This is a question for those that begged for months after being dumped. I know that the likelihood that you felt some sort of shame was high. But, my question is did they ever reach out to you after you stopped?
I'm looking for objective advice from people who have dealt with something similar.
I was in a relationship that ended a while ago. Since then, I've repeatedly told my ex that I don't want any contact anymore. I've blocked him everywhere and have made it very clear that I want to move on with my life.
The problem is that he keeps contacting me intermittently. Sometimes there are weeks or even a month of silence, and then suddenly he'll call multiple times. Every time I've tried talking to him to get closure or make him understand my perspective, the conversation always goes in circles. It turns into discussions about who hurt whom, what's "fair," and things that happened years ago. It never actually reaches a resolution.
In the past, he has also shown up where I was and once contacted someone I was dating to ask them to back off so he could "have another chance." That crossed a major boundary for me.
Recently, after another conversation where I again told him not to contact me and that I'd consider formal action if he continued, he said he didn't care what I did. Since then, he went quiet for about a month before making another call.
I'm not afraid that he'll physically harm me, but every time I see his name pop up or notice a blocked call, my anxiety spikes because I keep wondering if this is the start of another cycle.
I'm not looking for revenge or to get back together. I simply want him to stop being part of my life.
For people who've experienced something similar:
Did intermittent contact eventually stop on its own?
At what point did you decide to involve the police or take legal action?
Is continuing to ignore the best approach, or is there something else that actually helped end the contact?
I'd really appreciate practical advice rather than assumptions about either of us. I'm just trying to figure out the healthiest way to move forward. I am just super scared when I see or hear anything related to him at this point.
For those of you whose ex never came back, what do you think ultimately made them decide not to? Looking back, do you think it was because they genuinely moved on, met someone else, lost feelings, pride, fear, or something else entirely?
I’m a 31M. She’s 32F.
We dated for about 6 months. We were never officially “official”, but emotionally it felt like a relationship. We talked every day, spent multiple nights together every week, met each other’s friends, and became very attached.
The relationship had a confusing push-pull dynamic. Whenever we became emotionally closer, she often seemed to pull back. She sometimes withdrew emotionally or physically when things became more intimate, talked about exes or other men in ways that made me insecure, and eventually admitted that although she cared deeply about me, she couldn’t fully choose me.
During the breakup she cried, apologized several times, told me she found me attractive, cared deeply about me, thought we were compatible, but simply couldn’t commit to a relationship with me.
I was devastated.
About two weeks later she unexpectedly reached out to check on me. She said she was also very sad, processing everything, grateful for what we had, and that my response “meant a lot” to her.
We exchanged one kind message each and then the conversation ended.
A couple of weeks later, the evening before my birthday, she reached out again:
**“Happy birthday in advance.**
**I’m sending it now so tomorrow can be completely about you. I didn’t want to let the day pass without sending you a message, even though it might be a little soon after my last one.**
**Thank you again for your previous message. It was really nice to hear from you, and it meant a lot to me.**
**Apart from this message, I’ll of course give you the space you need.”**
I replied warmly, thanked her, and told her she didn’t need to worry so much about giving me space.
Here’s what I’m struggling with.
If someone ends the relationship because they can’t choose you, why keep reaching out?
The messages are warm, thoughtful and clearly deliberate. She remembered my birthday, even sent the message the night before because she had apparently thought about it beforehand.
At the same time she keeps emphasizing that she’ll “give me space,” while she’s also the one initiating contact.
To me it almost feels contradictory: opening the door just enough to remind me she’s still there, but never actually walking through it.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
Was it guilt? Genuine care? An avoidant attachment pattern? Breadcrumbing? Or simply someone who cared but still didn’t want the relationship?
I’m trying to understand whether I’m overthinking this or whether this kind of mixed messaging is genuinely confusing to other people too.
I (23F) have anxious attachment, and I know that's playing a role here. My boyfriend (22M) and I were together for almost four years in a long-distance relationship.
A few weeks ago, he went away for a training program. From the very first day he kept talking about different women there. One teacher was "pretty," then there was an older woman he mentioned, then stories about girls who talked to him and girls he talked to. He even listened to one girl's relationship problems, which was completely out of character for him. When I asked why, he said it was because I'd find the story interesting. I already had trust issues, so all of this made my anxiety much worse. And the trust issues are because of him
At the same time, I was overwhelmed with exam stress, PMS, and other personal issues. I was emotionally exhausted and, in a moment of panic, I brought up breaking up. Looking back, I don't think I genuinely wanted to end the relationship. I was just overwhelmed. The next day I realized I didn't want us to break up.
