r/TwoHotTakes

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I moved into my house about 6 months ago. I love alone, and my driveway has enough room for 2 cars. I only own one. A few weeks after I moved in, my neighbor asked if his girlfriend could park in my driveway for one evening because they had family visiting. I said yes. I thought it was just a neighborly favor. Apparently that became permanent permission. Since then, I've come home multiple times to find either his car or his girlfriend's car parked on my side. At first I tried not to make a big deal out of it. I would just park around them because I really didn't want to start problems with someone living right next door.

Eventually I politely asked him to stop. He seemed surprised and said, "But you only have one car". I explained that it's still my driveaway and sometimes I have friends or family over. He agreed. 2 days later, his girlfriend's car was there again. I knocked on his door and asked if she could move it. Je got visibly annoyed and told me I was being difficult for no reason because the second space is "literally empty 90% of the time".

What really bothered me was when he said that since I live alone, he doesn't understand why I'm so protective over space I'm not even using. Now whenever we see each other outside, he barely acknowledges me. His girlfriend moved her car, but they've made me feel like I'm some petty neighbor who created drama over an empty parking space. I genuinely tried to be nice when they needed help. Now I regret ever saying yes because apparently one favor turned into them feeling entitled to part of my property.

Maybe the space is empty most of the time, but I don't understand why that means someone else automatically gets to use it.

TL;DR: I let my neighbor use my driveway once as a favor. He and his girlfriend started regularly parking there without asking and now think I'm being unreasonable for stopping them because I love alone and have an unused space.

I already know Reddit is probably going to have opinions about this one, so here we go.

My MIL and I have a complicated relationship. I'm pregnant, and I've been trying really hard to avoid unnecessary drama during my pregnancy.

This weekend, my husband had plans with his family to play board games. I did not have plans with my MIL. I did not agree to go. Nobody asked me if I was coming.

I went out to get breakfast and was talking to my great uncle.

Apparently, my MIL came to the house expecting me to be there. She stayed for maybe 30 minutes and then left.

I have cameras around the outside of my house. On the footage, I watched her walk out of my house, slam my front door, and say, “Why the fuck isn't she here?”

She then left me a voicemail basically saying she thought we had plans, that I never came back to the house, that she had things to do, and that she didn't want to sit around watching the boys play games, so she was going back to her home.

I called her back because I genuinely wanted to know what was going on. She was already driving home and told me she'd had a horrible day the day before, hadn't slept well, and had plans for the rest of the day. (My husband informed me later that she didnt have plans for the rest of the day she was just saying that to make me feel like shit)

My roommate/friend was in the car with me during the call and was honestly shocked by the attitude she was giving me.

My husband later told me that she was depressed and that I wasn't even the only person she had attacked on Saturday.

And apparently this is supposed to make me feel better?

It doesn't.

I have empathy for depression. I really do. But depression can explain why someone is struggling. It does not give someone a free pass to be rude, aggressive, or take their emotions out on other people.

And here's the part that is really pissing me off.

I'm pregnant.

I have gestational diabetes.

I didn't even want to tell my MIL about my diagnosis because I didn't want to deal with her opinions or reactions. My husband insisted that she should know, so now she knows.

And now my husband wants to invite her to my upcoming ultrasound.

I told him I want this ultrasound to be just me and him.

Not his mother.

Not his family.

Not a family gathering.

Me, my husband, and my baby.

His argument is that his mom is depressed and that we need to include her.

So I told him:

“Yeah, so am I, yet you don't see me taking it out on people. Different people, different reactions and all. Go ahead and tell her, but please stress to her that I am already very stressed about this diagnosis and that it's nothing that I could have controlled.”

Because I'm honestly getting really tired of the double standard.

Apparently when she's depressed, everyone needs to understand her behavior.

When I'm depressed, pregnant, stressed, worried about my baby, and dealing with a medical diagnosis I had absolutely no control over, I'm still expected to worry about her feelings.

Why?

Why does her depression mean she gets access to my pregnancy?

Why does her having a bad day mean I'm supposed to tolerate being treated badly?

Why am I expected to make accommodations for her emotional state when nobody seems particularly concerned about mine?

And before anyone says, “But she's the grandmother!”

Being the grandmother doesn't automatically give you access to someone's pregnancy.

This is my medical appointment.(that im very stressed over btw)

I'm the pregnant person.

I'm the one dealing with the diagnosis.

I'm the one sitting there worrying about my baby.

I should not have to invite someone to an ultrasound because my husband is worried that she'll be sad if she's excluded.

If she gets upset because she isn't invited, that's unfortunate. But her disappointment is not an emergency.

I also don't think I'm being cruel by saying this. I'm not telling my husband he can't have a relationship with his mother. I'm not telling him he can't tell her about the baby. I'm not trying to punish her.

I'm saying I want one ultrasound without worrying about anyone else's feelings.

And honestly, after watching her slam my front door and say “why the fuck isn't she here?” because I wasn't somewhere I never agreed to be, I'm even less comfortable having her at my appointment.

The thing that bothers me most is that my husband keeps bringing up her depression as though I'm supposed to surrender my boundaries because she's struggling.

I'm struggling too.

And I've managed not to make everyone around me responsible for regulating my emotions.

So tell me...

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to invite my MIL to this ultrasound?

Or is my husband expecting me to sacrifice my own comfort and peace because his mom might be upset?

Because at this point, I'm starting to feel like everyone else's feelings are being treated as more important than mine during MY pregnancy.

Hey THT fam! I like to frequent the in laws sub about issues like this but sometimes it can be an echo chamber over there so I wanted a more unbiased opinion.

