r/heartbreak

I’m 18, and I recently went through what felt like my first real relationship. I’m not looking for people to give me false hope or tell me what I want to hear. I just want honest perspectives from people looking at the situation from the outside.When we first started talking, things felt really natural. We’d spend hours talking, confide in each other about personal things, and I genuinely felt like we trusted each other. We built a strong emotional connection, and I honestly thought we were heading toward something serious.Early on, she described me as sweet and shy. She also told me she’s attracted to guys who are more dominant, confident, and assertive. She liked someone who naturally took the lead, wasn’t afraid to put her in her place if she got an attitude, and had a stronger presence.
One thing that stuck with me was when we kissed. She told me I didn’t really know how to kiss and explained that she preferred slower, more intimate kissing. I didn’t take that as an insult—I saw it as her telling me what she liked so I could learn.
There were other moments too. We’d be at the park together, and I’d want to hold her hand, kiss her more, or be more physically affectionate, but I’d get nervous and hesitate instead of acting naturally. Looking back, I think I was in my own head because I hadn’t been in a relationship in a long time.
The frustrating part is that I feel like I was growing into that confidence. As I became more comfortable around her, I started taking more initiative. I invited her to the movies, planned dates, tried to lead more, and about two weeks before everything ended I took her to the movies because I genuinely believed we were still building something.
What I didn’t realize was that while I was becoming more emotionally invested, she had already started pulling away.Communication became inconsistent. Plans would fall through, and I noticed I was initiating most of the conversations and trying to make things happen.
Eventually I texted her and told her that I’d noticed I was the one initiating the conversations and plans, and I wanted clarity about where we stood.
That’s when she told me she wasn’t healed from her past, wasn’t ready for a relationship, and needed to put herself first. She said she didn’t want to string me along or make me wait for her.
During that conversation I stayed calm. I didn’t insult her or get angry. I tried to be understanding because I genuinely cared about her. Looking back, I probably came across as very reassuring because part of me was still hoping there might be a chance for us if she eventually healed.Then, nine days later, she reached back out to me on her own.She apologized for how everything happened, said she should’ve handled it differently, told me she genuinely cared about me, and gave me more clarity. She also explained that one thing that held her back was my confidence. She told me I was a handsome guy but that I never really saw it myself.
Again, during that conversation, I stayed respectful and understanding. I wasn’t trying to make her feel better on purpose—I think I was still hoping to preserve the connection because I cared about her so much.
Looking back now, I almost wonder if I came across more reassuring than I intended because I was trying to save something that was already over.The biggest thing I struggle with is feeling like she never got to see the version of me that was starting to come out. I feel like I was becoming more confident and assertive as I got comfortable with her, but by then she had already emotionally checked out.

How to unlove him?

Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. It wasn’t always a good relationship, he broke up with me a lot of times for small reasons, argued with me about things, invalidated my feelings, didn’t understand me, made me feel small and scared I could go on, I know it was really toxic. Whenever we broke up we always got back together, it was usually me begging myself back, he only tried once. Now he broke up with me again 4 days ago, and I’ve been crushed. It seems like this is really the end, he’s telling me things he never did before, I know it’s not the usual breakup. No matter what I’m saying to him, how many times I beg and apologize he just doesn’t care anymore. I’ll give a background to the recent breakup: I just got a new job, and I didn’t sleep much all week because of the stress and having to get used to the new sleeping schedules. At the end of the week, I really wanted to Facetime and I was asking for 1.5h. My mother called me a minute before he did so I couldn’t pick up the phone for him I let him know I’ll call him back in a few minutes and he just said Next time don’t ask to call if you’re unavailable. I called him back twice after 3 mins, no answer. He texts me saying not now and i still rang him up one more time. I know I shouldn’t have I just started panicking because of his passive aggressive last text he sent, and I was very stressed from the whole week. Then he says this was my last shot, we’re done I keep being disrespectful to him, I’m crying about my job when I just have to sit in an office doing nothing and that I got scammed 20 dollars and he lost thousands of dollars on stocks and my issues don’t really matter. I tried to talk to him, I tried to tell him my side and he just doesn’t listen and saying I’m wrong. I keep begging and writing long paragraphs and he keeps telling me nothing will change his mind. I stayed with him through so many shts, we had plans for the future, he’s the only person I ever opened up to like this and that’s it? he’s just gone? I just can’t accept this and I don’t know how I’m gonna move on. I don’t have anyone besides him, no friends no nothing. I know time is supposed to heal but I feel like I’ll carry all this with me forever. I’ll never get an apology from him and he will probably never acknowledge how much he hurt me and he’s just gonna live his happy life without me treating someone better. I’m so crushed and I feel so much regret and guilt, if someone was in the same situation as me could you give any advice? Thank you for reading all this🫶🏼

