r/datingadvice

I've known this girl for eight years. We've had pretty much no communication, but I was getting more curious. She asked me for help with something and offered me a beer whenever we had the chance to meet.

One day, we were talking through messages, and she brought up the beer idea again. I turned the beer into a one-on-one dinner, which she accepted and was available for on the exact day. She said she would be waiting for the next dinner.

One week later, I invited her for dinner again, and she accepted. It was her first time eating ramen actually...

So, the personal aspect is doing fine. However, she says she's not very social, and that is true. She is passive, doesn't take the lead, and I am the one who usually comes up with the ideas, and she goes with the flow.

I like her a lot, but my nervous system panics whenever she takes too long to reply to messages. She takes an average of three days, and it's not like she isn't using Instagram; she posts stories but doesn't reply. She says she hasn't seen them or forgets to answer... that doesn't seem like a good sign to me.

Is this normal for a very defensive/passive person, or am I just overthinking tons of things in my head, assuming she is slightly curious when she isn't? How do you stay sane and try to approach her at the same time without making her uncomfortable? I would like to keep trying but also not think about this every day.

It is also true that she said she likes to do some activities but doesn't want to go alone... so I guess if I do go, thats just a bonus for her and thats why she also accepts.

I slid into a guy’s DMs, he gave me his number, asked me out, and we had a genuinely great first date. We kissed, he mentioned making plans for this weekend, and the vibe felt mutual.

Now it’s been 4 days of silence and I can’t tell whether:

1. this is normal adult dating behavior and nobody knows whose turn it is to text, or
2. this is soft ghosting/fading interest.

At what point do you assume someone is uninterested after a good first date?

The important comment is the final paragraph

I met a friend through Reddit in October through mutual interests, and we played Minecraft and Fortnite and GeoGuessr together for a while. She is in a long distance relationship with a guy on the complete other side of the planet, which i am cool with. I only messaged her for friend purposes due to mutual interests and I respect her love for this guy. However, since January, she has been complaining about A LOT of things with him, and everything she says makes me realise how much of a walking red flag this guy is. No job security, doesnt change schedule to meet with her time difference, no job but sleeps 24/7 and gets upset when she sleeps after long hours at work, says she should stop working because she earns nothing, even though she is in the top 20% of earners in her country, he stares at other girls when they met in person for the first time, etc. He is a very lazy and unmotivated person with pretty much no future. She complains about him a lot, but seems to be stuck with him and forgives really easily. I am the complete opposite, and l am helping her get through everything and stay strong, which really, he should be doing. But no, he only cares about her leaving her job and staying up 24/7 to video call each other. I want what is best for her, and I think this guy is a big no no. We met in person for the first time as we are both locals, and since that day, she seems to be obsessed with me and asking to hang out every week, messaging me "lowkey, I miss you" and "you're so cool irl" etc. She has even said she doesnt know if she has a future with him to me. Nothing lovey dovey yet though. If i am interpreting this correctly, and she is starting to like me more as the days go by, what can I do as a friend to support her choice with whether she commits to her boyfriend, or leaves him? What would you do if you were me? For context, I do really like her as a friend, I am very grateful that we met. Girlfriend wise, I would definitely date her, but I dont want her to leave her boyfriend because of me, I want her to do what is best for her, knowing at the same time that I like her.

She has even said to me that she knows what the right decision is for her, which is me, but she is scared to leave him because he has threatened to kill himself if he has to live without her. On top of this, he is abusive towards pretty much everything and rages at inappropriate times, scaring her. Plus, he refuses to get a real job. I could keep going, but these are the most important ones, especially the suicide component.

What would you do?

I am talking to a 23 year old and he didn’t seem to care about the age gap , I asked him if he was uncomfortable by it because we met when he was 22 and I was 18 and he said no he doesn’t care

that was lowk the first red flag I saw

second red flag was when he would make jokes about other women after we decided we were exclusive and these other women would be my friends that he doesn’t know at all but i told him it made me uncomfortable and he saw how visibly upset I was,
ex; I told him I kissed a girl before and he said lets do a threesome, I said the girl was my friend and she was younger than me and Mexican and he said, “oooh Mexican??? bet”

he also tends to be very dry over text and call and his humor is def not like on par with mine 60% of the time but he is seriously a very sweet and nice guy and he has his moments where I feel like I’m wrong about second guessing this because he is overall not a bad guy, he’s just a man who has gone through a LOT of trauma and hardships.. but the jokes.. and the way he treats me sometimes is a bit too much
ex; he tends to be very bad at reassurance and it seems like he doesn’t care

we also don’t have a lot of things in common outside of very basic things, we don’t listen to the same music outside of Arabic & a handful of certain Tame Impala songs, we dont watch the same movies/shows and I feel like im thinking too much about it… but I can’t help but think that he is not the one for me even though I do have feelings for him, I just can’t seem to be 100% about them and idk how to go about it when it comes to telling him because I feel like after I see him in person it’s all good.

