r/CheatedOn

Well while we broke up she left yes I cheated 100 % I was wrong, she left n fucked the same guy she been fucking over 9 years she had a relationship with somebody else she had a kid prior to me, every time she and her bd fight she will go see him, she says she doesn’t love the guy , we just has bby and this shit killing me, I take full accountability of my actions! I was wrong but her going to the same guy over n over is crazy to me ! What do you Guys think ? Is it love or a sex thing ?

Here’s a much more concise version that still captures the key events, your emotional experience, and ends by asking for advice:

I’m 35, and my ex-partner (31) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from chat GPT where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, (even though chat GPT suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar. So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person.
Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over \*why\* they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult. ❤️

I kicked my husband out (together 17years, 3kids) because he had sent an over the line (for me) text to some girl he does business with. He said if she ever needed a work out buddy he was available. He was gone for two/three days and I find out he made a tinder account the same day I let home come home and talk/make love. I went through the messages and he reached out to a few matches.

I was devastated and told him so. He said he was stupid and was r thinking and said he would deactivate it. He left to take the kiddos away. That same night I asked him to stay and talk and found out he kept the app and sent more messages about actually meeting up with someone. We yelled and he said he’s been thinking about it for a while. And asked if he could maybe just take time to go and have sex with other people. Or have an open relationship but only him. I said no! That it would absolutely not be ok. We are trying to work it out.

He is saying that he didn’t know what happened and why he even did those things. I’m/me and the kids are all he wants. I gave him an out and told him he could leave but I just couldn’t be with him after him having sex with other people. He said he won’t. I think the biggest betrayal is that I never had an issue with this, he never hides his phone, he never is shady about things. He is a different person, though the last few years he’s been working out, taking a lot of interest in himself, so I think maybe the overconfidence that’s happening is an issue.

My husband wasn’t a very confident guy, but that’s kind of what I loved about him and he wasn’t cocky. He was just him, not a typical man. But now I’m having a hard time seeing him outside of a typical man. It just happened over the weekend and I want him so very much and I love him, but I’m having a hard time getting over the betrayal part and I feel stupid.

I found out my bf was cheating on me with a 24 year old girl. She messaged me screenshots proving he was seeing her pretty often, also paying her bills, telling her he loved her and wanted her to have his baby. I looked at her profile and she is stunning like model like with a perfect body.. I’m just plain Jane I guess. Meanwhile he has never given me any money the entire 1 year we’ve been together…

He apologized so much the past two weeks I have been ignoring him. He even sent me flowers and an I’m sorry card and chocolates. I’m so busy with work this is just overwhelming me. But I do still love him. He has put me through so much. 4 months into our relationship I found out he was also legally married still. He kept lying saying he wasn’t married. I never been inside his home but apparently this girl has. She’s been on trips with him too. She told me they have sex all the time almost daily and he initiates. I look at her social media every day and it’s been over a month. I did take him back but I’m just like why can’t I stop looking at her profile?

So without going wild with details my friend who broke up with his ex 2+ years ago got a text this morning to a link on a corn site morealess. He confirmed it's his ex in the images and short clips by identifying a picture painted by his mother in the background and a stuffy he got her as well plus it's obviously her by the pics alone. The comments on said site confirmed a lot of issues he questioned during the relationship and knew she was cheating on him for three years online but had no idea it was being done physically as well except for the guy she's with now.

The guy she's with now she was screwing around on my friend with on and off for 7 months apparently which my friend found out the first September after they broke up in the previous May-June before that and that there was anniversary pic was posted to her now private insta page and would have only been 3-5 months after my buddy was physically with her last. My friend had suspicions prior to that tho and when they were separated before officially breaking up he thought she was messing with this guy in the basement and according to a commenter that knew her personally at that time she was and apparently another one claimed he fucked her well with her new partner that again she originally messed around on my friend with.

So I created this account to literally find out if there's someone that can help me find more credible evidence, I told my friend if I find anything that is maybe hard to watch or see i'd just tell him about it or show him curated stuff like comments and he has no idea I made a Reddit to find out more so I'm really going undercover on this one lol.

I'm not sure if this is the right board as I've never used Reddit before but if not just lmk and I'll redirect it 👍.

We are both in our 30s. This is the second time he has cheated on me (f). This time he lied for a month straight. I asked him outright several times and he said no. I felt like something was off so i was asking if there had been anyone else. He told me no. We were intimate and I asked him before we were intimate because I could still feel like something was off. Shortly after that I found out through the girl he cheated with. She originally was vague about it and said he was trying to flirt and that she shut him down. I asked him he denied it. A couple weeks later I aksed her for more details. She gave me more details and I told him I had proof he denied it for 3 hours and told me I probably made it up. And then started accusing me of lying about random things. He finally admitted to it.

