r/heartbreak

i’ve been in love with one of my good friends for a while now. she was actually the person who made me realize i was queer. she’s queer too and just… amazing. she’s beautiful and funny and so so so cool. she catches me off guard with the things she says all the time, she remembers the smallest things i’ve said. when she talks i can feel myself hanging on to every word. i moved away from her and i see her everywhere in my new city - in the cafes i think of what pastry she would like, i think of how she would take so many pictures of this and that or find this one thing so funny.
when i got my nose pierced, she came and held my hand the entire time. her hugs are the best hugs. i think im in love with her maybe. i know for sure that i really like her.

but i dont see us ever being in a successful relationship. i tend to overthink everything so maybe i’ve just talked myself into this but here’s why. i know she doesn’t like me like that, i dont even think she considers me as close of a friend as i consider her. im also a newly queer practicing muslim and while i know that shouldn’t stop me from finding love and companionship, im still trying to figure it out and i dont think a relationship is the best place to do that right now. im a hot ass mess right now and i just don’t think it’d be fair. maybe that’s a little self deprecating idk. lastly i don’t want to risk the friendship we have built if we try a relationship and it doesn’t work out. we have a bunch of shared friends and we went to college together. i’ve always practiced no dating within friend groups because i’ve seen how messy it can be.

sooooo my question is how do i stop liking this girl? do i stop liking this girl? i feel like i need to move on if i’ve already come to this confusion but it’s been going on a year and i still find myself pining after her.

This life is broken. My confidence shattered. The pain is searing and unrelenting. I am a stay at home dad of two young children. My wife is leaving us. Kids are to stay with me. Our apartment lease is ending. Only option is to get a job in 3 weeks or move to live with aging parents 5 hours away. Brutal. Sleepless. Hopeless. Heart and mind broken.

I’m having a problem with my girlfriend, and honestly, I don’t know how to deal with it anymore.

In the past, I used to get angry very quickly over small things, and because of that we broke up many times because I was always the one telling her we should break up. But the last time we broke up, before we got back together again, she told me she didn’t want to come back even though she loved me, because she wanted to choose herself and her own peace of mind. After we got back together, I promised myself that I would become more mature and stop overreacting or leaving over small issues.

The problem now is that she told me she no longer feels the need to tell me what she’s doing or where she’s going, because it makes her feel like her life revolves around that, and that’s what she told me. Even after I explained my side, she didn’t want to change. For example, we could be talking normally, then suddenly she disappears for 30 minutes or even an hour without saying anything. Maybe she’s busy, and I understand that completely, but why not just tell me what she’s busy with? I would understand.

Because of these actions, I’ve become emotionally attached to her, and my mood changes depending on how she acts. What should I do? How can I make her fall in love with me more, and how can I stop being so attached to her?

We broke up a couple of days ago and we went no contact, I really miss him and I want him back and I want to text him all the time. I’m not blocked or anything and he did watch me story too on his private account. How do I win him back? What do I do?
And DO NOT say “give up”, “move on”. Thank you.

Brief backstory, I was a pt that move from one gym to another part of the country back to my hometown of Brighton as I had fallen back on hard times, prior to this before the move I was shown my future boss of the new gym by my current one and I had a feeling you couldn’t imagine about this woman, I knew something about her, almost as if we had been together in a former life.

So upon meeting my new boss in Brighton, the very same feelings, I kept this to me for many months, but in that time we had began to share life experience, pain and trauma, we grew fond of one another and 5 months later we went on our first date. It was a magical romance one I had not experienced before (6 years single prior to this), that connection was so raw, she moved me into her new home within 3 weeks, I stayed at hers while she went to visit family in Spain over Christmas a few weeks later, when she returned it was still so magical for a long time, she knew I came from a spiritual background (raised by a medium with gypsy blood) and I shared that initial feelings of I knew she would be with me, I had told my parents in the lead up to this for months that I knew I would be with her, the universe wouldn’t let me forget it.

