r/emotionalaffair

Hook, line, and ghosted by a "prospective husband." I was trying to heal after losing the LOML when this guy entered my life for marriage purposes. He talked a big game, used me physically and emotionally, and we literally just spent a night talking until 5:00 AM. Then, he retreats back to his city and goes cold. I blocked him to save my sanity, and his total silence proves I meant nothing to him. It’s a different kind of cruel to fake a future with someone just to use them and discard them.

So I (33F), am in intense limerance with my LO. It's been nearly 2 years and limerance was almost instant. I'm happily married to my wife and the limerance with my LO (47M) started after the wedding. I met him in a semi professional capacity (he's a politician) and over the last 2 years we have become good friends. The limerance has worn off every now and then but always comes back. Its causing issues in my marriage. My wife has pointed out I talk about him all the time and knows I am obsessed with him. Very recently myself and my LO have been going on beach walks at night. This has been very upsetting for my wife. I want it to stop. It has to stop. It's going to ruin my marriage and I just want to be in a happy marriage and have a normal friendship with LO. Is that possible? Please help! In utter turmoil and a constant state of anxiety! I don't know what to do and looking for advice. I don't think going NC could work, as it's such a small town and we're very involved in each other's life's.

Partners for 40 years he has a younger female friend who constantly messages him and so does he, cute hows your day stuff and mutual support, I cant cope with it he keeps it underground, hides it from me. I want to keep checking his phone, its been going on for 2 years I have said I dont like it it hurts me, he says if I say stop he will break contact. I do not want to be that jealous woman. But he doesnt stop when he knows how it derails me. She always asking him to do jobs for her, he says hes helping her she has no friends, no money, she is only a couple of doors down our street. Help me see sense so this stops destroying me.

Hello, I would be really grateful for any kind of advice as i don’t know how to operate this situation.

I would like to point out that I have never been in any kind of romantic nor sexual relationship with a man and have identified as asexual since my early teens. Ive never been on a date, kissed anyone etc.

Sexual activities and being percived in a sexual way repulses me very much. The only “relationship“ I’ve ever been in was with another girl during 8th grade. It lasted only few weeks as we were afraid that our parents will find out and our community isn't very inclusive and all that changed in our relationship was that we called each other girlfriends but I don’t consider myself lesbian and in the past I imagined that I might find a partner wether that would be man or woman if the relationship would be platonic.

Im not using my sexuality as any kind of excuse for potencial harm i have coused but i still think that it is importand to point out for the whole story. I understand that people can do bad things without intending to do so and that it doesn’t make it a lesser evil like If someone kills accidentally that still makes them murderer.

A few years ago (I was 18 at the time), whilst on a university work placement abroad, I became friends – or so I thought – with a group of guys (aged 18–22). In the group I was working in, all the other women were already PhD students, so I spent much less time with them. After classes and work, we’d play cards or watch films together, and at the weekends we’d go on trips with our professors. It was my first experience in this field, and at the time I really enjoyed the sense of belonging to a community that this several-month-long internship gave me as I grew up rather sheltered with mostly 1-1 friends and never having a bigger friend group wich I always dreamed of as I read a lot of found family books when I was in my teens. I considered everyone

A few weeks after I left, one of the guys I’ve met there (aged 19 or 20 i dont know excatly but he was year above me) started messaging me outside of our groupchat about what I thought were purely friendly matters, such as ,,You’ll never guess who’s just got a job at …” or “I wanted to brag that I managed to get a ticket for that band’s concert” or sending me memes and things like that I was responding how I would to any other of my friends without thinking much about it.

It didn’t strike me as suspicious at the time, as I simply considered him a friend. Shortly afterwards, however, he began sending very long messages about his mental health, domestic violence, addiction problems, a failed suicide attempt and his fear of losing his girlfriend; all of this was very general, however, with no specific details, even though the messages were very long.

At the time, I truly believed that it was right thing to do to reply to these messages and thought I was acting like a good friend and as anyone should in such a situation. I’ve faced various mental health problems myself (Im diagnosed with audhd, and severe anxiety disorder) and was myself suicidal when I was younger so I was aware that other people even listening to your problems can be life saving.

