r/AdultDepression

For me my life's getting sick day by day. Firstly regarding everything I'm been depressed alot. From 2020 it's getting more sick. First dad died due to cancer then alot of debt. Consoling them and doing part time jobs and side by side promoting gambling. Then first girlfriend had sex with someone and she married that guy. Then part time school job ruined, my paper was rejected in 2024 and started a startup Fintech company but my friends scammed me and I was the victim. Got case, arrested and then another relationship was then she also left. Got in jail. House mobbed by own brother and then I've to left home city after giving 20 lacs(selling house to brother, loans and all). Then visited new city. Doing freelancing, tuition, zomato, art teaching writing poetry but no friends I've. Suffering from mental and physical pains. Got icu.. no-one have to talk. Then my mom's brother was in debt and run away his money lenders also run to me and I've fixed it. On my own I've to pay school fees of sisters( daughters of my mother brother), roomrent of two(us and their), grocery, my medicine, bank emi..every month is not possible. Feeling like suicidal. Tried earlier but not so long. Anxiety panick and everything fucked alot. I just gave up a summary;) now I need money to borrow but don't know whom to say. Everyone runs to me but where I should go! I know I'll have money in next month but what till then? What should I do? Anyone will loan me? No! Can I go to psychiatrist! No. Can I cope up! No. Can my anxiety and schizophrenia will turn out? No. Can my blood vomiting! No. I just have to die. I can't live. Noone fucking loves me. Give me suggestions

M, 28. Yes, you read it right. Things haven’t been right for the past few months. I was doing very well while working on a cruise ship. Life was good — I was traveling and working at the same time, and it kept my mind stable.

When I came back, my parents told me not to return because they were uncertain about ship life and the long distance. So I respected their decision. After doing a lot of research, I decided to start a franchised QSR setup.

I took some money from my dad as an investment, but I lost it all in trading, and now I have multiple loans. I don’t know what to do anymore. Every day I wake up with anxiety, restlessness, and constant thoughts of ending my life.

I didn’t just lose money — I lost the faith my parents had in me.

Just looking for na outlet and don’t know what to say really, but the feeling of having no purpose but work and come home to nothing is getting the best of me. The only things that makes me feel something is buying something filling the void with empty object that last for just a week or a few. This thing I call life is getting tiring and pointless

What should I do? Help me out

Why not let me die and let someone with a middle class income that could benefit from antidepressants have them? I have no worth to society or anyone in it. I wake every morning wishing I hadn't

TW: Grief/ death

27 (F). I feel slightly embarrassed posting this. I am a girl in her late 20s, i have a good job, a loving partner, and live in a beautiful place with friends around me. But I have been so so utterly depressed for years and i have no idea what to do.

I have been through serious trauma in my life. From the age of around 10, I have experienced a lot of death, at this age, I held my dead baby cousin in my arms, and as a late teen watched my first love get a rare cancer and die. I was next to him when he died. My relationship with my mother, who also now has cancer, is extremely turbulent; we have gone periods without speaking before. I have had extremely bad and toxic relationships filled with cheating, low-level emotional abuse and manipulation. And some other things I won't go into... sorry for the 'trauma dump'

The thing is, I have got through these moments, and I have healed myself in what seems like the 'right' ways. I have gone to therapy, been on medication, and a few years ago used nature as my therapy. I learned a lot about the world from mycelium networks, and the way nature works in seasons and cycles. It comforted me in my grief.

But my depression never seems to fully leave or be healed. I am at a point now where I feel like I have hit a wall. I can't seem to connect to nature in the same way. Every time I feel like i learn more about myself i seem to lose myself again. I feel like I can't converse properly with people who are not my closest friends. I can't enjoy my job, in fact i hate it even though it is good money. And i feel like i get so triggered by anything at the moment. Sometimes i will be walking down the street and see a car and all the dead people i have ever seen just become so visual in my mind. I have never even had anything to do with a car crash/

I don't really know what the point of me posting this is but I struggle so much opening up irl. But i guess i am looking for any help or advice at all. Even if i do it depressed, i just want to have a full and great life... Sometimes i will listen to music or fantasise about being a book character so i can pass the time in someone else's shell.

It doesn't matter how hard I try to take care of my family and better myself for the better I constantly fail. Something or someone makes it blow up every single time I try to do anything. Get a job nope can't get hired anywhere, donate plasma ha ha nope, get loans, sale all my possessions, have a support system what's that, I even tried to go back to the game/hustle and I can't even do that. I am apparently meant to be a failing disappointment and I am tired of it. I have let my kids down more times than I can count that's the worst part of all. I have no one no way to make it and I don't know what to do other than give up. I haven't eaten in 3 days going on 4. Maybe I should have stayed with my abuser I was miserable but they were taken care of. If I done what he said I was fine I don't know what to do I keep praying and praying and praying but I am just tired of being this person who is stuck being a failing screwup

Siento que mi vida es un bucle constante de insatisfacción y tristeza. Tengo cosas por las que vivir, tengo personas que me aman, podría tener un futuro brillante o exitoso, pero tengo años sin sentirme plena. Siento que soy una persona horrible, que desperdicio todo mi potencial día a día… que la vida se me pasa y solo quisiera que acabara ya de una vez por todas.

