r/Breakupadvice

[supprimé]

Two months after our breakup, I found out my ex had started seeing someone else. Technically I know she had every right to do that, but the timeline and everything surrounding it is what I’m struggling to understand.

I (53 M) was in a 2.5 year relationship with my girlfriend (33 F).

We have a pretty big age gap (she reached out to me originally) but it was something we openly discussed and it was never a defining issue in our relationship.

We talked often about marriage, having a family, and building a life together. She told me often that I was her person, that she would always choose me, that she would always choose us, and that she wanted to get married and start our life together.

But… our relationship happened during the hardest season of my life.

Before this difficult season, I had always been someone people would describe as very successful. I had a strong career, built and owned my home, and had always been able to provide a very good life and take care of myself and those I love.

Then I went through a combination of personal health issues that required me to step away from work, followed by a difficult economy and downturn in my industry that made finding the right opportunity much harder than expected.

What I thought would be a temporary setback turned into almost three years of rebuilding my career and getting back on my feet.

During that time there was stress, uncertainty, financial hardship, legal issues connected to that financial strain, and a lot of shame because this was not the life I was accustomed to living and not what I wanted for her.

She met me during this hardest chapter of my life.

She stayed through it.

I know that wasn’t easy for her either.

Eventually, about a year before the actual breakup, she moved out.

Not because we stopped loving each other or because the relationship was ending, but because the financial strain, uncertainty, and some trust issues connected to everything we were going through had created a difficult dynamic and she needed to “reset” herself.

Even though she moved out, the intention was that we would continue working on ourselves and the relationship.

And we did.

We continued our relationship, continued talking about our future, and eventually started discussing her moving back into the house.

Then in March of this year, right as we were planning for her to move back in, my financial situation unexpectedly worsened again and hit its lowest point.

There was a real possibility I might lose my house or have to sell it. There was also a possibility if I couldn’t turn things around quickly. That I might have to leave the state where we live and move back home (out of state) until I could get back on my feet again.

Instead of asking her to step back into that uncertainty with me, I made what I thought at the time was the loving decision.

I ended the relationship.

Not because I stopped loving her.

Not because I didn’t want a future with her.

But because I believed I couldn’t ask the woman I loved to move back into my home, start to build a life with me, knowing there was the potential of everything collapsing 30–60 days later.

I thought I needed to step away temporarily, get myself and my circumstances back to a healthy and stable place, and then come back to her once I was able to provide the future we both wanted.

I now understand the flaw in that thinking.

I made a decision for her instead of with her.

I thought I was protecting her.

She experienced it as me leaving her.

After the breakup, I continued telling her that I loved her, that I missed her, that I didn’t want this, that I wanted us, and that I continued to fight for us.

I continued updating her on my job search because, in my mind, that was the main obstacle that was keeping us apart and that I was fighting to overcome.

After the breakup, I asked multiple times to spend time together, but she declined, saying that it wouldn’t be right considering where things stood with us.

Eventually I stopped asking because I thought giving her space while I worked on myself was the right thing to do.

During that time, she also said things that made me believe there was still hope.

She told me she loved me.

She told me she missed me.

She told me she believed we were supposed to do life together.

She told me she wasn’t giving up on us and was trying to be a supportive of my decision.

Later, she told me she cared deeply about me and hoped that maybe one day life would bring us back together in a healthier place.

About 45 days after the March breakup, her tone changed.

She told me she couldn’t keep living in the uncertainty of an up future anymore and that she needed to focus on herself.

Looking back, I understand now that she may have been communicating that she was beginning to let go.

At the time, because of everything we had continued saying to each other, I interpreted it differently.

I thought she meant she needed to focus on herself, the same way I was focusing on getting myself and my circumstances healthier, with the hope that we would find our way back together.

I did not understand it to mean she was emotionally moving toward being open to someone else.

About 90 days after the breakup, I finally got the job offer I had spent years fighting for.

To me, the major external circumstance that had been hurting our relationship had finally changed.

Within hours of getting the offer, I went to see her because I wanted to tell her I was ready to get married and start building the life we had talked about.

That’s when I found out she was seeing someone else.

To clarify, I found out around 90 days after the breakup, but based on what I know, she had started seeing him before that, somewhere around the 60-day mark.

I did not know before that moment.

She had not told me she had started dating or that her feelings had changed to the point where she was open to another relationship.

