u/MochaLover500

hey all!

A guy (23M) I (23F) was seeing for about a month cut things off with me yesterday night as there’s been an unexpected tragedy within his family (unexpected serious illness) which had totally taken him and his family by surprise. I’m not going to get into it here but it sounds like an awful situation and I really do hope he and his afflicted family member pulls through.

Obviously he can’t help what has happened and chose to cut things off with me as he doesn’t have the capacity to date and cope with what’s going on / support his family during this time. I think that’s 100% understandable, we weren’t exclusive but i feel we were heading that direction and we both did want a long term relationship.

I really REALLY liked him, and he was a total catch like way out of my league! To me this feels similar to a breakup even though it isn’t, and is quite painful because it’s circumstances rather than a lack of chemistry that pulled us apart. Obviously though this isn’t about my pain, he’s going through so much and I feel so unbelievably awful for him that it’s actually inspired me to volunteer at my local charity which supports those with his family member’s diagnosis as I wanted somewhere to put the empathy I had for his family.

Anyways, when i replied to his message I told him that if things calm down or look more positive in time and he’d like to reconnect that i’d love to do so. I don’t want to hold out hope but i’m fatigued by dating apps so Im also not that interested in finding someone new right now. I actually do think Il struggle to connect with someone the way i did with him. Even though we knew each other a very short while.

I’m wondering if anyone’s ever been in a situation like this where they receive tragic news and pull away from dating, and how I should go about things now? Should I remain hopeful we reconnect or move on and decide it wasn’t meant to be?

I really did want a relationship but I understand and respect his wishes to end things so he can focus on his family. I’m just wondering if when a sense of normalcy returns (diagnosis received last weekend) would it be likely that he may reach out?

Perspectives from both sides (those who’ve been in my position and those in his) are very much appreciated!!

Heyy- using a throwaway for this.

I (F) had been recently seeing a guy and we had gone on few dates with another to be planned (mutual confirmation we both wanted another but after a week/ 2 weeks as we were both busy). We had been intimate together and I had slept over at his place.

I noticed a bit of a change a few days after our last date, where he was taking a lot longer to respond and was less communicative but he was sick so i chalked it up to that. However, he then sent me a few drunk/ tipsy messages divulging that a close family member of his likely has a serious illness, and that he is scared. He has been a carer for said family member before and it appears this illness may be returning). It sounded awful and I felt a lot of empathy for him to the point where I actually teared up!

Anyway, I replied to his messages and tried not to just give sympathy but rather a shoulder to lean on etc. I don’t think it was too strong or anything, I just told him ppl process things differently and I’m okay with him taking space or me being a listening ear etc. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed as he was clearly intoxicated when he sent the messages but i read them the next day. He read my response immediately when i sent it but didn’t reply. This was on Friday and now it’s the following Tuesday, still no response.

I was on a girls trip from Friday - Monday which he knew about so initially I thought it was that but now that I’m back I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted? I texted him yesterday just to let him know I got home from the trip and to ask how he was and still no response.

I’m really upset about it as I did really like this guy and saw something long term, he was also talking future tense with me and had been super communicative to this point so it makes me wonder if he’s just overwhelmed with what’s happening with his family?

Should I be upset and see this as ghosting or is it likely due to being overwhelmed? How long should I wait for him to reply and if he does- how can I best support him during this difficult time? if it’s ghosting and he’s not interested why was he acting so future focused previously? I feel like a fool lol but also understand he’s having a ROUGHHH time rn.

Would love any tips- I know we hadn’t known each other long but man, he was a great guy :/

Heyy- using a throwaway for this.

I (F) had been recently seeing a guy and we had gone on few dates with another to be planned (mutual confirmation we both wanted a 4th but after a week/ 2 weeks as we were both busy). We had been intimate together and I had slept over at his place.

I noticed a bit of a change a few days after our last date, where he was taking a lot longer to respond and was a little less communicative but he was sick so i chalked it up to that and once he wasn’t sick he resumed to being normal-ish. However, he then sent me a few drunk/ tipsy messages divulging that a close family member of his likely has a serious illness, and that he is scared. He has been a carer for said family member before and it appears this illness may be returning). It sounded awful and I felt a lot of empathy for him to the point where I actually teared up!