I had been struggling with trauma for many years and used cannabis as an escape from society because I never felt enough (a realisation I didn’t know at the time) she new I had been smoking throughout our initial getting to know period something I had fallen back to after 2 and a half years clean just prior to moving back to Brighton and meeting her. I would smoke for the first moving in period and we agreed I would pack it in whilst she was on holiday, I tried so very hard but due to trauma attachment I failed to break free, the smoking sustained throughout our time together (totalling 2 and a half years) we had many vacations with her family in Spain over that time and every time I would stay clean and promise that it wouldn’t continue when back, I meant it every time but I had connected my hometown of Brighton to negativity and pain from my youth and I would always fall back.

I took a new gym management job a year in to our relationship and initially it was great but over time I came to loath it due to my colleague being a very hard time for me, I looked for a new job several months later and took the first that came up (which I now deeply regret) it turned into a further knightmare as this new facility was ten fold worse, run from the top with bad culture, I was now doing weekends and lates every other week, the separation didn’t help our situation on top of me and my struggles, loss of intimacy, she began to express unattractiveness to me due to the smoking and smell, which was totally justified.

2 years after us initially dating she had enough and we almost broke up, the candle had almost burnt out, I of course pleaded and promised this was it, we went on holiday to spend Christmas with her family a few weeks later, I was clean 3 weeks, I came back and tried so very hard for the next 5 months managed 50 days sober in total in that time, but I was down in the dumps with the job, past trauma and never feeling enough for anything be it socially, romantically and professionally.

We had another trip for my birthday with just her parents in southern Spain 3 months after Christmas one, I had changed her indeed for her and she managed to secure a new job on this holiday which was great for her because she wanted out of the gym she had been operating in Brighton. Over the next few weeks I was getting signs but because of when you are high you are not yourself it distorts everything, your total perception changes I did not grasp the gravity of what was about to unfold. We had been discussing a move back to Spain for her and a future one for me, marriage and used this holiday to search for possible locations and homes, this was all a shared future dream.

6 weeks after our break away for my birthday with her parents she broke down after a small disagreement, she said the candle had completely burned, a day later I threw it all out but she completely stopped talking to me, a day after this she messaged me in the morning after the cease in communication to say “I’m sorry I don’t feel the, I’m not ready to have the conversation right now but I need some space, can you stay somewhere else for now” me being in the totally wrong headspace I took it as it’s over completely, I messaged her mother, thanked them for everything and for bringing me into the family but broke the news of my trauma and subsequent “addiction”.

The message to her mother understandably made her furious as there is generational and cultural differences to us brits. The age gap also playing a massive factor (11yrs) me 29, her 40.

She messaged me that evening stating “it wasn’t supposed to go like this, I initially just wanted space, going to my parents about your problems really crossed a line for me, I’m sorry it has ended like this”

Messages back and forth over the next few days were extremely mixed, I asked if this is it? Is there ever a chance to reconcile? She replied “I can’t say yes or never and I think that’s pretty normal” further messages “no one can know the future, and that can only see with time. You need your time to recover and I need mine. A month is not enough even 6 months and we both know this so why we both going to be hanging into it when we both have to put energies elsewhere” 5 mins later another “I’m sorry if I left mixed messages, going to my parents really crossed a boundary and made me feel very uncomfortable, after all on Monday I could not believe all the promises and I don’t think I could ever go back” all of which is justified to me. “I’m happy to meet for coffee next week etc I just need we both need some space, there’s very good things coming for you” “I understand you want to change but I’ve already given these times and chances. I can’t stay hoping things will be different”
Of course I was in panic mode, listing out all the changes I had already made and will make, all the issues I identified. Wrong move. She was very supportive of me getting the help I needed and encouraged it greatly and wished it all well. I asked she believe in me one last time whilst I got clean from a distance and she said she did believe in me. I mentioned in this time that everything that had been our downfall was due to the cannabis and it was, the loss of intimacy, sex etc because I crawled into a whole since the new job.

I went no contact after moving out 2 days later, I did leave a very long note in frustration stating I needed greater help etc etc which now I very much regret as I had those chances many times throughout.

A few days past, she sent me a very long message basically stating this was it, concluding with if I needed closure that she was happy to meet but didn’t want to affect my recovery. I simply messaged back goodbye.

I was hurting from all the talk of marriage, moving and losing her family.

A day later I came across her in town, she saw me from the other side of the road, I immediately headed the other way. A few hours later she messaged my mother asking whether she was and I was okay, my mother and her went back and forth “He needs the time and energy to recover himself and sort out everything. And we all know these things don't get fixed in a month.