Later that day my anxiety became unbearable. I rarely ask him for emotional support because he doesn't really like dealing with emotions, but I thought once in a while would be okay. I called him and said, "Babe, I need you. Can you just talk to me?" Instead of comforting me, he said things like, "You stay at home and do nothing," and "Go study." He had just come back after spending the day with his friends and it was his day off, so it hurt even more. I ended the call by saying, "Okay, I won't disturb you anymore." He replied, "I'll handle you tomorrow."
The next day he called once. I didn't pick up. He called again that night, so I answered. The conversation was completely normal and lasted maybe two minutes. I wasn't rude or cold. Then from the very next day... nothing. No calls. No messages.
For the first time in almost four years, I didn't call either. I've always been the one begging, reaching out, fixing things, because I couldn't bear losing him. This time I didn't want to boost his ego by once again being the one who came back after he treated me badly.
It's been 8 days now. The confusing part is that he's extremely avoidant and has ghosted before, then returned acting like nothing happened. So part of me still keeps hoping he'll come back. But this time feels different.
Every no contact he keeps posting gym updates on WhatsApp like everything is normal but this time he didn’t do that . I can see his profile picture but I wonder if he deleted my number. We were sharing our locations through Find My. (His idea)For my own mental health, I stopped sharing mine, but I could still see his. The next day he stopped sharing his too. I posted a video of my bestie(f) suddenly he changed his pfp .
Then on Day 2, through my friend's account (because we don't follow each other anymore and his account is private), I saw he had followed four girls from his training. Since then his followers and following have kept increasing.
Meanwhile I'm barely eating, barely sleeping, vomiting from anxiety sometimes, and I can't focus on my studies. I'm constantly checking whether he's online on WhatsApp, checking if his location changes, and asking people to see if he's followed more girls. I don't even recognize myself anymore, and honestly I'm ashamed of how obsessive I've become.
It feels like he moved on in seconds while I'm still trying to survive the breakup. My brain keeps telling me our three year relationship meant nothing to him and that he's already talking to other girls.
I know nobody here can tell me exactly what he's thinking, but I'd really like to hear from people with avoidant attachment or anyone who's been in a similar situation. What do you think he's feeling? Do avoidants usually come back after going silent like this?I don’t wanna be obsessed but I can’t stop . I am constantly keeping my hopes up.
Its a trifecta of things today for me, been broke up 3 weeks. Its her birthday, im going to a concert tonight that she had bought us tickets for, i bought them off her upon breakup, im wearing a shirt she gave me.. it will take everything to not send a song clip and/or a happy birthday text
I (34F) am looking for an outside perspective to make sure I'm not overreacting.
Last year I dated a guy (26M) for about three months. We had incredible chemistry and I fell for him pretty hard. Toward the end, though, he slowly started pulling away. He'd prioritize hanging out with his friends, became harder to read, and eventually we ended things amicably. He later admitted he felt like things were getting too serious, panicked, and pushed me away. Since then, he'd reach out every few months saying he missed me or asking to hang out.
Nine months passed.
This spring I started seeing someone else (53M). He was incredibly affectionate and consistent, and became one of my best friends. Ultimately, I realized our long-term goals weren't aligned because I want marriage and children, so I ended that relationship.
Around the same time, my ex (26M) found out about him and texted me he'd messed up, regretted letting me go, wanted another chance, and even asked me if I wanted to plan a trip back to the place we first visited together last yet. I believed he'd done some growing, so I decided to give him another shot this week.
We spent an amazing evening together. He was incredibly affectionate holding my hand, rubbing my back, kissing me, singing to me in the car, telling me to pack a bag and stay the night. We had a really intimate night together and the next morning he suggested we'd spend the day together hiking and having a picnic.
Instead though, after breakfast, his plans gradually disappeared. We barely walked five mins into the woods and we laid in a hammock. then he suddenly decided to go float the river with his friends and he didn’t offer to wait for me to get my swim suit. I left assuming we'd reconnect later, but he didn't text me all day. Eight hours later he finally texted Text me if you get bored or want to hang out :)"
This completely changed how I saw everything.
