r/CheatedOn

I'm 19 male. I have been in a relationship for 4 years. It was a long distance relationship for 4 years a few days ago I went to meet her( May 1) . We spend so much valuable time with each other happy and healthy. We got physical and everything went well until when i got home i came to know after 10-15 days she cheated on me. She used to talk with a guy in tiktok. And when i came to know I didn't feel anything. I was just numb. Like she did this same thing 6-7 times i lost count FR. And when i asked her what the reason was she said " you don't treat me well online you are controlling and some bullshit." But when we met after that she blocked each and every guy out cause i was soo loving and caring towards her and she claimed that she won't do that again ever because I'm soo different in IRL. But idk man what to do I'm just saying she didn't suffer alone while we are in a long distance I did too. I never cheated on her and never talked to any girl without any purpose ( i just don't talk ). She has a lot going on with her family condition. She said she used to feel lonely thatswhy she used to talk with other guys( Ignoring me) . I don't know man maybe I'm just too possessive or shit. I just wanted a girl to love, have family , and travel fuck why is everything so complicated. I DIDN'T DESCRIBE IT MORE BECAUSE I WOULD BE SO LONG .

"TAKE CARE EVERYONE BE HAPPY AND LET OTHERS BE HAPPY"

sorry if my english is not good 😊.

Some background. I have been seeing a girl for about 7 months atp. We have had our fights and almost broken up a few times, but we try again and do still love each other. We are not official, but we are dating exclusively. She had mentioned to me that she had cheated on a past boyfriend, saying he just wouldn't break up with her, so she had no choice. She doesn't feel much remorse. To be fair, she has never given me any reasons to believe she has cheated with me, which is partly why I have looked past it. Until now

So she goes on a cruise for spring break with her family and some family friends whom I have never met or heard about. I had to stay home since I couldn’t afford it, and I also had an internship starting. But I told her to have fun since she had been working hard and did need a break. She left on a Saturday, and from then till about Wednesday, we are texting now and then, and it's going fine. On Thursday, she goes radio silent. She calls back on FT Friday for about 3 minutes, basically telling me she's been drinking that whole time. I ended the call kind of annoyed that she didn't at least send a text. Later that day, I look on Instagram and see she's blocked me. I ask her about it, and she says it was an accident, which I find hard to believe since you need to press at least two different confirmations to do. We then don’t talk until Sunday after she gets back to her apartment. She has been telling me that part of the reason she hadn't texted me the second half was that other people were on the wifi network on the ship, which cut her off since only one person can use it at a time. I have never heard of wifi like this, but I could be wrong

All of this hasn’t sat right with me, and to this day I truly don’t know if I am overreacting or not