When I asked why/how, she told me she accepted my decision and moved forward.

She viewed the relationship as having ended in March.

I viewed it as a period where we were apart but still working toward finding our way back.

Obviously, those were two very different interpretations.

I know I ended the relationship.

I know she had every right to accept that and move on.

I know I made mistakes.

I know ending the relationship hurt her.

I was hurting during that time period too. I wasn’t moving on from her. I believed I was working my way back to her.

Looking at both sides, do you think this was two people who genuinely loved each other but handled a painful situation poorly?

I know she had every right to accept that decision and move forward.

At the same time, I’m having a hard time reconciling the things we continued saying to each other after the breakup with how quickly everything changed.

For people who have experienced something similar, how do you understand a situation where one person viewed the breakup as the end, while the other believed they were still working toward finding their way back?

For me, even after finding out she’s with someone else, which has been the worst few weeks of my life, the idea of me being with another woman repulses me.

How do people process someone they deeply loved being able to move forward faster than they can?

I genuinely want honest opinions and perspectives from both sides, including where I went wrong. I know I’m viewing this through my own hurt, so I’m trying to understand what other people see from the outside.

It was truly love at first sight. I put in the effort to initiate contact and get to know her well enough to ask her on a date. We’ve been dating for almost 2 months however, she’s been on a vacation with her best friend and it’s gonna be exactly one month…. When she left it was our 1 month anniversary and when she gets back it’ll be our 2 month anniversary. Do I sound crazy for saying that I know wholeheartedly she’s the woman I want to marry? Any advice is appreciated.
Thank you in advance

Hey everyone. First things first, I know a lot of us are here for the same reason, so I just want to tell all of you who are struggling right now, I’m really sorry. This is a terrible feeling and it’s currently crushing me right now. So to those of you are in the same boat as me, you are not alone.

Okay, so I got blindsided by my breakup just this Friday and I can’t even begin to tell you how torn up I am. When I was told, I tried to come from an understanding place, but everything I said seemed to come off the wrong way, so we ended things by coming to an agreement that I’d reach out to her at a later date. That way she’ll have some space and I can collect my thoughts.

If my intention is to have a good conversation that’ll give her some things to ponder, what’s a good approach to take?

The goal, and I’m not afraid to say it, is to maybe leave the door open for reconciliation. Whether that now, or later in life. What’s y’all’s advice?

My boyfriend recently broke up with me after two years and eight months. This blindsided me mostly because we were doing good. Yes we had our ups and downs, but there was always a great foundation no abuse no infidelity. I was even in his child’s life for two of those years up until the very last day, we were spending time with each other. I spent the night that weekend did his daughter‘s hair on Sunday. I was broken up with on Tuesday.

There are some other things at play, but he was under a lot of stress from work, interviewing, and waiting to hear back from a big promotion, and also facing financial hardship. I was there through the whole process. I loved him regardless I told him I wanted him to take that job, ONLY if he wanted it and he would be happy. It can be important for a man to have a purpose. In the prior months money was a big focus. He stated I need money for our future to take our relationship to the next level. I need money if I’m gonna be with you, it’s gonna make me happy. In the past, he’s also stated that when he doesn’t have money, he is not a good person.

He was distant slightly in the prior months and I’m not gonna lie my mind went to the worst place that maybe he was having an affair. In the past if he’s overwhelmed, he does become distant, isolated, and shuts himself in to deal with his issues. When he broke up with me, it was after he went completely went silent on me on a Monday and I honestly just only cared if he was alive I asked him about this and told him that I wanted to talk.

He told me that after last night he no longer wished to have any further discussions that I always wanted to have long talks about things he wasn’t doing right, And that he wanted to go our separate ways and move on. That’s when he told me that we had been having consistent issues and each month I’m always bringing up something
that he’s doing wrong and things aren’t fun anymore.

But that isn’t true of course things weren’t fun. He was on a financial diet and I respected that but I consistently still did my duties as a good partner. I cooked I brought over food. I helped him with the care of his daughter. I gave him verbal emotional and physical support. We didn’t live with each other because I stand strong on my boundary that I didn’t wanna move in until we were married. I was of course distraught and he told me he had been feeling like this for a while. I told him that we were telling each other that we loved each other that we were planning on getting married he said yes I do love you but just because you love someone doesn’t mean you wanna be in a relationship with them. He said he needed to focus on his career and his child.

