My 29M and my gf 28F have been together for a year. There is no privacy at her place. The house is so acoustic you can hear every sound coming from my gf's room and I can't imagine myself explaining myself to her mother as well and I'm sure she will ask because she always wants to know everything.

My place is also a bad idea because I can't have her drive for 2 hours so distressed back to her city.

In this situation can I do it over the phone?

edit: the reason I want to break up is not her living with her parents. I'm over her. I thought I loved her but the last couple of months made me realize I'm lying to myself and her. I want to end this but I don't know how.

Hi all, I don’t really use reddit but have no idea where to turn. Me and my fiancé (f21 and m25) have been together for two years and are both Christian. We got engaged earlier this year and have been looking for Churches and venues excitedly since, including this weekend just gone. Our relationship is great, he is the most kind, caring partner. Everything had been absolutely fine, Sunday evening comes around and after he had been to Church he sent me the loveliest goodnight text, telling me how much he loves me. That same night around midnight I get a call from him and as crazy as this is about to sound, this was exactly his words. He tells me that he has to start being honest with himself and that he no longer loves me and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I was in shock and was sobbing to which he showed ZERO emotion, I even said to him you clearly don’t care, to which he responded saying that’s correct because he has no emotion right now since he is feeling depressed. It is worth noting that last week he started antidepressants and I’m wondering if this has anything to do with it. All week we had a lovely time and great day outings, he always is so loving and constantly tells me how in love with me he is. Yesterday evening (the day after this all happened), I called him and asked if he would go a drive with me, he refused but I pleaded and he gave in. I needed closure and to understand. I try and help him as much as I can with his depression and wanted to know what I need to do more to help. On this drive he told me the exact same things as he did during the breakup call, HOWEVER at the end he told me not to contact him for 2 weeks and once those 2 weeks are over he will get back to me and let me know if he wants to be with me!!! Please help, I am so heartbroken, I have just got my wedding dress too. I am so in love with him and we are truly best friends. He has never acted like this before, he is so wonderful. I know he goes through episodes of depression but this is different as he says he has no emotion and has just started this medication. I asked him why did u tell me you loved me Sunday evening but by Sunday night you didn’t, he told me because he meant it but for some reason his emotions for EVERYTHING in his life has gone. I noticed on the drive he had also taken his engagement ring off and when asked why he said “Why would I wear it when it symbolises my love and commitment to you which I don’t feel anymore”. Could this be the medication causing this?

i left my partner of several years for someone who i thought things would be better with but now that i finally have the girl my life is hell and i deserve this but im not happy with the new girl … i hope my ex finds someone way better than me all i can is learn from this experience

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I’m curious to hear from people who have been on both sides of a breakup.

Have you ever been the one who initiated the breakup, felt certain (or at least convinced yourself) that it was the right decision, and then regretted it almost immediately, only to reach out and realize that your ex had already started moving on or no longer wanted to reconcile?

What happened afterward?

Did you eventually get back together, or did you have to accept that the relationship was over despite being the one who ended it?

I’d especially love to hear from people who genuinely loved their ex and didn’t break up because the love was gone, but because of circumstances, fear, frustration, distance, or an argument.

How did you deal with the sudden shift from being the dumper to feeling like the dumpee?

[supprimé]

Additional context / update:

I realize I left out some important context about my living situation with my ex.

We broke up about a month after signing the lease and moving in. The contract is for two years and we have tried to get out of it, but unfortunately that wasn’t possible.
In the beginning, we actually got along really well. We lived our own lives, barely saw each other because of our schedules, and even joked about each other dating other people. That’s why we agreed to stay in the house together, finding your own place in the Netherlands is extremely difficult.

The problems only really started when I began dating too. My ex became more distant, and when I told him I wanted to bring Wouter home, he became angry. He has always struggled with communicating his emotions and tends to bottle things up until he eventually explodes, which can result in aggression. This was also one of the reasons we broke up.