My ex 20F and I 21M were together for about 5 months before our first breakup. Early in the relationship, we both somewhat agreed that watching porn crossed a boundary and was considered cheating to us.
About 6 months in, she went through my phone while I was asleep and found porn I had looked at here on Reddit, including videos involving creators from a specific state and an OnlyFans of somebody she MIGHT know, and I only know of. I seriously find it weird she went through my phone because I have always said, “If you want to, you can. I’m an open book.” I seriously have nothing to hide and never would, I also didn't think she would look at my reddit shile I sleep.
She also found a list of names of girls I had slept with in my notes app. I know that’s immature, but it’s a lot and I didn’t really want to forget how many. I honestly felt like keeping a list and knowing was better than pretending it wasn’t a lot or not knowing.
I know all of that hurt her badly, and I’ve apologized for it many times. That incident caused major trust issues for the rest of the relationship. She constantly told me I made her insecure and that I was looking at girls who looked nothing like her (she’s Latina and the porn included mostly blonde women). She would also bring up how most of my past partners were blonde as she had a list of names to search them all up. Made me feel really weird.
Around the same time, I was considering moving to that same state in which the porn was based in because of a good opportunity there, but she had no interest in long distance and had told me that from the beginning, which added even more tension. She hated how the porn was s0ecific to that location which I completely understand, but I only looked at it once or twice and kept trying to explain it had no importance to me.
After the porn incident, I spent over a month trying to regain her trust. Throughout the entire relationship, including that month, I constantly reassured her, took her on dates, dinners multiple times a week, weekend Airbnb trips 1–2 times a month, etc. But things became very on-and-off because she felt she couldn’t trust me and believed I had wandering eyes.
Then one night after we had broken up again, I went to a bar and, while I am NOT proud of it, ended up crashing my car on the way home, getting a DWI, and going to jail for 24 hours.
Two days later, I reached out to her because I was honestly overwhelmed and didn’t really have anybody to talk to. Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have because it complicated things emotionally.
After that, we basically got back into a relationship without officially calling it one. During this entire time, we were still seeing each other constantly, having sex regularly (never really going more than a week without seeing each other), saying “I love uuyou,” and even celebrating our six months together, which I assumed meant we were dating again.
A couple weeks ago, she told me she was at her friend’s house one night, but I later realized she had actually gone to a bar and lied about it. I honestly do not care if a girl goes to a bar with friends as long as I know, because I care about them getting home safe and being okay overall.
She eventually admitted she lied and said she did it because I had gone to a bar after our breakup, so she felt justified. She also claimed we technically weren’t dating, even though everything had basically gone back to normal — conversations all day, dates, sex, saying “I love you,” etc.
Then about 5 days ago, we went out to dinner together, had sex afterward, and she even took me to an AA meeting to help me prepare for court because of the DWI situation.
Two days later, she suddenly ghosted me.
When I finally got ahold of her the next day, she hinted at “getting even” with me. I pressed her on it because I had a gut feeling, and after basically telling her I know she "got fucked" eventually she asked if I would "drop her if so" basically admitting she had slept with a past hookup, then saying it was because she felt I had cheated first and she wanted to “get back” at me and make things even.
This was literally TWO days after we had unprotected sex and I bought her a Plan B.
That’s what really messed me up mentally. It feels weird because she did it to “get even,” but I genuinely don’t feel like what I did was anywhere close to that extreme. I apologized for the porn, stopped doing it, and tried my best to reassure her that it meant nothing emotionally.
She claims I cheated and she didn’t because “we weren’t dating.” I asked if she did it to hurt me or get even, and she straight up said “get even.”
Then she proceeded to tell me she used a condom and that I was “way bigger and better,” which honestly somehow made me feel even worse. But then I imagined if her statement was the opposite... LOL. Guess it can always be worse.
Afterward, she said she was happy I hated her, that she did it so I could move on, and that she still loved me and wished me the best.
I’m not proud of this part, but I completely lost it emotionally and called her disgusting, a whore, slut, etc. I do feel bad about that because it’s not normally who I am, but I was extremely angry and hurt.
She also told me I “wasn’t hurt” and said I was the real whore because I already followed girls on Instagram since her telling she did what I consider "cheating".
I eventually got her to bring my clothes back, ended things completely, and blocked her.

Is she crazy like I think? Yea or Nah😂

I fully admit I broke trust and hurt her with the porn issue. I understand why she felt betrayed if we both agreed early on that porn crossed a boundary. But I genuinely would never have slept with someone else while we were still involved like that, and NEVER thought she would have done this to me.
This relationship just became deeply toxic on both sides, just glad I saw what I saw early on rather than years in.
Still wish her luck of course. She really seems like she is going to need it..
Been keeping this to myself as it's an embarrassing situation, not sure if posting it here is right but.... too late.
Thanks for reading.

Please only give advice that answers the question without just telling me to leave.

My boyfriend struggled with a corn (not sure if i can use the word) addiction for about five years and stopped shortly before we started dating. He told me this morning that he had relapsed (after approx 2.5 years clean).

We both consider watching corn as cheating, so it was a bigger problem than just his relapse. I decided I would stay and told him that if it happened again he wouldn't get another chance. He seemed genuinely very sorry and was as honest as he could've been. He told me he's done what he can to make sure it won't happen again, and he can't even explain why he did it. It was late at night, but he made no effort to call me or do anything to prevent it (from how he made it sound).

I love him more than anything and he's the only person I feel like I've ever completely trusted and I fell like i believe him when he says he won't do it again. But I never distrusted him before, so now i'm not even sure how to act. We've always shared phones and locations, but this is something that he can access at any time from anywhere, so the only way to know he isn't is to trust him.

I keep saying i trust him, but in the back of my mind i can't stop thinking about it. How can I move on and start trusting him again?

I honestly don’t even know where to begin.

The past few months of my life have felt like one long survival episode. Things at home have been emotionally exhausting for a long time, especially with my mother. I’ve been carrying grief, family issues, constant emotional instability, and mental health struggles while trying to keep functioning normally. Recently my grandfather passed away too, and that completely shattered me because he was one of the only people who ever felt safe to me.

In the middle of all this, my relationship became my emotional safe place. I loved this man deeply. Even after the first time he cheated on me, I stayed because I truly believed we could rebuild things. I convinced myself that maybe people make mistakes, maybe love means working through ugly things, maybe if we both tried hard enough we could fix it.

