[34F] Needing to know how to ask a question to[36M] FWB without informing them I know info, I wasn't told.
How do I tell my FWB that I know he's jerking off with two other women?
So, met this guy named Lawrence at work. He is married and immediately got the sense that he was flirting with me. Eventually, he invited me over to his place to hangout and we did. We had a great time, but the signals still told me he was interested in me. He only mentioned his wife once in passing, she is out of state living in their other home while she finishes school. One night, we got drunk, I kissed him and one thing led to another. We slept together and I felt like shit. But after speaking with him, he told me him and his wife were separated and planned on getting a divorce. Being the untrusting person that I am, I found a chance to go through his phone and verify if what he told was true. I discovered that it was via their text history.
After that we decided to pursue a FWB, which I was more than okay with, because I am not interested in a relationship him. Fast forward, I learn about a previous ex, named Bianca. He told me that they were once an FWB like us, but then she pressured him into a relationship and he cheated. Years later, he reached out and apologized and not only are they friends, they also wish to hook up if they were to ever meet again. I know this, because once again, being messy...I went through his phone.
We had a conversation, because I brought it up without directly telling him I went through phone, about Bianca coming to visit him. He said that she planned on coming in a few months, to which I replied, that I fully support his choice in who he has sex with, but I feel weird exchanging sexual partners. I basically told him that if he has sex with Bianca, then I don't feel comfortable having sex with afterwards. Not because something emotional, it just sounds gross, especially because we have oral sex and I can't get the image of his dick in another woman and then being put in my mouth out of my head. He suddenly changed the tune and said she "might" be coming, it's not a guarantee.
Add ANOTHER woman that I discovered once again, because I am messy. He had mentioned her as a family friend that he went to a concert with along with his sibling. When he came back, I noticed that he was messaging her alot. I went through his phone and discovered that he was also sexting her and wanting a sexual relationship with her as well.
I bring this all up because, last night, I was having some fun with my toy (👀) and I messaged him about it. He is the first and only person that has made me squirt and so I also added that the toy made me do it twice. The next day, he said that read my text and it made him a little upset. I asked why and he said that it made him feel like I didn't need him anymore. THE GALL! THE GUMPTION! THE NERVE! I wanted to curse this man out, but in doing that I would admit that I went through his phone and learned about Bianca and his family friend and that he sexts with them.
I would advice on how to address this issue, without revealing that I have been through his phone. YES, I know that what I did was a breach of trust. But that is not why I am here. Please allow me to be messy. I had a feeling in my gut and was right. The issue is why does he think he can have other outlets with ACTUAL people, but I mention a good time with a 🌹 and he gets pissy.
What is that? And how do I get this man to admit that he is jerking off with other ppl so I can tell him I don't care who he sends his dick to, so he shouldn't care what I do when I'm alone either.
Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.