u/serendipity_6613

thing is he has never answered my questions.
Never!
No accountability for his actions and behaviour towards me.
Disappearing for weeks on end.
Would still love to know why he came back last time.
He played games, said he loved, looked me in the eyes.
Then left like oh so many times before.
I find out about the many chat sites, fuck sites, private message apps.
So now I know what we had was a lie.
He won’t respond, I contacted him, 3.5 years for what?
A lie, orchestrated by him.
Cuts like a knife and I’m left bleeding 🩸
Only a coward really, I will never be able to forgive or forget.
Hypocritical don’t you think?
Sitting on your high, high horse, demanding me to explain.
With all your betrayals.
How do you really sleep when it’s only you with your own truth.
Oh I know, like a baby.

You’re everywhere but you’re nowhere.
I can hardly believe how careless we were with each other’s heart.
The void is filled with despair and sadness.
And anger.
I waver between my own feelings and thoughts, still so many questions never answered.
I am losing any faith I had in memories of us and questioning if any of it was real.
I really don’t know.
The dissonance is so deep and I don’t have the clarity I once had regarding the past.
I could once access the good memories, no longer.
So much pain I feel right now and the feelings of anger, I cannot abide.
I guess none of this matters anymore and I have to accept that I will never talk or laugh or be with you again.
But I wonder, J, if you think of me?
Us?
Or am I neatly archived away, as though I never existed?