Last Monday was the final straw, and he has now moved to his grandmother. This had actually been the plan for a long time, but he kept putting it off. I’m going to change the locks with my landlord’s permission, and my best friend is staying with me for now.

I don’t really have anywhere else to go. My mom has terminal cancer and needs a quiet home with my dad, and my friends are mostly students living with their parents or in student housing, where there’s no space for me and my dog. So staying here was basically my only realistic option while waiting for my ex to eventually move out.

I also want to clarify that I have been in therapy for a long time. I’m not someone who has never tried to work through these things. I know that my past experiences have affected me, and I have actively tried to deal with that. I know my past relationships still affect how I respond to confrontation, especially when I fear someone becoming angry with me or leaving me. But therapy doesn’t automatically make every reaction disappear. Knowing intellectually that you are safe and actually feeling safe in a situation are two different things.
I have learned that I need to feel safe before I am capable of dealing with confrontation in a healthy way. When I feel threatened, especially by anger or the possibility of someone leaving me, my instinct can still be to avoid, delay or hide something rather than confront the situation directly.

I know none of this excuses lying to Wouter. I should have told him the truth and allowed him to decide for himself whether he was comfortable with my situation.
I just hope this explains some of your questions. I was genuinely afraid of confrontation, and unfortunately that fear made me make a decision that I deeply regret.

—————————————————————————————————————————

I honestly don’t really know where to start. I’m incredibly ashamed of what I did, but I would like to tell the whole story because I’m curious whether people think there is still a way for me to fix this.

I’m 24F and I’ve been dating Wouter (34M) for about 1.5 months. During that month and a half, we saw each other very often. We spent two weekends together and genuinely saw each other a lot for such a short period of time.
We both expressed that we really liked each other. We had even talked about the future a few times already. I met his mother and he met my mother. We also told each other several times that we had never experienced such a strong connection with someone before, in pretty much every aspect. That was exactly what made it so special to both of us.

So it didn’t feel like just a few casual dates. It felt like something genuinely special was developing between us. And now I may have ruined something really beautiful because of something I deeply regret.

My situation:

I broke up with ex 2 eleven months ago. We were together for about two years. We still live together because our rental contract is still running.
To me, ex 2 genuinely feels like a roommate now. We’ve been broken up for almost a year, we both have our own lives, we basically live completely separate lives, and we are both dating other people. I have no romantic feelings for him anymore.
However, our living situation is quite complicated.
Ex 2 can be very aggressive. He has been aggressive towards me several times before, although until recently it had never become physical. He has also become jealous since we both started dating again.

Before ex 2, I was with ex 1 for six years. We were together from when I was 13 until I was 19. It was an incredibly toxic relationship in which physical, emotional and sexual abuse were basically the norm from his side. That relationship ended a long time ago, but I’ve noticed that it still affects the way I react when I’m afraid of a man’s response. I’ve become very afraid of anger and aggression. When I think someone might get angry with me or leave me because of something I’ve done, I can become extremely avoidant and keep putting things off. And unfortunately, that played a major role in what happened with Wouter.

When Wouter and I had only just started talking, we were still chatting on a dating app. We hadn’t even met in person yet.
We had planned a date at his place, but because he was in the middle of moving and still had a lot of things to finish, that wasn’t possible. He suggested meeting at my place instead. I told him that wasn’t possible because I had a roommate. I told him that my roommate was just some random friend.

That was a lie.

At that point, I literally didn’t know Wouter yet. We hadn’t even met and I had no idea whether this would even go beyond one date. I didn’t want to explain my entire complicated living situation to someone I had never even met. It didn’t feel right to immediately tell a complete stranger that my ex still lived with me, that we had been broken up for almost a year, and that the situation between us was complicated.
I also honestly thought it probably wouldn’t lead to anything anyway, because my previous dates had been very disappointing.

