u/chronicpaingrly

I want to reach out to him so bad. It’s been 4 months since we stopped talking. I miss him every day. All i think about is him. I hate it.

I want to apologize. I want to tell him I know my behavior was wrong. I want to tell him this situation made me realize I have work to do and get closer to God. I want to tell him I’ll be better.

I have CPTSD and it’s caused me to be so hyper vigilant that I self sabotage good things. I am mad at myself. I’m mad at my trauma. I’m mad that healing is so hard. I’m mad that he didn’t give me the understanding I deserve. I’m mad that I fucked this up. I want to talk to him so bad. I want to have a conversation. I want to discuss what happened. I want to fix things. I can’t go on like this.

It’s been over 4 months since we stopped talking, but I can’t get him off my mind. Every day. Every day I think about him. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. But clearly he does not want me.

How do I leave it and move on? How do I stop replaying shit in my head? It’s causing me to not even want to try with anyone new. I wanted him. He was everything I dreamed of. And i messed it up because of my past trauma. I feel like shit. I keep getting mad at myself for fucking it up. I don’t want anyone else but him.

I’m blocked. Can’t even reach out. It’s killing me. I feel so shitty about myself. I feel so lonely. I feel like I’ll never feel this much about anyone else. It hurts. I’m lonely as fuck. And all I want is someone who doesn’t want me.

27F
I have monocular vision. Only one eye works at a time and my brain favors the right one.

I have really bad back issues and posture problems. I think my brain has shifted my sense of center based off the vision from my right eye. I’m in pain all the time. I have degenerative disc disease in my back and it’s physically noticeable the my right side is favored. I feel like i don’t have a sense of my left side? If that makes sense?

Who can I see to help with this? I’m worried there’s something more serious that needs to be addressed? I’m not sure why my eyes ended up this way. I was told as a child i had a really high fever but wasn’t taken to get medical care. I was also told i was dropped a few times as a baby. My eyes started crossing at the age of 1-2. Had surgery then the left eye went outwards. Had surgery again at 16 just for appearance purposes (i was very self conscious, it was very noticeable).

I just got my first steroid pain injection yesterday in my L4-L5 and L5-S1 and woah.

27F have had chronic back pain since I was 16ish (probably younger too). I have degenerative disc disease in my cervical and lumbar spine with herniated discs compressing my spinal cord and nerves. I’ve been to physical therapy many times on and off for the past 10 years. I have clinical depression and CPTSD, which has made it hard to be consistent with the workouts. The pain after doing some exercises also stopped me from doing them. If i did one wrong movement, I would be screwed for a week.

The injection was a very interesting and kinda painful experience. It was super fast. The pain only lasted like 15 seconds but good lord I’ve never felt anything like that. I was shaking for like 5 minutes because of it. It felt like strong pins and needles down my entire right leg to my big toe. But i feel great today and don’t feel much pain at all.

I’m really hoping this will work enough for me to get back to a good gym routine to strengthen my core. I can’t live in pain like this anymore. It’s debilitating and has held me back from living a good life. I’m scared of how I’ll feel when I’m older.

Im really trying to take better care of myself. Any tips would be appreciated.

A friend asked “is there any sun or hope in that mind of yours?” and honestly… i don’t think there ever was or ever will be.

Does it ever get better? Will I ever be able to heal from all the trauma? Will I ever stop being so hyper vigilant? It’s ruining my life. I don’t know how much longer I can suffer like this. I don’t know how to communicate. I ruin good things for myself. All i do is self sabotage. I’m so exhausted.

I am really starting to lose it. I don’t ever want to fall for someone ever again because this has been so so painful. I’m slightly on the spectrum and have big feelings. I’ve been hurt/lied to in the past (by family, friends, strangers, etc) so I have a lot of walls up. I’m aware of this and have been working so hard to build trust again, but now I feel like it’s even worse.

Backstory:
After a really rough beginning of the year, I (27F) met this guy (27M) and immediately hit it off with him. Would text nonstop every day. Went on a handful of dates and everything was so so good. I thought I found the man of my dreams who I’d be with forever. I looked forward to a future with him. And from the way he was communicating, it felt the feeling was mutual. I had never felt a connection this strong.

But then when he suddenly bailed last minute for our date (he said he got stuck helping his sister with something), I reacted out of hurt… which ended up causing me to lose him. I said something completely irrelevant and not okay (said I wasn’t going to compete with his sisters to spend time with him….) , but I apologized so many times and explained it was from hurt and I knew I was wrong for it. After a few days of texting a bit and trying to explain to him why I reacted the way I did (trauma, previous experiences) he blocked me out of the blue. I am an over communicator and I will do whatever it takes to try to fix something. I guess I just scared him away, but I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again. I cry almost every day because I miss what we had and what we could’ve been. I don’t know how to move on. I’ve tried putting myself out there to meet other men, but all I do is think about him. All i want is him. And I’ve never wanted someone so much.

I feel so shitty about myself. I don’t mean anyone harm. I do the most I can to not hurt others. I stay to myself. I rarely date or let anyone new into my life. I tried, and now I’m even more distraught than ever.

I know it’s too much pressure to put on someone, but I needed him. I had recently lost my dad unexpectedly and was feeling really alone, and when he came into my life, I felt joy for the first time in months. It felt like a breath of fresh air. So when he abruptly blocked me, my entire nervous system crashed. It took 2 months of me changing my antidepressants, finding a new therapist, starting new routines, to slightly get my nervous system back to rhythm. But as you can see.. i am still stuck on him and struggling to move on. Every day I think about him. About what we had, what we could’ve been. I’ve been forcing myself to go out more but even then he’s still on my mind.

How do you move on? How do you let go? How do you stop wanting to reach out to try to fix things? I can’t go on like this. It’s debilitating.

Any Richmonders into textiles? My family owns a handmade carpet business (in DC) with carpets made from all over the world (never machine made, vegetable dyed). I’m wondering if opening a pop up or show casing some rugs at a flea market would be good here in Richmond. Of course they are on the pricier side since they’re all handmade.

Thoughts?

*not selling anything just looking for feedback*

My father unexpectedly passed away on January 1st, and we recently discovered the attorney he had been working with was apparently not licensed in Virginia or DC, where my dad owned property.

There was no finalized signed will before he passed, probate hasn’t even been opened yet, and this person is still contacting our family and sending invoices totaling around $20,000.

We’re trying to figure out:
- Is this something we should report?
- Who would we report it to?
- Can someone practice or bill for estate-related work without being licensed in the state?
- Has anyone dealt with something similar after a family member passed?

This whole situation has been overwhelming, and we’re just trying to protect my dad’s estate and understand our options. Any advice would be appreciated.