r/LettersAnswered

You don't know what happened to me when you left. You didn't see the nights I tried to convince myself I was okay, whispering lies into the dark just to stop my chest from collapsing. You didn't see how I begged my own mind to give me a break even for just one hour from the memories that kept replaying without mercy. You didn't see how many times I reached for my phone, hoping for a message that would never come, or how i kept. typing words I knew you'd never read. You didn't see how I started skipping meals, canceling plans, losing track of days because everything felt heavier without you. You didn't see how i stood in front of the mirror, staring at someone I barely recognized someone dimmer, smaller, quieter. A version of me you wouldn't have fought for anyway. You don't know how many times I almost texted you, not to bring you back, but just to understand why you left so easily. Why it was so simple for you to let go of something I was still breaking myself to hold onto. I became a ghost in my own life drifting through days, haunted by memories that refused to die. I carried the weight of conversations we never had and endings you never explained. And the cruelest part? You walked away like nothing happened. Like I wasn't someone you once held, once chose, once called "yours." While you moved on without looking back, I was left standing in the ruins, trying to gather the pieces of a heart-you didn't think twice about shattering. I'm still learning how to breathe again slowly, painfully in a world that doesn't have you in it anymore. And maybe one day, I'll stop wondering why losing you felt like losing myself too. If you think I never truly loved you or saw you, well I did / I still do.

I’m not going to wait for you.

But maybe one day you will reach a point where you are capable of negotiating and not just dictating to people. I may have time for you then.
No promises. X

My love,

I thought this is what you wanted. What we wanted. I thought you were happy, but it seems that this doesn’t hold the excitement you crave. I know you’re drained. I know you’re tired.

I’m trying. I’m doing what I can to hold things down. Doing what is necessary to be and stay healthy. I’m communicating like I never have before. Maintaining a sense of calm is only a single step, but being your place of calm is another that I willingly take. But you… you seem so distant.

I’m cooking. I’m cleaning. I’m managing the children, our home life, while trying to nurture our dreams. I’m looking into passive incomes. Ways so that you won’t have to work so hard. Extra things to make you feel loved and appreciated.

Quality time isn’t doing it for you. You still seem stressed, even though gaming is what you crave. Words of affirmation never did anything, but hey, it was worth a try. Physical touch doesn’t seem to be of interest to you, and acts of service are seen as the norm- or bare minimum from what I usually offer. I got you a gift, and I could see how happy it made you. To have a nice thing that only you could use. A nice thing you’ve always wanted. Though that nice thing lasts, the thought of it has slipped your mind.

I have given what I can. I continue to provide what I can and put you first above all else. I love and miss you. I’m feeling at a loss, and all I wanted was you.

I love and miss you a lot.

It deeply grieves me to see your pain. I wish I could do something about it. I have always cared about it, and I never wanted you to feel otherwise.

I look at our old pictures and think about our memories, and still feel the love we shared. I remember your beautiful smile, your precious laugh, and your silliness. It matters to me, even if it’s gone.

It hurts so deeply that our relationship is shattered, that we fell into cycles and patterns of pain that felt impossible to escape. I never wanted any of this.

There was instability between us even before everything that happened later. I know I started shutting down long before then, because of the pain I was feeling in our relationship. After what happened, and the way things unfolded between us, that shutdown was harder to stop.

I know that we were both hurting and trying in our own ways. I wish we had known how to hold both of our hearts at the same time. I know that we weren’t okay.

I wanted to put the pieces back together so desperately.

I realize that I wasn’t okay.

My nervous system was in a constant state of falling apart. I also realize that I was trying to stabilize myself so that I could show up for you better, not because you or your pain didn’t matter. I didn’t know how to help myself or ask for it. My heart was so badly damaged and my body couldn’t handle it anymore. I know that hurt you, and I’m sorry.

Some of the things you said to me during that time impacted me more than I knew at the time. They shook me so deeply that my body and heart didn’t know how to keep going, even while I was trying to be there for you. I tried to take all of it and ignore my feelings because I thought I deserved it. I tried to ignore my own nervous system in order to focus on you, but it didn’t work.