I got really upset with the blames as for me I have done and support him a lot, also telling my family he has an addiction. Why no one thinks about how much I hurt? How much he promised? I couldn't believe his promises anymore.

Is how I felt then and there and I thought it was the best for both.

I am not perfect but I am protecting my feelings.
Who knows maybe he gets fixed and one day we can carry on where we left.”

My mum was saying he only blames himself for this

She replied “it would be nice if everyone can see my side too”

My mum was in agreement with her and they ended exchanges amicably finally stating that “the we in agreement that this is his time”

Roll on a few days and I finally reached out I sent a voice note and stated this isn’t me begging or explaining what I was doing to better myself, I never thought I would do the things in the past week that I had, apologising for the repeated dealings of me and my issues but ultimately that this was an apology for putting any blame on you with my note 5 days prior and thank you for putting me here. She sent 3 voice notes back “hola, it’s so good to hear your voice” gradually getting emotional as the voice notes came through and crying, no I’m trying to hold back, these are happy tears.” The reason I did this… but stopped before actually saying why” “we both going to grow and keep doing our things” “I’m sorry it went this way, all the talk of marriage” it was much more but that’s summarised.

I sent one final one back saying “I was so very stuck, I couldn’t shake loose, that being said I still hope for the future, I will change, for the better and that it will be permanent, I just hope in the future we can sit down and discuss”

She didn’t send another voice note, just a text “Keep fighting to be your best for your self that's everything you need to focus on 🙏🏼
Thank you for messaging and apologising 🙏🏼”

I replied just with a heart and she did the same.

4 days rolls by and she texts me late on a Sunday night saying “Hola, I hope I don't bother you I just wanted to ask how you doing? 🙏🏼

Also see if you need to grab your stuff, I know you wanted the bike and the hanger and others... I have some paperwork and your suits from under the bed 🙏🏼”

I waited until the morning to reply and said “Buenos días, you wouldn’t believe how well I’m doing and that’s totally understandable, I took my empath at the time for granted because I never broke my cycle of destruction, I broke free, thank you for putting me here and saving my life. I realise now you started to detach a long time ago for protection.

I’m sorry I haven’t the time currently, I’m tending to my own garden.

I hope you’re doing well also, have a great day 🙏”

She replied ten minutes later saying
“Buenos días, that's so amazing to hear 🙏🏼

Super happy you can see it all and understand it and you smashing it!

Take care then and thank you, you too 🙏🏼”

I sent a heart back and she never replied which is understandable.

A few hours later she removed our images and stories together from her instagram, I did not react and reach out however hard.

It’s now been a total of 16 days since the message of “I’m sorry I don’t feel the same but I’m not ready to have the conversation yet, I need some space, can you stay somewhere else for now” and 4 since the removal from instagram, she is still watching my stories and viewing my posts.

I have remained sober through all of this and will continue (18 days now) I have always wanted this for me but never knew of how much weight I had been carrying from my past, I sought holistic healing and have had 3 sessions now, the first was very profound and enabled me to identify the trauma and begin to let go, the second even more profound and I found peace with it and now project nothing but positive energy, I will continue these as they give me such insight and a new sense and prospective of myself. I now can’t stand the smell and have great distain for it, I stopped smoking cigarettes too, I have broken out my shell and have begun to make friends again, I have joined 3 weekday run clubs (I ran many ultramarathons during our relationship all of which she would support me on) which she has viewed on insta, I have joined a rugby club and have begun training with them and socialising with the team elsewhere. I have signed up for bjj (she does also) and begin in a few days, I have got myself self care booked in every week like saunas and deep tissue massages, seeing family more like my nan in a care home, levelling up my career and have out my notice in with the current job (have joined a proper gym again as a pt and start in weeks), have also joined a proper athletics club in town that helps amateur and elite runners come up. With the plan of joining more groups elsewhere in the city in the coming weeks.

All of which I have always wanted for myself but because of the feeling of abandonment and not feeling enough for anything in life be it socially, professionally and romantically, all stemming from my dad at 5yr leaving my mum for her friend and raising her kids and never me and my sibling, my best friend took his life when I was 17 and I was with him the night before, my late teenage romance of 5yrs and best friends leaving me at 20yrs because I couldn’t quit drugs as I turned heavy after the grief I had from losing my best friend years prior. I got clean at 23, lost 27kg and gave everything to the Royal Marines dream between the ages of 23 and 26 both fell through on medical grounds (genetic defect from my biological father funnily enough) that was the point I fell back to cannabis six months prior to first meeting her.