I feel completely abandoned and used. The prior months I felt like I was over giving, and the things that I was wanting to talk to him about or that I was asking from him were non-monetary things such as emotional support quality time and verbal affirmations.

Is there anyone out there that can help give me insight?

Sorry in advance as this is long but I feel it have to go into detail to paint a better picture. I (32 F) have been with my SO (47 M) for 11 years now. To be honest our relationship has never been great. We had kids super early in the relationship. He was never there for me through my pregnancies, I have never felt more alone than when I was with him through those pregnancies. I had emergency c sections with both and he also wasn't there for me through that. He didn't help with the baby because he needed sleep for work. So I did everything alone right after major surgery. Taking care of the baby and older kids, the house, all me. He didnt hold my hand while I was in labor or getting cut open. Fast forward and when our youngest was around 1 he had a febrile seizure in the middle of the night in my arms, I was hysterical, as most parents would be. I didnt have a car at the time and he said he couldn't drive us to the hospital as he only had enough gas to get to work. I called my mom crying and she came and got us and took us. He slept the whole time, never called to check, didn't even check on his baby after we got home, just continued to sleep. I haven't trusted him with my kids since and really they dont trust him either, they know mommy has their back but really that's all. Fast forward to the present day and hes without a car. Let me first say that every car hes ever had since we've been together, I've paid half on and the last car he had I gave him. The truck was supposed to be a gift to me for taking care of my grandmother for years for my mom. Anyways my car was having trouble, and I was tired of leaving my kids home alone every night to go get him 30 minutes away so I stopped taking him, basically forcing him to get a transfer to a closer store. He messaged his mom, basically whining he didnt have a way. His mom went on and on about how I'm a spoilt brat because I wouldn't let him take my car (the car I use to get our kids back and forth that belongs to me). And how bad hes treated. He just said "yeah" and went along with what she said. She messaged me too cussing me out. Even after saying how bad it hurt my feeling's it was "I just thought cutting her off would be best, if I say something she'll go to my brother and he'll cause a scene at my work". I dont really believe that but even if it was true it just shows how absolutely crazy and pathetic that family is. This isn't the first time he hasn't defended me, he wouldn't even defend his kids when she talked bad about them, and to add insult to injury he hasnt cut her off, hes still messaging her telling her he loves and misses her. She's not in our lives by choice, though I dont mind because after all she's done, I don't want trash in my life. I'm starting to really see what my parents see and understand why they want so desperately for me to get with someone who loves and respects me and I'm so close to the point of saying "ok, get out of my house and go live with mommy because I'm done".

Tldr my bf is happy in the relationship but I’m not.
Me F24 and my bf M25 have been together for almost 3 years now, but after we went to live together, the reality got to a point where I honestly don’t know what to do.
We have multiple problems, the bigger one being the fact that I just don’t like having sex, it’s not him, my libido is just very very low.
Another HUGE problem is that he’s one of those people who already have his life planned and he just can’t understand that not everyone wants to live the way he planned to live.
I tried, THRUST ME I TRIED SOOOOOO MANY TIMES to talk to him about our problems, but he behaves like he’s always right and in the weird one for not wanting to live the way he wants to live, like I’m the weird one for not having an high sex drive, in weird because I want to get a lot of tattoos, in weird because I don’t wanna become a mom, in weird because I wanna stay skinny and not eat fat foods every day.
He doesn’t allow me to be myself and sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even like the persone that I actually am.
Lately I broke no contact with a guy I had a crush on a few years ago, and even if I totally lost hope in love and relationships, I was happy to break no contact, this might be the straw that breaks the camel back.
But I still love him and I don’t wanna hurt him in any way, the idea of breaking up with him terrifies me.
I don’t know what to do.
Please give me an advice I feel so lost.
(English is not my native language please don’t be bitter about my spelling)

I (23F) have anxious attachment, and I know that's playing a role here. My boyfriend (22M) and I were together for almost four years in a long-distance relationship.

A few weeks ago, he went away for a training program. From the very first day he kept talking about different women there. One teacher was "pretty," then there was an older woman he mentioned, then stories about girls who talked to him and girls he talked to. He even listened to one girl's relationship problems, which was completely out of character for him. When I asked why, he said it was because I'd find the story interesting. I already had trust issues, so all of this made my anxiety much worse. And the trust issues are because of him

At the same time, I was overwhelmed with exam stress, PMS, and other personal issues. I was emotionally exhausted and, in a moment of panic, I brought up breaking up. Looking back, I don't think I genuinely wanted to end the relationship. I was just overwhelmed. The next day I realized I didn't want us to break up.