My husband (30) and I (27) have had a rocky on and off relationship with his mom. To keep it brief, she has done disrespectful things like announce our pregnancy and lie about it, and when she doesn’t get her way she’ll block my husbands calls/texts. She views her relationship with husband as transactional (if you don’t visit me on mother’s day, I won’t talk to you because i’m mad). Over the years we have had multiple conversations with her about her behavior and it’s met with defensiveness, excuses, occasionally an apology with a short period of changed behaviors, but then back to toxicity.

She has always shown strong favoritism to my husbands sister (27). She takes sister on vacations, while only using husband as a favor donkey and therapist. When husband has happy news like getting engaged, having a baby, a new job, or passing a state test, it’s ignored completely or instead his sister is brought up to overlook his accomplishments and talk about hers. We no longer talk to his sister and his mom knows this, and she still has shown up unannounced at our house with her, in which my husband and his sister fought.

We had a baby 2 months ago and his mom visited once on the day we came home, and since hasn’t asked a word about our baby, or husband. She hasn’t asked for pictures, to come visit, or even to just check in to see how husband or baby is. She called once and instead of checking in or even saying one word about his 4 week old, she ridiculed him for something minuscule. He casually mentions to me “i’m surprised my mom hasn’t asked to come see her again, oh well she’s probably busy”. When our baby was 5 weeks old she ambushed us with his sister again knowing that their last interaction ended in husband frustrated while being torn down by his sister.

My husband reached out to tell his mom they needed to have a talk about some disappointing things she has done lately, and she told my husband she has no need to talk to him, shamed him, and then basically said she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore because “she has boundaries too”. We know she will eventually reach out again, but that response told me this woman is a terrible mother who will never change and my husband deserves better.

We weren’t really sure where to go from there so we set up some therapy appointments. The therapist asked my husband what she would need to do for him to forgive her. He said an apology and changed behavior and he would consider trying to mend the relationship. She then asked me the same.

I don’t think she could do anything. She is a terrible mom and I hate seeing how she makes my husband feel, and it’s clear she never has intentions of treating him better long term. She makes him well aware he’s not as important as her daughter, she views their relationship as transactional, she couldn’t care less that he just had his first baby, and when he tried to bring up his feelings she shut him down and said she’d rather not talk to him. I despise this woman.

I feel like that makes me a terrible person. I feel unforgiving and like our therapist probably doesn’t like this answer. I feel like if my husband forgives, then I should too right? I could never interact with her again and it wouldn’t even cross my mind. If I never forgave her but husband does, does that make me an unsupportive wife?

EDIT: WOW, everyone has been so kind and supportive, I truly appreciate everyone’s thoughtful and in depth responses, this sub is really amazing. Sorry if I didn’t reply to everyone but I am reading everyone’s comments and will continue to do so. A lot of people are bringing up great points that I will be talking about in our sessions, such as forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation, which wasn’t something I had really thought about. Please keep the advice coming if you have more to add, these replies have been very comforting and helpful!

I honestly dont even know how to write this or where to start

first thank you to everyone who commented and tried to help me and even the people who said things that were hard for me to read I really mean it I needed to hear different opinions because I dont know what Im doing right now

Im still at my parents house and yesterday I took a pregnancy test and it was positive

positive

Im pregnant

I still keep looking at it and thinking no this cant be real like how is this real how did everything just change this fast I dont even feel like Im talking about myself when I say Im pregnant

and I dont know what Im supposed to do

my parents have been away for a few days and they might not even come back for another two weeks and my sister lives like three hours away from me and shes married and I havent even told her anything

he doesnt know Im pregnant either

I havent talked to him since what happened

he still comes almost every day and just stands outside my parents house and I only see him on the camera and I dont know what Im supposed to feel when I see him there because part of me feels sad and part of me just feels sick

his older brother messaged me too and said my fiancé wants to talk to me and wants everything to go back to normal and he said he doesnt really know what happened between us but he wants me to please fix things with him because apparently my fiancé told his family that he wont go back to his house until I come back and he wont live normally again until I come back to him

and his brother said something like if he cheated on you tell me and Ill know what to do with him but please just come back and fix things because hes completely falling apart

I didnt answer him

I feel bad because his brother has always been really kind to me and I know he probably thinks hes helping but I just cant do this right now

I dont even understand why my fiancé is telling everyone all of this and why hes making his family involved in it

his brother even told me he said if I dont respond he doesnt think he will ever be able to live again and honestly I dont know what Im supposed to do with that

I havent answered my fiancé either I havent answered his calls or messages

I just cant

I dont want to deal with him right now I dont want to talk I dont want to explain anything I just want to figure out what Im going to do first because I feel like everything is happening at the same time and my brain just cant keep up with it

and now the pregnancy

god

I always wanted kids

this is probably what makes this so much harder

I love kids so much and I always wanted to be a mom one day and I know financially I can raise a child my life is comfortable and I can take care of a baby so thats not really the problem

its the timing

I wasnt supposed to be doing this now

I wanted to finish university first and live my life a little and then think about having kids maybe in two years or later I dont know I just always thought I had time

and now Im pregnant

and its only been about 10 days since I got pregnant and somehow Im already supposed to make this huge decision about my entire life

I dont even know if Im ready to say the word pregnant without feeling weird

if I terminate it I know its going to hurt me a lot because I actually want children and I know I would think about it and wonder what that baby could have been

but keeping it also changes everything

and I dont know what that means for me or for my future or anything

and then there is him

I dont think I can go back to him

I really dont

even saying that makes me feel horrible because before this happened he was good to me he was kind to me he loved me and I loved him and I never thought I would look at him and feel the way I feel now

but when I remember what happened I feel sick

I feel this horrible pain and disgust and I cant make myself forget it

I dont know how Im supposed to look at him again and pretend everything is normal

I dont know how Im supposed to go back to the person I was before this happened

I keep thinking maybe Im supposed to have an answer already but I dont

I literally dont know

Im just sitting here trying to process everything and honestly I think Im still in shock

I dont know what Im going to do yet

I just know that everything changed so suddenly and Im scared and confused and sad and angry and I dont even know what feeling is supposed to come next

I just don’t know

Hiya, it’s been a few months, my last post had some requests for updates so I thought I’d give a little one.