I deeply desire for you to understand that, but I’m trying to accept that you may not.

I know that you believe that conversations between us would make no difference, and I’m trying to accept that, truly.

Today marks 100 days since our relationship ended.

I still have hope that our love is stronger than what happened between us.

I believe love is enough.

But I’m trying to accept the reality that this is over, as painful and heartbreaking as it is.

I love your joyful spirit, your ingenuity, your whimsy, your intricate and deep heart, your beautiful mind, and your soul that was uniquely crafted.

You are uniquely and unequivocally you, and I have always loved you for who you are.

My emotions cycle between sadness, confusion, frustration, denial, acceptance, and grief. All of it. Those words don’t fully capture how it feels.

But I know, deep in my heart and soul, that I love you.

The apologies, the im sorries. the please forgive me's, they all say im feeling regret for my actions, but what is not said after ends up saying it all. I forgive the things of hate, the things of cruelty and vindictiveness ... what it doesnt say or change is the things the feelings, the intent, the meaning behind the words of hurt. The " I hate you" , the " I dont love you" , the " I wish you to death" , all the statements tell me what you feel, they all tell you why it ended between us. Through all the good times, the bad times and in between times, I never would say those things, I would not even think thoughts like that about you. I never felt those things towards you even when your treatment of me was horrible. I know you were hurting, I was too. I wanted to be there with you during your times of struggle, your times of hurt, your times of pain, to hold your hand and walk with you through it all.

The problem is I cant do that. Why ? well you shut me out long ago. I know you think, most people do think, that they can open up to other people, that they will act normal and their partner will never notice. They wont notice that when you come home from work you dont share your day as much as before, they dont greet you as sweetly as before, its little increments of things that disappear , slowly, without the perpetrators own realization of the actions they are not doing anymore. That is how it started long ago. With the small things, then the things like using the personal traumas I shared against me when fights or arguments arise. That was a shock. Being dismissive of my feelings, my hurt, my emotions.

Then the next things that happen when your spouse is sharing themselves with other women online, sharing your emotions, your fears, your dreams, your problems, your hurts, everything. What happens is that because you spend your time sharing with them when it comes time for you to interact with me, you have nothing to say. This is because you already shared your daily ups n downs, your daily feelings, to them, you are ready released your stresses, your accomplishments, your frustrations, with them, so you feel emptied out already, so you feel their is nothing more to say to your spouse.

It starts out slowly, it starts out just a little bit of time is taken away from the partner. Then as time goes by more n more is shared, time to the other women is given but taken away from the spouse, by the time I get a chance to speak to you, the only thing to talk about is the weather, or our kids. That is slowly shutting me out, that is stopping the building of the relationship, stops the bond from growing, from being solid. I know that people think that they can talk to other women, or men and you can compartmentilize the situation but you cant.. Pretty soon we were not even spending the evenings in the same room.

I know I was far from easy. I am hormonal, I am emotional, I know I made a small effort to show you that I was attracted to you, that I want to give you affection and I didnt show my appreciation enough,but I did show you and tell you how wonderful you were. I can see how I made you feel like you couldnt do things right at times but I didnt do it all the time, or on purpose, i wasnot tryin to make you feel like that cause I never thought that about you. it wasnt just me. It was your own insecurities , it was the guilt of your actions behind my back.

You can put all the blame you want on me, of course you will, cause you dont want to reconnize all the damage you did, you dont want to recognize that the breakdown, the distance started with you. Telling other women our issues, your emotions , everything. Yet me, the one you like to boast to my family, friends , is your best friend. What a best friend you dont talk to? The best friend you didnt make feel wanted either, The 'Love" you didnt want to show love to, ....You can put all the blame on me thats fine I will take it because I now what I did and didnt do, but you cant see that everything you want to claim I did to you is how you treated me! You gave yourself to other a long time ago and stop givnig yourself to me, you didnt show me you were attracted to me, or that you even liked me....I begged you for years , I talked to you way before we ever moved that I felt like you never talk to me....