Then I found out more details that she had kept from me. And I called her out on those. I asked him to see their messages and they were deleted. So i aksed her. She sent me all of their messages.

But i asked him why hed lie. He said "i thought i was protecting you". I told him that lying to me is not protecting me its protecting himself from consequence and accountability. I also said by holding that narrative he is only causing more trauma and making it harder to heal.

I was still working on rebuilding trust from the first time of cheating in January. The second time happened in the middle of May and he didnt own up to it until the end of june.

I dont know how to recover and rebuild the relationship if he is continuing to say that he was trying to protect me by not telling me the truth.

Soooo my husband of one year at the time, decided to message some men on Reddit looking to hook up. Said it has to be during the day because well i work during the day. I found out he wanted videos on snapchat blah blah blah. Said he was never going to meet up with them yeah yeah yeah. Fast forward to a couple of months later hes finding people on onlyfans.. rad right, and one person was someone who lived in the same area. He asked if they do threesomes. She said anything is possible. I found out flipped out, now im marked as a psycho. Nowwwwwww hes finding people again on reddit. And bringing him to jerkmate NOW i have no idea if hes messaging people. Butttt i feel like if you are messaging someone thats a line? Like he may have not actually cheated but it feels like he is cheating. Its like if i went out of my way to ask some random dude if they wanna fuck or if i send him pictures and then make a plan while he is at work to meet up hed go off the deep end. Which quite honestly thats what i want to do. Because i just dont go away quietly i like revenge. I crave revenge.

I’m not gonna delve too far into it because there are people on this sub that have it way worse. Getting cheated on, and that break of trust is an extremely painful thing to endure and anyone who has endured it, I am sorry you went through it. This is round 2 for me which makes it pretty brutal but here we go.

My gf (she’s bisexual, that’s important later) and I have been together for 3 years and throughout our relationship I have been the one who have shouldered a lot of the burden in terms of the household, financially, and even the work in our relationship, bc she was finishing college.

We join a martial arts gym in hopes of gaining a new skill as well as making some new friends (which we were lacking). A couple of months in and we make a little friend group with a married man, a woman my gf’s age, and a woman that is 17 years her elder. Our friendship involves hanging out at bars a lot.

I’ve always had some reservations about my gf stemming from the first time I was cheated on (it was a 4 year relationship) so she knew this was my one scar that still was painful to this day.

Well today (because I caught them rubbing each others legs under the table at the bar, so I confronted both of them) I learned that for the past 4 months, she has been cheating on me with the woman who is 17 years her elder. Off and on for these 4 months, where she said it was the other woman’s idea and it happened when they were drunk.

The shitty thing is that within those 4 months, my entire family planned and threw her a graduation party (her family isn’t super involved in her life), I took her on a week long trip to Puerto Rico, and she was pushing us to find a new apartment TODAY, bc our lease is up in a couple weeks.

So yeah, this was extremely brutal and this is all very raw for me. Sorry for sparing the excruciating details, but yeah. I figured I would want to hear from this sub bc not all people know what it’s like to have your trust broken.

Edit: I do not have any inclination of wanting to stay with her. I made it extremely clear, that I was willing to work through everything in a relationship except cheating. She was distraught and in tears when she finally confessed. She kept saying “I don’t want to lose you” and “I know I messed up”. We slept in separate rooms last night but since our lease is up in a few weeks I’ll be packing my things up and moving away from this city that’s taken too much from me and going back home.

I have been married for almost 20 years but have always had some level of same sex attraction. My wife was openly bisexual when we met. We have had a dead bedroom for over 10 years, which is all on my wife. She still acknowledges her bisexual side, but denies that she acts on it. However, she spends excessive amounts of time with one of her lifetime single female friends. They started vacationing together a few years ago and it has become a regular thing.

To make a long story short, I was on a business trip in Denver staying at a hotel on south Broadway. After a business dinner at the hotel I went for a walk to check out the neighborhood and stopped at a bar a couple blocks from the hotel that turned out to be a gay bar. Not a dance bar, just a neighborhood bar that was a gay bar.

I had a couple drinks at the bar and this guy sat down next to me. We chatted for a while and I excused myself to use the restroom. When I came back he had bought us tequila shots. I did my shot and immediately felt a bit dizzy. He drove me back to my hotel and took me upstairs to my room and the next thing I know I am naked on my knees sucking his cock.

Everything kind of became a blur after that. The hotel had a city view and I remember being on all fours on a chair in front of the window getting drilled from behind. He fucked me six or seven times over the course of the next few hours then left. I woke up the next morning with cum still leaking from my ass.

I am struggling with what to do. Should I tell my wife what happened? I am pretty sure he drugged me so it was not really my fault.