After the last stag do, he came home grovelling I think he knew he had really crossed a line with this behaviour, after this we had a really good talk.

He told me he had felt very controlled and under appreciated by the constant falling out about all the stag do’s he knew that him not coming home when he said he would and ignoring me was out of line but he knew I was going to pissed either way, so just decided to delay it.

I explained how insecure his actions had made me feel not just in this stag do but in all of them by the poor communication, the route of the issue wasn’t how much he had been away, but how little he seemed to care when he was. he said he was also feeling very insecure and that he wasn’t good enough for me, no matter how hard he tries it’s never enough.

So we decided to try some online couples therapy, just some generic stuff to see if we could communicate better, one of the suggestions was actually to limit communication whilst he is away and set clear times on when we can talk so no one is waiting around for a response, expectation are set before hand and are clear.

It’s kind of the opposite of everything I’d been moaning about but I decided to give it ago, my husband had an out of town business trip so we have this a trial run, and to my surprise I felt great, much less anxious, I wasn’t constantly checking my phone to see if he had replied. Ironically enough my husband hated it, he said he was constantly watching his phone waiting for when he was allowed to talk to me, and he began to understand how I had felt being the one who was ‘left waiting around’.

He said he didn’t want to be restricted to when he can speak to his wife and I said that’s how I feel when you’ve e been away, so we made some new rules ones that work for us.

He hasn’t been away with friends since this happened but has been on a few business trips and things have been so much better, because we haven’t been arguing we’re both feeling much more secure and in turn less anxious when separated.

He hasn’t a trip in a few weeks to visit his friend ( the stag do friend) he hasn’t seen him since their wedding, we can’t get childcare for that weekend so I told him to go alone, he said that in itself shows much of a better place we are in because rather than asking him not to go I told him to see his friends. He’s told him he’s a maybe and will decide that week, he will see what kind of week we have had with the kids and work ect, and if its been a tough week he won’t go, I appreciate that he came to that decision on his own without being asked. Just being more considerate of each other’s needs has completely changed everything.

Hi everyone, ive got another update for you.
So i know i was content with the way things wrapped up in my last post here but, things took a turn for the worst this past week and i have had it with my bs excuse of a sister.

So after the whole meeting transpired and i gave her until the end of the year to move, things with our pregnancies started getting real. I was planning for months on taking my announcement pictures at the beach. To me it felt more spiritual because im a cancer and have always felt drawn to water and my soon to be baby girl, will be a pisces. My sister said she was going to take hers at the park or somewhere woodsy and post soon (even though she hasn’t entered her 3rd month yet, im 5 months pregnant atp).

Last minute, she decided she was actually going to the beach this following weekend to take her pics there and already had all the stuff she wanted for it (premeditated af). Ofc i felt hurt like wow, i showed you my inspo and you steal it and do it before me?? But eventually i got over it because i mean, i dont own the beach and cant tell her when or when not to post, just because i havent yet.

So she posts (its her bday as well) and everyones overjoyed! She still isnt back with her babydaddy so it was just her alone in the pics. But then i notice a specific comment by a family member im not in contact with (the feeling is mutual).
They said something along the lines of “omg wow baby blank (my niece) wont be an only great grandchild anymore, she’ll have cousins!” PLURAL! So i immediately text it to my mom and sister like, what does she mean cousins plural if they only found out about my sisters pregnancy with 1 baby. Mind you, i told my sister a handful of times, they were the one person i did not want knowing because i didnt feel like rekindling a relationship just because of my baby. Especially since they had years before now to reach back out to me.

My sister gaslit me saying she didnt say anything to them and that if they found out, it wouldnt have been thru her. My mom called me paranoid. Now i know my gut and my intuition.. So i went into the room i let her move into, grabbed her laptop because i had her password prior to build my registry, and unlocked it.
Right there, dead center in the screen, ALREADY OPENED, was a message from that family member saying “Aw so&so is having a girl??”. I fucking crashed out because at this point, it felt like my sister was sabotaging my pregnancy.. I wanted this one thing and couldnt even have that. After i let her move in & kept her pregnancy a secret, she goes behind my back, tells that person and then steals and posts my announcement idea before i could do it.

I sobbed and called my parents and told them what i did and how i found out. Yes i was wrong for invading her privacy but she disrespected mine.. And they agreed with me that what she did was fucked up and i have every right to feel the way i did. I told them i just couldnt do it anymore and wanted to kick her out right then and there (but she is at her babydaddys house). So i decided that, after recollecting myself, i was going to wait until tomorrow since today is her birthday.

Tomorrow im going to tell my sister that she needs to get her things and leave. Not later in the week because she works but that day.

Im so devastated and hurt. Honestly i shouldn’t even be surprised that she did this, i just hoped things were different. That after not talking for over a year and rekindling, that she would actually have my back the way i always had hers..

So thank you guys, i know a lot of people said i lost my spine in the last post because i was too kind to my sister but she chose this outcome. This will most likely be my last post on the subject but no tea all shade, at least i have a partner to support me thru it all.

For context my Dad is M65. He has three children myself F28, Son M31 and daughter F35.
My mother and father divorced 16 years ago. After his affair with a woman he met on a trip to Thailand. She is 14 years younger than him. He ended up moving her to his country and they got married and have been together since.