Anyway, I replied to his messages and tried not to just give sympathy but rather a shoulder to lean on etc. I don’t think it was too strong or anything, I just told him ppl process things differently and I’m okay with him taking space or me being a listening ear etc. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed as he was clearly intoxicated when he sent the messages but i read them the next day. He read my response immediately when i sent it but didn’t reply. This was on Friday and now it’s the following Tuesday, still no response.

I was on a girls trip from Friday - Monday which he knew about so initially I thought it was that but now that I’m back I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted? I texted him yesterday just to let him know I got home from the trip and to ask how he was and still no response.

I’m really upset about it as I did really like this guy and saw something long term, he was also talking future tense with me and had been super communicative to this point so it makes me wonder if he’s just overwhelmed with what’s happening with his family?

Should I be upset and see this as ghosting or is it likely due to being overwhelmed? How long should I wait for him to reply and if he does- how can I best support him during this difficult time?

Also curious if it’d be worthwhile to send another text after a few more days if this continues just to ask for clarification if he’s been taking space of no longer interested? Worded politely obviously but to allow me to stop wondering if it’s me or if it’s his situation lol.

Would love any tips- I know we hadn’t known each other long but man, he was a great guy :/

Heyy- using a throwaway for this.

I (F) had been recently seeing a guy and we had gone on few dates with another to be planned (mutual confirmation we both wanted a 4th but after a week/ 2 weeks as we were both busy). We had been intimate together and I had slept over at his place.

I noticed a bit of a change a few days after our last date, where he was taking a lot longer to respond and was less communicative but he was sick so i chalked it up to that. However, he then sent me a few drunk/ tipsy messages divulging that a close family member of his likely has a serious illness, and that he is scared. He has been a carer for said family member before and it appears this illness may be returning). It sounded awful and I felt a lot of empathy for him to the point where I actually teared up!

Anyway, I replied to his messages and tried not to just give sympathy but rather a shoulder to lean on etc. I don’t think it was too strong or anything, I just told him ppl process things differently and I’m okay with him taking space or me being a listening ear etc. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed as he was clearly intoxicated when he sent the messages but i read them the next day. He read my response immediately when i sent it but didn’t reply. This was on Friday and now it’s the following Tuesday, still no response.

I was on a girls trip from Friday - Monday which he knew about so initially I thought it was that but now that I’m back I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted? I texted him yesterday just to let him know I got home from the trip and to ask how he was and still no response.

I’m really upset about it as I did really like this guy and saw something long term, he was also talking future tense with me and had been super communicative to this point so it makes me wonder if he’s just overwhelmed with what’s happening with his family?

Should I be upset and see this as ghosting or is it likely due to being overwhelmed? How long should I wait for him to reply and if he does- how can I best support him during this difficult time?

Would love any tips- I know we hadn’t known each other long but man, he was a great guy :/

Heyy- using a throwaway for this.

I (F) had been recently seeing a guy and we had gone on few dates with another to be planned (mutual confirmation we both wanted a 4th but after a week/ 2 weeks as we were both busy). We had been intimate together and I had slept over at his place.

I noticed a bit of a change a few days after our last date, where he was taking a lot longer to respond and was less communicative but he was sick so i chalked it up to that. However, he then sent me a few drunk/ tipsy messages divulging that a close family member of his likely has a serious illness, and that he is scared. He has been a carer for said family member before and it appears this illness may be returning). It sounded awful and I felt a lot of empathy for him to the point where I actually teared up!

Anyway, I replied to his messages and tried not to just give sympathy but rather a shoulder to lean on etc. I don’t think it was too strong or anything, I just told him ppl process things differently and I’m okay with him taking space or me being a listening ear etc. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed as he was clearly intoxicated when he sent the messages but i read them the next day. He read my response immediately when i sent it but didn’t reply. This was on Friday and now it’s the following Tuesday, still no response.

I was on a girls trip from Friday - Monday which he knew about so initially I thought it was that but now that I’m back I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted? I texted him yesterday just to let him know I got home from the trip and to ask how he was and still no response.

I’m really upset about it as I did really like this guy and saw something long term, he was also talking future tense with me and had been super communicative to this point so it makes me wonder if he’s just overwhelmed with what’s happening with his family?

Should I be upset and see this as ghosting or is it likely due to being overwhelmed? How long should I wait for him to reply and if he does- how can I best support him during this difficult time?

Would love any tips- I know we hadn’t known each other long but man, he was a great guy :/