r/AmIOverthinking

AIO?

TLDR: Girlfriend said something about police when she was at a festival and on drugs, and after I insisted on learning what happened with the police she said she saw the hottest guy ever that was a sargent and went on about him. She had avoided talking about it avoided it because we had a simmilar spat before because she said something very akin to that abiut another guy. This had hurt me alot and it still lives in my mind. Am I overthinking this and being too insecure?

A while ago my (19M) girlfriend (19F) went to a local festival that happens yearly. I was out of town, sending off my brother who was travelling overseas and was too overwhelmed to come with her to the festival. After the festival I messaged her how it went and she told me she had a good time and that I wouldn't have enjoyed the music because they mostly had country bands and she knows I don't like it. I am also not the type of person to like parties and large events in general since I am fairly socially akward. She also mentioned that she had been on some drugs during the event which made me worried because I didn't know if there was somebody else there that she went with just to make sure she didn't get in trouble and was safe. So upon her saying "Speaking of police..." and then following that with "nermind" I got very worried.

In the past there was one time where she said she mention she saw "the cutest guy at dairy queen" to which I felt insecure and didn't handle the best and I crumbled a bit inside. I told her I felt insecure and when we were arguing about it after I backed out on it and told her not to worry/care about me and that I'll be fine since I felt like I was worrying too much. I later told her that it still hurt randomly because, well, it did and it was really sitting in the back of my mind like an infestation.

Jump back to the moment where she told me "Speaking of Police..." and the, "nevermind" I immediately tried probing her for the information. I only got more worried after she said "No, you'll get mad?." At this point in time I had no idea what she meant and I thought she got in trouble with the police and that something bad happened. When she finally relented and said "Fine" because I had absolutely no idea what she meant she said that there was this sargent at the festival. He apparently was the hottest guy she had ever seen and was "seriously, no joke, drop dead gorgeous," and "super expressive" and also got laughed at for staring at him by a person at a concession stand. This just caused another argument and made me feel even worse about myself. I was so torn up and it had felt like there was a tornado of emotion inside of me, tearing through me because I had way too many conflicting and confused thoughts when I am the type of person to try and be person to march to the beat of my own drum, be my own authentic self, to try and be relaxed and chill in most situations and be put together. At the same time I've always been insecure about myself with almost every single part of me, my biggest fear being that I would never be good enough for another person. After I insisted that I got over it and I would be fine to try and escape that moment and find the next chance to curl up into a ball, she said she did not believe me and worried that I would bring it up again randomly like last time and that I would ruin the perfectly good mood. I left it there and have never brought it up again. However it still lives with me and has shut down any feelings of self confidence I have had even though she still occasionally compliments my looks when I send her photos on snapchat. Along with this and other instances of me being a bad partner or at least a worse partner than her ex I just feel bad about myself in general, toatally and completely terrible.

Am I just being way too insecure about myself and it doesn't really matter in the end because I am overthinking it?