I told him to see a psychologist or psychiatrist (we are from different parts of the country so I didn’t send him any particular facilities addresses but I send him some phone numbers to mental health institutions) as im not in any way capable of handling such matters properly and that i don’t know him enough for my advices to be anything apart from general clichés. I also asked why he was writing to me about this rather than to his girlfriend (I knew he had one), to which he replied that she was not the sort of person who would understand such matters and that he was afraid that, because of his deteriorating condition, she would leave him, and as he said loved her very much and wanted to avoid that. He was at the same time telling me how much he loves her and what an awful person she is wich was weird but I only knew as much as he was telling me and was afraid that this would end in some kind of tragedy.

Now I know that it is absolute idiocy on my part for still writing to him after him talking about his girlfriend in degrading way but at a time i for some reason really believed that he is hurt and also really wanted to believe in this image of being part of this group of friends wich I romanticised to much in my head. i don’t know how I could be this dumb even considering the fact that I don’t have much experience with man in general (prior to this internship i had some guy friends but if they had girlfriends I also was friends with those girls, and all of those friendships were not very close).

The messages stopped coming after about 2-3 weeks. I was a bit worried that he’d hurt himself, but at the time I was also busy with family issues, so most of the time my mind was on other things. I also asked other friends from the internship if they knew anything about him, but they weren’t aware of his problems at all, so I didn’t discuss it further with them, as I was afraid I shouldn’t bring up the subject at all. He messaged me again few month later accusing me of trying to seduce me wich made me truly astonished as it was absolutely not the kind of massage I was expectin. he told me that I was lovebombing him by being so very nice and always responding and that it was clear signs of my interest in him and that I was messing with his head and tried to ruin his relationship and that I’m his emotional affair (at a time I didn’t know those terms but after googling it I realised that it is probably what me talking with him was, he was telling me about his problems all the time and probably hide it from his girlfriend and I’ve never even once considered that he might be lying to me when complaining about stuff she was doing to him) Ive considered trying to find his girlfriends social media to apologise or show her all of our conversations So if he’s lying to her about what he was writing to me she would know but I don’t even know her name.
I was truly shocked after he wrote that to me and didn’t know what to answer to that so I said sorry that anything I ever said made you feel like I’m interested in you in any way and that I won’t be messeging him ever again. But that wasn’t probably the best was to handle it but I’ve never had nor ever even heard of anyone going through something similar and for some weeks after that I vas in denial that it all must have been some kind of misunderstanding.

I showed the messages we’d exchanged to my friends and they said there was nothing inappropriate in them from my part and that he was trauma bonding, but I’m worried they might be downplaying my fault because they want to reassure me in some way and because I’m the shy, childish friend in their heads and they are not capable of seeing me as a bad person Because I have them tricked somehow. I feel like a fraud like I can no longer belive my own thoughts and I’m the worst person to ever existed, I feel the need to tell this story to every person im ever geting to know so they would be coucious with me. I’m afraid that I would accidentally seduce other man. It was few years ago yet its the only thing I can thing about I feel like I can no longer consider myself a woman as by angaging with this guy I betreyed Womanhood. It was really selfish from me because maybe I know that deep down I just really wanted to feel useful and believe in a picture of a perfect fiend group I’m part of (I’ve overestimated the whole thing with those friends from internship in my head probably)

