u/Medical_Bad2280

I wanted to say I think you're cute

I know I am very strong in nature and sometimes that energy can be like an excited dog especially when I like someone

So I appreciate the time you give me and the way this makes me feel

You don't have to do anything even about these silly emotions 😂 it's not the point I just am enjoying it

I don't want anymore pressures in your life than you already do have

Just thanks for letting me be there

Maybe someday I can even explain why I like you so much so you can have a good confidence boost 😂

But it boils down too I feel safe :) everyone expects so much and when I don't fit the narrative or role they want they tantrum

You never did and just let me be 😂

Outside of like the dorky and geeky stuff too but that's all BESIDES the point. Any anyone else can provide all those things but they don't listen too well 😂

Like I said I don't want you to do anything with these emotions I just want you to smile and go awe well maybe I am pretty cool 😂

Catch ya later

-D

Im not saying this because I expect change or reciprocate feelings

Infact I like the cute funny feeling you give me just as we are

I enjoyed the way you take and open up since we met a year ago or how you allowed me to flow in and out of your life till I finally settled

I enjoy hearing about the latest book you've read and hobbies and listening to them I found a lot of common things between us

I wanted to haunt my friends so they would never be lonely and was making channeling boards for when I died...kind of abstract don't you think

You met that with your own feelings and what you were making for your friends to haunt them ... Like you don't come across someone that similar thinking everyday

I don't mind if you get distracted I don't really mind anything I think I'm just thankful that you exist and let me just sit with you

I'm someone people meet and they run away into fantasy land with me sometimes it gets twisted

You just let me be me and let me flow an actual person listened to me...

I don't want to interrupt your life and I don't need anything more

I felt that with your history with women and people in general that you deserve someone who's willing to drop walls and just be honest

Thank you friend

(apologize for bad grammar these are sleepy thoughts before bed)

Im not saying this because I expect change or reciprocate feelings

Infact I like the cute funny feeling you give me just as we are

I enjoyed the way you take and open up since we met a year ago or how you allowed me to flow in and out of your life till I finally settled

I enjoy hearing about the latest book you've read and hobbies and listening to them I found a lot of common things between us

I wanted to haunt my friends so they would never be lonely and was making channeling boards for when I died...kind of abstract don't you think

You met that with your own feelings and what you were making for your friends to haunt them ... Like you don't come across someone that similar thinking everyday

I don't mind if you get distracted I don't really mind anything I think I'm just thankful that you exist and let me just sit with you

I'm someone people meet and they run away into fantasy land with me sometimes it gets twisted

You just let me be me and let me flow an actual person listened to me...

I don't want to interrupt your life and I don't need anything more

I felt that with your history with women and people in general that you deserve someone who's willing to drop walls and just be honest

Thank you friend

(apologize for bad grammar these are sleepy thoughts before bed)

It's embarrassing

When people who know you so well handle you with protective care

Honestly I know I'm small but to me it feels like kittens gathering around a demon all chanting "we'll protect you" while knowing fully well one swipe of a beast would wipe them clean

It's why I don't speak about you...not ever

I don't want you carrying the resentment they feel at breaking their favorite toy

But boy did the story of you play out in ways I could prevent them from seeing

The chain of madness that followed after two forces of nature burned the world down and then turned each other to ash...was maddening for them...

The lost of trusted reality...the intimate ways I got to know my friends...the confidence of self played out in ways I could t control

Panic attacks if I thought a friend POSSIBLY could like me and endless night of fear of my friends that wasn't even there fault

They couldn't predict that someone would do something like that...I couldn't either... How could anyone?

years of naive friendship

years of you being my absolute twin

And then one year of absolute....there is no word with enough twisted feeling behind it .....

You took everything

EVERYTHING I was

Learned it...memorized it....and figured out how to manipulate it...

years I thought I had a friend someone close to me that knew me better than I knew myself

When my friendship started to shift into more after YEARS of comfort and safety it scared me on a primal level

I love my friends....what happens if one turns romantic?

Any approach for me to even try to get the elephant I was hiding in the out was mind breaking on me...and brushed off by you

I THOUGHT I WAS THE CREEPY ONE! I laid in bed so many nights wide awake and afraid that someone I cherished so much might cut off all contact...if he knew just how deeply I felt

I still don't even know what the purpose of all of that was....why...why did you... If you wanted me...all along why.... Why dissect me and leave my organs out to play with

Why touch the deepest level of my mind and KNOW how I felt...I don't like secrets...they leak from me the harder I hold onto them...how I felt wasn't a secret to you...only to me....

Years....all coming to a halt...

I don't even know what made you tell me....it wasn't guilt! I know that look in your eye...you wanted me to play with you...submit entirely to being this...this... fabricated role you made...I was so trusting I just followed every fucking piece

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PLANNED THIS YOU PLANNED ALL OF IT??

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON THE GAME...THE GAME WAS...TRICKING ME INTO LOVING YOU????

WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE TELL SOMEONE THAT

All those years I thought I had a friend who wanted to get to know me not a stalker writing me into a twisted tale

It was so good it takes my friends physically stopping any and all attempts at self doubt

I don't HAVE to tell them shit....unlike you they are my friends....they already know by how they all collectively decided the one person that can never come close to me ever again

Is you

And I wish

I wish that wasn't the case and I hate myself for it

(for those looking for closure before I get any messages this person lives in canada and would understand "Je suis qui je suis, et c'est tout ce que je suis." It's our motto If that phrase means nothing to you, you're not them...if it does....please leave me alone)

How have you been? I was hoping we could talk without any promise of anything afterwards

I have so many questions that have left me confused as to who you are and what was going on

We don't have to talk further or even be friends I would just like some answers that are clear

Hey it's been a long time

How we went separate ways was messy to say the least and viseral at the most

I often think wonder how did it all get so bad. Why couldn't we just talk? Why couldn't I suppress more of me and how I felt...

From my perspective you sent something in me absolutely haywire and I couldn't process it

We went from friends to God knows what over a few hours and then burned down the bridges

I don't know how I felt for you I really knew I wasn't supposed to or be allowed to feel it ...and I knew I didn't want you to really see it

I miss you and my soul still craves you

I hear your world is going good and I will never disturb it so here I am tossing words into a void to process the you shaped hole I miss

Just know I really do wish you the best I don't harbor anger or resentment to be honest just regret that anything ever happened between us at all and I would have rather been just the friends we were before but realization that, that's not where we ended up and wanting to still wish you all the best in the world and I truly do mean that

Peaceful wishes