It’s been 1 month and 4 days.. and I’m having serious withdrawals. I got a new job. I should be happy but I just sleep the days away. I know in my heart and gut that there’s no one else for me. I feel worthless. Utterly worthless. I don’t want to ever date again. And won’t. No one could compare. I can’t bare myself like that again. I see their green eyes everywhere. 7 years of my life just like that. They’re in my dreams. Food tastes like cardboard. I can’t cope. I’ve become depressed. I broke no contact just to tell them I’m sorry. They don’t really go on there though. I don’t know why I’m posting this I just want it to stop. I can’t describe how much I love them. I wasn’t good enough..this is the worse pain I’ve ever experienced in my life.

I’m sorry for the dramatics. I hope life becomes kinder to you all.

You know what I’m the angriest about?
It’s not even the breakup anymore.
It’s the fact that I spent so much of our relationship trying to understand you while you were making it impossible for me to understand what was actually happening.
You looked me in the eyes and promised me you would never cheat on me.
You promised me you would never hurt me.
I believed you.
Not because I was naive, but because I loved you enough to trust the person standing in front of me.
Now I look back and wonder how much of our relationship I was the only one living in.
I spent months questioning myself.
Maybe it was your testosterone.
Maybe it was your depression.
Maybe it was stress.
Maybe I wasn’t attractive enough.
Maybe I was asking for too much.
Do you know what never crossed my mind?
That I was trying to solve problems while you were hiding the biggest ones from me.
I defended you.
To everyone.
Over and over again.
I gave you every benefit of the doubt I could possibly give another human being.
Meanwhile, I was being lied to.
Whether it was drugs, cheating, or anything else you chose not to tell me, you left me trying to build a relationship with someone who wasn’t giving me the full truth.
That is what I’m angry about.
I wasn’t given the chance to make informed decisions about my own life.
You made those decisions for me every time you chose secrecy over honesty.
And then…
After everything.
After I loved you.
After I moved my life because you said you needed me.
After I supported you emotionally, financially, physically.
After I dreamed with you.
After I gave you chances.
You accused me of stealing from you.
You called me manipulative.
Vindictive.
Pathetic.
You took one of the hardest things I’ve ever admitted to another person—that I’ve struggled with and have spent years in therapy trying to change—and you used it as a weapon to make sure nothing I said could ever be believed.
Do you have any idea how cruel that is?
I told you because I trusted you.
Not because I was handing you ammunition for the day you decided to hate me.
You know what hurts the most?
I wasn’t trying to destroy you.
Even after everything.
I was trying to separate peacefully.
I wanted to give you time to find a roommate.
I offered to let you keep the business.
I kept your phone active so you could transfer your number.
I answered your questions.
I kept everything in writing because that’s what you wanted.
And still…
I became the villain in your story.
Maybe that’s easier than admitting your own choices.
Maybe it’s easier to believe I manipulated everything than to sit with what you actually did.
I don’t know.
What I do know is this:
I deserved honesty.
I deserved fidelity.
I deserved a partner who didn’t make me question reality.
I deserved someone who didn’t make me wonder every day whether I was wanted.
I deserved someone who didn’t accuse me of crimes after I spent months trying to help them.
I deserved someone who protected my heart the way I tried to protect theirs.
And despite all of this…
I still don’t hate you.
I hate what happened.
I hate what drugs may have taken from you.
I hate what lies took from us.
I hate that I had to bury the future I thought we were building.
But I don’t hate you.
I pity the version of you that chose secrecy over honesty.
Because one day, if you ever become truly sober, truly honest, and truly willing to look at yourself without excuses…
You’re going to have to live with the fact that someone loved you enough to build an entire future beside you.
And you traded that future for choices that destroyed the very thing you claimed mattered most.
That’s the tragedy.
Not that I left.
That I finally had to.
— The woman who loved you enough to stay far longer than she should have.