if I never for a second even considered this man a potential partner but when I think about me being asexual maybe this is the worst thing I could ever done as I would never kiss anyone or anything further. Thinking that he might have thought about me in a romantic way makes me want to reap my skin off and when I thinking about me being the reason some dude cheated emotionally on his girlfriend I simply want to kill myself wich I can’t do because I have responsibilities for my family jet it’s the only thing I think of each every second of my life since then. even if I move to another country, the field of science I’m involved in is so narrow that I won’t be able to avoid running into him or having to work with him; I don’t want to give up this career but I consider it more often know, I’ve worked very hard for my education but what I’ve done even unknowingly is simply unforgivable according to my morals. every time I’m meeting him since then I feel like I’m escalating this situation as I try to talk it through but I always freeze when I see this man and feel like I’m incapable of even saying one word and like all of my insides are dying I feel like he’s playing some game with wich I don’t know the rules for as he’s always makes some weird remarks when we are in the same room like he’s saying something to someone else but in a way that would make me specifically uncomfortable and I’m starting to genuinely feel scared of him but at the same time I dont want to make myself a victim of this situation as I brought it all upon myself also sometimes when I see him doing something super normal like taing his shoe i cannot bring myself to think badly about him but then I see him bragging about being in multiple relationships at once and i know that instead of helping anyone by talking to him I was adding to his ego and completely misread his character I also know that he’s making rumors about me sleeping with basically everyone but I know that it deserved (I’ve never told him about being asexual as I’ve never thought it was relevant) I sometimes cant bring myself do leave my apartment even tho I know he’s in a different city I basically mostly just want to stop existing Im not writing this couse I want pity or anything Im really afraid of hurting people in the future I’ve done some other selfish things in life I’m afraid that I might be covered narcisst or psychopath and I’ve asked about it my therapist once before this whole situation and she said that I’m not that smart to trick her and that I’m none of this things but that was before this situation so if she knew that maybe she would diagnose me differently and I feel like at this point I tricked even myself and absolutely don’t know what is true in my head sometimes i convince myself that I actually flirted with this guy and I compulsively read all messages we ever exchanged so I know that I didn’t wrote anything like that but then I’m afraid that I did and that I deleted messages and convinced myself that that never happened and then I see some messages when he tells me some vague compliment and it makes me realise how dumb I em for never seeing trough it but then Im realising that even when I wasnt saying anything I considered inappropriate simply talking to him after he was talking badly about his girlfriend was enough to make me fully responsible

i feel dumb ashamed dirty an used but at the same time I know my fault I just don’t know how to make it right

how should I deal with this situation? at a moment I don’t have money for a therapist and I would be so very grateful for any form of advice, does anyone gone through anything similar?

is it possible to ever live again with this much shame and guilt? I truly cannot end my life at this moment I have family members who need me but this situation and thinking constantly about it all makes me incapable of being a useful daughter wich I know is appropriate punishment but im making even more bad deeds by not helping my family as I should

I am sorry if this is too long and detailed, but I want you to get the whole picture.

We’ve been together for 4 years, married for 1.5. We lived in my country (he’s a foreigner), and recently moved to his country to restart a new life together.

Our beginning was very intense and loving we had a deep emotional connection. The sex was great, the bond felt strong, and even our wedding was one of the most magical moments of our lives, something people still talk about. I genuinely always saw him as someone with “green flags,” stable, loving, and safe. I never saw this coming.

Over time, we fell into a passive routine smoking weed most nights, watching shows, less emotional presence, and a big drop in intimacy and sex. He also started watching a lot of porn.

In the months before everything escalated, there were signs from him. He often said he missed us, missed doing things together, missed having fun, and he also expressed frustration about our lack of sex and emotional connection.

In the middle of all of this, his father passed away suddenly. It was a shock for him and the family. He cried during the first days, but very quickly afterward he went on a trip with his friends single guys mainly drinking, partying, and chasing girls. He had also told them he wasn’t very happy in the relationship, and they encouraged him to “have fun” and go along with a girl he met there. From my perspective, it felt like he didn’t really process the grief and was almost escaping it compared to the rest of his family.

Before that trip, there was already a separate situation a few weeks earlier with a woman from his work environment (no shared language, mostly attention and compliments). It lasted a few weeks and then stopped. With that girl, they did kiss. I also contacted her afterward; she apologized, said nothing further happened, that she regrets it, and that she appreciated the way I spoke to her.

On the trip, things escalated again. He met a girl there who was also going through something of an identity crisis, similar in emotional state to him. There was an intense emotional connection and long conversations that he later described almost like “emotional therapy,” talking about life, identity, feelings, etc. The situation became romantic and they kissed. They kept messaging for a few weeks after, but it eventually stopped.

After I found out about the girl from the trip, I contacted her not to blame her but I told her I was sorry if he used her for validation or emotional support.

When he came back from that trip, he was very different confident, detached and told me he didn’t love me anymore, that he wasn’t happy, that he wanted more sex, and that maybe we would be better with other people.

After that, and after a few conversations the same day, he started to come back from that mindset. I told him things like: marriage isn’t a honeymoon, life isn’t about chasing excitement, we are adults and we need to recognize patterns and work on what doesn’t function. He became emotional, cried, apologized, and said he was confused and overwhelmed. This was before I discovered the rest myself.

He admitted he was seeking validation: wanting to feel desired, attractive, and interesting. He also admitted that if there had been an opportunity to have sex with the girl from the trip, he would have done it, and he also admitted that in both situations (the colleague and the girl from the trip), if the possibility had fully happened, he would have gone through with it.