I have now finally identified this and let go of the weight I was carrying because of the holistic therapy.

All I can do is continue to level up for me in every way, sustain this growth and change for good and hope of future reconciliation as I know deep down that all the future talks of marriage, moves and family was real as she isn’t that type of person.

I want this all for me above all else but of course I still don’t want to lose her forever, after the pregnancy she continued to grow but because of everything I was holding I failed too.

There is many more details such as we were pregnant 6 months in, which we lost in the first few weeks.

She has such a busy plate right now with opening a brand new facility which she goes into presale in the coming weeks, ending her current job in the same timeframe, she does bjj several times a week, and started a qualification months ago to become a health coach which she planned to as her job when we moved in a couple years. I understand that she just hadn’t the time to deal with me and my former issues and even currently.

But I am changing, and forever, how do I overcome hurdles to showcase this? You can’t force no one but the universe has told me this isn’t how it goes and that when things settle she will see and we can start a fresh book one with me being a complete partner in every way. I know deep down she feels that connection too, is the broken trust rebuildable? Of course but only if both parties are willing. I know she hasn’t the time to even take a new relationship on and That tools she would need to find another relationship would be the same tools we would need to mend ours.

We semi ran a pt over the years and her meta is all linked with my pt accounts and overseas them as such which hasn’t been discussed, she also leaving my mother on her insta which has my beautiful mother in law etc written on it. I know I shouldn’t over analyse

Ask questions, give advice, I’m all ears

I need help with everything right now. We’re going to call me Jack and call her Jill. Jill pursued me 7 years ago. I just graduated high school and told her not to get her hopes up because I didn’t want a girlfriend. Jill was my first girlfriend. We’ve both done some things in our relationship that would make one another lose trust and be hurt. My wrong doings were worse and I acknowledge that and take accountability. I’ve cheated physically, virtually, every way possible. She is aware of only a fraction of the multiple occurrences.

We are both young (early 20s). Throughout our relationship, there has been plenty of time where I did actually want it. I did and do still love her, but I just wanted to experience the fast life and live on the edge. This is no excuse for my actions, I’m just reflecting. I purposed early this year in February and she said yes.

We haven’t been as close as we were when our relationship had begun. I’m sure that’s somewhat normal, honeymoon phase? She has always wanted me more in our relationship, it has been so unfair the entire time.

Jill unengaged me 3-4 weeks ago now. I’ve been sad the entire time. I’ve never cried more tears in my life. Obviously I am the reason for this entire thing. If I only had made better choices and been a better partner then I’m sure this wouldn’t have happened. Last week I was having a tough time and was begging her to hangout with me one night. She has originally told me yes but that changed. She went to go help her friend because her car had broken down. Then she was dropping her friend off and ended up being with her friend, but having sex with someone that was there. I have been caught and did wrong as well so I feel like I can’t hold that against her. Especially since I wasn’t being intimate with her too often, due to my own insecurities and struggles.

I’m at a point now where I just don’t want to lose my best friend. She’s all I’ve know for the last 7 years. Idk how to talk to girls and I also don’t want that. I just wanted Jill forever and to be the mother our my future children.

We haven’t 6 animals together, our first apartment, and our first real car. This has been a really hard time for me and I’ve been coping with alcohol and I haven’t ate in days. Currently on a 84 hour fast, with no intentions or thoughts to eat again soon. I’m good at expressing my feelings or talking about them, another reason why she unengaged me. I keep my feelings inside all the time.

I’m not really sure the point of this post. I think I just needed to rant. Everyone guy I talk to about this just tells me get hammered and bang girls, but that’s not what I want. I’m not sure how to move on and move forward. I had so many hobbies and now mostly everything is sold and gone. I ripped up all our physical memories, cards, photos, pictures, paintings. I don’t want to lose her but if she does accept me back and is willing to try and work on us, how can I trust her?

Thank you for listening.