Its not really about the text, but the realization that this felt exactly like last year. Major excitement when he first had my attention again, lots of physical affection, lots of chemistry... but very little consistency or intentional effort once he had access to me again.
if someone already lost me once and genuinely wanted another chance, shouldn’t they show more effort and communication and consistency the first week I give them access to me again??? not assume I'd just fit around their plans. So disappointed. ☹️
Am I being too harsh by deciding this one weekend showed me enough? Or is it reasonable to conclude that chemistry without consistency just isn't enough to build a relationship on?
From my perspective, he always seemed emotionally much younger than his actual age. He could be incredibly loving, affectionate, and vulnerable, but he also seemed overwhelmed by emotions that most adults eventually learn to regulate.
He desperately wanted to feel loved and accepted. At the beginning of our relationship, he talked about marriage, called me his wife, imagined a future together, and seemed genuinely attached to me. At the same time, he often appeared deeply afraid that I would abandon him. There were moments when he begged me not to leave him, cried in my arms, and looked completely heartbroken at the thought of losing me when smth was wrong. Those moments never felt manipulative to me—they felt genuine. I truly believed he was terrified of being left.
He cried much more easily than most men I had known. Whenever he felt overwhelmed, ashamed, or scared that our relationship was in danger, he often broke down emotionally. I spent a lot of time comforting him, reassuring him that I loved him, holding him, hugging him, kissing him, and trying to help him feel safe again. I wanted him to believe that we were on the same team and that problems could be solved together.
One pattern repeated itself many times. When I brought up something that had hurt me, his first reaction was often defensive. He would snap at me, become irritated, or argue back. But if I stayed calm and continued talking instead of escalating the conflict, something usually changed. He would stop arguing, become very quiet, simply listen, and after a while he would often start crying. It often felt as though his initial defensiveness was protecting him from emotions that became too overwhelming once he finally allowed himself to hear what I was saying.
His emotional reactions sometimes seemed surprisingly childlike. I remember one occasion when he was crying so intensely that he called out for his mother. That moment stayed with me because it reflected how overwhelmed and emotionally helpless he could become under stress. Rather than being able to regulate his emotions on his own, he seemed to instinctively seek the comfort and safety he associated with his mother.
At the same time, whenever the relationship became emotionally demanding, something seemed to change inside him. Instead of staying present and working through the conflict together, he often became emotionally flooded. He struggled to tolerate criticism or disappointment without feeling personally rejected. It frequently seemed as though he interpreted conflict as evidence that I no longer loved him.
When that happened, he became defensive, withdrawn, or emotionally overwhelmed. Sometimes he shifted the focus toward his own pain rather than addressing the issue that had hurt me. I often felt that instead of solving the problem together, I first had to calm him down so that we could even begin talking.
He also had great difficulty taking responsibility for his own decisions. When I confronted him about something painful, he often answered with statements like, "But you said I could," or "You told me not to come." It felt as though he relied on my words to justify his actions instead of making independent adult decisions and accepting their consequences.
He depended heavily on external sources of emotional security. His self estime was very dependent on everyone. Over time I felt less like an equal partner and more like someone who had to regulate both his emotions and my own.
He appeared to have fragile self-esteem. On one hand, he needed reassurance and emotional support. On the other hand, he often protected himself through principles, politics, or rigid positions that made it difficult for him to admit mistakes or tolerate feeling wrong. It sometimes seemed easier for him to defend an idea than to admit vulnerability or guilt.
I don't think he lacked feelings. Quite the opposite—I believe he felt emotions very intensely. The problem, as I experienced it, was that he didn't know how to manage those emotions in a healthy, adult way. Love, fear, shame, disappointment, and conflict all seemed to overwhelm him. During peaceful moments he wanted closeness, affection, and reassurance, but when emotions became too intense, he often withdrew instead of staying connected and working through the problem.
That is what made our relationship so confusing. The same person who cried in my arms, begged me not to leave, dreamed about our future together, and seemed devastated by the idea of losing me was also capable of walking away when the relationship became difficult. I never doubted that he loved me in his own way. I doubted whether he had the emotional maturity and stability necessary to х a healthy long-term partnership.
