r/AdultDepression

I’m a 27 year old female with a 6 year old daughter.

I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I come from a very large family, the oldest girl of 13 kids. I have always been the “black sheep” of the family with the way I’ve acted down to my skin color. I’m Hispanic but they’d always make fun of how dark I was.

Anyways, I am preparing to kill myself.

I have been thinking of ways to do it and I have finally come up with the right one.

I have been taking antidepressants for my anxiety. Unfortunately it has made me really depressed. I have not been to work in almost three weeks now. I have not showered in 3 days now and I am over life.

I come here today because I can’t bring myself to write any letters to anyone separately but I have a strong urge to write. So this is why I’m writing this today.

To my daughter, mama loves you so much and I hope in the next life I am better. You mean absolutely everything to me & I am so honored to have been your mom for the time we had together. Live your life to the fullest baby. Go to college, travel the world, sing your heart out to every song I once loved, remember the good times we had together.

To my brother Noe, I love you. I am so sorry I will be putting you through this trauma but your little sister is so tired. Even from the other side I will always be your biggest fan, keep going brother. Take care of my baby.

To my mom, I love you. I am sorry.

Para mi papa, te quiero muncho viejo y perdóname.

To my sisters, Esmie, keep making your coffees and follow your dreams. I will always be right there with you. If cancer can’t keep you down, nothing can. You go girl! Martha keep being you. Take care of that baby boy. To Melanie, do better girl. You’re so beautiful and to smart to let a boy get the best of you. To Frances, Sofia, Muralla and Leslie .. girls, I am so sorry I wasn’t a better big sister. I hope you can forgive me and think about the good times I did have with you. I love you all.

To Jr we always are bumping heads because I don’t know how to shut up but look at the bright side! You can argue with me all you want now and I’ll have nothing to say.. lol. You’re a smart boy, leave the stupid shit alone and become someone big!
Moses, I am sorry for all the things I promised and didn’t keep. Thank you for making me feel like I was someone, like I mattered.
Matthew, take care of my baby girl. I am so proud of the father you are. Tell her how much I love her.
Joaquin, do your big one brother.. get out of here and take what the world has to offer you.
I love you my brothers.

Tia Panda, thank you for taking your time to talk to me today as I was blabbing on about how I was feeling. Thank you for the advice. Thank you for making me feel seen, heard and loved. After all was said and done, who would’ve known we’d be so close. I love you!

To my Aliyana, baby girl I am so sorry I hurt you. I wish we could’ve rekindled our relationship before I made the decision. I love you so much girly. I hope that in the next life I get to make things right and have us be as close as ever. Be good, take it easy on your dad.

To A, I loved you with everything I had left in me. Go home and go to the beach and think of me. When you see the cusp of the moon, remember how much I loved it.

Lastly, Nick, I am so sorry I have to do this to you. Take care of our daughter. Remind her how much I love her. Take her to see the world, protect her and love her. I know when you look at her, you’ll see me. You’re my dawg, I know this will be hard but keep your head up. Don’t give up. Live for our baby. I love you.

For my funeral, don’t have one.

I am somehow dealing with some issues.

I don't have a job and I have accepted that I will not get it now but for one day I will sure get a good job.

But while sleeping at night this no job tag keeps circulating in my head.

All my friends landed jobs but I didn't get any jobs.

And this thought just keeps coming in my mind.

I just stare at the wall and somehow time flows.

3 to 4 hours I am just looking at the wall with all this thought.

Sometimes I think ending life is much easier than this.

But then the face of parents comes to my mind.

Sometimes I think what a life we got.

We can't even die for ourselves cause we are literally living our life for others.

Even dying in peace is also not an option for today's generation.

You just had to pretend that you are fine and face. But I just lost all hope, while sleeping I just waste my 3 4 hours seeing wall and when I realise that I have wasted this time and try to sleep , I just wish everyday that I should not wake tomorrow just a natural death .

I don't know why this kind of things are coming.

Can someone help me

I can't stand my life anymore. 36 years old italian male, never worked, never finished school, 148 iq, 200kgs with hormonal problems, mounjaro helped a lot this last year, lost 50 kilos. Still I cannot find a job, surviving with the minimum wage the ridiculous Italian state concede. I don't have anything, any possible validation in life. I want this to end, one way or another. Lately I'm having anger issues as I never had before in my life. Everything makes me snap. I just try to refrain and limit myself to yelling and cussing versus god (not that I believe in him), but I am at the end of the rope here. I. simply. Cannot. Keep. Going. Like. This. I don't know if it's a cry for help or if I'm just at the end of my rope here. I just can't keep it like this. Sorry if it's the wrong place for this kind of message. I feel like exploding with rage towards myself.

