u/Kitchen-Use2598

You will know it's me,

I came back after leaving before I knew about the rest of it. I didn't know about the long term relationship. A wife, kids. I didn't know you were a gamer or into coding/a coder. I don't even have the language with that as IT was never my forte. I came HERE by accident and IDGAF how this sounds, but it was intuition. I saw something and it looked like it was you.

When you have had a deep soul connection- you learn things about that person. Their words, their inflections. Their energy.

When you and I were together, there was no-one else for me. My heart was only on you. Our world was music, psych, talks, more music. Love. Love making.

I was happy. I felt like I had my match. I felt I could be myself. I held our history and cherished it. Even though we barely knew each other all those years ago. It felt special and maybe fated.

After finding out what I did, it didn't change how I felt. A voice kept telling me- just see him. See him in person. That's what I tried and felt so out of my zone and felt ridiculous. But i thought at some point, you'd agree to at least just see me.

I have no idea anymore if I was anything to you. Just another woman out of i've lost track. That wasn't enough for me to hate you, switch off. Move on.

I only know the man you were when we were together and what we shared. I don't know anything about this reddit world and its part in your life.

I so badly wanted to believe in what we had, what I felt, was the way you felt?

I couldn't understand that you wouldn't see me even ONCE? What did i do that was so hurtful to you? I left as I had no choice? That week I knew about S or H. I felt you didn't see me or what I had to give? I needed to be chosen you didn't.

I never wanted to see you and blast you. I just hoped to see you.

Now I don't know what to do with all these emotions as I still love you. And 'you' know I'm not a fool. II wouldn't have been here if I didn't think what we had was worth saving, talking. Seeing each other.

This for me, was never about the 'grass being greener'. That is not how I operate. I just can't get my head around, why you are unwilling to even see me- once? Don't you feel anything, or am I just another 'woman'?

You haven't seen me in 4 months and you don't know my journey either or what I have learned. I wanted to share with you. Talk? You don't even want me as a friend?

I'm just really, really sad. I am allowed to get angry (hell I never get angry) and I've only done that here. Over a dumb reddit post or comment.

I just miss you and wish I meant more than no conversation after everything.

I feel stupid- and I am not. This is my last letter if you see this.

I wish you would just contact me so we could have 1 chance for a talk. One chance in the rest of our lives? Even if you did it just for me, it would help me know- something. Anything that is real outside of this site and real enough to what we had. I hope you will surprise me and reach out.

I'm moving away from here if this is done, done. It's too small a city and we have too many mutual connections. As i said once to you. You were the only reason keeping me here in this city.

If not, and you see this. It WAS real for me and I still think of you constantly and can only hope it fades in time. Hard to fade as you were also my best and closest friend. I'm exhausted with being sad and not being able to talk to you.

I hope you are ok.

E

Understood.

That was a while back and the only understanding re what you posted just then in unsent text, would come from human to human.

It would have been good to chat in person, but thats a we decision not me.

But I respect your unsent text. (I can't reply there btw). And as I said in DM chat, there is no judgement or pressure from me.

It was nice to chat here before ❤️

luv E

Hugs Xxc

Simply curious as I've never really gone there, interested in M or F experiences with 3 or more people?

Please don't stress- I wont write another letter or comment on anything that may be you. I may come here sometimes to chill/look at stuff, but i wont be annoying anymore

D and everyone curious, I can't bear seeing constantly that 'I have not made efforts?'

I have seen various posts on here by my ex, a J. If you are a viewer here and not him, you may say 'But how do you know it's actually HIM?'

Well it's pretty easy when you know someone well and I have seen the same story over and over about how many times 'he tried to reach out, but I ignored him'. Even reddit strangers can piece it together and I can't think of why you would lie not just to me, but to yourself?

I have said I'd meet you under any circumstance. I said if you have met someone, I would still see you. I explained the paper doc and nothing has changed from before. (you will know what I mean).

So D or J (i don't know your profile so using your actual initials).

I get it- you want nothing to do with me. I wont write anymore.

But for the love of god, who you say you believe in, don't LIE to everyone re my 6 weeks of trying to make a connection.

Don't lie to yourself. I was offering you my love and support under any circumstance- unconditional love. I know you are not well- would you be concerned if you knew I was not well?

I know in my heart now I have done EVERYTHING to try to connect so I can at least know I tried.

I'm sorry I must have looked at us more seriously than it was.

