u/Court-Best

i hate him so much for everything he has done but somehow i still wish he wants to finally try with me and tell me he loves me.

I find myself unconsciously manifesting for him to comeback, looking for signs that maybe he misses me, and secretly hoping that he will find his way back to me.

Whats worse is I was the dumper, I had enough self respect to walk away from someone who loved me but had one foot out the door, someone who never planned dates, and someone who made me feel so stupid for waiting for a label that never came.

I still find myself asking friends about him, overthinking every reposts, stalking his pages, asking around if he’s dating that new girl. I often daydream that maybe he will fly to my country again and pull up at my door with flowers and apologize.

Im tired of watching every tarot reading on TikTok feeding my delusions. I had enough self respect to leave him and walk away. I just wish I had more self respect to not be so hung up on him and fully walk away cause its so humiliating seeing him so okay when I know I was the one who left and deserved better. I just really want it to be him.

I ended things with a talking stage because 8 months in he is still not interested in a label. I still had hope that he is coming back, but I have suspicions he is already talking to someone new 1 month after ending things which really hurts. How do I stop from stalking them and hoping?

A close guy friend started smth with me 2 weeks after a breakup with his long term first relationship. He didn’t think it was a rebound cause he doesn’t usually do smth like this and our connection felt “natural”. I obviously didn’t believe it cause who tf would but nevertheless i stuck around never thinking it was serious. Surprisingly things started becoming serious (meeting families, visiting eo countries, him saying the L word) so I slowly got attached. But lo and behold things ended 8 months later bcz of distance and him still having issues regarding his ex. And not even 2 months after ending shit he’s already interested in someone new after begging me to stay offering to act like a bf without a label and saying he does actually love me. I honestly feel like i just filled/healed a void and now that he is actually healed he is ready to be in a relationship with someone new. i feel so confused just a month ago he wanted to be friends still, broke no contact to ask how i was. i feel used and stupid cause im usually smarter than this but apart of me is still hoping shit would work out and fall into place when ik it wont, im just having such a hard time processing shit.

Met a guy online, became close friends for a year, then things turned romantic when he approached me when I visited his country. The issue was he had only broken up with his on/off ex of 4 years a few weeks before, but he reassured me I wasn’t a rebound. We spent 8 months acting like a couple, him saying “I love you,” visiting each other, supporting each other, meeting parents/family etc., but he never officially committed because of distance, religion, unresolved feelings from his past relationship, and not feeling ready.

Things got worse after he visited me: I was dealing with missing him, my dog dying, constant uncertainty, and him wanting contact/closure with his ex + ex friend group again. We argued a lot because I felt like I was giving girlfriend effort without actually being his girlfriend, while he felt like I was pressuring him and trying to leave whenever things got hard, which led to a cycle where he would chase after me each time I tried to end things. From his perspective, the constant arguing, breakups, and reconciliations made things feel unstable and overwhelming, which eventually made him further scared and hesitant to commit to a relationship again and repeat the cycle like with his ex.

During my second visit to his country, he suggested we just be friends cause we could not even resolve petty arguments and I agreed at first, but later realized I couldn’t handle it because it felt like things ended before they even started. I kept trying to leave, he kept asking me to stay, and we got stuck in a cycle of no contact, reconnecting, arguments, and me getting attached again.

I eventually blocked him because I didn’t want to stay in a friendship or keep giving him access to me. He found a way to contact me and we called. He begged me to stay and offered a setup where he’d act like a boyfriend without the label or “bad parts,” and said I could talk to other guys as long as I didn’t cut him off. I refused because I felt used and like a rebound.

It turned into a long argument that escalated into shouting. He said things like “I wasn't interested/ready in a relationship anyways, you were the one rushing it,” and “You never reassured me when I suggested just being friends, you agreed too quickly, if you had said we could work through it, I would’ve thought about it.” I broke down and said I was exhausted from acting like a girlfriend and giving my all without ever getting a label. I begged him for a proper goodbye, but he refused, and we kept arguing until it turned into blaming each other. Overwhelmed, I ended the call and blocked him, and he blocked me too. I later emailed him a final goodbye because I felt bad about how it ended.

tldr; Met a guy online, got close for a year, then turned romantic after I visited him, but he had just left a long on/off relationship and never fully committed despite 8 months of acting like a couple. Things became unstable due to distance, his unresolved ex issues, and frequent arguments because of my push-pull tendencies and acting like a girlfriend without a label and he felt pressured. During my second visit he suggested being friends, leading to repeated breakups, no-contact cycles, and reconnections. I eventually blocked him, but he reached out and offered a no-label “boyfriend-like” setup, which I refused. It ended in a heated argument and we blocked each other after.

Advice, honest thoughts, insights, i just need other people's opinions.

Me (F20) and this guy (M22) has been in a talking stage now for about 8 months. A bit of context, we met online through a server and we have been close friends for about a year when I visited his country. And to my surprise he approached me and things happened the 2nd night of my visit which surprised me because it had only been 2-3 weeks since his first on/off girlfriend of 4 years just broke up with him. So naturally I asked him if this is a fling/rebound thing, and he told me that he does not see it as a rebound and genuinely see a connection with me. Naturally I didn't believe him cause he is a guy but I enjoyed it also and didn't expect anything so i just let it flow.

