[47M] Fell for my life coach [35F]. Help.
TL;DR. My [47M] married ass accidentally fell for a friend [35F] during my wife and I going through a rough patch. Feels like fate.
[47M] I found myself in an interesting situationship recently, I swear due to fate. I can't stop thinking about a woman [35F] obsessed even, but I'm married [47F] (for 23 years). Let me explain how I got here...
Back in February I was beyond stressed out. Drinking my sorrows away far too much. Crazy work issues are/were to blame. My wife and I were also absolutely not getting along at the time. She wasn't very supportive of me often getting drunk herself and taking it all out on me. One night I'd had enough and the next day things changed.
Now, this had been a trend for months, even years, and I, being the rock that I am, was required to fix it, yet again. However, my first instinct this time was to open up the FB dating app rather than attend to my wife. I thought, how childish of me? (Nothing there impressing in the world of dating anyway) Part of this is on me and my fault. So, instead, I began working on myself.
I quit drinking. Cold turkey. I began working out, two-a-days. I've lost 27 lbs since. I feel good now and look even better. I began addressing long term health issues I've had too. Reasons? Two fold. I wanted my wife to take my lead and stop drinking. I also did it to save our marriage. Did it work? Not really initially. Marginally at best. She barely even noticed. She mostly quit drinking but didnt fully understand the reasons why I began working on and prioritizing myself. But then something really interesting happened in June...
Out of the blue a female friend [35F] of mine IMs me about going to a fair. I said sure. I was already planning on going. We've been aquantances of each other for years, smitten with each other even. She had a small business. I was a customer. We interacted and always had fun together. We met up at fair, hung out and had a very wonderful time. However, she knows I'm married, knows my wife, even made the comment about not dating married men. However, there was so much electricity and energy between us it was impossible to ignore. We both felt it.
Fair ended and we parted ways. I reached out to her again about meeting up, not as a date but as friends to help me out with my personal growth. You see, she's also a life coach. (I should have known better at this point.) We did get together on several occasions to talk about life, emotions, and how to navigate difficult problems. Nothing physical whatsoever. Recently though, one meet up WAS absolutely a DATE.
It was obvious I had fallen for her. She was a mirror of the things I wanted out of a relationship with a woman, emotional support is clearly what I'm lacking. My marriage is not providing it for me. Understand, we're also very compatible with each other. Conversations come so easy. So, we talked about it. Everything. And, it was good. She gave some interesting, but great advice. She even mentioned she has/had similar feelings towards me. BUT, these two relationships and issues need to remain mutually exclusive for me to have a chance with her. We agreed. But, things then got weird, because of course they would, duh...
I applied advice and began addressing my issues at home with my wife. I had the uncomfortable, difficult conversations. I told my wife that I can't ask you to change, but these are the things (mostly emotional support and her to prioritize herself regarding health and her wellness) I want out of a relationship. And, if I don't get them, I'm going to move on.
I expected the worst. But, my wife responded. She finally understood. She's made changes. (Some I've been asking for, for years.) She's finally working on herself and stopped drinking. I'm cautiously optomistic. Things are better lately. The advice worked. (FWIW my wife knows nothing of my friend and our relationship, and it'll remain that way)
However, my problem. I can't stop thinking about my friend [35F]. She's intoxicating to me. Since that date, we've chatted a few times. It's been awkward. We mostly just post crap on FB back forth explaining ourselves. Nobody else is the wiser. She's honestly waiting for me to see just what I'll do with my marriage before moving forward. I can't blame her. I don't want her to feel guilty about breaking up a long term marriage and relationship. But, at the same token she's had a hand in it and knows it. We haven't spoken in person since and I'm heartbroken that I may have hurt her.
The right move is to continue to work on my marriage and I am. I'm going to see how it plays out because I have way too much invested here. But boy, the temptation of a younger, exciting, intelligent and rare woman for me is so so very real. I'm torn. TIA.