Sorry for the long rant in advance. I reposted with correct structure.
So, I’ve been in a relationship for several years now. Last year, I found out that my partner had made a friend online—we’ll call him “Bob.”
My partner would only message Bob when I wasn’t home. I worked a lot at the time, so that made sense to me. However, he never seemed to message him when I was around.
A few times, I had picked up my partner’s iPad to use it, and I would occasionally see messages from Bob commenting on my partner’s appearance. He would say things like, “I wish I had a boyfriend who was as handsome as you,” or “If I dated a guy in the future, I’d want them to be like you.”
Seeing this type of messaging repeatedly made me uncomfortable. I didn’t bring it up at first because I didn’t want it to seem like I was intentionally snooping or going through my partner’s things. But we both leave our phones and iPads everywhere, and it’s not unusual for either of us to pick up the other person’s device. Sometimes he’ll bring me my phone if I’m getting a call, or let me know I have a notification, and vice versa.
One time, I was using his iPad to look up cheats for a game (I’m a nerd), and a message from Bob came through. It said that he understood how my partner felt about his ex. I clicked on it because I didn’t realize I had become a topic of their conversations.
That’s when I started seeing more of what was going on.
Bob knew that my partner wasn’t single, yet he was sending him videos about how to identify narcissistic traits in a partner, videos about how to get away from “toxic people,” and similar content. I honestly lost it at that point.
For one, I’m not that kind of person. And almost every time Bob would send something like that, it would be followed by a comment along the lines of, “If I were your man, I wouldn’t do that to you,” or “I wouldn’t make you feel that way.”
At that point, I decided it was time for us to have a conversation because I felt like things were getting out of hand.
During the conversation, my partner obviously became upset. I explained how the situation made me feel and why I was uncomfortable. I told him that it bothered me that a stranger who didn’t know me—and barely knew him—was sending him videos about how to identify a narcissist or a toxic person in a relationship.
It also felt like Bob was trying to convince my partner that I was a bad partner and that he would be a better option. To me, it felt like he was trying to groom my partner into seeing him as the “right” person because he was clearly interested in him.
My partner reassured me that they were just friends and that it wasn’t like that. He explained that because I worked so much, it was good for him to have someone to talk to.
I told him, “Fine. Go ahead and keep talking to him if you need someone to talk to, but I need you to respect my boundary.”
I explained that I wasn’t comfortable with Bob sending flirtatious messages about how attractive my partner was, especially when combined with all of the videos and comments about toxic relationships and narcissism. I also told him that Bob wasn’t a therapist, and it made me uncomfortable that he was essentially trying to diagnose our relationship from the outside.
My partner agreed that he would talk to him about it, and that was that.
Months went by.
Then, one day, I was using my partner’s iPad again, and a message came through from Bob that said something along the lines of, “Delete this or [BLANK] will get mad.”
That immediately caught my attention, so I clicked on it.
The conversation was Bob telling my partner a sexual story, followed by a discussion about his own sexual experiences. Eventually, the conversation shifted into Bob asking my partner about his sexual preferences, including what positions he liked—and my partner was asking him similar questions in return.
That was the point where I completely blew up.
I asked my partner to remove Bob as a friend because, to me, this was a boundary they should not have been crossing. The fact that Bob was also telling my partner to delete the messages so that I wouldn’t see them made the entire situation even worse.
Am I wrong here, or am I overthinking this?
The second part
A year later, after I had confronted both of them about the inappropriate messages and conversations, I asked my partner to remove Bob from his social media.
As far as I know, they no longer talk, text, or have any actual conversations. However, Bob still sends my partner videos every other day.
My partner hasn’t blocked him, and even though he doesn’t respond, I don’t understand why he continues allowing this person to have access to him and send him videos, memes, and other content.
At this point, I’m struggling with how I’m supposed to feel about it.
Am I overreacting? Am I overthinking this? Or is it reasonable for me to still feel uncomfortable given everything that happened between them?

My birthday was last week, no one told me happy birthday or acknowledged it, so I told myself it was not a big deal, next thing I know someone else's birthday was today and everyone wished her happy birthday and then the thoughts started to flow in, I tried giving them the benefit of the doubt maybe they didn't wish me a happy birthday because Im a guy or they don't celebrate birthdays due to religion.

What bothering me more is the fact another friends birthday is in 2 days and I dont know if anyone would wish him happy birthday.

I know its stupid but I have had a suspicion for a long time maybe my friends dont care about me AIO?

I’m having an argument with my boyfriend and I genuinely want an outside perspective because I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive.

My boyfriend commented on another girl’s Instagram post. He first said:

“It’s a crime to be this pretty, you know that right? 💀”

The girl replied:

“Am I a criminal? 🙄”

Then my boyfriend replied:

“Absolutely! It’s dangerous to have eyes this pretty.”

He also commented “Holy molyyy ❤️🔥” on a revealing photo of other girl.

I understand that people can compliment their friends or acquaintances on social media, and I’m not saying that complimenting another woman automatically means cheating.

But to me, the wording feels more flirtatious than a normal “nice picture” or “you look pretty” comment. The fact that he continued the playful exchange after she replied also makes me uncomfortable.

My boyfriend thinks this is completely normal and says I’m making a big deal out of nothing.

So I want an unbiased opinion:

Do these comments seem like normal friendly compliments, or do they cross a relationship boundary and come across as flirting?

Would you consider this inappropriate if your partner did the same thing?

I’m specifically asking about the comments themselves, not whether this proves he is cheating, because I know there isn’t enough information to conclude that.

