What even happened ?
Hey everyone, I need some outside perspective on this situation because the whole thing has left me pretty unsettled.
I met this guy online who I actually knew of because my sister dated his brother in high school. We went on a few dates, and from the beginning I found him really difficult to read. He seemed very eager to start a relationship with me and wanted to know a lot about me, but at the same time, he didn’t really open up about himself. He would ask very personal questions and sometimes keep pushing even when I wasn’t comfortable answering.
There was something about his overall demeanor that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. He seemed socially awkward, isolated, and somewhat lost in life. He didn’t seem to have much of a social circle and told me he hadn’t had any previous relationships. He also seemed to have very little direction. Within just a few days of knowing me, he was talking about wanting to be a police officer, firefighter, massage therapist, work in IT, own a business, open a fast-food restaurant, etc. It was like he was constantly trying to figure out what his identity was.
He also told me he worked graveyard shifts fixing buses and had significant trouble sleeping. He said even the smallest noise could wake him up. I thought that was a bit odd.
What really started concerning me, though, was his temper and the way he interacted with me. He could become defensive and angry very quickly if I disagreed with him or questioned something. He often seemed to need to be right. There were also times when his behavior felt aggressive or intimidating, even though we weren’t having any disagreement.
I also started getting the impression that he had some resentment toward women. Combined with his defensiveness, anger, and lack of relationship experience, it made him increasingly difficult for me to understand. He also is very cheap. He does not travel or try new cuisines due to cost.
He was also very awkward physically. He would try to kiss me outside restaurants, but it felt strangely inexperienced and uncomfortable. He didn’t seem to have much experience dating.
Despite all of this, I decided to give him another chance.
Then things escalated very quickly.
He started talking about marriage and having kids with me, despite us only having known each other for a short time.
I eventually told him that I don’t have a driver’s license. At first he seemed completely fine with it and asked why.
Then that same night, I barely heard from him.
The next morning, I discovered that he had blocked me everywhere without any explanation.
I messaged him on WhatsApp saying that I noticed he had blocked me and wished him well. He didn’t respond.
Later, I found him on Facebook and asked what happened. That’s when he suddenly became extremely hostile. He called me “a child,” “psychotic,” and said I needed “professional help.” He also called me miserable and basically told me good luck finding whatever I was looking for.
The sudden change is what really bothers me. He went from talking about marriage and children with me to completely cutting me off and attacking my character within roughly 24 hours. If he decided he wasn’t interested because I don’t drive, that’s completely fine. People are allowed to have dealbreakers. What bothers me is the aggressive way he responded instead of simply communicating that he didn’t want to continue dating.
Then I saw him on Bumble and noticed that he lists himself as 5’9”, even though he’s around my height (5’5’’)
His profile also says something like “we’ll get along if you can communicate,” which I found pretty ironic given how he handled our situation.
I’m not trying to diagnose him, but I’m genuinely trying to understand what I experienced. The whole thing felt very strange, and I’m wondering if I ignored warning signs that other people would have picked up on earlier.
I also shared some very personal information about myself with him because I genuinely thought I could trust him and that we were building toward a relationship. I’m actually angry at myself for being that vulnerable with someone I barely knew. What really bothered me was that after I opened up to him, he showed absolutely zero empathy or compassion. There was no concern, understanding, or even basic acknowledgment of what I’d shared.
At the same time, he had been demanding very personal information from me, including details about my mom’s medical history. I explicitly told him that I couldn’t share that information because it was private, and he wouldn’t drop it. So there was this really uncomfortable imbalance where he expected me to disclose personal things while not respecting my boundaries, and then showed no empathy when I trusted him with vulnerable information about myself.
Does this sound like someone who was simply not interested and handled rejection/ending things badly, or do the combination of being extremely hard to read, quick to anger, defensive/aggressive behavior, apparent resentment toward women, intense interest very early on, and then suddenly attacking me seem like bigger red flags?