Month of NC passed. Do we still have a chance? Will he be able to get over his ego?
My ex disappeared for 3 months, came back in June, and now acts like she wants to reconnect. I honestly don't know what to think.
I need to vent because this whole situation has been messing with my head, and I want some honest outside opinions. I'll call my ex Lucy and her friend Jane to keep everything anonymous.
Lucy was my first girlfriend, so the relationship meant a lot to me. When we were together, I cared about her a lot and genuinely tried to make things work. The problem is that I often felt like I was the one doing the chasing. She would rarely reach out first. Most conversations started because I texted her, checked in on her, or tried to keep things going. I kept telling myself maybe that's just how she was, but over time it started to make me feel unwanted and like the effort wasn't being matched.
Eventually we broke up. She said it was because of exams and needing to focus on school. I respected that and didn't argue with her. After the breakup, I asked if she wanted to stay friends because I didn't want things to end badly. Instead of giving me a clear answer, she basically disappeared. She ghosted me for three months. No proper conversation, no explanation, nothing. That hurt more than I expected because it felt like someone who had been such a big part of my life could suddenly act like I wasn't there.
During that time, I started using TikTok more and ended up talking to Jane on the very first day. We became friendly and talked on and off. Jane has been genuinely nice to me for about two months now. There was never anything romantic going on, but she treated me kindly and actually seemed interested in having conversations, which was a big contrast to how abandoned I felt after being ghosted.
Then out of nowhere, around June, Lucy came back into my life. She started talking to me again after those three months of silence. Since then, we've been messaging pretty regularly. We send each other memes, joke around, have random conversations, and honestly it feels like she's trying to rebuild the connection we used to have. She reaches out, continues conversations, and the vibe is completely different from the way things were near the end of our relationship.
That's what's confusing me.
When we were actually dating, I constantly felt like I was chasing her. I was usually the one reaching out first. I worried about replying too quickly, double texting, and whether I was putting in way more effort than she was. Now that we're broken up, she suddenly seems much more engaged and willing to talk. It's almost like I'm getting more attention from her as an ex than I did as her boyfriend.
Part of me thinks she's trying to reconnect because she misses me or regrets how things ended. The fact that we talk so much now, send memes all the time, and have been consistently talking since June makes it feel like she's making an effort. She didn't have to come back after ghosting me for three months, but she did.
But here's the thing: I don't even know if I want her back anymore. Being ghosted for that long changed the way I see the relationship. I remember how exhausting it felt to always be the one chasing, always being the one to start conversations, and always wondering whether she cared as much as I did. Now that she's putting in more effort, I'm not sure if the feelings I had before are still there. I care about her as a person, but I don't know if I could go back to a relationship that made me feel that way.
So I'm stuck in this weird position where my ex seems to be trying to reconnect, her friend Jane has also been consistently nice to me, and I can't tell whether Lucy wants another chance or whether she's simply trying to be friends after disappearing for months. And even if she did want another chance, I honestly dont think i'd say yes.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did your ex come back and suddenly start putting in effort after the relationship ended? And if someone ghosts you for three months and then returns acting friendly and engaged, would you see that as a sign of regret, friendship, loneliness, or something else entirely?
I think what I'm struggling with most is this: why does it feel like she's trying harder to keep me in her life now than she did when we were actually together?
Please let me know your thoughts and what you think i should do, as im feeling a mix of emotions.
I (33m) took my ex back (32f) after 3 years no contact.
6 years ago my ex left me suddenly after asking me to move my life to the other side of the world, I did not want to move but she was pushy and asked me to marry her, something I’d always wanted but I guess it was just honey to get me to move.
After we got to Iceland, I immediately noticed something was odd, her parents were cold to me (they lived in Iceland and her mother was offering her a job hence the move) and they did not want to allow me to do anything to set down roots, getting a personal security number, phone number even just buying a desk for myself I was either gaslit that it wasn’t possible or they made it as difficult for me as possible.
After a few months my wife’s whole attitude changed, she was cold, pushed me away and when she fell pregnant things really spiralled. She immediately ended everything with me and had the foetus aborted. I guess it was her wake up call.
I never got a conversation, I just woke up and her dad was standing over my bed with another man I’d never met and he said “your wife doesn’t love you anymore, you have to get out”. I was given an hour to pack, some of my things were stolen because he wouldn’t let me take them and I was homeless that day.
