Had i only been told that there was another whore you were entertaining....
Had you simply packed your bags and just left.....
Had she been woman enough to not allow you to live 2 lives.....
I wish like hell you had the balls to be man. Even now.
Instead, youre a coward who cant own his shit and has the audacity to cry victim.
Was it worth it? Are you better for all of it?
What a fucking joke.
I loved my oldest's hand print set in plaster when she was in kindergarten. I hung it on the wall and looked at it often. Her tiny little hand imprinted in plaster. One day it was knocked of the wall and i nearly lost my mind. I was so crushed. I was able to glue it back together and then decided that when she graduated, i get her hand print in plaster again.
My younger 2, also brought home their tiny hand prints frozen in plaster when they were in kindergarten. I would also plan to have their hands cast at graduation too.
Those plaster prints were things i absolutely cherished. They went right along with the pix of them from kindergarten onward in a timeline of each grade. Which all went with my ultrasound pix of each baby.
But. I never got passed Bs plaster hand in highschool. There would be another 8 years to complete Ds and 10 years for Ss.
I should be mixing the plaster for D. Hes less than a month away from graduation. His timeline of school pix should be completed.
But all of that is gone. You took it all away from me. No tiny hand prints. No baby pix. Not even an ultrasound pic. You destroyed it all. And never was sorry for doing so.
Thats why i know (one of a million other reasons) there was no love from you. You never gave a fck. You throw such nasty tantrums when you arent getting your way. But the war you created, was baseless. There was no wrong doings for you to retailate on. There were no secrets behind your back to react to.
You ran from your own guilt. And in the process, you took every simple thing that meant the world to me and destroyed it.
Im sorry you cant function as an adult and dont know how to appreciate whats in front of you. But just because youre a miserable creep, doesnt mean you need to ensure all around you are just as miserable.
When i think about those jars of sand from each beach trip, that you trashed, it stings a little deeper. Hearing your words "youre not sorry for anything" often follow.
I never had anything to be sorry for. That was all on you. I am now though, very regretful for not making you own your drama. I am very sorry for allowing you to destroy a happy home and never making sure you paid for your evil.
No im not sitting here in my own little pity party, crying over materialistic items that wont go with me at death. Im not screaming my victim status to the void with hopes of gathering comments of sympathy.
I am sitting here putting graduation announcements and pix together to be sent out and recalling the last 12+ years.
You caused so much intense, unnecessary pain and have the audacity to take the "poor me" stance. You have the gull to say "just leave me alone" whenever the truth is in your face.
I cant think of a lower life form than what you currently hold. It sickens me that, that doesnt even phase you. It dont matter you stripped me of everything i ever possessed. But those little things that cant be replaced, that wont bare any meaning in a short time, are the very things i treasured while living this life. And you took it all away, as if you have that right.
I regret giving you my all. You never appreciated, wanted, respected, or even liked having everything given to you on a silver platter. It was never good enough. I am glad i am not you. I dont know how you live with yourself.
No, youre not welcome to Ds graduation. You will not be granted access to ruin anymore. I wont be sending your announcement until after the ceremony.
Its the little things in life....
It would of been greatly beneficial for you to accept face value.
You always had to twist and miscontexualize everything.
You always filled in gaps with what suited you.
The stories became surreal, far fetched and never plausible.
Why accept the chaos as something to call reality?
Why not take a step back and look at what face value offered?
Truth is simple. Remember?
I text u earlier only to see if you were still in need of the shower head cuz I was clearing junk out and ran across it.
I was not looking to start a convo. I won't be stopping by to drop it off. Actually I have a few items you were in need of. But that's just not my problem.
I don't have the slightest concern for you anymore. I don't care what state your health is in. Your true colors can't get any clearer. And it's ugly.
Ita a shame to see such h a wasted life. But it is all make believe with you. You have so many faces, how do you find the energy to live like that?
I will NEVER apologize for you beating the shit our of me and coming damn close to gaslighting me. I will never be remorseful for trying so damn hard to make me believe your fabricated version. I most certainly will never apologize for "hurting you". You should be thankful I'm NOTHING like you. You should be thankful I didn't become like you. Otherwise, your ass would I'd been locked up years ago and I could of made sure you remained for many more years.
The thought crossed my mind a billion times. It would be just. It would be fair. But you self destruct all by yourself. I didn't feel I needed to help that department any.
I will regret giving you a 1/3 of my life and allolwilnlgl you to destroy those years. I will always resent every evil deed and vile lie. I'll forever be disgusted because I have my all and more only for you to spit in my face.