I (24M) was with my ex (21F) for over four years. I recently moved to a different city for a new job, making us long-distance. On her 21st birthday, back on May 31st, I decided to travel back and surprise her. Instead of a celebration, I caught her cheating on me with a guy from her coaching classes.Even after that massive betrayal, I was devastated and still tried to pursue her, hoping we could fix things. But she just grew completely cold and stopped putting in any effort.Realizing she didn’t want to talk to me anymore, I finally decided to walk away. I sent her one last string of texts to officially close the chapter.I essentially told her to take care, stay safe, eat well, and be happy. I explicitly said I understand she doesn't want to talk to me, so I am going away. I mentioned that I hope she doesn't miss me, but that I’m still just a text away if she ever genuinely needs me. I finished by promising I won't bother her anymore and wishing her the absolute best for her future. She completely ignored the messages and left me on read.Since that happened, I have completely turned things around. I joined the gym, got an amazing flat, and a few girls already want to be with me after hearing about what happened. However, I am turning down those opportunities because I want to focus strictly on growing individually right now.Looking back at that final text, did I do the right thing by taking the high road and wishing her well, or did I just look desperate after what she did?

Me and my college friends went on a trip to Manali, and we got split into different bungalows. Ours had six guys and two girls. One of those girls was my new girlfriend, and in my head I thought this trip was finally going to be our chance to get some privacy. The problem was everyone was packed into rooms and nobody wanted to switch. I kept asking people if they’d move for a while, and every single time someone laughed it off. Then one of the guys, the typical confident hunk who always got his way, looked at me and said, “Stop making excuses. If she wanted to sleep with you, she’d find a way.” He even made it into a challenge, basically saying we’d find out whether she actually wanted me or not. My friends eventually emptied one room for her and her roommate, so I genuinely thought I’d proved him wrong. I went in, asked her, and she still said no because she said she was in pain. I walked back out feeling like the biggest idiot in the bungalow while everyone had that smug “I told you so” look on their faces.
She wasn’t the prettiest girl on the trip if you asked people to rank faces, but she had the kind of figure that made people do a double take without even realizing it. Everything about her looked natural, and she knew how to dress in a way that suited her. That night she was wearing a fitted bodycon dress that stood out the moment she walked into the bungalow. I noticed the other guys noticing her too. Nobody ever said anything out loud because she was with me, but you catch those looks as a guy. The quick glances, the little nudges, someone changing the subject when you walk over. I didn’t think much of it at the time because I trusted her and figured that’s just how groups of college guys are. Looking back, I wonder if everyone else had already picked up on something I hadn’t.
Then the whole night took a turn I still can’t explain. The same guy who’d been taking the piss out of me walked over to her. As far as I knew they’d barely spoken before that night. A little while later he came back and casually asked me if I had condoms. I just stood there trying to process what I’d heard. The mood in the bungalow changed completely after that. People started looking at each other, whispering, disappearing down the hallway and coming back with expressions that said enough without anyone needing to explain. I remember sitting there wondering if I was being pranked because none of it made any sense. The girl who’d rejected me minutes earlier because she wasn’t feeling well was suddenly at the center of everything. One by one, my friends disappeared into that room, and by the end of the night I went in too.

i found out when i was 16yo, she was helping me straighten my hair while she was on a call, she talked in such an ambiguous way i didn’t put much attention to it thinking it was one of her friends but after a while i noticed that she was talking to a guy from the voice, i thought it was my dad but i paused and asked myself “why is she talking to him as a she ?” i felt my heart sink in and i didn’t know what to do, i started noticing more stuff and how much she would be on her phone 24/7 and other things until one day i gained the courage to talk to my older brother, he texted her immediately to asl her when she was out and she laughed it off and said that i am imagining it and she was talking to a delivery guy, she called me after crying telling me that if my dad hear about it its all gonna be over and that she was only helping a friend to “test” her husband for her and the dumb 16yo me believed her and cried so hard because i just wanted anything to believe but the fact that my mom is cheating on my dad, they both love each other dearly and my dad is the best dad i could ever have.. i used to cry so hard at school from the thought of her leaving so i just believed her and i was so happy until one day i noticed the same patterns on her again, i didn’t know how to confront her myself, now my brother thinks i am a sensitive crybaby who imagined stuff because of her lie and i know if i told him again he wont do good or believe me because he still jokes about it till this day, i just held it all in me and now i am almost 22, the same cycle the same patterns same everything, now i am suspicious that she has a serious relationship outside the marriage and that she go out with him and he knows us all, she talk to him so freely around us thinking nobody would notice cuz who would think about that ? but i know, i am not a kid anymore i know when someone does that and acts like a teenager, i know his name i know everything but i just dont know how to talk to her, i still love her to death and sometimes i totally forgot myself and have good time with her but the moment she just holds her phone next to me i feel repulsive and i cant bring myself to look at her. i dont trust her anymore, when she kisses my dad or when they spend time in front of me i feel like i wanna pluck my eyes out, i start sweating and crying uncontrollably under the shower thinking about it.. today i went out with her and my little sister but she ended up chatting with him right next to me and my eyes fell on their chat and my face literally turned completely and i felt like puking, i had to walk out and breathe and i acted natural after.
i cant live like this anymore so i thought about asking one of my friends to drive me to my relatives house tomorrow and i will send her a long message to confront her and to explain that i wont be back home until she does something about what she is doing, i am done and sick acting like i am the parent and i am so over putting her first just because she is my mother and i believe its my time to act and do whats best for me, idc what she does wether to tell my dad or break up with her lover and stop doing it. even if she cries and tells me that she will stop i dont think i will trust her and all of this will still be graved in me till the day i die..

