r/TwoHotTakes

This is probably an odd question and I very well could potentially be TAH, but I just wanted to gather some opinions.

My grandma has a lot of health issues, she can drive but she tries not to as she knows it not safe, I really commend her for that, we need more senior citizens to realize this. My grandparents are home bodies, they don’t go out and do much and are home pretty much 24/7 together.

My grandma has this “I don’t want to be a burden” mentality, which I know many people as they age get, and I have a lot of sympathy for. I know getting older and having to rely on others for things probably takes a big toll on your mental health and your confidence.

Recently grandma has been asking nearby family (grandkids as her own kids live out of state) to bring her to her appointments that are typically 30+ minute drives one way. There’s 2 grandkids and their spouses that live nearby, my sister and her husband and little kids, and husband and I, expecting first kid in 2 months. It’s not always convenient for us to bring her places as husband and I work full time jobs, and the other family has little kids.

My grandpa on the other hand, is home 24/7 and can drive, they go out to dinner once a week, he’s always doing house projects, etc. To be fair I have seen him say he can’t do something because “it’s when the game is on” and so on. Grandma doesn’t ask him as she doesn’t want to burden him.

This is where I wonder if I’m TAH. My sister reached out to me and asked if we could pick up grandma and bring her with husband and I to our baby shower this weekend, and bring her home after. I let her know we’d probably have a packed car on the way home and wouldn’t have room for a 3rd person, we could bring her there if grandpa has things going on. I asked why grandpa couldn’t bring her, and sister said “Not sure, she just asked me to bring her, but I’m going an hour early to help set up, I know it’s not ideal but if you could drive her that would be great”. We called my grandpa and asked what he had going on that day and he said nothing, and that grandma never asked him to give her a ride there and back.

Would husband and I be TAH if we told grandma we can’t bring her and she needs to ask grandpa? It’s getting a bit old her refusing to ask him for help because she doesn’t want to burden him, but she’s asking her grandkids who have busy lives and can’t always work around her needs. I feel at some point she needs to get over her fear of being a burden to her husband and be okay asking him for favors, since he’s the one who’s going to always be available 24/7.

Edit: Adding an edit in here as a lot of the comments are suggesting some things husband and I didn’t consider. Sounds like we should be having a conversation with grandpa about possibly why grandma doesn’t want to ask him. We shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions about her not wanting to feel like a burden, and maybe considered HE is the one making her feel like a burden, and that makes sense. I’m going to talk to my sister and my husband and see if we can figure out a way to bring this up to grandpa. Some things people brought up that I would like to talk to him about;

-she doesn’t feel safe riding with him.

-he makes her feel bad when she asks.

-she doesn’t ask because of the history of reactions to her asking.

I appreciate everyone’s input, sounds like there was more than we were considering and I appreciate those who kindly brought those to my attention.

It might come off a little selfish writing this, but I just don’t think our team should be rescheduling WORK events to fit the schedule of a non employee.

I work with a great team. They’re all pretty cool, we get along well and our team is pretty small within a pretty small department for our larger company. I am newer to this team but not to the department. I came from our main office. One thing I have noticed with this team is that we have a part time coworker who feels like her husband should be included in our functions.

A couple months ago we had a meeting announced to us. It was going to be a “lunch time” meeting to discuss some changes and work things. The coworker, Cece, asked if her husband could join us and what the menu would be. She was reminded it was a work hours thing and she kinda slumped her shoulders and said “ok.” Then came back to the office and let him know he couldn’t come (over the phone).

This week we are having another work function. Originally it was supposed to be lunch to get together as a team, catch up, celebrate and hang out. Well Cece let us know her husband really didn’t wanna miss this one and lunch was just not going to work for Wednesday and asked if Thursday dinner was acceptable. Our boss approved because nobody rejected, but I just keep thinking about how we have WORK functions either during or after working hours and Cece’s husband has to be part of them. Our department is small and a lot of coworkers know each other’s personal lives on some level. We have met a majority of each other’s spouses, partners, kids, some parents, etc but Cece is the only team member whose husband has to have an active role in our functions.

Maybe it sounds selfish, but I feel like not every function needs to include Cece’s husband. Especially when, from my understanding, he’s a pretty busy guy who runs youth groups and charity events and things. If Cece wanted to spend time with her husband regularly she could invite him to eat with her in one of our building’s 4 lunch rooms. His office is across the street and half a block down from ours. An 8 minute walk from our office. Or she could go to his office for lunch.