So, after many years of finally keeping it to myself and only few people I have had enough courage to confide to, I want to finally open up to the world outside. Middle aged, not so young anymore but not so old. Have had bouts of depression throughout my life but lately I am just morally and mentally destroyed. I have no more desire to do anything, all hobbies do not excite me anymore, I am in bad mood at all times. I am very social and friendly but lately going out is a struggle, and I really force myself to go see my friends. 3 years ago I got this cat who is my world now. I am telling you, she is literally my life saver. Without her I would have probably just ended it by now. I live alone and work from home. Few relatives that I have are far away across different states and coasts. I do have chronic joint pains, and they are probably exacerbated by depression. I’ve joined a local pool league to at least meet new friends and get out of house but lately it seems like a chore and I am considering quitting as I no longer have passion, desire and even patience with the game. Even if I win, I feel aggravated, and when I lose, well, I feel like it is the end of the world. And there is another thing. The social media, it is driving me insane. It started quite innocent and sweet. I like watching funny and cute animal reels. But lately my feed has been filled with news and videos of animal abuse. It is something that makes my blood boil. I cry all the time and barely get any sleep, and I am frustrated by the lack of accountability or leniency that these evil bastards enjoy. I am limiting my social media presence now but I still can’t forget the things I’ve read and seen. And, despite having a lot of friends and acquaintances, I am very very lonely. So, here I am, a man in my early 50’s who is depressed beyond anything I have ever felt before. Thanks for listening. It actually makes me feel a bit better just typing it out.

All I do is work and drink. I have no life outside of that.

I tried helping my friends, i want to go college, i want to keep being happy but i just feel sad, depressed and hopeless. I just feel horrible for the people i care for and a burden of everything i ask. Im 18 but still act like a scared child that just seek comfort in cats and art because that's all i find what makes me happy. I want to tell my parents that im depressed and want to seek some help but they're just gonna tell me that theres "nothing wrong with me" but there is, im not perfect. Im crying and im tired.

I finally understand it

One thing about trash is that you can throw it away and someone else might find use for it, however trash is never valued and can never have value... I've always wondered why everyone used me, but never really loved me or cared too spend time with me, it's because im not valued nor do I have any value... time too get rid of the trash now

It’s like my mind can’t think of the words, I’m not witty, my mind is slow, I can’t hold a conversation, I’m not interesting, I feel brain damaged and boring which just makes my depression worse, does anyone else experience this? Is there a way to get my mind back to a happy social interesting place again?

The title says it all. 41m separated and lonely, no matter what I do, the moment I have downtime my mind goes to the worst places and I am finding it harder and harder to want to live. They say it gets better but it doesn't when you have clinical depression. Others may be able to survive but I am feeling like I am coming to the end of my days. I don't miss her but I miss having someone who i could talk to, hold, and spend some of my free time doing things with. Now my days are work, gym, shower, dinner, sleep. No actual leisure because when I do have off time all my mind does is go sad.

FINAL AND LAST POST:

38 Female

Im making final plans to end my life this Tuesday.

Life is becoming too heavy and overwhelming.

Life is getting harder with the cost of living and financial issues also.

I see no way forward .

I get no enjoyment out of life anymore. I just feel trapped been here. I suffered from mental health issues, since I was an teenage

I just wanted to get it off my chest , before I go.

I thought about this decison, for nearly a year and half. I dont have no motivation or dreams anymore

I just feel numb and empty.

I really feel at 37 life is really over .

I dont see a future anymore. Im at a dead end, with no way out. Monday is my final day here.

Hi, I'm from Germany 27 and everything in my lfie went wrong. I experienced domestic violence, was raped and can't find job since I lost my last 2 because of mental health issues. I'm now years later still dealing with depression and emotional dysregulation. I lost all my friends when I became severe depressed and nobody cared about my well being, I stopt eating and lost sadly at lot fo weight in short time which was very dangerous. When tried to eat anything besides raw rice, I started to puke. Sadly I don't have anyone, the rest of my family doesn't care at all. After just feeling down, nobody listening to me and no matter how hard I'm trying with therapy, eating healthier, nothing makes me feel better. So I wanna put an end to this nightmare.