In all our conversations after these events, he repeatedly told me that I am the most important person in his life, the most mature person he can build a future with, and that he never doubted us. He also says these were “stupid mistakes,” that he was scared to admit them because he feared my reaction and losing me.

Since then, he has expressed deep shame, guilt, and remorse. He says he now understands he has been immature, insecure, validation seeking, and emotionally overwhelmed, and that when he gets depressed he struggles to understand or regulate what he is feeling. He is now going to therapy.

We also went to a couple of couples therapy sessions, and I am in therapy as well (I’ve always been in therapy on my side).

Despite everything, we are currently having more sex than we have had in a long time. Our dynamic is very strange right now: I feel like the angry, hurt wife, and he is very guilty, ashamed, and trying to repair things but there is still strong physical intimacy between us.

From my side, I’ve also struggled with depression, emotional disconnection, and heavy weed use, which contributed to the distance between us.

Now I feel very conflicted: I still feel love and attachment, but also anger, insecurity, and a deep loss of trust.

My question is: does a relationship realistically recover from this kind of pattern (secrecy, emotional cheating, validation seeking, emotional instability, loss of intimacy), when both partners are aware of it and in therapy or is this usually where it ends despite love?

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My father [55M] has been having an affair with my best friend’s mother [46F] for almost 10 years. Me and my sister are in our early twenties, my mother is [48F] and my best friend is of my age .Over the years, my sister and I slowly uncovered the truth, but every time we tried to confront my father, he denied everything, played the victim, and manipulated the situation until we ended up doubting ourselves.

What makes this even more painful is that my father treats my best friend and her younger sister like his own children. He is always there for them, supports them financially and emotionally, and behaves as though he has another family alongside ours. Meanwhile, he still acts loving and caring toward my mother, which leaves me constantly confused about his true intentions.

The affair eventually destroyed my best friend’s parents’ marriage after her father found out and confronted her mother. They separated because of it. My best friend seems to know that something is going on she stopped talking with me I don't know why. Sometimes I carry guilt over the situation because she is my best friend, even though logically I know none of this was my fault.

My sister and I are currently the only ones who fully know about the affair. We have hidden it from our mother because we are terrified of devastating her.

What makes everything more confusing is that my father still behaves lovingly toward my mother at times, as if nothing is wrong. But after 10 years, this no longer feels like just a physical relationship it feels emotional, deeply rooted, and impossible to end.

My father is extremely manipulative and always uses sympathy to escape accountability, which is why my sister and I feel the only way to finally confront him is to catch him red-handed with undeniable proof. The hardest part is that despite everything, I still don’t want to lose him as my father. I feel trapped between anger, betrayal, guilt, and love, and I honestly don’t know how anyone is supposed to deal with something like this.

I think the situation may become even more serious in the future, and I feel scared and emotionally exhausted carrying this for so long.

I’m mainly looking for advice from people who have experienced parental infidelity or family betrayal. How did you emotionally cope with it? How did it affect your relationship with your parents and with yourself? Any advice or shared experiences would really help because I feel very alone in this situation.

How to catch him red handedly?

i need help. My husband 25M and I 23F have been married for 4 years. I’m posting because I genuinely need outside opinions and I don’t really have anyone to talk to.

I recently found out that my husband had been talking to other women online for months behind my back. Asking to video call and flirting with them and even saving lots and lots of porn across tiktok and instagram. The very first thing i found was porn a year ago on instagram and i cried to him and told him to stop, and he promised to delete everything but now i found the online conversations. It wasn’t just one conversation or one bad decision. It was ongoing, and the hardest part is that there was a lot of lying involved. I would ask questions and be reassured that nothing was happening, only to later find out more.

My husband says he wants to fix things, but I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore because trust feels shattered.

For people who stayed after online cheating/emotional cheating: did it actually get better? What did rebuilding trust look like? How did you know they were truly sorry and not just sorry they got caught?

And for people who left: what was the moment that made you realize you were done?

I’m anxious to leave but scared to stay only for him to do worse in the future and i regret it

tl;dr husband online cheating/flirting got caught. stuck not knowing what path to choose

I (28F) and my husband (31 M) were in a relationship 4 years, and we’ve been married for 4 months. Shortly after getting married, I found out he had been cheating on me throughout our relationship. It was long distance, so I had no idea at the time.

