r/Situationships

I've been "stuck" (ie. unable to quit) a situationship of 8 months now. He doesn't want anything serious for now, but we're not exclusive. He still keeps tabs on how I spend my time, who I am meeting, not to an obsessive degree, but still kinda seems to be feeling out whether I'm going on dates. And I did go on dates, but nothing really came off it. It'a embarassing to say but I hoped I could just fall from one developing love into another.

At this current point I'm obsessed with this guy. I don't bring up my problems with our relationships status because I'm that unwilling to give him up. I'm convinced that if I gave an ultimatum, he'd tell me to leave, but I hate the idea.

I'm trying to find the mental space to leave out of self-respect, but honestly fear is a bigger motivator. Fear of him dumping me because he finds someone he actually wants to commit to. That's why I was trying to do that first. Typing this out I'm realizing how toxic this dynamic is for me.

People keep telling me I will be able to find something better. But for now I like almost everything about him, apart from his unwillingness to commit. But I guess that alone should be reason enough. He's 35M.

hey all!

A guy (23M) I (23F) was seeing for about a month cut things off with me yesterday night as there’s been an unexpected tragedy within his family (unexpected serious illness) which had totally taken him and his family by surprise. I’m not going to get into it here but it sounds like an awful situation and I really do hope he and his afflicted family member pulls through.

Obviously he can’t help what has happened and chose to cut things off with me as he doesn’t have the capacity to date and cope with what’s going on / support his family during this time. I think that’s 100% understandable, we weren’t exclusive but i feel we were heading that direction and we both did want a long term relationship.

I really REALLY liked him, and he was a total catch like way out of my league! To me this feels similar to a breakup even though it isn’t, and is quite painful because it’s circumstances rather than a lack of chemistry that pulled us apart. Obviously though this isn’t about my pain, he’s going through so much and I feel so unbelievably awful for him that it’s actually inspired me to volunteer at my local charity which supports those with his family member’s diagnosis as I wanted somewhere to put the empathy I had for his family.

Anyways, when i replied to his message I told him that if things calm down or look more positive in time and he’d like to reconnect that i’d love to do so. I don’t want to hold out hope but i’m fatigued by dating apps so Im also not that interested in finding someone new right now. I actually do think Il struggle to connect with someone the way i did with him. Even though we knew each other a very short while.

I’m wondering if anyone’s ever been in a situation like this where they receive tragic news and pull away from dating, and how I should go about things now? Should I remain hopeful we reconnect or move on and decide it wasn’t meant to be?

I really did want a relationship but I understand and respect his wishes to end things so he can focus on his family. I’m just wondering if when a sense of normalcy returns (diagnosis received last weekend) would it be likely that he may reach out?

Perspectives from both sides (those who’ve been in my position and those in his) are very much appreciated!!

So for context [28m] (fake name) and i have known each other for 2 years off and on for a long time on though when we met he was an active addict doing dumb stuff and was supposed to be for fun nothing serious then I did catch feelings cause he was sweet and exactly what I physically wanted which the physicality of it all is what convinced me I could keep it not serious dumb move on my end 😂. I did not know he was an addict till I had already caught feelings btw. We never really dated just flirted with the idea and kept messing around but both did have feelings for each other eventually I decided I couldn’t handle everything and wanted a real relationship, I did stay single just simply to heal from it before meeting anybody else and dragging that onto someone who didn’t deserve that baggage. Well time goes by and eventually I decide I want him back I never moved on I couldn’t get over him so I said f it let’s try this again. So I go through a whole process of finding his social media message him no response for a week or two turns out he was in a rehab program decided to get clean 🎊 perfect time right??? Well wrong cause then after talking to him for awhile I get scared that I’ll mess up his sobriety so then I pull back and stop talking to him for awhile I come back and he’s too mad understandably and we just start messing around again it turns into us playing a cut off game and me not being able to get him to express emotion so then once again I leave after crying for days on end over how badly he was pushing me away nothing extreme just him basically being insanely distant we both have our reasons for being distant I’ll be honest we both hurt each other in different ways. Fast forward to me actually respecting my decision to leave instead of continuing to have intercourse with someone who may never want me again romantically, it’d been a bit and now honestly I’d moved on this time after weeks of crying and making shit up in my head about him to deal but honestly I’d daydream constantly about him I never stopped loving him just couldn’t handle the hurt anymore. Now fast forward even more he’s come back (today to be exact) he thought a lot about the last things I said to him I was civil and painfully honest about my feelings, how he was with me, and so on and so forth when I left “for good” said he wants a relationship and I made him promise things would actually be different he agrees but no I’m not being dumb I know only time will tell. Nowwww another [28m].. I and him have been dating a month officially and it took a lot for me to really be attracted to him I won’t lie but he doesn’t need any work he’s emotionally mature, he wants to give me everything I want I’ll be honest he’s currently incarcerated and maybe I did that on purpose 😂🤷‍♀️ I really don’t know but it happened and I do deeply care for both but I really only naturally say I love you to first [28m] but I also stopped picturing a future with him because i thought I’d never get it really. So would I regret giving first guy this final chance?

