My Treat😘😁
Also, I put the tag as “Friends” bc I think if we met up again for the first time in a public setting as “Lovers”,
We will be asked to leave🤪🤭
All I wanted in my life was someone special. That’s what I was waiting for, and I felt that with you. I didn’t know how to express it. I took it for granted. I thought I could replace you, but I can’t. I waited a very long time to meet you, and you were everything I wanted.
We’re both human, and I deeply care more than I ever wanted to admit—because I was scared my love wouldn’t be returned. That’s why I got so nasty. I felt abandoned. I don’t hate you. I hate myself. I pushed you away because I didn’t want to be hurt.
I’m going to drop a letter off or mail once I’m ready. I’m going to return a few things too. I want to make things right. I’m truly sorry.
I know you use to know me and maybe you still do, I use to believed in myself and stood tall for myself. Now what
I use to say “I am who I am, your approval isn’t needed”, how did I go from that to desperately needing approval.
I was so confident in myself, my beliefs, and my ability, now I’m so lost and a shell of who I use to be.
Why do I allow disrespect, trash into my life, why haven’t I stopped it. Why do I continue to see good where there isn’t any good. Why am I afraid to see me and be strong and be treated like I actually deserve.
I was so independent, I always had mental health problems, but not this bad. Allowing what I’ve allowed has made me so much more unstable. The abuse I’ve endured and continued to endure is f***ing disgusting, why only now am I trying to change it.
How did I become such a person, how did I end up hurting the good people I truly loved and chose to give chances to the bad ones.
I don’t what to hide from the mirror, I don’t want to divert my eyes to the ground because of shame. I want to stand tall again all 5’3 3/4” tall. I want to see bad as bad and good as good.
How do I get there. Somedays are excruciating and I want to just hide and somedays I want to be a better me… I’m so tired and lost.
Always someone
To S,
Before I finally let life take us wherever it’s meant to, there’s something I need to leave behind. I know this is goodbye, the kind of goodbye where your paths never cross again, even if you were in the same city at the same time. I hope you know that meeting you was one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me. I deeply cherish everything we shared. Even if we didn’t get the ending I hoped for, I will always be grateful that, for a little while, our lives intertwined.
I tried to imagine what it would be like to forget you. I don’t think I could do that yet. I still see you everywhere. I still look for you everywhere, even knowing you’re no longer there. You were too enmeshed into my days, the little things that shouldn’t matter but mean a lot to me.
I’m going to miss getting ready for work with you and walking to work with you. I’m going to miss waking up in the middle of the night and pretending I didn’t fall asleep while waiting for you to call. I’m going to miss watching those silly little shows with you. I’m going to miss folding laundry with you and just watching you cook. I’m going to miss going on grocery runs with you. I’m going to miss waiting for you to finally clock off work last again. I’m going to miss seeing you run through the rain to get home. I’m going to miss going on those train rides with you. I’m going to miss furniture shopping with you. I’m going to miss you letting me pick out what drink you were going to have. I’m going to miss walking the dog with you.
My heart aches waking up and not seeing your messages on my screen. The little snippets of your day. I’m going to miss your laughter so much. The way your eyes crinkle when you smile. The way your forehead creases when you’re trying to figure something out. The way you’d twist your eyebrows into funny shapes.
I deeply, genuinely cared for you in the way I knew how. I tried to be gentle with your heart knowing what you were carrying too, not knowing I made you feel like I was keeping you at arms length. I wanted to share every single thing with you but I was scared you’d drown with the weight of what I was carrying. I was scared you’d run if you knew how intensely I felt everything. I got too good at being the “mindful, considerate one” that I tried to carry everything alone. I know that the things that hurt me made me more guarded this time around and I’m deeply sorry if that pushed you away. I didn’t know how to share my pain and burdens when I’ve always had to carry everything alone.
My heart was once too trusting, too open, too naive, too pure that I always saw the good in everyone, even the worst once. I emphatized too deeply and understood why people can turn out the way they are because of things that happened to them. I’m sorry I looked at you through that lens too and used that to measure your emotional capacity. I was looking for security before letting my guard down completely but you were looking for vulnerabiltity before security. And I guess that’s where our hearts clashed. Our hearts were speaking two different languages. I wish you taught me yours before you quietly built a wall against me.
Love to me means partnership and compromise and learning to love each other despite all your flaws, embracing the person for their individualitu, seeing the person as they are and not as who you want them to be. I saw this quote today that says \*“If he wanted to, he would” and "If he wanted to, he would" is oversimplified pop-psychology. A better lens: "If his nervous system is regulated and he is capable of secure attachment, he will."\* Maybe you just didn’t want it as bad as I did and that’s okay
I never said this out loud but its always been on my heart and mind whenever I saw you and your beautiful brown eyes, I love you. I wish you never have to carry all that pain and anguish alone. I wish I could take it all away. You deserve undiluted happiness and I wish I could pour that into you to chase all the darkness away.
I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you find your person, even if that it isn’t me. I hope you find your peace.
I'm sorry, I love you, I miss you, thank you and good bye.I'm sorry, I love you, I miss you, thank you and good bye.
x, Muñeca
…
I’m sorry. I don’t think those words are big enough. I don’t think there are words big enough. From the bottom of my stupid heart…
I’m so sorry.