So basically, i met this guy 4 months ago and we got into a relationship 3 months ago, let's call him "Y" Last night he told me that we don't have a future together because his family is strict and they won't approve of us. I was devastated, angry and hurt. I told him he shouldn't have come close to me, kiss me, touch me (we didn't have sex btw) when he knew we don't have a future together and he should've told me this sooner and basically at the start of the relationship. It was very unfair. Also my past relationship was not good at all, let's call him 'X' , he cheated on me, mentally and emotionally harrassed me, slapped me, he completely ruined my mental health.

So the worst part is I already told Y about X and I told him multiple times that don't keep me in the dark, don't hurt me, he knew that I'm thinking about the future and that's why I was ready to get into this relationship but he still chose not to tell me that we don't have a future together at all.. I feel betrayed again.

Am I overthinking?

I 29F ended things with my boyfriend 29M of 8 months. It was going on since 2 months, and I just needed basic communication from him. Like text me or call me atleast once a day. I know its not normal that a couple speaks once in four days. We work in the same team in the office, and I know no one is too busy to talk. Everything was good for the initial six months. And i dont know what happened that this distance came between us. And every time i spoke to him he said everything is fine. There’s no distance and all that. And everytime he said he will try more. But its been 2 months now and nothing changed. Last week i gathered all my courage and said i wanted to end the relationship as I cannot be with someone who thinks its okay to not speak for like a week. When i went home 3 weeks ago, he didnt even ask whether I landed or not. But when I was ending it, he told me I can fix it just trust me. Everything is fine between us. He even said I know you are leaving but I will bring you back. Its been a week now, nothing changed. I dont reach out, and he hasnt even called me or texted me even once.

Just need a man’s perspective that what is going on???

My ex and I are both 17. We dated for about a year and it was the first serious relationship for both of us. He was my first boyfriend, my first sexual partner, I met his family, we went on trips together, and we built a really strong connection. Throughout the relationship he constantly told me I was the person he had loved the most, that he had never met anyone like me, that he wanted to marry me, and that he had never felt such a deep connection with anyone before.
During the relationship, however, he would sometimes tell me he felt confused and had doubts. Eventually he broke up with me.
About a week after the breakup we started talking again and got closer, but nothing really came from it. Some time later we reconnected again, this time much more seriously. We went on several dates, spent a lot of time together, became intimate again, and honestly it almost felt like we were back together.
The strange part was that whenever we were together in person, everything felt perfect. He was affectionate, loving, playful and genuinely happy to be with me. It honestly felt like he was completely in love with me whenever we were together.
However, as soon as we went home, everything changed. He became distant, texted less, almost disappeared, and told me he still didn’t know what he wanted. It was as if he could only enjoy the relationship while we were physically together, but once he was alone, all of his doubts returned and he pulled away again. This pattern happened more than once.
A few days ago I called him because I didn’t want to lose our connection completely, and we ended up having a serious conversation.
He told me that right now he doesn’t think we can be friends because there are still feelings on both sides. He said that if we keep talking, it creates false hope for both of us, not just for me. He also said we need time to get used to things as they are and learn to see each other differently because we were never just friends. At one point he even said something like, “I don’t randomly call my female friends to check if they’re okay, so it would feel weird.”
He wasn’t rude and he never said he never wanted to see me again. He just said that, at least for now, he thinks distance is the healthiest option.
Ironically, today he texted me first asking if I was okay. We had a short, normal conversation about football and our day. I asked him a couple of questions back, but then he stopped replying. That left me even more confused because I don’t understand why he reaches out, starts a conversation and then disappears.
I’m still deeply in love with him and I’m torn. Part of me feels like our story isn’t really over because he admitted there are still feelings on both sides, and because every time we’ve taken space before, we’ve somehow found our way back to each other. Another part of me is scared that I’m just holding onto hope.
My question is: how would you interpret this behavior? How can someone seem so happy, loving and connected when we’re together in person, but then go home, become distant and question the relationship again? And how would you interpret him reaching out to check on me, only to disappear again during the conversation? Does this sound like someone who is genuinely confused and needs space, or someone who has already made up his mind but is trying to let me down gently?