My mistake i guess

But please stop telling everyone I have not contacted you

From

xC (profile initial K)

Hello again,

If you happen to see this, I'll make it short as I know I've written many long ones already.

Would you consider sending me a DM here so at least I know your profile? Could we possibly meet up for a hang, coffee, drink, whatever suits you? It's your birthday soon- I have not forgotten.

I would really love to see you in person, and I am not angry, I am not feeling defensive. I would like to see if we can 'be' together even for a day/night- to talk, heal, hug. Please remember I am a good listener and I will not judge you on anything. I just wonder if you feel any thoughts/thread between us still?

We CAN contact each other as I've said. I hope my many letters demonstrate my authenticity to you....jazz man!

I will leave this here and hope on the off chance, you may read this.

I want to support and love you, in any way I can. Because I love you unconditionally buba.

bebe x

Hello again,

If you happen to see this, I'll make it short as I know I've written many long ones already.

Would you consider sending me a DM here so at least I know your profile? Could we possibly meet up for a hang, coffee, drink, whatever suits you? It's your birthday soon- I have not forgotten.

I would really love to see you in person, and I am not angry, I am not feeling defensive. I would like to see if we can 'be' together even for a day/night- to talk, heal, hug. Please remember I am a good listener and I will not judge you on anything. I just wonder if you feel any thoughts/thread between us still?

We CAN contact each other as I've said. I hope my many letters demonstrate my authenticity to you....jazz man!

I will leave this here and hope on the off chance, you may read this.

I want to support and love you, in any way I can. Because I love you unconditionally buba.

bebe x

Sorry this is a little long

I ended a serious relationship end of April last year. The guy I was with, I saw as my life partner, but as time went on his verbal abuse -texts of hate, below the belt comments and ocd's about the tiniest things, made me feel I could not be myself. I also found out he was having emotional affairs, constant porn watching, sex stuff on fb and was sure he was sleeping with a woman who i had a sense about. He of course denied all this and told me the woman i suspected was 'crazy'. There was also violence where he attacked me over the same thing- a drop of milk on the bench or shutting of a door.

Come April last year, I could feel myself shrinking and distancing as after a torrid of mean messages saying c****, you menopausal b**** etc (which was odd as Im not going through that). Plus things I. can't type here. Anyway, he was going to court for an assault where neighbours called the police. I didn't lay charges or make a statement. I don't even think he remembers what he did that day.

So few days leading up top his court date, he was getting more and more aggressive through messages. He wanted me to go to court and tell the judge that I had provoked him and that he couldn't help his anger as it was PTSD. He sent me FB messages telling me how he would kill members in my family. Plus destroy my life, that I would be an enemy for ever.

Since then he's been in jail but for some reason, call it divine intervention, I dont know, but I came here and found out that the girl I supsected he was cheating on me with- I was right. She told me it was going on for 1.5 years. This is just a start as i feel like I ave numbed my emotions to all this.

I struggle with knowing if this guy ever was genuine with his feelings? Like, if he was telling the other woman the same thing, was it playing at it's best?

He's managed to convince some people that 'I was the one who did all the damage' but there are also, many other people who have been kind and reached out to me. Some his friends who had also experienced being yelled at.

How do I deal with the heartbreak, the betrayals? Have I lost self respect?

Any advice I would appreciate?

Hi D,

I read letters again today and saw goodbyes that my brain told me were from you for me. Of course i know it's reddit, but here is last one for today at very least.

* * *

I made the mistake of looking at radiohead page here, and then listened to Exit Music. Bad idea. Very Bad idea for me.

I can't listen to some of my favourite artists as they make me feel you around me or have memories.

I have written so much here and I am convinced if you are here, you are not going to reach out. I think I have had a delayed grief.

So to void and D Joshua Tree- I hope I see you in the next life. I hope something we had was valuable to you as it was for me.

I'll look here sporadically to see if a letter has anything truly specific in content- a memory or something that may make me think it has come from you.

have to get my brain, heart together and have faith that all will be well.

Please keep safe, please get health checks, please know I love you even if you don't believe it, please keep up the music, please don't lose your softness. Please don't forget about me. I'm going home to K house.

hugs, hugs, hugs

Hi D, Mr Joshua Tree

One day I'll play you the song I wrote for you.

I made the mistake of looking at radiohead page here, and then listened to Exit Music. Bad idea. Very Bad idea for me.

I can't listen to some of my favourite artists as they make me feel you around me or have memories.

I have written so much here and I am convinced if you are here, you are not going to reach out. I think I have had a delayed grief.

