r/DatingHell

In 2022 when I was in 9th grade I was pretty ugly and going through puberty (I was 14, almost 15). Right when I started high school at 15 in late 2023 I started consuming a lot of blackpill content. I found multiple BP forums and started worrying about my looks. At first it wasn’t even that bad — mostly fragrance stuff and “softmaxxing,” which wasn’t extreme. It was all over TikTok too with that one song Ecstasy that really brings me back to it.

Anyway, from freshman year all the way to senior year now, every week and every day I’ve been consuming more and more blackpill content, ideology, and the subsections under it like looksmaxxing. Of course it made me insecure and made my anxiety a bit worse, but it also kind of raised my ego. I started hating on everyone in general. In primary school I went through bullying, trauma, and people turning on me (even friends), so I felt good being part of that community.

I know the forums have multiple people who even offed themselves because of it. Then in 2025 (last year) Clavicular made BP go mainstream, and suddenly every single person — even girls (the forums were meant for guys only at the start) — started knowing about it, but in a funny way and not taking it seriously. Now every young kid and every guy knows about it, and some worse people who aren’t just incels but genuine psychopaths are telling others to kill themselves and stuff like that on the forums. It’s gone crazy.

I’ve consumed so much of everything over these 2–3 years (before and after Clavicular) that my brain can’t comprehend running away from it. I’m getting a nose surgery now that I turned 18, a sliding jaw surgery, I tried multiple creams and convinced my dermatologist for tretinoin and isotretinoin for my acne, and I also started pinning stuff.

The biggest thing I hate is this hate toward women. They spread hypergamy, they’re all evil — every single one I’ve met IRL and online. But when I’m with a girl and talk to one I’m always the kindest. It’s not that I fake it, I just hide my true self.

Anyone know how I can escape this? I go outside, I go to the gym, I eat well, I sleep, I even have a summer job right now, but I can’t escape BP. It’s over. Even if I try, it always comes back, whether it’s a small thing or a big thing. I think deep down I’ll forever have this hate toward women till the end. In some way we’re all truly evil, but women are more hypergamous than men — the statistics are true.

I really don’t know what to even say. I’ve never had a girlfriend either. I failed my talking stages and rejected a couple of uglier girls. Maybe if I ascend and make my looks better I’ll escape it one day and get a loving girlfriend and forget about this. It has malnourished my brain, changed it, and developed it in some other way. I’m not joking when I say this — it’s dangerous, and people don’t know how much it is until they fall into its rabbit hole one day.

(Edit: noticing the downvotes on my own replies. Most people here don’t seem interested in debating or understanding the loop I’m describing — they just want the standard “stop consuming / therapy / take responsibility” script and will downvote ANYTHING that doesn’t instantly agree. Looking for mindful discussion, not mindless pile-ons.)

I am a 33F , fit, slim around 5 3 with long hair , prominent nose and eyebrows.I have a masters and have a job n everything.

I am really struggling to get into a relationship because of my acne scars.I have deep pitted and icepick acne scars which have ruined my skin texture.I struggled with self esteem and body image issues due to acne till 28.After that acne went away and scars still remain.I tried laser, tca cross and what not but the scars refuse to go away.

Anyways I have been on dating apps since 2 years and my photos get me great matches and compliments.

Every guy ravishes over my eyes, hair and it makes me feel good.

But as I go for the first date, there is usually no communication afterwards.There is no visible shock noticeable in the men but something changes when they see me in person.

Recently a guy flew from another city to see me and he was so excited and everything. After an amazing weekend, he stopped texting.

I texted a few times and he was a little reticent.Then he finally admitted that my acne scars bothered him.Its not my fault if the pictures dont capture that aspect but it really hurt me.

Are there no men who will ever date me?

Are acne scars a dealbreaker for every guy?

Don't kindness, empathy and warmth have no value in today's world.

I am super depressed and deleted all dating apps as of now

For reference, she lives in a city 3.5 hours from me (one way) and I was gonna drive to see her. I live kind of in the middle of nowhere in the Midwest so long distances like this aren't unheard of but even for here 3.5 hours is alot:

Her: I’d like to see you 🙂 You didn’t tell me where the date is gonna be

Me: let’s go to Miller Park

Me: is Saturday good for you

Me: ?

Her: Why did you choose there?

