r/LettersAnswered

Not something overt. Just something that let's me know you're there and you can hear me Osito. I know you know who I am. Please just let me know you're listening. I love you.

Hey I know we can’t communicate or talk again, but is there anyway you might be able to forgive me? 

I really am trying to move on  :) 

I have always chosen choosing you

Even when I was not there

Before that when my insecurities darkened me

I was choosing you

Choosing a life with you

A family with you

Growing old with you too

I still have insecurities

I don't even know if you speak to me

If your dreams are mine

But I do know mine are yours

So I hope you are still choosing me

Like I chose you

YOU.

I am not scared to say that I thought I had a person on here, maybe I was wrong. Read my post, Nickname. If it isn't you, tell me.

People on here can be so scandalous. It is so hard to know who you are talking to. If you are doing this to me to mess with me, please stop.

If you are my person, that I see in real life and may see in a few hours from now, message me. Tell me how I hurt you, I don't want to do it again.

I am growing tired of all the games that some are playing. It is hard for me to imagine that you would do something to hurt me, but I am just becoming more confused.

I have been here before. A similar situation. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest and turned inside out. They didn't choose me, no one ever does. Why would you be any different

Keep it positive this next week ok?This is going to be my toughest week to date. I use you for inspiration and motivation. Be nice to me.

After years of hurt from all the pain of ex lovers who broke my heart.

It was a relief that the universe brought sunshine into my dark.

The light in him, brightened up my days.

Turning forgotten feelings and lonely thoughts into distant memories.

Its not that i wasn't trying...

My efforts, were just analyzing.

Your truth was never overlooked.

It was simply that what you brought was new in my book.

It confused my ridiculous and broken brain.

Making me think that i was insane.

Things were different but not bad at all.

I was just trying to get used to how amazing you are.

I was just mostly in shock and awe...

Because getting treated with love like that was something i was not used to...

Because in the past, i was the only one giving it my all.

And since this separation from the love of my life...

I've done what i could and made peace with all of my inner self and my strife.

I know what went wrong and where i needed help.

Because without you around now...

I've learned that, i don't want anybody else!

🩷 Shirley🐑

I'm sorry I blamed you at all. I was sad that you kept your distance, but I can understand that it would be hard to try to communicate with someone who says things in such a bold way sometimes.

I don't realize just how accusing my words sound, when I write them. I'm not trying to hurt you, but I'm afraid that maybe I am, and I feel very sorry if have, since that's the last thing I wanted to do to you, and us. I think it is you who is using that anonymous screen name to follow me, and usually I remove followers I don't know, but I am keeping that person just because I have a hunch that this is the only way you feel comfortable being closer to me right now. In the past, the indirectness might have upset me, but I want you to feel safe, so I won't say anything.

Now I feel like such a loser. I know it's not all my fault. I didn't ask for the conditions I have, but I could have tried harder to be healthy. I should have thought about these things before you may have gotten emotionally involved again. It was selfish of me to not tell you from the start about my health. The truth is, I have been in denial myself. And I'm not acutely sick or diseased (that I know of). Maybe I sounded worse than I am, in that writing. I can manage, but I'm not working, and I don't see being able to work again. I don't want to be a burden in any way, especially since you have your own stresses and grief.

All I can say in my defense is that I have loved you for 20 years, and I was excited to think that maybe now that all this time has passed, we could have something real, something we were afraid of way back then. I was finally owning who I am and being honest with myself, and I thought maybe with your growth over the years too, we could face this together and finally have been a couple. Was it too delusional? We are both single (I think) and childless and have no relational obligations, so I guess I thought it could work. I thought love could overcome anything. I still think it can, but I know I'm no place to put anyone through stress.

Maybe I sound worse than I am. I am actually a mild-tempered person. People say I am easy to live with. I don't even snore unless I'm exhausted, apparently. I know I get depressed and anxious, but I try to manage it myself. I think I have good emotional intelligence and am reasonable and fair. I know I'm just trying to defend myself right now, although these things are true.

The fact of the matter is that I do think we could work, but I'm afraid now I have scared you away for good. You were probably just looking for reasons to pull the plug forever, and now you have them: my health, my financial situation...and my big mouth.