My sister had called me the other day and shared that she had received a notification on Instagram about something our dad had sheared on IG threads.
She could only see part of the comment and it sounded off. But it peeked her curiosity. Our Dad had unintentionally reposted and shared a young women’s Instagram post. And he made some inappropriate comment on it.
My sister saw a few accidental repost like this then realized she could also see his comment history. Even though she was already feeling a bit disturbed she kept digging. Going through the comments that went back a few years. He has been commenting really gross and creepy comments on young women’s IGs. These comments consisted “I want to hold you tight”, “booby massage”, “come to my country, I’m all yours”, “I’m a young 65”, “your beautiful”, with all the hearts and heart eye imagoes you can imagine.
You get the picture….
But what makes this worse. Not just that he is married. Clearly hadn’t stopped him before and hasn’t learnt his lesson. But these women are young 20s!

Just to put it into perspective, this man was at least 45 years old when these girls were born and he commenting on their posts like he is trying to line up a new wife. A wife that is younger than his youngest daughter.

My sister and I are so disturbed and it just continues to validate how much he messed us up as kids thinking our only value as a woman is how we look. Constantly being criticized on our appearance. And hearing him always comment on strangers body’s. That’s another whole issue.

But now we have seen this. What are we supposed to do? Do we leave it alone? Do we confront him about it? Do we tell his wife? Should we distance ourselves? (We both already have a pretty distant and strained relationship with him.)

What is the right thing to do in this situation?

Hi everyone, posting on my secondary account as my partner knows my main and will be vague on the topic as he lurks on reddit.

A couple months ago we lost our cat very suddenly. The vet thought genetically something was wrong. However i just seen something online that a certain medication (that my boyfriend takes) if ingested by a cat can cause the exact aliment what ultimately killed our kitty.

I’m wondering if I should tell him to basically be very vigilant with using it with our other cat to ensure proper isolation?

However, I do not want for him to think I am at all blaming him, because i am not. It could also very well be a genetic reasoning for it.
The last thing i want is for him to think or believe it could’ve been his fault.

I know I have to bring it up with him on the off chance that it could have caused the loss of our kitty but how do I do so without sounding like I think it’s his fault.

I just don’t know how to broach the topic with him.

EDIT: I will be telling my partner in the morning once he is off of work that i seen it online that it can be toxic and just to read up on precautions to take while using it to see if he wants to continue. I will be sure to say they are as toxic or more as lilies (i’m a big plant person, and he knows how bad they are)

Our girl HATES the bathroom with a passion (due to some flea baths) and doesn’t venture into the bathroom where he applies the cream. It’s stored in the drawer already. I will be implementing the door shut while sleeping from now on (He works night shift so that will be easy)

I will not be telling him the symptoms or the effects of it. Some may say I should stress how bad it is, but with the Lily comparison it will get my point across. I feel like listening symptoms (as well as our other cats cause of death) it will be sort of pointing blame. It was never my intention to tell him to purposely blame him (as per my DMS).

Thanks to anyone who took the time to offer me some good, sound advice. I appreciate it!

Hi everyone. Long-time listener, first-time poster, and I guess this seemed like the best place to put this. I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice or if I just need to get this out of my brain and into the universe.

Anyway… my (32F) brother (38M) is going through a really tough time, to put it lightly.

For context, my brother—we’ll call him Tom—is married to my SIL (38F), who we’ll call Nancy. They’ve been together since middle school and have three boys together: 12, 11, and 8.

The boys started playing hockey when they were really young and have a pretty close-knit hockey community. About 18 months ago, Nancy started acting a little differently. Around six months into that, she began spending a lot more time with another hockey mom, who we’ll call Jenna (39F).

At first, none of us thought much of it. The boys were friends with Jenna’s son, so it made sense that they would hang out. Jenna is also married—we’ll call her husband Trevor (42M)—and they have a 12-year-old son.

The families became pretty close last year after they ended up at the same hockey tournament and had hotel rooms across the hall from each other. From there, they started doing a lot together—family vacations, dinners, hockey events, etc. It was actually really nice. Everyone seemed to genuinely get along.

There were also times when Nancy and Jenna would take the boys places together—dinners, movies, concerts, whatever. But eventually, one by one, my nephews started saying they didn’t really want to hang out with Jenna’s son anymore. They felt like they were spending way too much time together and that it just wasn’t fun anymore.

My oldest nephew even told me that he missed one of his other friends, but his mom would only hang out with Jenna.

I didn’t think too much of it at the time. Nancy doesn’t have a ton of friends, so I figured maybe she had finally found someone she really clicked with.

Then this past summer, things took an interesting turn around my nephews’ birthdays.

We were all at the birthday party, and there was tension almost immediately when my family and I arrived. Jenna was already there with Trevor and their son. We had shown up early because we normally help set up for family parties, but instead, we were told to just go outside and relax.

That was unusual because we always arrive early specifically to help get things situated, and having extra hands usually makes everything easier. There was just… something off.

My husband (39M) and our son went outside, and eventually there were a bunch of kids and parents hanging out in the backyard.

At some point, a few of the moms decided to shotgun a beer behind the garage. It wasn’t a dry party, so people were drinking and having a good time. Nobody really thought much of it.

But once my brother found out, he absolutely lost it.

He and Nancy went inside for a while. I assumed everyone had eventually made their way back outside, so I went inside to use the bathroom. I was wrong.

They had actually gone into their bedroom, shut the door, and were having a very intense and very loud conversation. Their bedroom shares a wall with the bathroom, so unfortunately, I could hear pretty much everything.

