r/UnsentTexts

I can never say sorry enough for what I did to you, and I regret it so much and how it ruined our lives. I got diagnosed with a mental disorder and explained I was in a mental episode when I did the things I did. If you knew that would it change things? It doesn’t change what I did or excuse the fact that I hurt you. And I still take accountability for it. But knowing the reason behind my actions now… a disorder I didn’t know I had, ruined the greatest relationship I ever had. And now I feel like I can’t stop being punished for one stupid mistake I made. Idk how to move on, or start over. You seem happy without me. But if we loved eachother so much how can you be. I just miss you. I miss our life together. I miss my best friend. Would you come back if you knew?? Or does it not change anything… idk…

I know it’s been forever. I know we have our own lives. Fuck our lives are great…. But do you ever just want to burn it all down just to feel that heat again?

I realise that I have never acknowledged or apologised for the past. I have sometimes tried but it has always been so hard to articulate but I will try.

I hurt the one person who loved me. I was horrible to you when we were together and I was horrible to you when I left. I think about a lot of things I did, I was inconsiderate to you. I took you for granted. I didn't care nearly enough of the consequences of my words, my actions. I let you suffer when I knew you were going through a rough period. I knew everything and yet I hurt you, for so long. I was deaf while you were calling out for me. I abandoned you and even though byes were never a thing between us, I left, after so many years I left without saying goodbye. I shattered the dream that you and I shared since we were kids and I walked all over the pieces. I know I was the last person you ever expected to be that cruel and I ended up being just that. You tried so much to get us over the line, to keep us, well, us and I let you down.

I am sorry for everything. I joke sometimes that some things I do, I do for atonement but I know atonement is far out of reach for me. I will always remember the kindness and the love that you showed me and will try my best to reflect that to the best of my abilities to everyone in my life. I have been trying to understand my patterns in therapy and I hope to come out of them and not hurt anyone else in my life. I wish I hadn't hurt you.

I joke that I like that you keep men at a distance but I truly hope that you do not let my mistakes and my horrible past deprive you of any shot at love and happiness, the same one that you excel at. I hope that I will be nothing to you but a distant memory. That you give love a chance, that you let people in your life but never be hurt again. That you live a life full of nothing but smiles, laughter and love because as cliché as it is, you do deserve it all.

I hate that I can’t read minds, I hate that we left with no closure we genuinely had so much in common so when you said you didn’t think we were compatible I almost laughed out of shock and a part of me feels like you also think it sounded ridiculous, you yourself didn’t know what was incompatible about us when I asked so a part of me wonders if you were scared to be vulnerable with me because I couldn’t help but noticed that pattern in you.

Currently the way things are are so confusing to me, despite the fact we are no contact your online activity is so complex and I genuinely can’t read what you feel at all, sometimes it seems like you don’t want the story to end either but other times it feels like I’ve been forgotten.

With no closure whatsoever all I’ve thought about was past memories which lead me to believe you may have trouble being vulnerable to others and if I’m right about that then I wish you would try again with me because I don’t want you to be scared about opening up to people in general.

I want to be that safe space for you, someone you could always talk to, someone to tell about your shitty days, happy moments, embarrassing situations and a shoulder to cry on.

I saw how you would close in on yourself when emotions became high and I wanted to do anything to show that I’m here for you no matter what.

I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms, go for picnics and walk my big goofy dog together, I still look at the picture I took of you two while on our walk, him staring directly at you desperately hoping you’d give him one of your chicken nuggets

Just stop.
You want your talk? I gave you a year.

Be an adult or fuck right off.

i want to try. i want to get you to come back to me because nothing was a lie. it was reality.

everything i see makes me think of you, of how you might've loved seeing what im seeing.

every new or old sight, of how it wouldve been if we were experiencing it together.

so i beg. in my mind i beg you get the view i have.

i miss you. i miss you greatly and its so different compared to how ive missed anything or anyone before. i miss you like i miss warmth on a cold winter night when im out for a cigarette. i miss you like i miss the cold wind on a hot summer day. i miss you like i miss seeing flowers when autumn comes and i miss you like i miss the golden leaves when autumn ends. i miss you like i miss seeing a beautiful view after ive traveled somewhere new. i miss your voice, i miss your awkward smile. i miss your laugh and your sparkling eyes. i miss that mole on your face and the corners of your lips. i miss touching the back of your neck and feeling your soft skin and your hair at the same time. i miss your arms and i miss holding your waist. i miss hearing you snore and talk in your sleep. i miss your rants and i miss you telling me fun facts about something youve learned. i miss listening to you.