But after the first cheating incident, something changed in me. I became hypervigilant. Every small thing triggered anxiety. Every delayed reply, every shift in tone, every weird feeling in my stomach made me panic internally because once trust breaks, your brain never fully relaxes again.

Still, I stayed. I loved him through it. I defended him. I tried to heal quietly while my own life outside the relationship was already falling apart emotionally.

Then recently I started getting that feeling again. The same gut feeling I had the first time. I kept trying to convince myself I was overthinking because I didn’t want to become “that paranoid girlfriend.” But eventually I saw messages between him and another girl. Flirting. Compliments. “View once” photos. The kind of conversation that immediately makes your chest drop because deep down you already know.

At first I questioned myself. I thought maybe I was overreacting because of my trust issues after the first cheating incident. But then he admitted it. Again.

And honestly I think that’s what broke me the most. Not just the cheating itself, but realizing my fear was valid all along. Realizing my nervous system was not “crazy” for being scared. It remembered something my heart desperately wanted to forget.

The worst part is that I still love him.

After everything, we sat down and talked for hours. We both cried. We decided we want to try fixing the relationship instead of ending it immediately. But I’m emotionally exhausted. Part of me wants to believe people can genuinely change. Another part of me wonders if staying after repeated betrayal slowly destroys your sense of self without you even noticing.

And I think what hurts the most is how personal cheating feels when you already struggle with abandonment and self-worth. After the second time, your brain stops asking “why did they do this?” and starts asking “what is wrong with me that this keeps happening?”

I know people will probably tell me to leave immediately. Maybe they’re right. Maybe they’re not. I genuinely don’t know anymore. I just know I’m tired. Tired of surviving everything. Tired of feeling emotionally unsafe everywhere. Tired of loving people deeply and still ending up hurt.

I think I’m posting this because I want to know if anyone has actually rebuilt trust after repeated cheating in a healthy way — or if staying only prolongs the damage.

Hi. Would like some advice please. I (24F) have been dating my fiancé since college freshman year. We’re engaged as of 2024 and have wedding in 4 ish months.

Long story short, pretty quickly after getting engaged, my fiancé (alone) went out to a strip club after the bar with his friend. I was out of town. He claims he was blacked out and doesn’t remember but I found the charges on his phone attempting to go thru. They didn’t work, long story short I guess he decided he might get caught, so he hid his phone down the street after leaving briefly and then came back in.

Following day, his mom calls asking where all these “fraud-looking” charges came from. Also saying she hasn’t heard from him and asked me to Life360. When I did, I pinged his phone being in the middle of the road. Shortly after, I heard from him that he just got back from Apple bc he bought a phone. Said he doesn’t remember what happened but had bloody arms and hands and insinuated a time or 2 he may have been mugged. Then when I got nervous said he was positive he didn’t and he just fell.

Few days later on a walk I redirect us to the strip club where I go in by myself (he refused to get any closer than a block) and ask to see the footage saying he was mugged outside. After watching some footage, I went home and told him that he could either come clean or leave. He told me he pawned his speaker to get cash back making up for the cash missing from his card from a lap dance he bought. They kicked me out pretty quickly after realizing I was watching inside footage so I just got to see him coming in and withdrawing money and getting a drink. But he originally told me he went in there to care for his scrapes, which I was able to see was a lie via the footage. No scrapes until he tried to hide his phone under a trash can.

Side note - he has always known strip clubs are cheating in my book. Flash forward about a year. We’re working through this and are working on regaining trust. He slowed (and now is back to the same level) drinking alcohol, works out a lot more, and seems a little bit more caring.

Problem is - last Friday, he was blacked out again in the bar. With me this time, but when I came out of the bathroom he was very heavily flirting with another girl at the bar. Enough so that I filmed part of it (although you can only see from the waist down and there’s nothing happening there) and when he turns around to look around and see if I’m there, he looks so embarrassed. I asked the surrounding people if they saw anything but bartender lied and the girl ran. I told him if he could explain it now that we would be ok, and he promptly went to go stand outside the bar alone instead.

What should I do?

My friend just told me he cheated on his girlfriend. He broke up with her a few days after that happened however when they were parting ways he didn’t tell her he cheated. We had an argument whether he should tell her for the sake of telling the truth. As we do not agree he decided to leave our groupchat and doesn’t wanna talk to any of us in the friendgroup. I’m wondering if his reasoning that it’s better for her to not know (as it was her first relationship) because it will (citing him) traumatize her for next relationships and hurt her. Shouldn’t she know though?

