r/ghosting

“Yo whatsup” is the message I get from a friend after over a month of silence. Doesn’t even answer the question I left him before he ghosted me. Im exhausted just looking at this message genuinely at a loss for words to him.

I also don’t want to be a hypocrite and ghost back, at the very least communicate to him why I’m no longer engaged

He has an odd communication style and hasn’t explained why when Ive told him Im all ears, I wanted to give him grace incase he has something I don’t know about or cant express himself truthfully I don’t know

He completely ignores questions when I try get to know him better and when I reciprocate exactly what he gives me the conversation dies off.

Its frustrating because I put a lot of effort trying to make us work and im just done but want a mature resolution

I genuinely need an outside perspective because I’ve never experienced such a sudden change in someone’s behavior before.

I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks. From the beginning, he matched my energy, was consistently enthusiastic, initiated conversations, and made it clear he was excited about getting to know me. We finally met for our first date, and it went really well. At the end of the night, we shared a sweet peck, and he was the one who asked to see me again the following week.

The next day, I messaged him, and he even replied, “Yay, you’re still speaking to me,” which made it sound like he was worried I’d ghost him. Then, completely out of nowhere, he went silent.

After more than 24 hours with no response, I sent a simple, friendly check-in message to make sure he was okay. Normally, if he’s busy, he’ll at least open my messages and reply later. This time, he didn’t even open it. Meanwhile, I could see his WhatsApp “last seen” updating throughout the afternoon, so he was clearly on his phone but intentionally choosing not to even read my message.

What confuses me is how someone can go from acting genuinely excited, asking for another date, and worrying about being ghosted themselves, to completely disappearing overnight without saying a word. It honestly feels like someone flipped a switch.

I haven’t called him out yet, but I’m seriously considering it. Not because I expect a response or want to change his mind, but because I think this kind of behavior deserves to be called out. He’s a grown man in his 30s. If he’s no longer interested, I’d respect a simple, “I don’t think we’re a match.” Going completely silent instead feels immature and disrespectful.

Would I be wrong for sending one final message telling him that ghosting is cowardly and that adults should be capable of communicating honestly? Or is it better to say nothing and let him disappear?

I could really use some perspective.
I was talking to this guy for a while and everything seemed fine. We were texting pretty regularly and then out of nowhere he stopped replying for a couple of days. I checked in to see if everything was okay and he just said he’d been busy.
A few days later he told me he wasn’t looking for a committed relationship right now. I just said thanks for letting me know because there wasn’t really anything to argue about. Right after that he invited me over, so I went. We had a good time and nothing seemed weird.
Now it’s been almost a week since I left his house and neither of us has reached out. I’ve been trying to match his energy and not text first or chase him, but it’s honestly eating at me.
I know he probably just wants something casual and he was upfront about that. I think what hurts is how he went from talking to me pretty consistently to almost nothing. I keep wondering if this is just how casual dating works or if it’s a sign he lost interest.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you stop thinking about it?

I met a guy on tinder, he’s a lawyer currently unemployed but applying for jobs since he just moved back home. The first three days he would always get back to me every half hour to two hours, he would also send me updates on whatever he’d been working on while I was waiting for his response so I felt reassurance, things got spicy pretty quick so we sent some things back and forth for a couple nights and he seemed very interested. I had originally told him it would just be casual but then I said I liked it better if we just go with the flow and see if things progress after our first date we planned. Yesterday, I messaged him good morning and he has not messaged me since, but on tinder it shows his radius has changed a few times but he also hadn’t viewed my stories or anything to at least signal he’s not interested anymore. I’m either insane or I got ghosted? I don’t even want to message him again because I’ll just look crazy lol.

For context: My bf of 3 months blocked me after an argument. It was something really small: I was stressed because I had to finishing packing for an upcoming trip and had literal minutes before my taxi came. He felt ignored that he came over to my place in the night to say good bye to me and I wasn’t paying my all attention to him. I told him that we can still talk ofc, I just have to make sure I have everything important with me while doing so.