I am in a six year secret relationship. I am 28 and he’s almost 30. The problem we have is that I was his friend’s ex and after 8 months of my break up we fell in love unexpectedly. It wasn’t intentional or anything. We never intended to hurt someone, it just happened.

6 years I’ve been fighting with him to acknowledge me to show me to the world. He doesn’t show emotions. He struggles with saying I love you and I think he’s very avoidant person. Every time I tried expressing how I feel about something, he turns it into argument and he would be angry and ignore for days and then I would ask for forgiveness or say sorry or act cute and funny so he can soften up.

He never said I’m sorry for anything he did and hurtful things like:

he went out group he has where his ex is and they weren’t following each other and they were blocked but since they had their high school reunion, they unblocked each other. he said to me that the reason was because he doesn’t classmates to find out that they don’t talk to each other because their relationship was also secret and after the reunion, there was like a mini group that they went out together multiple times and they would post stories on Instagram and his ex would post that stories and he would share it. The first photo he shared was of the class in the reunion so I was like OK but after that, there were two following story that were from small group gatherings and I told him that I was bothered by it. I asked him not to post 2nd and 3rd time, and he did. He argued with me that It didn’t mean anything to him, but he had to share it because he didn’t want to explain to peopl why is the only one who doesn’t share the story. I couldn’t make sense of it, he hurt me on purpose only seeing his aspect Of the problem.

and every situation was like this. I would tell him that I feel bad about something and he would become so frustrated and he has this kind of way explaining it very reasonable and logical that i am shut down.

He always thinks that I’m the problem, but I know that things he does as a partner are not okay. I am constantly bothered because he never asked me anything about my life like he’s not interested like I am. Questions in details about anything which is weird to me and I don’t understand because I’m always interested in everything he says, and I remember everything, but he doesn’t. Never remembers anything from my life. He didn’t wanna meet my friends and said that they aren’t likable to him. He also didn’t wanna include me in public things.

For example there is a marathon every year in June and last year, I couldn’t do it because I was at a wedding, but he was at the marathon and he said that we will run together this year and of course I’m expecting someone to fulfill his promise. And I said to him jokingly said that you said we gonna run together and he ignored me for two hours avoiding answering it and of course I reacted to that and he got angry saying you can sign up for the marathon. I don’t have to ask you personally do you want to run with me? I’m gonna go with the people from my work. You can decide whether you want to do or not and just tell me. I would so happy if he even considered me for something, but he constantly leads separate life. He even doesn’t understand why he needs to tell his coworkers who am I. Like they weren’t top priority people to know who am I.

I can’t understand him. Like he’s continuously rude to me when we fight. He always insults me and saying that he cannot be with someone like this his whole life and that I’m not a potential wife because of my character and this is not my character, I am sure of it. He says I am not well in my head and I have psychological problems. That I am crazy whenever I try addressing something, and the problems I address are very valid.

I am very self-aware and I’m going to psychologist for years, and I understand every pattern and every trait that he has and I can’t handle the manipulations and the domination that he is doing to me. Whenever I try to tell him how I feel about something he puts his wall up and wanna break up. Then I feel like an addict, start to beg not to break up, that I will do good, won’t argue or whine about anything. All night I was sweating, had very bad stomach pain and heart pain and I cannot sleep. I am afraid to be without him. I am afraid that he will find another person and he will treat her way better than me. I am afraid that I’m the problem in the relationship and that really is my character.

I am sorry if this is written in chaos, but I am so confused of our relationship. He presents me as the problem but he has done so many hurtful things and still says that he cannot be with someone like me who is so dramatic. Only thing I want to have is basic fulfilled needs in a relationship. I constantly find myself asking for I love you, heart emoji, expressing love in any way, showing interest, attention, priority, validation, being heard but it’s always a problem to get it because ”I am too sensitive” and overreacting. In this relationship I feel like the only rule and person is him. And he is the God who sets how this gonna go and I have no right of complaining. I don’t know how to let go. I honestly feel like an addict who struggles from getting back to drugs. I am so scared to be without him.

So, it's been 13 years since my ex-girlfriend left me in 2013. She was the love of my life and I can't move on. I still see dreams of her. I've tried no contact, I don't follow her on social media. I've tried to date other people but I keep comparing them to my ex. I'm 31, single. My ex is now married. I tried to talk about this to my therapist, but she wasn't able to help me.