I just found out my husband of 20 years, has been having an affair with the girl he lost his virginity to in high school, he claimed they were just good friends, but when I just discovered their cheating, he revealed to me that they’ve been best friends, and he did have romantic feelings for her and considered acting on it years ago, but claims he didn’t. They’ve had multiple meetings over the years, all behind my back, going to the lake together, going on hikes, etc. Her mom was dying and he was able to tell her mom that he would always be there to look after her. He claims that she was in an abusive relationship, so he’s been helping her through that. Because he would go to her whenever she needed, behind my back, he told me she has a heart of gold. For some reason that really stings. I however have had a chronic illness for 10 years of our relationship, I needed him, his love and care, but now knowing why he wasn’t around sometimes, he was with her, because she needed him. He said they’re best friends, but he loves her, too. People tell me the same thing, that I have a heart of gold and am the sweetest most light hearted person, and so loving, how could the man I thought was my everything and forever love, been with his high school chick, this entire time. Meaning our marriage was a lie, all of it, he literally ruined my whole life. We met when I was 26, I’m 45 now. He told me she was on drugs, and hit rock bottom, so he had to be there for her. I hate her and him, I know it’s his fault, but she has been with him the whole time, a married man. I feel like such a fool and can’t believe I wasted 20 years of my life with him. 20 years of lies and deceit and betrayals I really can’t understand why he stayed married to me, if he really just wanted to be with her. His mom died last year, and he said they reconnected because their moms passed, and I wouldn’t understand, literally using it again at me because I can’t connect with him that way.But I am heartbroken and devastated. I’m shattered as a human. I’m questioning everything. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. I have some brain damage from an accident and so my emotional conscience is completely beyond its limits. I don’t know if my damaged mind will allow me to survive this trauma.

She said she was going to a yoga retreat but she really went to Vegas for 5 days. It was 4th of July weekend and we have 3 little kids at home.

What would be the best way for me to let her know that she is busted and this is over?

Help me internet.

2 years ago my husband had an affair with another woman who knew that he was married. She knew each one of our children and our granddaughter by name. She knew full well going into the situation that he was married, living with me, that we had a family and custody of one of our grandchildren at the time. Eventually I found out about the affair. I confronted my husband about it. It turned into a horrible mess that ended up costing us custody of our granddaughter among other things. My name was dragged through the mud and I was made to look like the bad guy in all of it. My husband lied to protect his reputation as well as hers, telling people that I was a drug addict and that I was the one having the affair instead of him. It was absolutely humiliating at the time. The people closest to us knew the truth, but others in the community that did not really know me believed him because he is with the fire department. I am an extremely private person, I don't make friends easily. He was very outgoing in the community so everyone took his side over mine. Part of the conditions of me staying in the marriage was that he had to tell the truth. I think he did to some people but not everyone. The other woman was never brought into any of this. She lives in another town about 30 minutes from here. People think she's this wonderful Christian woman who would never do something so awful. I know otherwise. They had an affair for almost 2 years if you count the very beginning when they started messaging on Facebook. The message is turned into a full-blown sexual affair. I'll never know the complete truth because neither one of them would ever fully admit to how many times they actually met up and had sex but I do know for a fact that they did at least meet once and have sex during those two years but I'm sure it was more than that. She tried to convince me she didn't even know him at all, he's the one that eventually caved to save his marriage and told me that he did in fact have sex with her but it was only once and after I caught him he ended it because I demanded that it stopped. My question is after 2 years have went by would you post on a local Facebook chat that posts homeworkers like her? I've always felt like she came out of this with no consequences whatsoever. She had a boyfriend living with her at the time that never knew any of this was going on right under his nose. I always felt that was so unfair she never paid for any of it and people think she's this wonderful person when in fact she was not. She had just as much in this as he did when she tore my family apart. Would it be wrong with me to post on social media about her being a homewrecker now after 2 years? It makes me so angry that she never had any consequences for anything! I know I should probably just let it go and that it would be Petty but the petty part of me wants some kind of revenge, I want her to pay in some way I don't feel like she should get to walk away the rest of her life not paying any consequences and no one knowing what she did to me and my family.