I should add that I don’t have anything against Cece’s husband. He genuinely seems like a nice guy and we get along. I’m not entirely sure if she is asking on his behalf then telling him to come along or if he is asking to join our events, but it feels a bit pushy sometimes to make room for or reschedule whole events for someone who doesn’t work for/with us, doesn’t plan to and then sits there quietly and answers everything with one word answers.

So this morning I get woken up at 7:15am by my girlfriend, (Rachel), saying that her friend (Ashley) was stopping by to use the bathroom on the way to work and was letting me know because it would be loud, because Ashley is loud as fuck. I do not like Ashley, not even a little. So I immediately leave until she’s gone because I’m not starting my day to the sound of her loud ass voice.

Who stops by someone’s house that early knowing everyone is getting ready for the day.

The reason I don’t like this woman is because every time we’ve hung out as couples, she always brings up my girlfriend’s ex. I’m talking lengthy conversations and just keeps it going. I set there once for 30 minutes listening to the 3 of them talk and I had nothing ti contribute. I haven’t been back around the friend since.

When I get back home I get screamed at and berated for being a coward and trying to control who she’s friends with. I told her she could hang out with her whenever she wanted but not to expect me to go and that 7am bathroom stops were not going to happen anymore.

Especially the fact that she told me to be ready for it being loud, like how about Ashley adjusting herself to the environment and respecting someone else’s home. I will absolutely not ‘adjust’ to someone else’s in my own home.

She says Ashley is just an ‘outspoken woman’ and I can’t handle ‘strong women’.

So now it’s come down to if I’m home she has no business coming to our house. So am I the asshole?

*****edit for some clarification*****

- we live together. My gf was there the entire time. It was her apartment, I moved in. She lost her job 4 months ago, I’ve been paying 100% of the bills.

- there were no drugs involved. Friend was on her way to work and said she needed to stop and use bathroom.

- after I returned home(I was gone 10 min) she was screaming as soon as I got there. Which led to me screaming back then we were both assholes that kept escalating the issue.

- on the occasions the friend brought up the ex, it was awfully convenient that it was right after we had a disagreement about her relationship with him(they have kids together but I thought they were entirely too friendly, that entire conversation my girlfriend had all kinds to add about he exs current personal life) almost like she knew exactly what to bring up. Rachel has been divorced for 20 years. She was with another guy for 8 years before me, which was Ashley’s cousin, but yet she never mentioned the most recent ex.

- This was a one off thing. She’s never stopped to use the bathroom like that before. When I left, she had already pulled up, sitting in her car, she wasn’t racing to the toilet by any means. She was being vindictive.

- I left because I’m not a morning person and was woken up to the warning of a person that has blatantly disrespected myself and my relationship so I thought it best to leave because I knew there was a good chance she’d try to push some buttons and under my current state of mind it might have worked. So I dipped for 10 min.

***edit 2 typo****

- divorced 10 years not 20. And for those of you being hung up on the age or me not liking sitting in the middle of a conversation about my partner’s ex for 30 min like that’s the important part, I’ll give you Ashley’s number, that’s your people.

***update and final edit***

Set down with gf and had a talk after we had calmed down and had time to think. After hearing me out, she agrees her friend is fucked up. After that realization she started connecting other dots, and it appears this problem solved itself. I appreciate all the comments, even the AH’s that decided to take certain things out of context and focus on that, I hope you get to experience what I just did, and I hope it’s at an old age. ✌️

my (27F) partner (23NB) started seeing each other in February after meeting through my best friend, they work together and live in the same place. I visit frequently, before we were were together, to see my friend. Since we started seeing each other we have been able to so weekend visits every couple weeks, but im finding as things are getting more serious, i’m getting very anxious before our visits. They arrive today and I threw up last night just thinking … can i do this?

the last thing i want is to drag along this person that i’ve fallen in love with, but I’m worried the circumstances of the distance are taking too much of a toll on my mental health. Im finding myself looking ahead, if i commit one of us will eventually have to move, and i’m not ready to move or even think about moving and neither are they.

Has anyone experienced something like this before? The anxiety before visiting each other (more than nervous like panicking lol)? Context: i have severe anxiety already, i am in treatment and medicated well, stable. But im easily triggered by changes in my life. I just don’t know if I can do this. I have no doubt about our feelings for each other. So far literally everything has been beautiful and perfect, im amazed by them and am learning from them more and more what i want in a loving relationship. I just don’t know if I can make the distance work for me.

Any and all advice welcome PLEASE THEY GET HERE TODAY LOL

I, a 27-year-old male, find myself in a situation I never could have anticipated.

Today, a woman I met on a dating app messaged me asking for a favor. I was understandably skeptical — the last thing she had said to me was: *"In all honesty, kindly go fuck yourself and never talk to me again."* Still, I agreed to hear her out.