You don’t know me.I won’t ever dare know you.We’ve never sat across from each other.Never shared a meal.Never laughed together.
Never got the chance to exist outside the worst possible versions of one another. We only knew each other, through one foolish boy. Through half truths. Through half lies. Through fear. Assumptions.
Through imagination. Through stories told from opposite sides of the same door. Somewhere along the way, It didn’t occur to me there was another girl standing at the other end of all this.
Not “the girl he was dating.” Not the reason he just “disappeared” Not the person keeping him from me. Just…a girl. A girl who loved him.
“The” girl he loved.
His person.His home. His Someone, The one whose toothbrush slowly found its place beside his. Who had dreams with him that I knew nothing about…and had no right to. Who was trying to build something beautiful.
I never wondered...Did I frighten you? Did I make you cry? How many nights did you lied awake worrying you weren’t enough. Did you compare yourself to me? Wondering why his past still had a pulse?
I wish I had. I really do.
I was just another girl who went a little crazy over the foolish boy for a little while. And without meaning to…I put that pain on you.
I’m sorry.
He hurt me.That’s true. Years of shady silence. Years of questions, no clarity. Years of trying to understand a friendship I couldn’t get back.
I was so busy trying to make sense of my own heart…The family I mistook him for.The friendship.The waiting.The promises.
But that’s all bullshit.
I hurt you.
Then there was you. Your anger. Your words. The names you called me. The hate you spewed. You hurt me too....But God did I deserved it. You were protecting your home. It was simply a consequence of existing somewhere I had no business being.
…I didn’t know.
You became “the girl who took him.”
I became “the girl who wouldn’t leave.”
We became two girls standing on opposite sides of the same fire. Oh, what foolish boys do. I wonder...If we met differently, would we recognised ourselves in each other? I’ll never know. I should have stepped away. I should have. I kept knocking on a door that wasn’t mine anymore. Not because I wanted your place. Not because I believed he still loved me. I didn’t...
You are the love of his life.
I’m well aware.
I was just trying to get home.To my friend. I just didn’t know home had quietly become someone else…I didn’t know.
Shared meals. Lazy mornings. Birthdays. Arguments that ended in forgiveness. A favourite toy. Inside jokes no one else understood. Plans. Dreams. All the ordinary little things that slowly became a home.
I walked straight through it with muddy shoes. Not because I wanted to dirty it. But because I couldn’t see it.
If my sorry’s are worth anything at all. I’m so sorry. If hearing my name made your heart heavier, I’m sorry. If I made you question a love that had done nothing to deserve questioning. I’m sorry. If I became another thing your love had to survive,
I am so deeply, deeply sorry.
Yes.
I met him again.
I know that hurts you.
Please hear the rest.
Because,
for the first time…
I see you.
Your love.
It is everywhere... In the photographs he cannot put away. In the paintings that still held pieces of you. On screens that watch over you. In little habits that only happen when someone has lived inside another person. In the way your name softened him before he even realised it had. He didn’t have to tell me how much he loved you. His grief already had And all I could think was…
Gosh I’ve been a doofus. I never understood.
I kept asking who he was to me.
I never once stopped to ask…
Who were you to him?
His soul yearns for you. Your laugh makes him shy. You are who he imagines growing old beside. You are his soul. Oh, what a beautiful life the two of you would build together.
He told me something you once said.
About ex’s and broken hearts.
Wet clay. Once broken, you can spend forever trying to press it back together. Cracks fall through.I thought I was trying to save something. Instead, I left fingerprints on your soul because I couldn’t wash the clay from my hands.That’s on me.
I don’t know where your story is now.
I know enough not to ask.
But I hope, more than I have any right to, the two of you find your way back to each other. It’s hard to find two souls so intertwined by pure, unwavering love.
I know…He made strange choices. He broke your trust. He deserves your anger and rage.
Know that he’ll spend the rest of his life making up for it and making sure you never ever have to feel this way again.
He will forever choose you. Know that.
…and this is coming from me. I know. The irony isn’t lost on me.
I’m the villain. If I could erase myself from the day he first knew my name, I would. I’m the horrible piece of dirt. I mistook my heart and soul for permission to remain part of this story. I’m the home wrecker. I couldn’t see your home until I had already walked through it.
If your souls ever find their way back to each other, Do find it in your heart to believe that You both shall forget I ever existed. From the bottom of my bad mean heart…
I am sorry.
I am tired of holding onto resentment, Look M, I don’t know what you were thinking in attacking me the way you did, I popped you back to let you know to not get into something I came inches from finishing…….your self congratulating birthday at J’s on 2nd was The last time we spoke/interacted, and I let you walk away unharmed, I couldn’t believe you hit me!!!….. I mean I congratulate you on the huevos to come hit me, I could tell you were shaking…. it’s okay dude…… You remember my Brother L J ……..dude was stacked, he could bench 375-400, Had legs like trees, and knew Martial arts and Brazilian Jiujitsu ….. not a guy you probably would have walked up and punched…….