Me: Seems interesting and we can also hit up the zoo which seems fun

Her: I don’t want to go there

Me: Ok

Me: What would you like to do?

Her: There are other nice places to go. You can give me options so I can pick 🙂

Me: Lab Coffee Mulberry, Ewing Manor, Constitution Trail

Her: Are these all you got?

Her: Why do you like those places?

Me: They looked interesting. I’ve provided some options, if you have better ideas I am all ears

We matched on a dating app. His profile seemed decent; he was a computer engineer, had a normal-looking profile, and seemed pretty low-key.

We hadn't met in person yet, but we talked on the phone first. Apparently I'm getting better at dating, because at least this time I talked to him before meeting him. 🎉

Within the first few minutes, though, he started telling me about himself in great detail. He had just been in an important meeting, he had spoken in a foreign language during it, etc.

I mostly listened.

Then somehow we got onto cars. I mentioned that I drive a Mercedes EQB.

There was a pause. 👀

Then he started explaining to me that "Tesla was obviously the best electric car."

He asked if mine was fully electric, then he sighed: “Oh, that's really bad. Really bad. The world isn't ready for electric cars. You made the wrong choice.”

I thought, Don't worry, I'm ready.

Then I asked what he drove. An Opel Corsa. 😄

But it got better.

He told me: “Because I'm a man, I understand investments much better.”

Apparently, his investment strategy was to sell the Corsa, sell his house outside the city, and buy a house in the big city.

I just listened. He couldn't see the slightly amused smile on my face.

What he didn't know was that the EQB wasn't exactly my first car, and I already owned a home in the city he was planning to move to.

So while he was explaining his superior male investment strategy to me, I didn't argue. I didn't tell him any of this. I just let him finish his little presentation, talked about some random things for a while, and then unmatched him.

Because honestly, this was never about the Tesla or the Mercedes.

It was about a man deciding where to place me in his head before he even knew me and then trying to establish himself as “above” me.

I've noticed there are basically two types of men who do this:

1. The ones who try to make you feel smaller...

2. And the ones who immediately try to figure out how to benefit from what you have.

Either way, it's usually pretty obvious. 😄

Am I the only one who's noticed this, or have you experienced it too?

Ever swiped right and got matched to someone on a dating app without knowing who the other person is and later on finding out he or she is known person and it turn out embarrassing that all that time u guys chatted romantic??

I recently came across YourAgeMeets while researching dating platform options that are more geared towards mature relationships. I spent some time looking around the site and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. The platform is easy to use, easy to browse profiles and it feels like a breath of fresh air compared to the usual dating apps.

I’ve only been using it for a short time so I can’t give a clear opinion yet. I’d love to hear from anyone here who has had long-term experience with YourAgeMeets. I’m really interested in the quality of the matchmaking and conversations, and whether people actually have meaningful interactions there.

I was with this guy for 6 months. Everything was going really well, we got along perfectly, and he treated me really well.
The only thing that bothered me was that he never wanted to go out with me. He didn’t want to see me very often—we would see each other once every 2–3 weeks. The thing is, we lived in the same area and could easily have seen each other either at school or around town. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he just wouldn’t communicate. He would say he simply didn’t feel like going out and that he wanted to sleep.
The last time we argued, I told him again that it hurt me that he never wanted to go out with me and that I wanted us to spend more time together. He ignored me, made some excuse about needing to get a haircut and go to sleep, and that was it. After that, he stopped replying to me.
The next day, I went to his classroom and he treated me with complete indifference. I left angry and kept texting him from Thursday until Sunday. Eventually, I realized that he genuinely wasn’t going to respond anymore. He basically broke up with me without ever actually saying it.
It’s been a few months, and I’m still struggling to get over it. I find it hard to believe that sex was all he wanted from me (I was 19 and he was 18), but I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like shit. I can’t understand how someone can pretend to care so well for so long, only to eventually show you who they really are.
The whole experience has been horrible, and now I’m scared to try again with someone else. I keep feeling like everyone is the same and that I can’t trust anyone anymore.