She asked me to take a paternity test.

She said the child is most likely not mine, but the date we were together was October 6th, 2024, and she met her ex in late October. Apparently, her ex recently decided he didn't see a future with her and left. She now wants to sue for child support but needs to confirm whether her daughter is actually his.

---

**How We Met**

She lives a few houses away from my grandparents. I had originally planned to visit my grandparents that day, and she was a first date I had lined up through a dating app afterward. However, the day took a very different turn — I had a massive family feud with my grandmother, one I still haven't resolved to this day. I hadn't slept at all the night before. I was in a very dark place. We hooked up, and then, caught up in the family conflict and a deep depression I was going through at the time, I dissociated and simply forgot to message her for about three weeks.

Eventually, she slid into my DMs. She told me she was pregnant but that it wasn't mine — that it dated back to before we met. She also asked if we were still a thing. I didn't respond. My depression had me sleeping until 3 PM and going back to bed by 11 PM. I was barely functioning.

A few weeks later, when I was doing a bit better, I reached out to check on how the pregnancy had gone. She told me she had met a boyfriend in October 2024, and that she had actually had a miscarriage — meaning the dates didn't coincide with our encounter. She said she was going to have a happy life with her child and the baby's father.

I had only known this woman for the equivalent of maybe six hours total. I accepted what she said and moved on.

---

**Months Passed**

Her social media was full of photos celebrating motherhood — her ex-boyfriend holding the baby, happy family pictures. Then, about nine months later, those same photos were still showing the baby's father actively involved.

Meanwhile, my life had turned around. I had been working as a special care counsellor when we met. I went back to school and earned an IT certification diploma, which I'm currently finishing. I've worked student jobs my entire adult life and am on student loans — roughly $1,200 CAD per month, which is barely enough to live on.

In December 2025, I met someone wonderful. We fell in love and moved in together in April 2025. We recently shopped for engagement rings, and her parents are offering us a trip to France where I plan to propose. We have worked incredibly hard to build our life together. We had long ago ruled out any possibility of me having a child, based on everything the woman from this story had told me.

---

**Today's Bombshell**

Now I'm being told the opposite. She says the more she thinks about it, the more she believes I could be the father. She admitted the miscarriage story may not have been true — she might have said it because she was angry that I had ghosted her. She also disclosed that she has polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which made her feel like she had to keep the baby since conceiving naturally is so rare with her condition. It felt like fate to her.

For context: she lives with both her parents, has no high school diploma, no driver's license, and shares the home with a brother who has a history of threatening and violent behavior toward her.

She says if I turn out to be the father, she won't ask for anything — no money, nothing — as long as I don't pursue shared custody. I told her honestly that even if I wanted to contribute financially, I legally have no taxable income. My student loans are assessed based on my parents' income, and I don't qualify for welfare because I've never worked full-time for more than two years consecutively without being a student. I have nothing to give.

---

**Could The Child Be Mine?**

The timeline tells an interesting story. Our encounter was on October 6th, 2024, and the child was born on July 23rd, 2025 at 38.1 weeks of pregnancy. According to an ultrasound appointment on December 17th, 2024, she was confirmed to be 7 weeks, nearly 8 weeks pregnant. Counting back 7 to 8 weeks from December 17th places conception between late October and early November 2024 — which is after our encounter on October 6th, and aligns directly with when she met her ex in late October. Both the ultrasound date and the birth date consistently point to her ex being the father rather than me. However, it is worth noting that polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) can cause irregular ovulation and unpredictable cycles, which makes pinpointing an exact conception date significantly more difficult and less reliable. This means that while the dates lean toward her ex, they cannot entirely rule me out. That said, when I compare photos, the baby shares no visible features with me and strongly resembles both her mother and the man who has been there since day one. On top of that, her ex is listed as the father on the birth certificate and has been present since the very first month of pregnancy.

---

**The Complication**

She needs the DNA test not for my sake, but so she can determine whether to sue her ex for child support. In other words, I'm being pulled into a legal and emotional situation that was never about me — until her perfect family picture fell apart.

---

**Where I Stand**

Having finally gotten my life together after years of struggle, this situation hits especially hard. Part of me wants to take the test. I grew up with a father who walked out, worked under the table to dodge child support payments, and used me as a pawn. I don't want any child to suffer the way I did, whether or not that child is mine.

But I also can't ignore how this feels. I knew this woman for a matter of hours. She told me definitively the child wasn't mine. I moved on, rebuilt my life, and am now on the verge of getting engaged. And now — only after her relationship collapsed — I'm suddenly back in the picture?