After some months of us talking, meeting in secret and her blaming almost all of this on her parents manipulating her, I found out she had a crush on a guy from her work. So I went no contact.
My life improved, I stayed in Iceland but I made many many friends, I worked interesting jobs and while it was hard I felt at peace. My love for her never left, but my heart grew larger and I could have chosen to move on.
3 years later she calls me, new number I guess crying about how the man she chose over me was abusing her, cheating on her. She said she had crashed her car into a pole drunk she was so distraught. I started crying and she started questioning why tf I wasn’t laughing in her face. I told her why tf would I laugh in her face, I left for her happiness and I want her to be happy not hurt.
After that day we decided to be friends, and she started slowely trying to leave the abusive relationship she found herself in. That took another 2 and a half years. I supported her unconditionally, I tried to understand and even survived an experience where her crazy boyfriend jumped into my car and tried to stab me to death. I managed to grab the knife and his wrist. At first I was proud I defended myself. Then the police told me he would only go to prison for 1 year because he didn’t actually manage to stab me. I felt robbed of justice and filled with trauma. 8 months later I still get anxious getting into or out of my car and I lock it the moment I get in.
Now the back story is filled in I can tell you what happened.
In January she showed up at my apartment, she begged for me to give her another chance, she left him immediately and bombed me with promises I’d of paid anything to hear years ago. She promised never again to take me for granted, that she appreciated how calm I always was and the sacrifices I’d made to be the only one she could talk to about what she went through. She swore up and down that she would be happy with me even if I did not want to be romantic with her. For some stupid stupid reason my heart gave in.
I tried to set boundaries at first, that we would each do individual counselling as well as couples, that we would heal and work on ourselves safely without seeing other people for 12 months before we decided on any romance inside the relationship. 12 months felt necessary believe me we were messed up after that guy. He did things I don’t mention here because I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to talk about it.
3 months in she started getting secretive with her phone, honestly I thought it was her ex. Then I saw the notification, someone named tomasz was love bombing her. I asked her about it and she made it out like he’s just a co-worker and he can get inappropriate sometimes but if you have deducted anything about me you already know I was stupid enough to believe it.
“Just tell him you’re seeing someone, and he will likely back off” was my response. And she did. His response was “oh I’ve only been happy since I met you I’m going to quit my job and move to Poland then, this is too much this is very horrible of you”.
Idk why but she basically ret-conned it, she told him we weren’t serious and that I was just really nice to her.
Shortly after she was at a staff party and I went to pick her up, I was early but intended to go see some nearby friends before heading over to her and as I drive past I see them holding hands sitting on a park bench while she’s in his arms…
I approach them and she acts like she doesn’t know me. I explained to him hey, that’s my wife (we did get remarried in February her idea) and he immediately says “no she isn’t, leave us alone, she’s single” and so I explained to this total stranger like, we are married, we are together and this is cheating. He didn’t give af. He just questioned me, how I knew where she was, accused me of stalking her. I had to show this stranger text messages between me and my wife with her asking me to pick her up at a certain time and he just scoffed at me.
That night sucked, she eventually came home but on the condition I’d leave our apartment (which she took back the second we got home).
The next day I woke up to apologies and promises.
“I don’t know why I did it”
“I won’t speak to him again”
“I want to fix this”
She didn’t. She would send him a message ending things, show me then go into work and email him claiming I forced her to do it…
He ofc grabbed onto that and started trying to paint me as abusive to her other co-workers and really tried to convince her I’m abusing her. It worked and didn’t work, she says she knows I’m not abusive but I can see that this dude is empowering her to be very cruel.
She destroyed my visa, sabotaged it 4 days before I could apply for my next year because we were switching to a marriage visa. She could have waited a few weeks and I wouldn’t have had to lose my friends, my cat and my home.
She said she wanted to visit her parents, and she ended up at his apartment. She expects me to sign everything, divorce, my car to her, she even wants to take my beautiful kitten. I can’t afford to bring him with me to Australia but I’m not letting that guy be his new dad.
Everything she does that’s not cruel to me now comes with a condition and if she just suspects that I won’t comply she uses this other guy to hurt me. And he thinks he’s the hero rescuing her.
Her parents are happy we are splitting again.