Been hanging out with this girl for like a month. She was so kind and doing all sorts of nice things for me. I said I was looking for something casual and she said ok me too but can we be exclusive. And I said of course. And then I had sex with someone else and was too stupid to tell her and tried to just slink away and of course she found out about it and I’m just like what a asinine, immature move by me.

Hi everyone,

I will try to keep this short, but I think context is required to fully understand the situation I’m in.

I (18M) have had a kind of soft spot for a girl (19F) since we were in our senior year of high school about 2 years ago, but never acted on it since I was scared on rejection. Since then, I have been in two relationships and snapped this girl (yes we still use snap where I live) and didn’t think much about it. About two and half months ago, I gathered my courage and engaged in a conversation with her via text. For me, it was really great to talk to her both, because I was happy to get to finally talk to her and because we got along very well. We replied to each others dozens of times per day and sometimes talked for an hour without interruption. We also told each other stories about our life and just had great interactions. Both of us were really occupied so it made seeing each other quite the challenge but still managed to go on two dates and both we had really good interactions and everything went well even though we didn’t kiss or anything. After that second date, she began to be more distant and reply less and less to me, which I quickly noticed and it affected me more than I would like to admit. Even though she acted distant, she told me two times that she was still interested in seeing me, but it would take some time because her agenda was full (which was true), so it kind of reassured me because she showed that she still had interest in seeing me. She also told me she was sorry for not responding fast more than once and that also made me think that all would come back to normal. Still, after sometime this wasn’t enough and I asked her one night if she was still really interested in us seeing each other, to which she said that she didn’t know, because every time she talks to a guy she has a feeling that it wouldn’t work and each time it happens to be right. I don’t mean to be of bad fate or anything, but I think that this is not a good thought to have while starting to talk to someone and I don’t mean this in any damaging way, but it might explain why she hasn’t been in any serious relationship. To go back to the story, after she says that, I tell her that not talking anymore makes me sad a bit because we had such a good relation (while talking), and she says that it’s true but it would be better to not see each other anymore. I always said during this process that I will respect her choice and I finished by saying her that I wished her the best and bla bla bla. She says the same to me and I go to see my friends to change my mind. I don’t really look at my phone during the night, but I see that she sent me some more texts, so I go open them. She says that we could still talk to one another without talking to one another. I respond and say that yeah if i have something to tell her or she has something to tell me that we could talk, which was my way of distancing a bit myself, which I thought was what she wanted. She didn’t really react well and only liked that message, so I asked if she meant more like talking like we were doing before but just as friends, to which she replied that yeah, that was what she meant. I know this was a bad idea, but I agreed. Since then, I have tried to put a distance between ourselves, but it was her that kept engaging with me, like she doubled snapped me and talked about her day and told me random thing like when we were still in a situationship. Now I come to the part that makes me question everything: as I told you we told each other many stories about ourselves and in one of hers, she told me about this guy that for months tried to stop to talk to but couldn’t bc i don’t know why. It didn’t work due to him being a complete ass and acting like a douche. I find myself wondering if it couldn’t be me too or if i’m just delusional. I feel like she tells me that she doesn’t want to talk to me but still shows interest. (I also want to had that she responds more fast now that we aren’t in a situationship anymore, which is kind of weird and that we are also each other #1 best friend on snap if that has any importance). I feel really bad for telling this story here but I really need to get some advice from third parties bc i don’t know what to think of it and I feel like there are so much mixed signals coming from her end, but I’m not sure. Thanks to everyone who reads this and I wait impatiently for your feedbacks.

TL;DR. My [47M] married ass accidentally fell for a friend [35F] during my wife and I going through a rough patch. Feels like fate.

[47M] I found myself in an interesting situationship recently, I swear due to fate. I can't stop thinking about a woman [35F] obsessed even, but I'm married [47F] (for 23 years). Let me explain how I got here...

Back in February I was beyond stressed out. Drinking my sorrows away far too much. Crazy work issues are/were to blame. My wife and I were also absolutely not getting along at the time. She wasn't very supportive of me often getting drunk herself and taking it all out on me. One night I'd had enough and the next day things changed. 