And this was the first time I really heard some of the details about Nancy and Jenna’s relationship.

My brother was clearly uncomfortable with how close they were. He said he didn’t like Jenna, that Nancy and Jenna spent too much time together, and a lot of other things that, honestly, caught me completely off guard.

At the time, I thought my brother was being extremely controlling.

This was the first really close friendship Nancy had ever had, and from what I had seen, it seemed like she had finally found someone she enjoyed spending time with.

A week or so later, Nancy and I went out to dinner. We were mostly making small talk, but she eventually started telling me more about her relationship with my brother.

She talked about how he had an issue with things she wanted to do—getting a tattoo, spending time with Jenna, planning a girls’ trip, etc.

My brother and I have always been extremely close. We have a really good relationship, and we’re the people who go to each other when something serious is happening. So hearing this side of him was really strange for me.

I told Nancy that if she ever needed someone to talk to, I was there. I know she’s my SIL, but she’s also someone I care about, and I wanted her to feel like her feelings were valid.

At the time, I genuinely thought I was just supporting her through what sounded like a difficult marriage dynamic.

Then, about a month later, my brother called and asked if he could stop by with the kids. My husband works afternoons, so it’s not unusual for my brother to come over with the boys to hang out and see my son.

We were sitting outside on the patio when he asked me something completely unexpected.

He asked if I thought the relationship between Nancy and Jenna was odd.

I told him that, from my perspective, it seemed like they spent a lot of time together, but I also have close friends who don’t live nearby, so seeing a friend that frequently isn’t really how my friendships work. I asked him for more context because I didn’t want to make assumptions.

That’s when he told me the boys had said Nancy and Jenna were kissing in front of them when they were out together.

I asked him if he had brought up the idea of there being a romantic relationship between them, or if that was something the boys had independently mentioned.

He said he had brought it up with Nancy.

According to him, Nancy told him that she and Jenna had actually had a conversation about where they wanted their relationship to go.

And that was the moment my entire perspective shifted.

I told my brother that, no, I don’t think that’s something you normally discuss with someone you view strictly as a friend. I’ve never had a conversation with one of my friends about “where we want the relationship to go,” and I can’t imagine having that conversation unless there was something more going on.

And now I’m sitting here wondering how much of what I originally thought was completely wrong.

Because on one hand, I don’t want to assume that two women being extremely close means they’re having an affair. I also don’t want to insert myself into my brother’s marriage or take sides based on pieces of information I’ve heard from each of them.

But on the other hand… there are now enough things that don’t add up that I’m having a really hard time believing this is just an innocent friendship.

And I honestly have no idea what I’m supposed to do with that information.

TLDR: My brother and SIL have been together since they were teenagers and have three boys. About 18 months ago, my SIL became extremely close with another hockey mom, Jenna. Their families started spending a lot of time together, and my brother became increasingly uncomfortable with their relationship. At first, I thought he was being controlling, especially after my SIL confided in me about their marriage.

Then my brother told me their kids had seen my SIL and Jenna kissing. When he confronted her, she apparently said she and Jenna had discussed where they wanted their relationship to

Edit: the party was in June, my lunch with SIL was in June, the visit with my brother was mid-July. I have told my brother to get therapy, to sit down and have a conversation with his wife because I can’t do anything about the situation.. he is working on both. I fear my brother has a lot of enmeshment issues with my SIL, they started dating at 14 and have only been with each other. Her parents were VERY absent when we were growing up (I was in elementary school when they started dating) and my parents were also mentally abusive… so they have been through A LOT. I’m not excusing the cheating, but my brother stated he wouldn’t care if she wanted to explore that