Okay weird question (not even sure if it’s a question, just want thoughts) - I go to the same coffee shop every morning and there’s a guy I’ve been seeing several times a week for almost a year now. He stares at me when I walk in, smiles at me, opens the door for me, and very noticeably looks me up and down when he sees me. We are in similar lines of work and I think he’s cute so we started talking in the mornings, nothing crazy, just casual chatting while waiting for coffee, and honestly I was so confident he was into me I was just waiting for him to ask me out. Well I just found out (not even from him, but from someone else) that he just got engaged. He’s been living with a girl for over a year and they’ve been together for 2 years. She is in similar work as both of us but he never mentioned her. I’m honestly shocked. I feel like he was being very flirty with me (and especially scanning my body whenever I walk into the coffee shop…) and it makes me feel gross to think he’s been dating someone seriously the whole time. Is your impression of this that he’s gross and a scumbag or is it normal for guys to check girls out even if they’re in a committed relationship? Thoughts from the guys out there?

I don't drink that often. Only occasionally. But last night i decided to try something new cause i wanted to make new friends. I went to 2 bars. The 1st one, nobody spoke to me and i felt invisible. The 2nd one, the people were more socialable. That particular bar also had games in it too. One of the games was ski ball. I played ski ball and then a guy walked up to me to offered to pay for a few for rounds of the game. Then we both played. Then he offered me a drink. He seemed nice at first. The red flags did not start to show until he kept trying to encourage me to finish my drink. (I was not drunk. I litterally had only 1 glass and i had trouble finishing it.) Then it started to rain when we were about to leave. He didn't start to get aggressive until we got in the uber. The guy kept pulling my hair really really hard to make me kiss him and he stuck his tongue all the way in my mouth. It hurt. He stuck his tongue really far back and it hurt. At first he was pulling my wig and then when my wig came off he pulled my real hair. He kept telling me what to say. I tried to like it but he was too aggressive. When i kept telling him i need to fix my wig after he took it off he didnt care and just said i look beautiful without it. If i tried to pull him off of me when he kissed me too aggressively i had difficulty with ir cause of how strong he was. He also bit me a lot during the kissing. He was not gentle about anything at all. Even after we got out of the car he kept trying to keep kissing me aggressively and i was afraid of falling. (We did not fall but i was worried we would.) When we got to his door he had a stack of amazon boxes at his door. Then he carelessly threw tossed the boxes in without being careful. Then he kept trying to aggressively kiss me in the hallway while pinning me to the wall. At one point he even put his hand on my neck for a second and then stopped. Then when we got upstairs he started to take his clothes off and tried taking my shirt off. Then i just kept saying i need to go home. He then kept saying "Oh youre scared of me?" And "Are you sure you don't wanna play just a little bit?" Then when i kept persisting that I need to go he offered to order me a lyft/uber but he had trouble ordering it cause he typed the address in the wrong app. Then as i walked away i heard a loud thump. Then i said "Are you okay?" Then when I went back upstairs he was laying on the floor then when he saw me he crawled to the toilet as he left the bathroom door wide open. Then he kept screaming "Go away! Leave me alone!" Then he kept making gagging sounds but i didnt know if he really was throwing up or if he was faking. I didnt actually see any vomit when he made those sounds in front of me. Then i left. I ended up walking out of his neighborhood after that.

He also claimed that he had a phd in folklore and poetry but i don't know if i believed him or not. Ive never been to college.

I feel really stupid. That was the first time i actually went to a guys house after meeting him at a bar. He didnt start to get aggressive until we got in the lyft ride though. We did not have sex. He obviously wanted to but it didn't happen.

After a few dates with some pretty strange characters, I decided I needed to go back to my comfort zone.

So I matched with an HR director.

And honestly, his profile looked really impressive.

He gave seminars, did presentations, had won awards for his work, had a decent following on Instagram, and generally seemed like a very accomplished, put-together person.

He lived with his mother because she was sick. Otherwise, according to him, he'd probably be working abroad. He also casually mentioned that he'd once dated a woman who had apparently won first place in some Korean beauty competition.

So... okay. 😂

Everything looked pretty good on paper.

I wasn't particularly attracted to him when I saw him in person, but his profile was impressive enough that I figured I'd give him a chance.

We met for coffee after work.

Almost immediately, he started asking what we were and how we were going to define the relationship.

I was thinking, 'Can we maybe have coffee a few more times before we name the relationship?'

Because I was already noticing a few things that made me uncomfortable.

For one, he was very interested in my salary.

At the time, I actually made significantly more money than he did because of my position and the industry I worked in.

