r/AmIOverthinking

My dog passed away recently and I’ve been trying to choose an urn for him.

I didn’t expect this part to be so emotional honestly.

I keep looking at different ones and every time I find something “nice” I immediately start second guessing it.

Like what if it’s too plain
or too generic
or just doesn’t feel special enough for who my dog was to me

which probably sounds dramatic because I know it’s still “just” an urn

but my dog was such a huge part of my life that I think I’m putting a lot of pressure on this decision now.

I think I’m scared of choosing something and later looking at it thinking
“that’s it?”
like somehow I reduced such an important relationship into something that feels ordinary.

I don’t know if I’m making way too big of a deal out of this or if this is normal when you lose a pet.

I have not issue with him having a female room mate exactly, but I didn't know that when he moved out of his parents house he had a room mate till a month ago, and didn't know it was a girl until last week, and I was okay with that until he decided to mention that it was a studio apartment so they had to share a bed, which I think is weird, and now he won't let me come by the apartment because he thinks it would be uncomfortable for everyone. Am I overthinking or am I right to find this weird

My husband and I usually shower together every night. Tonight a turned around and did a little sexy booty dance and his comment was “ripple ripple ripple”. I am SO ANNOYED!. Im annoyed because out of all the words in the world to say, he said RIPPLE RIPPLE RIPPLE!
I just turned my fun energy off and went to bed. Am I overthinking?

TDRL/ My BIL is a liar and claims he told me he didn’t want me to marry his sister 11 years ago. He was the one that was happiest about it.

Me and my wife have been married for 11 years this year. I met my wife to through my BIL who at that point was my bestfriend. Throughout the 11 years I’ve found out that most if not all of what my BIL about himself and his family were a lie. I also have gotten an up close and personal look at how he treats his family, his friends(I was not exempt, but it was HS and I figured a shitty teenager is a shitty teenager, we graduated in 2011), his dog, how he speaks to children, the intellectually disabled, how he likes to steal from different places including family, and I realized I didn’t know him at all. Fine. Take it on the chin and keep it moving, we’re adults. I have no reason to keep explaining to someone how they affect the people around them. Within the last two years though me and my wife’s nieces moved in with us. Man. They’re not children, they’re young adults so obviously he spoke to them and expressed himself to them(he’s a teenage girl trapped in a grown man’s body). The things I’ve heard he said about me to them. He doesn’t like me, he didn’t want me to marry his sister, among many other lies and horrible things that he said about me to them. I believe it because he has lied to my face and told me that I said something that I would never say and for a fact I heard him say himself. He constantly makes bad decisions and blames others for it as well. Now 2 almost 3 years into my nieces living with us and it’s gotten to a point where my entire household does not speak to my BIL. We don’t go to visit him at his household either. AIO feeling bad about this situation and him being basically blackballed? My nieces don’t speak to him for many reasons, including this but this was not what broke the camels back. I just feel bad for him

so after i stopped talking to her, everything became really awkward.

pt 1 link

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverthinking/comments/1tijm08/aio_am_i_overthinking_my_friendships_pt_1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

when we first came in the school she'd made friends with these two girls who were really nice n i became friends with them as well, so after i stopped talking to her they really tried to get me back to being friends- but i hd made up my mind.

the problem is that she is REALLY REALLY NICE TO EVERYBODY ELSE, I dont think 1 other person went through this shit that i did. She wears such a beautiful mask in public but i think i got the glimpse of her true face.

n idc abt all this but why me?? WHAT DID I DO TO HER?? so fucking fake.

so these two really got along more with her eventually. n they love her still. let's call them K and S.

i also got closer to my other friend (lets say B) who knew about all this n who i vented to while i was dealing with her. n she became kinda my new bestie like she was n is the sweetest person ever.

n we had a whatsapp group - me, B, K, S, her and 2 other girls.

n after i stopped talking to her i didnt leave the group bc why should i leave?? she should leave in my opinion. but the thing is i never really made a public declaration about why i stopped talking to her, i only told them that she's a HUGE GASLIGHTER n they kinda asked for proof n instances but i didnt hv any. n i was afraid to tell them the whole thing bc i was still scared of her mother. (i know i m a coward)

the thing is for her- family = dont touch , both the mother n daughter n EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS and they are a bit influential type . n i thought that if i told everyone, her mom would ring me up n if she did my mom would also fight and i didnt want anyone to fight bc i hate confrontations n i was just scared idk i hate myself for this.

so i didnt tell anyone anything much.

