r/ExNoContact

Is it over?

I just had a quick questions for avoidants lol
So after being discarded I’d say now I’m very close to being fully healed and feel very free , as soon as it happened I took it upon myself to remove them from all my socials.
My question is how does the avoidant respond to that , does it hurt him or does he not care
This is just out of curiosity and maybe because I can’t understand that someone just suddenly switches from lovey dovey to being cold ( what a scary characteristic tbh)

My ex has comeback after 2 years, while still in a relationship with the dude she cheated with.

After all these years I thought she changed and was better, nope still the same… texting other dudes being covert af. Thinking she can just get what she wants from me two years later and that saying sorry multiple times would make me forget. She’s saying I was the best now after smearing my name for so long when I was with her to her friends and the dude. Anyways, the dude will learn to stop messing with other people’s gf’s like he did, he didn’t win the lottery like he thought he did.

Even if they blocked you did this or that, they mostly come back even if it takes years.

I hope everyone that was good on this sub heals and learns from this type of stuff and knows that one day they might come back and you won’t want to listen to them, the spots don’t change even if you thought so.

It was black for a month after break up
Deep down I don’t want him to move on

TL;DR My avoidant ex blocked me after weeks of radio silence and I feel relieved and realized that everyone around me was right about him being someone who can’t hold himself accountable for the hurt he causes.

We used to have a great relationship, I will say. we valued each other’s time and did our best to consistently see each other and our other partners with our schedules (me having university classes and him having work). I felt that despite our hiccups with our mental health issues, things were okay, and we had just gotten out of a rough winter that affected our mental health, I felt that things were looking up and we’d have a great summer ahead of us.

Until he dumped me last month before finals started for me. The whole “it’s not you it’s all me“ spiel, and finding out that he had lied about his emotions for four months before he dumped me did a huge number on my emotional well-being, and I wasn’t able to fully process it because I had to lock in and do well on final projects and exams; I’ve talked to those around me and they’ve agreed that how he handled it was a really shitty way of doing it.

I had temporarily blocked him on social media because seeing his profile made me miserable and triggered depressive spirals, and unblocked him a day or two afterward. Just yesterday, I found out he blocked me back and honestly? I feel relieved. I thought I’d be devastated that he doesn’t want to mend things but in reality I feel almost happy, I don’t feel the emotional burden of trying to mend our relationship, and I feel like I’ve dodged a massive red flag with trying to mend things.

Of course, things will be awkward since we share a polycule, but I don’t feel like I have to suffocate myself and make myself small and invisible around him anymore, and him blocking me has made me realize that I should’ve broke up with him AGES ago when he told me “you can’t love a wall”; I was too blinded by love to see that was a warning that he’d just discard me the moment reality got too real for him.

I’m just glad he’s out of my life, I feel so much better not having the anxiety of if he’ll respond on my back, and I’m incredibly thankful for my current partner who’s been supportive of me through this breakup ❤️

I’m dealing with some serious emotional whiplash and could really use a reality check.
A little while ago, I was talking to a guy who seemed incredibly consistent and mature. He used to check in daily, apologize if communication stalled, and eagerly share details about his life. It felt like a genuinely deep connection.
Then, almost overnight, the energy completely died.
I got caught in an exhausting loop of checking his profile daily to see who he added or whose photos he liked, trying to decode the sudden shift. To protect my peace, I finally drew a boundary and removed him from my Instagram.
While I know it was the right call, he hasn't bothered to text me on WhatsApp to ask what happened. The silence hurts, and I'm stuck fighting waves of regret.
How does someone go from caring so much to acting like you don't exist? Was the initial effort just for validation, or do people really flip a switch this fast? How do I stop missing the "past" version of him and accept the silent reality?

Its been well over a year since my ex broke up with me and ive been doing fine. Its just that sometimes i’d see a girl in public and my first thought is if thats her and i’d feel really scared for a few seconds until i take a better look. Why does this happen :( i have been doing fine and happy otherwise its been a year and it still happens occasionally. How can i stop this from happening so often :(

My ex gf and I were in deeply love, I just shifted my career to new field so not earn as well to get married, I need 2 more years to settle down completely. She got an arranged marriage proposal from her family and the guy is in army and her family convieced her then she blocked me from everywhere. But, I miss her alot. We made so many promises together. I don't know how she forgot 3.5 years of relationship so easily. I just want to call her and say that I am missing you alot. I can't help me out.