To put into context our relationship was rather good,we go on dates sometimes planned sometimes random hang out, give space when needed, normal communication blockades fights were not overly common either. A few days ago she told me she had willingly gotten the pet treatment from a Polly couple on a vr headset (because apparently that means something specific) when we have already agreed on being sole to each-other there have been issues in the past where I find conversations are overly flirtatious or directly can cross boundaries like someone stating clear sexual intentions over friendship and it just getting brushed off her shoulder while they continue to disrespect our relationship with erotic photos and sometimes nudes (the nudes get an insta block though and she doesn’t send anything other then selfies) a lot of the time it’s chalked up to she didn’t realize the social cues.
I still do not know what the pet treatment is other then that it can sometimes be a bad thing for Polly couples to do when it’s non consensual but it was consensual so I’m not sure how to move with this as it seems to be emotional cheating according to the girlfriend.

TLDR girlfriend of 3 years got the pet treatment from a Polly couple she wanted it to happen she has said she feels it was a forum of emotional cheating what do I do I’m confused and this seems kind of hard to understand to me. I am just hurt and upset

For a while I had the feeling that my girlfriend could be cheating on me, but never tried to seek anything further, as I trust her.

For reasons; I happen to come across an xvideo with a girl I believe is my girlfriend. The face is blurred in the video along with some text the the middle that is blurred aswell. But from her physical features i’m almost sure its her. But I cant prove it and it driving me nuts and thinking if I am just overthinking things and its not her. Is there a way to cross reference the video somewhere where I can find the original poster or original post to get some clarity. I’m loosing it.

I could really use some encouraging words, advice, or speak with anyone who’s been in a remotely similar situation.

TLDR: My ex cheated on me (physically and emotionally) and still wants me back. What am I missing?

Strap in. I (28f) had been with my partner (28M) for two years. It was a fast two years- like we went on our first date and literally moved in together (he’s military lol). So though it was shorter, we had a life together already. In March of 2025, I found messages on his phone that were sexual. From what I can find, it was only every through messages and nothing ever left the internet. It still fucking broke me. I started my own therapy, but he went underway for 3 months on the ship literally 2 days later so there wasn’t much time to work on himself. Though we both decided we wanted to work on things. Our relationship from July-November was good. Not great, but I knew he was stressed because he was deploying in November for the first time and he was nervous and busy. But I could see he was trying to prioritize me through it all.

He deploys November of 2025. We’re keeping communication as best as we can but I can tell he’s struggling mentally. At the end of December he finally tells me he is. And by January, he’s telling me he’s developed a crush on someone at work but he’s trying his best to behave which is why he’s trying to be honest with me. Fucking broke me all over again, but I continued healing and trusted him. Then last month, I’m in his email and find that he had made a Hinge account in December. Fucking ouch. Then he FINALLY comes clean that the girl he had a crush on? Well they were actually “intimate.” At this point I’m fucking done, but I also have no clue what that means so I go straight to the source. I message the other woman and she tells me that he actually told the entire ship he and I were separated. He was hitting on her relentlessly, they had sex, then she denied him emotionally and he became really depressed. There it fucking is.

My guess of the timeline? He was done with me when he left, thought he could get something else or something better, couldn’t, and came crawling back with his tail tucked between his legs in January.

I haven’t talked to him since I found out. And let me be clear: I’m not getting back together with this man. I’m in my healing/grieving phase and I’m just left so confused (among other things lol). It’s so crazy seeing someone who you THOUGHT you knew and who knew you so intimately basically live a double life. Obviously no one can answer as to why this man did the things he did, but would just love some perspective, tips, anything. I also want to say there’s no judgement here: I’d love to hear from people who have cheated and people who’ve been cheated on. Anything helps

I found out my boyfriend recently cheated on me while I was on a trip. We live together. Turns out when we first started dating he was seeing someone then and was cheating on them with me, which I had no idea until now. and now i'm the one being cheated on. I love him and am so heartbroken but I know I have to leave him.

So how do I do it? Do I leave a note, pack my things while he's at work, and just leave? Block him on everything ? Give him no opportunity to say anything?

Or Do I confront him and let him know I know what he did? We've been on and off for two years, and serious for 10 months (living together for 4 months). I want to be respectful of our relationship and of his feelings. I hate the idea of hurting him... even though he's seriously betrayed me. What's the mature and healthy route to take. What will be best for my mental health?