The thing I feel worst about is that sometimes my writing upsets you, I think. I saw that you viewed my story 8 times, and I admit I asked AI about why you would do that, and it said that some things I said might have been hurtful. I wasn't trying to hurt you, honestly. I was just trying to share my perception of the topic, and it came out harsh. I don't know why my words come out harsh. I can see that maybe you'd think "What?! This is what you think of me? This is how you really see me?! You don't understand me at all." And I could understand if you do think or feel that, really.

I love to write, but I can't seem to regulate my words at times. I would ask you not to take them to heart, but I do write from my heart. I just never mean to make you feel bad, and I know you do because you read some of my stuff and avoid other stuff. If only you knew my heart towards you and how warmly I feel towards you, even though it doesn't come out that way. I think you know that deep down or you wouldn't bother at all. It probably just hurts to see yourself in my eyes sometimes, even though I love you so much and am just too analytical of a person for both our good (and I know you're analytical too, but you keep your perceptions to yourself).

You have not been back.

I think you're avoiding me.

I hope you are healing, though.

The fact that you still attempt to read my writing after midnight on week nights does tell me you are thinking of me and still care. And the fact that you'd spend time on such long material about my past and thoughts and feelings tells me you know me better than most people, even if we haven't seen each other or talked directly in years. I wish I could know everything about you, too. I do know about your past in your previous country, somewhat. I like to know things so that I can understand, never judge you. I adore you and want to know everything there is to know about you - good, bad, and in between. I can handle most things, believe it or not.

You are the love of my life, and I hate that I probably pushed you away or might have hurt you in any way, but I have to be honest with you because, to me, that is the highest form of respect I can give you, even if it doesn't feel that way.

If I asked you to message me would you? 

If I told you I have lost myself would you help me find me again?

If I told you since I stopped replying to your emails I feel like part of me is missing, would you help me search for it?

If I explained to you that what was happening to me wasn't actually me but what this disease and meds do to me would it make any difference? 

If I asked you to come meet me would you make it?

If I asked you to talk with me and help me through something that only someone who knew me then could, would you be there to help me now? 

I feel like if I never have these answers I may never move on and I can't sit in pregatory forever.

G, if I told you what I felt for you was very real, very true and very much still there, could you say the same?

T xxx

I keep catching myself thinking about kissing you again.

There’s something about you that stays with me long after we’ve said goodbye. I think you’re incredibly beautiful, but it’s so much more than that. You’re a phenomenal woman. You have this confidence, this warmth, and this goofy side that makes it so easy to smile around you.

I have to admit something, though. I get anxious when I’m around you. Not because you’ve ever made me feel uncomfortable, but because I genuinely like you. I find myself overthinking what to say, wondering if I’m talking too much or not enough, and hoping I don’t make a fool of myself.

It’s funny because I’m usually a goofball, but around you my brain forgets how to cooperate.

Even with those nerves, I like who I am when I’m with you. You make me laugh, you make me feel seen, and you make it easy to enjoy the moment.

And yes… I really want to kiss you again.

You made the decision I couldn’t bring myself to make.
You took responsibility.
Just not in the way I longed for,
nor in the way I needed.

I should be angry with you.
Perhaps that would explain everything.
But it never was anger.
I simply couldn’t do anything else.
I was trying to protect what was left of me.

And still, I return to the facts.
Silence.
No message.
No reaching out.
Your hands are tied by the choice you made.

Yet I can’t help but wonder if there are moments when regret finds you too.
Those fleeting glances.
Those stolen winks.
The warmth you offer when no one else is watching.
So ambiguous.
And yet, I cherish every fragment of it.

I should be furious.
I should want nothing more to do with you.
Instead, all I find myself wanting is to be close to you again.

Eight months have passed,
and I still don’t understand why my heart refuses to follow what my mind already knows.

Maybe…
maybe this is where understanding begins.

The white ghost, yeah thats me in the hood,

Cracking jokes, giving my vibes to the

Beautiful people of the streets

The only white boy with the balls to pop off in the hood with creme and butter.

Yeah boo I think about you always.

Everyone I am blessed to cross paths with knows about who you are and what we must to do. I'm building an army of humble broken lovers of life to fortify the

Walls of our inner circle .

Love your self and most importantly forgive and love every one else.

Always and forever living in the dream of us laying the ground work for whats to come .

Ghost

So, let me start by saying ...

