r/datingadvice

It seems like men at 40 and above see ME purely for sex and easy to manipulate.

I don't see them as a gold digging opportunity, quite the opposite.

I had the idea older men would be emotionally stable and calm and zero drama, but they employ subtle manipulation tactics. I've been using dating apps in the US (West coast) and this has been my personal experience.

They know it'd be socially to actually date a woman my age, so therefore they only talk to me if they want a hookup or someone they can control, but never a real relationship and they never have the intention of marriage.

But then men younger than 40, I have preconceived notions about too. Because they are still trying to get it all out of their system if they haven't settled down yet. And then men my age have way less maturity and life experience than me. I guess I need to stop dating

So I’ve been seeing this guy and we have been together like 2 times. He seemed really interested at first but after the second time he keeps having me on delivered for hours mostly the whole day and will only send 1 or 2 messages for a whole day - both times we had sex. What does this mean? I can see he’s online but still leaves me on delivered

Been on a date with a guy once really liked him and I think he really liked me too. We texted a bit back and forth but he hasn’t asked me out yet so I just asked him what he is up to this weekend. Would that be clingy we just met each other for the first time last week.

But just in general-what are some behaviours that seem clingy?

I’m 23 literally never dated before, no first kiss gone on a few dates but lowkey its so embarrassing that I have no dating experience lol.

There’s this guy I’ve been talking to recently and we both think we’re pretty locked in. He’s not only attracted to me but he says how I have a beautiful soul a lot so he likes the deeper aspects of me as well so far. He also says that I’m different from the other women that he would interact with too which is why he’s so interested in me. We both want to commit to eachother and stuff but I have an issue with that.

I’m a nursing student and once classes start, I’m going to be hella busy. I don’t think I would have time for him unless if it’s during breaks or something but idk how long the breaks will be anyway. I also tried looking at spots around campus where we could hangout during those breaks because I would want it to be just us. I would hangout with him outside of nursing school or on the weekends but I can’t because I have strict parents and can’t really get through to them so I would have to wait until I have more freedom. I also can’t move out either and wouldn’t want to so that’s also not an option for me.

As of right now, I’ve been calling him and texting him throughout the day which has been pretty good. We both would want to meet up eventually. He said that he’s okay with everything but I care about him and us plus I would want things to actually last long which is why I’m asking for advice. What’s the best way to manage this situation?

I 29M matched with 28F on Hinge. Conversation was going well and she even dropped her number, saying she wanted to speak with me before we met up.

We've matched on the Sunday and the following day we've spoken on the phone. The conversation went really well and she explained that she is between jobs and was a bit concerned about not being able to contribute anything financially. We both reiterated how excited we were to meet up on the following Sunday.

I told her that I would cover everything and she said once she gets a job she is the type of person to also plan stuff as well. She was quite grateful for me offering to cover the date.

Fast forward to Wednesday (today), she messaged to say that she wants to put things on hold due to a doctor's appointment. I said that was cool. I asked her when she felt like she'd be ready and if I was expected to wait. She said she wouldn't expect anyone to wait for her. I asked her if she knew she wouldn't be able to date due to health, why match with someone and agree to a date, to which she said it was an "evolving situation".

I cant see anything to suggest I did something wrong. I wasn't offensive, didn't even swear on text, didn't ask too many deep/personal questions which I know can scare some people off this soon.

My question is why go through that knowing you cant date? Am I wrong in feeling like this person was a time waster, or am I just undatable?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

So a little bit of context; I asked for this guys number at a grocery store. We were joking around while waiting in a ridiculously long line. Had good chemistry. Have been texting (a little too much for me pre first date but whatever).

I was already hesitant because he lives really far away from me. Then he’s planning our first date and suggests Dave and Busters

Nothing against Dave and Busters but he’s in his early 40s and me in my mid 30s. He offered up other options-like bar hopping.

I’m sorry but if this is his first date energy I don’t want to waste my time. Additional context, I’m the one who asked when we were ACTUALLY going to hang out. I have no doubt he actually likes me which is why I feel bad. He comes on a little strong actually. I just think we are different people.

I want an honest answer from all the guys out there. Why do men love the chase? And once u get the girls attention you stop giving attention to her!

They treat you so well initially always reply within seconds always available and ready to meet. Untill the girl gets attached.

Boom! Now shes attached they'll start behaving weird. Late replies, dry texts and lies! I mean why????
How's this benefiting them? And how should one deal with such men?