He stormed off, no good bye, nothing. He blocked me on everything immediately after that. I haven’t heard from him in 2 days. Literal hours before he said to me that he loves me, will miss me and is sad that I am leaving.

I now blocked him too and am calling myself single. Because I would never do that to a person I claim to love.

My question is: Why do some men block? Why not communicate? He didn’t even gave me the chance to explain myself.

Edit: Ofc it goes both ways, women can and do ghost/block too. I am just interested from a males perspective.

I was ghosted out of the blue by someone I considered a really close friend after years of friendship. It’s been five months now and I’ve made a lot of progress, but I still wonder whether they’ll stay gone forever or randomly pop back up one day.

For anyone who’s been ghosted - did they ever come back? And if they didn’t, how long did it take you to stop waiting for it or wondering?

I feel slightly bad but he has goofed up one too many times. I’ve dealt with the micro aggressions, being used as the punching bag for his insecurities (goes hand in hand with those microaggressions), the not taking accountability and DARVOing me, asking him to be more present for me when I’m at his house.

I’m done. He needs to learn and although it hurts to do, I hope if I do this it will serve as a catalyst for his growth. Everyone else around him is always evil and I’ve tried talking to him for the past 9 months and I’m at my limit. He does not deserve a proper breakup. He needs this harsh awakening. I’ve already blocked his number and deleted all the pics of him so when he drops me home tomorrow, I’ll be taking my clothes and he will not hear a peep from me again. And I hope it stings and I hope he sits with that feeling and changes and stops being a bully to others.

I’m mostly writing this because it's likely the closest thing to closure I'll get.

I met someone on a dating app a little over two months ago. I wasn't even really trying to date. I'd log in when I got a message that my account was scheduled for deletion, swipe a few times and then piss off for another couple months.

But I woke up to a message from her one morning and I thought like, damn, this could actually be promising. So I responded and we clicked pretty quickly. The texting was strong early on, and we moved to meeting in person within a week.

We only ended up meeting four times. Over the two months. The first date was a meeting at a park and lasted a little over three hours. It felt easy and natural.

After a cancelled second date and a week of awkward texting I thought it was over, so I asked if she was still interested. She apologized and said she was, and we set up another hang.

This time she invited me to her place. We did a low-key activity, talked, chilled. It felt shockingly comfortable being in her space, especially since it was only the second time I met her.

At one point after that, she brought up that I was giving friend vibes because I had been cautious about sexual or romantic topics. I explained that I was trying not to be creepy or pushy. She clarified that she was attracted to me, and the conversation became much more openly sexual from there. She was direct about attraction, sex, compatibility, and desire. I was direct too, but probably still cautious in person.

Right before a trip I took, we almost met up, specifically to get laid, but ultimately decided to take it alow. She sent me a spicy pic right before I boarded my plane.

The third hang was long, around seven hours at her place. Again, comfortable. Nothing physical happened. Looking back, I probably should have been more physically direct once attraction had clearly been established, but I was trying very hard to respect her pace and not overstep.

Afterwards we had another conversation with a lot of sexual tension. Both of us were on pretty long dry spells. She told me later that during that hang, she had thought about climbing on top of me and making out, but didn’t.

Another week or so passed by before the fourth and final hang at her place. She cooked, we ate, played games, talked, and spent about six hours together. At the end, I asked if I could kiss her. She said yes, and we made out. Afterward, she brought it up over text and said I had seemed reserved and that she couldn’t really gauge me. I think I misunderstood her at the time and answered as if she meant the kiss specifically, when she may have meant my energy during the whole hang. That’s on me. I was definitely reserved, even though I was very attracted to her.

