u/Croisslayer

Ladiessss, please check your man's phone !!!

Shoutout to my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend for providing the absolute peak comedy of the year.

We made things official at the end of May. By August, this absolute mastermind decides to hand over his Instagram password, presumably to prove what a loyal, transparent, golden-retriever boyfriend he is.

Well, I took a little stroll down memory lane to July 11th (barely six weeks into us dating, mind you), and what do I find at 1:20 in the morning?

The context makes it ten times worse: I had an early morning flight the next day, so I had gone to sleep early. The literal second my eyes were closed and I wasn't available to give him attention, our boy immediately scrambled into another girl’s DMs to drop the most aggressively embarrassing pickup line known to mankind:

Him: "Damn, queen traits"

Her: "But why queen?"

Him: "Only a queen can withold such a beauty in herself"

First of all, you can’t even spell "withhold." Second of all, what Wattpad fanfiction did you crawl out of at 1:20 AM while your girlfriend was resting for travel? The sheer, unadulterated cringe alone is grounds for immediate termination, but the opportunistic disrespect makes it effortless. The minute I wasn't texting back, his hand was shaking to get validation from a stranger.

The funniest part? He genuinely thought he was in the clear because he handed over his password a month later. Bro either forgot he was out here acting like a thirsty Victorian poet in other women's inboxes, or his brain genuinely operates on dial-up internet speed.

I’m not even going to waste my breath arguing, yelling, or listening to the inevitable "b-b-but it was just a compliment!" and "why would I give you my password if I was hiding something?!" rehearsed speech.

I am simply dropping this screenshot into our chat, telling him his "queen" is waiting for him, and blocking his number into oblivion.

Go roam free, Shakespeare. The streets are calling.

Honestly just laughing at this point because men are something else.

We made things official around late May. In August, he gave me access to his Instagram account, I guess thinking he had nothing to hide and wanted to seem like the world's most transparent partner.

Anyway, I was looking through old DMs and found a chat from July 11th, barely a month and a half after we started dating.

The context makes it so much worse: I had an early morning flight the next day, so I went to sleep early that night. Literally the second I'm asleep and not giving him attention, this man hops onto Instagram at 1:20 AM and replies to some girl’s story:

Him: "Damn, queen traits"

Her: "But why queen?"

Him: "Only a queen can withold such a beauty in herself"

Only a queen can withold such a beauty in herself" bro what Wattpad novel did you pull that from at 1 in the morning 😭 Can't even spell "withhold" right.

The next day they just moved on to talking about football, but the fact that his immediate instinct the moment I was asleep was to slide in and drop pickup lines on another girl is insane to me.

He gave me his password a month later so he either genuinely forgot he typed this embarrassing mess, thought I wouldn't scroll back to July, or is just completely brainless.

I’m not even going to sit through the inevitable "it was just a harmless compliment" or "why would I give you my account if I was doing something wrong" excuses. Just sending the screenshot to our chat, telling him to go be with his queen, and blocking him.

Trash really takes itself out.

We’ve been dating for 3 months. Yesterday, on his birthday, his ex dramatically tracked him down to return the book he gave her on their first date. Queue the trembling hands, the cinematic sigh, and the tragic monologue about how deeply her soul bled to hand it back. Absolute Oscar-worthy theater.

​(Mind you, they broke up in January, had "closure" in April, and she was still blowing up his phone in July. The saga never ends.)

​My boyfriend’s grand response to this emotional terrorism?

He looked me in the eye and solemnly explained just how profoundly hurt she was.

​Followed immediately by:

​"She’s really not a bad person... I actually want us to be super close friends!"

​Ah, yes. The classic "platonic bond" forged in the fires of her infinite agony and first-date literature. My heart bleeds for them both.

​I just smiled warmly and gave my full support... mostly because I had the blissful, breathtaking realization that I am never, ever going to marry this man. 💅

​Should I send her a thank-you card for breaking the spell, or just hand him his walking papers now?

Hey everyone,

I need some gift ideas for my boyfriend!

Here is the situation: He is working full-time and earns a really good salary, so whenever he wants or needs something, he usually just buys it for himself.

On the other hand, I am currently still in college, so my budget is pretty limited compared to his.

I feel super intimidated trying to buy him material stuff or tech because I know he could easily afford a much higher-end version of whatever I get him.

For those of you who have been in a similar situation (or if you’re the partner with the higher income), what are some gifts that actually mean a lot?

Should I focus more on sentimental/handmade stuff, desk/office essentials, or planning an experience/date for us? Any specific ideas that hit the sweet spot between thoughtful and practical would be super helpful!

Thanks in advance!