Unfortunately, I was also going through a pretty awful period at work. Some things were getting uncomfortably close to harassment, but I was a single mother and needed the income, so I was putting up with it while quietly looking for another job.

I still didn't stop seeing him.

He wasn't dangerous or anything. He was just... getting more annoying by the minute.

For our second date, he said he wanted to take me to a place that brewed several different kinds of beer.

Sounds nice, right?

Except when we met, he told me the place had unexpectedly closed.

So instead, he took me to what was basically a very casual, slightly run-down outdoor place.

There was nothing necessarily wrong with the place. I'd just dressed up for the date, and the whole thing felt completely mismatched. I also felt like I was getting some very strange looks.

Then he said:

'You're probably used to luxury places because of your job. Let's just do this this time.'

That annoyed me more than it probably should have.

I told him I wasn't only used to nice places because of work. I also enjoy them in my personal life.

Then he started talking about his ex.

A lot.

Mostly about how pathetic her current husband was.

When we left, he told me that next time he'd take me to a really nice sushi restaurant.

Okay.

We kept talking for a while after that.

Honestly, most of this was being pushed forward by him. I wasn't particularly excited about him, but I kept thinking:

'He's harmless. Maybe I'll give it another chance.'

Then came date number three.

Before we met, he called me and said the sushi restaurant was closed for a private event that day.

So instead, he offered to make sushi at his house.

And, naturally, I could meet his mother while I was there.

That was actually the moment I realized I'd found my exit.

I told him I wasn't comfortable with that.

He immediately went back to:

'But what are we?'

And then started talking about me meeting his mother again.

Nope.

I said no, and that was the end of it.

But there was actually one more thing.

The thing that completely killed whatever tiny amount of interest I had left.

Remember how I mentioned that I was earning more than him at the time?

Eventually, he told me that the only reason I was making that much money was because I had been sexually harassed at work.

Yes.

Apparently being sexually harassed was now a career advantage.

That was the final straw.

And that's when I realized that maybe the impressive résumé, the seminars, the awards and the fancy title weren't actually telling me much about the person underneath.

Sometimes the résumé is just a really good cover letter for the red flags.

Has anyone else ever had someone look absolutely amazing on paper, only to turn out to be a walking red flag in person? What was the moment you finally knew you had to leave?

I am 50f he’s 50m I’ve met him 3 weeks ago, he seems lovely, however talks frequently about his ex, when it is not even relevant, I’ve called him out on it a few times; it has nothing to do with jealousy but I am not there either to listen to his past history and stories and wanting to go out and have fun. I just wondered what other peoples thoughts on this was?

For example yesterday must’ve seen him three hours, during that time I had mentioned something to do with Home furnishing and asked him if he had these and then he related it back to his ex and that she has this at her house. He’s also said he left her, wasn’t in love.. blah blah I’ve taken my blinkers off and I’m not naive.

I recently split with someone but don’t drop them in the conversation 20 times during a date.

I’m just finding it a bit overwhelming and thoughtless, I mentioned I had a ex whose ex was massively involved and it caused issues and we split and said I don’t want a repeat of that.

I’ve just said please don’t keep bringing her up because I’m finding it a bit odd plus the fact I need to keep repeating that this person is irrelevant to me

Hey everyone, I need some outside perspective on this situation because the whole thing has left me pretty unsettled.

I met this guy online who I actually knew of because my sister dated his brother in high school. We went on a few dates, and from the beginning I found him really difficult to read. He seemed very eager to start a relationship with me and wanted to know a lot about me, but at the same time, he didn’t really open up about himself. He would ask very personal questions and sometimes keep pushing even when I wasn’t comfortable answering.

There was something about his overall demeanor that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. He seemed socially awkward, isolated, and somewhat lost in life. He didn’t seem to have much of a social circle and told me he hadn’t had any previous relationships. He also seemed to have very little direction. Within just a few days of knowing me, he was talking about wanting to be a police officer, firefighter, massage therapist, work in IT, own a business, open a fast-food restaurant, etc. It was like he was constantly trying to figure out what his identity was.

He also told me he worked graveyard shifts fixing buses and had significant trouble sleeping. He said even the smallest noise could wake him up. I thought that was a bit odd.

What really started concerning me, though, was his temper and the way he interacted with me. He could become defensive and angry very quickly if I disagreed with him or questioned something. He often seemed to need to be right. There were also times when his behavior felt aggressive or intimidating, even though we weren’t having any disagreement.