Later that day my anxiety became unbearable. I rarely ask him for emotional support because he doesn't really like dealing with emotions, but I thought once in a while would be okay. I called him and said, "Babe, I need you. Can you just talk to me?" Instead of comforting me, he said things like, "You stay at home and do nothing," and "Go study." He had just come back after spending the day with his friends and it was his day off, so it hurt even more. I ended the call by saying, "Okay, I won't disturb you anymore." He replied, "I'll handle you tomorrow."

The next day he called once. I didn't pick up. He called again that night, so I answered. The conversation was completely normal and lasted maybe two minutes. I wasn't rude or cold. Then from the very next day... nothing. No calls. No messages.

For the first time in almost four years, I didn't call either. I've always been the one begging, reaching out, fixing things, because I couldn't bear losing him. This time I didn't want to boost his ego by once again being the one who came back after he treated me badly.

It's been 8 days now. The confusing part is that he's extremely avoidant and has ghosted before, then returned acting like nothing happened. So part of me still keeps hoping he'll come back. But this time feels different.

Every no contact he keeps posting gym updates on WhatsApp like everything is normal but this time he didn’t do that . I can see his profile picture but I wonder if he deleted my number. We were sharing our locations through Find My. (His idea)For my own mental health, I stopped sharing mine, but I could still see his. The next day he stopped sharing his too. I posted a video of my bestie(f) suddenly he changed his pfp .

Then on Day 2, through my friend's account (because we don't follow each other anymore and his account is private), I saw he had followed four girls from his training. Since then his followers and following have kept increasing.

Meanwhile I'm barely eating, barely sleeping, vomiting from anxiety sometimes, and I can't focus on my studies. I'm constantly checking whether he's online on WhatsApp, checking if his location changes, and asking people to see if he's followed more girls. I don't even recognize myself anymore, and honestly I'm ashamed of how obsessive I've become.

It feels like he moved on in seconds while I'm still trying to survive the breakup. My brain keeps telling me our three year relationship meant nothing to him and that he's already talking to other girls.

I know nobody here can tell me exactly what he's thinking, but I'd really like to hear from people with avoidant attachment or anyone who's been in a similar situation. What do you think he's feeling? Do avoidants usually come back after going silent like this?I don’t wanna be obsessed but I can’t stop . I am constantly keeping my hopes up.

Okay so I know how the title sounds. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 and half months. We became a couple 1 month after my ex had broken up with me. Me and my ex were in a relationship for 4 months and it was my first ever relationship. I put 100% into everything with her and the relationship felt perfect. After a mistake on my half where I came to her house too early for a party she said she lost trust with me and she then broke up with me. A few days after the initial breakup we made up and had plans to get back together, but after a bunch of drama with friends we didn’t and broke contact.

Weeks after the breakup I met another girl and fell for her instantly, she was beautiful, had an amazing style and such a bubbly personality. We became a couple and things felt really refreshing and amazing with her, 2 months into the relationship I started to miss my ex, I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stop it, she was all that was on my mind and it ruined my moments with my girlfriend since I thought about her while I was with my girlfriend.

After my girlfriend and I got in a fight for her feeling like a therapist after I vented to her after a horrible day at work. We stopped talking for a week since I felt a barrier between us, during this week I looked back on cute videos that my ex had sent me when we were together. I then made a questionable decision. I texted my ex, I still had her number and there was an unsent message from months ago and I pressed send on that message. The next morning I got a text back and she could tell it was me instantly, we made up asked about each-others lives and we worked things out. She invited me to a party that my girlfriend wasn’t invited to. I continued to go to the party and during the party my ex and I had a private talk where she admitted that she still liked me, I knew that I still loved her ever since the breakup and told her that I still liked her aswell. We made a plan to spend the day together the next day as friends. After the day together which was basically a date, I knew I had to breakup with my girlfriend.

We made plans to meet up at a park near her place since I wanted her to be close to home as possible when I broke up with her. I told her that I feel like things weren’t working out and I wanted to end the relationship. She immediately started crying at the park and her house was in walking distance so I asked her if she would prefer to go home and do this. We walked to her house and I continued to breakup with her in her living room, there were a lot of tears and I told her that I wasn’t over my ex and that was why I’m breaking up. I knew I had to breakup in person because she deserved that, my ex broke up with me over text and I knew to do it in person. Am I a horrible person?