Now, this had been a trend for months, even years, and I, being the rock that I am, was required to fix it, yet again. However, my first instinct this time was to open up the FB dating app rather than attend to my wife. I thought, how childish of me? (Nothing there impressing in the world of dating anyway) Part of this is on me and my fault. So, instead, I began working on myself. 

I quit drinking. Cold turkey. I began working out, two-a-days. I've lost 27 lbs since. I feel good now and look even better. I began addressing long term health issues I've had too. Reasons? Two fold. I wanted my wife to take my lead and stop drinking. I also did it to save our marriage. Did it work? Not really initially. Marginally at best. She barely even noticed. She mostly quit drinking but didnt fully understand the reasons why I began working on and prioritizing myself. But then something really interesting happened in June...

Out of the blue a female friend [35F] of mine IMs me about going to a fair. I said sure. I was already planning on going. We've been aquantances of each other for years, smitten with each other even. She had a small business. I was a customer. We interacted and always had fun together. We met up at fair, hung out and had a very wonderful time. However, she knows I'm married, knows my wife, even made the comment about not dating married men. However, there was so much electricity and energy between us it was impossible to ignore. We both felt it. 

Fair ended and we parted ways. I reached out to her again about meeting up, not as a date but as friends to help me out with my personal growth. You see, she's also a life coach. (I should have known better at this point.) We did get together on several occasions to talk about life, emotions, and how to navigate difficult problems. Nothing physical whatsoever. Recently though, one meet up WAS absolutely a DATE. 

It was obvious I had fallen for her. She was a mirror of the things I wanted out of a relationship with a woman, emotional support is clearly what I'm lacking. My marriage is not providing it for me. Understand, we're also very compatible with each other. Conversations come so easy. So, we talked about it. Everything. And, it was good. She gave some interesting, but great advice. She even mentioned she has/had similar feelings towards me. BUT, these two relationships and issues need to remain mutually exclusive for me to have a chance with her. We agreed. But, things then got weird, because of course they would, duh... 

I applied advice and began addressing my issues at home with my wife. I had the uncomfortable, difficult conversations. I told my wife that I can't ask you to change, but these are the things (mostly emotional support and her to prioritize herself regarding health and her wellness) I want out of a relationship. And, if I don't get them, I'm going to move on. 

I expected the worst. But, my wife responded. She finally understood. She's made changes. (Some I've been asking for, for years.) She's finally working on herself and stopped drinking. I'm cautiously optomistic. Things are better lately. The advice worked. (FWIW my wife knows nothing of my friend and our relationship, and it'll remain that way)

However, my problem. I can't stop thinking about my friend [35F]. She's intoxicating to me. Since that date, we've chatted a few times. It's been awkward. We mostly just post crap on FB back forth explaining ourselves. Nobody else is the wiser.  She's honestly waiting for me to see just what I'll do with my marriage before moving forward. I can't blame her. I don't want her to feel guilty about breaking up a long term marriage and relationship. But, at the same token she's had a hand in it and knows it. We haven't spoken in person since and I'm heartbroken that I may have hurt her. 

The right move is to continue to work on my marriage and I am. I'm going to see how it plays out because I have way too much invested here. But boy, the temptation of a younger, exciting, intelligent and rare woman for me is so so very real. I'm torn. TIA.

I’ve posted on here before. Me (34f) and my best friend with benefits (30m), ended our hooking up a few months ago. He ghosted me for a time and then apologized and said he found someone he wanted to be serious with. Ok. Cool. Whatever.
But why does that mean he has to cut me off completely????
I messaged saying I saw his doppelgänger at a grocery store and hoped he was doing well- to which he said his brother is actually in the state. I asked for a picture of brother. No response. Whatever.
I used to buy pot off him. Thought surely that’s ok to ask of him. He saw my message and no response.

Why is he trying to cut me out completely if we were always just friends with benefits? How come I can be civil and platonic and he needs space?

I hate that it makes me question how he saw us. Like did our friendship mean nothing to him???? For 2 fucking years we were friends and now I’m nothing.

I don’t like how hurt I am by him choosing to cut me out completely. I’ve always told him I am a girl with many platonic guy friends and to remember that I’m his friend first and sex is just a BENEFIT.

I have nobody to talk to about this so I would love any male insight on what might be going on with him.

It’s been eight months since we last spoke. He’s blocked everywhere and got married. I’m still stuck on him. Not a single day goes by without me thinking about him. Some days it’s just anger, other days it’s sadness and then there are days when it’s like an ick that won’t go away. The three years we were together were a mess and I would never want to be in that situation again. He will never be allowed near me but it’s still not getting normal. I’m so tired and just want to get over it. Any advice on how to live away from this agony?