My partner is in tears. We are consulting a lawyer.

**I genuinely don't know what to do. Should I take the test? And am I wrong for feeling used?**

Update : after reading all your posts. I have decided to wait this one out. No I will not block her. But I won't do a paternity test. The child may be mine but its very unlikely. Therefore I will tell her to deal with the current father. Being the legal father on the birth certificate. Then if a negative test comes by. I will happily pass a test. I will update this post when/if anything changes in the situation.

update2: Talked with my partner yesterday evening. We decided to maybe do the test but see a lawyer first. So far the woman says she wants full custody and doesn't want me to have anything to do with the child. Me and my partner would like to pass to the test to have peace of mind. Also, as some of you pointed out (unless she is lying) the dates do not add up. Its nearly impossible I am the dad. My partner wrote to her this morning that I may or not take the test but need time to think. The baby momma replied she understands. I won't have any more contact with her until I see lawyer. If the child is actually mine and she wants me to contribute my part that's fine (as long as its mine). That being said she seems to be considering me no different than a sperm donor and never gave me any say from the start. Will see with the lawyer what are the next steps. So far the baby momma seems to want me to renounce my rights if I am the dad. Which is fine but I don't want her to changer her mind back and forth and live in doubt my whole life. So would need a contract with her decision on paper. I don't have any problem taking responsibility but I need things to be fair, clear and precise. No this yoyo back and forth.

I (24f) live in a 2 story townhouse with 3 roommates who I met last year in my grad school classes (24f, 25f, and 23m). Two of my roommates, Alice and Jamie, (24f and 23m) are in a long term relationship and brought a lot of shared items from their former home (which they lived in alone) to our current place.

This morning, I left for class after my roommates and used the restroom right before leaving. Jamie works from home full time and texted all of the roommates about a leak in the kitchen ceiling about 15 minutes after I left. In that time, my toilet overflowed and leaked through the floor and into the ceiling. It was an ungodly amount of water. I had no idea what to do. I had to stay in a mandatory class for two hours, but got home as soon as I could. By the time I arrived home, my roommates had thrown out a toaster oven and instant pot because they got wet. They later sat down with me and asked that I pay them back full price for the original retail value of the appliances even after acknowledging that the leak was “technically nobodies fault”.

I researched the prices of the two appliances, and the current retail value is nearly $500. I am a work study student with no additional support, so this is not a small amount of money by any means. My roommates said they would understand a payment plan and I fully intend to help offset the costs in some way, but I feel as though paying full retail price by myself would not be fair for a few reasons:

Jamie and Alice owned these items for over a year before we ever shared them.

Jamie and Alice had the ability to add on personal item protection to our renter insurance, but chose not to do so.

Jamie works full time.

So, WIBTA if I offered to pay only some of the retail price or to buy comparable replacements, rather than settling on paying the full price?

I (F22) have been dating B (F22) since August. I’ve known her for 10 years since we’re in 6th grade, however we only started dating last year when I hit her up in April, we first hung out in May and then really solidified things in August.

In the beginning everything was amazing, the dates, the quality time, just being around her, the sex, but now I feel like everything BUT the sex is. It started when she would want to do it every time we saw each other. We see each other every other week since she lives an hour away and only she drives, it just works well with both of our schedules. Then, now last week I realized I’m not even sexually attracted to her at all. My reasoning for breaking up is there’s no sexual connection and I’m unsure with what I want sexually right now. (I am a bisexual woman, who has only been with men the past.)

There was one time we were talking about it, she had said something like “Maybe you really like hanging out with me and doing all the things we do, ex: we always split dates or hang outs 50/50, one week i’ll pay then she will the next. but just not anything sexual with me” and in the moment I said I didn’t know” she slightly jaw dropped and said “At least you’re honest.” Just to give back story that this wouldn’t be just coming out of the blue.

Now I am fully set and last weekend I spent the night with my bestie and we spent hours talking about it.

The only thing I’m concerned about is “Have I waited too long to tell her?” because I was only waiting for Friday so I can tell her in person. I feel like it’s a shitty thing to do over text or call when you can talk it more out in person. But then again, why have I just been sitting on it, talking to her knowing I’m planning on breaking up with her the next time I see her when I can spare her time. We have planned to see a movie this Friday and that’s something we kind of have been doing the night every weekend I see her. I’m just thinking I’ll feel bad if she gets the tickets, picks me up, I break up with her, and the possibility of her not even wanting me to spend the night with her after, but she already drove an hour TO see me. BUT then it circles back to it being a shitty thing to do over the phone, I don’t feel like that’s the right thing to do and in person we both have more room to express our feelings fully.