I also started getting the impression that he had some resentment toward women. Combined with his defensiveness, anger, and lack of relationship experience, it made him increasingly difficult for me to understand. He also is very cheap. He does not travel or try new cuisines due to cost.

He was also very awkward physically. He would try to kiss me outside restaurants, but it felt strangely inexperienced and uncomfortable. He didn’t seem to have much experience dating.

Despite all of this, I decided to give him another chance.

Then things escalated very quickly.

He started talking about marriage and having kids with me, despite us only having known each other for a short time.

I eventually told him that I don’t have a driver’s license. At first he seemed completely fine with it and asked why.

Then that same night, I barely heard from him.

The next morning, I discovered that he had blocked me everywhere without any explanation.

I messaged him on WhatsApp saying that I noticed he had blocked me and wished him well. He didn’t respond.

Later, I found him on Facebook and asked what happened. That’s when he suddenly became extremely hostile. He called me “a child,” “psychotic,” and said I needed “professional help.” He also called me miserable and basically told me good luck finding whatever I was looking for.

The sudden change is what really bothers me. He went from talking about marriage and children with me to completely cutting me off and attacking my character within roughly 24 hours. If he decided he wasn’t interested because I don’t drive, that’s completely fine. People are allowed to have dealbreakers. What bothers me is the aggressive way he responded instead of simply communicating that he didn’t want to continue dating.

Then I saw him on Bumble and noticed that he lists himself as 5’9”, even though he’s around my height (5’5’’)
His profile also says something like “we’ll get along if you can communicate,” which I found pretty ironic given how he handled our situation.

I’m not trying to diagnose him, but I’m genuinely trying to understand what I experienced. The whole thing felt very strange, and I’m wondering if I ignored warning signs that other people would have picked up on earlier.

I also shared some very personal information about myself with him because I genuinely thought I could trust him and that we were building toward a relationship. I’m actually angry at myself for being that vulnerable with someone I barely knew. What really bothered me was that after I opened up to him, he showed absolutely zero empathy or compassion. There was no concern, understanding, or even basic acknowledgment of what I’d shared.

At the same time, he had been demanding very personal information from me, including details about my mom’s medical history. I explicitly told him that I couldn’t share that information because it was private, and he wouldn’t drop it. So there was this really uncomfortable imbalance where he expected me to disclose personal things while not respecting my boundaries, and then showed no empathy when I trusted him with vulnerable information about myself.

Does this sound like someone who was simply not interested and handled rejection/ending things badly, or do the combination of being extremely hard to read, quick to anger, defensive/aggressive behavior, apparent resentment toward women, intense interest very early on, and then suddenly attacking me seem like bigger red flags?

Hello. I’m looking for some advice/support/help in deciphering what just happened to me. I am still reeling and feeling extremely low.

This is a long one. So I (26F) met this guy (28M) on Hinge, and we’ve been seeing each other for the past 2 months. We had a great first date and really hit it off. We get along well, share interests and a sense of humor, and align in our values. Everything was AMAZING up until one week ago today. It was actually shocking to me how well it was going (dating is a struggle as I’m sure most of you know), and I remember telling him at least twice that I was surprised he was single and I was so glad I found him. We’ve gone on lots of dates including two dates with my friends which I thought was a great sign. One of them was a wine bar with my best friend and her boyfriend, and the other was an MLB game with 2 of my close friends and their boyfriends. All of my friends really liked him as well. He also loves my 2 cats (B and Chai). Lately he’s been coming over and we watched a miniseries together as well as several movies. He’s brought me thoughtful little gifts too including a bottle of my favorite wine, movie theater popcorn, my favorite candy, and a blind box which I thought was SO sweet because it showed he was really listening to me (I told him I love vanillamace and her blind boxes and that I was looking for a cute bag charm for one of my purses). The only “red” flags I had noticed (“red” in quotations because I genuinely didn’t find them that bad) were that after our first date he didn’t text me back for a while and I thought he was ghosting me but he did end up responding and it was so early on that I thought I was overreacting. The only other one was that he couldn’t stay hard while we were hooking up and he never finished. I asked him if that was a common thing for him and he said yes and that it’s frustrating. I didn’t push him because I didn’t want to make him feel bad. He apologized, but I wasn’t upset/didn’t blame him because I didn’t think he could help it. So not that that’s even a red flag, just something a little off that I noticed.