- Me and my ex were in 4 year relationship. He is a DA, i fall towards anxious side. Hot and cold relationship.

- He discarded me in May, he always discards and then, after a month or two, when he finds an opening…..he comes back crawling, begging and everything.

- It was a very harsh and brutal discard, i begged and everything. He said he doesn’t feel a thing for me so eventually i stopped.

- I saw a few days ago that he isn’t doing good in the game that he plays, somehow since, we broke up his score was consistently low.

- Somehow, it concerned me, i couldn’t stop myself so i wished him luck and prayed for him to have a good match. I didn’t think of anything else.

- Now, he is back with his life update where in every field he is facing lows.

- After hearing everything, i felt bad for him, i do want to support him because i genuinely care for him, but i donot want him back as my partner.

- He is making his promises like he always does that he’ll change, handle everything. But i waited all these 4 years for him to change, he didn’t.

What should i do? I am so damn confused.

so i can’t delve into details because it will ruin my whole day, but basically i broke up with my ex because i was insecure, and really couldn’t accept a good person loved me. i was upset about something and wanted him to chase me, and he lost his patience and just went completely ghost. i broke up with him in an immature and inconsiderate way, at a time when he needed me.

i saw him about a month ago, and we spent the night together. i essentially begged for him back and he kept saying he can’t get back together with me because it would be unfair to him. which is understandable

it did really hurt knowing he knew how badly i regret my decision and wanted him back yet he still slept with me.

i’ve been spending everydya in absolute agony and regret. he was loyal and kind, he was funny and understanding. he wanted to get married and spend the rest of our lives together, and i threw it all away.

now everyday i think about him constantly. it’s honestly so painful that i’ve had suicidal ideation and im wildly depressed. i do have a therapist and psychiatrist,and am on anti depressants. i still have trouble eating and sleeping and it’s been 4 months

i know all i can do now is become a better person and learn from this. but does anyone have any advice on how you began to move on, and stopped putting them on a pedestal? how did you forgive yourself? how did you deal with the fact they will move on and marry someone else? it’s really ruining my life. i just want to be rid of this pain

Hi, so my ex and I dated for a little more than a year and it ended because both of us were toxic but I was the Mai initiator of the issues. So during our end days it was an on and off kind of situations. I said no matter what we do we are not committed rn and he had a flat at that time. My friend and I needed a place to stay as we had an event and he offered it to us and I told him that we are still friends only and he can’t stay with my friend and I to which he agreed. My friend told me that she won’t stay as she wanted to go Back to her place and I did not want to spend the night with my bf at that time.
I had hinge during our break and met a guy from there and we hooked up. The next day I told him wtv happened and he was not ready to believe me but he eventually did when he saw the chats. This is how it basically ended.
I had then drunk called or texted him sometimes and basically in may we hooked up again. He told this thing to a classmate of his. Now this girl has been an everlasting problem in our relationship. He says he has no feelings for her but he needs her help as they are In Same dept and everything. I have seen his chats and calls but I have never seen any signs of cheating. He’s always been like I don’t like her but have to talk to her because of wtv course or something.
But why he is telling her all this so comfortably as he always said that he doesn’t consider her a friend or anything. They work together only.
I dong feel for my ex now but we talked today and he told me that he told her about when we hooked up after the break up and I don’t get why can’t i let that girl go. I don’t have this many issues With his exes but I can’t let that girl go and I feel more irritated because I don’t really have this issue of being insecure regarding women.
Ik I have done my own share of bad things but I just want to know how to let that girl when it comes to my ex.

Me F20 and my boyfriend M21 have been together for nearly 6 months, know each other for 10 months. At first it was good but recently we’ve been rocky. At first we’d argue a lot over certain factors like his family not accepting me and then silly arguments.

We went on holiday and we got into an argument he was saying really hurtful tings to me and some of it cut deep but obviously I forgave him because he’s my boyfriend. Then we got into another argument, he sent a video of me to his friends where I felt abit uncomfortable with him sending it. I told him and he got mad saying I’m accusing him of sending something where I was naked. I had no bottoms on and you could see it in the mirror in the camera. Fair enough when you slow it down it’s blurry but to me I still felt uncomfortable. He crashed out started throwing his phone, punching the bed, he kicked the hotel wall and it broke, he broke a chair. It all happened so quick, I was scared so I left the room. After when he calmed down he apologised and said he was gonna take anger management. But he never said he was wrong he just said you made me angry that’s why I reacted like that.