Any advice?

I’m hurt. You cut things off with me, without saying bye or why. I have to just sit with the feeling of losing something that woke up my spirit. I got some good advice, realising the love you woke up in me came from me not you - and I’m going to try continue living life in love not hardness. I’m just confused. And this has hit me deeper than I realised, deeper than I cared to admit. I have nothing to apologise or say sorry for this time. I’m just letting you know it hurt me, and I valued you in my life for a moment. I guess the beauty in it is you helped me feel again. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, because now I feel sad… but nevertheless I’m not as numb, I feel something. This might of all been a joke to you, but thanks anyway for waking up something so pure in me. It hurts to feel even if it’s an old fire 🔥 in my heart, it hurts to be able to feel again with no where to place it.

Take care, I honestly don’t understand. Your last message to me was beautiful. I’m confused, but I’ll be okay.

Maybe I’ll message this thread every time I want to get something off my chest, cos I know you’ll see it somehow, some way. Maybe I won’t. I reach out because my heart desires real connection, human interaction.

You take care now… you always said you valued communicating feelings but you fell short there at the last hurdle. I appreciate some things don’t require communication, but I don’t know what’s changed your mind so quickly.

Take care.

I value connection, intellectual conversation… if anyone has any healing words, I like responding to the comments. Thanks guys. If I don’t respond it’s because I have no words but I appreciate every kind word said.

Im trying to heal the child within.

You never meant to give your heart away,
Not even enough for love to find its stay.

From the very start, your touch felt incomplete,
A shadow dressed in closeness, then retreating in defeat.

I tried to read the distance sleeping in your eyes,
The silence wrapped in sorrow, the ache behind replies.
I asked you for so little, to make this place feel true,
Not another passing guest, but a home belonging to you.

I never asked for grandeur, silver words, or gold,
Just honesty that lingers when the nights grow dark and cold.
A love that learns to settle, unwavering and smooth,
Not something born in chaos with a restless need to move.

’Cause the woman that I knew would always say her grace,
Whether Michelin stars or paper plates adorned the place.
There was beauty in your gratitude, a light so deeply true,
The kind that made the ordinary feel sacred when with you.

I was taken by your spirit, not the surface of your skin,
But the strength you carried quietly through storms you held within.
The way you’d stretch the little things and somehow make them last,
The honesty inside your eyes that never wore a mask.

And when you stood beside me, my whole world seemed to shift,
A glance from you could quiet storms and feel like heaven’s gift.
Beauty in its purest form, simplicity and grace,
As though the world grew softer every time I saw your face.

But somewhere in the silence, something slowly came undone,
Or maybe time just stole the warmth that once outshined the sun.
I only had a moment, perhaps a breath or two,
With the woman that I cherished before I started losing you.

I do not know the burdens or the wars you’ve fought alone,
The parts of you life altered in ways I’ve never known.
But that is not the woman my heart still reaches through,
The one whose quiet goodness made me believe in something true.

I stayed through every fracture, through the waiting and the ache,
Still hoping deep inside you, she’d somehow reawaken.
But truth does not ask permission, nor pain pretend for you,
The woman I learned to love…
Is not the woman I once knew.

I am trying to turn the focus from my ex and onto myself. Looking for advice/info about what you did to get yourself out of the hole and feeling more confident and happy. Certain exercises or foods, books you read, daily habits, activities you started or joined that made a difference? Please give details for the rest of us so we can join you on the other side of the grief!

I don’t know who else to talk to about this but maybe herring other people experience will help me. I’ve been with this guy for five years and he’s in the military(I was with him for 1-2 years before we got married then got divorced and then separated for 3 months. Then got back together for another 3 years) and he’s was be distant and wasn’t answering none of his phone calls or texts for almost two months and I’m thinking he can’t answer because of his job or something bad happened but no… I just found out he’s was fucking cheating on me… he made me seeming like was some crazy gf that was blowing up his phone. HE NEVER CALLED OR TEXT SAYING THAT HE BROKE UP WITH ME…OTHER WISE I WOULD HAVE LEFT HIM THE FUCK ALONE…. I’ve been SH free for three years now and I’m really trying hard not to relapse but this fucking cheating ass B**** just did this diabolical shit to me and idk what to do rn… I cried so much to where I can’t cry anymore but I can’t sleep either.