a little bit more background info none of my friends approve and no one knows I still talk to him
he is also the first person I’ve had sex with and I also havent dated anyone since I was like fifteen

he had an ex gf of about a year and a half and he lived with her and I think after I kept bringing it up is when I noticed he really lacks the ability to reassure, but he kept trying his best so I applauded that and told him I hope he keeps trying because I appreciate him attempting to be better rather than staying the same since I know he’s had past relationship trauma as well

we are not dating, but just “talking” it’s been about five months of this though and I don’t really want to be in a “talking stage” I don’t think that’s a real thing and I mentioned it and brought it up to him and I kept reinstating im ready

I made a very stupid mistake having sex with him despite us only being “exclusive but not dating” and now I feel really ridiculous and honestly like if I end things like I would just be making a bigger mistake

im in college and ive had a crush on this girl since february but i rarely see her and hadn’t had the chance to talk to her. i usually see her either walking back home while i walk to campus or in the library/outside studying. we’ve exchanged a few glances but never talked. i don’t think we study the same major since i never see her in any classes either. i’ve always found her to be very pretty but never thought there was a good chance to strike up a conversation since i only see her when she’s studying in public around a lot of people/quiet area or when she’s walking back home and i’d have to directly stop her in her path.

im not sure if it’s reasonable to cold approach her given those circumstances and since school is ending really soon i do want to take my chances or else id regret it. i thought giving her a short note saying i thought she was pretty and if she was interested she could reach out to my socials when i see her studying might be the safest approach. but i dont know if that would come off as super creepy since i dont even know if she recognizes me so id be a stranger. i just want to know the best way to spark something without making her uncomfortable

lmk what you guys think ive never done this before

It's not the first time I've been on a date with a a guy that wouldn't stop talking about something they are interested in, but nothing else.

First guy was really into Warhammer - I told him many time I have no idea about what he's talking about and he wouldn't. stop. talking. It wasn't a casual interest sharing, it was a non-stop bombing with information about a subject I had no idea on, nor wanted to know more. I wanted to pivot into other subjects so many times but he just wouldn't let me.

Second guy, more recent, he wouldn't stop talking about his old ass car he renovated for 1.5 hours. I told him many times, I have no idea what he's talking about because I don't know shit about cars - especially the little parts and what they're for. And yet? He kept on going.

Just why? I've tried many times to change the subject to something more universal especially so we could get to know each other better, but it was just impossible. So why do men do this?

27F here.

FOR MEN

I’ve been seeing someone for almost 3 months. According to him, he used to watch porn constantly. Like, get home from work, smoke weed, and spend the rest of the night watching porn and jerking off.

When we started dating, he told me he genuinely lost the desire to watch it. I even told him it was okay if he did, so I don’t think he’s just saying it because he thinks I want to hear it. I’m not exactly thrilled by the idea of a partner watching porn, but as long as it doesn’t affect our sex life and I don’t have to hear about it, I don’t really care.

But he insists he truly doesn’t feel the need for it anymore.

I asked him why, and he said that in past relationships he felt ignored, unwanted, or like girls were always angry with him. He said I’m affectionate, sweet, and make him feel cared about, so now all he craves is me. He basically said he just needed someone to genuinely care about him.

Can the right person actually make someone lose interest in porn? (Not talking about actual addiction cases.)

We can start by saying that I may or may not stalked his accounts and found his snap and he reached out to me first. He was so sweet over text and voice notes but then he kept insisting on me showing my photos I wasn't comfortable with that but had the right to be cautious since I don't have a pp nor a username. Then he kept insisting on calling and I reluctantly agreed but he turned out to be a jerk over the phone and send him a very long message telling him how horrible he was and I added a little bs here and there because I was hurt . The stupid thing is once I cooled down I was so embarrassed and maybe that's just who he is and I still like him. Idk what to do with my feelings dor him I keep checking his socials and it's annoying I still want him.

So, I live in a Tropical country and I met a girl at breakfast. Not a local girl.

Litrially the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She utterly unique in my eyes.

Quick chat and she offered me a seat and exchanged details, I had to go as I had other plans but we chatted a lot and really I've not met someone like this in a looooooooong time, if ever.