I thought we'd all go separate ways after high school n they wont be prominent in my life so idgaf. BUT BUT BUT the friend group grew STRONGER n we still talk on that gc , i dont write a lot n she doesnt either but the others do n they make plans to meet n all n i just avoid it a bit - ive been busy in my life too so i genuinely cant meet them all that much. but i see them posting her in their updates especially B - INFACT B EVEN WROTE HER A HUGE ASS INSTAGRAM POST THE YEAR WE STOPPED TALKING n that just felt bad. B tells me that im her best friend but then why does she talk to her still? am i being insecure? i havent met any other friend like B yet n i trust her a lot , its like she's my sister but she is pretty close to my ex best friend still n posts her and appreciates her a lot n just cant stop being friends w her and it makes me feel so betrayed??, am i being insecure? or should i stop putting so much effort in friendships? i really value a community n i just cant seem to get that.

do i leave the whatsapp group? do i cut them off all slowly? this is like the coolest gc ive ever had like a girl gang but just this one stupid thing that haunts me n makes me feel like what i experienced was invalid. why am i the one suffering?? my ex bff keeps going on being nice to all of them n they LOVE HER, what do i do?? AIO??

guys i dont think i can bring this up w B bc i think it is socially impossible for her to stop talking to her since she has never done anything wrong to her personally and they also hv been friends for 7+ years n ive also been friends w B for 7+ years only idk man . i know this will only result in me looking overly insecure, idk what to do. why am i stuck in this? i wish someone could get bring clarity and just tell me what to do

I cant sleep cause of this. I was in the car with a friend. And she said her cat was missing and I said he probably died. When it came out I realized how harsh it sounded. My grandmas cat ran away before it died, and finding out it knowingly leaves on purpose made me feel better. Thats why I said it. I apologized there and in text a day later, but I cant sleep and I feel terrible. How bad is that. I feel so bad. Shes the sweetest person ever, and I worry her accepting my apology wasnt real cause shes so nice. Im not sure what to do to stop overthink about it, and Im not sure how bad it really is.

Hi! I (28f) have been dating my bf (27m) for 3 years now.

My bf and I bonded over tattoos when we met. We still talk about tattoos all the time.

But I was telling a friend a story about one of his tattoos and she mentioned to me that it was “weird” so now I can stop thinking about it.

When we first started dating I showed him videos on mantis especially orchid mantis which are my fav. He had never heard of the and after the videos he thought they were awesome and I was like “I told you so”. I am also fine with bugs. For his family Christmas one of his siblings got me a taxidermy moth. Which I love. I’m also the big killer/or saver on the relationship. Just not cockroaches idk why I always gag and want to throw up when I see them. He’s not big on spiders at all and it’s okay with some bugs.

Anyways I told him for the longest time I have been wanting an orchid mantis tattoo. And he thought that was a fun idea because it wasn’t a butterfly or moth.

Months later I got a tattoo of my cat in armor. And after he saw that I got a tattoo he scheduled an appointment next day. He told his artist that he wanted him to pick a random idea for his arm. When he got back from the shop he said “you’ll never believe what I got” and showed me a tattoo of a scared tiger roaring. I loved it and we joked we both got my cat tattooed. And I told him in a joking way “wow you copied me”. (He said he did a blind tattoo with his artist which he has done in the past before)

He then after few weeks went to go get filler. And he wanted nature and happy vibes. He got some pretty sweet bug flower/leaf morphs. He texted me and said “I spoke to *artist name* about it and orchid mantis tattoo and he thought it was a sick idea.” At first I was like oh that’s sick. He got the tattoo and it’s honestly gorgeous I love it. It’s my favorite one he has.

And a few months later we went and saw orchid mantis in person and he said “woah why are they so small?” Which after all the videos I showed him and he got it tattooed on himself I was like wtf?