Fast forward to the breakdown of this relationship. We last hung out a little over a week ago when he came over to my apartment and we watched a movie (Obsession, which we had both been really wanting to watch and both loved) and then he stayed the night. The next day he hung out until about 1pm which I thought was a good sign because he didn’t want to rush out the door. I work in an elementary school and was going back to work last week starting Wednesday, so I told him that things were going to be very busy for me but I could see him the following day or the next weekend because I was going out of the town this past weekend. He said maybe about the following day and then left. I texted him the following day asking if he wanted to hangout and he said he forgot it was a friend’s birthday and he would have to rain check. I said no worries, to have a good time, and that I missed him. Following this message, I didn’t hear from him for 6 days straight which was very odd because ever since that incident after the first date we had been texting nearly every day consistently. As the week went on, I grew more and more anxious each day I didn’t hear from him as I started back at work, had a work meeting that I was very very stressed about, and traveled to a city 6 hours away all while not hearing a word from him (while also getting a notification that he was active on TikTok so I knew he was on his phone). For added context, my work has been EXTREMELY stressful, last year was my first year out of grad school working as an SLP in an elementary school and it was honestly the worst year of my life. I started going to therapy for severe anxiety as last year was somewhat traumatic for me. I had an extremely inflated caseload and worked around the clock (nights, weekends, and breaks) to keep up. I had explained all of this to him, even cried to him over it and he was very supportive and kind. I told him I was very nervous about going back to work and that I would likely be very busy but I still wanted to make as much time for him as I could because I really liked him. As a result, I found it very off that he didn’t check on me when I went back to work.

I finally texted him on the last night of my trip as I was literally going crazy. I texted him “Hey is everything ok?” and got this response:

“I’m so sorry I’ve been distant. There’s something I never told you, Mandie, and I think you deserve to know because it’s a big part of why I feel like I have to do this. For the past two years, I’ve been dealing with a lot internally. I’ve been on five different antidepressant and anxiety medications trying to find something that helps, and throughout all of this I’ve struggled with dissociation and derealization.

For me, it’s hard to even explain what that feels like. I don’t always feel like I’m fully present in my own life. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it genuinely doesn’t feel like I’m looking at myself. It’s like I’m watching my life from the outside or going through everything on autopilot. My emotions can feel dulled too. Things that should make me really happy or really sad sometimes just don’t reach me the way they normally would. I know I’m feeling things somewhere inside, but I don’t always feel connected to them.

I’ve tried so hard to feel normal again, and I’m still trying. But the truth is, I don’t feel like myself right now. And as much as I care about you, I’ve realized that I’m not able to give you my full self. You deserve to be loved by someone who can be completely present, emotionally available, and able to give you everything they have. I don’t want to give you only part of me while pretending that I’m okay.

None of this is because you did something wrong. You’ve been so incredibly good to me, and that honestly makes this even harder. I care about you more than I can properly put into words, and I hate that I have to let you go when the last thing I want is to hurt you. I love spending time with you and B and Chai. Allowing me into your home and getting to meet your friends.

I just need to take a step back and figure myself out. I need to work on becoming myself again before I can honestly give someone the kind of love and relationship they deserve. You mean so much to me, Mandie, and I hope you never think that ending this means I stopped caring. I care about you deeply. I just know that right now, caring about you also means being honest enough to admit that I’m not capable of giving you all of me. 💛”

He sent me this response around 11:30pm. I was with friends and didn’t want to become emotional so I didn’t initially read the message and planned to read it before I went to sleep. When I finally read it, I was very sad because I didn’t want things to end but I also had a tiny bit of hope because I had not been fully transparent yet about my struggles with severe anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation the previous year as well as losing my alcoholic dad at age 19. I thought I could explain this to him and offer him support and grace. However, when I woke up he had sent me another message at 3:50am (which was uncharacteristic for him, we have never texted that late before):

“The true honest reason I stopped talking to you is because I met someone and I’m in love and she’s my girlfriend now”

After reading this, I felt EXTREMELY hurt and depressed. I texted him expressing my confusion about the direct opposition between the two texts and called him but I have received no response. However, my calls will not ring/go through but my texts are blue and delivered. So I believe I may be blocked but I am not sure. He did block me on Instagram and TikTok, the only 2 social media platforms we had shared with each other. I cried the entire day yesterday including the 6 hour drive back to my city and just generally felt extremely depressed and sick. I REALLY liked this guy.