Yesterday, we went to get food. I could tell he was in a bad mood because he was barely talking. I’m sure it was someone on his phone because he got a phone call. We was walking home and out of nowhere and he punched the wall in the public street. I jumped and said “what tf is wrong with you”. When we got back to mine I pulled him up about it. He said he’s got a lot of anger in him and that he’s an angry person. Then he went on to say all these hurtful things. I think told him he being aggressive isn’t normal, that if I told my mum or friends they wouldn’t think this is acceptable. I told him to tell his friend what he did on holiday and he said he’s did and they said it’s my fault because I accused him. That made me so angry that they are validating that behaviour.

Towards the end the last thing he said was he’s got better things to do then see me. So I said leave and I broke up with him.

Idk if I should’ve because of course I love him and it was the heat of the moment, yes this is the bad stuff but when we’re good we’re good. But at the same time, he need to work on that, I can’t be with someone that is angry all the time.

I told him if he works on it maybe we can get back together but he didn’t hear that all he heard was we’re not together and just left it at that.

What do you think?

Sssoooo I’m a guy (not that it matters) and I recently found out that I am bi… (saw a cute guy and thought he was cute, that’s the short version of the story) and when I told my girlfriend that I think I might be bi, she said “oh… great!” and then wouldn’t respond to any of my texts or anything, and so I went over to her house and saw her with another guy doing… Stuff… I confronted her about it and she called me a crazy stalker and how she “can’t date a f*ggot” so I broke up with her right there while the dude behind her was still naked, struggling to put his clothes on and the funniest thing is, the dude‘s girlfriend started calling him! Did I make the right decision?

What happened? Do we still have a chance

From my perspective, he always seemed emotionally much younger than his actual age. He could be incredibly loving, affectionate, and vulnerable, but he also seemed overwhelmed by emotions that most adults eventually learn to regulate.

He desperately wanted to feel loved and accepted. At the beginning of our relationship, he talked about marriage, called me his wife, imagined a future together, and seemed genuinely attached to me. At the same time, he often appeared deeply afraid that I would abandon him. There were moments when he begged me not to leave him, cried in my arms, and looked completely heartbroken at the thought of losing me when smth was wrong. Those moments never felt manipulative to me—they felt genuine. I truly believed he was terrified of being left.

He cried much more easily than most men I had known. Whenever he felt overwhelmed, ashamed, or scared that our relationship was in danger, he often broke down emotionally. I spent a lot of time comforting him, reassuring him that I loved him, holding him, hugging him, kissing him, and trying to help him feel safe again. I wanted him to believe that we were on the same team and that problems could be solved together.

One pattern repeated itself many times. When I brought up something that had hurt me, his first reaction was often defensive. He would snap at me, become irritated, or argue back. But if I stayed calm and continued talking instead of escalating the conflict, something usually changed. He would stop arguing, become very quiet, simply listen, and after a while he would often start crying. It often felt as though his initial defensiveness was protecting him from emotions that became too overwhelming once he finally allowed himself to hear what I was saying.

His emotional reactions sometimes seemed surprisingly childlike. I remember one occasion when he was crying so intensely that he called out for his mother. That moment stayed with me because it reflected how overwhelmed and emotionally helpless he could become under stress. Rather than being able to regulate his emotions on his own, he seemed to instinctively seek the comfort and safety he associated with his mother.

At the same time, whenever the relationship became emotionally demanding, something seemed to change inside him. Instead of staying present and working through the conflict together, he often became emotionally flooded. He struggled to tolerate criticism or disappointment without feeling personally rejected. It frequently seemed as though he interpreted conflict as evidence that I no longer loved him.

When that happened, he became defensive, withdrawn, or emotionally overwhelmed. Sometimes he shifted the focus toward his own pain rather than addressing the issue that had hurt me. I often felt that instead of solving the problem together, I first had to calm him down so that we could even begin talking.

He also had great difficulty taking responsibility for his own decisions. When I confronted him about something painful, he often answered with statements like, "But you said I could," or "You told me not to come." It felt as though he relied on my words to justify his actions instead of making independent adult decisions and accepting their consequences.