I'm not don't well. I need to get out of the house. I need to cry in my drive to work. I uninstalled the last way to talk to her. I'm letting her go because she let us go months ago

I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced this specific kind of heartbreak. It feels so embarassing because I’m not a teenager I’m in my 30s. It just truly aches and it’s so hard to not think if I was just enough things would be different. I know someone thinks I’m enough but it really hurts that it’s not them.

As the title says. I've been with my boyfriend since I was 20, and he was 21. I don't know where to start, but this hasn't been the healthiest relationship. For context we don't live together and never have. We live about 20 minutes away from each other. I always have driven to his place, he hasn't done the same with me because he doesn't have a car or a license. We also recently broke up in Aug 2025, got back together mid September 2025, and broke up again Nov 2025 (I ended it, was very depressed and he didn't show up in a way I needed and it was bad) and he asked for another chance January 2026. I told him January that we need couples therapy. Non negotiable. That this time I want a genuine healthy relationship where we can be our full selves. He agreed at the time.

The reason for the couples therapy is because he emotionally cheated on me 3 years ago, and I never fully healed from it, and we both went through a traumatic experience in September 2025 before we got back together (a long story). I forgot to add that he also is the type to do 'whataboutism' I just discovered the wording for that recently. Anytime I discuss my issues on what bothered me, he HAS to turn it around and make it about him and how HE feels or what I did to bother him. This is so exhausting.

Alright so our routine is we call each other nightly to talk about our day or play some online games together and most importantly, we say good night to each other. The other night he called, and I missed it- I was in the shower. I called him back maybe 20 minutes later and he didn't answer. I ended up falling asleep without sending a text or anything. This was around 10:30pm.

I woke up around 7am to 30+ missed calls from him in total. Some at 11:30pm, and the rest at 12am. I texted him good morning and sorry I was asleep that I'd call him later. I saw he sent me texts too that seemed to be guilt tripping me. He said he tried, and will be going to bed 'good night less', and that I could've said goodnight/I love you.

Ngl this freaked me out. He did this one time before years ago, and I told him I'm a morning person and that my work comes first since I have to get up early. So I go to sleep at a decent time and need my full 8hours other wise I take forever going back to sleep if I'm woken up. This was the first time he's done it since. I called him later that day to ask what his goal was in mind by calling me 30+ times. He said he wanted to wake me up, and admits he got obsessive, but wanted to be yearning. Like what couples want and how they yearn for each other and being romantic. I had to remind him what I told him years prior. This also had me looking at our relationship differently, so I told him to please not contact me for the next two days. He asked why? Is it because of us? I said yes, and I need time to think. He said why not just break my heart right now and you wanna make me wait instead? That's very childish. I said okay I guess I'm doing a childish thing. I just need to think properly, just please leave me alone. After the conversation, I saw he posted a passive aggressive note on his ig.

As I write all of this, I am thinking about the many other times we've had arguments, disagreements, the plenty of times he pulls the whataboutsim, the times we have talked, and just the other day we were talking and he said he didn't feel bad for homeless people, that they made bad decisions and landed where they are. That comment hurt me deeply. I literally live in a trailer, this guy lives with his parents, has a weed addiction, spends thousands of dollars on equipment for hobbies that he says will be his future. (Which is fine, I don't judge- this economy is ridiculous and you never know if someone will blow up and make it) So for him to make that disgusting comment just gave me a fat massive ICK. Who is he to judge when he isn't trying to grow up? It was such a cold, heartless comment and I just cannot genuinely believe he feels this way! Such entitlement.

Tbh I have huge resentment towards the emotional cheating that happened 3 years ago or honestly who knows how long it's been going on. He claims he barely remembers (how convenient) what he did. I only found out because I went through his phone and found the evidence. He never told me about her or when they hung out. I was nothing but loyal to him and was so in love with him. I still love and care for him but am realizing that love is not enough. He isn't going to change.

