u/berkewk

To give some context, we have known each other for almost four years; we met at a university club. After some time, we hit it off and hung out for a month, but I was going abroad for four months, so I ended things with her face-to-face and respectfully. After I returned, I wanted to apologize to her, and I did. We became friends but couldn’t stay just friends for long and began dating shortly after (initiated by me).

We had our ups and downs. While I was living in a dorm, she was staying with her family, so in the evenings we started hanging out in her car. However, her family always demanded that she come home early. I was very frustrated, and we always argued over this. I wanted her to stand up for herself or tell some white lies like "I am staying with a friend" to spend more time with me, or maybe stay in her car overnight with me, but she always refused and said it would be impossible and inconvenient. After I moved into a house with a couple of friends, I found out she could actually lie to her family, and she began staying over once a week, but never twice.

She would usually time her sleepovers at my place with nights she went out partying with friends, coming home late (around 2:00 AM) just to sleep. She would then leave before 5:00 PM the next day. I felt like she always prioritized plans with her friends, and I was just the backup option if those plans fell through. I wanted to sit down and plan actual dates, but she never had time or was always tired since she worked part-time and had less free time than me. Our average date frequency was less than once a week (I know because I was counting).

For this summer, we have been talking about going on a vacation abroad. She said she wanted me to plan everything, but I wanted us to plan it together. We couldn't find the time, and then I got accepted as a summer intern in a different city, so the whole plan died. I tried to find alternatives, like meeting up over a weekend and maybe requesting two days off to extend the trip. Again, we couldn't find time to plan, and she never initiated any long conversations about it. Our talks were always just end-of-the-day reports, then sleep, and back to work the next day. After fighting about this, we agreed to rent a place for a weekend in the city where I was working to spend some time together. This was the first time in 2.5 years that she was going to travel to see me. I had always offered to have her visit my family home over the summer, but she always refused. She wouldn't even introduce me to her family, who lives in the same city I attend university in (I introduced her to my family when they visited me, even though they live 8 hours away). Her excuse was that her family wasn't asking to meet me.

So, she asked her parents if she could travel to my city for sightseeing and to meet me. Her parents asked if she would be sleeping in the same bed as me. She lied and said we wouldn't be, and that she was renting a separate place. This conversation felt so absurd that I sarcastically asked her “How old are we? to emphasize that her family was creating unnecessary boundaries like we were children. This was a turning point. We were 8 hours away from each other, having these conversations over FaceTime. She got very offended and told me to stop commenting on her family's decisions. I told her it was impossible because this issue was affecting every aspect of our relationship. My comments were about issues we both were suffering from. I felt that instead of depending on each other, she just wanted to ignore and never talk about how her family was limiting her at 22 years old because it stressed her out.

I had always told myself that after we graduated, we wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I patiently waited for three years and only wanted to express my feelings. One thing led to another, and she said we weren't healthy for each other. She broke up with me over FaceTime, even though we had already rented an Airbnb for the following week. I asked how she could do this over the phone instead of showing the love and respect we had by at least breaking up with me face-to-face. I told her we should still meet up since the place was already rented. She said no and insisted it was for the best.

I haven't crashed out or even cried since then. Probably because I was going to call her the day before to brake up, but I wanted to spend the weekend together first to see if I still cared and wanted to stay with her. I didn't and she dumped me. This was yesterday.

She had some things left at my place in her city so today, I wrote her that she can contact my housemate and get them but she wanted to talk one last time after I return for uni. It is gonna be a month till I return. I said that, I am not promising but okay. Can you give me any advice on meeting up with her? We are already broken up, I don’t think I want to see her again and told her after we are done talking over the phone it would be completely over and I would never return on any circumstances. I am an emotional and overthinking person and think that cutting complete contact after breaking up is always better than staying friends. Help please.

TL;DR: Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me over FaceTime right before a planned trip because we argued about her strict family boundaries. I told her it was completely over, but now she wants to meet up and talk in a month when I return to university. I don't want to be friends. Any advice about meeting with her?