Should i contact her 2 years from today.
I am M24 currently preparing for exams. So i met her 2 years ago on a trip, later the relationship started. Was LDR 1 year post the relationship she moved out from her hometown to a new city. 6 months post that she got into a relationship with a guy there.
I found out when i went to meet her as a surprise. After that i walked out of her, 6 months no contact. Yet as i am kinda stuck in the preparation and not doing anything perse apart from it. Therefore still stuck on her. She was my first girlfriend. I was her third bf.
So now i sometimes think of contacting her 2 years from now. When hopefully i would be doing something in life. Just to check what happened to her and if she ever married that guy
Is there anybody who was in my shoes. Did you ever contacted your ex and with time they became irrelevant to do so?(i hope this happens with me)

I remember him pointing out how his ex and his colleague had a lotttt (emphasis on a lot) of guys chasing them. Then, after a year, he recently tried to diminish my worth by asking, in such a cunning tone, "Who chases you?"

God, I was devastated.i allready struggled sooo much in this relationship and comparison etc

I had done so much for him. Because he wanted to be with me, I kept giving him chances. He didn't block his ex or his colleague for me, but I did so much whenever he felt insecure about my male friends.

And then he did this to me.

I'm trying to heal myself, but I don't know how someone I loved so much could constantly praise other women while putting me down like this.

His own bestfriend fell for me.. but he'll just push me down and down

I'm just dumb, and I hate this for myself.

He even looked at other women all the time... checked out every fucking girl walking by.

I hope life humbles him I get so angry and rageful sometimes idk how to heal

My ex-girlfriend (27F) broke up with me in end February and while I was sad the first 1.5 months, I never really did anything embarrassing besides just texting her a few times about how I've changed and want her back. After saying no to me, eventually, she blocked me everywhere and that is when this whole thing started.

After the block, since I couldn't message her anywhere, I started sending gifts to her apartment. This lasted for over a month where I would send something to her place every 2-3 days. Usually, it would be a Sephora gift, a really fancy bouquet, plushies, or something that I remember she liked in the relationship. She buzzed in the delivery driver for all of those gift deliveries so I thought she was appreciating the gifts. Sometimes, I would also send in hand-written/hand-drawn letters along with the gifts. I probably spent ~$3000 on this.

This lasted till mid-May when she unblocked and called me to tell me to stop the gifts, how they were "too cheap and annoying," and that if I really miss her, I should just send money to her bank account instead. She also made a comment about how her family is really rich and that in a relationship, the guy should be spending more on their girlfriend (implying that I didn't spend enough on her). She also bragged about how I don't know how "popular" she is and that it was her mistake dating me in the first place which made me feel like she is better than me and that I missed out on an amazing person. Needless to say, I was really hurt by all of this and did not intend to send her anything after that. All the people I talked to also told me not to do that. Unfortunately, a week later, I caved in and sent her $2000 along with a personal message on how I hope that the money transfer shows that I'm willing to spend on her if she wants me to. Since then, I've been sending her money periodically and at this point, I have sent her around $30,000 in total. I am still blocked everywhere.