But then the exact opposite happened. We immediately had an incredible connection and things became more and more serious. And the more serious it became, the harder it was for me to admit that my “roommate” was actually my ex. I thought about telling him several times. I genuinely wanted to, but I kept putting it off.
A big part of that was that Wouter had made it very clear that lying was a huge dealbreaker for him. That actually made me even more afraid to tell him. I knew this could be a massive dealbreaker for him, and by that point I had become really attached to him and was terrified that I would immediately lose him as soon as he knew the truth.
I know that isn’t an excuse. I should have been honest and allowed him to decide for himself how he felt about my situation. But I do want to honestly explain why I was so afraid to tell him.

Meanwhile, the situation with ex 2 became increasingly difficult. He brings other women home himself, and I try to take that into consideration. For example, I recently saw through the camera we have for the dog that there was a woman at our house. I had actually planned to go home around 6 PM, but when I saw that she was there, I deliberately stayed away longer until she had left.

Ex 2, on the other hand, has said that he is not going to take my feelings into consideration if I bring someone home. He is almost always home after 4 PM and has literally said that he would not react normally if I brought someone home. That made it very difficult for me to bring Wouter to my house.
I really did want to tell Wouter what the situation actually was, but because of my past experiences, I didn’t feel safe enough to do so.

Over time, I started feeling safer and safer with Wouter. After spending last weekend with him, I finally felt like I could tell him the truth. We had plans on Wednesday to go do something together, and I had decided that I would finally tell him then.

But then Wouter unexpectedly came to my house on Monday evening. Ex 2 wasn’t home at the time, but I knew he could come home at any moment. I gave Wouter a tour of the house and we were inside for about ten minutes. We were sitting in my bedroom when my ex came home.
My ex never even saw Wouter. He only saw Wouter’s bag.
My ex immediately started screaming that Wouter had to get the hell out and leave his house. He also yelled that he was going to throw all of my belongings out onto the street. I left with Wouter and the dog, and that was when I told him everything. I told him that my “roommate” was actually my ex. I explained why I hadn’t told him, that I had wanted to tell him several times, and that I had been incredibly afraid of losing him.
Wouter then told me that it was over. And I understand. From the beginning, he had said that lying was a huge dealbreaker for him, and I had lied to him.
I’m not trying to talk my way out of it either. But at the same time, he had also seen with his own eyes that evening how complicated my living situation is.

And then things got even worse.

Ex 2 became extremely aggressive again when I came home after Wouter had left and almost beat me up that evening. It ultimately didn’t become physical because the neighbours started banging on the window, which scared him off.
He has been aggressive before, but this was the first time it came so close to becoming physical. My neighbours took me in afterwards and told me that they had been worried about our situation for quite some time.

Looking back, I also realized again how deeply afraid I actually am of these kinds of reactions, and how afraid I had been all this time of telling Wouter the truth. Because of my past relationships, I’ve become very afraid of how men will react when I disappoint them or when I’m afraid they might get angry with me.
That doesn’t make my lie okay. I know that. But I do think it explains why telling the truth was so incredibly difficult for me.

I need to add that my ex has moved out after what happened Monday, he still has to move the big things (like his bed and closet). He is living with his grandmother now. When he moves the last things he will be leaving his key and I will be living here alone.

After that evening, I sent Wouter a few more messages. I told him that I really wanted to talk to him, that I wanted to show him that I had never intended for things to happen this way, and that I wanted to earn his trust back.
He then blocked me everywhere. At the moment, I can only call him, but I also want to respect his boundaries and not bother him.
I still have some belongings at his place, so at some point we will have to have contact anyway.
Today I noticed that he has unblocked me on Facebook. I’m still blocked on all the other social media platforms.

And I’m honestly struggling with an enormous amount of guilt right now.
I know I was wrong. I know I should have told him the truth from the beginning. I also understand that it probably hurts him even more because he had been so clear that lying was a huge dealbreaker for him. I know I did something that I knew was a major dealbreaker for him. I should have been honest.
But I’m also incredibly sad because what we had felt so special.