you had told me I needed to leave a public bar, without reason, and over emotional …… I wanted an opportunity to talk, Intellectually and calm…… I wanted to avoid hurt feelings and salvage a friendship that I thought existed….. I definitely tried my friend, I gave 4 opportunities to be civil…. you chose adolescent violence towards me…… I wanted you to know, That You were wrong, I wanted you to admit to being a child and selfish, I wanted you to admit you could have handled that better……. but it’s not about what I wanted, It’s about how much of a real human and man you truly are…… See I saw a scared little kid, Narcissistic and empowered with false courage and ego…..You didn’t hurt me at all in case you felt the tiniest bit bad about yourself and your behavior, Because I didn’t even think you honestly go that far…… Well there are some similarities with us but mostly differences that I’ve noticed over the year and our past interactions, I noticed Jealousy, And envy of those things I worked hard to Obtain, Not because I wanted status or clout, I like nice things that fit my personality, that’s it!!……..I’ve never said I was superior, I’ve never put you down, and I’ve only just been a friend to you, exactly like my brother did….. hoping you have found something of substance in the months since……. I have a good chuckle sometimes when I think about it……. It just doesn’t affect me, You have to realize that M has a M proble, not a C or a J or a F problem a M problem.…….. you had told me about your out of town jobs, and what music you’re playing with…….. let you tell me and everyone around me just exactly who you were………. So breathe easier, be good to yourself, go touch grass, But for your sake in the Universe, Let it Go, It doesn’t serve you….. The first inclining and notion I had about it was right on the money…were you mad because J said you were exclusI’ve like she did me?? Were you and J just doing naked pushups together to get back at me for something??? Guess I will never know, So I am releasing all of it and everything it touched to God and the Universe …….so talk uneducated and nasty about me all you want, I can take it, And send it “Return to Sender, Unsolicited Material “ with a message that says, We can still have that 1:1 talk and get the tension 86’d not me……… Choice is yours….
sincerely,
<•>€
My dearest,
I’ve been carrying this for a while now, and I need to put it into words properly, without rushing or holding anything back. I’m sorry. I’m truly, deeply sorry for the rough time I put you through at the end—for the ways I hurt you, for the night at your house when I crossed a boundary and then caused a scene, and for every moment my fear made everything heavier than it needed to be. I need you to know I would never have hurt you physically. That night came from a place of panic I still haven’t fully resolved: my old, unfinished fears of abandonment. I threw up a guard instead of staying open, and in doing so I made things worse. I am apologetic for all of it. You never deserved the weight I brought into that space.
When you began to pull away, it scared me in a way I didn’t know how to name at the time. It made me afraid to be myself—afraid that the quieter, softer, more honest parts of who I am would no longer be welcome. I started holding back, second-guessing, protecting myself in ways that only widened the distance between us. What I wanted more than anything was for us to feel like we were coming home to each other again, the way we did in the beginning. I missed that feeling so much it ached. I kept reaching for the version of us where everything felt natural and mutual, where being together was the place we both belonged.
I also wanted communication to be our strong suit. I really did. I wanted us to be able to talk through the hard things, to stay honest even when it was uncomfortable, to keep finding our way back to each other with words. But toward the end I felt us growing apart, and that silence hurt in a different way. I didn’t know how to close the gap without making it wider, and I regret that more than I can easily say.
There is something about the way you looked at me that no one else ever has. In the basement, when you would sit in my lap and stare deep into my eyes, back and forth, it felt like you were seeing all the way through me—past every defense, every insecurity, every half-hidden fear—and still choosing to stay. That look made me feel known in a way I have never felt with anyone else. It was the closest thing to coming home I have ever experienced. Part of my deepest fear, if I’m honest, was whether you felt that same rare connection with me, or if I was the only one carrying it so heavily.
I’m including a photo with this letter—a screenshot of a text I sent my coworker three years ago, after I quit working there trying to get your number. I wanted you to see it. Even then, long before we ever really knew each other, something in me was already reaching for you. It feels important that you know how long this has lived in me. The whole reason I started working at that pizza place again was to see you—after I had quit for over a year and a half. That was never just about the job.
I still carry the specific moments that proved that home was real. I remember the day our connection locked into place when you found my tire lug nut with the help of a few deer, and then the long drive through Shenandoah while Vivaldi’s Four Seasons—Autumn—played. I felt like I was inside a living painting with you. Those memories still live in me as proof that something rare and true existed between us.
This week an older woman in a store stopped me and said, “You have beautiful eyes. I’m sure you get that all the time.” I answered, “It’s been a while since I’ve heard that, but thank you.” The truth is you were the last person who told me that, and hearing it again hit me harder than I expected. It brought everything back at once.
I was cleaning my car and found the little note you left that simply said “Miss you already.” I sat in the parking lot at work and cried, I had no idea when you left it. That note undid me. In the weeks after everything fell apart I burned most of our early memorabilia—the vegetable slice receipt, the two-dollar bill, the little post-it with hearts on it—because I was so deeply hurt. But I kept the small white paper-towel piece that still has my footprint on it. It stays next to the crystal you returned to me. Those two things remain.
From my side I have deleted more than 9,800 messages from the fallout we had. They are gone permanently; I couldn’t recover them even if I wanted to. I wanted a clean slate, at least on my end. I have to forgive you. I hope, in time, you can do the same. We had so many great times together—always. My biggest fear was that our relationship was just a little fling while you figured out your own issues. It never felt that way to me.