Every month I put a quarter of my paycheck into the credit union a portion in shares and a portion in savings, over the course of a month I sometimes have no choice but to take out some money incase of an emergency.

Last week and yesterday I withdrew some cash and i'm looking to withdraw my last portion tomorrow for another emergency. My problem is I am worried that my next visit to the credit union would raise some red flags or eyebrows as it would not look good, AIO?

Also my credit union doesn't have any established ATMs so I have to visit the branch.

TLDR: Need to pay another visit to my credit union but im worried it will lead to an issue

I’m looking for some outside opinions because I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this.

My boyfriend often jokes that he wants to break my jaw or that he wants to hurt me. (I’m in a process of getting jaw surgery)
He also sometimes says that he wants to hurt someone else. He says it as a joke, but it happens quite often.

He also pinches me quite often, even though he knows it hurts me. I’ve told him that it hurts, but he still does it.
I know some couples joke around and tease each other, but these comments and the fact that he intentionally hurts me make me uncomfortable.

Would you consider this normal/harmless joking, or is this something I should take seriously? I’d really appreciate some honest advice.

tldr : my dad is acting very strangly staying a lot at my mountain cabin out of the blue and i am thinking the worst
so essentialy two days ago my mom asked me if i wanted to go in our house in the mountain i dont really like going there in my life i never enjoyed going there as a kid there weren't other kids and there was nothing i could do so i would get bored as a teen my dad forced me to go there and helped him do rennovations that to this day aren't done and now that i just graduated and starting university he sometimes asks me if i want to go there but i allways say no and i became like a joke so when my mom asked me if i wanted to go there and she would give me 20 euros if i helped paint since my dad was allways complaing about how hard it is to work in the heat with bugs and limited internet so i agreed she told me this at night and in the mornig she didint tell my dad yet at around 5 am i woke up and saw my dad so i told him i was going with him that day since one of every other day he went in the morning and came back at night and two days ago when i told him i was coming with him but i litteraly said these words "but mom knows what it takes" and my dad is very controlling and he is a very violent person this one time me and my mom where talking about getting my license and we were whispering because my dad wasent really ok with it but my mom was paying everything and he hear us whispering he came in the room and asked us what we were talking about we told him nothing and he asked again a few more times and we replyed with "nothing" and after a while e picked up one of the chairs my mom makes as a wood working hobbie he picked up the chair and he was saying that he was going to smash it (when i was little the had a similar disagrement and i dont know what it was about but there he actually smashed the chair) but when i told him this mysterios condition my mom told me to shut up i know my dad heard her and he heard me but he was like lost in thought so i went back in my room and i was waiting for my dad to come call me to go since he didnt really say anything about it i waited untill 6 am then i went out of my room and my mom told me he went alone and about yester day night he called and said he will sleep there and tonight he said the same thing i am overthinking the worst possible scenario but there isint an explenation and i cant really call him since to call he has to go in town so he can essentyally only call us if he really did what i think he did that would be the best place i mean at night there are bores everywere they make hole in te gound and eat everything plus ther is nothing there and the terrain is very slanted if someone would want to go there i would be incredibly hard but i want to be realistic and i dont think its helping the fact that i am looking at a lot of true crime so tell me AIO and can you give me a possible explenation

I F18 have recently been worried about my boyfriend M19 going on an exchange trip to Japan. The university he is attending is offering him a two week exchange to Japan because of his good grades, then the exchange student will be able to stay in his house for two weeks. He’s always spoken about how much he loves Japan and the culture and anime (he’s never been before) and was super excited about the idea of being able to go there for two weeks for free. The problem is, he has also expressed that he has a type for Japanese girls in the past, which bothered me as I am white personally. However, he said just because you aren’t someone’s exact type doesn’t mean you can’t find them attractive, which I understood and agreed with. The problem is also that when I asked him if he could possibly request to stay with a male student, he said he “couldn’t ask that” and “just has to be grateful for the opportunity.” I’m not against him going to Japan, I’m against him staying so far away with another girl (50/50 chance) for two weeks who he will most likely be attracted to as she fits his “type”. We have spoken before about how we’ll travel to Japan together after university, so this is all kind of upsetting me because I’m not trying to stop his dream I’m just trying to set boundaries.I tried talking to him about it and he just sighed and said he “didn’t want it to be a big thing”. AIO??

