r/ExNoContact

Lately, I’ve been in a really dark place and I miss her so much. It is absolutely eating me alive from the inside to know that she has become completely detached from me. She has zero feelings left for me now and just treats our 3-year relationship like a closed chapter in her life.

It makes me sick to my stomach to think that she is going to talk to someone else, flirt with them, and smile because of another guy. The thought that she might go on dates and touch someone else the exact same way she used to touch me—without even sparing a single thought about me—is unbearable.

I keep imagining her friends consoling her by saying things like, "It's a good thing you guys broke up, you weren't compatible anyway, he was terrible," and her just laughing along with them.

I am genuinely failing at moving on. I feel completely stuck and it hurts too much. Please, if anyone has been through this, how do I get past it? Can someone please help me?

We've been separated for four months, after 13 years together. Two months ago, we agreed to talk again today. I received this message, and I don't know what to do.

"I'm writing this message because I'm starting to understand better what happened between us, and how my own issues affected our relationship. I think I needed a clearer mind and some distance to get there. I also needed to forgive myself, because I blame myself enormously, and that's going to take time.

I self-sabotaged our relationship right until the end. I made so many mistakes that I've lost count.

You did your best, and I will always regret the pain I caused you. I feel disgusted with myself for it, but I also know that I wasn't capable of doing better at the time. I did what I could. We both did what we could.

I'm sorry, sad, and ashamed of my behavior. I wish I'd known everything I know now back then, but it never works that way.

I have some belongings to pick up and some things to give back to you. Maybe that could be an opportunity for us to talk a little. Maybe it would do you some good, and maybe it would do me some good too.

In any case, if you're not ready, it can wait.

I will always wish you the best, and I hope you're managing to rebuild your life."

I wouldn't take her back, and we've been no contact pretty much for the entire breakup. But man sometimes i miss her, or at least the good times we had together. And other times like today i think about all the bad stuff and hate her.

I've been wanting to write her a letter or meetup for brunch so we can go from awkward exes who never speak to acquaintances... but i still feel so much emotions about her.

I want to get to a place where i just feel neutral and can healthily move on and date someone new

LADIES / if you blocked a man on IG after a bad interaction/ breakup - would you unblock him so he could see your pic and reminisce/ regret - or let sleeper dogs lie ?

If you had something genuine to say I’d hear you out and try to believe that the version of you I originally met still exists. But after the last 7 months I don’t think I’d even believe you.

My ex got married today. We were together on and off for 7-8 years. It was really toxic for the majority of the relationship - and I definitely think I had a trauma bond to him. What makes matters worse is he married my old best friend. Who ironically always told me I deserved better. I don’t want either of them back in my life, f*ck them. And I think I’ve made my peace with it for the most part. But part of me is still so bothered by them being together. Is it wrong of me to wish them a life of misery?? Like it’s just not fair that sometimes I think I’m still healing from everything he did to me and he just gets to ride off into the sunset and gets his happy ending. You know? Anyway, going to jam to some Taylor Swift and have a glass of wine in the bathtub 🍷

So, I made it to a month this time around. Which is a lot considering the first two attempts before this one, I only made it to one week each attempt.

Hopefully THIS is the No Contact that will be "the one". The one that sets me free forever finally.

And if it isn't, I will keep going until eventually I AM FREE!!!

sorry for this criminally long story but the reason why i‘m posting this is bc i‘d like to know if this is normal. this is my first ever breakup, it honestly emotionally drained me so much which is why i hope someone can look at this from an outside perspective. am i overreacting when i say this is not healthy behavior? i‘d love to hear any thought you have on this, and i can answer any questions you have too.

here is some context: last year (feb-apr), i was in montreal where i met a guy. we met in february and made it official in march, and when i left montreal, he told me he wanted to try long-distance. even though we weren‘t together for a long time at that point, we had a pretty deep, meaningful connection and neither of us expected that. we did long-distance, and in august he broke up with me bc the long-distance was feeling like a job to him, that his work + the relationship is exhausting him and that he can‘t put in the effort i needed from him. he constantly reassured me that it had nothing to do with me, i deserve better and that i will always hold a special place in his heart etc.