We saw each other so often during that 1.5 months. We spent two weekends together. We met each other’s mothers. We talked about the future. We told each other how much we cared about each other and that we had never experienced such a strong connection with someone before.
I have genuinely fallen very deeply for him. We were really starting to see where this could go.
I don’t want to bother him or ignore his boundaries. I also don’t want to try to justify my lie or convince him that my lie was “actually understandable.” I know I was wrong.

But I would really like to know whether, in your opinion, there is still a possibility of making things right.

Do you think there is still a chance of fixing this and earning his trust back? Or should I accept that I’ve ruined this and let him go?

And if there is still a chance: what would you do?
Would you leave him completely alone and wait for him to contact you? Or would you try to talk to him one more time at some point?

And most importantly: do you think he could eventually see this lie in the context of my situation, or is this simply a definitive dealbreaker for most people?

I’m looking for honest reactions. I would rather hear that I need to let him go than give myself false hope. But I also don’t want to give up if there is genuinely still a possibility of making things right.

Sorry this is long.

This was in late July about a month ago now. My ex girlfriend (21) who we'll call Janet broke up with me over the phone while I (22) was studying abroad in another country. We had been dating for two years plus a few months. I was very blindsided by this as we had been making plans to see a concert, go camping, etc. once we got back to college this semester. She was supposed to come visit my parents' house for a week before school started, and we had called a few days earlier and she was excitedly asking me what the plans were for that trip. I ended up leaving my study abroad early because I was such a wreck and went back home.

Janet's main reason for this was that she was worried about me graduating from school and moving away in May, while she still has an additional year left. We have talked about future plans after graduation before, but she was always pretty hesitant to speak about it. She had an impression that I was going to pick my job/grad school location based on being close to her. She did not want me to throw away my life over her and didn't think our relationship was strong enough for long distance. We're young and it seems she was not ready for a further level of commitment.

Janet also said that she thought our communication was bad and that all our conversations were too surface-level. Janet can be hard to reach when we're apart, taking all day to respond to texts. This summer, I usually had to specifically plan a time for us to call because it's hard to get her to answer spontaneously. She was way better about this when we're in the same place, and I let this problem get out of hand because I assumed our relationship was fine and we'd be back to school soon anyway.

She also said she was worried about coming to my house because my parents have had some marital problems and she did not want to be caught in any drama. I told her she did not have to visit if she didn't want to and it didn't mean we had to breakup, but she said it was a relationship-ending problem in her eyes if she wouldn't meet my parents.

I was obviously a mess during this call and tried to convince her to change her mind, saying it was worth it to try and fix things. None of the problems she had with our relationship were anything she had talked with me about before, and I felt shocked and wished she had tried to fix things when she was feeling these problems instead of just staying silent and then ending our relationship. Janet told me that this wasn't my fault and started to sound more emotional and regretful towards the end of our call. She said she wanted to talk in person once we got back to school. I told her I wouldn't contact her until then. I spent a few weeks at home with my parents and slowly felt like I was getting a handle back on my life, doing things I enjoy again and visiting a therapist.

Fast forward to last week when I moved in to a new apartment in our college town. We texted briefly to arrange getting some of my stuff back that was left in her apartment. During this conversation, I mentioned that I wanted to meet sooner rather than later to have that in person talk. I was weirdly looking forward to that chat even knowing it would probably hurt me just so I could try to say my peace and not have our last conversation be on the phone.

Janet's response was: "I'm free for a quick talk on Sunday at 9 if that works for you"

Sunday was her move-in day, and having a "quick" talk on a random morning when we're both already busy wasn't really my idea of how that would go. I suggested that we just wait until we're less busy so that we could have a longer chat since I think there's a lot to talk about.

Janet said "I'm more than happy to talk about how to handle the friend situation" (we have a lot of the same mutual friends for context) "but I'm not really interested in rehashing everything I've already said. I think if we keep it brief it'll be easier for both of us. I don't have any animosity toward you and I hope we can find a way to make peace with each other. Let me know if you still want to meet on sunday."