I (24f) have been single for 3 years now. Hitting that anniversary mark has made me really start to look deeper into my dating life. My last relationship started when I was 17 and lasted to 21. We lived together for ~3 of those years, got along well, and didn't fight other than a few spats here and there. However, we wanted different things out of life and it was a very lonely and one-sided relationship so I decided to walk away. We were very close and it took me a while to start to look at other men romantically/sexually again. This also made me reflect a lot on what worked and didn't work in the relationship and what I want in a partner. I love very deeply and I am not one to hop into something short term. (Not to say that I haven't enjoyed a casual sexual relationship or two, but if I want someone romantically I pursue them much differently) About a year after that breakup, so 2 years ago, I reentered the dating pool. I work/school from home, my hobbies are very female dominated, and I'm not big on drinking other than occasions so I don't meet a lot of men in public, so dating apps have been my primary way to find single men. I do occasionally go out dancing with my friends, do public activities such as rock climbing, and have one in person class for college but men typically just stare at me and never make a move in person. Not to toot my own horn, but I consider myself to be quite a catch. In my own opinion anyway, I am attractive, have a good job, my own place and car, work out frequently, and love to love. That last part is what I'm struggling with the most. I want to love someone and dote on them but I did that for so many years with someone who never showed any appreciation to it. Because I know I have a lot to give and want to invest so deeply into someone, I keep my standards high. I have the basic non-negotiables that I feel most women my age have like they have to have good hygiene, a car, job, etc. I'd also like to be with someone that is intentional about bettering themselves the way that I am, be at least decent to look at, and most importantly of all, someone that shares my views on a relationship. I want to love and to be loved. Obviously that isn't going to happen a few dates in, but my experiences have not been great when it comes to finding someone like this. I've had a couple instances so far where I meet someone who I think could really be the one, only to find out I was being led on and end up ghosted after we sleep together. This really takes a toll on me and every time this has happened I need to take a break from dating. I've had multiple occasions of men saying some variation of "I've never met anyone like you/I've never felt this way before" all for it to end abruptly weeks/months later. I even had one guy visiting my city that was supposed to be just a one time date for fun fly me out to stay with him for a week and play house/do all kinds of romantic shit, just for him to tell me he didn't think he wanted to do long distance on the way to the airport. It's starting to wear on me and I know that I'm still young but I'm starting to lose hope that the kind of man I'm looking for just doesn't exist. With the way that dating is now, a new experience with a new person is just a swipe away. Why would anyone invest fully into someone when there could be a better option out there? This is something that I find myself thinking often and it's making me want to just give up. I guess I just don't know what to do at this point. I'll keep trying because the romantic in me still hasn't given up but I'm getting close. People around me have said that men my age just aren't ready to "settle down" in that capacity but I don't want to have to wait until I'm 30+ to experience love again. Are my standards too high? Should I start going out more to meet people? Any advice from older women who have experienced this or even men that share these sentiments would be greatly appreciated. Either way thanks for reading, I know this was a longer one.

I get wanting attraction to grow. However you shouldn’t be dating someone you aren’t attracted to. Why not just be friends with them first and see if it grows? It seems so selfish and hurtful to date someone you’re not attracted to for weeks or months.

I joined CupidFeel mostly because I was bored and wanted to see what the conversations were actually like.

The first thing I noticed was that it feels more like a place to talk than the usual swipe-and-match thing. Some conversations were boring, obviously, but a couple of people were really interesting and I ended up coming back to the same chats later.

The credit system is probably the part I'd want to understand better before spending much. I didn't mind testing it, but I can see how the costs could add up if you're chatting a lot.

I would say my experience so far has been pretty good, but there have been some good and bad points, just like with online dating.

I'd like to know if people who've used CupidFeel for a long time have actually managed to meet someone they want to keep talking to.

When I was in my teens, I never thought I was good at studies. I always felt like I wasn't in the "top 20%" of men that most 80% women usually go for. So, instead of chasing romance, I started working around the age of 20. I completely focused on building myself and my career. I shut off my interest in relationships and romance entirely.

Now that I am 28, for the past 2 years, I have started to feel like a relationship isn't a bad thing. I think I should at least try.

But here is my biggest mental block: I cannot accept someone's past.

I know this is a bad mindset. I know everyone has a history. I also know that I don't have "major" things to offer (I am not rich, not a high-status person). But the one thing I do know about myself is that I am intensely loyal.

Is this a bad thing? Is it better to just workout 6 days a week stay single than to try and force something when I feel this way? I also don't feel emotions the way I think I'm supposed to—I don't feel that "love" feeling, and I'm not sure if I ever will.

I guess my questions are:

1. How do I get over this mental block about a partner's past?
2. Am I being unrealistic or hypocritical?
3. Has anyone else felt this way and managed to change their perspective?

I just want to be honest with myself. Looking for genuine advice.