I have been spitting ideas off of him with tattoo ideas and I said I was not considering an orchid mantis tattoo anymore since he got it and I didn’t want to be matching. And he said “what’s the problem is we have matching tattoos?” I then continued the conversation and said how I want a kewpie baby tattoo and he said “that would look better with my style. I should get that.” And I honestly couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

I truly love this man and do see my self marrying him. But idk something scares me about matching tattoos or similar tattoos. And I was telling the story to my friend and she was like “that’s weird he took your tattoo idea”.. granted I thought it was odd before but pushed it back because it’s his body his choice. I also feel like rn I’m giving Charlotte and when someone too her baby name in sex and the city.

I do feel apprehensive when talking about tattoos with him though lately and I hate that I feel that way.

Am I overthinking this?

I (28M) have had a pretty rough time over the last few years. Last year, I attempted to take my own life, and due to a mishap, not only did I fail, but I accidentally gave myself a concussion. I went to the hospital and got it checked out and I made a full recovery, but none of my closest friends seemed to be even slightly concerned, even though I was entirely honest with them as to what gave me the concussion in the first place. It really bothered me, and nobody made any effort to even check on me in the months after. I didn't want to just cut them off, because I've known all these people for going on 7 years. I decided that I'd give it time and try to see if I'd change my mind later down the line.

Here we are, one year later. My birthday passed by recently and not a single call, not a single text, nothing. I had exactly one person message me on my birthday, and it was just one friend wanting to vent about something that happened to them--it wasn't something crazy, they just wanted to gossip about work. I spent an hour listening to them and then I jokingly mentioned it was my birthday and they just said "oh crap sorry lol anyways" and kept on going. This is a friend I've known since I was 14.

I want to just ghost everyone and start over, but I just moved to the other side of the US a couple years ago, and I haven't been able to make friends where I am because of trying to keep myself afloat in spite of everything. I'm worried I'll be alone, but at the same time I feel insane for trying to look the other way.

TLDR: My closest friends have not been present time after time and I'm considering ghosting them. Am I overthinking?

I (23F) went on a first date Saturday with a guy I met on Hinge and I genuinely thought it went really well. We did mini golf + food/ice cream and spent around 2 hours together. He was engaged the whole time, texted me when he got home, said he had a lot of fun and hoped we could do it again soon.
I responded saying I had a really great time too.
The thing throwing me off is that it’s now Monday and he still hasn’t replied again or tried to continue the conversation at all. Before the date, he was pretty consistent with texting.
He also mentioned during the date that he had a couple busy weekends coming up (camping/family stuff) but said he’d still be down to do something during the week.
I know people have different texting habits, and I’m trying not to overreact, but I also feel like if someone is genuinely excited about you they usually don’t go quiet for almost 2 days right after a good first date.

Would you interpret this as:
normal/slower pacing after a first date
interested but casual
polite post-date behavior before fading out

Trying to calibrate my expectations realistically and not double text unnecessarily lol. How does one not overthink this?