He depended heavily on external sources of emotional security. His self estime was very dependent on everyone. Over time I felt less like an equal partner and more like someone who had to regulate both his emotions and my own.

He appeared to have fragile self-esteem. On one hand, he needed reassurance and emotional support. On the other hand, he often protected himself through principles, politics, or rigid positions that made it difficult for him to admit mistakes or tolerate feeling wrong. It sometimes seemed easier for him to defend an idea than to admit vulnerability or guilt.

I don't think he lacked feelings. Quite the opposite—I believe he felt emotions very intensely. The problem, as I experienced it, was that he didn't know how to manage those emotions in a healthy, adult way. Love, fear, shame, disappointment, and conflict all seemed to overwhelm him. During peaceful moments he wanted closeness, affection, and reassurance, but when emotions became too intense, he often withdrew instead of staying connected and working through the problem.

That is what made our relationship so confusing. The same person who cried in my arms, begged me not to leave, dreamed about our future together, and seemed devastated by the idea of losing me was also capable of walking away when the relationship became difficult. I never doubted that he loved me in his own way. I doubted whether he had the emotional maturity and stability necessary to х a healthy long-term partnership.

Month of NC passed. Do we still have a chance? Will he be able to get over his ego?

Hi. Me and my ex both in our early twenties have now been broken up for nearly 3 months. There are a lot I've been thinking so I figured I wanted some of you guys' advice.

We broke up 3 months ago, on his terms, due to a problem that has been pressisting for months before. The truth is, we have been on and off for months before this final breakup as well and we haven't figured out a certain way to solve the problems but I had a concrete plan that might have solved it a few days before we broke up and I was waiting for his free time to discuss about it. But he decided to break up that day and no matter what I said, that didn't help anymore. One strange thing about that breakup was that, in the past, whenever we broke up (mostly from my side first), he'd always tell me that we would definitely meet in the future again and that he would deffo make it work out with me after we all have achieved our goals. But this time, there was nothing. It was just 'just hate me' and he was sentimental and sweet on the night that we broke up but ever since after that day, he changed like a completely different person. I tried to reach out to him, to beg him to stay and to apologize for that one problem that I did wrong and he ignored me for days without replying while going out with his friends. He would come back at every now and then to talk intimate things (sexually) with me and I would accept it because that was the only time I had his full attention.

So, I was like spending the first one month waiting for him to come back and yearning. What I got to know at the end of that month was, he was courting another girl, probably a week after our breakup. And he was putting his all effort into that girl as well, that's what I heard. That broke me because those little contact with him throughout the months kept me anticipating. So I finally tried to move on but he'd always come back every now and then and give me a little bit of affection and then disappear.

During the later two months, we kept this almost-constant contact but we talked so bad to each other (but no cussing or stuff like that) and that eventually settled down and now he wants to try again. I still love him and i don't know I think he still loves me. What should I do? His friends told me that he only came back bc that girl he was courting rejected him and now seems to be courting a new one but he said he's not courting anyone. I allowed the contact for this whole 3 months too. These days, we've been having nice and peaceful connections and I alr told him that i don't wanna get back ever again but I'm changing my mind again... Any advices?

I (21M) was in a relationship with my girlfriend (21F) for almost 6 years. She wasn't just my girlfriend; she was my best friend and the person I talked to every single day.

Around two weeks ago, everything suddenly changed.

It started with her becoming distant. Calls stopped, replies became shorter, and she said she needed "some time." I panicked because I had never imagined losing her. I kept asking for reassurance, sent long messages, apologized repeatedly, and tried to fix things.

From her side, she told me she had been emotionally hurt for years. She said that during school and even later I didn't call enough, meet enough, or make her feel prioritized. I accepted that I wasn't perfect, but I genuinely believed I had changed over the last few years. She felt those patterns were still there.

At one point she explicitly told me:

"Yes I love you, but I want a break."

She explained that a break meant a pause, not the end. She even said we could stay friends until we met and talked things through.

So I finally calmed down and agreed to give her space.

Then, only a few days later, she sent me this:

"I've spent a lot of time thinking about you and us these days and I've realized it's better for us not to continue this further... I hope we don't lose this friendship."

That completely shattered me.

What makes it harder is that only days before all this, she was still saying she loved me. Throughout our relationship she used to tell me things like "I'll always choose you" and "breakup is never happening."