I was with my gf for almost 3 years. We were so perfect together. She went off to training for work and I noticed she started acting weird and distant at work. Like not texting me as often or calling as much as usual. I have my suspicion. I called her one day and she answered and there was this guy standing outside her car talking to her. I asked questions and was told it was nothing just some dumb ass she didn't like that was in training. A couple days later I found deleted texts on her phone flirting with this guy and sending hearts. She defended herself saying I'm not the one who engaged. She told me it was nothing and she was going to stop talking to him at the end of the 2 week training. She told me right there she enjoys making men feel like shit. This all hit me hard, the messages what she told me. I had the worst week of my life. Couldn't eat, sleep, nothing. She comes home one day from work and confesses to me she cheated. I went downstairs and left right away just so confused and angry. She admitted she has mental problems and says she's meant to be alone in life. Claims it wasn't me at all. I've done everything correctly. Fast forward 3 weeks later there's a letter at my door and it goes on and on about how she thought she was a loner until I was gone. She regrets what she did, she misses me, I'm the only one shell ever love and the only one she would ever marry. To sum it up at the end she told me she will be waiting for me forever and always if I decide to talk. I have her blocked on everything, there is no physical way for her to contact me. She said in the letter what scares her the most is not having me in her life. Her family loves me they want me back but idk if I could ever go through that again. To do everything for someone, open car doors, pump their gas, daily nightly back massages. Also being the mental and physically support constantly. It's like how could someone do this to someone so good to their partner. It's just so confusing and I have no clue what to do.

I’ll be honest I just want revenge. I was pregnant and just had our daughter when I caught him at work telling people he was “separated”. I know I should have left then. He then went on to work in another restaurant and he began cheating with his manager who is also married. I want them all to hurt as much as I have. Advice on how to embarrass and expose them?

Really no words. Said I was in the way of their love and that if he could’ve, he would’ve dumped me in front of her to prove it. This was after 7 years together. Not spoken a word to him since

Me and girlfriend (9 months together) got into an argument and nasty things were spoken. After the fight she said she needed some time to heal. I tried multiple times to contact her and apologize. I was always the one apologizing even if it wasn’t my fault. When she actually answered (two weeks after) she said that she met a person two weeks ago and got engaged just a week after they met each other.
I begged her to stay, to fight for this relationship , and that this new guy doesn’t know her like I do. I don’t feel proud of this at all. Then she showed me the ring and my world just shattered.
We had plans to get married, she made a million promises and told me that I was the best love of her life.

I need help. How can I get out of this black hole? Is it possible for her just to be avoidant with me ?

I am devastated that I have to find out by accident on my own , found her not at work as she was saying but somewhere else in the car with another man .Not sure what happened between them but she swear that it is only a friend.I have challenged her saying that if it was a friend why the lies, secrets , hiding etc.. still no response.
The way I feel is bad , I do not sleep at night , walking like a zombie , now it has affected also my work performance and already been called in for my superficiality at work where I almost made a company loss of various millions of pounds.
Please help do not what to do.

My husband and I have been together for about a year, and I recently found out he’s been cheating on me with multiple women. I feel completely broken and honestly lost.

The difficult part is that aside from the cheating, our life is financially stable. We live comfortably, and we’re planning to invest in property together soon. I come from a poor background and even though I’m educated and work hard, I’m almost 30 and feel like I have nothing financially solid to show for my 20s. My husband comes from a stable family and is doing very well financially.

I’ve always wanted kids, but now I’m questioning everything because I don’t trust him anymore.

Part of me thinks:
- stay for 5 years, build financial security, maybe have a child, then leave later if things don’t improve
- or leave now, start over, and try to build a healthier life with someone else

I know this probably sounds transactional or messed up, but I’m trying to think logically for once instead of making emotional decisions I regret later. I also don’t really have close family or trusted friends to talk to about this.

For people who have been in similar situations: what decision did you make, and do you regret it?

F (31) I am asian living across the world from my boyfriend M(30) USA. Dry and cold. I am in my last straw, in the verge of giving up. I just need one last bomb for me to finally ditch him off. He dont wanna add me on his snapchat, ig, and facebook and we’ve been fighting about that, so he instead deleted them all rather than me being connected with him there. One time I found out he’s got tinder on his phone. I just want someone to please caught him on action. Pretend you knew him, ask his social medias, befriend him, ask him when was his last sex, ask him if he’s got a girlfriend oh God I am getting insane and being this cheap already. 😭 I am losing sleep already being anxious. I don’t deserve this but I can’t let go and neither him. He kept on chasing me. I just need to confirm these red flags for me to finally stop. I don’t know what to do anymore.