Im sorry that either you are to immature to see the same actions you blamed me for is how you treated me. The difference is I wasnt cheating, emotionally or physically. I tried to talk to you, I tried to get you to open up to me, you didnt want to do shit but be fake to me... You want to call other women your "best friend" so then why didnt you divorce me? why did we buy a house together when you didnt want anything with me, or from me intimately (not sexually) ....Its sad that you are so obtuse to see what you had. So self absorbed. So insecure. I wish you knew you have everything to be secure in. You used to thats what I fell in love with.

Dont worry Im not going to try to do anything to be with you. You made it clear for 10yrs of our marriage you didnt want us.. If I would have done and said the thing you did about me, if I would have had all these men as "BF" you would have lost your mind.. ITs to bad you never gave us a chance or gave me the opportunity to be friends, to be close. Why would you lie and play house with someone you dont even like.. I know you will get mad at this cause your anger comes out when you know you are in the wrong, and you dont want to take responsibility for your actions or behaviors, you try to turn it on others.. So since you didnt want to be BF or love me you should just go file now.. Im sorry you want to refuse to acknowledge that you know I loved you deeply so you can use it as a reason for your behavior. You will do the same things in your next relationship as well...

I have changed dramtically, not in the way that my kindness and love towards people and animals has changed but in the way that I know I dont need to tolerate intolerable behavior, I know my worth, I know my mistakes and I know where I didnt make mistakes. I started my new life journey for us, for you to be able to retire and I would work. Now I am on my journey for me and my family, for the next person who loves and I love, who wants to BE my BFF...I always knew that we could have been great together, sorry everyone else was more important to you than our family. You created your own resentment by your actions and not leaving when you didnt want us...

You like to be mad and talk shit that you are gone, but you seem just fine, this was what you wanted , cause the things you said to me that you apologize for, are also the things that werent said after that apology. Like I dont hate you, I do love you , I dont want you to die etc. ... So your apologies are fine but the intent behind is still there ... So if you hate me and dont love me then why you mad, why you say so much... Just go be happy now. You can create the life always wanted away from me, from us..you wanted it. While I grieve the life I wanted, with who I wanted and had... I will always have love for you, I will always have hurt and pain from you.

A little news for you, the neighbor next door is getting a divorce too! the good looking attorney. He mowed the lawn for me and I didnt ask.. We talked for awhile the other night, he works for our town courts now ..

Blocking me is crazy lol

I assume I’m blocked on everything, but the only reason I even seen it was because you popped up as a IG suggestion a while ago and would always be there in that section, so than I checked snap (where I just seen you peeping my public story) and sure enough..

9314 obsolete

But still works at the Fred Meyers gas station.

Hi, how have you been?

Took a month off of here for my sanity.

Probably didn't work lol.

My dad's in rough shape:(

Staying with him. Cleaning

God knows there is a lot of that to do here. BARF! FAFA

SO YUCKY! Bean dealing with the reddit mob a lot.

Someone even gave out my phone number. Super cool!

This place is full of trailer trash ...

It's sad really. Most came here with a broken heart.

But it's an evil place. And as they search and search

With there person not here or even worse just watching and getting other people from their real life

To join in to mess with them. I don't get that part about humans ! Going from Best friends and partners to the one that water boards you with a mask on. Why torture someone you loved ?

I know of 2 confirmed

Un alive that has happened

Just since I've been here.

Hell, they pushed me pretty close a couple times.

The private phone calls I've had are pretty petty of people. I will pray for there healing. And your healing, and mine. Somebody has to around here !

At least I know I have a heart with compassion.

I just wish we could get the Care bears in here and shine some rainbows up some back sides and make them happy again.

Anyways, I miss you terribly. Still, every day.

Every night. And I'm really not trying to Chase you down thinking of immediate relationships or anything Goofy and forceful like that.

But what I would like is still an opportunity to talk. You can't climb a mountain unless you drive to the mountain first. I know you've driven to the mountain for me before plenty of times.

I ask you can you at least drive to the mountain for me one more time so we can look at the hill that we created together and figure out how to just not have to live with the anxiety fear and resentments towards each other and the people that we love..

Love you dear. Get some rest. <3

Though I've tried to forget you, to erase You from my thoughts completely... My mind still races ... My heart still chases.. My body still longs ...

