Was I wrong for proposing a threesome to one of my bridesmaids?
Throw away account. My (27 year old F) bridesmaid (28 year old F) has been spreading lies within my friend group and today was my last straw when I found out one of them was about me and my fiancée (28 year old M).
I have been friends with my bridesmaid, let’s call her Anne, for over a year now. She is one of my newer friends in my bridesmaid group, but when we met we instantly hit it off. We had so many things in common and had a lot of meaningful, deep conversations very early on. I started traveling for work in California with my fiancée a few months after we first met, but we stayed in contact while I was out there and it was like I never left when I came home for the holidays.
I should also add, Anne and I are both openly bisexual women. While I was home over the holidays I talked with her about how in the future, my fiancée and are open to having a threesome. In my New Year’s Eve drunken state, when she asked who we would be interested in, I responded with, probably someone similar to you. Referencing that she is pretty, fun to be around, and possibly planning on moving for work in the future as well (which would limit it to a one-time thing). She seemed instantly into it, saying she would be down if we ever wanted to consider her but that she was more so into me than my fiancée.
The next day, I told my fiancée and he laughed, indifferent about the discussed arrangement and said that could maybe work but we never put that much thought into it.
Me and my fiancée then left back to California a couple of days later. Me and Anne continued to chat platonically while I was away as if the new year’s conversation never happened, which I was okay with considering I was really drunk and embarrassed for alluding to anything in general.
When we moved home permanently this past spring Anne started making little comments about the threesome conversation, which didn’t really bother me, until she started doing so in front of/to our mutual friends. I talked with my fiancée about having a conversation with Anne to clear the air.
When I did bring it up to her we talked for a while about my sexuality and issues I am clearly having with myself and my sexual identity. I also put a strong emphasis on apologizing if I made her uncomfortable and checking to make sure I did not make her feel this way. She reassured me a series of times that she was also into it, that she had been thinking about me/it while I was away and not uncomfortable at all. She then told me she catches feelings easily for friends so that she usually sets a hard line for herself to not get involved sexually with friends. We both agreed that maybe it was not the best idea and I asked to close the door on the conversation about this and just focus on us being really close friends. She agreed to focus on the friendship but pushed back on us closing the door.
After this we focused on our friendship for a few months and got even closer. She even opened up to me about two of our mutual friends who are in a relationship, closer with her than me, who have made her feel uncomfortable on numerous occasions and how I never have. She continued to reiterate to me that I had never made her feel uncomfortable and that my fiancée in particular is one of the men in the group she is most comfortable around.
I, at this point, just saw the threesome conversation as a blip in our friendship timeline, and because of that and how close we had gotten, I did end up asking her to be a bridesmaid. Also to note, she is a part of but new to my larger group of friends and 3 other girls from this group who she is also close with we’re going to be bridesmaids anyways. I had second thoughts because of the threesome conversation and our friendship being so new, but wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt.
Flash forward to this week when our friend group got back from a festival that she also attended. Multiple mutual friends are now telling me that at the festival she was spreading lies about our friends, including me and my fiancée. She claimed that two of my bridesmaids are bullying her. And that me and my fiancée tried to force her into having a threesome, so much so that she is now uncomfortable around us.
This completely caught me off guard considering the lengths I went to to make sure she was not uncomfortable and the constant reassurance from her that she was also not uncomfortable. I now have to confront her and have a conversation about this. If this is true and she is spreading this false information, I’m not so sure that I can continue to have her be a part of my wedding. I know in my heart that I did not intend to do anything to make her uncomfortable, but I worry that regardless of my vigilance, maybe my impression of the situation is wrong. Help.