I (33F) and dear husband (34M) have been married a little over two years now. A little background on us. My husband and I met in church in middle school. He comes from a very religious family, my mom is very religious, I’m somewhat religious. We were each others first EVERYTHING but as young kids do we broke up after a couple years.
My husband eventually married another person and I went on with life as well moving far away and almost getting married myself.
My husband and I had always casually stayed in touch and both knew there was an unspoken longing of wanting to be together but we never acted on it. Until he blew up his marriage. I was his first phone call and flight when him and his ex wife agreed on divorce. I was literally halfway around the world living my life. I am not the reason for the divorce but I did not wait for things to cool down which in hindsight was a little distasteful.
As things progressed, he kept coming to visit, but he wanted me to move back to my hometown since I was so far away and dating in different time zones is difficult! I only agreed to quit my very lucrative job and leave a great life I had built for myself if he would agree to get married again. This was something I had always wanted and was important to me. I also said I don’t want to wait 5 or 10 years. I want to get married rather quickly. This did not seem to be an issue and was a very mutual agreement if things went well dating.
Fast forward a year and we’re engaged. Plan to have a wedding in another year and a half. So about 2.5 years from me coming back home. Well three months after the engagement suprise we’re pregnant. Another two months later SUPRISE it’s twins.
I don’t want to have children with a different last name than me. Husband knows I wouldn’t want to be showing in my wedding photos. So 2.5 months pregnant, puking my brains out, exhausted AF, emotional AF, throw a beautiful 22 person afternoon wedding together in 3 weeks. My parents contrite 6k, husband 3k, and I cover the last 3k myself. It’s beautiful, everything was great, or so I thought, and I’m home in bed by 4:30 taking a nap.
I wake up from my nap and this is where the important details start to come into play. My FIL attended our ceremony but left right after photos because he was so “sick to his stomach” that his son was marrying me. So did not come to the reception where we had our twins gender reveal! During the reception my mom and sister made it a point to make sure I didn’t notice he was not there by sitting my MIL the farthest away from me at the table and making sure everyone kept their mouths shut.
A couple days go by, I’m upset, DH is upset, and my MIL is giving FIL the silent treatment. My parents are hurt as well since it was my first and only wedding that they helped pay for. They felt disrespected but also sad for me.
FIL ends up apologizing to DH. From what I hear it’s very sincere. His reasoning is that coming from a very religious family and views, DH should not have got divorced and definitely should not have got married. He should still be with ex wife.
I never receive an apology and either do my parents. I mention this to DH and MIL and I’m basically told FIL will never apologize and to stop beating a dead horse and get over it. I really did try to get over it. But that resentment always remained.
There were other instances that really hurt too that added to this blowup and need for apology. My MIL was in the living room after we got our wedding photo album. Photos FIL looks absolutely miserable. As she has it in her hands flipping through pages she tells me how hard it is for them, her and FIL, because they “just love ex wife so much”. Excuse me!? In my home!? So resentment is building.
Fast forward 2.5 years now to present day. We have flooding at our home while DH is away. FIL and MIL come over and start helping. We need to redirect the water coming into the basement with sand bags. My FIL and I disagree on how to place them. I try to explain to him that I worked in heavy civil construction for 10 years, and have at multiple different job locations been part of the team that redirected entire rivers. I’ve also created more storm water protection plans than I can even count.
FIL gets upset that we are disagreeing and his temper flares, throws things across the garage, and storms away while calling me a b**ch. I had finally had it and started screaming at him about how he’s an AH. I called him a f**cking AH to be specific. Because he left our wedding, never apologized, and truthfully does not show up or make it a point to be part of my twins lives. He told me that DH marrying me was a mistake. More things were said and he drove off.
DH has communicated that my FIL does believe an apology is in order for calling me a name. I also agree that my behavior deserves an apology. It was over the top and unacceptable. I honestly acted worse with my reaction than his initial trigger. But FIL is doubling down that he is not apologizing for leaving the wedding. He doesn’t understand why one apology has to be tied to the other. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong because he came to the reception and that was enough. He stands by his actions and reasoning that getting a divorce is a sin and my husband should not have gotten divorced at all or remarried.
I feel like I can’t let that go and I’m not interested in half an apology. He left his own son’s wedding early because he was so upset about it. Disrespected his son’s now wife, and my parents who paid a significant portion for that whole day.
Now here is where I’m asking AITAH for telling DH I am not interested in a half apology from FIL?

TLDR: FIL left my wedding early. Emotions got heated. He called me a b*tch. I called him an AH. FIL wants to apologize for calling me a name but not about the wedding. I don’t want an apology unless he’s apologizing for both.

My old friend Kenna & I had been friends since birth. We went to school together from preschool through senior year of high school. We were always in the same friend group, but also hung out just the 2 of us quite a bit. We never fought, no drama, just an easy sister-like friendship. We went to different colleges and both got busy, so we weren’t able to talk a whole lot, but that was totally normal for us. We were a low-maintenance friendship and didn’t need to FaceTime for hours every week for things to feel normal. We took turns visiting each other a couple times that first semester, and it was always nothing but perfect.
Then New Year’s Eve came, and over Christmas break we decided I would visit her since her school had a much bigger party scene. That morning, I texted her asking what time I should head her way. She took hours to respond, then finally said, “Would you mind if Macie and Jack come tonight? I feel so bad, I totally forgot that I actually invited Macie to campus for NYE first before I knew you were coming.” For context, Jack is my ex-boyfriend, and Macie is his new girlfriend who he cheated on me with. We all knew her in high school, but Kenna was never close friends with her or hung out with her. I replied, “haha very funny,” because I genuinely thought she HAD to be joking. As far as I knew, she had never even hung out with Macie, and it would’ve just been the most random, insane thing if it were true.
Then she said, “I’m so sorry but I just tested positive for Covid so I can’t go out anymore. I feel horrible.” I was so caught off guard that I obviously believed her. I had no reason to think she would ever lie to me. I was already halfway to her campus, so I just rerouted to home, spent NYE with my parents, and went to bed early. The next morning, I woke up and saw TONS of photos and videos on her social media stories of her out at parties on her campus with Macie. My jaw was on the floor. At this point, I STILL thought she had been joking about inviting my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. I thought maybe it was some bad attempt at making me laugh before dropping the bad news that she had Covid. But no. It was real.
You can only imagine how confused I was. Almost too confused to even be hurt right away. But then, of course, the pain hit and I was so pissed. I immediately blocked her number, and I’m not kidding when I say we have not talked since. I don’t know if she ever tried to text or call me after that, but she has everyone in my family’s numbers, all of our other friends, and could’ve still reached out on social media, but never did. The rest of our friend group didn’t block her, but they never reached out to her again, and she never did either.
To this day, it’s still one of the biggest mysteries of my life. In the past, I’ve tried to make up stories in my head about how they could’ve somehow become friends, but nothing ever feels reasonable. That was about 6 years ago and I’ve never gotten an ounce of information to give this betrayal closure. Kenna was Macie’s maid of honor in her wedding last month… to my ex, Jack. And the last thing I ever said to her was, “I’m so sorry you’re sick, no worries, I’ll head to my parents’ house. Love you, feel better.”

So Reddit, this is where I need your help 😂 I have accepted that I’ll probably never know the real answer because I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I still care… so give me your theories. I want everything from the genuinely plausible explanation to the completely unhinged conspiracy theory.

My (24F) little sister (10F) has a neurological disorder that has significantly delayed her learning and childhood development. She’s in the 5th grade and currently reads and writes about 2 or 3 years below grade level. We live in a town with a very well-funded school district, and she has amazing occupational and speech therapists at school who have been working to improve her reading, writing, and speech.