To this day, I'm still unsure of which username is yours. I have a hunch of which ones they could be, but i just don't know for sure.

So, please... If you're here somewhere, please DM me! I only have this profile now. I used to go by plastic_effective336, but i have since deleted that account. Only because someone was trying to claim all of my writings to you as their own.

I know you said you hated me or whatever but can you at least just tell me why?! I just don't understand what is happening! If you have been told anything about me, i promise you... They are just lies made up by some stupid fucking whore! Tell her, to show you all of the proof!

If you happen to come across this, i miss you! I never wanted to stop talking to you. I'm just so confused right now. Please! Just explain to me what the fuck is going on!! This is my one and only account now!

Also, why the heck are you going to my ex to relay a message to me?!

I love you! And i always have!

🩷 ShirleyL🐑

Sorry I called and texted you it was a moment of weakness I think i got everything worked out now I got to stop treating it like a dumb ass game that you played and remember its actually a relationship

I keep drafting and deleting. I wanna ask how you are doing? I wanna hear the good, bad, the funny moments you had recently. I wanna be able to tell you that I miss you. I wanna let you know you are important, loved, & appreciated. I see the good you are achieving, keep it up 👑. Maybe one I actually hit send or just say "Hey 👑, how are you?"

I just want to tell you that I feel really bad for you. I know you may not like me or even respect me. Hell you don’t even know me. I don’t understand why you felt it was worth it to insert yourself in a 10 year relationship and expected you were gonna be blessed…. Honestly I don’t know if you are jealous of me or what. Honestly it’s baffling to me. You turn my partner against me. You help him set up way to conceal his wrong doing and you have him being deceitful. For what purpose? He could have left the relationship and it would have looked better. However you will not have a fairytale romance when it’s built on deceit and lies.

If you were any sort of a person you would have had a one on one conversation with me… no drama. I can have adult conversations without violence but you don’t want that. You are miserable and I hope you find peace. I’ll be praying for you.

Me being in your life is the last thing you need. You need rehab. Maybe you can hire me as your life coach after? lol you have to allow verbal and physical abuse. It’s part of therapy. And laughing till you can’t breathe is also part of that.

I’m no good for you right now. I need to see improvement. All I see is the same thing. You bad mouthed me to my favorite people. Who wants to run to that? My passport is expired. It’s been that way the whole time. I need to see improvement. I just see you talking into the void. It’s not to me. When are you talking to me? I’m blocked. I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t believe ANYTHING you write here.
Do tell me one thing… why stalk me? What do you get out of it?

i wanna stay silent but can’t do it , I see the words that you express my thoughts on the situation in the past but it’s just so sad that we have to be in the middle and not have to worry for a second about the situation that is going to be the last time I see them and then we can talk to them about the future of our relationship with each other’s life is just like that I love it so far but it’s not that serious I don’t want it I don’t wanna talk about that but it’s not a good idea I just wanna know if I don’t know if you want me or if I want you know what you need me and you don’t know I just wanna talk about this with my friend I know that you don’t know but it’s not that hard I know that you want me but it’s not like I want you and you to know that you to know what you know that you need me and you want to talk to you just want me and you don’t know that you just wanna be with you don’t want me and you don’t want

I said I wouldn't call you. And so far, I've stuck to my guns about that.

I did, however, send you a gif.

Just couldn't stop myself.

You know, earlier I threw in my earbuds and took a walk to the gas station around the corner. My main reason was to get a new vape, and maybe something for my son.

I found myself at the back coolers, where the alcohol is kept. I browsed a bit, looking mostly at the 4 lokos and the twisted teas. I saw a black cherry that sounded good, and I was so tempted... Actually went to open that door and grab one or two. I've been feeling down most of the day, and I thought, maybe just tonight. It's the 4th after all...

I walked out with a new vape, and a Yoohoo for him. Nothing else.

It's been almost 10 months now since I've had a drop of that stuff. Something that, just a year ago I couldn't go a night without. I still think about it. But I can show restraint.

As much as I hate to say it, I hope one day I can get to the point where I have that level of restraint with you.

I hope you enjoy your evening. And please stay safe.

When we first met, I was not looking for love, I was running away from it. But you were so kind and gentle that I felt my heart slowly opening up to you. Before I knew it, I was head over heels in love with you. <3