After I confronted him, he said it was a “heat of the moment” mistake and chose to stay with me when I asked him to be honest about what he wanted. He ended things with the other woman, but the way he did it still bothers me. Instead of owning up to it and saying it was wrong, he told her they had to stop because I caught him and it wasn’t fair to cheat on me. That didn’t sit right with me it felt like he wasn’t truly taking accountability.
What confuses me is how he behaves now. When he’s with me, he acts like a perfect husband kind, attentive, playful, and emotionally present. In those moments, I almost forget everything. But when I’m alone, it all comes back, and I feel like something still isn’t right.

There are things that make me question his sincerity:
•He thinks small gestures like going for dinners or flowers are enough to “fix” things, but I feel like trust needs much deeper rebuilding.
•He didn’t initially block his past flings (only the most recent one after the confrontation ).
•Shortly after everything, one of his exes reached out to him again. He came to me and told me about it, and when I asked whether he replied, he admitted he had but brushed it off, saying that wasn’t the main point. According to him, what mattered was that he told me, not that he had replied to her.
•I’ve noticed suspicious activity on his Telegram (where he cheated before), like logging in and out and having extra security enabled.

I feel like there’s a gap between his words and actions in front of me and what might be happening behind my back. I don’t know if I’m being hyper-aware because of what happened, or if I’m picking up on real patterns.

At this point I need practical advice:
Based on this behavior, would you consider this real effort to rebuild trust, or just surface-level damage control?
What specific actions should I expect from a partner who is genuinely trying to fix things after cheating?
At what point do patterns like this become enough to stop trying and walk away?
How do I verify whether he’s actually being honest now without turning into someone who constantly checks and doubts?

TL;DR: Husband cheated for years, now acts perfect but still shows suspicious behavior. Can I trust this or not?

Short story, caught my wife of 15 years have an EA in the beginning of winter 25. From a guy states away, but sexts and pics were sent/received. She started to fall for him and this only lasted about 2 months. We had some issues going in but I didn't realize how bad. Lots of miscommunication and just, honestly both going through motions to get by in life. We reconciled, lots of talks, both individuals and couple counseling. We have good and bad days.

Now the weird part (on my end)

I for some reason kept the texts that I copied. I dont know why but I did. Sometimes I will go back and reread them and play with myself. I had a hotwife fantasy going before the EA and she knew. I do not know what to make of this. Since the EA, my brain sometimes is just all over the place.

I’m looking for perspective on a situation involving a former close family friend who was my husband EA partner.

This is long and I’m sure I’m using incorrect terminology - apologies in advance.

My husband and I have been married 18 years. For several years, we were very close with another couple and our families were intertwined - cookouts, vacations, birthday celebrations, etc. every major milestone was tighter.

She and my husband began a friendship outside of the group. He had lots of friends and I don’t give it much thought. Also, their marriage looked just fine from the outside.

Last year, her husband collapsed and she learned that he was an alcoholic (apparently, she had no signs of his heavy drinking over the years, but the doctors said he should have died based on his alcohol level but only survived because he had built up such a tolerance).

My husband and I both tried to be there to support her through that crisis. But she reached out to my husband daily, at all hours and only gave me bland replies of gratitude to any of my outreach. Three weeks after her husband’s collapse she informed him they would be getting divorce (after 20 years of marriage). They did no real shared counseling. This announcement was a shock to us and a wake up call for our marriage.

Eventually my husband and I realized we needed to pull back and focus on our own marriage. When we pulled back for our marriage, my husband texted her that plainly. Said I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much, I’ve really need to focus on our marriage, I hope you can understand.

She responded that she was glad he realized his lack of communication had an impact on her and that it was confusing and hurtful. By the end of their text exchange, he essentially asked her for forgiveness for focusing on our marriage. She didn’t once acknowledge our marriage or me or our family. Just said “of course I forgive you. I love you.” She also showed other protest behavior toward him, including ghosting him in another shared chats after access changed - she and her friend just blatantly ignored him and stopped responding.

Looking back, I feel like she was essentially using my husband for spousal-level emotional support and protested when his access changed. At the time, I did not fully understand what was happening, but I felt a shift in her friendship with me and a loss of emotional connection with my husband - this lasted for a couple of years.