after the breakup for the first two weeks, he would text me every day (pretty much exactly how we would when we were together), calling me pet names, telling me he loved me (which confused me but at the time i didn‘t know these weren‘t healthy boundaries). he confided in me that he is talking to new girls on insta, telling me he‘s having a hard time talking to them bc he still thinks about us (like dude no one is forcing you but wtv). he even gave me their insta bc he wanted to be honest with me (again, no boundaries here but this was my first breakup so i didn‘t know any better). after around two weeks of this, he sends me this long-ass goodbye paragraph where he says he has been going on a few dates with this new girl and that it is time for him to move on from me („it‘s time for me to flip the page on this one“). again, he says i mean a lot to him and he will never forget what we had blah blah. this broke my heart at the time because i felt like i was being replaced/discarded for a “better“ girl, and that he would rather put in effort for a different girl than for me. i removed him on all my social media and removed him from our shared notes and shared playlists as a way to gain back control over the situation and bc i felt like it was the right thing to do.

this is the important part: pretty much since we broke up, he has been dating the same girl. they apparently made it official in december after dating since september. since our breakup, he has periodically (every few weeks to few months) reached out to me for different reasons. most of the time, he would ask how i‘m doing, or ask about how things were going in my life (like if i had moved apartments already). on holidays like christmas he would text me and also thanked me for the good times we had. i always gave him minimal answers and never initiated new questions. any type of contact we had through texting was initiated by him which naively kept me hopeful for a long time.

also, he would make public (?!) spotify playlists that were clearly directed towards me. the titles either had names we called each other, phrases we used when we were together, or were related to meaningful memories we shared. keep in mind they are public for everyone (including his new girl) to see. (it‘s one thing to privately make playlists about your ex to process it but to make them public while your gf is clueless to what they mean?? i think that‘s disrespectful to her). over time he would either change the title of the playlist to a different reference to me or add songs that we used to listen to together. i never reacted to this externally and just pretended i never saw it. it has been over six months since the breakup (three months since he made it official with his new girl) and he still has public playlists about me. one detail: i had a playlist with a subtitle that said „fleeing my country as soon as exams are over“ meaning i was going to montreal during my break. shortly after, he made the title of one of his playlists about me to „show a sign when u flee“. he also recently asked if i was going to be in montreal soon to which i answered yes (nothing else was said). also, he has recently viewed some of my insta stories (even though i removed him) and every time he did, would block me after (bc of guilt? to stop the urge? to hide it from his gf?). i know these are just small things but i‘m trying to point to the bigger picture: he is being emotionally dishonest. am i overreacting for thinking this is unfair for his new girlfriend?

at this point this is what i think: he is trying balance his conflicting needs (= staying emotionally attached to us while enjoying something new) which is emotionally immature to do. it makes it harder for me to move on bc it feels like he is still emotionally invested in us. and it is not fair for the new girl since he publicly is showing lingering feelings towards me.

I know it’s a cowardly act but I can’t get over it. He started making digs at things he knew I was the most insecure about and then contacted my sister on FB to make sure I was ok but blocked me. We only dated for a few weeks but it feels hard to move past.

i haven't reached out to my ex for a while now, but there are still days when i struggle with it. i know i need to keep moving on, but certain memories still come back randomly and mess with my head.

how long did it take before no contact started feeling easier for you?

Me and my ex broke up, but when I asked him if he still has photos with his ex (the reason of our break up), he said he didn’t have them right now because they hurt him. What does that even mean? So he actually never deleted them?

There is no going back.

Once the respect is gone, the attraction dies the love fades and you just become ordinary. I can never trust you again not because I’m bitter, but because you showed me that your character is fluid based on your convenience I exhausted myself giving you chances. I painted your red flags white just to keep you in the picture. I really try but you didn’t do right by me. You took a person who was all in and you taught her exactly how to be indifferent and honestly, I don’t hate you. Hate takes passion. Hate is an investment and my bank is closed. I don’t want you to be in pain. I actually hope you win. I hope you finally become the person you pretended to be. I just need to do it way over there far away from my peace. You are evicted from my energy. I forgive you truly I am canceling the debt, but forgiveness does not mean reentry it just means I’m done collecting, but I can never look at you the same. The version of you I loved is dead. I am looking at a stranger with a familiar face. There is no bad blood. The bridge is burning. It’s just closed. I simply stopped walking down past that lead to nowhere