During this time she also brought up things from school (3–6 years ago) as reasons for how she feels today, which confused me because I thought we had both grown since then.

I admit I also made mistakes. When she became distant, I became anxious. I begged, sent too many messages, asked for calls repeatedly, and probably overwhelmed her instead of giving her the space she asked for.

After the breakup message, I told her I couldn't be "just friends." I removed her from social media because I knew I couldn't watch someone I still loved as if nothing had happened.

I'm not here to be told she's evil or that I'm perfect. I know relationships are rarely that simple.

My questions are:

Was it unfair to go from "I love you, I want a break" to "I don't want to continue" within such a short time?

Did my anxious behavior after she asked for space push her further away?

Was I wrong to refuse friendship and cut contact for my own healing?

If you were in my position, what would you have done differently?

I'm looking for honest opinions, even if they're difficult to hear

Around the time we started having small arguments more often, we gradually began to drift apart. He got tired of my behavior, and eventually his feelings for me faded. At that time, I was going through a really difficult period, and he had just started a new job, so I honestly think neither of us had much emotional energy to give.
After one of our fights, when we made up, it felt like he was genuinely trying again, and I was trying too. During that period, though, he seemed a little distant. A couple of times I told him, “If you want to break up, I’ll be okay. If you’re only staying with me out of kindness and forcing yourself to be here, it’s okay.” But he would only reply with things like, “No, it’s okay, don’t worry,” or “When you keep saying that, it sounds like you’re the one who wants to break up.” Because of that, I didn’t choose to end the relationship.
About a week and a half later, I couldn’t handle how much his attitude had changed, so I asked him, “Do you still love me?” At first he hesitated, but when I asked him to give me a clear answer, he said, “No.” So I said, “Then I guess this is the end.” He replied, “Probably.” I told him, “No, It’s not probably.” Then he said, “So for sure.”
I told him that I still thought we could be together and that I still wanted to be with him. I asked, “Don’t you even want to try one more time?” He said, “I tried, but I couldn’t do anything. I don’t want to try anymore.”
So I thanked him for everything, and he thanked me too.
After that, I blocked his contact information. But the next day, I couldn’t help myself and sent him a message saying, “I’m sorry for contacting you out of nowhere, but I still want to be with you.” He hasn’t replied yet, and now I’m waiting for an answer.
What do you think he’s thinking right now?
Sorry, English isn’t my first language.

I swear to god, it’s like I’m fucking mental or missing a couple screws. TBH I just got out of a toxic relationship and we had been friends for three years and during the third year I started idolizing him, he became my muse, the only reason for my endless poems and songs about love and we got together finally and lasted a year and 11 months. The first year was a blessing, he was the one person I could be goofy with and the apple of my eye, he had this affect on me that just made him the only attractive person in the room, just entirely way too sexy at all times. But as the year had ended it all went to shit. He started constantly lusting over other women(mostly celebrities) constantly as we were watching films or whatever and it just really tore down my self confidence. The moment I had enough courage to stand up for myself he would get upset and I’d end up apologizing for even reacting to his disrespectful behavior. This hurt so deeply because he was the only person I could ever love, to the point where it felt like incest or something similar to that disgust if I were to imagine myself with anyone else in bed. He was constantly putting me down and making me feel outright miserable for being myself. Our sex life was average and nothing too crazy but for some reason, during the act I had this insanely euphoric energy that was mainly absorbed in an emotional manner, not sexual. But regardless of its source I felt completely addicted to it, not in the sense that i always wanted to have sex or anything if anything I initiated less common than he would. I was addicted in a way in which getting it from anywhere else felt wrong, inauthentic and boring. My fascination of who he was before he started to hate me was found in glimpses between intimate moments but it was fleeting, and I made the decision to cut him off completely as it was eating my soul. But now I struggle with being able to truly be attracted to anyone right now. I went on a date recently and put out on the first date with a man I wasn’t even attracted to but his ability to maintain eye contact and compliment me was enough for me to try and have my needs met but I felt nothing. No emotional spark, just boredom. I honestly really hope I can manage to rid the image of his face from my brain so I can start from scratch. I struggle whether or not I could be A-sexual and self harming with the duty of sex bc it voids my fears of abandonment which leads me to use it as a tool of reassurance or if I’m actually just still healing or some bullshit.
TL:dr