I started to feel really irritated by what I felt was a pretty selfish response, especially considering talking in person was her idea.

I said "You blindsided me with this over the phone when I was totally unprepared for it. I think it's fair of me to ask for a conversation on my terms. That phone call was not closure, you wanting to keep it brief is only easier for you."

I admit this response was rash and a little rude but I was very frustrated with her being only willing to speak on her terms, and only about our friends instead of what happened in our relationship. She didn't respond to that and I knew I probably scared her off.

The next day in the evening I gave in and said "I can still meet sunday at 9 if that works for you. I'm not asking to keep you for hours, just 30 minutes I think would be good for me to talk and say a few things I did not get to before. I promise my intention isn't just to sit you down and chew you out, I think this would help me heal from this"

She eventually responded "I'm sorry but I no longer feel as though it's in my best interest to meet up. I'm sorry you're still processing things but I don't think that it is fair to respond in the way that you did to my offer. It makes me believe we are approaching this from two very different angles."

This made me feel like I was getting dumped all over again. My mood was already worsening being back in the college town, and it hurt me to lose that one last chance to speak with her. All the recovery I did at home feels like it has gone away and I'm back to spending everyday crying and barely being able to get out of bed. One month I was with the woman I loved so much and I thought loved me too, and the next month she treats me like I never mattered at all. Everything I used to enjoy reminds me of her. I can't stop thinking about it at home, at school, at work. I don't know what to do and I'm worried this last year at college is just going to be a miserable for me.

It's been eight months since my (M29) ex fiancee (F28) ended our relationship. In that time ive experienced a roller coaster of emotions. But lately, as in the last two months, all I can feel is anger. Mostly at myself. When I was younger, I used to tell my male friends that it was not worth it to fight for a relationship if the person constantly misunderstood you or brought up break up in every conversation. Yet for the first time, I broke my own rule and fought until the last second. I embarassed myself in a way I never thought possible and looking back, all I feel is anger at myself for absorbing insults, disrespect etc without any pushback. Im detached now but I feel anger at myself for being so attached i begged someone to stay. Is it normal to feel like this eight months out? I wish there was a time machine I could use to unbeg and retract all that pathetic groveling.

if you realise a partner (m29) is keeping tabs on a person that they can’t have but seems to idealise how can you come back from it. she’s younger, he wanted her but couldn’t have her, he’s been mentioning her on and off to the point I know about how they met, what her full name is and why he couldn’t date her when he tried to: I feel repulsed that he keeps tabs on her. he acknowledged my feelings when I brought it up and let me check his instagram and messages with her. he not seen her in years but she’s at the very top of his suggested search list. as is an account he used to follow that hasn’t posted in years but has photos of a beautiful woman who fits his own preferences. it’s turning my stomach. His most suggested account was the woman he is often mentioning to me. She Was 19 when he was 25 and that was the year we started dating. He still likes her posts. He knows what she is going for work. He tells me how talented she is when I was trying to get excited about my own artist work last week. how can a woman he once liked in 2022 still be so important to him. it feels like I am no longer even a woman to him

To give some context, we have known each other for almost four years; we met at a university club. After some time, we hit it off and hung out for a month, but I was going abroad for four months, so I ended things with her face-to-face and respectfully. After I returned, I wanted to apologize to her, and I did. We became friends but couldn’t stay just friends for long and began dating shortly after (initiated by me).

We had our ups and downs. While I was living in a dorm, she was staying with her family, so in the evenings we started hanging out in her car. However, her family always demanded that she come home early. I was very frustrated, and we always argued over this. I wanted her to stand up for herself or tell some white lies like "I am staying with a friend" to spend more time with me, or maybe stay in her car overnight with me, but she always refused and said it would be impossible and inconvenient. After I moved into a house with a couple of friends, I found out she could actually lie to her family, and she began staying over once a week, but never twice.