Ok, so this is going to be a long post, and I apologize in advance. But TLDR is basically my ex girlfriend called me to ask for relationship advice and I told her that I didn’t want to have a conversation with her and she called me insane for that.

So my ex girlfriend and I broke up pretty amicably initially about 3 and a half years ago. We were technically engaged, but it was essentially in name only, I was 23 at the time and fresh out of the army, this will become important later. I was ok with the idea of just being friends for a while and I was under the impression that we would get back together because of what she said in the break up text, but I found out through Instagram that she had a new boyfriend and didn’t tell me and it really messed with my head for about a month or so. But since then, I’ve gotten a car, I’ve gotten a job that I love, and my girlfriend of almost 2 years and I are planning on moving in together in a few months. I’m living a very different life now compared to back then

This Sunday was the day after my girlfriend graduated with her master’s, and her family and I had a fantastic day together previously and I was going to spend some time with her in the morning and afternoon watching Death Note before I had to go to work. I was awake at around 9:30 and my girlfriend was asleep in bed when I get a call out of nowhere from my ex. I verbally said “What the fuck?” and then just let it ring to voicemail. Then immediately after that, I get another call from her, and this time for whatever reason, I think it’s serious and I decide to answer. I wake up my girlfriend briefly and say “Hey, I need to take this phone call, I don’t think it will be a pleasant call.” and then head into the restroom and answer her call.

When I pick up, I immediately say “What’s up?” in a kind of tone as in I’m expecting something serious. She just says “I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you up.” Long story short, she starts making small talk with me, and I have ask her a few times why she called me twice before she starts to give an answer. She prefaces by saying stuff like “you know I love you right?” and “you were the best partner that I’ve ever had” and now I’m starting to get kind of uncomfortable, and eventually she says something like “I’m starting to fall in love with my boyfriend the way that I loved you.” to which I reply “That’s great.” Then, and I’m pretty sure this is the reason she called me, she asked me “My bulimia is now 8 days in remission, and some of the time I spent with you was the worst time of my life and when I struggled the hardest with my eating disorder. Do you think that I was being unfair to you or expecting too much out of you during that time?”

I was just kind of bewildered that she asked me that for a moment, because I assumed that calling twice in quick succession means something like “My car is on fire and I’ve tried calling 5 different people and nobody is answering me so now I’m calling you.” And to be honest, I can’t remember that time in my life that well, but I think the fact I can’t really remember means that it must not have been that bad in my own personal experience. So I just replied with something like “No, I mean I don’t think so. I can’t really recall that part of our relationship that well. I can’t really remember much of it now anyways.” To which I followed up with “Anything else?” and she continued to make small talk with me talking about how she met her current boyfriend on Bumble and stuff like that and asking about my cat.

I don’t know if it’s because the bathroom I was in was cold, or because of the phone call, but I could start to feel my elbow shake and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. So eventually I just had to tell her that I’m not really comfortable talking to her and I want to go back to bed with my girlfriend, and I told her that unless there is an actual emergency I don’t really want to have any kind of casual conversation with her. She seemed very surprised by that response, but in between the time we broke up and now she had only contacted me once like a year and a half ago to ask about my cat.

Anyways, I hang up the phone, go back to the bedroom, my girlfriend is already awake and kind of aware of what just happened, so I told her about it. I think I had maybe brought up my exes like no more than 5 or 6 times the whole time so far, and I’m only in regular communication with one but 1) it’s pretty obvious we’re much better at being friends and 2) she ended up being lesbian. So it wasn’t just me who was being kind of weirded out by the situation. After I tell my girlfriend, I decided that at least I should text her that I don’t think she was being to harsh on me or anything because I was worried about coming off as being rude. She responded back that she agreed, and sent a few more messages which prompted my girlfriend to say that she is probably high or something.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to post screenshots to this sub, but this text in particular that she sent me seemed very unusual and began to really concern me. I’m just gonna copy and paste it.

(My name), I love you. I'm sorry to say that I don't love you in the way that you and I initially intended. But I do love you. And if you ever needed anybody to be there for you for any reason, I will be there for you. Our love is past the definition of romance, it is past the definition of familial, past the definition of platonic love.

I’m sure it’s obvious, but I don’t feel the same way about her. I don’t have any kind of love for her, but I have care as I would for any other human being, I don’t want her to be in a bad spot and I don’t have any resentment for her. So at the advice of my girlfriend, I send her a long, but diplomatic reply to that message where I basically just say that I don’t feel the same way about her, but I understand where she is coming from by saying that, and I don’t want to be in regular conversation with her. And at the end of the message I said something like right now I would much rather be spending time with my girlfriend than talking to my ex girlfriend.

