u/lost1650

The title says it all. A guy I met through a dating app kept our first date only an hour long. Our chats online were brief but felt nice, fun and real. We met only after a week of chatting a bit. We had the same goals of a genuine, serious relationship, a soulmate to spend the rest of our lives with etc. He informed me beforehand that he would not stay a long time because he needed to catch an early flight the next day, fine. Since I was also very busy at work I even suggested rescheduling, so that it would be more convenient for both of us, but he seemed really interested in keeping this date. We met and I felt it was going well, we were both upfront, smiled a lot, kept it nice, fun, etc. Around 50 min later, he said he really needed to go. He barely touched his drink and he didn't mind either I was not even half way done with mine. He said he would text me and left rushing. It felt very strange...All I can think of is that he didn't like me physically, because I think the conversation was going well. Its kind of a hit to my ego, because...really, I'm not that bad looking, and I would expect a bit more politeness: at least give the date 2 hours, let me finish my drink, and then just text me and tell me it was nice, but you pass...is this so much to ask?? I feel sort of humiliated...

The title describes my current situation. Im emotionally attached to a person who doesn't care about me. He is the only person in my life right now: don't have close friends and my parents are not in good health. The thing is...I just realised that he does not care about me at all. I've been so stupid. I realised almost since the beginning, that he was not serious about me, but I decided to close my eyes and continue the relationship. And now it's killing me, I cannot handle it anymore. The total lack of care and love is just to obvious to keep ignoring:

- first thing I noticed is that he was weird about money. He never paid for any of our dates, claiming he needed to help some relatives and didn't have much. I was annoying, but I decided to ignore this.

- then, he never wanted to celebrate birthdays or holidays together. He told me that he just didn't like those sort of things that much, and that financially it was not wise either to do so. That we would start celebrating more when we had more money. Yet he would celebrate with friends and family. This was tough, but I let it go thinking I would accept him just as he is..

- during the first year together, he said he wanted to build a family one day and have kids with me. But when I suggested to start trying he totally changed his mind and told me he would never have kids. At this point I got my first heartbreak with him. I was really depressed over this, but I thought we could overcome it and keep together, because loving each other was beyond any dream I had.

- and now the last part of the story, which made my heart break in millions of pieces: he is not offering any love, support , care or affection anymore. I got an illness and he was never there for me taking me to the doctor, offering me a ride after surgery or simply checking on me. He simply told me that this was beyond his power and that once I'm better we will see if we can continue further, but that he didn't sign up for such degree of emotional support.

I am beyond sad. I'm just completely broken and hopeless. I have no dreams anymore. I only want to lock myself at home and never leave again

I live abroad and each time I go to my hometown I get deeply depressed. I know the reasons though: basically going back home makes me realise my life sucks. I haven't built the life I intended to build when I left my country. I guess that's what it is, I realise I'm just a loser. I see my friends and family have grown and are living fulfilling lives, while I'm still stuck. Does anyone feel this way too?

I think the issue is that we tend to forget reason while dating. If we simply applied some rules every time we start dating someone, we would reduce the number of heartbreaks and messy relationships considerably. The red flags that come into mind right now (after a breakup...):

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- love bombing!! Someone who says that loves you too soon. As a minimum I would say 4 months are needed? Not 4 dates, guys...

- when his life is too busy for real commitment: then, they should not have a partner at all, in the first place. If there is no commitment and time, you are FWB, simple as that.

- when there is very little interest in your life: then again...why are you with this person? If you find yourself turning much more to friends and family for support and talks, then really, what is the point?

- when there are no future plans and he avoids talking about the future, in general

- when the main activity is sex...

- when he talks about himself always in singular. It's always "me, myself, my needs, my hobbies..."

- when he avoids taking you to medical appointments, and the rare times he does go with you, does not even try to entertain you or calm you down.

- when he puts way too much interest in money and refuses to spend on you

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Guys the list is neverending. I have suffered from all of this.

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I have been in a relationship for 3 years now and it's never been great. It started like a romantic movie though: crazy in love, could not live without each other kind of love. The kind of love you dream of all your life. This paradise didn't last long, I soon started to see he was often not very available for talks or calls. But didn't think much of this. Then I started to notice he very often looked kind of sad and down. I asked him many times what was going on, and he then opened up to me eventually: he had no money, he lost it all in a scam. I told him it didnt matter and tried to comfort him the best I could.

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Fast forward a year, he quit his job, because he claimed he could do much better and wasn't happy there. From that day on things went worse. Much worse. He started working from home and earning some money (very little) and he always claims he doesn't have time or money to do anything together. Most weekends are spent at home just watching TV. The future plans we talked about in the beginning of the relationship are gone (or better said, they were never true). It's crazy how blind I was, he never really loved me. Last night I told him I was deeply unhappy and I felt very lonely and neglected. He replied in a very defensive way accusing me of calling him a bad person and telling me it's not up to him to deal with this sort of things, and that I should fulfill my own dreams and projects on my own. I'm so broken. I have spent 2 days in my room crying.