She would usually time her sleepovers at my place with nights she went out partying with friends, coming home late (around 2:00 AM) just to sleep. She would then leave before 5:00 PM the next day. I felt like she always prioritized plans with her friends, and I was just the backup option if those plans fell through. I wanted to sit down and plan actual dates, but she never had time or was always tired since she worked part-time and had less free time than me. Our average date frequency was less than once a week (I know because I was counting).

For this summer, we have been talking about going on a vacation abroad. She said she wanted me to plan everything, but I wanted us to plan it together. We couldn't find the time, and then I got accepted as a summer intern in a different city, so the whole plan died. I tried to find alternatives, like meeting up over a weekend and maybe requesting two days off to extend the trip. Again, we couldn't find time to plan, and she never initiated any long conversations about it. Our talks were always just end-of-the-day reports, then sleep, and back to work the next day. After fighting about this, we agreed to rent a place for a weekend in the city where I was working to spend some time together. This was the first time in 2.5 years that she was going to travel to see me. I had always offered to have her visit my family home over the summer, but she always refused. She wouldn't even introduce me to her family, who lives in the same city I attend university in (I introduced her to my family when they visited me, even though they live 8 hours away). Her excuse was that her family wasn't asking to meet me.

So, she asked her parents if she could travel to my city for sightseeing and to meet me. Her parents asked if she would be sleeping in the same bed as me. She lied and said we wouldn't be, and that she was renting a separate place. This conversation felt so absurd that I sarcastically asked her “How old are we? to emphasize that her family was creating unnecessary boundaries like we were children. This was a turning point. We were 8 hours away from each other, having these conversations over FaceTime. She got very offended and told me to stop commenting on her family's decisions. I told her it was impossible because this issue was affecting every aspect of our relationship. My comments were about issues we both were suffering from. I felt that instead of depending on each other, she just wanted to ignore and never talk about how her family was limiting her at 22 years old because it stressed her out.

I had always told myself that after we graduated, we wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I patiently waited for three years and only wanted to express my feelings. One thing led to another, and she said we weren't healthy for each other. She broke up with me over FaceTime, even though we had already rented an Airbnb for the following week. I asked how she could do this over the phone instead of showing the love and respect we had by at least breaking up with me face-to-face. I told her we should still meet up since the place was already rented. She said no and insisted it was for the best.

I haven't crashed out or even cried since then. Probably because I was going to call her the day before to brake up, but I wanted to spend the weekend together first to see if I still cared and wanted to stay with her. I didn't and she dumped me. This was yesterday.

She had some things left at my place in her city so today, I wrote her that she can contact my housemate and get them but she wanted to talk one last time after I return for uni. It is gonna be a month till I return. I said that, I am not promising but okay. Can you give me any advice on meeting up with her? We are already broken up, I don’t think I want to see her again and told her after we are done talking over the phone it would be completely over and I would never return on any circumstances. I am an emotional and overthinking person and think that cutting complete contact after breaking up is always better than staying friends. Help please.

TL;DR: Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me over FaceTime right before a planned trip because we argued about her strict family boundaries. I told her it was completely over, but now she wants to meet up and talk in a month when I return to university. I don't want to be friends. Any advice about meeting with her?