Anyway, she wanted to meet me tonight but I was busy because ya know, life! Lol.

After I told her i was busy she told me shes going on a date tonight.

Why would she tell me that? A girl who's clearly well into me and im well into her.

Makes no sense? She's 22 F mongrel like me a 34 M

Is she testing me or is she just to young to realize that its not the done thing. Im not friend zoned so rule that out.

I find ot disrespectful. Or should I look inside myself for the answer?

Plz a female explain this thinking 🙏

What do you do if you can’t get any matches on dating apps, the girls you dm ignore you, and the girls you approach end up ghosting you?

You might say “oh just work on yourself”
But I did that.. 6’3 190lbs making 80k a year and a networth of 400k.

Last girl I spoke to ended things with me and was engaged with another guy within 2 months.

It seems like the older I get the harder dating is, maybe I’m just in my own head at this point.

I just want a girl to build a family & experiences with. Why is this so tough in 2026?

I (20f) have been dating this guy (22m) for about 6 months and I’m feeling a bit confused about the situation and wanted outside perspectives.
Yesterday we had a conversation about where we are going and he told me he doesn’t feel emotionally ready for a relationship, but said he cares about me a lot, doesn’t want to lose me, and that I’m one of the best things that’s happened to him.
He got very emotional during this he was crying, and said he loves me and he doesn’t want to hurt me and that he understands if I decide to end things, even though it would hurt him.

I told him that i also didn’t want to end things and that maybe we can change some things to help me feel more secure in the situation (like him initiating more dates, not only hanging out at his place because it sometimes feels like it becomes mostly physical, and being more consistent with reply times). He said he would work on those things. He also said he wanted to make sure I actually want to stay because he didn’t want to be unfair to me.

I don’t know what to do, i mean i really care about him and i love him but how long is this sustainable for,
I’m just so confused, am i being stupid for staying?

ok so i work at a gym and someone asked for my number along with his friends (happens alot) so i thought nothing of it and was like sure. i realized this kid was 17 and a junior in high school. ive been graduated from high school for a year now for context. but we were talking before i found this out now i kinda feel weird about it. is this an appropriate age gap maybe im overthinking things because i do like the guy but i didnt realize our age gap. any advice?

​

Heads up: No, I dont respond to dms. No, I dont want to be told "youre too young to date, go back to math class!"

Please only give detailed and thoughtful answers.

I am 17, female. I think its time for me to start dating seriously. What are some things you'd recommend, do's and don't If you will, to dating? When looking for a serious relationship, what are some things that need to be said up front? What are some red flags that you should always pay attention to? How can you tell when someone is about to waste your time? How to approach meeting people? I'm personally the type that prefers to stay at home (introverted) so how do I approach the possibility of having to talk to multiple people at once, though id prefer to not talk to anyone at all?

Question to the married: Where did you meet your partner? What was some of your deal breakers? How did you refine your standards?

Suggestions are accepted. Please be thoughtful and kind in your responses.

Hey everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because I’m having a hard time telling if I’m overthinking or if something is actually shifting.
I (early 20s M) have been seeing a girl (early 20s F) for about 2 months. Things moved fairly quickly in the beginning in terms of emotional connection, time spent together, and overall comfort level, but recently things have felt more confusing.
For context, she has been going through a lot:
She just recently graduated and has been dealing with the stress of finishing school
Her stepdad unexpectedly passed away a few weeks ago
She’s been helping support her mom and dealing with grief/family responsibilities on top of everything else
Despite all of that, our connection has generally felt strong. Early on and up until recently, things were going well emotionally and she’s expressed appreciation for me being supportive and present during a difficult time.
For context in our relationship:
I’ve met and spent time with her family during graduation-related events
She has expressed gratitude for me and said I make her feel supported
We’ve been physically affectionate (first kiss, etc.)
She has mentioned future plans involving me (like attending family events)
Up until very recently, everything felt very positive and consistent emotionally.
The shift I’m confused about started this past weekend:
We had a really good date Saturday. She seemed fully engaged and affectionate as usual, but after the movie she seemed very exhausted and ready to go home.
Sunday her energy felt a bit off, but later in the day she became more like herself again and even told me she was “very appreciative of me 🤍”
Monday we went to a Bible study together. During it, there was a lot of discussion about her stepdad and her grief, and she became noticeably more emotional and withdrawn
She still kissed me goodbye and was kind, but she seemed really emotionally overwhelmed
That night, she said she just wanted to take space the next day to “curl up in a ball and not talk to anyone,” and I encouraged her to take that space and not feel obligated to respond to me.
On Tuesday (yesterday), she did take that space but still texted me throughout the day about what she was doing. Her engagement felt lower than usual but she was still in contact.
The main thing that’s stuck with me is last night:
She sent a very short goodnight text
No heart emoji (which she has used consistently for weeks up until now)
She did include a smiley face, but the lack of the heart felt like a noticeable shift
Since then, her texting has felt slightly less engaged overall, though she is still responding and still initiating updates about her day.