I feel entirely broken. Now I am pushing forward with the huge mission of moving back to Australia as soon as I possibly can to get away from this person. She has abused me so much I’ve not been able to put it here or you would be able to publish it as a novel.
I feel extremely trapped, not just because I don’t want her near me but because if I try to get space for myself she will spend it in his bed. I want so badly to be left alone but also equally badly for her not to be with him. He talks like a manipulative poet and I can’t imagine he would even treat her well.
I know this post is scattered, I’m in so much pain and my friends don’t answer me. They all told me not to speak to her when she reached out. I wanted so badly to prove to everyone she changed but everyone was right and I was wrong.
I could have moved on years ago.
I was doing so well without her.
I shouldn’t have tried to help her, I should have left her to go to her own people.
Breaking No contact has robbed me of years of my life I could have spent happy.
It’s never worth it. I don’t even understand how I could put my trust in another human ever again in this way.
I'm curious what other people think.
My ex and I have been broken up for a little over a year, and I hadn't heard from him at all until today. Out of the blue, he texted asking if he could call me.
I haven't responded yet. Part of me was happy to hear from him, but another part feels like it's been too long.
Would you ever consider getting back with an ex after a year of no contact?
Hello, my girlfriend left me after a 3-year relationship. After a long discussion, we decided to take a month to reflect.
She told me she needs to not be in a relationship anymore, that she needs to think and be sure about her feelings, and that she felt too attached to me. Some of my behaviors didn’t suit her. She needed me to make changes in my life and the way I act, which I wasn’t doing, and after a month of traveling she broke up with me when she returned, explaining her reasons.
What she didn’t know—and what I told her when she came back—is that I had already started working on myself to make those changes without her knowing, and I wanted to show her the best version of myself when she returned, but it was too late.
She also had issues with sexual desire, and among her reasons she told me she wanted to know whether it was only her or also me. I wanted us, during that month of reflection, not to see other people, but she didn’t want that. She told me she didn’t necessarily want to see other people, but she didn’t want to close that door either. She wanted to be completely single in every sense so she could fully detach and reflect on us, and enjoy a life without being in a relationship because she is afraid she might regret not having tried it.
She told me she was almost convinced she was making the biggest mistake of her life, but that she would live with that thought forever if she didn’t make this decision, and that she hoped that if we are truly meant for each other, our paths will cross again one day.
Today I am trying to detach and I am in no contact to give her space and also for myself. It is very, very hard for me right now, and this no-contact situation both helps me and hurts me terribly.
Details: she has always been very shy, and has always tended to be dependent on me, which is also why she wanted to take time for herself.
In your opinion, is she really reflecting on us? Was it simply an excuse? Will she see other people before we might get back together? Do you think we have a chance of getting back together in a month?
Hi everyone,
I had a situationship basically, and I have found it really hard to make peace with things. I find that I actually miss him and not the idea of him.
We ended things because he needed to pull back as he wasn’t ready to commit as things had gotten a lot in his life, and has been stressful (we’d been dating for 7 months). Looking back, he never was going to choose me. I know this. I found out he’s back on the dating apps.
All I want to know, is why he did that. I can’t seem to get over the hump of missing him. It’s like we ended for the wrong reasons (it sounds stupid I know). It’s like we were supposed to keep working through things.
How bad is it if I reached out purely to ask what I want to ask and get that closure, so I can have peace. The last couple of days I’ve had the niggle to text him. I’ve even dreamt about it. It’s really playing on me and eating me up.
Any help/advice is welcome. Just a girl trying to navigate herself in the best way
Hello people,
This sub was the most important thing for me to let go the pain I went through when I was grieving. The people here have been amazing, I got so much support but I was getting more and more obsessive about this while I was being active here, realized refreshing this subreddit was all I was doing and one day I realized I had to sign off completely.
After 4 years I came back to tell you that everything will be fine.
I learned to LOVE myself and everything came after that. I got a very well paid job, I got an apartment, I travel a lot to Europe, meet new people with different backgrounds and I'm so so much happier now. I work out a lot and I do what I love in life. I did not know myself when I was with him and after how he left me.
When everyone said time will heal everything, it didn't help me at that time. But believe me, it really does heal everything.
Keep your head up king/queen. You will be just fine.