I (22F) was dating this girl (28F) for 2 years. I never cheated or did anything bad ever I never gave her any type of issue . Back in February we started having some major problems because of her and they kept getting worse as time went on. She cheated on me multiple times and we finally broke up on May 9th. We went no contact for a week but we started talking again and we talked everyday and eventually talked about getting back together. she got cold and distant out of nowhere and ended up confessing she was talking to someone else so i let her be. She comes back saying she misses me and wants this to work and I stupidly took her back and we started talking about fixing things. I had moved to California in the time we separated and she convinced me coming home would be good for our relationship so I booked a flight home and the day before my flight she blocks me cause I “overstimulated” her. Anyways I started texting her as I’m going home and she said she don’t love me and she wishes me the best but it was already to late to back out. In the past month I have reached out trying to figure out what exactly happened ( I did get my answer) but every time I reached out she was so disgustingly mean . She said she’s fully moved on and She called me ugly, she said I’m not patient and this new girl is better than me in a lot of ways. She says she’s happier where she’s at and she’s not coming back and that I’m mental and need to move on with my life. It’s just so mean she’s even had her new gf message me telling me how they were sleeping together the whole time. I honestly don’t know why she’s would even respond if she’s “fully moved on “. But now I’ve now been home a full
Month by myself and I’m still so hurt and like I understand that it’s my fault for allowing her back so many times but this was my first adult relationship and I really wanted it to work. at this point I’m not mad she has a gf or anything because i genuinely do want her happy but i guess i just don’t understand why she’s so mean? Has anyone else experienced this type of treatment after a break up that really wasn’t your fault? Do people ever regret treating people like this? What could be the reason for her acting like that?

My ex broke up with me almost 4 weeks ago because he said we are not compatible and does not see us growing old together. We dated for a year and a half. Wouldn’t you notice non compatibility say in the first couple months and also what makes a relationship non compatible? I also became attached to his kids and they loved me so this breakup is extra hard. I thought we were a great match and got along so well so I certainly was blindsided by all of this. He said he thought about it for a while and didn’t want to prolong the breakup. Ugh this sucks I miss him and his kids so much.

As a girl myself, I really want to ask genuinly that do all of you have that one girl in your life whom you regret hurting?? Because ive seen a lot of men going through this experience, and im not just talking about a lil hurt, im talking about deeply hurting a girl's feelings and later regrting, that you should've chose her. Do men fall in love with that girl, or the regret? Do you ever approach that girl to apologize or talk? Do you fall in love with her? Do you remember her or just find alternatives? And most importantly, why do you guys hurt girls and later regret it?? All these questions are genuine and respectful, please tell your stories respectfully and openly. I really wanna know.

I’m struggling with something that has been affecting my mental peace, and I genuinely want an outside perspective.

I was in a relationship for about four years. My ex was less professionally qualified than me, and that was something I initially struggled with, but I stayed because he was extremely supportive, caring, and emotionally present. He sacrificed a lot for me and, in many ways, put my wellbeing before his own.

However, the relationship also had serious problems. He was very possessive and controlling, stubborn, and he had an alcohol/drug addiction that he hid from me for a long time. Eventually, I reached a point where I couldn't continue.

During that relationship, I became involved with someone else in a long-distance relationship. I cheated on my partner, eventually told him the truth, and ended our relationship quite suddenly.

The person I left him for later cheated on me, manipulated me, and played with my emotions. Eventually, he married someone who, professionally speaking, is more successful than me. That experience completely broke something in me. For the first time, I understood what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you trusted.

Meanwhile, my first ex kept hoping that I would come back for a long time. But by then, I had moved into another serious relationship, so I didn't go back.

Now, four years after our breakup, I find myself missing my first ex terribly. I miss the way he cared about me, the emotional support he gave me, and the feeling that someone genuinely had my back. I also feel enormous guilt because I now understand how deeply I must have hurt him.

The problem is that he has moved on. He is committed to someone else and is apparently getting married soon.

I feel completely stuck. I can't go back to him, and I also don't feel emotionally capable of fully investing in another relationship right now. At the same time, I can't seem to stop thinking about what I lost.

I know I made mistakes. I cheated, I hurt someone who loved me, and I made choices that I regret deeply. I'm not looking for people to tell me that I did nothing wrong. I know I did.

What I don't know is how to move forward from here.

Am I actually missing him, or am I missing the way he loved and cared for me?

How do you deal with the regret of losing someone because of your own choices when you know you can never go back?

And if you've been through something similar, how did you finally make peace with it?