Just had my birthday yesterday. I don’t usually throw grand parties or go drinking for the night.

I was expecting my girlfriend that she would atleast call or atleast text me that night. I got wishes from the most unexpected people. But the most important one never happened. She did eventually texted me in the morning after seeing my insta story and that’s all. It was never a chase of validation for me to get a lot of stories or wishes, I just wanted to share that moment with her.

I get it she is busy and she has a full-time job but was I expecting too much? I have seen her reddit she is actively replying to strangers which has questionable stuff sometimes. I have seen her talking to other guys in her Insta DMs.

So am I cooked? I am 96% sure, I am.

Hello, I really hope you're all doing well! I feel not smart at all and it's making me insecure, feel like I can't get things right. It sounds very silly but was on a date and couldn't lower or move up the car seat, I didn't know how to and feel like it's such a turn off. There's other stuff but it's the little things like that which make me feel useless and not bright, I feel bad saying that because everyone is good at something (including me) but can't help but feel like I'm the opposite of smart.

There is a road near our office which is fully covered with tree shade. Since it’s rainy season and today it wasn’t raining but was cloudy, the weather was really pleasant to walk around. One end of this road has our office entrance, so it’s usually very less crowded. On the other end there is another office entrance and just in front of it there is a food court, so that side is usually crowded.

Going for a post lunch walk with friends is kind of our daily office ritual. So today me and my friend went for a walk.

While we were walking, two girls from the other office came from the opposite side. I had eye contact with one of them for a second. She was really cute and she was wearing a short kurti which made her look even more cute.

Anyway, they also started walking on the same road and when they reached the quiet end, they stopped there and were standing.

Now this is the part I’m not sure about, so maybe I’m just overthinking this.

When we were about to cross them, I felt like she was trying to come and talk to us, or maybe she was giving some hint for us to go and talk to her. I genuinely don’t know if that was actually happening or if I just interpreted it that way because I found her cute.

But me and my friend, we are both introverts, so obviously we did absolutely nothing and just continued walking. 😭

The interesting part is that they waited there until we completed another round.

Then when we were almost about to reach them again, two groups came out from our office. Maybe they felt uncomfortable because suddenly there were more people around, I don't know, but they started walking towards their office.

And they were walking REALLY slowly.

By the time they reached the gate of their office, we had crossed paths two times because they were walking that slowly.

Then they went inside their office.

And when I was leaving, I kind of peeked inside and she turned back at the same time.

Eye contact again.

Now I’m genuinely confused 😂

Did I just mess up my chance because I was too scared to go and talk?

If I see her again tomorrow, should I actually go and talk to her?

Or am I just procrastinating and creating a whole situation in my head from two eye contacts and a girl standing on a road? 😭

What do you guys think? Was she actually giving some hint, or am I reading way too much into it?

TLDR: Saw a cute girl from another office during my post-lunch walk. I felt like she might’ve been hinting for us to talk, but me and my introvert friend did nothing. 😭 We had eye contact again later, so now I’m wondering—did I miss my chance, and should I talk to her tomorrow?

so me (16F) have been in a relationship with my bf (17M) for over 9 months now and in the beginning of the relationship he usually came over to my house but lately i have been spending more time with his family (mostly his mom since his dad works abroad) and his older sister. i have noticed that both him and his sister often hug and just are affectionate towards their mom which isn't that unusual however when we went to the lake he kinda gave me the ick when he was begging his mom to put on sunscreen on him like on the face and body everywhere and it was kinda weird he acted like a baby like he couldn't do it himself and it was uncomfortable for me but i kinda just brushed it off. after we came back from swimming in the lake his mom had a pillow between her legs because she was reading a book and he laid down on the pillow and i was laying alone. he constantly picks on her as a joke and hugs her and you can see he loves his mom very much. when i started feeling uncomfortable i went to sit on a hammock further away and just sat by myself because i knew i was just overreacting but it keeps sitting in the back of my mind. just for context in my family we rarely hug like only when one of us is going away for a few days and even then it is weird and neither of my parents are very affectionate even between them so i think thats why i feel that way but i just wanted some insight. i just feel left out because im his girlfriend but he keeps cuddling up to his mom and i know thats his MOM but if im next to him i feel like he should be cuddling with me. i tried talking to him in a very respectful and calm way and just told him how i feel but assuring him i don't want him to change his relationship with his mom but only to get some reassurance and so i don't build up any resentment however it changed into a fight and he immediately responded with a message saying he wont ever change how he acts with his mom that it isn't negotiable and that im weird for even having a problem with it even though in my long message i explained that i don't know how a sons relationship should look like with his mother and i don't have a problem just that it rubbed me the wrong way. should i be worried or is it just my problem because of how i was raised?

