r/LettersForJ

My love, my boss, my buddy

My loveydovey,my ghost,my BFF my casper,my little one,my lobsta my hotness,my gangsta,my the one and only,my one that got away we both been in a roller-coaster the way we expressed our feelings we probably love doing circus at all,lol can we just do it on your bed i know we both are talented in gymnastics anyway im looking forward to do a lot of things with you🤭😄😜

You know actions louder than words are we not having enough being Tom and Jerry or be on a Ghostbusters. Can we atleast try to be inside with bigbrother house for once you never know we might fall in love again🥰😘

From ur stubbornness

Crazy J

The weight in my chest has found its way back to me. Every now and then, it feels as though my heart forgets to beat, and the air slips from my lungs in the silence between moments. Being apart from you has become unbearable.

J,

I know last time we spoke, you tried to let me down easy. I could feel it in the subtle cues you gave about the barriers between us, which is why I didn’t come on to you any stronger than I already was. I pulled back to try to be respectful and not make you uncomfortable. But parts of me wonder how much of that was because of your fears. How much of that was due to your difficulty trusting or accepting what we had with each other? I want you to know that when you mentioned how complicated everything is, I recognized that, and I would have done it all over again. It was a pleasure to get to know you, to be known by you and to love you. I also recognize, though, that you still got jealous over me, and I could see that. I know some of those lingering feelings are there. I would never do anything to push your boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable, but I can’t help noticing. To notice and wonder how much of the love you claimed to have for me is still there and hasn’t been smothered by our circumstances. Near the end of our interaction, I made a joke tied back to our circumstances, and you laughed. It reminded me of how much I missed seeing you happy and laughing; it was my favourite thing. Despite knowing you for so long, not in the same depth, of course. But regardless, I feel like I never saw you laugh or smile enough. You’re so beautiful, handsome and sexy when you’re happy, it takes my breath away. I know you have a million reasons to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but I wish you could be happier. I wish I could have been the one to make you happy like we talked about. I keep thinking about that night when I apologized to you for having to take on so much. And you had said, “It’s okay”. I wish I could have told you, in hindsight, that you’re so strong and altruistic, and that I see how deeply you care about your family. It’s one of the things that I find most attractive about you. I love you so much, and I miss you so deeply.

I was in your town again. The one where we made so many beautiful, Sexy memories. I was near your house. Stopping in some of your old haunts. Walked through places we used to go together. I wanted so badly just to catch sight you... just a glimpse... a side shot... even the back of your head. I still think of you constantly. I'm going out of my mind without you. I wonder how you are... if you're ok... if you still think of me... I wish we could just talk. I desperately need closure. You were my entire world. I still don't know how to function without you in my life.

T

!!! Im Done !!!

***Im Done ,*** Been used for everything.

***Im Done ,*** Giving everything only to be discarded.

***Im Done ,*** Having to fight for your time & acknowledgment .

***Im Done ,*** Waiting in line while you entertain other guys and we’re supposed to be together.

***Im Done ,*** Feeding you , Cleaning your house and same thing goes for your stupid cats .

***Im Done ,*** With your lies and all the made up stories to cover your ass but then you accidentally let something slip which contradicts that same story. (susssed)

***Im Done ,*** With the cheating and denying any of it even when the guy shows up to your house and realises you’ve lied to him too , we were still together.

***Im Done ,*** With the lack of empathy you have . You literally will rip someone’s heart from their chest throw it in the bin then fall asleep as if no one’s been hurt.

***Im Done ,*** With how smart you think you are , from watching a youtube video on psychology of the human brain you think you can psychoanalysis people . And you’re always completely wrong. You’re the only one needing to be analysed.

:- Theres so much more to add but i’ve wasted too much time on you already ( 3.5-4years ) .

So yea, Last but not least………..

***!!! IM DONE WITH YOU !!!***

My heart misses you with the weight of every day I spent with you, and every day I have spent without you.
Sometimes I wonder what we would have become if we had stayed together. Would we still kiss each other with that same unbearable hunger we once had? Would we still lose ourselves in each other’s eyes, letting our bodies and silence speak whenever words failed to explain what we felt? Would we still count the days until we could finally see one another again? Would tears still gather in our eyes at the mere thought of losing each other?

Or maybe we would have discovered a completely different kind of love.

I will probably never know the answer to any of these questions. And that is the tragedy of it all.
How heartbreaking it is that we are no longer in each other’s lives, and even more painful that I cannot feel you anymore. I cannot hold you tightly and cling to your clothes so you cannot leave my arms. You cannot pull me into your embrace with those strong hands and arms, lift me around your waist, spin me in circles, and dance with me anymore. You cannot sing your favorite songs to me anymore.

How cruel it is to live in the same city as you, yet feel your breath so impossibly far from mine.

Living with memories hurts. Passing by the places we once shared hurts. Because every memory makes me crave the sweetness of those moments again. My mind longs for the sweetness more than it remembers the bitterness. It forgets that you were the one who chose to leave. It forgets that I asked you not to go. I asked you to listen to your heart before you answered me, and you still said leaving was better.
I never understood for whom it was better.
Perhaps only for you.

Sometimes my mind deceives me and only brings back the beautiful days — the days when you were the truest feeling I had ever known inside myself. Sometimes I wonder if I loved you more than I loved myself, because even now, thinking about you still brings tears to my eyes. Even now, I still ache from missing you.

They say love is like this.
Maybe they are right.

Because I truly loved you. You were never an ordinary love to me. You were beyond that. Deeper than that. You were the sun in this cold world of mine. You were my moon — sometimes full, sometimes crescent, sometimes hidden in darkness. To my eyes, you were devastatingly beautiful. If someone asked me what I loved most about you, I would probably say every inch of your face and body. But your smile… your laughter… my entire soul aches to hear it again, to see it on your face one more time.

I wish I knew if you are happy now.
How your days and nights pass.
Whether you found the lost part of yourself you were searching for.
Whether you finally made peace with your own soul.

There are so many things I still want to ask you. But I know I will probably never find the answers to the questions that live endlessly inside my mind. I am left alone with unanswered questions.

And if somehow I could go back in time, I would still choose to fall in love with you all over again. I would still choose to touch you, to speak to you, to know you. Even if my mind screamed, “Have you lost your mind after all the pain you endured?” I would answer yes. Because somehow this pain carried me into a kind of spiritual depth I cannot even describe. Even to myself, it feels mysterious.

I do not know how you did it, but you became my favorite person, my favorite story, my favorite chapter, my favorite poem, my favorite book…
and in the end,
my favorite stranger.

And I will miss you forever.

Ashley the name you gave me