I know I need to walk away and get back into therapy for myself to heal inner childhood wounds, work on my self esteem, etc. so that I don't end up in another co dependent dynamic or whatever this is. I'm constantly miserable, super jealous (never was before I found out about the emotional cheating), and just my emotional needs are not met. I've told him multiple times we're supposed to be a team and it just feels like when we argue he wants to win or whatever I say is not good enough. I know I cannot and refuse to live the rest of my life this way. I don't want to wake up at 30 stuck with him being the same. I also know that I never would've done what he's done to me because I wouldn't hurt the person I love. I forgot to mention that he hasn't brought up couples therapy on his own at all unless we're arguing. He never takes the time to say hey babe how can we take the steps to get started? Something. I've done it once before when I was looking into therapists and he just brushed it off. Anyway his actions are just becoming louder and harder for me to ignore. I feel like he doesn't truly love or value me. My self esteem is completely shot and I said I've become more jealous and just not myself. I worry that he's gonna start flirting or emotionally cheat again.

Am I in the wrong? Was it childish of me to request a no contact for two days? Would I be doing the right thing? Any support or not support is welcome, I try to have an open mind and I truly appreciate any opinions/comments. Thank you!

TLDR: Debating on leaving my boyfriend of 8 years, requested to go no contact from him for two days (today is day 1). He has emotionally cheated on me, does whataboutism, and I'm honestly reaching a breaking point.

My ex and I were supposed to go to an event together. We broke up, we both still went separately. He didn’t want me to go anymore but I couldn’t get a refund and I liked the artist. I saw him from afar and didn’t say hi and as did he with me. He initiated the break up and wanted to go no contact and I sent a kind message the night before the concert and left it at that. He texted me afterwards saying that he wasn’t trying to be mean before but it was just tough seeing me. I didn’t respond bc I needed some time… very emotional weekend for me. When I do go to respond I see I’m actually blocked on every platform you can think of. Today I got a message from him saying that the block was for him because he is trying to move on. I can’t help but overthink why did he need to block me like this but didn’t block any of his other exes? And like crazy in me is all.. he is going to come back. Can someone give me some insight on why I would be the one to be blocked compared to other exes??

I dated a guy for 4 months. We had a very strong connection, same interests, similar values, etc. We got on well pretty fast. Even though we never were boyfriend and girlfriend “formally”, we basically played or acted like we were.
After those 4 months he slowly started teasing that he couldn’t keep on going with the relationship because of his personal life. In his words, he didn’t want to drag me to his problems and wanted to keep me “safe”. It is true that he has a complex life, but it would never occur to me that he would let go of us just because of that. However, i know that he is scared of getting hurt again because of his past relationship and I believe that is a huge factor of why he didn’t want to commit. In spite of that, he’s still in contact with his ex.
When he broke up with me he made clear that he really cared about me and valued me as a person, and because of that he wanted to remain friends. What does that even mean? Would he eventually want to get back together?
In this point in time we are friends who eventually hang out, but it feels as if nothing changed. Sometimes we simply hang out and others we end up hooking up.
have you guys ever been in this situation? what do you think made him make that decision?

Good day all have u ever had your heart played with like it was a toy I have to have it ripped out with no explanation is a hole another type of pain

How does one cope please leave a comment on how u got through it i hope u have a nice day

i was engaged to my ex and we were together for two years. Before me, there was another girl in his life .. the only girl he had ever dated in middle school.. and from what I knew, he had been attached to or after her for around eight years after she left him.. During our relationship, there were a few times when I caught him stalking or checking up on her, but every time he begged for forgiveness, reassured me that it meant nothing, and insisted that she was not important to him. What made me believe him even more was that throughout our relationship, he would speak negatively about her, slut shame her, and call her really harsh names in front of me, so I genuinely never thought he still cared about her in any way.
Then after two years together and getting engaged, the moment he left me, he went back to her. That is what keeps eating at me because I can’t stop wondering what that actually means. Did he truly love me and our relationship, because there were a lot of things that he did that would make anyone think that way.. or was I unknowingly just a placeholder until things with her happened again? Does he genuinely love and respect her?, or was there something else behind going back to someone he seemed to hold onto for so many years?.. i can’t get it off my head because even that girl knew how much he slut shamed her with everyone and she is still with him despite all this.. mind you she used to be my friend but after a few times she dissed mine and his relationship, and made fun of me in-front of others, i ended it with her.. now they both are going in vacations and posting each other about how happy they are! i am over him but not over this situation.. someone please give me their perspective