Right now my mom is visiting me from 2 hours away because my mental health is so terrible. I still have to work however and I’m really struggling. I can’t believe he would do this to me right as I am returning to work. It feels like he’s kicking me when I’m down, and I think this is the lowest I’ve ever been in my life (and my life has not been easy). Looking for any help/advice/thoughts to get through this extremely difficult time. Thank you for reading!

TL;DR: I (26F) was seeing a guy (28M) from Hinge for 2 months and it was going very well. He randomly ghosted me for a week then sent a long message about how he’s experienced severe anxiety/depression and has been on several medications for it and thus is not ready for a relationship. A few hours after sending this message he told me the real reason he stopped talking to me was because he met someone else and is in love and they are now boyfriend/girlfriend. He then blocked me everywhere. I am shocked and feeling extremely devastated.

This started in late June last year. I found a girl on TikTok, thought she was attractive, messaged her, and she replied almost instantly.
For the next 3–4 weeks, we talked basically nonstop from morning to night. Messages, TikToks, snaps, voice messages, calls. We had the same interests, humour, hobbies, and even similar ideas about our future.

It became really personal too. She told me family problems she said she barely told anyone, constantly told me how much she liked and loved talking to me, talked about us being together in the future, and gave me every reason to believe I genuinely mattered to her.

That’s what makes this different from a basic “I ignored the red flags and got ghosted” story. There really weren’t obvious red flags.
She seemed genuinely kind, sensitive, had a small circle, stayed home most of the time, cared about her younger siblings, and acted like the kind of person who would communicate instead of intentionally hurting someone.
I literally remember thinking, “Maybe one day she’ll randomly remove me, but I genuinely can’t imagine her doing that.”

Then near the end of July, she suddenly changed.
One day she barely replied and said her main phone was dead. Fair enough, except I could see her constantly active on her second TikTok account. The next day I asked about it and she basically said, “Yeah, idk why I didn’t message you.”
Then she left me on delivered all day again.
After nearly a month of talking nonstop, this obviously wasn’t normal.
I calmly asked if something happened in her personal life, if I did something wrong, if she needed space, anything. I told her she could just be honest with me.

Her answer was always basically, “Nothing is wrong. Stop asking.”
Then she’d ignore me again.
That is what fucked with my head the most.
Four days earlier, you’re telling me how much you love me, talking about our future and speaking to me all day. Now I’m practically begging for a basic explanation and you’re annoyed that I even noticed the change.
Her words said nothing changed. Her behaviour said everything changed.
That creates insane cognitive dissonance. You start analysing every conversation, wondering if you did something wrong, if something happened to her, if there’s another guy, or if you’re somehow imagining all of it.

Eventually I gave up trying to extract honesty from her and told her the friendship obviously couldn’t continue like this.
Her response was basically, “Yeah, fair enough.”
What the fuck?
Days earlier you supposedly loved me. Now you don’t care if I disappear permanently?
Call it love-bombing, manipulation, attention-seeking or emotional immaturity. I’m not diagnosing her, but the pattern was real: intense affection and constant attention, followed by sudden withdrawal while denying that the withdrawal was even happening.

I later found out she had apparently done something similar to another guy too.
That’s when I started wondering if I had basically just been emotional entertainment for a month. Someone to talk to, vent to, receive validation from and feel appreciated by until she no longer needed it.

Meanwhile, her TikTok exploded. When we started talking she had around 400 followers. Now she has around 16k, millions of views and roughly 3 million likes.

And yes, that makes me bitter.
It genuinely makes you wonder why God seems to favour evil people sometimes. Someone hurts you, walks away without any visible consequences, continues posting like nothing happened, and then their dream starts coming true while you’re left dealing with the psychological aftermath.
It felt like I spent a month sitting in some fucking cuck chair, investing my time, emotions and energy into her while she walked away with everything she wanted.

And yes, it worsened my distrust toward women. Logically I know one girl doesn’t represent billions of women, but experiences like this make cynicism extremely easy.
Because the real lesson isn’t that bad people exist. Everyone knows that.
The terrifying lesson is that someone can have almost every characteristic that convinces you they’re not that kind of person and still do it to you.
They can listen to you, trust you with private things, remember details about you, talk to you every day, tell you they love you and seem genuinely empathetic.