There was also a mismatch I was aware of. My feelings were probably stronger and more future oriented than hers. She had said at one point that we weren’t a couple and didn’t need constant contact, which was fair. I tried to respect that. I tried not to be needy, not to over text, and not to pressure her. I think I succeeded but who knows.

Over the next three weeks, things started to feel different. Her life got genuinely chaotic. Work, health stuff, sick foster animals, her own pets having issues . . . a lot. I tried to give space and be understanding. I checked in lightly. At one point I asked if she had any spare hours that week because I’d love to see her, and joked that I wasn’t afraid of cleaning up cat puke. She responded to the cat puke part, sent pictures, and talked about how bad/zoonotic it was, but didn’t answer the part about seeing each other.

I didn’t press it. Looking back, maybe I should have just said, “Fair enough, but do you actually have time this week?” Instead, I softened myself and followed the safer thread of conversation.

Then there was about a week of silence.

Eventually I checked in casually. She responded. The exchange wasn’t hostile. She talked about the animals, canceled plans, and a few normal topics. It was terse at first but basically fine. That’s part of what confused me. It didn’t feel like a clear ending.

Then two days after that final exchange I noticed I was no longer following her private Instagram. I already knew something was off. Had been for a while.

So the next morning, I sent her this:

Heya. I know your past few weeks have been pretty heavy and busy. It’s also been a while since we last met up, and I’ve felt like a distance has grown between us. Like things have changed or stalled. Idk.

I know I asked about this once before and had the wrong read, but this feels different. Especially since I noticed I’m no longer following you on IG and I’m fairly certain I didn’t misclick anything 😅

So for the sake of clarity, do you still want to keep seeing each other?

I'm pretty sure she never got it as a result of blocking my number.

I know we weren’t officially together. I know four dates/hangs isn’t a relationship. I know nobody owes anyone continued access, affection, sex, or romance. She has every right to decide she doesn’t want to keep seeing me.

But after two months of talking, multiple long hangs, being invited into her home repeatedly, explicit sexual conversations, an intimate picture, and a kiss, I really thought a direct “I’m not feeling it anymore” was a basic courtesy.

I’m also trying to be honest about my own side.

I probably overmanaged myself. I was so afraid of being too much that I may have become too careful, too reserved, too edited. I may have made her do too much of the emotional/sexual signaling. I may have been more emotionally invested than the stage justified. I probably should have shown desire more confidently once she had already made attraction clear.

But I also don’t think I did anything cruel, threatening, or disrespectful. I didn’t chase. I didn’t show up. I didn’t send angry messages. I asked one calm question.

And the silence hurts more than a no would have.

A no would suck. But silence makes you review every moment and wonder what the hell happened. Did I do something? Did she just lose interest? Was she overwhelmed? Was it another person? Did I misread everything? Was she trying to fade out and hoping I’d just disappear?

I’ll probably never know.

I understand the impulse to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. I really do. I even thought about just letting it die myself during that week of silence, because I was hurt and didn’t want to feel rejected.

But I couldn’t do that. I asked directly because I think people deserve clarity when something has gone past a casual first date.

I liked her. I was attracted to her. I think some of it was real. But if this is how she chose to end it, it changes how I see her. It just doesn't match at all the person I thought she was.

If you said do not contact me again. Then sweetheart you’re not being ghosted. You literally forced my hand or lack of to ever attempt even if I have a million things I wanted to say you’ll never hear from me again as long as I live.

Ghosting sucks. It honestly feels pretty childish. If you’re not interested anymore, just say it… basic communication isn’t that hard.

Went on a date recently and it honestly felt like it went really well. Conversation flowed easily, we were both laughing a lot, and the vibe felt good overall. Before we left, we even briefly mentioned meeting up again next week.

We messaged the next day like normal, but then suddenly they just went quiet. I sent a message in the early afternoon, they opened it, and then never replied after that. This is out of character because they’d always been responsive before, even if replies weren’t instant.