After a few months of ghosting, she invited him to get together for a coffee/beach walk with her. At that point, I was extremely uncomfortable and said no. But I would have coffee with her.

I had a kind anddirect conversation with her. I offered empathy for her very hard year, explained how the dynamic had impacted me, and tried to set gentle boundaries around our marriage while still giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. We worked with a marriage counselor to prep for that coffee and to handle it with care.

The boundary was that my husband and I wanted to support her together, and not have him continue as her individual emotional support person. Instead of asking questions about how this impacted us/me, she mostly explained why it made sense that she had leaned on him and focused on whether she and my husband were still friends. She said their friendship was so easy/special/unique. She said she only thought of him like a brother. She said she didn’t lean on him that much. She broke down crying saying to me that she wanted to ask him “if they are even friend anymore”. She even said to me I just always thought I was more alike with your husband and you were more alike with mine. Which still sits as so uncomfortable to me.

It has now been five months, and she has not followed up, acknowledged my feelings, or made any attempt to repair with me or with us.

After she and I spoke, I saw the extent of their communication from the prior years when we charged an old iPad. It showed daily messages, throughout the day and into the night, with lots of kissy emoji and heart emojis. Messages every day, start of the day, middle of the day, after work, at midnight. I estimated 150-200 messages a week or upward of 10k messages a year. She had asked me when we met if she had done anything “disrespectful” me and I didn’t totally understand what she meant - our marriage changes were about us. I thought she was just having a tough year. Then I understood how deeply she had depended on him.

I want to be clear that I do not believe anything physical happened. But I do think this was an EA. My concern is that the emotional access and frequency had become inappropriate and had started to affect our marriage. It made me realize that what I had felt over the years was something real and destabilizing.

My husband and I have worked through a lot and are still rebuilding. He sees most of the boundary issues now, though I don’t think he fully understands the whole pattern the way I do. I’m not sure he will or needs to - I’ve dissected the entire 9 year friendship. But we have shared expectations and boundaries and no longer work off of assumptions and good intentions.

We talk openly about when I’m triggered, he has acknowledged he would have felt uncomfortable if the situation was reversed. He remains adamant that he was trying to be a good friend and we have worked through what that friend support should look like in a healthy way, have leveraged counseling and have really invest in our marriage. We’re in the best place we’ve probably ever been in. I’m very lucky for that investment and openness from him.

But there was an other betrayal between me and her. I came to realize that while I thought we were close friend, we were not. The real connection had been with my husband. I was just access. I welcomed her into my home, into our holiday celebrations, shared ups and downs with our kids. I changed plans to accommodate her preferences. I did all the things a normal friend should do and it was disregarded.

And after all of this, I feel deeply betrayed by her. It shifted the ground beneath me and has changed how I trust. I believed her words and now see that she is highly skilled at saying the right thing and being charming, but the behavior doesn’t match the words. I felt that disconnect for a long time, but now see it clearly. Despite the good times, the memories are all tainted and I regret ever allowing her family to build such a tight and close relationship with my family. My investment now goes into our real family. That said, our children are friends with her children.

My concern is that she seems to be using my children to reengage with my family. She recently sent my teenage son a high school graduation gift and used a family nickname to address his card (one that only our family uses). I feel like this is a little petty, but it seems like an attempt to show closeness with our family after 5 months of silence without doing any real work.

She has also been privately texting my teenage daughter, who misses her and wants closure. She had essentially gone quiet with my daughter and that hurt her deeply. My daughter knows very high level that the adults were working the through some things and about the alcoholism and divorce.

But the woman has said she was completely unaware of the alcoholism and has framed herself as victim. A teenager believes that at face value and has empathy for it.

My daughter (14) has said she wants to talk to the woman directly to “say her piece” and get closure. She’s a very mature kid, but I still have extremely low trust for this woman. I worry that a conversation will create more confusion as the friend will say all the right things while still not actually repairing. I do not want my teenage daughter hurt by her as well - at least not any more than she has been.

It is inevitable that we will run into each other in social settings because our kids and community overlap. I understand that I cannot control every point of contact. But I am not comfortable with her having private contact with my minor child or continuing to act like she has family-level closeness with us. I gave a roadmap to a different way to interact with our family - shared support- and she did not engage. Honestly, I just want more distance from her in our family system. And I want peace.

What do I do now?