I’ve begun the hard work of confronting my shadow—the parts of myself I spent years denying, repressing, or projecting onto the people I loved most. Carl Jung calls this the first essential stage of individuation: the long, often painful process of becoming more whole by finally facing what we’ve kept in the dark. I’m only at the beginning, taking those first real steps so I can stop repeating the same patterns and show up with greater honesty and responsibility. This is not an excuse. It is simply the truth of where I am now.
There is a metaphor that keeps returning to me. My parents used to tell me I had to jump off that cliff into the water. I was always too scared. I finally jumped for you. In the beginning I was swimming. Then I started to drown, and all I wanted was for you to throw me a life preserver. Instead you stood on the shore and told me I was controlling while I went under. I was lost. I was lonely. I was only asking you to help me find direction.
You are a famous dancer. I just make pizza. That difference lived in the back of my mind more than I ever said out loud. I never wanted to feel like I had to prove myself to you. I only wanted to love you as I was, and I did try my best. I hope you know that. I hope you know I never stopped trying to be worthy of the way you looked at me, even when I was failing.
I genuinely believed—and still believe—you are my soulmate. Even if we were twin flames or some kind of soul partners who came into each other’s lives to teach hard lessons and force real growth, I thought I had finally found the one person who could help me unlock the wasted potential of my whole life. That belief has not left me. So thank you for that. I hope I had even a fraction of a similar impact on you—that something in our time together helped you see yourself more clearly too.
I just want us both to grow. I know that if you don’t face your own vulnerabilities and shadows, the same patterns will keep following you the way mine have followed me. That’s part of why I think we were twin flames or soul partners in the first place: we mirrored each other’s unfinished places so clearly. The only way either of us gets free is by doing the work ourselves.
I will always love you. I have come to realize I don’t have to be with you in order to love you. We are all human; we all make mistakes. I still feel a strange, confusing connection to you, and I don’t know whether you feel it too. Whatever happens, I want peace between us. That is all.
I have unblocked you, but I will stay silent. The ball is completely in your court if you ever want to reach out. I will respect your space. I will never show up at your house or do anything to bother or unsettle you. I simply want the air between us to be clean.
I’ve also been thinking about the pain you carry with your mother—the deep resentment, the anger, the ways she failed you and left lasting wounds, including the darkest thoughts that came with that hurt. I know you loved your dad, and I understand that part of that love was shaped by what your mom was and how she treated you. Right now you are still living under the same roof with her, and that window will not stay open forever. You’ll probably be leaving soon. Her time is limited as well. If there is any possibility of looking at what remains unresolved between you—of facing that particular shadow while you still share a home and while she is still here—I believe it could offer you a measure of healing that waiting might close off forever. I’m not saying this to pressure you or to minimize anything she did. I’m saying it because I’ve seen how carrying unexamined rage and unfinished business can keep a person stuck, and because I care about the weight you’ve been holding. Even a small step toward resolution while the opportunity is still in front of you might free something in you that nothing else can.
I don’t pretend to know how that process should look for you, or whether it even feels possible right now. It is your journey. I only know that the work of facing these shadows—mine, yours, the ones we inherit and the ones we create—seems to be the only real path toward any lasting peace. I’m trying to walk that path myself, however clumsily. I hope that in time it helps me become someone more capable of the love, presence, and steadiness you deserved all along—someone who can meet another person without fear of being himself, and who can offer the kind of home we once found in each other.
If we do reconnect someday, I honestly don’t know what to expect. I don’t even fully know what I want right now. I just needed to let you know all of this—the regret, the memories, the love that remains, the work I’m trying to do on myself, and the peace I hope can exist between us no matter what happens next.
Thank you for everything you gave me, even when I couldn’t fully receive or return it. I’m sorry for the pain I caused. I’m sorry for the ways I let fear and old patterns get in the way of what we had. I’m working on myself. And I will keep working, for as long as it takes.
With love, regret, and genuine care that has not gone away,
\\\\\\\[Your name\\\\\\\]
Everyone is missing someone. Mostly everyone feels deeply about who they are trying to connect with. So it's cool reading these letters but it sometimes gets to close to who I'm looking for and gives me a false hope because it isn't who I needed. If we really are truly reaching out why leave them guessing. Communication is key and what better way than letting them know by letting them know. Give a clue or two that they couldn't miss. All this missing our love ones could be finally over if we reconnect
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I should want to never speak to you again. You told me to delete your number so I did. I get the feeling you're still watching me from a distance. Stalk my socials. I get the urge to add songs to our Playlist and reach out, but I know better. You don't want my friendship, so I will respect that. I will move forward on move on. Throw myself into distractions till I find my place without you. Everyone always said I was out of your league anyways, even though I don't subscribe to that sort of thinking. I didn't care about the money or the looks. I loved your spirit. I wanted you for you and nothing more. You discarded me like I was nothing. Did I mean nothing to you?