None of that guarantees they won’t suddenly treat you like you never mattered.
Maybe they’re narcissistic. Maybe emotionally empty. Maybe addicted to validation. Maybe immature. Maybe just fake as fuck. I don’t know.
But I learned that you can know nearly everything about somebody’s life and still know almost nothing about their actual character.
Don’t assume vulnerability means sincerity. Don’t assume affection means attachment. Don’t assume someone being “nice” means they’re incapable of cruelty.

When somebody’s words consistently contradict their behaviour, stop destroying yourself trying to find the perfect explanation.
Sometimes the contradiction is the explanation.
And maybe one day this comes back around and hits her in a way she actually understands.
Nobody reading this will know who I am or who she is, but if she ever reads it, she’ll know exactly who wrote it.

Congratulations on convincing people that the persona you present is who you actually are. Congratulations on taking someone’s time, feelings, trust and empathy and treating them as disposable once you no longer wanted them.
Maybe fame, status and money will become big enough distractions that none of this matters to you. You’re lucky enough that success can make almost anyone look admirable from the outside.
But popularity doesn’t rewrite character, and thousands of people liking a carefully constructed version of you doesn’t erase how you treated people privately.

Maybe there is no immediate karma. Maybe people who hurt others really do get rewarded while the people they hurt carry the consequences.
But actions have a way of following people eventually.

And if you’re reading this, you know exactly who I am.

Lmao I am giving off sad stalker energy.

Alright so this relationship has a rocky backstreet already and we only started talking a week ago 😅 ill skip that part unless anyone is really interested but I (30M) met up with this girl (27) at the mall where she works cause she wanted to go to spirit Halloween and she was on her lunch. After a brief hug and hello she asks if I have my military ID cause she wants to use the discount 💀. I dont even use that discount unless its like a major purchase or im just strapped for cash, which isnt often. I allow it cause I figure she is about to drop some $$$ in spirit Halloween. She buys a 17$ item, and thats it. I should run right? Or should I give her another chance?

I should note she was bragging about how her outfit was worth like $500 total.

TLDR; 27F asks 30M to use military discount for 17$ item 45 seconds into a "lunch date".

After a few terrible dates, I realized I’ve developed rules I never expected to have.

Car or expensive watch in every photo? Suspicious.

Every photo involves a hat or beanie? I need to see what's underneath.

If your profile only has old, outdated pictures and you look noticeably different in person? Video call first.

You tell me how much money you make before learning anything about me? I'm probably leaving.

Scorpio? I'm sorry, my checklist has spoken. 😂

One guy was bald, despite every single photo showing him wearing a hat. He also spent most of our date talking about how much money he made and how little time he had for a relationship.
Apparently he wanted someone he could call whenever he felt like having company.
And somehow he thought telling me I could call him whenever I "needed anything" was charming. 😂
Dating apps have basically turned me into a detective.
At this point, my checklist is longer than my grocery list.

Honestly just laughing at this point because men are something else.

We made things official around late May. In August, he gave me access to his Instagram account, I guess thinking he had nothing to hide and wanted to seem like the world's most transparent partner.

Anyway, I was looking through old DMs and found a chat from July 11th, barely a month and a half after we started dating.

The context makes it so much worse: I had an early morning flight the next day, so I went to sleep early that night. Literally the second I'm asleep and not giving him attention, this man hops onto Instagram at 1:20 AM and replies to some girl’s story:

Him: "Damn, queen traits"

Her: "But why queen?"

Him: "Only a queen can withold such a beauty in herself"

Only a queen can withold such a beauty in herself" bro what Wattpad novel did you pull that from at 1 in the morning 😭 Can't even spell "withhold" right.

The next day they just moved on to talking about football, but the fact that his immediate instinct the moment I was asleep was to slide in and drop pickup lines on another girl is insane to me.

He gave me his password a month later so he either genuinely forgot he typed this embarrassing mess, thought I wouldn't scroll back to July, or is just completely brainless.

I’m not even going to sit through the inevitable "it was just a harmless compliment" or "why would I give you my account if I was doing something wrong" excuses. Just sending the screenshot to our chat, telling him to go be with his queen, and blocking him.

Trash really takes itself out.