Ok, this married woman supposedly had a “just a friend” and he tried to make the relationship physical so she stopped the friendship (hahaha really continued to be there for him as he “fixed” his marriage.) She didn’t tell her husband about the emotional affair or the offer of physical. She didn’t tell his wife. That happed like 4 years ago. They are still friends.

Next, my husband, same married woman. she told him about guy #1, as proof she only wanted to be friends. My husband was a “just a friend” - really he got caught in emotional affair by her husband this time. She promised she would stop. She didn’t. I caught them a few months later. Best me and the husband can tell, they were flirting just short of kissy face at work, never outside of work. My husband told HR about the relationship (she was his boss) and she was removed from his area. That was 2 years ago.

My career took a turn and now I work at the same company as her and my husband. I found an office of a guy who just was promoted 3 months ago. I saw his white board “hi “married man’s name. I miss you. Her signature” So I know the note is new. Is this her new AP? “I miss you” is bad. Coming from someone with 2 emotional affairs, it’s not a sign, it’s an offer.

First, I’m overjoyed as it solidifies she is desperate and lonely and spending energy on someone else. And not my husband. I don’t know the new man’s wife.

What would you do?

Would you confront the other woman? I have her phone number and she works with him?

My story is somewhat old and I am going to a therapist but I wanted to seek whether advice or maybe even a reality check that I’m being too extreme. I caught my husband about 2 years ago having a secretive “relationship/friendship” with a female colleague. My husband works in a profession with mainly women so it’s not uncommon for him to be texting other women nor have I had any reason to worry about relationships he has with his coworkers over our 20 year marriage. But I kept seeing somewhat flirtatious texts from his colleague to him pop up and I asked him about it and he denied it saying they weren’t texting, she was weird and that any text was purely work related. Fast forward I kept feeling like something was going on and asked him again a few months later if he and this other woman was texting and he said no, to my face lied to me yet again. This happened a few times where he lied to my face. Where he could have just said yeah she texts me it’s strange and I would have moved on. I found out these secretive texts were going on after 10 months when I had a nagging feeling and checked his phone and there were no texts between them. I then checked his deleted messages and he had over 300 texts between the two of them in one month alone. I read through the texts in disgust and yes while he wasn’t outwardly flirting with her she was clearly emotionally attached to him. And who knows how much longer it would have gone on if I didn’t find out about it on my own. Fast forward, he was very remorseful, filled with guilt and shame. Kept telling me he wasn’t attracted to her at all but wouldn’t admit why he allowed this to happen. I kept saying he obviously enjoyed the attention but he never even to this day can answer why this happened. He cut off all communication with her immediately but it’s been very difficult because he still works with her. I got triggered again by this because my husband will be getting a new AP he will be working with and training who is this young, pretty girl and I just feel sick. I was never a remotely jealous person. I never had any reason to not trust him before everything happened but this triggered me bc his last secretive fling was with his former AP and now I get to experience it all over again hoping he will have boundaries with this new woman. I’m not sure what I’m even asking. I’ve just been an emotional wreck these last few days since I found out and I feel like this isn’t a normal response? How do I finally move on and rebuild trust.

For a few years I’ve been sensing awkwardness when the topic of this lady Steph. He used to date her before he married my mom. I just saw a text that they met at her place a few years ago and have been texting. This seems like an emotional affair to me. I’m not sure how to address this with my dad. And what should I do about my mom. Should I say he needs to tell her, do I tell her, or nothing? My grandma is friends with Steph and talks so highly of her. I overheard Steph talking rudely about my mom on the phone. I brought it up to my grandma and she defended Steph. I’m so overwhelmed and appreciate any advice. Thanks!

Hi all,

I’m a British writer who’s currently researching an article around the increase in men who’ve turned to emotional affairs.

I’m hoping to speak to anyone who’d like to share their experiences-can be done over email or DM with no judgement.

Thanks,

Ryan

Ryan

I was messaging a guy from Reddit almost daily for about 3 months. We made it clear from the beginning that we are both married and not interested in changing that. We just wanted to chat to fill the days. We liked to banter and tease. We did send pictures but not nudes. Definitely was more flirtatious near the end. No sexting.

So I googled, EA or flirting. It’s about intent, and there was never any intention to leave our spouses. Secretive, yes a little bit as there was some flirting. Did I open up to him, no as most of our conversations was just silly banter I think.

So would you characterize this as an EA?