I would have thought maybe you would have some interest in trying to visit with me or at least talk with me in your last bit of limited time before you go disappear most likely for good. But no you ignore my texts Dodge every possible scenario that would keep us together one way or another in this life but no and your last bit of time left you decide to ghost me again. As I've been frantically trying to find another solution to help take care of you, despite your choice to return to your ex for help instead of me you've now just disappeared again without any reason other than being completely rude last time we talked for no reason at all other than I suppose you were frustrated that you didn't have a reason to b**** at me or treat me like s*** because I was still trying to help you. Meanwhile your ex was rejecting you. I've come to realize my whole purpose in your life has been nothing more than to use me just to make him jealous and manipulate his reactions. You only come to me when you want him to respond to you going to somebody else for help which he is always reacted that way and I've always been put back on the back burner. What a waste of love why the hell do I love you why do I give a flying f*** about somebody who treats me with no value at all other than a f****** tool to regain your f****** EX that you're so obsessed with? I don't expect you to have that answer because it doesn't serve you in any way back into his hands but that's okay I have the answer it was a rhetorical question Farley. So you go on ahead enjoy f****** off in a straight jacket where you belong I'm going to go about my business as if I never met your sorry ass. I should have never helped you from the start ever because it's done nothing but wasted my hopes my efforts my time and my ability to love somebody I wasted it on you while you were playing games well enjoy this game I'm f****** out and I'll never see you again got a problem with that take it on with your f****** EX you'll realize soon enough what you had enjoy your psycho ward at somebody else's expense you passed up something good that you'll never run into again don't call me for help don't reach out for something that you've ever gave a s*** about I'd rather be somebody else's tool then you're f****** joke. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Every one of my ex is treated me better than you. Everything about you is fake you ought to be ashamed of yourself but you don't know the feeling of shame because you don't know the feeling of anything you just mimic human emotions and blame everybody else for your problems that you refuse to take responsibility for you just point that finger I hope somebody breaks that f****** thing off all 10 of them. Screw you I should have never moved out here thinking that you would be here with me. That doesn't make you smarter than me by any means but congratulations you fooled me all that does makes me naive blinded by love that didn't exist but I learned my lesson and that's to stay away from trash like you and really stay away from anybody this whole world is f***** and I actually thought you were a good person even though I have no reason to think so you've been a liar since day one you don't care how it affects people and who you hurt as long as you get your obsession with your ex accommodated f****** have him that's the last f****** time. The best thing I can say about you and me was I had the opportunity to f*** a ghost and watch it disappear. Beyond that you've caused me nothing but pain you pretend to be sorry but continue to do it drag me back in just to do it again taking advantage of the fact that I love you so you could use me as a punching bag because you can't have your ex cuz he puts you through the same s***. I hope it f****** hurts I hope it hurts so much when reality hits you in the f****** face but I won't be there to see it which is a good thing because I don't want to see you hurt it would hurt me twice as bad and I can't change that. F*** you I should be in that God damn straight jacket. Goodbye by the time they set you free I'll be gone so don't assume that I'll always be there for you life is short especially when life sucks and is wasted on somebody not worth wasting it on.
Why should you chase someone who was
*brutal
*discarding
*disrespectful
*abusive
You would if you didnt care about yourself.
Thesaurus on the words you used:
Antonyms
*brutal- gentle, soft, kind, friendly, generous, humane, compassionate, concerned, tender
*discarding- embracing,welcoming, accepting,retaining, cherishing,caring, loving.
*disrespectful- respectful, high regard, polite, considerate, deference, reverent
*abusive- kind, tender, careful in treatment of others, deep sympathy, concern,affectionate, warmth.
Listing these might help you remember what you need /deserve long term, and its not a big ask.
You are worth effort. Your feelings are valid.
You do deserve to be loved genuinely.
You just have to believe it.
Then make your actions support that.
Why did you do it? Lie to me about any and everything, talk about me behind my back but to my face you said you were in the best marriage and you'd never change it for the world.
I held you when nobody cared. I threw away my dreams to make your dreams come true, and now you're saying you hate me for it? Why did you go back to the guys who influenced you to be so mean and hateful? Why did I do right by you and your now telling people I didn't even love myself?
I stayed until I couldn't. Because you wouldn't say no to them, I left you. Because you made it clear all my hard work meant nothing.
You made me cry but honestly what else is new? Now you're probably out laughing it up with your friends and I'm alone. I'm sorry it ended this way. Sorry you felt like telling everyone how horrible I was one minute then the next day I'm the best made you feel better. And the sad thing? You couldn't handle small arguments, that's when you said you hated me. But I love you.
K
Theres someone out there that can see your worth . She didnt.
A father told his daughter to take his old car to the corner car lot to see what they could get for it. She returned and told him what pittance they offered, $1,000 because it looked worn out.
The father told her to take it to a pawn shop and see what it was worth there.
The daughter returned, with their offer of $500 because it looked old.
The father asked his daughter to take the car to a car club . The car club recognized it was an iconic sought after rare model automobile who got them in touch with a collectors auction that offered to start the bidding at $150,000.
If someone doesn't appreciate you, you are simply in the wrong place. You should be around people that recognize your true value.
And yes, listen to your gut. Some are manipulating liars.
Maybe the used car lot knew what it was worth and just wanted to take advantage.
Im an old timer. Listen to me.
Your perfect mate 99 times out of 100 isnt the cutest one, isnt the sexiest one, isnt even your "type". When you sit with yourself, and find out what you really need, really are looking for, youll be able to see it in another woman.