To which she replied that what I said was an insane thing to say and it’s precisely why she broke up with me, and that she just wanted to say that she loves me and that she has to remind her grandparents in English and Spanish that we’re not going to get married every time she sees them. In particular, she took issue with the fact that I referred to her as my ex girlfriend, and she says that it speaks a lot to my character that I am afraid to refer to her as my ex fiancé and how low I speak of her to other women or my friends. And then she sent like 10 more messages just saying random shit like “I can’t believe how little I mean to you” and “You need some serious help.”

Well, I thought about what she said, and I didn’t really believe what I said was THAT insane, but maybe it is. After all, I can’t read into her mind and I don’t know what it’s like to hear that from her perspective. So I concede a little bit (although in retrospect I shouldn’t have done this) and I say that maybe it’s a little crazy, and that maybe in like 2 or 3 days we can have a better conversation about things, if she thinks it’ll help with her current relationship. And again, I really didn’t mean it this time, but I ended the message by saying my girlfriend and I are going to spend some time together, and I don’t want to talk to my ex right now. Leaving out the ex fiancé part, but I didn’t mean to do that.

That just made her upset, and she called me again and sent me like 10 messages of stuff like “Do you still have the engagement ring you bought for me?” and “I still have our playlist on Spotify you know, because our relationship was special to me.” all while emphasizing that she loves me but not romantically and not platonically but she just has more love for me than anyone else. By this point I’m pretty clearly uncomfortable, so I just blocked her, and I haven’t heard from her since. Although she has tried calling my friends to get through to me and has passed on a message with an apology for contacting me.

My girlfriend and my friends all kind of agree that I handled the situation well, and I think the best thing I probably could’ve or rather should’ve done differently was to just not answer the phone call at all. Obviously I’m not glad that I did, but I’m at least glad that I didn’t answer and it turned out she had a bad car accident and wasn’t able to reach anyone else or something like that. At least when I knew her, she wasn’t the type of person that wouldn’t contact an ex with no contact unless it was a big deal. But I keep trying to understand her perspective and motivation and I realized that I didn’t really make it explicit to her that I desired no contact. I don’t have the conversation anymore, but I’m pretty sure my final message to her after finding out she had moved on from me was just something like “I want you to be happy and I’m sorry that I was kind of an emotional mess for a few days (I absolutely was after finding out she had a new boyfriend), but I want you to know that you deserve to be happy and you’re a good person.” I never said anything harsh or negative about her and I never said implicit or not that I didn’t want to contact her. So maybe from her perspective, I really was being irrational and overreacting to a simple question.

But man, I really wish I didn’t answer that phone call. It was really stupid of me to do that, and I felt so uncomfortable once I realized that it wasn’t an emergency. I just don’t understand that if she just wanted to know my perspective on whether or not I thought she was being unfair to me, why didn’t she just send me a text or something? Why not leave a voicemail saying “hey I wanted to ask you a question, it’s kind of strange but it’s been on my mind?” She has a degree in psychology, which is something that I have very little understanding of, but why not just use your notes or something like that?

And then, why am I trying to understand why she thinks my response is insane? I know that it doesn’t matter and it’s none of my business what goes on in her mind, but really? It would’ve been insane if I said something like “I fucking hate your guts and hope you die” or “The Oklahoma City Thunder is my favorite team of all time” but I don’t think anything that I said is insane. I don’t know why I give her degree in psychology so much weight into that comment, because my girlfriend is the smartest person I know and she just got her master’s and she thought I was being much more diplomatic than she would’ve been. That comment probably shouldn’t matter at the end of the day, but man I hate how much it bothers me that she said that, although she was obviously very bothered towards me before I blocked her. Maybe I got under her skin a lot more than I had thought, but I swear I wasn’t. I feel like I’m just driving myself crazy because I’m trying to figure out what was so insane that I did and I just can’t, and nobody who I’ve talked to about this thinks I’m being crazy either. I hate how it’s even keeping me awake long enough to type and post this. I’m sure in a week I’ll stop stressing about it, but man I’m wearing myself out.