I’m 22f I’m still in the cycle of mental abusive parents and I don’t know what to do anymore. They love seeing me suffer and want to see me fail.
Why they are like this? My dad stopped buying groceries as a way to emotionally control me. My mom doesn’t want me yet she wants her 6month old baby.
They weren’t there for me when I needed help as a kid and pushed and pulled me away now their winning argument is that I’m an adult and I need to act like it and grow up. I’ve always been in a mental spiral, anti depressants only help with my depression that turned into anger.
Am I crazy? Or are they driving me crazy? And I a rude and disgusting pathetic person or am I being convinced and provoked I am? I try and when I try things get better and then something happens and I’m in the hands of my parents again. I’m scared. I don’t want to be homeless, but I don’t want to live with my manipulative lying narcissistic mentally/verbally/emotionally abusive pervert creep dad. I want to live with my mom but she’s in a weird subconscious but obvious competition with me, her fiancé is a creep too and she saw it so she doesn’t want me anymore. I’m exhausted and I feel like I can’t breathe. I have a life plan don’t get me wrong but every time I do something to get there something happens, I had a truck and I got into my very first accident. My dad has a mechanic shop and said he can find the parts and fix it, that was a month and half ago… he’s been saying he’s waiting for the parts or his workers haven’t been in work and he hasn’t been able to get started on it but he has everything just missing 1 part or suddenly he couldn’t find any of the parts and he only has 1 or he doesn’t have the money for the parts or his bank is frozen so he can’t buy the parts but he has the money and lastly, he just needs $800 to fix it. I understand wut he’s trying to do, he’s trying to fight me into getting a job and paying those 800 but bro is just greedy as fuck, also I have tried, I work food service and I haven’t been able to find a job anywhere near me or that’s cheap to Lyft to🧍🏽‍♀️on top of all of this my dog got ran over or he’s with someone??? Idk he went missing idek how long ago atp I’m so depressed. The morning he got out I ran home to ask my dad for his truck to go after my dog but he spent 30 min yelling at me saying I’m a shitty person and I’m so entitled thinking I can ask him for his truck when all I needed is to go down the block. I was running after them without shoes and they just kept booking it towards a busy main road. He spent an additional 15 minutes of getting ready for work and then we finally went out to look for my dog. We never found him 💔💔
Bruh
I’m so 🫩
I also think I’m scared to get a job again cuz I got sexually assaulted and harassed at my previous job, I reported it and they fired me 🧍🏽‍♀️

Please I’m so fucking tired why is the universe cursing me? I feel like a 10 year old and a 40 year old at the same time

I have no friends, I lost them in covid and the friends I make along the way are not the right kind of people I would like to be around, I’ve been Shmokin since I was 12 and I want to stop so badly but when it’s around me or my friends offer I fail myself and end up getting back into it

I’m not that much of a fuck up tho I’m in college for applied science of culinary arts, I start in September..

Any advice? Also pls don’t judge me im autistic level 2 with ADD, major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, and Cptsd.

Also im in therapy I have been since 2021, I also got into a psychology hyper fixation from 17 to like 20 and now im a burnt out broke loser dumbass 22 year old🧍🏽‍♀️

I have a bunch of health issues, and a demanding, mentally draining career with little free time. My family sucks, I don't like my friends anymore. Relationships have never worked out for me. I have autoimmune skin issues, a testicle that's receded, partial blindness, sports injuries to my hip and my shoulder from overtraining in my youth. I'm in physical and emotional pain 24/7 and there really is no medical solution to any of it. And I'm only 32 years old. I just want to die. What can make this shit possibly worth it? Money doesn't motivate me, I have plenty. I don't really want free time, because I just focus on how shitty everything is and get depressed. I am recently sober (a few months) and it blows. I hate my job as a cpa. I tried making a career in music but it turned into shit. I don't want to exist. I wish I never did.

I will always be a loser and have a cleaning job and people bullying and lecture me of how I do my job . People got better jobs not me I do cleaning jobs 2 days a week for 3 hours . And my family complains that I don't work a lot of hours .

Got fired from one job and got almost fired from 2 jobs . Voc rehab is asking me what do you need help with nothing I wish people would stop bothering and leave me alone. I have been dealing with everyone's bullshit from voc rehab, bosses , co workers and family I am tired of it . People complain that I work 2 days a week and people complain that I am never home .

I never have a good day I have a good day once and twice a year it's back to hell . I am having stressful thoughts about people bothering me and won't leave me alone and people are yelling at me and someone else. My stress levels are high . Everywhere I go people always pick on me and bully me .

Today has been incredibly hard , my thoughts and mood is the darkest they’ve been for awhile now, extreme feeling of being dismissed as a person , that my exsistence is a burden on everyone . Then coming home to nothing or anyone .

Feeling suicidal and don’t know what to do, help is greatly apreciated

Anyone else feel so depressed that they’re too scared to take their own life but just hopes something bad happens to them and would just want to rest peacefully?

Nothing is for me
Therapists won’t help
Im broke
Im alone
I have literally no one
I have no one to trust
And I’d rather sit here than be let down again trying.
I’ve never had anything in my life go right. Not one thing
I’ve experienced nothing in life but bs after bs
I’m just smart enough to realize it and wallow in it.
Idk what to do anymore. I guessed if I wanted to have a no life I might as well just give my life to the world. Go volunteer or something. I have no more reason to try and work on myself or my life. To want anything more. I already live in a first world country, I mean there’s no where else to go.
I really just wanted at least a partner but I get that I’m too depressed and bitchy to have anyone want to be around me. Ppl just see me as very negative, bitchy , cynical, stubborn.
I don’t blame anyone
I can see why no one would believe that all these things keep happening to me no matter how much I try. I get that too. I wouldn’t believe me either.
I just wasn’t made for this.

Please no reassurance, it deeply annoys me.
Do other people maybe have ideas on how to start a new useful life ?