First time poster here. I, 31 YOF, have been dating my fiance, 35 YOM, since last October and our wedding is planned for early August of this year. I was hoping people wouldn't judge us for getting married so fast. My brother, 36 YOM, has been dating his girlfriend, 29 YOF for 2 months and he just told me he wants to propose.

 

At first I thought to myself, "I'm happy for him, he's been waiting so long to find love." But honestly... so have I. Here's the kicker: He asked to get drinks last night and ended up telling me he wants to get married TWO WEEKS before my wedding. Suddenly I don't feel so embarrassed for not even knowing my fiance for a year. My knee jerk reaction was to be supportive. I'm so terrified of falling into the "bridezilla" stereotype.

 

Now I'm cornered into a position where I'm afraid to be confrontational because it shatters the chill, unbothered, drama-free aura that I'm trying to maintain. I was very understanding and supportive in the moment, but I did raise a couple of concerns to my brother. 1) Our mother's mental health is delicate and tends to unravel around big life events. 2) I will have to move my bachelorette.

I haven't even gotten to the worse part yet. I asked him where they will live and this requires a little backstory. My parents have 2 houses and one of them is paid for and close to town, the other is out in the country. My brother knows he will inherit the house in town when my parents pass. He ends up telling me that he wants to ask my parents to move into the house in town.

 

I was confused and asked, "haven't you been saving up a down payment for a home?" Well, turns out he doesn't have enough credit history, and his girlfriend's credit was supposedly ruined by her ex. So they want my parents to move to the house out in the country so they can rent the house in town from my parents. Y'all, my dad has heart disease and my mom will be further from her grandkids. I'm praying my parents put their foot down on this one.

Oh, and get this. My bachelorette party was supposed to be the evening my brother wants to get married. So I am having to text all my bridesmaids and see if they can reschedule. Now one of my besties from out of town likely can't come.

How do I navigate this without being accused of being a bitch? I've talked to my parents about this and they are just expecting me to be understanding and supportive.

First off, thank you to everyone who validated how insane my last post was. To recap, my roommate "Michael" (30F) holding the washing machine hostage, trashing the kitchen, throwing up in the sinks because the toilet "grossed him out," breaking our bathroom door, and dodging utilities. I contracted H. pylori from his lack of hygiene and almost dropped out of school from the stress. Then, he left the country for a month with one night's notice.
Well, rent day came while he was gone. He didn't send his share. We called him, and this man literally said, "Why would I pay rent when I'm not using the room? You guys figure it out."
So, we did. We packed up his stuff, deep cleaned his room (where we found used condoms left behind, absolutely disgusting and that is literally the least disgusting thing we found), and rented the room out to a new tenant so we wouldn't drown financially. Michael told us on the phone his girlfriend would come get his stuff, but she never showed, he said he will send someone else and send us his keys back and he never did.
Two weeks later, at 10 PM, Michael just... walked into our apartment using his key. He opened his old bedroom door, saw someone else living there, and coward yielded out. He just said he "had stuff to do" and left, saying we'd talk the next day.
The next day, he showed up completely drunk, holding beer (we are an alcohol free house since i am a recovering alcoholic) , and demanding his room back. He started screaming and lying, saying he never agreed to give up his room, and even claimed he tried to pay rent but my boyfriend refused the money! The new roommates almost got into a physical fight with him because of how disrespectful he was. I screamed at him too because I couldnt handle the lies. I was so angry I actually had to leave and go to a friend's house.
My boyfriend stayed. Michael finally agreed to take his deposit back, stay on our living room couch until he found a place, and said he'd come back that night to sleep. He never showed up.
The next morning, I was deep cleaning the house and we had friends over. Suddenly, my partner comes upstairs and says, "Michael called the police, they are coming up right now."
Michael told the cops we kicked him out and rented his room without permission. At first, I was so stressed I forgot about our message history and just told the cop everything saying we agreed verbally. The cop said since I didn't have immediate proof, he might have to take me and my boyfriend to jail. My heart was in my throat. But then, I dug through my phone and found the text proof.
The second the officer saw the proof, the tables completely turned. The cop turned to Michael, told him he was entirely in the wrong, and told him he had to leave. Michael immediately flipped into victim mode and started crying fake tears.
Even then, the audacity didn't stop. Michael tried to tell my boyfriend that he "betrayed" him. On the night he was drunk, he actually tried to claim I was the dirty one, trying to use my period against me and claiming I leave the toilet bloody this coming from the man who gave me a fecal oral bacterial infection!
When the cop told him to hand over the apartment keys, Michael refused. The officer literally had to rip the keys out of his hand.
In the end, we handed him his deposit and his packed bags right in front of the police officer. He is officially gone, we have his keys, and he can never come back and i hope i never see him again. We can fnially breathe, our new roommates are great, and we are finally safe in our own home