At home, however, she is a straight up “iPad Kid.” She does her homework in about 15-20 minutes when she gets home, and then proceeds to spend the next 4 hours each night and all of her weekends glued to her iPad, watching brain rot videos and Roblox let’s plays.

My mom (51F) doesn’t care that my sister spends this much time on her iPad. She usually tells my sister to “go play” on her iPad when she’s tired of talking to/interacting with her, and if her iPad is dead, my mom will hand over her phone to my sister to watch YouTube on instead. My mom also does everything else for my sister in the meantime; heats up her food, bathes her, brushes her teeth, wipes her after doing a #2, etc.

Because of this, my sister has no sense of independence when she’s at home, to the point where she will literally ask my mom if she can use the bathroom in our own house! She doesn’t know how to bathe herself, and only just started dressing herself and brushing her own teeth a few months ago (though my mom still picks out her outfits). While she does have some delays in motor skills, I have no doubt that if she had been given the time and opportunity to practice these skills for herself over the last few years, she would have already been able to do these tasks independently.

Now, she’s turning 11 soon, and my mom still bathes her and wipes her butt. Because I live at home and come home from work in the early evenings, my mom has put it on me to get her ready for bed each night. With this, I’ve been letting my sister do her own nightly showers, standing outside the shower while giving her verbal instructions and minimal intervention so that she can practice bathing herself, and so that she can own a sense of autonomy over what happens to her body in this small way.

This evening, while I was coaching her through her shower, my mom came in and said “[my name], just shower her yourself, we don’t have time to let her do it by herself.” I told her that letting her do it on her own takes maybe 5 extra minutes, and that I don’t want to be in charge of bathing her or wiping her butt when she’s in middle school.

My mom got absolutely heated at this comment, telling me that I was questioning her parenting, that I just wanted an excuse to get out of helping her around the house, and that I think she’s a bad mom for just wanting my sister to go to bed on time. I told her she has no patience with my sister, and she’s manipulating her to have no independence by the time she’s an adult. My mom started yelling some random nonsense over me and dismissing me to deflect from the conversation and walked into her room. I let my sister finish showering, explained to her that I love her and want her to grow up knowing how to do as much as she can by herself, and tucked her into bed after she put on her pajamas.

Personally, I don’t think that anything I said was particularly wrong (though I do feel REALLY bad that this blew up in front of my sister), but the way my mom blew up over me wanting my sister to know how to bathe herself has left me reeling. So, AIO for telling my mom the way she treats my sister is manipulative?

Okay so basically my mom and my ex friend’s mom have been best friends since third grade, so our families have always been close. My ex friend is a year younger than me and we grew up together. We spent holidays together, went on family trips sometimes, talked all the time, and were friends for almost 28 years.

For a lot of our adulthood we lived apart, so the friendship was mostly long distance and pretty nonconfrontational. When I eventually moved back home and started seeing her more in person, though, I started noticing things that I either had not noticed before or that had changed over time.

One thing was how she acted toward my husband. I had always been really welcoming to whoever she dated, including her husband, but I never felt like she made the same effort with mine. Even early in my relationship, I sometimes felt like she was jealous of having less access to me. When we were all together, she barely tried to talk to my husband or get to know him. I also started realizing that my ex friend and I did not really have the same sense of humor anymore and maybe just did not have as much in common as we once did.

Then my husband and I bought our first house. We kept it a secret until we had the keys because we did not want to tell anyone before it was official. I was insanely excited and surprised people with it. When my ex friend and her husband came over, the energy just felt weird. Instead of seeming excited, they started pointing out things they did not like about the house. They commented on the flooring, and her husband randomly told me one of my light fixtures was ugly. It bothered me because I was showing them my first house and had not asked for their criticism. I actually texted her afterward and told her the interaction felt weird. She apologized and I thought we moved on.

A few months later I got married. It was a very small, casual wedding weekend at a huge party Airbnb with only our families and a couple friends. Everyone knew ahead of time that the plan was to drink, listen to music, stay up late and celebrate.

My ex friend had recently started practicing photography and volunteered to take my wedding pictures as her gift to me. This mattered because my grandpa has a professional camera and has taken pictures for years, so if she had not offered, I would have just had him do it.

The actual ceremony and pictures were extremely short. I checked afterward and from the first picture she took to the last, everything was done in less than 20 minutes. Later when we were cutting the cake, I asked her to take a few more pictures and she acted like she really did not want to. My other friend actually had to volunteer to go get the camera. My dad noticed it too.

Later that night we were listening to music and having fun when my ex friend’s husband came upstairs and asked us to turn the music down because they were trying to sleep. This was literally our wedding night at a party Airbnb, and everyone had known the plan ahead of time. My dad was completely sober and even he could not believe they were asking us to quiet down.

It gave me anxiety for the rest of the night because I was worried they would come back and complain again and that it would turn into a bigger confrontation. The next morning my ex friend made a comment about not being able to sleep and said they had considered leaving in the middle of the night. I said, “Yeah, you should have.” She clearly did not like that.

A few days later, on the actual day I was leaving for my honeymoon, she sent me this huge message listing everything she was upset about. One complaint was that my husband had bought her a birthday cake even though she already had cupcakes. She also brought up another conversation I had already apologized for, and of course she complained about me telling her they should have left the Airbnb if they wanted to sleep.

Then she started saying she did not feel appreciated enough for everything she and her husband had done for the wedding and brought up her infertility struggles, saying I was being insensitive to everything she had been going through.

That was where I really lost patience. I had supported her through her infertility for the entire year, but I felt like I was allowed to have one day of my life that did not revolve around what she was going through. It was literally my wedding. I basically told her, “Can one day not be about you?”