She wont be the most stunning in the room.
Ive seen it too often.
You deserve to be genuinely loved.
You just have to believe that.
Wow the fact that you actually are looking for me on here is wild. I can’t even express myself anonymously to no one you know without you finding me just so you can put me down and make me feel even smaller than you already have made me feel. Don’t lie to yourself. You never cared about me or loved me. We wouldn’t be here right now if you had.
I know that was you that made that post It sounds exactly like something you would write. Those are the exact words, and your exact playbooks, and it is exactly what you do to twist reality and make me look like the problem. And if you aren’t him. You need to have some accountability. People don’t just do things like you described when they are dealing with a normal kind person. Your exes actions are those of someone who has been severely affected by somebody who is a narcissist who gaslight her makes her feel crazy and then puts her down just so you can feel like the better person.
But if this is you, here is what I have to say back to you:
You want to talk about "games" and "drama"? You left me holding the entire weight of the wreckage you caused. You chose someone else over me, made your choices, and left me to handle all the turmoil, pain, and health fears completely on my own. Yeah, maybe I processed that pain by posting vaguely and anonymously online without giving away real details.. because I needed an outlet for the damage you left behind.
But it’s hilarious that you want to accuse me of playing games. Look at you. If this is you, you’re sitting here lurking, searching, and writing paragraphs on anonymous forums just to protect your image. You’re playing the exact same "game" you’re complaining about.
That’s the definition of your narcissism. You can’t handle the idea that someone out there might see you for who you really are.
Everything always has to be about you, your fragile ego, and how the world perceives you. You start the fights, you yell, you make the choices that hurt people, and the second anyone reacts or stands up for themselves, you throw on a victim mask and call it "drama."
For the first time, I am actually processing how I’ve felt over the last two years. I spent that entire time terrified of losing you, constantly disregarding my own feelings just to fix things between us. I didn't realize back then that apologizing when I did nothing wrong.. just to keep the peace.. only fed your superiority complex.
You were never truly good to me. You yelled at me for asking basic, normal questions that human beings ask each other out of care. When your aunt fell and I asked if she was okay, you literally screamed at me and told me I was the only person in your life who annoyed you with questions like that. You made me feel like complete garbage just for caring about someone you loved. That is just one tiny example of how you treated me, and it's the exact reason I need to heal. It's why I am in these forums processing the emotional damage left behind after dealing with someone like you.
I don’t want you to keep a "special place" for me in your heart. Erase me from it completely. I don't want to be there, and you don't deserve to hold onto any piece of me after everything you put me through.
I’m done absorbing your projections. You made your choice.. now live with it and leave me alone.
EDIT:
I am done. I am completely done protecting you.
I came here trying to anonymously and vaguely process the damage you left behind just to get some release, and watching you antagonize me, play the victim, and call my pain "drama" was the absolute last straw. I am no longer keeping your secrets. I am no longer taking the blame for your anger issues, your choices, or the wreckage you caused.
Here is the reality of the man I dealt with for the last two years:
You abandoned me when it mattered:
You ditched me on my birthday, left me hanging, and ghosted me more than three separate times whenever it was convenient for you. I was always there for you when you were $400 short on getting your car do you want so badly you called me and I made sure you got your car when your family had no food on Thanksgiving and you wanted to make Thanksgiving dinner for your dad I gave you money to get food on Christmas. You didn’t wanna go to Christmas Eve because you didn’t wanna show without gifts. I made sure every single family member had a gift when you went there. Make sure your transcripts were paid for to be transferred over so you could go to school. I gave you money for food gas I gave you the last of my money sometimes because I thought it was investing in a future to you. I thought your family would be my family one day and I.. oh how I was wrong.
You punished me for caring:
You yelled at me and made me feel like garbage for asking basic, normal questions out of genuine care like asking if your aunt was okay because your rage and anger issues couldn't handle basic human interaction. Or anytime we were talking about a specific topic if I asked more questions about it because I was interested in you that’s what you do when you’re invested in somebody you wanna hear more about things are interested in. Not to this man he yelled at me and told me I was annoying.
You chose disrespect over loyalty:
You left me for a woman who literally hid your child from you, and then had the audacity to ask me to be your friend and watch you build a life with her. And I tried I tried really hard to be there and be friends with you that you came onto me and crossed the line and then when I asked you if you regretted it, you were very vague and so I was confused and asked if you weren’t a committed relationship because at that point we have been talking every single day and it kind of felt like we were getting back together. I didn’t wanna push you by asking you questions about your situation you thumbs down my question asking if you were gonna commit to relationship and then said “if you can’t wait, I’ll leave you be.“ And when I asked you what you meant by that you wouldn’t elaborate you said “I said what I said and I’m not saying anything more than that“ you knew what you were doing when you sent those text you know what you were trying to give me hope that once you gained access to the daughter that you don’t have access to right now and who you’re not on the birth certificate with that once you got access, you would come back to me but no instead you have keeping me a secret you your baby momma has no idea that me and you were even in love. And you just expected me to keep those secrets for you and I did. I didn’t tell anybody I haven’t told anybody and somehow I’m not to be trusted. You’re trying to build a life with a woman that you didn’t even tell the truth about the fact that you were in love with somebody in a relationship which she popped up out of nowhere with a kid.