How do I tell my FWB that I know he's jerking off with two other women?

So, met this guy named Lawrence at work. He is married and immediately got the sense that he was flirting with me. Eventually, he invited me over to his place to hangout and we did. We had a great time, but the signals still told me he was interested in me. He only mentioned his wife once in passing, she is out of state living in their other home while she finishes school. One night, we got drunk, I kissed him and one thing led to another. We slept together and I felt like shit. But after speaking with him, he told me him and his wife were separated and planned on getting a divorce. Being the untrusting person that I am, I found a chance to go through his phone and verify if what he told was true. I discovered that it was via their text history.

After that we decided to pursue a FWB, which I was more than okay with, because I am not interested in a relationship him. Fast forward, I learn about a previous ex, named Bianca. He told me that they were once an FWB like us, but then she pressured him into a relationship and he cheated. Years later, he reached out and apologized and not only are they friends, they also wish to hook up if they were to ever meet again. I know this, because once again, being messy...I went through his phone.

We had a conversation, because I brought it up without directly telling him I went through phone, about Bianca coming to visit him. He said that she planned on coming in a few months, to which I replied, that I fully support his choice in who he has sex with, but I feel weird exchanging sexual partners. I basically told him that if he has sex with Bianca, then I don't feel comfortable having sex with afterwards. Not because something emotional, it just sounds gross, especially because we have oral sex and I can't get the image of his dick in another woman and then being put in my mouth out of my head. He suddenly changed the tune and said she "might" be coming, it's not a guarantee.

Add ANOTHER woman that I discovered once again, because I am messy. He had mentioned her as a family friend that he went to a concert with along with his sibling. When he came back, I noticed that he was messaging her alot. I went through his phone and discovered that he was also sexting her and wanting a sexual relationship with her as well.

I bring this all up because, last night, I was having some fun with my toy (👀) and I messaged him about it. He is the first and only person that has made me squirt and so I also added that the toy made me do it twice. The next day, he said that read my text and it made him a little upset. I asked why and he said that it made him feel like I didn't need him anymore. THE GALL! THE GUMPTION! THE NERVE! I wanted to curse this man out, but in doing that I would admit that I went through his phone and learned about Bianca and his family friend and that he sexts with them.

I would advice on how to address this issue, without revealing that I have been through his phone. YES, I know that what I did was a breach of trust. But that is not why I am here. Please allow me to be messy. I had a feeling in my gut and was right. The issue is why does he think he can have other outlets with ACTUAL people, but I mention a good time with a 🌹 and he gets pissy.

What is that? And how do I get this man to admit that he is jerking off with other ppl so I can tell him I don't care who he sends his dick to, so he shouldn't care what I do when I'm alone either.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

we're really good friends but we also do sexual stuff (we sleep together, cuddle, draw on each other, groping, handjobs etc) but we dont even acknowledge the stuff we do. its been going on for like 8 months now.

So i met this girl and i kinda started to like her and i was genuinely happy after 3 months as my situationship ended i confessed to her nd unfortunately she also liked me back but 2 days after that her feelings changed and she said that she wants to be friends i told her idts i can be friends with u but we used to talk and all still. Then we kissed after some days cz we both were drunk then my feelings got stronger and i confessed again and unfortunately she said that her feelings were not gone she just thought being frnds was the right thing to do at that time and again after 2 days her feelings changed i told her i can't be frnds we still talk but she doesn't even realise that the things she did actually hurt me it would hurt anyone what should i fucking do now

I'm interested in hearing from men who decided to not date someone or not continue dating them, then came back *seriously* to date a woman (not just for validation/access). I'm curious what made you decide to reach out and when you did. I'm especially interested if you did or do lean avoidant and have some kind of phobia/trauma around feelings/relationships. How did the relationship originally end? How did you restart it?

A very long story short: we met in real life through sheer chance and weird circumstances, not through apps. We were briefly intimate over a year ago and had a complicated friendship after. He insisted on wanting to continue meeting up for coffee. He is seriously avoidant. Examples: he freaks out when strangers mistake his female friends as his girlfriend, and he freaked out a few weeks ago when I told him I couldn't tell if he really didn't like me, or if he has feelings, and he's scared, so he self-sabotages. He got angry, ended the conversation shortly after.