Throwaway account because I know manny people on reddit!
So sorry for the long post, but just looking for outside opinions! Also sorry if this is everywhere, this is my first post! I [21 F] and my [22 M] boyfriend have been on and off for about three years now. We met each other through a dating app and he was simply one of the guys that did not say something disgusting. From the beginning I was bit off about him but I knew I enjoyed his personality. My friends immediately did not take a liking to him whether it was the way he looked to the first time they met him, just simply did not mesh. Even now they do not fancy him at all and do not care to invite him anywhere and or hangout with us so much so I do not talk about my relationship at all with them because I know I will have some eye rolls and such. I have been the one to break it off each time the 1st time because I felt like he wasn’t communicating the best such as when he would leave somewhere I just wouldnt here from him for hours, or just him not communicating how we were going to hangout. All of these things were just things I had to assume which is something I knew I didn’t like. We got back together because I felt he could grow and he did, he has become way better with communication! The 2nd time around I mentally checked out of the relationship because I felt like I could do better if i am being completely honest. After this we got back together again because I second guessed myself and though I was wrong. The last time we broke up was because of me again and this time It was the same thing as the second, felt like I was over it and wasn’t being treated to the potiental I should be. Between all of these breakups we have only not talked to each other for a week. During that week I was trying to be happy and I was expect I couldn’t stop thinking about what he was doing and if he was with someone else etc. We ended up getting back together and have been together now for about a year and some change but all together 3 years. During this time he graduated from college and moved away to a job 3 1/2 hours away while I was working and staying college. We resecued a dog together at the beginning of the year. I started missing them a lot and made the decision to move in with both of them 3 hours away from my family and friends. I started a completly new job from my family and the friends I made at the previous job and I was getting free school for working full time at my job but I had to commute an hour to work. We have only been living together for about two months now and I have only been at my new job for 1 1/2 months. I will say the commute now is wayy better than the previous one. Most of my family and friends were shocked with this decision as I didn’t tell anyone until I put my two weeks in at my previous job and let them know shortly there after. I told them I did this because I did not want anyone to convince me out of this decision and I wanted to have all my answers aligned before telling everyone. Fast forward to know on why I am feeling like iffy in my deicision. For context I am in an interracial relationship so black and white. We have had many dicussions on various topics that we tend not to agree on such as one about the 4th of July. I do not feel the need to celebrate it as the 4th of July is celebrating the indepdence of the white men in america and not the african americans who were still enslaved and brutally being beaten. He feels like it is our countries holiday and sort of the “why not ?” stance on the situation. This also came up with the discussion about the american flag being hung from our house and i disagrred as it doesn’t align with what I believe in. He feels like it is honoring our troops and I stated I love to honor our troops but that is not fully what my opinion of the american flag is. I have never been okay with it but sort of shoved down because I can somewhat just ignore it. We had discussion about statues being removed specifically the statues of Robert E. Lee, the confederate army leader, and i believed his statue is fine to be taken down because he was simply racist whereas he feels like it is apart of history and it should stay up, this same argument went for Dr. J Marion Sims. Another situation is I have always felt like I am begging him to just do things without me having to ask. This has been a big constituent for me as I get frustrated having to say things repeatedly and it makes me feel like someone does not truly understand me. Same thing goes for gift giving, I have always went above and beyond for gifts to let him know i care, and understand what he wants. I have never needed a list of items to go off of and this is truly how I show my love language.
For my birthdays or christmas, I usually recieve one item after explicitly telling him what I want and or giving him an option between two items.I express many time I LOVE getting flowers as it is a way I feel like someone cares about me as well and he will get them every know and then but only when im upset about something or I bring it up to him that I havent gotten them in a long time. Valentines day as well, it is so small but forcing your boyfriend to ask you to be his valentine is not sexy or hot and BEGGING for him to get you just something especially being long distance at that time was not the best feeling. I have been left feeling disappointed pretty frequently through this relationship. I have been thinking about the future and in terms of children and have asked him multiple times. “ Can you live without children or is it a non-negotiable?” He typically answers with I dont konw, thus telling me all I need to know that he can not live without them. I have never wanted children and I do not see them in my future , I love beieng an aunt and being a dog mom but children have never been on my mind or in my future really. I would only be having kids for him honestly. I do believe I have an issue of control when it comes to him doing things. I can never truly trust that things get done the right way if he is doing it. When it comes to my dog I always feel like he will go the cheapest route even if it does not work for the long term. In the beginning of the relationship I was making more money so I would pay for things I have bought him tickets to a college football game that cost $900, I drove the whole to the game , bought the place we stayed and drove back. I bought tickets to another game which was $800 , and the same thing , he paid for my whataburger so there is that. And I took him to Disney/Universal, My mom paid for his flight to Orlando, I paid for half of his disney ticket and paid for his halloween horror night ticket. I understand this was all my decisons but i guess I expected him to step up and help me out more. He is the one now making more money specifically since I moved away and now paying for half of the rent and also only making around $15 an hour. He does pay for our groceries just because this is only fair as I am left with about $100 after paying for everything. Our deal was if one of us cooks then the other cleans and does the dishes. Well I have stuck to this deal expect one night because we were watching a show and time passed me and before I knew it, I had to get ready for work the next morning. This night he was frustated about it and did not want any of the dishes to sit in the since so I did the dishes and did not get into bed till about 11;30 that night. Well when I cooked dinner and catered to him without him asking, the dishes sat in the sink until it was just about bed time. I asked if he was going to do the dishes as it was his night and he said “ I will get them in the morning”. So I went ahead and did them because I did not want them to sit in the sink. The same thing happened the other night but this time his argument was that he bought the groceries so the least I could do was wash the dishes. I am a high enthustaist of reality tv and I understand it is not for everyone but that does not give you the right to just simply think you are better than everyone on the show. Everytime I turn on one of my shows , it is immediate faces and also him just constantly bashing the women on the shows for their looks and how they do not look natural. He gets upset with me everytime he asks me to go the gym and I simply do not want to some days and other days I am totally up for it. I have PCOS so it does not help being pushed to do something rather than me having my own motivation to go and also hearing you need to go to the gym is not the best thing mentally for me because it can be taken many ways to me. Last example of my frustation is over the past weekend, we attended my sisters baby shower and I was a big part in planning it, I havent seen my family in a while so I was super excited to see and hang out with anyone. We had planned to go to his parents the next day which was fine and I was the one who planned it that way. What came up DURING the baby shower was that we NEEDED to RUSH out of the shower and my sisters home to eat with his family. When I say rush like he was grabbing everything that we forget multiple things and my mom asked me if everything was okay because she could see the clear disdain on my face. He is loving guy and truly is not mean, he does take care of me like cooking for me all the time.