Knew him for 6 years. He was my closest friend, and on and off situationship. He broke my trust and I was experiencing cognitive dissonance. Always breaking my NC just to be hurt over and over again. I just wanted my friend back…the sweet guy I once thought he was. But I was sacrificing my morals for a dopamine rush.
I’ve decided that this would be the final and indefinite NC after discovering that he was still lying to me. It hasn’t been easy but it’s nearing a month soon and I’m proud.
A few hours ago he texted me “hi”.
If you ever get a text like this, just know that the other person is baiting you. It’s a low-effort attempt to see if they still have access to you. Maybe it’s a bit validating, but in the end, it means nothing.
I’m deciding to choose myself. Yeah, I might cry at some point tomorrow, but at least I didn’t break my NC.
It was surreal she called me saying how her car was overheating and she tried calling everyone to help but since it was late night no one was picking up. We broke up around a year and 4 months ago but had gone no contact since February 2026 especially after she got a new boyfriend. I went and helped her out I’ll skip the car issues but as I was doing my thing we talked for a little about how we’ve been doing our accomplishments and places we’ve traveled. I didn’t have a specific tool so we went to her house where her dad opened the garage and gave it to me, I said I’d bring it right back. Eventually the car was fine and told me she’d be fine and thank you so much for the help. As I was leaving she texted me if I wanted to get McDonalds I said yes and we ate and talked and laughed she even paid for my food. She was on her phone though the whole time probably texting her BF? Idk and on phone calls standing away from me as I was helping her on her car. I admit part of me was happy I got to see her but sad as I never really wanted to breakup after 2 years of dating. The reality is that she has a bf and I just have to further accept that. I just wonder if maybe she prefers life this way without me in the picture. After all I came here to help right? Not to talk or anything.
Edit : I’m M(20) shes F(20)
For those who were never contacted by an ex again, why do you think that was?
I always hear people say, "Exes always come back," and in my own experience, many eventually do—even if it's just a random check-in or to end things on more cordial terms. Sometimes people even become friends.
So I'm curious: if your ex never reached out again and essentially became a complete stranger, what do you think the reason was? Do you think they truly moved on, felt too guilty or embarrassed, didn't care anymore, or was it something else?
My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) were together for almost four years (LDR), and I think we broke up... but honestly, even that feels confusing.
There wasn't a proper breakup. We argued, then one day we just stopped talking. Usually after every fight I was the one begging him to talk and fix things because I couldn't bear losing him. He's extremely avoidant and has ghosted before, then come back acting like nothing happened.
This time I didn't call. I didn't beg. Partly because I was exhausted, but also because I didn't want to boost his ego by always being the one who came back to fix everything. I knew if I reached out, I'd probably end up apologizing, getting hurt again, and losing more self-respect.
It's been a week.
Two days after we stopped talking, I found out he followed several girls on Instagram. We don't even follow each other anymore because his account is private, but I actually asked my cousin to screen share his profile so I could see who he followed. I know how unhealthy that sounds, and I hate that I've become this person.
Now I'm constantly checking whether he's online on WhatsApp, checking if his location updates on Find My.I keep imagining he's talking to another girl. I know none of this is helping me, but I can't seem to stop.
Meanwhile, he seems completely fine. My brain keeps telling me he's already moving on and that our four-year relationship meant nothing to him. I know I can't actually know that's true, but it feels impossible to stop thinking that way.
I'm barely eating, barely sleeping, and I can't focus on my studies. Nothing distracts me anymore. Movies, going out, talking to friends... everything eventually leads back to thinking about him.
I don't even think I'm asking how to get him back anymore. I think I'm asking how to get myself back.
If you've gone through something similar, how did you stop obsessing over what your ex was doing? How did you stop checking their social media, location, or online status? How did you stop feeling responsible for fixing everything? Most importantly, how did you survive those first few weeks when it felt like your whole body was addicted to them?
Therapy isn't really an option for me because I'm a student and can't afford it where I live.
I'm genuinely willing to try anything because I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want revenge, and I don't want him back just because he's lonely. I just want to stop feeling like I'm losing my mind and finally move on.
The texts. The checking. The waiting. Reading old messages like maybe there was some hidden answer in them
I know I was hurt, but god, it’s embarrassing to remember how much power I gave them. Like I wasn’t even trying to get them back sometimes. I was just trying to make the pain stop for five minutes
That’s the part I don’t see people talk about enough