But next thing you know, when i went back to my country we continued talking online and I guess i started to believe that it was getting serious? I never rushed him into a relationship because i know he just broke up and listened to him patiently about his traumas and all from his past relationship and I understood him. I just made sure to ask every once in a while if he does think of us as serious as some sort of self clarity.

He finally visited my country 5-6 months into talking and naturally i was expecting maybe it was time to officially put a label on it. during the first half of his visit he told me he loved me and i jokingly told him isn't it kind of weird to tell me he loves me when he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet, i guess that put him on the spot so he asked and i was ecstatic and agreed. But the next day we had a long talk and turns out he wanted to decide till the end of the trip to decide if wants to put a label on it already, cause he wasn't ready yet for a relationship and there's multiple factors like distance, religion, and him not fully settling down with his emotions/feelings yet for his past relationship, so he took the label back. and by the end of the trip no decision was made.

The following weeks has been hell for me ever since he went home, me missing him since he left the country, the whole label thing, my childhood dog died, and him having all these problems with his ex (him wanting to talk to her again and lying to me about it and their mutual friend group to have clarification why they're suddenly shitting on him and why the ex is suddenly partying and such and being a different person)

During this month we have been arguing so often him just wanting to process his emotions alone and him asking me to just be strong and be patient for him cause he does wanna be in a relationship but he doesn't want to bring his emotional baggage and problems from his past relationship to this one. But because of all the problems that has been stacking i was exploding on him and breaking down often and he told me he cant handle both his and my emotions at the same time and us arguing all the time without being in a relationship is just making him hesitant to be in a relationship with me.

And the following months i have been so emotionally unstable that every argument we had i tried ending it with him multiple times cause i was tired of acting like a girlfriend without a label and he kept on chasing after me so i can change my mind. And that added to more of our problems cause he felt like he was so easy to abandon and i was so easy to leave and he thinks that hes always the making a way to make the both of us work and i have done nothing making it harder for him to want to be in a relationship again. So we both agreed to not jump the bus and make a decision when i visited his country again.

When I visited his country again around month 8 things were good for the first half but the second half we have had a bit of petty arguments that led to serious fights that never got properly solved. So he talked to me and said its maybe best to just be friends and i instantly agreed. Our arrangement was supposed to be to just stay the same but slowly stop intimacy till we lose interest or if one of us finds someone else, i was hesitant at first but i agreed.

But when i went home i guess it kind of hit me that its now officially over without even starting and i regretted my decision on agreeing. I told him that i was sad about it but he adjusted to the whole friend thing fast so i was dumbfounded. We still continued talking normally but i was breaking down every night asking for us to try again but he doesn't want a relationship with me anymore so i asked for limited contact but i kept on running back to him. He got mad that i kept on going back on my word so i initiated no contact for good. He broke no contact around 2 days later and we started talking again

Things were finally okay for some time and i was acting okay on the surface but i found myself getting attached again and crying about it because i never got a label after all the bullshit that happened. I blocked him without saying anything for the final time cause i didn't wanna give him a friendship and access to me after everything and he found a way to contact me and we called. He begged me to stay and even offered to act like a boyfriend without the bad stuff and the label and i can talk to other guys if i want as long as i stay and not cut him off. I told him i cant give him the friendship he wants cause i feel so used as a rebound and i dont wanna give him access to me when he never gave me a label. We had a whole argument that led to screaming and him saying "I didn't want to be in a relationship anyways you were the one rushing into a relationship" & "You never reassured me that day when i said lets just be friends u agreed instantly if u have said we can make the arguing and the distance work i would have thought it through, but u just agreed" and i broke down saying stuff like "Cause i was so tired of acting like a girlfriend giving you basically all of me when you cant even put a label on it" i begged him to just properly say goodbyes but kept on saying no so we argued more and more and ultimately just ended up pointing fingers at each other. Overwhelmed i ended call and blocked him and in exchange he blocked me too. I felt bad for ending call so suddenly so i emailed him writing a final goodbye and i just hate that bullshit ended like that.

Told a mutual friend that we broke up and he asked about it and he basically said "We never broke up we were never in a relationship, it was just a long failed talking stage" and im just upset that our relationship just got reduced to a talking stage. I am still open to being friends with him but not now, not anytime soon but after everything that happened i guess i would understand if he doesn't want contact with me anymore cause ive been blocked and i did say i dont want contact anymore

tldr; I (F20) was in an 8-month long no label relationship with M22 that started from a close online friendship and turned romantic after I visited him.

He had just come out of a long-term relationship, and things were always uncertain. During a visit he told me he loved me and briefly asked me to be his girlfriend, but later took it back because he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship due to distance, emotions, and his ex.

After that, we had months of on/off arguments, confusion, and emotional back-and-forth where I felt like I was giving girlfriend-level effort without a label. He eventually suggested we just be friends.

I agreed at first but later regretted it and got very attached again. We tried no contact, broke it, then reconnected, but it became messy again.

In the end he offered a “friendship” setup, which I couldn’t accept. We had a final argument, both blamed each other, and he said it was just a long talking stage, not a real relationship. We blocked each other after that.