So to void and D Joshua Tree- I hope I see you in the next life. I hope something we had was valuable to you as it was for me.

I'll look here sporadically to see if a letter has anything truly specific in content- a memory or something that may make me think it has come from you.

have to get my brain, heart together and have faith that all will be well.

Please keep safe, please get health checks, please know I love you even if you don't believe it, please keep up the music, please don't lose your softness. Please don't forget about me. I'm going home to K house.

hugs, hugs, hugs

Hi D,

One day I'll play you the song I wrote for you.

I made the mistake of looking at radiohead page here, and then listened to Exit Music. Bad idea. Very Bad idea for me.

I can't listen to some of my favourite artists as they make me feel you around me or have memories.

I have written so much here and I am convinced if you are here, you are not going to reach out. I think I have had a delayed grief.

So to void and D Joshua Tree- I hope I see you in the next life. I hope something we had was valuable to you as it was for me.

I'll look here sporadically to see if a letter has anything truly specific in content- a memory or something that may make me think it has come from you.

have to get my brain, heart together and have faith that all will be well.

Please keep safe, please get health checks, please know I love you even if you don't believe it, please keep up the music, please don't lose your softness. Please don't forget about me. I'm going home to K house.

hugs, hugs, hugs

Dear D,

You may not know I'm here, but plenty of people have tried to confuse me and pretend they are you. I seem to think of you all the time since I came on reddit what 5 weeks ago?

I wish now I had not logged on and saw something that seemed like it was from you. I was doing Ok- and then I saw that and all the emotions came flooding back.

I feel really sad as strangers and a hacker (literal identity theft on computer and phone) had tried to convince me and everyone that you were on here. So many people playing a game assuming they know anything about me. I find this bizarre and creepy. Hence not going to post much here from now on.

The D I remember, was very much passionate about music. Incredible player, underestimated his abilities. We talked in a language that was more comfortable than I have ever experienced.

For that 2-3yr time period with him- he gifted me the freedom to be my full self. I felt a safety with that and he also told me, that with me his mask could be down.

Looking back, I really saw you. And your mask down, vulnerabilities, your ways of thinking- I feel so lucky to have been someone you could share that with.

I hope you know that even in my times of quietness, when I shut down. When I was silent. It was never to push you away or appear to not love you.

You see- I was as scared as you. Really scared of losing you.

Over the past 3.5 months since we broke up, I've learnt my own patterns and how it affects my communication. I've realised that my past traumas, more what happened before you and I reconnected in 2023. The trauma of being followed by W.C for 5 years deeply affected me. And I took several years of being completely celibate after ex before you. That was because I knew I was never choosing partners who were compatible on a deeper level. They were comfortable but I was lonely in those relationships.

Then a chance 'reunion' catch up with you. I honestly didn't expect to feel anything serious romantically and that could be partly as my 'shut down' wound from the events of 2016-2022 were still at the back of my mind.

But that first time you came over after not seeing you for 20 odd years and we watched Rocky Horror and then I made a move on you! (I never do that normally)???

Then things went from there and gradually, we started to get to know each other. It was a slow burn, which I sometimes think is the best kind.

We took time to get to know each other meticulously with our bodies, sharing our pain, sharing our dreams. Through all of that I was absolutely terrified.

Terrified as the love I felt was testing my walls and no matter how hard I tried to not fall i already had.

I will say this again and can only hope you may see it and be brave.

Do you think we could fix this, or try?

Were those moments of hours talking in your parents shed, my house, the kitchen, my parents house- were they as strong as a connection to you as they were to me?

Do you remember last summer in january (2025) outside hot day- on the tennis court?!

Did you want to collaborate musically- was that real?

Was I your best friend?

If any of this, is a yes- would you consider us meeting up or a phone conversation after tomorrow? (not here)

If we don't end up being in a couple (if that's not what you want now)- could we still be in each others lives, forgetting the noise around here and looking back at where we began and our history of how we met in the real place?

I hope you will let me know as I truly love you with everything I never even knew I had.

E or M

You don't know I'm here, but plenty of people have tried to confuse me and pretend they are you. I seem to think of you all the time since I came on reddit what 5 weeks ago?

I wish now I had not logged on and saw something that seemed like it was from you. I was doing Ok- and then I saw that and all the emotions came flooding back.

I feel really sad as strangers and a hacker (literal identity theft on computer and phone) had tried to convince me and everyone that you were on here. So many people playing a game assuming they know anything about me. I find this bizarre and creepy. Hence not going to post much here from now on.