the most beautiful memories i have are with you. the funiest ones, the cutest ones.

i miss how i was with you. i dont miss us in the last months of our relationship but that wasnt us. we were struggling so much and it was awful. i miss us. i miss us like i miss fresh air on a heavy boulevard.

when i think of a memory with you its like when i was reading a fairytale when i was little. filled with golden sunshine and bright colors, and a faded background because nothing else mattered in that moment, just you.

so i beg. i dont care about the hurt. i dont care about the pain. i beg of you. in this vast forest of thoughts ive been having the only thing that makes sense is that i love you still.

my last straw was realizing that it was at the point where i wasn't even begging you to love me, i was begging you to just let me love you.

I feel like I’m constantly looking for my next hit of you. Every simple text, every small detail. I thought you would start to drift but you seem to linger on in my head. I get the highs and lows like a comedown off you. I don’t think you’ll ever really know what this feels like.. or maybe you do, you just won’t ever tell.

Soon I will have more activities and trips coming so I just thought it would be fair to say something if any of texts were actually you. I still kinda think some of the texts here were yours but there is no way I am gonna take them as fact and not gonna bring them up again just for you to deny so i can feel like fool... since it looks like everything you want from me is to just let you go completely I will focus more on people that are not afraid to show they care. I hope you are safe and sound you silly scared girl 💙 i hope we somehow can be friends even if I know you dont realy want that and I made peace with it even though I feel sad af when I imagine I will never again look in your eyes or see you smile.

Dear….

I think I might say yes to him.
Not forever just a date.
A drink, a laugh, an evening spent
testing what exists beyond old fate.
But I’d be lying if I claimed
your memory had completely disappeared. Some feelings don’t obey commands; they simply grow quieter with the years.
So maybe I’ll sit beside someone new while a little piece still aches for you. That doesn’t mean I’m going backward. It only means the feeling once was true.
Perhaps I’ll like him.
Perhaps I won’t.
Perhaps my heart will finally surprise me.
Because missing somebody from the past doesn’t mean the future has to pass me by.

—
KK

What i realised is

Holding anger just makes YOU feel bad

Could be guilt or regret

Specially when it's the person you like

So

Let go

Don't hold on to it

It's bad

It just harms YOU

Nothing else

Be good, do good

Things will get better with you

Saying it is way easier than actually practicing it

I hope I apply this to myself

Every time

Coz when this becomes your habit

You feel light, at ease

And it brings good back to you

Good luck to everyone fighting<3

Everyday to not lose myself :)

Why do I hurt so bad? Yearn for something that can never be, I’m weak.

will I never hear from you again?

Everything is so damn complicated and we have both fucked up.

All I want is to know what your lips taste like and hear your voice and see you smile again.

I wish we could find a way to un fuck this and have a real friendship and that I get to eventually see you again and share a moment like we did that one day where everything felt so utterly correct.

I also hate that no one has made me feel the way you did.

Everything happens for a reason and I hope things will eventually lead to a better place for us.

Miss you more than words could say.

I’m sorry I’m not reaching out. You are the one that left. You want me to reach out so you don’t have to take any accountability. I’m not playing that game. And if that means I lose you so be it. I don’t believe you will so I wish you all the best.

To be the close we want, is to see each other in person.

Miss you. Need you.

i miss you too and i do think about you all the time. i’ve thought over a million times what it would be like to do everything we used to and how it might be different this time, but im scared that things won’t be different and ill have to learn how to be without you all over again. you’ve made mistakes in the past and i don’t trust you to not make them again.

...and It's not that I don't love you, I do, I just don't want this to be my full stop.

I need to get this off my chest bc if I don’t do it now I probably never will get the chance to, the reason we fell out was not bc I showed u “no concern” but bc ure the one who did not show interest in my wellbeing. For days I had to focus on myself bc of my own mental health and illness not because I cared less bc ab u, and u took it as a sign of distance, in the lowest point of my life when I was breaking apart, instead of thinking that there might be smth going on in my life and reaching out,u took it as a sign that I showed u less attention and jumped right back to ur ex who u were able to show concern for and rant to, still never asked me how I was doing. And for that I will never forgive u, ure a selfish,lying and hypocritical person with no integrity