I went for my routine annual check up and my doctor did all the standard std tests, I never really stress about it because I have been with the same person for 7 years and I am a serial monogamist so I’ve never been unfaithful, to top it off we have have a daughter together (2F). Today while I was at work I received a notification on my phone that some test results came back, so I look because I was mostly curious about my cholesterol and other regular stuff, but it was actually one of the std tests and results said abnormal where normally it would say negative. Like I said I’ve never been unfaithful and we’ve been together for 7 years so clearly he’s the one cheating but my biggest issue is 1. We just renewed our lease for another 18 months, I know I could go live with my mom if I tell her we broke up but I would have to continue to pay the rent plus help her with bills which would be a huge strain on me financially while also becoming a single mom
2. Am I taking something away from my daughter by not giving her the family she deserves with a loving mother and father

Hello everyone!
Just for some context I’ve been staying with some family for this summer and have been going to their church which is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (I’m personally not a member, but I have been going to church, and YSA (young single adults).
I have been crushing a little on one of my family members friends and got the courage to ask him in a super friendly way to go out. He responded positively and he said he would let me know when he was free. I also gave him my number because the platform I was texting him on isn’t one I check right away. He hasn’t texted me yet and it’s been two days, but I was left on seen lol.
Anyways, I’m just a bit worried because LDS dating is different from dating dating. Most people in the church that are part of the YSA go out as friends rather than a couple. This guy I’m interested also is in a complicated situation with another girl that he’s been taking to, that’s long distance, but he hasn’t really clarified what their relationship is.
I know that my time here with my family is limited and that our dating would be short lived, but I do have feelings for him. I saw him tonight at an event and it was super causal, our normal banter, but he didn’t bring anything up about hanging out.
I just feel like I’m putting way too much energy into this and reading into things that may not be there. We banter a lot, smile at each other, and sometimes we catch each other looking at one and other. But, I can’t tell if he’s just being friendly (because as a person he’s so sweet and genuine) or if he’s actually interested in me more than a friend.
Part of me thinks he may be and it may just be complicated. He totally could’ve just said no, but again the whole going out as friends thing.
I just really want it to work out and have some fun with someone while I’m away from home. Maybe keep in touch and maybe even be a reason to come back more often. Who knows, young love can be silly lol.
I’ll take any advice and thank you for reading :)

Edit: I also know that some people may have strong opinions on the LDS/Mormon religion. I’m not a practicing member and I understand the hypocrisies with in the church. That being said, you can disagree but also be respectful. There’s a lot of generalizations and stereotypes about what the church actually does/believes. I grew up with this culture and everyone I know or have met is so loving. Again, I understand that people may not agree, but be respectful as this religion is connected to my ancestors and to my family today. Much love :)

Hi everyone. It’s been a few months and I figured I could provide a bit of an update. The biggest update is… we got married! It was such an amazing day and went just as we had planned. We’re still in awe of how perfect it was for us. We don’t regret a thing (except our DJ but that’s a story for another time).

In regards to dealing with MIL and her guest list requests, the day after my initial post, my now husband sent a short text to both of his parents saying her extended family wasn’t invited and we were done having the conversation. Added in that we were disappointed with their behavior and that they caused unnecessary stress. The response was… interesting. MIL just responded saying she invited these people because we said it was okay in prior conversations (that never happened) and she has always been supportive of the wedding (that was never a concern but now it is). There were no apologies but we weren’t expecting any. She also never said she would uninvite her guests. But we can confirm they did not come to the wedding. His dad even made a comment about how selective the guest list was in his speech. Tried to make it sound like everyone there should feel special they got an invite. Such a classy guy.

Responses to common comments:

- How many people did she invite: we don’t actually know. She was vague and told people different things. The text to us made it seem like she sent an open invite to her extended family and their families. How many people that includes is a mystery.

-Hire security: this was a big consideration and I had looked into it. Cost wise, we just couldn’t do it. Luckily we have some large scary friends and family that could act as security in any given situation. Since we had no issues, there was no need for them. We’re very happy it all worked out in the end.

-Just say no and have the wedding you want: that was always going to happen and it did. The amount of things people wanted from us and our wedding was crazy. “No” was commonly heard from us. We had control over every single detail. In this instance, I was more concerned with people I didn’t know showing up to the wedding because it was something we couldn’t control. Especially since we had no way of getting in contact with them nor did we know how many people she invited. That’s why I asked for advice.