Hi, so recently I (F 28) have been trying out a new dating app, and I met a guy (M 33) (whose profile pretty much matches my type + he’s really hot). Our conversation took a little while to really get going at first. After overcoming this stage we were talking pretty intensely about different topics. I was getting really intrigued by his thoughts and his way of writing. After a while of writing the conversation took an unexpected turn and started getting rather spicy…

After that we decided that we wanted to meet up. He suggested we could get to know each other AND have some fun (if you know what I mean…). That wasn’t really my plan, but I liked him, and it felt right, so why not?

So long story short, we had our first date, though we didn’t really do “date” stuff… We ended up at his place, and it was pretty hot and pretty good. I stayed the night, and he drove me home the next day. We shared a goodbye kiss, and I asked if we’d see each other again, to which he agreed. After that, we exchanged a few more messages and things got spicy again for a moment. But since then, there’s been a sort of radio silence.

Now I’m totally unsure whether I should text him again (and what?) or if I should just wait to see if he texts me? I don’t want to annoy him and I’m unsure. My dating experiences so far have been… well… meh… I certainly don’t regret the date, we had fun and it was good, even if it wasn’t conventional. But I’m an overthinker and I’d just really like to know where we stand, to get this off my mind. Will we see each other again? Is this purely sexual? Is there potential for more? Or is that it, is he not interested? I could live with any of those outcomes, but this uncertainty is eating me up. My thoughts keep circling around whether he just said yes to my question out of politeness. I find it really hard to read his feelings. Is it normal not to text each other for a few days, or should I take that as a sign? (I mean, in real life, I don’t text my friends every day either, and we all have lives outside of this, friends, work, hobbies, whatever.)

I know that’s a lot of questions… I’d appreciate any advice or opinions.

Hey all, do you ever stop messaging someone bc they consistently take a while to message back?

I’m a guy- I’ve kinda ghosted women on apps bc they take far too long to reply in say 3 different messages. Is this wrong and wonder if others do
The same: both men and women?

Obviously I can bypass the length if they actually add depth in reply to the convo but if they just send lazy texts and take say 2 days to reply- I kinda stop.

Wonder if this is normal? I’ve found I tend to do best with women that are willing to be prompt about replying and show “clear” interest. Sometimes I can just tell she’s just replying to reply and not putting much effort into convo so I’ll just stop sending bc it seems pointless.

When I was in my teens, I never thought I was good at studies. I always felt like I wasn't in the "top 20%" of men that most 80% women usually go for. So, instead of chasing romance, I started working around the age of 20. I completely focused on building myself and my career. I shut off my interest in relationships and romance entirely.

Now that I am 28, for the past 2 years, I have started to feel like a relationship isn't a bad thing. I think I should at least try.

But here is my biggest mental block: I cannot accept someone's past.

I know this is a bad mindset. I know everyone has a history. I also know that I don't have "major" things to offer (I am not rich, not a high-status person). But the one thing I do know about myself is that I am intensely loyal.

Is this a bad thing? Is it better to just workout 6 days a week stay single than to try and force something when I feel this way? I also don't feel emotions the way I think I'm supposed to—I don't feel that "love" feeling, and I'm not sure if I ever will.

I guess my questions are:

1. How do I get over this mental block about a partner's past?
2. Am I being unrealistic or hypocritical?
3. Has anyone else felt this way and managed to change their perspective?

I just want to be honest with myself. Looking for genuine advice.

This is a lil embarrassing but I’m going on a 4th date with a girl I really like and we haven’t broken the hold hands or kiss barrier. We’ve hugged but nothing further. I am very femme presenting and she is less femme presenting as I am.

For context, I grew up in a family that was not at all touchy feely, we didn’t really hug or anything. I have trouble initiating physical touch and even hugging close friends is difficult sometimes. I want it SO bad but at the same time am scared.

I really want to kiss her this date and for sure hold hands. I thought she’d initiate but I’m wondering if it’s also because she’s also as anxious/scared as I am? Also looking for advice to make sure dates are DATES and not platonic. TIA!!

So I (29 F) met (27 M) a few weeks ago. We have been on a couple of dates. He is very sweet and has autism like me. I want to know is it to fast to take things to the next level as in sex wise? This is my first real relationship.

I'm a high school girl and will not date until I'm an adult. However, so many of my friends are in relationships, so I feel like I'll be behind when I'm in college. Is this something I should worry about?

I went on my first ever date in my life and I'm absolutely petrified. She was extremely fun and I absolutely loved spending time with her, listening to her be a nerd and her singing her favourite songs to me. I haven't heard back from her yet and I'm super worried, we had a great time and the date ended really well. It's been stressing me out all day and I'm not sure if I messed up since this is the first time I've ever done this and I'm not sure if I completely messed things up with her already. I've been stressing myself out about it all day waiting for her to reach out. I'm trying really hard to hold back my tears right now cause I'm worried we won't have a second date.