I (20F) work with some friends at a factory. One male coworker who has a girlfriend we all hangout together and it’s never been weird. Lately he’s been joking around like normal but then grabbing me by my shirt and pulling me where there’s no cameras. He’ll grab me by my waist and pick me up from behind. Today he did it again and kind of pushed my body so it rubbed against his when he was putting me down. He came into where I work and said not to tell anyone he’s been doing it and letting em know he’d lie. There’s no cameras in my office where I work. He’s way older than me and a supervisor. I’ve been thinking of how to bring it up to her but I know how she’d react, saying that’s just how he is and ask if I’m being a little dramatic. That’s what she always does when I say anything. So AIO?

Hello, so here we are. My gf (20) has an ex from this summer. They were together for more less a year, most of the relation was long distance. I will leave next year for my master degree and I kind of scared.

Recently she told me that she kept pic of her ex in snap memories but not in picture, she told me that she deleted everything. The thing is that i know for a fact that she kept the pic in the hidden album. I fell bad because i feel like she is lying to me but at the same time I want to belive that im not in a rebound relationship.

Iam overthinking ?

Hi

I've 21M been dating my bf 24M for two years.

At the beginning of the relationship, when talking about what we would like to try, he said he would like a threesome. It didn't go beyond that conversation because I never had any interest or even thought about it. From time to time he made some lil jokes about it but thats all.

Recently our relationship has changed, and for the better i hope, because I was finally able to tell him about the sexual abuse I suffered when I was younger. He has been incredible, understanding and caring, and now understands my triggers in intimacy.

But now i have been thinking that he's probably always thought about the 3some and maybe he thinks there is no chance of it anymore. I don't want this to be a frustration for him, and I'm thinking that maybe I should give it a try and maybe it would be good for the relationship. On the other hand, I'm very nervous and afraid of it. I feel that whichever path we take, the relationship will suffer.

I feel like if ask him now about it, he might tell he is not interested anymore (because of what i shared with him) but i sense that it might be a white lie.

i Am i overthinking this?

TL;DR: i know my bf wants a 3some but i think it would be too much for me, but i want the relationship to endure.

AIO

To give you a little context into the friendship, we became enemies to quick friends back in high school and we bonded over our mutual mischievous nature. We lost contact in the middle post 10th grade (moved to diff schools) and ended up reconnecting after 2/3 years and remained good friends.

She is now in the very early stage of all the nuptials, yesterday so happened to be the pre engagement bash (we are Indians and an engagement is a family ceremony with specific rituals etc) so they held this one specifically for friends a week before the actual engagement.

I have been on the fashion journey with her including a whole dress saga, which she asked for suggestions and ended up going with a local tailor who screwed up so bad that she called me crying on Saturday, when I had planned to go out but I cancelled to help her, mind you, without a single ounce of gratitude my way. The day of, she ends up going to the very store I had been telling her about from the beginning to find a new dress 🙊.