For you...

I thought by now if I'd stood my ground and simply walked away... my thoughts of you would not linger still ... In every step I take. My feelings for you would fade behind me as I distracted myself with distance. My mistake, I guess I'll never escape what I feel...

For you...

I turn my head and look the other direction as if I can't feel your eyes upon me. I'm not sure why? But that's not for me to decide. The distractions. The distance. The decisions. Do not make a difference.

My thoughts still linger with every step My heart still jumps out of my chest . No matter what I do... I'll not ever forget you .I don't have a choice... I feel your presence and I know...

It's you.

I left you, and I knew it would be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also my final and greatest act of love for you.

Oh where do I start this one.

The realization came to me this morning, all of my ex’s who have done me wrong in some kind of way has always said, they’re scared of loosing me or waking up to me being gone. Why though?

See in my mind you shouldn’t be scared of loosing someone, unless you are actively doing something behind their back that you know if they found out they would leave you. So what is it you’re truly scared of? Are you scared of me finding out or are you scared to loose me?

If you’re scared of me finding out then don’t do the fucking actions that I would have to find. In the other hand if you’re scared of fucking loosing me, then actually treat me like you don’t want to loose me, don’t just ignore me then tell me you’re scared to loose me. If you truly want me the way you say you do you wouldn’t do anything that you even have a small thought would upset me in even just the slightest unless you know it’s a temporary upset before I’m happy because of what you did.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, sorry for any mistakes in typing, I just can’t stand when people say this but never act it because I’m actively going through it right now.

It’s one of those weeks.

You get one of these weeks. When you can’t take your hands off me. I’m too intimidated to ask about it, but it’s like clockwork… and well, I like that week a lot. I like that you drag me everywhere and give what you want when you want it.

It’s my turn to have it, I think.

Every little thing triggers it. The way you push your hair out of your face and I see your hand close to your face, it’s enough to remind me. I saw you eating that parfait a little messily, getting it all over your lips the other day. You were doing that on purpose, right? You had to. You had to have known. I couldn’t stop staring, I had to stop speaking for a moment after trying to stutter my way through a goddamn sentence. I forgot what the hell I was going to say anyway.

And the sundress? The goddamn sundress. Pardon me for breathing the same air as you. I choked when I saw it, and you had the nerve to ask me if I was alright while I was fighting for my life… the enemy being an adventurous gulp of water that wanted to hike down the wrong pipe. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I can’t watch you walk away from me because my eyes wander, or when you stand right in front of me and look up at me with those pretty eyes, lips pulled back into a smile but it reminds me of —

I feel insane. That hasn’t even been the worst part.

I can’t even let you touch me anymore without getting a response. You play with my hair once and it’s what I think about for the rest of the day. Maybe the entire week. Do you know how many times I’ve had to use those stupid yoga breathing techniques my best friend likes to do just to calm myself down? You put your head on my shoulder while we were walking, both your arms cradling mine to your body and I felt like imploding and whooping in the streets.

You don’t even have to try.

Fuck, you don’t even have to ask, just give me the look you always do.

Let my hands read your body like those smart eyes like to do with all those books. For an entire day, all I’d like to do is spell my full name out with my tongue on your —

I'm supposed to be so much better than that, good God man, get a grip...

Ah, yes.

Maybe this is insanity.

well work on the rest tg just come home my love.

I need you to do something for me.
I’ll admit my selfish tendency in asking
But I’m afraid I must ask anyways
To test your truth in professing your love

I need you to forget. Forget how I was wrong
I need you to let slip the times I let you down
Erase all the foolish habits and mistakes
I probably continually made.

Remember the lessons you learned from
My fleeting moments of wisdom
Hold tight the highs of our laughter
Lock away the looks that warmed our souls

Then walk into the new you, the better you
Leave behind your fears and bad habits
Let your heart be open to good if it happens
To cross your path.
Do not make the same mistakes that lead us to divide
But take that frame of love and use it to build your dreams still.

Accept how sorry my heart is for failing the only test that has mattered. Leave the pain with me. It is now mine to carry.