What’s throwing me off is:
Nothing feels “bad” or like she’s pulling away completely, but the energy shift is noticeable compared to how consistent and warm things had been before this weekend.
I’m not sure if this is:
Normal emotional exhaustion/grief + life stress + post-intensity comedown
OR
Early signs of her emotionally pulling back / losing interest
I also recognize I may be over-reading small signals (like emojis and tone), but because things moved somewhat quickly early on emotionally, I feel more attached than I expected at this stage.

Would appreciate honest outside perspectives, am I overthinking normal emotional fluctuation, or does this sound like a real shift?

I(F27) started talking to a guy(28) I went to high school with around the end of April. He pursued me first and was very consistent from the beginning. He asked to hang out almost immediately, planned multiple hangouts the first week, paid for everything, texted me goodmorning/goodnight everyday, complimented me a lot, etc. We kissed/made out a few times over the course of us talking, but we never slept together and he never pressured me to.

The issue is that after that first week, the dynamic slowly changed. The texting became more spaced out (2-6 hour reply gaps), he stopped really flirting over text, stopped planning ahead, and a lot of things became “we should do that sometime” without actual follow through. He still consistently texted me everyday, but the connection started feeling emotionally stagnant to me. Like we were just talking to talk. Plus people always say, “When a guy likes you, you won’t be confused, but if you are, he doesn’t.”

At the same time, I started realizing there were real incompatibilities for me personally. He has a child(6) and is in daily contact with his child’s mother (which I understand is normal), who he was with for six years (apparently she did something behind his back and they ended it). But I realized I don’t think I’m emotionally built for that type of dynamic long term. He also still interacts with her business/social media occasionally even though he doesn’t follow her accounts, and while that may not mean anything serious, it still bothered me more than I wanted it to. Then recently this week he watched my story and didn’t reply to my texts.(petty to be bothered by it I know but it did hit a little nerve)

I also noticed that I became way more emotionally attached to the texting/routine than I wanted to be. I’d feel relief when he texted back, anxiety when communication shifted, and I started overanalyzing everything even though logically I wasn’t sure I even wanted a future with him. I have anxious attachment tendencies, but I never acted out on him (never double texted, asked for reassurance, or anything) because I’m pretty good at self regulation. Internally though, I was definitely spiraling more than I should’ve been for a connection that hadn’t even reached a month yet.

So yesterday I stopped replying because I realized the situation was no longer bringing me peace just confusion. But now I feel guilty because he technically didn’t do anything horrible to me. One of the main reasons why I decided to stop replying was because he didn’t seem like the type to talk about emotions or anything because our conversations were always surface level and I felt that explaining myself would’ve done nothing either. So I figured if I stop replying , he probably wouldn’t care much anyway. I just felt like the connection wasn’t progressing, my anxiety would flare, and I didn’t want to get more attached to something I already felt wasn’t aligned for me long term.

Would y’all consider this self sabotage/anxiety getting the best of me?

Specifically one who is kind and nurturing.

Im 18m, I have never had a girlfriend but do have friends who are girls its not like i cant talk to them but i just want something casual are dating apps a good idea? Also which app would be best? I think hinge seems better but feel to give me recommendations. Are 18/19 year old girls on these apps because i genuinely have no clue. But yeah Id love to get any advice, what to expect and what not. Also Im not looking for something other than casual unless it goes really well is that a good mindset to have?

F (37) of M partner (35). I was a virgin due to being very religious most of my life. I was still holding onto the idea of waiting for PIV sex until marriage when we first met/ started dating. He knew this off the bat and said he was okay with it. Of course we fooled around in other ways. I continued to remind him (not in the heat of the moment) what my sexual boundaries were just to keep it clear.

One time he asked if he could rub his penis on the outside. I told him I’d prefer if he had a condom on to do that just to be safe. Which he did. Of course - he slipped his penis inside of me pretty quickly after that.

— given my transparency about my boundaries and sexual history (limited) I very much expected I was consenting only to outside play and not full intercourse.