I told her we needed to stop the conversation because I was leaving for my honeymoon. She did not even say she hoped I had a good honeymoon. The whole conflict ended up giving me anxiety while I was there, which I still resent.

When I got home, I basically told her we were going to have to agree to disagree. Then she said she did not want to be friends anymore because I supposedly did not value the friendship the way she did.

At that point I just wanted my wedding pictures because I did not want her holding them over me. I asked how much she wanted for them, even though she had originally offered to do them for free as a wedding gift and had photographed the wedding for less than 20 minutes.

She told me $500.

I was like absolutely not. If I had known that, I would have just had my grandpa take them for free. I told her to keep them. Eventually she did send them to me and apologized.

The worst part is that I genuinely hate my wedding pictures now. I do not really like how they turned out anyway, but emotionally I hate looking at them because they remind me of the entire situation. Instead of just thinking about getting married, I think about her acting annoyed about taking pictures, her husband complaining about the music, the fight right before my honeymoon and then her trying to charge me $500.

That is probably what I resent the most. Buying my first house, getting married and going on my honeymoon should have been some of the happiest memories of my life, and somehow she is tangled up in all of them. During the house situation, the wedding and the honeymoon, everything somehow became about what she did not like, what upset her, whether she felt appreciated enough or what she needed from me.

Afterward we briefly talked about trying to stay friends, but it felt awkward. Then she found out she was pregnant almost immediately and suddenly started texting me like everything was completely normal again. After everything that had just happened, I was not emotionally in a place where I could pretend we were still best friends just because she suddenly had happy news.

Something else I think about now is that my ex friend has always seemed to have a lot of conflict with people in her life. There is often some issue with a coworker or someone else. I am not saying every conflict is her fault, but I really do not have that kind of drama in my own life. I rarely have serious falling outs with people. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if one reason we went almost 28 years without a major issue was simply because we spent so many years living far apart.

Once we were actually around each other regularly again, I started seeing a side of the friendship that I did not like.

I talked about it in therapy and realized I needed space. I never reached out to her again, and I do not plan to. It was not one single fight that ended the friendship. It was everything building up, especially during a period of my life that should have been incredibly happy. I think that is why I still feel so strongly about it.

I found out the day after the post from Jacqueline that the funeral already happened. Jacqueline, Jack, Jill, and I weren't invited. I deleted Fiona and Hal (Fiona has access to it) off Facebook after I found out and I didn't have Marguerite on Facebook. I deleted Fiona off my kids as well. I haven't blocked either yet. I just hope they will choose not to contact me.

Today I posted on Facebook letting the rest of the family I have on there know he passed. Fiona didn't give me the courtesy of inviting me/us to the funeral. I'm not giving her the courtesy of not telling his family.

Edit: I'm also writing a letter to my bio father and plan to burn it.

**Hi Reddit, first time posting here, so please be kind. English is my third language ❤**️
My boyfriend is breaking up with me, and I honestly don’t know what to do.
Some background: Me 25F BF 25 M We’ve been together for exactly one year today, actually. But for the past month or so, we’ve been struggling a lot and having arguments almost every day.
Most of the arguments started because I was reacting to the way he was acting towards me. I felt like he was becoming distant and that we weren’t on the same page anymore. I don’t know the exact English expression for it, but I felt like we couldn’t meet each other halfway.
I kept feeling like I needed more from him — more affection, more attention, more time together. I would tell him what I needed or ask him to do certain things differently. Looking back, I can understand how that might have felt controlling or like I was constantly complaining.
But the reason I was reacting so much was because I felt like I was losing him.
We actually live together, but for a while now it has felt more like we’re roommates than a couple. We don’t really spend quality time together. We’ll eat together, but we’re both on our phones. We’ll sit together, but we’re both on our phones. I’ve been bringing this up for a while because I genuinely just wanted to feel connected to him again.
What I didn’t know was that he has been struggling a lot with work.
He’s been under a lot of stress because of the responsibilities he has now, and apparently he’s been in his own head about it for quite some time. But he never really told me. Whenever I asked how he was feeling or how his day was, I would mostly get “I’m tired” or “it was a long day.”
So while he was struggling with work and becoming more distant because of it, I thought the distance was because of me. I thought he was upset with me, losing feelings for me, or that something was wrong between us.
And because I didn’t understand what was actually going on, I reacted to the distance. I complained about not spending time together, asked for more affection, and kept trying to figure out what was wrong.
Now he has told me that all of my complaining became too much for him. He says that because I was constantly reacting and asking him to change things, he felt like I couldn’t change, and he started mentally preparing himself to leave the relationship.
And now we’ve broken up. Or more accurately, he broke up with me.
The hardest part for me is that I feel like I never got the chance to show him that I could have handled things differently.
If I had known how much he was struggling with work, I genuinely believe I would have reacted differently. I wouldn’t have taken his distance so personally. I would have understood that he was stressed and overwhelmed. I would have listened to him, supported him, and been there for him instead of constantly wondering why he was pulling away from me.
I’m not saying I did everything right. I know I have things I need to work on. I know constantly complaining and asking someone to love me a certain way isn’t healthy, and I can see that now.
But I also feel hurt because I asked him so many times if he was okay. I asked how he was feeling. I tried to understand what was going on. I just never got the full answer.
He never gave me the opportunity to understand what he was going through, and now he feels like it’s too late.
I’m having such a hard time accepting that I’m losing him. I love him so much, and I really want to fight for our relationship. I want to show him that I can change the way I communicate and that I can be a better partner.
But I also feel like he has already made up his mind, and I don’t know if there’s anything I can do anymore.
What would you do in my situation? Would you fight for the relationship and ask for another chance, or would you respect his decision and let him go?
I’m honestly heartbroken and could really use some perspective.