In addition to all this, I also started going to online "psychics" in end-April which has become my biggest addiction. They tell me how she regrets the breakup, how she's just being stubborn and is going to come back. Between April and now, I have spent almost $100,000 on psychics and while NOT A SINGLE prediction has come true, I still continue to call them everyday to check how my ex is feeling and they continue telling me we will reconcile this summer. The false hope feels nice in the moment until I realize how much I spent. Some of these psychics have the audacity to charge $25/minute because gullible people like me will pay for it...

That is $130,000 in total and was essentially over half my life savings. I have maxed out all my credit cards. I really really regret this now and wish I spent this money on a nice car or a bunch of vacations or literally anything else. What's worse is that I cannot stop and still keep sending her money or wasting it on psychics...

I hope to come back to this post in a few months and see this from a better place.

I just want to vent. My boyfriend is graduating this month, but I wasn’t invited to his graduation. He keeps telling me about his plans for the day—how he’ll be celebrating, drinking with his friends and guests—but I’m not included in any of it.
We’ve had an on-and-off relationship, and because of that, my reputation was badly damaged with his family. They think poorly of me now. So I’ve just accepted that he’s keeping me a secret and is embarrassed to be seen with me.
I guess I’m just looking for some advice. What should I do?

When we're together, especially when cuddling or sleeping together, the world feels right.

But there's a good chance it won't work out. All of me is hopeful but part of me is already mourning.

​

The person I was dating exclusively for 3 months just randomly stopped texting and is ignoring my calls.. for a week now. I think my boyfriend just ghosted me. I'm in my 30s and was taking this seriously, we talked everyday for months, he reassured me, told me he loved me and I loved him. He was here and in my bed just one week ago.. I'm devastated this feels so cruel.

Also his phone is still on and I saw a few messages I sent were read days later, so I don't have a reason to believe something tragic happened

I drink damnation so there’s no way out of this one for me! I’m already gonna leave soon!

The pain is too heavy to carry! I’m ready to leave this earth right now! I choose chaos and death! I told you over and over again you can’t be with nobody!

I (23f) was together with my baby’s father (22m) for three years. We broke up officially back in the end of March when I found out he had slept with his ex while we were trying to work things out. I left and moved back in with my family. A month ago, he came back begging me to forgive him and give him another chance and that he would change.

for some context: when i met him, we were attached to each other from the jump, and 2 weeks later he asked me to be his girlfriend. he was extremely controlling and insecure our entire relationship. he constantly started arguments, didn’t allow me to have male friends, go out without him, wear certain clothes, etc… things like that. He was extremely toxic, but at the same time could be extremely loving and caring like buying me flowers all the time, writing me handwritten love letters, spoiling me with gifts.

I decided to give him the chance, worst mistake of my life. not only did he do nothing to change, but he didn’t put in any effort, and then randomly 2 weeks later after begging for me, he told me he didn’t want to do this and couldn’t be in a relationship right now. All my healing from the last 2 months went out the window and I lost it and begged him to please try, that I would wait for him, all that bs. He said he didn’t see a future with me and that rekindling our spark was like starting a fire in the snow. I was so blindsided because how do you just overnight decide you don’t love me anymore after begging me to take you back? He told me he couldn’t be in a relationship right now, his mind is in the gutter and he needs to work on himself.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that he has now asked another girl to be his girlfriend, TWO weeks later. He met a girl 2 weeks ago, and now has made it official with her with a huge bouquet of flowers that said “Life isn’t life without you.”

I am so distraught by this. Two weeks ago, he told me he couldn’t be in a relationship after begging for me and wanting our family back together, and wanting to marry me. And now just like that, he has thrown away not only me, but our entire relationship, our literal family, everything, for a new girl. None of it makes sense and my brain cannot understand this. My feelings are like just frozen right now, because I can’t process it or i don’t know what to feel. I gave him everything, he literally held my hand as I birthed his daughter, we had it all. And just like that he left me and moved on to someone he just met in 2 weeks. None of it make sense, and it feels like our relationship was never real. My mind is spiraling realizing that I don’t think he ever loved me, that our entire relationship was only real to me.