Goodbye and thank you.

........], I never want to throw away what we have shared, the unwavering bond we've built over time. She is my first love, and I love her unconditionally with my heart, body, and soul, feeling a profound connection that grows deeper each day. I care deeply about her, not only for who she is now but also for the potential of our future together. She is everything to me, my reason for waking up with a smile, my comfort during hardships, and my greatest joy. She matters more than words can say, and she means the world to me. She has been a major influence in my life, shaping my perspective and inspiring me to grow. I prioritize her happiness and well-being above all else, always seeking to support and cherish her. I don't want to lose her, as she is the only one I have in my life, my partner, confidant, and best friend. I will never love another. Please stay, darling. I promise to love her sincerely, care for her wholeheartedly, and stand by her through all life's challenges. I vow to build a better relationship with her and for us, fostering trust, understanding, and happiness for the rest of our days.

 I love her always and forever

I don’t even know how to explain this properly, but I guess I just need to let it out somewhere.

We were more than friends, less than lovers. No label, no clear commitment, just something in-between that felt real enough for me to care… a lot more than I probably should have.

At first, I thought it was fine. I told myself to just go with the flow, not expect too much, not rush anything. But the problem is, feelings don’t really wait for labels. I got attached. Fast.

We had moments that felt like something special, like it was going somewhere. We talked every day, shared stupid videos, had little routines that started feeling like home to me. How can something undefined can still feel so real.

Then one misunderstanding changed everything. Someone messaged me flirtatiously and I jokingly replied back, thinking it was harmless. I even showed it to you because I didn’t think I was hiding anything. But it hurt you more than I realized... I'm so sorry D, and when I panicked, I made things worse trying to explain myself. After that, you got cold. We had one long conversation, and you told me it would be better if we stayed friends because you realized you're weren’t ready for a relationship.

‎I made one careless joke, and somehow it ended up teaching me one of the hardest lessons: sometimes a small moment can change the way people see you, the way they love you, and the way you see yourself after they leave.

But even after saying goodbye “for now,” we still kept a small connection through our TikTok streak. Then one day, you just stopped replying. Just silence.

And maybe that’s what makes it worse because there was no official ending. Just distance. Just no contact. Now it feels like I’m grieving something that was never fully mine in the first place.

It’s weird how something that was “not even a relationship” can still hurt this much. I asked myself If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I could stay?

Funny how flowers can stay beautiful even after the story ends… but the hands that gave them can’t even hold yours anymore.

That’s the hardest part of all of this trying so hard to move forward, only to realize that some memories still find their way back to me. I keep telling myself to let go, but there are days where all that’s left is guilt, silence, and the weight of missing someone who no longer reaches back.

I keep reminding myself it wasn’t guaranteed, it was never secure, and maybe that’s the point. But knowing that doesn’t really stop it from hurting.

I guess this is what they mean when they say situationships can mess you up. Because you don’t just lose a person you lose the “almost,” too.

-H

You do not wait until you are ready.

You move, and readiness meets you in the momentum.

That is what I understand now.

I spent too long standing at the edge of my own life, waiting for the right moment, the right answer, the right sign, the right person to believe in the vision with me.

But waiting did not build anything.

Waiting only gave uncertainty more room to breathe.

I am done mistaking stillness for patience.

I am done calling hesitation love.

I am done grieving misalignment like it is some permanent sentence over my life.

It is not.

Misalignment was the lesson.
Action is the answer.

I am aligned now.

Not almost.
Not someday.
Not when everything feels safe.

Now.

I am aligned with the man I am becoming.
I am aligned with the future I see.
I am aligned with the love I know I can give.
I am aligned with the life I am no longer willing to beg anyone to believe in.

A vision without belief is fantasy.

So I am done fantasizing.

I am building.

I am moving with purpose.
I am choosing with clarity.
I am acting without needing approval from anyone who only understood me after I started walking away.

This is not sadness anymore.

This is momentum.

I know what I want.

I want love that moves with me.
I want truth that does not hide.
I want loyalty that does not need to be decoded.
I want peace that does not punish me for needing it.
I want someone who does not just see the vision, but steps into it with both feet.