I’m not planning to double text or chase it, I’m just confused because nothing obvious seemed “off” during the date or right after. Has anyone had this happen where everything seemed to go well and then they suddenly disappear? Do people ever come back after something like this, or is it usually just a quiet loss of interest?

Just trying to get some perspective because the sudden switch has thrown me a bit.

She ghosted me one fine day without any reason she blocked me everywhere. When I tried to reach her through her sister for the first time, she also blocked me.

TL;DR: I was ghosted after someone I’d known for years suddenly stopped responding. I’m not looking for people to guess why he did it—I’m looking for advice on how to move forward without ever getting answers.

I’m realizing that the hardest part of being ghosted isn’t even the silence—it’s never knowing why.

Someone I’d known for many years and had grown much closer to over the past year suddenly stopped responding after what seemed like a completely normal evening together. He had even talked about future plans while we were together. The next day I thanked him for the evening, and he never replied. I sent one follow-up message a few days later, and again… nothing.

It’s now been over two months.
I’m not asking anyone here to tell me why he ghosted me because I know nobody can know what’s going on in someone else’s mind.

What I’m struggling with is how to make peace with never getting an explanation.
I replay conversations in my head. I wonder what I missed. I think of a dozen different possible explanations, and none of them bring me any peace because I’ll probably never know which, if any, are true.

For those of you who eventually healed from being ghosted:
How did you stop replaying everything?
Did you ever stop needing an explanation?
What actually helped you let go when there was no closure?
I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been through this, not predictions about whether he’ll come back.

He dm’d on fb, and started immediately asking all about me and my life. He seemed genuinely interested and I was excited to be so engaged in conversation with someone. I let myself get caught up in the moments on the phone where he called me cute names, teased me, and said all the right things. He lived a ways away and offered to road trip down to visit me. He offered to bring me things so we could be comfortable together, hammock and flowers.. I was so so happy and started to imagine what we could be. He said he was about to start packing up for the trip and then silence, mid phone call. Only to be active on fb hours after, I was sooo heartbroken. I called a ton and texted out of desperation and loneliness. I keep looking his name up, trying to convince myself that he will reach out or something just happened. But, I know that if he wanted to talk to me, he could. I feel so stupid and tired of being thrown away. I really trusted him too, every word damn near. He understood my humor, connected with me about some past experiences, and seemed so fucking perfect. Fuck me, I hate people. If you read this far, thank you for taking the time. I hope your weekend goes better than mine 🖤

Problem/Goal:

• Is it common to still think of the person who ghosted you?
• Even if you are in a new connection now?
• Is it normal because you were never given a clarity?
• Why do they get to live a normal life while I still grieve once in a while?
• I deleted the chat histories, their number, blocked them on social media, gave myself the closure because I can feel the distance, silence and coldness all of a sudden.

It has been more than a year ever since the unexpected change. Although I know it was partially my fault for projecting hard the vision and hope of what they could've been versus who they were from the start.

Yes, it is unfair. They never met the efforts and consistency I gave and I romanticized their bread-crumbing. I questioned my worth with this person. I mean, that's it? I became a doormat and lost myself in a sense just to be thrown away like a piece of garbage? I'm that easily disposable and to be discarded?

Maybe I am just having a moment where I am touching the wound and it stung a little bit more today. It has been almost 2 years since the ghosting. My post is messy and my thoughts are everywhere. I don't think I need to go on full detail for my title says it all.

Anyhow, thank you for taking your time to read this.

Check comments for pictures

So I’m 29, meet this girl on the app called DOWN. She’s 18 currently in college..

After talking we came to the conclusion we would have sex, okay cool, she was down to me the same down but I was like nah I gotta clean my room maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, I was finna ahead over to her house. And she like my period came… hmm okay weird… then the next day we were talking and she said she wanted to see it. I said okay. I sent her a video. And she left me on seen??