edit: we talked it out one more time and everything is fine now. he told me by himself that he will respect my boundaries and won't act the way he did in the sunscreen situation. i assured him that i dont want to change his rls with his mom and that its not my business but he can always count on me and should remember that when im with him he can also ask me for anything. i do think i overreacted but my feelings are also valid and im glad we resolved it. thanks to everyone in the comments it was also very helpful

I’m going on a second date this week with this girl. She texted me today to confirm. I checked Hinge app and see that her profile is no longer there. Was I unmatched? How to tell the difference between unmatched and deleted account? Should I ask her about it on our second date?

Hey guys I’m in a very healthy relationship with a girl that i love so much the girl that i really think we can marry and be together our entire lifes but I think overreact and overthink speaks before I did I have a friend and my girl asked today if he comes and asked like 5 times when he will be here even tho she didnt even did anything with him the whole day I still texted her and told her about this and she understands and we are cool now but I feel like i did messed up and maybe get her to think about me more bad cuz I’m a stupid overthinker

I can't tell if it's because I've been missing some of my mood stabilizer doses, but I keep going back and forth if my boyfriend actually likes me. (28F) and (34M).

He does have autism and isn't an emotional person. He has a routine for everything and anything. He is also very career focused and it seems thats where he puts all his mental and physical energy into. He is currently working full time, studying for EA exams, and is looking into doing his part time job again.

Basically my needs aren't being met. We only see each other once a week, he rarely compliments me, we haven't done intimate things in over a month(tbf i did move back in with my parents and we have little privacy now), he doesn't initiate touch(only gives me a peck for a greeting and a goodbye), I can't call him when I want to(we do call at least 3 to 4 times a week for usually an hour or more), he plans all the dates and we never do things I want to do, and when I bring up the future, such as eventually moving in together and what I envision it being like, it is so unreciprocated it seems. All he says is "yeah, that sounds nice" or "lets take it a day at a time." He also never met my dogs(he is scared of dogs and I do respect his feelings, but I guess it makes me a little sad). He also doesn't pay for me often and we split the bill a lot.

We have been together for nearly 2 years. When he talks about the future and how he'll eventually have his loans paid off and the career is working towards, I seem to not be in his vision. He never mentions me. I do plan on talking to him about it, but I feel like I'd probably start crying when I talk to him about it.

When I brought up the lack of intimacy and how I feel he doesn't find me desirable he said something along the lines of "I wouldn't be with you or talking to you if I didn't find you desirable".

I do like him a lot. I find him to be admirable, inspiring, and I feel so much affection for him. I feel I still have a lot more to learn from this relationship and him. But I don't feel he is as invested as I am.

I have told him I am looking for marriage and that is my end goal with our relationship. But these things just never get better even when we talk about it.

He also doesn't see me for holidays or birthdays. His bday just passed and all we did was call. But idk is it a brat thing to be sad about that? Like I really don't think I'm important to him.

And he never relies on me. He just had some dental work done, but when I asked if he'd like me to give him a ride he says no. He also doesn't want me paying for him. He never calls or texts me when to vent or anything.

I know I have to talk to him about all this, but I also think I may be overthinking a bit and it's making me really sad. I feel like I compromise on everything and he rarely makes sacrifices for me(he has done it on occasion though).

Part of me wants to cancel our plans this weekend and just do my own thing and limit how much I talk to him, but I really don't want to do that because I really enjoy talking and spending time with him. I just wish I could feel loved in our relationship.

On the upside though, he listens and remembers details. He always encourages me to do things he thinks would benefit me.