Thank you to everyone who provided meaningful advice. Life has been really peaceful since the wedding and we are loving it. For those currently planning a wedding, take your time, enjoy the good moments, and do it your way. If you’re worried about something going wrong, my mantra was “fuck it.” Let me tell you, it helped a lot.

My gf of right at one year(whose daughter I call my own) broke up with me today. She claims to have broken up with me because the jealousy of my ex wife was eating her alive. The only reason I ever talk to my ex wife is about our two kids together, nothing more. I do not talk to her about anything other than the kids maybe once or twice a week. Do you think there is more going on? Says she doesn’t have someone else. Thoughts?

I ‘19F’ and my bf ‘20M’ have been dating for about a year now. Our relationship has had ups and downs but overall we work through it and love each-other. As we are both young this is both of ours first serious relationship and I know he tends to get insecure and Jelouse easy, he especially cares a lot about his performance in bed. Before our relationship I appreciated a good smut book nothing crazy just a classic romance novel with a little spice. Recently I have gotten back into reading these spicy books and they have really boosted my libido. I struggled with my libido the last few months due to stress and it was a lot for both of us but this has really helped. I have mentioned briefly that I’m reading a book that has sex scenes and he was surprised that was even a thing but we didn’t go into it. Anyways I feel guilty, should I tell him the extend of how sex is written in books and that they turn me on or should I just keep it to myself. Our sex has been amazing recently since I started reading but I don’t want him to think it’s not him or another guy that turns me on. It’s the connection in the book that drives me to him.

My fiance (m 28) and I (f 26)have been together 3 1/2 years. We have an almost 2 year old and I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant. Well when we got pregnant with our first, we decided I’d be a SAHM. Come a few months in, he couldn’t support me fully like we’d thought and it was causing us financial stress. So I agreed I’d work something flexible. I got very lucky with a job that I can make my own hours along side spark delivery. We thought this would be best so I can still get stuff done at home and be with our son mostly and still support my bills besides the mortgage (he covers).

Fast forward to about 20 weeks pregnant, there’s some debt we accumulated that I’m working hard to pay off before baby comes. So I have been working and sparking more. Leaving the household chores to be on the bottom of the list. We are no slobs by any means, everything daily is kept up such as wiping the counters and dishes and just keeping the house mostly tighty by me. The other things such as mopping, deep cleaning bathrooms all of our laundry and wiping down our windows (our dogs leave prints on them everyday looking out them when we leave) have been out off a bit longer than I normally would get to them.

Well my fiance last week told me he would wipe down the windows for me. I really appreciate that since it helps me and my love language has always been acts of service. Well it’s now been 5 days since he’s said that and the windows are still dirty and smudged up cause he hasn’t done it. So tonight I cleaned them. When he came home he told me he would’ve done them. I said it’s fine I got it and to just not tell me he’s gonna do something if he’s not gonna do it. He got really offended and told me I act like he does nothing and that I shouldn’t say unnecessary comments like that cause I’m not his mom.. i said I pretty much am because I do clean up after you on the daily (q-tips left in our bathroom, clothes on the floor, shoes left out, lunches made…) but that I’m asking him a simple request to not tell me you’ll do something if you won’t do it. He went off saying he never gave me a date he’d do it so I’m the crazy one.

We got into pretty badly and he’s calling me the asshole for asking him that in the first place and that it started this whole fight… I can be a bit ocd but I don’t shove it down his throat or ask him to do things cause I know he works too, but I feel he doesn’t consider I have been working much more lately, and when I’m home I’m trying to keep up with the house and our toddler. Maybe he’s right and I just need to chill out cause my pregnancy hormones are high.. idk am I the A hole?