I did address this with him — but it took me quite a while to process what that encounter meant for me and how express my feelings about it. It was very difficult for him to hear too.
I was definitely upset and expected him to ask for consent to have intercourse instead of an ambiguous “rub”.

Anyway — this is the history of how we started sleeping together.

I’ve been feeling some ambivalence in the relationship- which I’ve communicated. But we’ve still been seeing each other and sleeping together. Last time I saw him, he asked me if he could “rub it on the outside” againnnn. I have to say I hate that damn phrase.

Just be honest about your intention.

I clarified with him, in the moment this time if he was asking for sex without a condom, which was a yes.

I’m not on birth control for other reasons and I’d already told him we need to be extra careful because I am in my fertile window atm.

Honestly-I felt really disrespected that he would even attempt or request unprotected sex with me, A) using that language and knowing our history and the impact it had on the relationship B) since I’ve consistently expressed a very clear wish to avoid an unplanned pregnancy, am not on birth control (he is aware) and informed him we needed to be extra careful that weekend due to being in my fertile window.

I told him condom always. Which he did do. So technically he asked and respected my boundary.

I just feel really unimpressed.

I decided I want to try a matchmaking service instead of dating apps. I’ve been looking into a few of them and I’m leaning toward Tawkify, but I wanted to hear from people who actually used it first.

Hey, so I’m losing my mind and need you to tell me if I’m being an idiot.

I went to this public lecture hosted by mutual friends, then ended up at a bar with the lecturer (35M), his friend (40M), and a girl I know (23F). I know the ages sound weird, but in this group it’s normal — everyone is sort of friends with everyone. Plus, the guy in his fourties is married, so he went drinking with us more like a father figure.

Anyway, originally I was just gonna have a couple drinks with them because the lecturer knows a bunch of people I need for work contacts. But then I accidentally stayed the whole night and lowkey caught feelings for him. Which I normally wouldn’t even act on unless a guy pursues me first. But he sent so many mixed signals that now I’m fucked up about it.

Here’s the confusing stuff:

+ He complimented my hair (two braids — guys love them for some reason), my smile, and my voice. Then felt awkward about telling me. Then an hour later repeated himself, saying my hair and smile “just work together so well.”

+ Got a little jealous when I zoned out texting on my phone — asked if it was some guy texting me (it was lol).

+ Carried my bag, refused to give it to his friend. Seemed generally interested but in a playful way, not crossing any line. He was drunk though, so I figured he’d wake up and we'll never talk again bc he'll remember he’s out of my league socially. (Looks-wise? I don’t know. That’s a touchy subject for me, though I’ve been getting a lot attention lately, so eh probably not fugly)

+ Texted me first the next morning and keept texting me first a couple times. I initiated once. But my replies are way more lively than his — he’s a boring texter. Dry, not playful, might seem a bit off, like he's not really giving it too much attention? Maybe it’s the age gap or he’s just not chronically online.

But here’s the bad part:

- He’s divorced. Pretty sure recently. Wears his ex-wife’s hat — I asked about the hat randomly, and he explained how he hates hats and has a tiny head, and that’s the only one that fits, the one that he took from his ex-wife.

- His ex is genuinely beautiful. And she’s that natural clean granola-girl pretty, while I’m more of a witchy tomboy dirtbag. We’re actually the same genre of girl (outdoorsy history major), but she’s geniunly prettier in every way - skinnier, more graceful, better skin.

- He is handsome and he def knows it - which makes some dudes evil, they rarely know how to handle the attention lol

- Sent me a bunch of pics of his cat and jokingly “congratulated” me on getting on his cat-picture mailing list. And I know for a fact he sends them to other girls. I don’t wanna be one of many girls getting shirtless-adjacent cat pics — not sure if he’s being a fuckboy or just an extrovert attention-seeker, but it annoys me.

- He answers quickly on weekends (5–10 mins), but weekdays take 2–3 hours. He gets online, just doesn’t open my texts. And his replies have been slowing down gradually, which makes me sad. He is a very busy guy, but still - clear sign of him not being that into me.

I'd like to state that I'm very awawre of how insne I sound, it's just I lose my shit every time I actully like a guy. Idk it would make me kind of sad if he’s just using me for validation post-divorce. That being said, I don't know him good enough to be actually hurt by him not being in love with me - and would also be down to just casually fuck him lol (he’s exactly my type physically). I just want to stop overanalyzing and being terrified of what he might say next.

Would it be a bit pathetic and desperate if I asked him out for drinks this weekend? Even though he stopped texting me?