For context,

I went on a trip with my Mom, Sister, Two nieces of mine (over age) and my stepdad/stepbrother.

The trip we went to was a family event in Texas.

For the most part everything went well. The night of the party is what changed

My niece and my bf were the most tipsy, I did notice they both went to the their rooms around the same time. (Could me coincidence, I’ll never know) my mom noticed it too.

We all sat at a round table with four chairs. He basically sat inbetween me and her.

He was honestly being a bit rude to me for not wanting to keep drinking, whatever I took it.

THEEEEEEEN

my souls literally told me to look under the table and both of her feet were on top of his.

she noticed when I look and I saw her internally freak out.

My beef at the end of the day is not with her. She is younger than us and in my opinion she’s dumb and was looking for attentions and unfortunately it turned out to be my man. I don’t think she’s like in love but after this I know she’s at least attracted to him.

I basically confronted him and that whole night he was fighting bad with me. I let it go mowing he was drunk.

We’ve spoken about it and he says he simply didn’t notice or realize that it happened. He says he loves me and it wasn’t his intention but it’s hard for me to understand this answer.

Please tell me the truth

Could this have been a mistake?

Heyy- using a throwaway for this.

I (F) had been recently seeing a guy and we had gone on few dates with another to be planned (mutual confirmation we both wanted a 4th but after a week/ 2 weeks as we were both busy). We had been intimate together and I had slept over at his place.

I noticed a bit of a change a few days after our last date, where he was taking a lot longer to respond and was less communicative but he was sick so i chalked it up to that. However, he then sent me a few drunk/ tipsy messages divulging that a close family member of his likely has a serious illness, and that he is scared. He has been a carer for said family member before and it appears this illness may be returning). It sounded awful and I felt a lot of empathy for him to the point where I actually teared up!

Anyway, I replied to his messages and tried not to just give sympathy but rather a shoulder to lean on etc. I don’t think it was too strong or anything, I just told him ppl process things differently and I’m okay with him taking space or me being a listening ear etc. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed as he was clearly intoxicated when he sent the messages but i read them the next day. He read my response immediately when i sent it but didn’t reply. This was on Friday and now it’s the following Tuesday, still no response.

I was on a girls trip from Friday - Monday which he knew about so initially I thought it was that but now that I’m back I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted? I texted him yesterday just to let him know I got home from the trip and to ask how he was and still no response.

I’m really upset about it as I did really like this guy and saw something long term, he was also talking future tense with me and had been super communicative to this point so it makes me wonder if he’s just overwhelmed with what’s happening with his family?

Should I be upset and see this as ghosting or is it likely due to being overwhelmed? How long should I wait for him to reply and if he does- how can I best support him during this difficult time?

Would love any tips- I know we hadn’t known each other long but man, he was a great guy :/