Ya he ido a terapia, ya he tomado antidepresivos … ya he buscado ayuda. Y la he recibido, supongo que eso me tiene aún acá. Pero no logro ser feliz. O por lo menos no miserable. Cada día tengo menos energía para hacer lo que sea, me siento fea, adolorida por no moverme, con ganas de hacerme daño.

Quiero que todo se acabe de una vez por todo. No le encuentro sentido a nada.

A veces me da miedo eso de que quitarse la vida significa que vas al infierno, y no por el infierno en sí sino porque me gustaría ver a mi papá nuevamente.

Ojalá simplemente algo pasara y me muriera de una vez.

I am in pain, not just in my body, yes my body hurts too. It always hurts. Not as much as the inside hurts, hurts like it always has hurt. I don't remember a time it didn't hurt. I don't remember a time just existing didn't hurt. I survived abuse, only to hurt, I survived a worthless childhood only to hurt. I have survived death, from myself and from circumstances I couldn't prevent, only to hurt. I hurt so much, I am in pain. Mentally, I am drowning, mentally I am in pain. I keep fighting, have fought, keep fighting, I am so tired of fighting.

I should feel like I have everything I ever wanted. I do technically have everything I ever wanted, ever fought for. Instead I feel like I am fighting to keep the things I always wanted. I feel like no matter what I do, I keep waking up each and every day to a new fight, or an old one that rises back up to force me to keep fighting. Fighting has made me older than years, my fighting has destroyed me, fighting has made me angry, fighting has made me bitter, fighting has made me numb. Hopelessness envelopes me. I don't feel like fighting anymore, I am tired. I am so fucking tired. I am tired of fighting, I am tired of hurting, I am tired of being in pain. I don't know how to keep fighting, I don't know how to keep living in pain.

I don't feel like I even have a choice there, because there is someone who needs me here, needs me to stay here. There are two someone's, who would miss if I were gone, would grow up not knowing the woman who writes this post. Not knowing how hard she fought only to loose in the end, if I do loose. I feel like I am going to loose tonight, I feel too tired tonight. I feel too tired to keep fighting. I don't have a choice, I have to keep fighting, I have to stay here, even when I don't want to stay here. Even when I don't want to be in pain, even when I am so fucking tired.

Mentally, I am damaged, eternally. I am damaged in a way I had no say over, to control, to stop. Still I live as the broken person other's took their time to create. I am forced to live my life as the person other's tried so desperately to destroy. Shouldn't that give me proof? Proof I can keep fighting, proof I can still survive? Then why doesn't it? Why doesn't it make me feel like I can fight the last person standing in my way...me? Why can't I fight me, or what parts of me are still me, maybe it isn't me. Maybe there are no more parts left inside that are me.

Who even was me? I don't think I have ever known who me is, who me is now, who will ever be me. Shouldn't I be strong enough to keep fighting? Shouldn't I be able to live past the pain? Why is it so hard to fight the brokenness that is now me? Why do I hate me...why can't I find a new me if I hate this me that is now me. Maybe it's because I never felt wanted, maybe it is because I never felt loved, maybe it is because I never felt like I had any right to be alive. Maybe it is because I still feel this way. Maybe it's because I am still stuck fighting....even if sometimes that fight is only with me. Maybe the fight is useless, maybe it is destined to end with me.

Maybe pain is supposed to stop when I stop breathing, maybe it won't even then. It is so hard, to think that I will never feel anything but pain. Maybe I am too broken and gone to feel anything but pain. Even in my happiest moments, I still can feel the pain lingering in the backdrop of my mind. Like an animal hunting me, waiting for me to become weak again so it can pounce and strike. Waiting so it can rip out the pieces of myself that I spent years duct taping onto myself. The pieces I tried to add to feel some sense of wholeness. A feeling I have never gotten to bask in. Not even for more than a moment, because those pieces are forced in, they are forced on with adhesive that just won't fucking stick.

I hate mirrors, I don't look into them, all I see is what is left. What they left me with, what they allowed me to keep, because for some reason, they wanted me to keep those pieces of me that weren't taken away. Parts of me I don't even recognize as me anymore. Parts that made me suspectable, parts that made me malleable. Parts of me that made me who they wanted, while they ripped out the parts of me that fought them to save myself. I never got to save myself. I left, I ran, I stayed hidden, and yet I didn't get to save myself in the end, because my mind is altered, my mind is altered. I have been left in pain, I have been left in pieces, I am the biproduct of the things done to me. I am the biproduct of experiences I never wanted, experiences that even if I did try to fight, I always lost. I still feel like I am loosing.