You dangled hope to keep me hooked:
When you came back, you tried to make me feel like there was still a possibility for us down the line once you gained access to your child, using my feelings to keep me in your orbit.
You brought chaotic, legal turmoil:
You ended up getting arrested with seven different charges while expecting me to stand by, hold space, and absorb the mess of your life.
You completely abandoned me during a health crisis:
You knew about my health scare, that I had a lump in my breast you made me feel like shit, knowing that you were the only person I told about cause I was scared to worry anybody in my family. And I could’ve been fine with you not being present fully because I know you had stuff going on too, but really got me with the message where you said that you didn’t give a fuck about making small. Talk with me until I had a doctors appointment cause there’s nothing you could do when you aren’t gonna put an effort to make small talk. You knew I was terrified, and knew you were the only person I confided in. You didn't give a damn about my health, and to this day, you still haven't had the decency to ask if I'm okay. I told you that my doctor can rule out breast cancer and then I have to go back for an ultrasound in a week to see, and you haven’t cared about what the uncertainty of all of this is done to me on top of finding out you were talking to multiple different women behind my back the whole time and ignoring me during your time when I really needed you, I was freaking out about my health, ignoring me claiming to be too busy, but not busy enough to respond other woman.
You gaslit me when I set a healthy boundary:
When I told you we couldn't just be friends.. because we tried that and it was disrespectful to the woman you were trying to build a family with.. you turned it around on me and tried to make me feel like I was the crazy one. I told you that that we both know we can’t just be friends. We tried instead of you taking that burning because you’re the one that left me for another woman you put that burden on me. I’m the reason why we’re not friends why we’re not each other‘s lives no we’re not each other‘s lives because we can’t be friends. We tried. We both crossed the line. You made choices you knew would hurt me and you still made them you still chose. And all I’m trying to do is heal from the absolute heartbreak that you’ve put me through.
I spent two years terrified of losing you, constantly apologizing when I did nothing wrong just to keep the peace, and letting you feed your superiority complex at my expense. You were never good to me. You are a narcissist who only cares about how you are perceived, and the moment anyone holds a mirror up to your actions, you throw on a victim mask.
So here it is instead of me posting vaguely.. now what you’ve done to me is out there. Everything Ive been keeping in and protecting you from people knowing just how awful you are. Your ego couldn’t even handle the fact that I was anonymously vaguely posting about you so I could process my emotions and deal with the pain you caused me. So now I’m putting all your nastiness out in the world. I don’t even care anymore. You thought that you coming on here and intimidating me would shut me up but all it did was shred every last bit of me that wanted to protect you and now all I wanna do is expose who you really are. So go ahead keep poking me because I got plenty more that you’ve done to me This is only a quarter of what you’ve put me through.
I am done posting here because not even here anonymously was I safe from this man and his talking down to me making me feel like worse than I already feel.
I fkn love you g****fy ass b****
I tried to love you you're way,
adjusting and communicating on here
how I feel, my obvious letters were for 1 person only
I know you know who tf I was and when its me behind
a post , when I started pouring my heart on here
for a public audience. and getting a (stranger) in the Dm
I caught that vibe the same exact way you do when its me\
I dont just talk to anyone like that and pour out my thoughts
to strangers. my deeper understanding and unsaid love
I have for you... and you still. chose to disrespect and act
fkn stupid . ive let it go on I let you disrespect me by letting you back
after out of love. being blind to your envy I let my care and love over shadow
that hatred .... my postings went from love and care
to hey this what happened in the past explaining past heartaches
and now defence posts to your fkn bullshit the whole time im in your corner
supporting you . I still get put down. LIKE A POS how tf long you going
for I said I dont chase and I can't fake a vibe like I dont have shit to say
I tried breaking that ice to love and care without my boundaries always holding me back
but you still fake vibes talk shit and show love like thats why nothin I read when ik its you is
meaningless cause ik later on the next day you switch like a bitch
its hard to love a hater I try try those envy words block me from loving you and showing who
I am of course I fucking love you. You think I let someone disrespect me that long for
I know you're coming to vent, here but I shouldn't be a fucking punching bag and the one
you love at the same time fucking dumb.
The only end goes is to have you in my corner the same way I've been in yours ......
Hi D,
I read letters again today and saw goodbyes that my brain told me were from you for me. Of course i know it's reddit, but here is last one for today at very least.
* * *
I made the mistake of looking at radiohead page here, and then listened to Exit Music. Bad idea. Very Bad idea for me.
I can't listen to some of my favourite artists as they make me feel you around me or have memories.
I have written so much here and I am convinced if you are here, you are not going to reach out. I think I have had a delayed grief.
So to void and D Joshua Tree- I hope I see you in the next life. I hope something we had was valuable to you as it was for me.
I'll look here sporadically to see if a letter has anything truly specific in content- a memory or something that may make me think it has come from you.
have to get my brain, heart together and have faith that all will be well.
Please keep safe, please get health checks, please know I love you even if you don't believe it, please keep up the music, please don't lose your softness. Please don't forget about me. I'm going home to K house.
hugs, hugs, hugs
To say im betond tired of argueing with you is an understatement. Watching paint dry is more productive.
