u/Fluffy_Swing_5049

It's been eight months since my (M29) ex fiancee (F28) ended our relationship. In that time ive experienced a roller coaster of emotions. But lately, as in the last two months, all I can feel is anger. Mostly at myself. When I was younger, I used to tell my male friends that it was not worth it to fight for a relationship if the person constantly misunderstood you or brought up break up in every conversation. Yet for the first time, I broke my own rule and fought until the last second. I embarassed myself in a way I never thought possible and looking back, all I feel is anger at myself for absorbing insults, disrespect etc without any pushback. Im detached now but I feel anger at myself for being so attached i begged someone to stay. Is it normal to feel like this eight months out? I wish there was a time machine I could use to unbeg and retract all that pathetic groveling.

My ex fiancee broke up with me four months ago, then after an argument in March, she blocked me everywhere. But her friends kept following me and would view my stories. Weirdly, she kept adding details to the pinterest board she made for our wedding and my sister would get alerts. Didn't know what to make of it at the time. Anyways, I got tired of waiting and begging. And decided to go on a trip I had hoped we'd do together. I actually got an extra hoping shed text me happy birthday. When she didn't, I went to Japan alone and posted it on my stories. Her friends viewed it all. I guess they told her. Because she then deleted that wedding board, mass unfollowed all my friends (whose posts shed been liking right up to last week), and some of her friends unfollowed me. The whole thing has me confused. Was she expecting me to keep waiting after four months? Or to show up at her house and beg with flowers? Or was she hoping to reconcile later? I'm trying to make sense of it all.