Now here’s the thing, she’s definitely over weight, I’d say.. chubby/obese.. something like a queen latifah or a Mo'Nique from meet the Parker’s.. but with a huge fat ass.

And I sent a message twice… the first one she left me on seen. And the second one I was like hey can you speak? If you’re not interested please let me know.

To be honest. Her ass is fat and idk if I have enough dick for it, but I was up for the challenge…. I’d say I’m around 7 inches, & I have about 17-20 bodies. Never heard a complaint….

I’m just baffled.

a guy texted me “hey” and then deleted the text when i replied a “hey” back

A man I was starting a relationship with (or so I thought) ghosted me 6 months ago. Yesterday he randomly wrote me a text message saying he had been thinking about me. He apologizing for disappearing and acknowledged that it "wasn't cool", but gave no explanation as to why he did it. He said that I didn't have to respond and then brought up memories of our first conversation before ending the text.

So far I have not responded. I don't know how to or if I should at all.

Reading through a great many of the posts on this sub and having been a victim of ghosters multiple times myself over the years, the advice and conclusion for people here is that we should overall stop trying to understand why these people do what they do even if the search for some comforting, endgame truth can be weirdly addictive --- but spending months, sometimes even years reflecting, musing, reopening wounds and vivisecting the miniscule motivations, both real and imagined, as to why they go no contact on us is generally a waste of time because there is often no clear cut answer. And even if there is some greater, deeper revelation as to a ghoster's mysterious reasoning, what they've done by default overshadows whatever philosophical argument or closure could ever be given on the matter seeing as how what they've done is ultimately who they are. At least where we are concerned.

Do not view them as this complex creature or a puzzle to be solved.

You're in a way giving a mystique and power to people who absolutely do not deserve it.

-- Basically, this serves as a memo to myself and everyone else to break the cycle of trying to understand and act like a private investigator towards individuals who willing made themselves a non-entity in your life. They've placed themselves in the non-entity box and let them stay there. That is all you need to know about them.

Hi everyone. I(20F) have been talking to this guy(22M) for about three months and I really need an outside perspective

I I feel like I'm going crazy over this

We weren't officially dating, but we talked like everyday ,sent each other reels, and I ended up developing feelings for him.

A few days ago everything seemed completely normal. We were talking like we usually do, suddenly he stopped answering me even tho he was active for hours . Then, out of nowhere, he removed me from his followers, removed his posts and his profile without saying a single word. He still followed me, but I was removed from his followers, and I genuinely had no idea why.

I asked him what was going on because I was really confused. After two days he apologized and said he just doesn't want to use social media nowadays.but honestly it still doesn't explain why he removed me in the first place, taking a break from social media and removing someone from your followers are two completely different things.

What hurts me is the lack of clarity. If he had simply communicated with me from the beginning, I don't think I'd be sitting here overthinking everything.

So I just want honest opinions.

Does this make sense to u or would u also be confused? Am I overthinking...

Please be brutally honest. If I'm missing something, I'd rather hear it than keep making excuses in my own head.

I’m 25F and I’ve been ghosted so many times this year since becoming single in January. Even though it’s frustrating, I don’t mind being ghosted on apps so much but it’s not just that, I make it off the apps.

There was a girl who ghosted me and then came back and said she’s sorry but she’s met someone else, a girl who was responding fine and then on the day of the date when I asked what we should do never replied and still hasn’t after like a month, and other instances.

Recently a girl liked me on Her who is MASSIVELY my type. We hit it off really fast and have a ridiculous amount in common. She suggested a date idea which I loved and then she gave me her number and she asked for my instagram. That was around a week ago and we’ve been chatting every day since until now. We still have the date planned for in the week, but I’m now worried it’s happening again as I’ve not heard from her for over a day now. I know she’s at home with her parents this weekend, but she’s been active on socials and I’m going crazy bc I can’t get ghosted again 😭 I really think it’ll destroy all my dating hopes and idk what to do anymore. I feel so unlucky.