Soooo... long story short I am possibly having issues in my marriage, I need to explain the backstory before I go ahead and get to the possible overreaction. My husband and I got married a little over a year ago, and I absolutely adore him. We had a baby, and when I was pregnant he left for the Marine Corps. He was supposed to be gone for three months and unfortunately that turned into like 8 months. He ended up graduating and coming home for a total of 18 days in the past year. He is still finishing school for his mos. That's where we get into the odd behaviors, so he ended up getting sent to Florida and he finally got his phone back. Yay!!! Right?! No. So I assumed when he got access to communicating with me we'd call and chat almost every day. That wasn't the case, he started prioritizing things like the bar, his buddies, the video games. He would go out to bars get shitfaced and not respond to me for hours at a time. I started to get upset that he wasn't using his free time to at least communicate, ya know at least keep me in the loop. I'm not a fan of his drinking we'll get there later on. So I bring it up to him that he's lacking in communication and he gets defensive about it. His behavior ended up making me feel pretty insecure, he was blackout drunk with woman and he would stay stupid things about how the dudes told him about how much hotter the girls are in Florida. This is when it started. I asked him if he thought that was true, and he say idk maybe if I was into blondes. Okay fine that was a one off. Then I start searching through his things because he continues to disregard my boundaries, and still is partying and going out with little to no communication. Now one night he told me he was going to a graduation party for one of his buddies, and so I didn't really think too much he told me his buddies family was going to come out and they were going to an airbnb. So this weekend it turns out there's no parents or anything apparently just his sister or something. Well he decides to stay the night, with his buddies drinking partying and girls are also spending the night. Now some people may be cool with that, but we had clear boundaries of what wasn't okay and that quite pissed me off. He tried being defensive about that too, but he ended up apologizing. I told him that I would have never been able to get away with it if the roles were reversed, and that he wouldn't do that if he was home so he shouldn't be doing that just cause he's in Florida. Okay disrespectful yes, but he took accountability there. Now these next things are where I really start to flip the fuck out and start tweaking out tbh. So he changed his insta password (I had his email on his laptop at home and I could see the notification) I ended up logging in somehow and I found a girl that he had followed and followed him back, I saw that he liked her photo, and get this!!!! He had removed my name from his bio. Yeah what does that look like? Like he was presenting himself as a single man. I was very devastated by this, his explanation was pretty fucking full of shit imo. He told me oh she was just supposed to send pics of homework (they had class together) and that he accidentally liked her picture. His reason for changing his password was that his phone made him... k. Then he said he has removed my name from his bio whenever I had removed some pics of him. (Which I put right back, told him, and agreed that was petty behavior) but he didn't do it then. He lied, I saw my name was in his bio the day before it happened and his activity verified it. So now I'm really on edge. Now he's looking at his exes profiles, I call him out. He apologized. Then I found a message on his discord essentially trying to get nudes from another woman with the intention to jerk off. (This was a long time ago from the current situation, but still when we were together) Now he is very remorseful for this. This is cheating to me, and I did not appreciate his answer to it. Which was that he doesn't remember, and he must've been shitfaced. So now I'm overthinking every single thing he's been doing cause he spent most of Florida partying around women and getting blackout drunk. So if he can do that there's not much stopping him from doing that shit irl right??? Okay we sorta push through that. Then he looks up his exes AGAIN! And he blocks one of them. Which makes me suspicious as hell. So I called him out again he said he did it cause he was nervous that I'd message her. Okay why would that make you nervous if there was nothing to hide. Now I do personally message her and she tells me that he did in fact reach out, gave her his number and that she told him to respect his wife and family. I'm borderline done at this moment, I bring it up. He swears up and down that thats not true, that she hated him, that she mad he left her. Okay fuck, she didn't have tangible evidence so I did choose to believe him. So now he ends up getting angry with me because I kept looking through his stuff. Which idk I feel I have every right to after all that. He tells me this whole long story about how these women never complained when he was shitty to them, and that I only think about the negative. He didn't feel like I was his wife more like a thing that's attached to him who he's scared to talk to. He said his reasoning was to see if they were happier than me. (Still weird) and ya know I must be dumb cause now after all this shit he put me through I'm now putting my feelings aside so that I could also console him. Okay so it's been a while since that all happened he is now in Cali and he's not out and about like in Florida. He deleted his social media in an attempt to earn my trust apparently. Even though I believe it was so he could take away any means of me looking through his stuff. Plus he agreed that when he came home he would go to marriage counseling. I'm doing everything to work on my marriage on my end, and I'm trying to really focus on the good things that come. (Believe it or not there is a lot of good that's why I married him) So now there's just this one thing I'm currently struggling with and it's that I found a contact in his phone of a girl named Leah. Which he put into his phone on the 4th of July. When he was in Florida drinking and at a hotel. He has given me 3 different stories, but he sees it as he's had to tell me 3 separate ways. Idk. He said that he added her at the hotel when they were all 5 deep, and then he said he added her cause hers was the only one he didn't have. Idk this is where I'm maybe overthinking. I'm just constantly battling this feeling or thought that he cheated, or that he's hiding things that I haven't found. In the start of our relationship he would be looking through my shit and I never cared even when he would go through at nitpick shit he found. He also would always say I could go through his phone and that it was squeeky clean. I'm all over the place and the situation is too close to my face to tell if I should just give him grace or give him a serious ultimatum I plan on talking to him about this in therapy, which is great. I just feel like it will get better when he comes home, but he's gonna be deployed often and every time he goes at least at this point my stomach drops thinking about what he might do behind my back. Idk am I overreacting and overthinking it, or is this as serious as I'm acting like? (Also no I am not leaving my husband) but I do need advice on maybe how I should move forward.