Not by force.
Not by pressure.
Not because I begged.

Because they believe.

Because they choose.

Because they are aligned too.

So this is where I stand.

I am ready.

Not because the fear is gone.
Not because the pain disappeared.
Not because everything is perfect.

I am ready because I am moving anyway.

Will you align with me?

Not in silence.
Not in signs.
Not in almost.
Not in words that never become action.

In motion.

Because I am not waiting for life to prove I am ready anymore.

I am ready because I started.

Can’t believe it’s been 4 months… 120 days since the day you decided to disappear, you sent me that last text and vanished, blocked me on everything and wouldn’t even give our relationship the end it deserved after 2.5 years. I poured my heart out in those last couple of messages and you couldn’t even find it in you to acknowledge them. Now I know I wasn’t perfect and there were times I definitely not the best boyfriend. But you know I did try so hard, but you never wanted to hear the issues I had or fix what I thought was broken, you just wanted me to always perform as the “good boyfriend” cause you thought as long as we’re going on dates then everything is good.

I want to reach out so badly but I’ve deleted your number and I don’t remember it, but really it has to be you to reach out, I can’t be the one who tries to repair what you broke especially after you ignored those last messages I sent you.

I fought so hard for our relationship and tried so hard to show you the love I have for you. But somehow it was never enough.. when all I asked for was some appreciation for what I’m doing, you met me with “if you feel that way we should break up”.

All the gifts, the planned trips, the weekend getaways. Yea sometimes I asked you to contribute a bit to the trips but I was trying to build a partnership and build those memories we’d have together forever. When we first started dating you told me you’d never really traveled and you wanted to see new places, so I made it happen. Even when you put everyone in your life before me I stuck around and fought because I did love you and I wanted things to work so badly.

It sucks that now we’re strangers with memories of better times. I wanted it to be you so badly, that I lost myself along the way. But either way, I really do hope life’s treating you well and you’re happy. I’ll always have love for you.

Called what indeed you are exactly who I thought I had to look through it so much harder because you are better than you give yourself credit for. Oh and I did not see the double indenty coming it through me so getting a confirmation was harder than you'd think. $o I will say I was very grateful for your help or lack of either way it worked. Ass for a month or so I see no need as there is nothing left to do and I will be interview others now thank you for you desire 🙏 to help but helping has never been about ruling the world! The Muse

I see your pain, and it grieves me. I want to hold your heart and keep it steady. I want to help clean it, bandage it, and help it heal.

I want you to see my pain and do the same with my heart. I want my pain to be acknowledged too. I want to know that it matters.

I don’t want it to be a competition over whose hurt is allowed to exist and be cared for. Love isn’t telling someone “it’s not about you, it’s about me,” or expecting them to attend to your heart completely while theirs is bleeding out.

I think that’s part of where we went wrong. You were in so much pain and wanted the focus to be on rescuing your heart because the pain was overwhelming and consuming. I’m so sad that was even the case in the first place. But I couldn’t properly focus on your heart when I was being told to ignore my own. I truly tried, but a bleeding heart can only give so much. Even when I tried, I still fell short.

I was in pain too. It mattered.

Sometimes I felt like I was expected to steadfastly hold your heart while you were stabbing through mine, and then when I stumbled and your heart became more bruised, you blamed me for it. I deeply wish you would understand me or have the desire to.

I know that we won’t hold each other’s hearts again. I know that you aren’t coming back. I know that you are settled on your interpretation of me and our relationship. I know there’s nothing I can do.

Even so, I still wish you could see the man who loves you more than anything. Deeply flawed, but still loving you. I wish you could see the man who has always wanted you. I wish you could see the man who cares about you deeply. I wish you could see the man who felt so much pain that his body couldn’t sustain itself, not the one who never loved you.

I know those desires won’t be fulfilled by you, and I have to hold this deep knowing in myself that they’re true, even if you never give that to me.

I feel silly even having hope for us, but I cannot force my heart to stop wanting that right now.

Maybe one day you would finally understand that I wasn’t trying to argue with you , I just wanted to be understood.