My friend Simone (24F) has a cat named Bo. When she first got him two years ago I told her to get his microchip activated, knowing that her household has always let him go in and out freely. She never did it. For two years she had an indoor outdoor cat with no activated microchip despite me flagging it from the very beginning. Earlier this year Bo was visibly injured, limping badly. I urged her to take him to the vet and she kept deflecting with things like “we’re poor,” “he’ll get better,” and “dad said not to do anything rash.” This went on repeatedly until Bo started urinating blood. Even then, when she finally agreed to go, she said she was hungry and hadn’t eaten all day, so she made herself a full meal and sat down to eat before we left. This was not a quick snack, she made me wait while her cat was bleeding. I even offered to pay for the vet visit and she refused. I told her that if this was becoming too much she should consider rehoming him. She responded saying she loves him and doesn’t want to give him up, and at some point even admitted she was being selfish about it. Honestly I think she should have rehomed him already at that point given how long she let him suffer. It turned out to be a fracture, which was best case scenario, but it could have been so much worse. I was already deeply uncomfortable with how she handled that situation. Fast forward to last week, her graduation. My partner and I spent the whole day with her celebrating. On the way home as we were dropping her off, she mentioned almost as an afterthought that Bo had gone missing. She found out that morning. She had spent the entire day celebrating, hadn’t posted any flyers, hadn’t knocked on any doors, hadn’t even mentioned it until we were literally dropping her off at the end of the night. I would not have gone to a graduation party knowing a pet in my care was missing. I don’t think most people would. What makes this worse is the environment Bo is coming home to. When Simone called her sibling to ask if he’d come back, her sibling responded “don’t put it out there, I don’t want him back.” That’s the general attitude of her whole family toward Bo. We ended up in a back and forth over text: Me: Told her she should have rehomed him when he got hurt and that the lack of urgency says a lot. Her: Said they searched the neighborhood and thinks someone found him. Called it limited options, not lack of urgency. Me: Called out the deflection. Said care shows up in urgency and action and consistently that hasn’t been there. Told her especially after the first incident I lost respect for her as a pet owner and someone who cares about living beings. Said I already knew how she’d respond. Said I genuinely hope at 24 she figures this out.

Her: Said she can’t control Bo’s actions and if he doesn’t listen she’s not taking responsibility because she’s done her part. Blamed the housemates for leaving the door open. Said “I understand you have your feelings about this situation but I don’t think putting me down is the right thing to do especially because I’m very stressed about this.” Ended with “I do my best and clearly that isn’t enough, story of my life.”

Her (later): Said they got his microchip activated and told me not to worry.

I genuinely care about Bo. He’s an animal who didn’t choose this situation and has been let down twice now by the people responsible for him. I said what I said because I meant it. She told me I was being too harsh because she was stressed, but reading back through her messages, the stress didn’t really come through. What came through was a focus on why none of it was her fault, why I was wrong to feel how I felt, and ending with “I do my best and clearly that isn’t enough, story of my life.” That’s not someone panicking about a missing pet. I just recently ended the friendship. I told her I needed space but honestly when someone acts like that there would probably just be more conversations like this down the line and I didn’t want that. I don’t want a friend like that in my life. As for Bo, I don’t know if he ever came back. I really hope he is okay. So, AITA?

I have a very unhealthy obsession with online stalking my husband's past hook ups.

Sorry this is going to be all over the place. I'm not a very good writer lol.

I (f 28) married my husband (m 28) 1.5 years ago. We've been together for over 5 years now.

He loves me so much. He doesn't hide that he is a simp for me, he treats me like a princess, there is not a single thing that is a red flag to me. We went to the same uni, but met shortly after graduating. Our school was very small so everyone knew everyone type of environment... which is pretty annoying because I quickly came to find out that I know a bunch of his ex hook ups... some very personally.

I am my husband's first ever serious relationship. He's had some flings and one nighters here and there but here's the thing. I can't stop obsessing over them.

You know how some girls obsess over their ex's new gf/bf? Well, it feels similar to that, I guess, but with my husband's past. I'm not sure why this is triggering to me. Maybe it's the fact that I quite literally know some of the girls he's hooked up with. Maybe it's that I can't accept that he's found other girls attractive before me.

It was even worse with my ex bf, let's call him Adam. He was extremely toxic, on and off multiple times. He would bring up his ex constantyl and every time we "took a break" he would go on a tear and meet up with random girls from Tinder.

I was really jealous of Adam's ex girlfriend. I of course found her on Instagram and began to look her up online... but then a weird feeling emerged.

I wanted to become friends with her.

I saw that we had a similar sense of clothing style, music taste, and hobbies. I actually became pretty obsessive to the point where I made fake Instagram accounts, called her hiding my phone number... I'm not sure what to accomplish. I guess to get close to her?

Anyway, fast forward to today. I catch myself doing the same stuff to my husband's past hook ups. Look them up online. Obsessively analyze their clothes, their hobbies, etc. I'm disgusted by my own behavior. We're married for Christ's sake!

I am in fact in therapy and dealing with this issue (it's called retroactive jealousy). I am ashamed that I feel like I have to still compare myself to other girls, even though I am married to my husband. i think that a lot of the toxicity with my ex is bleeding into my marriage, and that's why I have these obsessive behaviors still.

Please be kind to me, I know this is pretty messed up. I know most of you probably think I have very low self esteem, but I actually am a pretty confident person. I know my husband doesn't deserve this. It's not that I am insecure of him cheating on me or something like that. Just the online stalking and obsession seems like second nature to me now, I guess.