So, i tell you what, have a fking blast with your stories. Whatever you want to blame me for, go right ahead. Im the villuan you say, ok then, paint that picture aa bright as you can!
You say you barely survived MY abuse, well, run with that veraion for sure!
You sware i had ninja assassins chasing you, stalking you, tracking you, recording you, and hacking every electronic devixe you possessed....go on, blame me!
You already executed me for living a secret life and cheating on you with every person i came across, so dont let that story go to waste!
You have said more times than i can count that it was I who has done nothing but lie about everything, that i never loved you, i only used you, i lied to the cops, i lied to the courts, i set you up, all based on my terrible lies....so i must be the ultimate liar.
And when ever you need to change up the plot for whatever reasons you do change them, do it until your heart is content.
I do not care what you need to ahift blame on me for. I dont care who you sell that garbage to. Have a grand time doing so. Trash my name until you cant do it anymore. Or do it til the day you die. I wont ever interupt you, correct you, or ever hinder that train of thought again.
You arw free to continue living your make believe world as you see fit. I wont reach out or check up on you again. You are 1000000% free of me!! I guarentee it!
You never have to worry about me saying something to your friends that will contradict your bs. I wont ever be around. No surprise visits or calls.
It dont matter who you fuck or what scheme youre running, ill never be the one to throw a wrench in the spokes. If you get caught up, its solely on you. But hey, if you still cant handle the accountability if you get called out, feel free to find a way to blame me! Ita what uou have done best!
Feel free to lie to yourself as much as possible to drown out all potencial aspects of reality seeping through. No one wants to see a grown man have a melt down cuz theres no one but himself to blame.
Im your fall guy! Lay it on me! Make me the villian of the century! I juat dont care anymore. I dont care if you self destruct. Well not IF, but WHEN. we both know you cant help it, uts just how you do it.
Im not bitter. Not angry. Disgusted for sure. Embaressed, yes! I gave you everything and more and you shit on me every chance you had. I feel sorry for those you fuck over next. No one deserves the wrath because youre too good to seek help and addressing your issues.
It is what it is. I am done trying to save you or going out of my way to prove myself to someone who only saw me as their source of entwrtianment and ease.
If I could I would tell you how sorry I am that I was so harsh on you, that I thought your feelings weren't serious, that I wasn't aware you were scared as well. Scared of ruining what we had, scared of losing me the way I was scared of losing you.
I wished I had been more mature, more secure and more honest. But I was scared as well.
I wished I had told you what you meant to me. I wished I had let you known.
I wished you had let me know what I meant to you as well.
I wished we had been brave.
And if I could I would thank you for giving me hope when I had none. For being there for me after so many years and giving me hope my life isn't over just yet.
I wished I was free. I wished you'd try more.
I wished you'd text and call and video call mich more regularly. I wished we could see each other in person.
I wished you would tell me what I am to you by now.
You told me I could be anything to you.
But you didn't tell me what you hoped for.
Just a few weeks ago you texted me, called me and Video called me all within a week.
And then after another week you reached out. And then... nothing.
I told you we see each other too seldom. Nothing. No reply. You do what you do best. You disappear. And then... I am there. Feeling lost.
Did I push you too far? Are you scared? Or did you keep your distance because you consider it to be too risky considering out circumstances.
If I could I would tell you that you could have me easily. If you were to make your moves you could have me in a heartbeat. You always could.
Yes, things are more complicated now... but you are my weakness.
It doesn't make sense. I shouldn't yearn for your words, your attention, your touch.
I should be annoyed by your need to disappear. You leave and you come back.
Back then it used to scare me, it hurt me.
Now I know this is you being you.
But I have never loved another man the way I feel for you.
You are my weakness. And I wished you'd know that you never lost your spell on me. I am bound to you. I am drawn to you.
I know your weaknesses and still I love you.
But I wonder... would you have been able to love me, too? If you had gotten to know me truly the way people only know one another if they are in a relationship, living together, sharing their lives.
Would you have been able to deal with me? To love me despite all of my demons? Would you have been able to witness me facing my past? Would you have had the patience to help me grow up?
Would you have loved me?
Because I was always afraid you would withdraw if you saw the real me. But now I wonder... how would you have shaped me?
You never asked of anything from me. And I have no idea why you still want me in your life.
You never asked for anything.
And I would have given you my world.
You have no idea how much I wish to see you again. To lean against you, to cuddle with you. To feel your warmth.
To hear your voice.
To sense you are still not over me.
That you carry me inside you as well.
I will give you consistency. It will show you that I’m reliable and steady.
I will honor your opinion and your boundaries
I will not hide behind my walls and push you away
I will give you the love you deserve and reassure you of that every day
I/we will support each other’s dreams and help achieve them
I will love you with everything
I will be your safe space
I will be your best friend
I/we will hold our secrets
I/we will hold nothing against each other
I won’t run when things get tough or when we fight
I/we will be the home we have been looking for
As time goes on, we will face things together as a WE
I/we will help carry each others burdens cause we can be stronger together
I will sit beside you when I know you need
I/we can answer and be there for us when needed no matter what
I/We can be openly honest with each other at all times even if we know it will irritate us
And the biggest thing I will show you EVERYDAY is that I TRUST with heart and you can trust me with yours