So I'm 28 M. We Have Been Married for 3 years. In the beginning she was a sweetheart. She was The one for whom a guy would pray for. But now she is totally different. I mean I just don't want sex. All that caring, choosing you, respect, hugs, sleeping together, showing up, everything is gone. I loved her deeply.

This drastic change happened after I came to know of her chats on Instagram. She was talking to a guy. Before our engagement, after it and even for some time after our marriage. So when I found this out our baby was 19 days old.

I took her phone. So later that day she asked me to give her phone and she wanted to talk to our maid. So I give her that and within seconds she deleted that chat.

I was so enraged by it. I asked her to chat with him and slowly get to know that guy's fiance. I wanted to expose him. So she did chat with him and that guy asked to video call her. So I said do it. In that video call she warned the guy by message that I'm sitting next to her and be careful what he says. And then deleted it with delete for you option. She didn't knew I gave her phone with screen recording on. So I found it out in that recording.

After this I was done. But she pleaded and begged to forgive her and for sake of my kid I did. It's been 1.5 years now and my life is going like this. She's changed.

And to be honest after those 3 back to back betrayals. Something changed in me too. Something died. If she loved me and cared for my trust, those 2nd and 3rd betrayals wouldn't come. BTW, I'm from India. And we have such tradition of her going to her parents home for some time after a baby. So when all this happened my mother in law was present in my house. She's bitch witch. She's head of her home. Her father is nothing.

She might have contributed too in poisoning my wife. I don't know what to do. I mean I've talked to her about this many times and still I just don't matter?

In the beginning of our marriage she helped me with my illness. Now that I'm suffering from sciatica for 2 months now. I just don't see that she cares. Even when I ask for some help, she makes faces or get's irritated. This isn't tolerable. I mean in the most needful moment you just don't care?

Context - Married 8 years - 2 kids -

My wife was away on a work trip and was drunk one night after the conference dinner when during our FaceTime (different time zones) she decided to send me a selfie of a guy that was sent to her laying in bed with a cheek mask on - at the time I didn’t think anything of it but when I looked back at the messages later she had deleted the photo. I know of the guy in name only and from passing comments of work related subjects.

When she returned from the trip I snuck a look at her phone and found she returned the selfies (no nudity but skin showing) - they had also been out drinking together on a few occasions. He mentions she is his big love twice in the messages and that in a alternate universe they would be married ( all messages heart emoji from her) to which she agreed they definitely have spent many previous lives together. They were also staying at the same hotel.

When confronting her about this she said they have been friends for 9 years and they really appreciate each other and she rates him as friend yet I’ve never met or hear much about him.

Since this conversation she has taken further selfies of herself to send but has not done so (that I know of)

I’m all of male/female friendships around a marriage but would I be right to consider this as emotional cheating / potentially some physical cheating at some point?

It all started with my visa rejection from italy. we are not well off im only one in whole family who is educated. even my fiancé didn't even have basic education. its not he couldn't afford he was just not interested. But my father isnt that wealthy compared to all my Extended Family. So is been 2 years scince our enganment he said he loves me. my Extended Family ofcourse had issues with this but he stated he loves me. not with me for better futre or guaranteed europe visa (in pakistan europe visa is everything). me and my family trusted him we got engaged but now i got rejected from my italy visa. His attitude shifted I was exusted from rejection little heartbroken my 2 years plannning got rejected in a day. so i think that little anger as geninnue. We had little argument. He said are you okay? i said im fine. he said no you are depressed. That triggred i messeged him im fine i had a littile fall back dosent mean im dying. i will do it again stop trying to make me feel depressed. if im holding on let me. after 10 mints i said sorry for outbrst. next morning i left him msg with why i did this how im feeling and im oaky i vented it out. but his reaction was something else. he ignored me for 3 days then came complaining why you didnt come and appologize properly. It was that moment when i said what. am i supposed to make things right now. anyways i expalined again I said im in emotional disturbed mentally chalenging situation rightnow. ofcourse im i have to cover 80 lac loan pf my father my whole family is looking upon me. i have to find another way and im 23 years old damn it. anyways he said lets talks when you come out of this sitation of yours.
Now i dont want him. if he cant be with mee in my worst situation he dont have right to be with me in my beast days. amd that days will come. Am i overreacting about him or is it genuinly a red flag? should i hold him accountable for it?