TLDR: My friend invited my love interest over to her house, knowing I wouldn't be around.

I just moved back to my home town after years in another state, so I'm reconnecting with old friends from my high school years.

I'm talking to a guy I've had a romantic history with. I have a girlfriend who knows this information, but she has never met him - she has only seen pictures of him on social media. He has also only seen pictures of her and has mentioned that she was attractive, but this was years ago before we all reconnected.

She then told me she followed him on Instagram. Her pictures appear in my feed, and he is liking them.

He called me randomly the other day and told me he is on the way to her house because she invited him over to fix her car since he does mechanic work. He thinks I will also be invited there, but she already knew I was going to be visiting my family all week because I told her this that same morning. Her fiancé is at work, so they will be alone.

I told my friend how uncomfortable this made me, and she didn't see anything wrong with it because she thought I would just "trust that I wouldn't do anything more than that." AIO and should have just let him work on her car?

my boyfriend knew this girl since highschoool they didnt talk for years. We were together for a long time when we ran into her somewhere. He saw her one night out and got her number so he can do work on her house she moved into so he can make some money.

Now hes sneaking around hanging out with her. I saw him texting her n he said its about work. Then he started being sneaky with his phone n flipping it over and bringing it with him everywhere. Then he wasnt answering my calls some weekends. I live with him n was at home.

I got suspicious and asked him some questions n he must have thought i knew so he blurted out yes i did sleep there on her couch for a few hours. He told me I know the dudes she hangout with and they are there when they hungout. He said he slept on couch for a few hours n they had some drinks it was no big deal. I thought he was working at his shop all night. Now they are still talking.

I told him im not comfortable with it n he said he doesnt care shes like one of the dudes and he turns it on me that im being insecure and acting like a child. I caught him a few times since then. We talked about it. He told me he didnt want to tell me because he knew id get mad for no reason. We have been together for 12 years.

They talk all the time and its not work related always. Its just random stuff n asking if they want to hangout. He even invited her to the shop when she was with her friend for some drinks. I am not even invited there anymore.. he says hes too busy. Im so stressed n now we are having money issues and have to move out of our house n he is taking all his stress n anger out on me but goes n helps her for free sometimes n makes time to hangout with her when he is telling me he is working.

Now he told me he wants a break until he sees if he can get through these money issues and to go to my parents n he will figure out where he will go or stay at his shop? He said he will go to my parents sometimes to shower n wash clothes maybe but he has to figure stuff out or if he cant we cant move forward. So he said he is so stressed n I need to do this for now. He refuses to come to my parents. He said he doesnt want to bring all his stuff there. He doesnt even have alot of stuff. Thats an excuse. Even if he did, they have the room.

Then other days he tells me he is gonna talk to someone about a place for us. He is pulling me back n forth. It feels to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it to. Btw in the past he was on dating apps asking for discreet friends with benefits. He said he never met up with anyone. I talked to him n he is off those apps now. to me it seems like he could have possibly found another way to get what he wants discreetly.

He tells me they r just old friends n she has got her shit together n he likes hanging out with good people. He also went out n met up with her n others when I was out of town. He was there until the morning. I dont know what to do. I feel stupid. I always felt like I would always say bye but now that its actually happening to me I feel stuck n stupid.

I love him so much. This hurts. Can anybody give me advice? Should I have any reason to think they can just be old friends n hanging out? Also, I caught him alot hanging out with her and not telling me. I talked to him about that n it got nowhere. He just got mad n said im insecure and acting like a child. One time her daughter called him n asked if he could come fix something at their house.

He tells me he has to work on her house for money. He didnt even start it yet... he is going there n hanging out. One time he went 2 times in 1 day.. please be nice. I need advice on what to do. He hides his phone n flips it over now. He just acts different lately and since they started talking I feel like im getting the cold shoulder or he gets angry with me everytime I talk about anything. I know we have money issues and things are tough right now so I thought it was that at first but I dont think its just that now.

Can I be wrong? Idk.. but i need advice and thoughts. Again, please be nice. Im really going through a tough time over here and just feeling sad n drained n confused. This feels like so much is happening all at once. Thank you all.