Last week I asked how he was feeling, and that he could send me a song if he didn't want to say it. He sidestepped that, said he was busy. I said I need to know when I can expect to hear from him because I can't wait indefinitely. (He tends to say he's busy as a way to not face his feelings.) He sent a cold chatgpt-written message saying he just wants a casual friendship, sorry it's not the answer you wanted, hope you've been well.

I told him I don't want to be his friend, that I won't contact him anymore and won't go see his work. That he told me he was attracted to me, and he wanted to continue meeting up as friends and maybe it becomes something more later, but never said what changed or if it was because I was forcing the issue to the fore. I unfollowed him. 

He said sorry for the pain, he genuinely wishes me well. I said sorry isn't enough. That if it was a money/career issue for him, or being in a relationship, or if he needed time to decide, he could have communicated that, but he didn't so we never found out if it could have worked. And that it was so hurtful how he reacted. I have my doubts he realized any of that.

Shortly after he sent his chatgpt message, he immediately began posting songs about missing someone and wanting them back, and songs about wanting a second chance with a lost love to do something over again, that something was missed and he has regrets. 

Shockingly, as of today, he's still following me. By comparison: a month ago he invited me to an event, and a few hours later unfollowed me. The next day he was talking about catching up next week, and when I asked if anything had changed about us having coffee, and he was super apologetic, saying his schedule is crazy (which it is). I asked him twice about the unfollow and he could never give me an explanation for why he unfollowed other than "it was a long time ago". He refollowed when we caught up in person after I insisted it wasn't. I still don't get this quite, frankly.

Anyways, I will not contact him again...unless he reaches out first.

I’ve known this person for about a year now, things have always been murky and never entirely “platonic” but never explicitly romantic or physical either. It always felt like he was leading me on, we’d spend one on one time together, there’d be “date adjacent” stuff happening, texts and reels with romantic undertones, and there’s emotional intimacy and closeness as well, but yeah no label.
He’s never said anything outright, though he’s dropped a lot of hints, which I didn’t really pick up on initially and never said anything about either, hoping for a clear conversation at some point and so as to not “misread” signals and mess up an otherwise decent friendship.
However I realised I had feelings for him, and this whole charade of “maybe-maybe not” kept getting more and more frustrating, so I told him that I liked him, while we were together once and drunk, hoping to end the ambiguity for once and for all.
Here’s the annoying part: neither did he say anything then, blaming it on the alcohol and saying we didn’t know what we were saying, nor was there a follow up conversation about it without me bringing it up, to which again there was no concrete answer, just that “let’s talk about this when we meet next” (he’s out of the state for two months).
Is there anything worthwhile that’s gonna come out of this? I personally have pretty low hopes, and am thinking of ending this ‘thing’, however it’s tricky given how he doesn’t acknowledge the situationship for what it is, and we still talk as ‘friends’. How do I deal with this and get out of this situationship? Do i ghost or can I maintain the friendship still?

TLDR: need advice on how to get out of a situationship with a friend

Heyy- using a throwaway for this.

I (F) had been recently seeing a guy and we had gone on few dates with another to be planned (mutual confirmation we both wanted another but after a week/ 2 weeks as we were both busy). We had been intimate together and I had slept over at his place.

I noticed a bit of a change a few days after our last date, where he was taking a lot longer to respond and was less communicative but he was sick so i chalked it up to that. However, he then sent me a few drunk/ tipsy messages divulging that a close family member of his likely has a serious illness, and that he is scared. He has been a carer for said family member before and it appears this illness may be returning). It sounded awful and I felt a lot of empathy for him to the point where I actually teared up!

Anyway, I replied to his messages and tried not to just give sympathy but rather a shoulder to lean on etc. I don’t think it was too strong or anything, I just told him ppl process things differently and I’m okay with him taking space or me being a listening ear etc. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed as he was clearly intoxicated when he sent the messages but i read them the next day. He read my response immediately when i sent it but didn’t reply. This was on Friday and now it’s the following Tuesday, still no response.

I was on a girls trip from Friday - Monday which he knew about so initially I thought it was that but now that I’m back I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted? I texted him yesterday just to let him know I got home from the trip and to ask how he was and still no response.

I’m really upset about it as I did really like this guy and saw something long term, he was also talking future tense with me and had been super communicative to this point so it makes me wonder if he’s just overwhelmed with what’s happening with his family?

Should I be upset and see this as ghosting or is it likely due to being overwhelmed? How long should I wait for him to reply and if he does- how can I best support him during this difficult time? if it’s ghosting and he’s not interested why was he acting so future focused previously? I feel like a fool lol but also understand he’s having a ROUGHHH time rn.

Would love any tips- I know we hadn’t known each other long but man, he was a great guy :/