The D I remember, was very much passionate about music. Incredible player, underestimated his abilities. We talked in a language that was more comfortable than I have ever experienced.

For that 2-3 time period with him- he gifted me the freedom to be my full self. I felt a safety with that and he also told me, that with me his mask could be down.

Looking back, I really saw you. And your mask down, vulnerabilities, your ways of thinking- I feel so lucky to have been someone you could share that with.

I hope you know that even in my times of quietness, when I shut down. When I was silent. It was never to push you away or appear to not love you.

You see- I was as scared as you. Really scared of losing you.

Over the past 3.5 months since we broke up, I've learnt my own patterns and how it affects my communication. I've realised that my past traumas, more what happened before you and I reconnected in 2023. The trauma of being followed by W.C for 5 years deeply affected me. And I took several years of being completely celibate after ex before you. That was because I knew I was never choosing partners who were compatible on a deeper level. They were comfortable but I was lonely in those relationships.

Then a chance 'reunion' catch up with you. I honestly didn't expect to feel anything serious romantically and that could be partly as my 'shut down' wound from the events of 2016-2022 were still at the back of my mind.

But that first time you came over after not seeing you for 20 odd years and we watched Rocky Horror and then I made a move on you! (I never do that normally)???

Then things went from there and gradually, we started to get to know each other. It was a slow burn, which I sometimes think is the best kind.

We took time to get to know each other meticulously with our bodies, sharing our pain, sharing our dreams. Through all of that I was absolutely terrified.

Terrified as the love I felt was testing my walls and no matter how hard I tried to not fall i already had.

I will say this again and can only hope you may see it and be brave.

Do you think we could fix this, or try?

Were those moments of hours talking in your parents shed, my house, the kitchen, my parents house- were they as strong as a connection to you as they were to me?

Do you remember last summer in january (2025) outside hot day- on the tennis court?!

Did you want to collaborate musically- was that real?

Was I your best friend?

If any of this, is a yes- would you consider us meeting up or a phone conversation after tomorrow? (not here)

If we don't end up being in a couple (if that's not what you want now)- could we still be in each others lives, forgetting the noise around here and looking back at where we began and our history of how we met in the real place?

I hope you will let me know as I truly love you with everything I never even knew I had.

E or M

To YOU,

I am so fucking sad today. I still ache for you and miss my best friend who I can talk about anything with. :(

I left a post on my page- please read if you see this. It's about being manipulated with the hacking and you were too. The person kept calling me by a different name, thought I was called Ravi? Refused to believe and still hacked me. I wish you'd see the post on my page...it doesn’t seem like you have seen any of my letters. I want you to know, that I am not doing OK without you. Meaning- your 'you-ness' is what I love. Please don't ever think that I worry about silly superficial stuff. I miss our language.

I don't like all the extra energy coming into this, so i'm pulling back from reddit. Within 5 weeks a stranger has hacked into everything. It's all too much and none of this helps you and I (or us-i miss us).

So my love....I would do anything to see you in person. I don't know what else to say here in public. But if you feel the same as me and want to see me. Just reach out.

Finally~

You are the most precious gift and my most favourite person, still,

I have ever met.

E

I am not sure what you were trying to achieve by tracking and hacking my phone and computer. I've had some person messaging me going on about a 'larvi'. I don't know a larvi? Have you gone on facts on asking me a question, or are you making assumptions on gossip? This is reddit and to believe what others say is ridiculous (and I include myself in my own delusion for someone I miss).

But- going to the extent of what you did, is a big thing for someone you don't know. If you know me, as in- have MET me in person then come talk. If you DON'T know me- get some balls and ask me questions. It's not just illegal what you did, it's a waste of time if you're doing it from some hersay gossip!

Over it. Know the person I was looking for isn't here- he can't be as he's in Jail. So whoever you are, please stop tracking and hacking. Be and adult and contact me if you need questions?

Oh and again- I don't know who 'Larvi' is...maybe someone could tell me so they can hear the messages I am getting for them?

Just stop with the hacking!

Dear J and group-

I'm referring to a male J and anyone who has been with a male J.

Have we all been with the same person? Just wondering if anyone else has a similar feeling?

It's the similarities in stories, similar style of writing responses and combo initials of J,D,W,R etc??

If anyone can relate, I have no fixed clarity on the complex back ground - he won't tell me and I need to process the information I have heard.

If anyone can relate to way I'm saying, I would really appreciate it?

M