So my boyfriend just broke up with me on Aug 9th… first off, let me say that we we’re best friends before (6 months before) and he waited for me and helped me through a bad situation going on in my life. He was the one person always there for me. I could tell him anything and he’d never judge me. Ok, so the relationship was great in the beginning. We always went fishing together and had so many amazing memories (some of the best times of my life) stuff out of a movie. Several months in I started to self sabotage because it seemed to good to me true. There’s no way this person truly loves me? There’s just no way. I started getting overly emotional and saying things like, “ maybe we should break up, I don’t think this is going to work” things I didn’t mean at all. Also, when I didn’t get his attention I felt not beautiful. Even though I knew he thought I was beautiful logically, it just wasn’t clicking. I never felt like I was enough even though, looking back at all of our memories, he always made it clear that I was. Ok, so he went to a trip to Idaho for an internship. I joined him about a couple weeks in. Everything was great until I started going a little stir crazy bc we were b a tiny apartment and never had the space to really think logically. I think it was really stressing him out. He didn’t understand the panic attack and the constant worrying. He’d play games for hours and I’d overthink bc he wasn’t giving me the attention. There’s also the stress of the fact he might get offered a job and it could possibly be in another state. (Not in the south where I live). We always talked about doing long distance and making it work and then me moving out there at some point. That was causing a lot of stress on me and he kinda freaked out one day and was like maybe this isn’t gonna work. But decided that if I’m willing to work through it and chance my thinking and not say the breaking up thing… it’ll work. Rest of the trip was great. Then when I got back home ( he was there for a couple of weeks after I left) I called him a lot (not like every two minute) but like 3 times a day. He didn’t seem to be putting the effort in and he said bc you don’t give me the chance to because you’re always calling. I stopped calling as much as it got a little better but I asked him about why he doesn’t do the flowers and nice texts anymore and he broke down crying and said he’s scared I’m going to leave him if he moves and that he couldn’t even imagine his life without me. I reassured him and all the effort came back. I was the one thinking more logically at the moment. The next two days were fine but then I started to overthink it again bc he had been doing the same (he doesn’t usually overthink). I started to believe long distance wouldn’t work but I wanted to try. When I saw him for our date (when he got back) it went great but he was talking about it at dinner. I kinda got upset a little. After the movie we went back to the car and well we were intimate and it was perfect but after I got a little upset and started crying bc I was scared and said maybe this isn’t gonna work while he was saying it will if we are both in it. He was comforting me and I said are you ready to go back? So when he dropped me off he said he loved me so much and I didn’t even kiss him or say it back. Then I called him the same night and we talked about it and in a way I feel like I was playing games saying oh maybe this isn’t gonna work bc I was really upset. And the next day he broke it off bc he said I haven’t changed and that it isn’t working.

Obviously no one was there for the good moments so you might say oh he never loved me… but he definitely did. We had something very special. I just screwed up. I really want him back and I keep holding on the the chance he will come back. I was thinking abt maybe reaching out in a month or two (not begging for him back but saying I hate how we left things and check in) I mean we were best friends. We didn’t everything together. I need advice. He’s a very logical person and I feel like I may be delusional lol.

I've been thinking about this lately.

Imagine you've been talking to someone regularly. Nothing bad happened, no argument, no obvious reason - and then one day their replies become shorter, slower, and eventually they basically disappear.

Would you actually ask them what happened, or would you take the hint and stop reaching out?

I'm genuinely curious because I feel like people handle this very differently. Some want an explanation, while others think that silence is the explanation.

My heart is broken. 💔 I had an affair with a guy who is married. I know that what we did was wrong, but I still can't deny that I developed real feelings for him. I expected too much from him. He gave me assurance that he would spare some time for me, but suddenly, he decided to stop and for us to remain friends.

I understand and respect his decision, but it still hurts so much. I guess I became too attached and started hoping for more than what he could actually give. Now, I'm left trying to accept that this is over and that I need to let go.

I'm not expecting anyone to justify what I did. I just want to share what I'm going through because right now, my heart feels so heavy. I hope I can heal from this as soon as possible and eventually forgive myself for getting into this situation.

For those who have been through something similar, how did you cope and move on? 💔