Anyways, even if nobody reads this entire thing, I’m just kind of glad that it’s out of my head and I can come back later and try to pick apart my own brain. I’m sure I come off as a little obsessive about this whole interaction, and I probably am. But it has been on my mind for the past few days and I just can’t shake it off. If anybody else HAS read this entire thing, you have my sincere gratitude for taking the time to read my thoughts. I know it’s a lot to digest, but if you want to leave a comment that’s equally as long or longer responding I promise you I will read it. Just maybe drink some water or have a snack first

After almost 2 years and new people i’ve met. He stays on my mind 24/7. I would do anything to know if they still think of me; if they didn’t I could finally move the fuck on.

im so confused, after our last fight, we ended up blocking each other, its been 400 days and hes unblocked me just like that and viewed all my stories on my other account where i didnt have him blocked
mind you we dated for three years, he cheated on me thats why we broke up
he still hasn’t reached out but he’s watching every post…
i dont wanna get back with him obviously but part of me wants to understand why he unblocked me suddenly

Hook, line, and ghosted by a "prospective husband." I was trying to heal after losing the LOML when this guy entered my life for marriage purposes. He talked a big game, used me physically and emotionally, and we literally just spent a night talking until 5:00 AM. Then, he retreats back to his city and goes cold. I blocked him to save my sanity, and his total silence proves I meant nothing to him. It’s a different kind of cruel to fake a future with someone just to use them and discard them.

If you’re reading this it’s your sign that sometimes when people leave you and seem like they don’t care about you … they probably don’t. Move on. Try atleast. I never thought I’d go a day without thinking of my ex and the pain finally “healed.”

I broke no contact a few times and he always replied. Meant nothing. When I finally went completely silent I truly never heard from him again.

Even bread crumbs aren’t enough to feed you for the rest of your life… move on my loves, don’t reach out it will only hurt you. If they wanted to they would. I was holding onto nothings and looking back now I realize that.

I may miss him for the rest of my life but I wish I prioritized my healing over wondering if no contact would help or hurt only to eventually break yet still end up without him.

You deserve someone who loves you how you give love. Your ex isn’t worth it if they don’t I can promise you that. Stay strong.

I seriously tell you that if you do YOU WILL REGRET IT. Do anything you can but DON'T REACH OUT TO THEM. Honest to god, on everything I love you WILL NOT feel better, whatever they'll say WON'T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER, ONLY WORSE.

Just assume the worst. Assume that every awful thing that you imagined is true. Every last bit of hope you still have WILL DESTROY YOU.

DESTROY ALL THE HOPE OF MAKING THINGS UP WITH THEM BEFORE IT DESTROYS YOU.

It’s only been a week, i feel like im going crazy. I want to messsge him so bad, i feel like i have to it i will explode. we ended things so sweetly, i know he loves me, and i love him more than anything in the world but he’s not in the right headspace right now and i think he needs to be alone. I just want him to know that i miss him and ill wait till we are good people for each other. i just want to talk again

Hi, this is my first post. We broke up with my ex a week ago, and the first day he tried to apologize and fix it, but after that, he did a 180, started following new people and completely ghosted me, except for occasional mocking messages. I also tried to fix things but he seemed decided that he didn’t want to get back together, in fact he blocked me everywhere. I started using our iMessage chat as vent and he suddenly replied before never replying again. it’s only been two days of complete no contact but I’m going crazy. it seems so easy for him, he even said a day after the breakup that I’d given him motivation to go to the gym to look hot for his next girl :/ what are you guys opinions,,, I hate that I’m still hoping he comes back :(

I’m fine for one day and the next day i feel so painful. I’m so alone here, and I put myself in this position. I miss him. How can anyone get past this thought?

At a point in the relationship I told her I would give her tickets to an event that she could use the money she got for stuff she needed. We are broken up, she feels like it’s unfair that I told her to do this and she didn’t get her tickets for these events she could’ve bought herself.

Do I give her the tickets?

My ex dumped me in January and found a new boyfriend right after a breakup. 4 months later, she texted me first and she told me she has moved to my city because she has a job here. Thought she broke up with her new boyfriend. But I found out she still with him. She even asked me to hang out. I decided to tell it to her new bf. Now I feel really bad inside. All these months after our breakup, I have been really depressed and suicidal because I loved her so much and I still do even after everything she has done. I tried to heal myself by focusing on myself but it did not work. Her breaking the no contact did more damage to my soul. It reopened the wound that I tried to heal. Do not know what to do. I am so depressed right now it is eating my soul. I told her bf about her writing me today. I thought I would feel better that I am doing the right thing but it got worse. Maybe deep down I wanted them to breakup but they are still together even after this. I know I am a piece of shit for wishing such thing. It just the feeling and my love for her, I want her to be with me but it is impossible. She will never love me like I love her. Wanted to express all these feelings to someone so I wrote this ;(