I am a million miles away, I am years away from the things that broke me, and yet it still feels here. It still feels like it is all sitting here beside me. Mocking me for still being alive, for fighting to stay alive, mocking me for choosing to stay alive even when I am broken and in pain. I want my demons to leave, I want them to leave me alone, I want to be whole, I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to be broken, I am so fucking tired of fighting, I want the fight to be over.

I just also want to be alive at the end of it all when I can finally stop fighting. I don't want to be dead, I don't want to know that I lost and they won, but how the fuck do I do this...when living in pain is so hard...and I am so fucking tired of fighting...how...how do I make sure it happens....how do I keep fighting the pain....how do I keep fighting the biggest thing in my way...how do I keep fighting...me? Or...I guess, the biproduct...that is now me...

A time where I feel completely empty, lazy, energyless, dead almost, sad, and just loser like for no reason, I can't get over my weakness even if I do gym, try to eat clean, anyway, just randomly I get better, then again I suck at it.

I am a new student (22F) in Toronto from Dhaka. Ever since I moved here, I feel as if the life that I imagined myself of having is a total lie. I feel my soul tearing apart as the illusion of free life is being stripped away from me. I miss my family a lot but I do not want to see them. I complete my daily tasks just fine but the smallest task feels like a drag. I cannot afford a therapist, I'm broke and have no job. Everything is tiring and nauseating. I was dizzy for a bit and I assumed it was a huge earthquake and I didn't move my legs saying if the house broke down I hope every brick falls on me as the end might be better than this. That's when it hit me that I don't genuinely mind leaving this world, worse I might even help myself do that. It is indeed a cry for help. Nothing is pulling me. Not even the love I have for my family. Nothing is distracting me. Nothing is just right. I can't live in the moment. I'm tired. I'm weak. Suggestions that can help for free would be greatly appreciated.

Is motherhood the cure to loneliness?

TLDR; I'm so lonely I'm starting to think my last option for a relationship is becoming a mom.

Friends in adulthood are busy living their own lives, moving cities, focusing on their careers and whatnot. Most adults don't care to hang out. They have their own social circles established. Or pets they rather be with. Or are just total homebodies.

Didn't realize that friendship is for childhood and if you're not lucky enough to make friends when you're young then you've lost out on a critical period to form authentic relationships. Socializing is a status game for grown ups so if you're high status enough for people to want something from you then all that's left is dating with the goal of starting a family.

Lost of people are getting married and starting families of their own at my age. I didn't realize how easy romance was for other people since I've never been desired. No homecoming date, no prom date, no dating in general, no kiss, still a virgin. Took me a while to realize I'm too ugly to have the experiences other people talk about. Spare me the comments on jUsT hAvE mOrE cOnFidEncE because pretty prividge is a real phenomenon and without it a lot of the experiences we dub as typical for youth are out of reach for most of us.

I used to put myself out there, attended events and try to socialize only to realize no one wants to talk to me. That's the thing about relationships; people have free will and most of them are holding out for better options.

When I hear people talk about how important relationships are I wonder what Im going to do to get over that. Its kinda shocking to me just how many people still talk to their parents at my grown age and how people really do prioritize family over everything else. The premium on blood based relationships cant ever be beat so its got me thinking maybe my saving grace is starting my own family? Like I said earlier Im not hot enough to date so maybe I can find a sperm donor to start the whole process.

Anyone else considering parenthood to finally have someone in their life?

I lost my job 3 months ago, I’ve tried to look for a job but I can’t find any. I’ve used all my savings and I don’t know what to do now. I’ve been the one taking care of my siblings but I can’t do it anymore. I feel so lost and depressed, I feel like it would be better if I just left this earth. I really need help.

I've been feeling more depressed, and thinking of death. I watched some videos talking about it.. and one of the video says to just reach out to anyone.. but i dont really have reliable support system..

So instead days ago just to cope with the feelings I update my whatsapp status and upload a photo of rope. Which got me msg from old acquaintance.. telling me not to keep it in yet at same time telling me not to upload that kind pic again.. and think about God.. i didnt call them because i have feeling i'd get religious lecture. I dont like it.

I feel hopeless with people, life and myself..

Sucks so much.

I'm not looking forward to today's caregiving duty.. i have to send mom to dialysis center.. the nurse there kept calling me lazy.

These days ive been feeling apathetic about death.. whether its fantasy of my own or other people's..

I see that my home is decaying..

My room is cluttered..

The living room has shit and smells so bad.

The kitchen has maggots.. to the point theyre climbing up the handsoap and dish soap bottles...

My dad has been having bad temper... Well.. that's who he has always been.. but nowaday it feels constant... Insults...yelling..

My brothers...another story...

Therapy dont work..

What's the point of therapy if you dont wanna live life..

I hate cbt..

I hate the way therapists and doctors treated/talked to me.

Im so let down by life.

Dealing with cptsd sucks..

I feel like i wanna die..

Just be gone..

28F here. I’ve been tired pretty much every day lately and it’s starting to annoy me.

Sleep is okay, diet could be better, stress is probably there too.

Did anyone figure out what was actually making them feel like this? Vitamin D, B12, iron, sleep, something else?