very surprised to see he was single. We kinda had a chat & vented about our circumstances. I told him that we should catch up when things settle down (me thinking in weeks or months down the track) & he wanted to see me within a few days.

Anyway, we went to a bar & got along super well. We kinda held hands a bit & pecked goodbye & I have seen him 7 times since first week of April. We’ve done a mix of romantic getaway at Airbnb, nature walks, he’s cooked me dinner, and I always stay over at his when I’m visiting him. This is all so unexpected but I really like him. He’s so kind and sweet. We message everyday, send morning/night texts, send occasional heart emojis etc. I really like him but acknowledge we need to take things slow which he has also mentioned given he has kids etc so he said he is hesitant about PDA at this stage (we live in a small town so word would get to the ex wife quickly). He has 50/50 custody & they can apply for divorce after 1 year of separation. I suspect he is a bit worried about complicating things & not having as many rights with the children or her getting unfair and wanting to take money from his businesses when they go through the offical divorce. Plus we haven’t had an exclusive chat so I understand not wanting to show affection in public as it’s basically announcing that you’re together. The vibe between us does feel more romantic and definitely not a fwb.

Anyway, to my point, I really like him & though we should take things slow, I would feel more comfortable if we deleted the apps and didn’t see others. Do you think it’s an appropriate time now (6 weeks of seeing him 1-2 times week) to have that chat & how should I word it? Should I bring it up in person or over text?

My (avoidant) boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me (anxious) about 3 weeks ago. The breakup came out of nowhere—he told me he loved me the night prior, we got into an argument the next morning that I still believe we could’ve recovered from, and then he told me it wasn’t working out. I was completely blindsided.

When he broke up with me, he immediately unfriended me on all social media. A little bit later he blocked me on Instagram, and just recently blocked me on TikTok. But before blocking me on TikTok, he sent me a random video which I didn’t respond to (read receipts turned off). Also, before blocking me on TikTok, he was reposting videos and commenting about our relationship. He also added a song to our shared playlist—it was a very malicious song.
All while I’ve been completely silent. Truly going no contact. I logged out of Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok the day we broke up so I wouldn’t be tempted to look at his accounts or interact with him in any way. Only way I knew he blocked me on the two accounts/sent me a video/reposting about our relationship was because I randomly logged into both, looked at my messages because I had some from other people and saw “No User Found”, and I was scrolling through my “For You” page where his reposts appeared. I never visited his profiles. I haven’t even attempted to text or call him.
I’ve been turning all of the attention to myself and my healing. So far, through my healing journey, I’m able to take accountability (not directly to him) for the things that I did that could’ve caused a change in our relationship. I’m continuing my healing journey, focusing on myself, and focused on becoming a better, healthier person.

My question is, why would he be exhibiting that behavior, and then decide to block me out of nowhere when I’ve literally made zero attempts to reach out to him?

I'm in my 40s and recently single. I will be attending a pool party soon and my crush (also 40s) will be there. Do men actually like to see women my age in bikinis or should I wear a one piece?

I'm apparently "decent looking" and "handsome" according to multiple female friends. None of them have interest in me so I am pretty sure they are just being nice to me but whatever. I am exercising a lot, my body fat percentage is 12% and I have visible six packs and toned muscle body.

I have a good paying job, I dress well (mostly vintage stuff), female and male friends says my fashion is "cool", "colorful" and "interesting".

I'm going to therapy and all my friends are saying I have high emotional intelligence, i'm smart and respectful. They say they trust me and I'm reliable.

I got hobies (simracing, 3d printing, crotched...), and people say I'm interesting, I can hold a conversation and I think people I meet are interesting as well

I go outside time to time, dating events, run clubs, night clubs, parties, gym, climbing gym, hobby/maker events. Not every week but every other week or so

I tried dating apps a lot, got 2 matches in the last 6 months, it didn't go anywhere

I talk to women when I'm outside and ask their numbers or try to meet them one to one for coffee or dinner.

Yet I havent got any success whatsoever, it's always rejection, ghosting or something else. I only got 2 dates in the last two years. None of the dates went anywhere, ended with just a small hug. I don't expect more from a first date but its visible that these women weren't into me at all.

What other options I need to try? I don't know where to go from here. I feel like no matter what I do, no women will show interest in me.

TL;DR: I tried all the "good advice", what else?

I was trying to talk to this one girl, and it didn't go well. I was telling my friends about it and sent in a picture and they started laughing saying she was ugly. Kind of hurt my ego.

I was having great talks to a girl for over a month, we joked about everything, had fun playing games, had sexual banter, we even had talks about getting exclusive in the future, and hought about names for our future kids. And she started ghosting out of nowhere.

I can't understand because I don't ever ghost anyone, even people who I don't like, don't even know why. So I'm curious to see what are people's reasons and try to figure what happened in my case