My husband acting single
Soooo... long story short I am possibly having issues in my marriage, I need to explain the backstory before I go ahead and get to the possible overreaction. My husband and I got married a little over a year ago, and I absolutely adore him. We had a baby, and when I was pregnant he left for the Maine Corps. He was supposed to be gone for three months and unfortunately that turned into like 8 months. He ended up graduating and coming home for a total of 18 days in the past year. He is still finishing school for his mos. That's where we get into the odd behaviors, so he ended up getting sent to Florida and he finally got his phone back. Yay!!! Right?! No. So I assumed when he got access to communicating with me we'd call and chat almost every day. That wasn't the case, he started prioritizing things like the bar, his buddies, the video games. He would go out to bars get shitfaced and not respond to me for hours at a time. I started to get upset that he wasn't using his free time to at least communicate, ya know at least keep me in the loop. I'm not a fan of his drinking we'll get there later on. So I bring it up to him that he's lacking in communication and he gets defensive about it. His behavior ended up making me feel pretty insecure, he was blackout drunk with woman and he would stay stupid things about how the dudes told him about how much hotter the girls are in Florida. This is when it started. I asked him if he thought that was true, and he say idk maybe if I was into blondes. Okay fine that was a one off. Then I start searching through his things because he continues to disregard my boundaries, and still is partying and going out with little to no communication. Now one night he told me he was going to a graduation party for one of his buddies, and so I didn't really think too much he told me his buddies family was going to come out and they were going to an airbnb. So this weekend it turns out there's no parents or anything apparently just his sister or something. Well he decides to stay the night, with his buddies drinking partying and girls are also spending the night. Now some people may be cool with that, but we had clear boundaries of what wasn't okay and that quite pissed me off. He tried being defensive about that too, but he ended up apologizing. I told him that I would have never been able to get away with it if the roles were reversed, and that he wouldn't do that if he was home so he shouldn't be doing that just cause he's in Florida. Okay disrespectful yes, but he took accountability there. Now these next things are where I really start to flip the fuck out and start tweaking out tbh. So he changed his insta password (I had his email on his laptop at home and I could see the notification) I ended up logging in somehow and I found a girl that he had followed and followed him back, I saw that he liked her photo, and get this!!!! He had removed my name from his bio. Yeah what does that look like? Like he was presenting himself as a single man. I was very devastated by this, his explanation was pretty fucking full of shit imo. He told me oh she was just supposed to send pics of homework (they had class together) and that he accidentally liked her picture. His reason for changing his password was that his phone made him... k. Then he said he has removed my name from his bio whenever I had removed some pics of him. (Which I put right back, told him, and agreed that was petty behavior) but he didn't do it then. He lied, I saw my name was in his bio the day before it happened and his activity verified it. So now I'm really on edge. Now he's looking at his exes profiles, I call him out. He apologized. Then I found a message on his discord essentially trying to get nudes from another woman with the intention to jerk off. (This was a long time ago from the current situation, but still when we were together) Now he is very remorseful for this. This is cheating to me, and I did not appreciate his answer to it. Which was that he doesn't remember, and he must've been shitfaced. So now I'm overthinking every single thing he's been doing cause he spent most of Florida partying around women and getting blackout drunk. So if he can do that there's not much stopping him from doing that shit irl right??? Okay we sorta push through that. Then he looks up his exes AGAIN! And he blocks one of them. Which makes me suspicious as hell. So I called him out again he said he did it cause he was nervous that I'd message her. Okay why would that make you nervous if there was nothing to hide. Now I do personally message her and she tells me that he did in fact reach out, gave her his number and that she told him to respect his wife and family. I'm borderline done at this moment, I bring it up. He swears up and down that thats not true, that she hated him, that she mad he left her. Okay fuck, she didn't have tangible evidence so I did choose to believe him. So now he ends up getting angry with me because I kept looking through his stuff. Which idk I feel I have every right to after all that. He tells me this whole long story about how these women never complained when he was shitty to them, and that I only think about the negative. He didn't feel like I was his wife more like a thing that's attached to him who he's scared to talk to. He said his reasoning was to see if they were happier than me. (Still weird) and ya know I must be dumb cause now after all this shit he put me through I'm now putting my feelings aside so that I could also console him. Okay so it's been a while since that all happened he is now in Cali and he's not out and about like in Florida. He deleted his social media in an attempt to earn my trust apparently. Even though I believe it was so he could take away any means of me looking through his stuff. Plus he agreed that when he came home he would go to marriage counseling. I'm doing everything to work on my marriage on my end, and I'm trying to really focus on the good things that come. (Believe it or not there is a lot of good that's why I married him) So now there's just this one thing I'm currently struggling with and it's that I found a contact in his phone of a girl named Leah. Which he put into his phone on the 4th of July. When he was in Florida drinking and at a hotel. He has given me 3 different stories, but he sees it as he's had to tell me 3 separate ways. Idk. He said that he added her at the hotel when they were all 5 deep, and then he said he added her cause hers was the only one he didn't have. Idk this is where I'm maybe overthinking. I'm just constantly battling this feeling or thought that he cheated, or that he's hiding things that I haven't found. In the start of our relationship he would be looking through my shit and I never cared even when he would go through at nitpick shit he found. He also would always say I could go through his phone and that it was squeeky clean. I'm all over the place and the situation is too close to my face to tell if I should just give him grace or give him a serious ultimate. I plan on talking to him about this in therapy, which is great. I just feel like it will get better when he comes home, but he's gonna be deployed often and every time he goes at least at this point my stomach drops thinking about what he might do behind my back. Idk am I overreacting and overthinking it, or is this as serious as I'm acting like. (Also no I am not leaving my husband) but I do need advice on maybe how I should move forward.