(I am very into fashion and lifestyle, it’s not new for people to ask for my help, but never this thankless)

Now comes the part where it all went to hell. She asked to borrow any earrings that would go with her dress, as she did not want to spend on more things which I could understand and offered up options. I own a lot of fashion jewellery (well again, a fashion girly) which are not exactly cheap either, they are all authentic Swarovski bought at different times and from multiple collections. Everything went well, and I ended up passing out earlier than expected. Next day I see her pacing around looking for a pouch, so I jump in to help her, she only tells me there was a gold ring at least 5g in weight and frantically continued to look for it. She called another friend who had left and started to describe the pouch and its contents, in the middle of it, I hear her say “there were also earrings, with stones, not REAL at all, not important” which made my spidey senses tingle and I asked her to which she said that yes they were earrings.

Well, I come from a family where I was taught that if you borrow something from someone, it’s is the most valuable as it does not belong to you. For her to call “not REAL” as in not real “precious metals” was extremely unnecessary but I let that go.

Miraculously we end up finding the pouch stored in a locked compartment of their car, all the things and my earrings intact but her ring still gone. I was glad, immediately breathe a sigh of relief as this pair is not available anymore and they happen to be one of my favourites! We try and move on to leave.

Up until this moment I was still willing to let it all go and move on. We start up the cars, I was with the main couple in the car and she started to talk about the ring with her fiancé to be again, and then mentions while laughing, “and she was here worried about her earrings, which are not even that big of a deal” which is when I lost it, I said “it might not be much to you but it is to me and it’s not available anywhere to buy anymore”, she says “I understand but if it were lost it wouldn’t be as big of a deal, I’d say sorry and we can move on”.

Yes, still no apologies in sight. And this is where I wonder if I can ever be friends with someone so insensitive, callous and straight up RUDE. Her actual engagement is next week, I will not be confronting her regarding how she made me feel until that has passed, because some of us have compassion. I don’t know how to move forward with her if she comes back with something much more further insensitive and doubling down on her unbelievable behaviour. I look for advice on what to do? What else to do?

So I was invited to a bday party and I accidentally missed it because there was a lot of things going on during the past few weeks which stressed me out so much it slipped my mind last minute and I misread the date. I feel extremely guilty about this, i had picked out a gift for my friend the week before so i did want to go and agreed to go, i apologized cause its a genuine accident, but the thing I’m paranoid about is how none of my friends reached out to me during the 6hr party about when I would be there or am I canceling or what’s my status. My friend msged me about this public event I hosted that was supposed to end before the party started (that I literally cannot cancel) but never mentioned the party even tho they are at it and I’m missing?????

The only reason I found out that I even missed the party is because I saw an acquaintance posting about it in another group chat I am in with like 20 people, but all my friends who were invited including the friend who was hosting. Do they not want me there or something or is my presence so low they don’t even realize I was missing??? I didn’t even send a text telling them I can’t go or can’t make it or anything so I don’t know why no one reached out or asked for a status check…

TLDR: I missed a friend’s bday party due to circumstance unannounced. No one asked for a status check even tho I am friends with more than half of the ppl at the party.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months and I’m starting to feel weird about the fact that we don’t really have anything that feels like “our thing” anymore.

At first we had sushi Wednesdays where we’d go get sushi together every week and it felt special because it was just us. Then eventually he started bringing his friends and now he mostly goes without me.

Recently we were both super excited for Subnautica 2 because we both fully played the first game and I thought it would finally be something we could experience together for the first time. I hadn’t bought it yet because I didn’t have the money right away, but I bought it last night and then he told me he already started a whole world with his friend who never even played the first game. So I kinda just kept my buying it a secret.

And honestly I know this sounds dumb because it’s “just a game” but I’m kind of hurt? I was really excited to discover everything together equally, but now it feels like I’m just going to be trailing behind while he already knows everything. I also kind of hate playing games with people who already know all the mechanics because I start feeling stupid trying to figure things out while they sit there already knowing everything.

I’m not mad that he has friends or plays games with them. Infact he plays with them all of time, even when I’m there, he’ll hang up on call with me, or stop texting me just to play them. I just feel like every time something starts becoming “our thing,” it eventually becomes something he shares with everyone else too. And now I’m realizing we don’t really have anything special that’s just ours outside of sex and sleeping together.

Am I overreacting for being upset about this?