I hate your games. I cant stand your lies. The love I have is forever buried cuz it is based on a fcked up facade and you don't deserve it.
Idc what bs you spew about me to keep your victim status. So lie threw those fcked up teeth and play that busted violin. You'll never be able to play me, use me, or abuse me and the kids again.
I pray I never see your face again!
You get up set, you shove me.
You get upset again, shove harder, make me stumble back.
You get mad, shove harder again. Make me stumble 2 steps back.
Upset, shove as hard as you can. I stumble back and fall. When I get back up, you shove me again for running away.
Push me as hard as you can, stepping into each shove, I stumble, scrape me knees, fall face down. It takes me a minute to stand up. You are offended it took me so long.
You run at me and shove me with all you got. I stumble, I trip, I face plant, I break an ankle. It takes awhile to stand. When I get up, I don't stand so close.
You get really mad I'm not at arms reach, so you retaliate for not being so close. You run me over with a car. Send me to the hospital. Then blame me for not being there when you needed me most.
I stay in the hospital longer than you like. You set it on fire to force me out. You shove my wheelchair into on coming traffic and scream I'm just running to hide from you for selfish reasons.
I go quiet. I leave you be. I can't take anymore knock downs.
You set me up for a final KO. I manage to survive it and walk away.
Now, it's you and a make believe version that makes no sense and you want me to prove my love because if I loved you I would never of stumbled in the first place.
I know this makes sense to you. It will never make any sense to me. The truth hurts and I've learned to accept it. I should of never came back after the first push. I just never saw it escalating because I believed every word you spoke.
I'm the fool. I can't dent that. But, lesson learned.
You said you felt the happiest when i was in a cage. As long as i was home with the kids playing the wifey role, it was all good. As long as you knew i was isolated with just the kids, no outside communication, you were happy.
You went to work, and lived YOUR life. That was YOUR time to do whatever and fuck whoever. It was not of any concern to me. It was YOUR life.
You didnt have to worry about me talking to anyone, so you knew you had everything covered.
Then you came home and a
Hadto switch roles to the FAMILY LIFE.
But there were times when YOUR life was hindered by rhe FAMILY life and that caused problems you didnt like.
So you picked fights. YOUR life was far more important. As long as i stayed quiet and questioned nothing, you were happy.
The momwnt in time when i spoke up and said enough of your games, you were highly offended.
The moment i started making something for my kids to have later in life, it required me to be out of my cage and communication was prevalent, you lost your mind. YOUR LIFE wasnt so easy to keep hidden. Then the drugs took control.
Your paranoia told you that if you were doing all those things begind my back, there was no way i wasnt doing the same.
If you were guilty, you decided i was just as guilty. You convinced yourself that there was no other way.
Your guilt destroyed everything. Thats truly an understatement.
I chased you for far too long. I spent far too long trying to make sense of it all. All you could do is run.
If i just left you alone you wouldnt have to deal with the reality and you could keep your alternate version alive as truth in your own mind.
You know you fucked up. You know what you did to us. Youre too much of a coward to face it though. You rather save yourself than than apologize to us. You rather live a lie than to make shit right. You rather watch us writhe in pain, and force us out than to seek help and be the man you claimed to be.
As long as you had control and left me in my cage, you were happy. As long as you got to live YOUR life unquestioned, you had the best time of your life.
You didnt bury all your secrets deep enough. But you did an excellent job of recovering them. I do wish Katy wasn't so scared of you so she could fill in the gaps for me. I cant imagine what games you played with her to make her go deep in hiding.
It dont matter though. The pieces all came together smooth enough on their own. It doesnt matter what comes out your mouth, the truth is there. You maybe a master with words, but youll never be able to rewrite the past for real.
Theres nothing respectable in you. Theres even less good. I bought your facade and believed every aspect of it. I tried so hard to bring out the best in you only to discover that was a digging for the nonexistant.
Im the idiot.
Youre a demon.
I may have been broke and busted down, and still slow to get up. But when i stand again, ill be firmly planted on a foundation that will last. I will rebuild something that wont crumble in the first wind. I will be stable and secure.
You will never know what that feels like. Youre quick to recover and will jump up with only one leg under you. You never have a foundations and you cut your roots long ago. The wind comes and you go with it.
Ill never allow another to cage me and keep me quiet. So i guess thank you for teaching me that lesson. But i will never feel anything good for you again. Theres no changing evil.
I have 2 high schoolers at home. My oldest graduated in 2017.
None of them know what crusin the high school is. I expalined it and they just stared at me like i had lost my mind.
Now when i pick them up, im bumpin. Im seriously thinking bout installing an amp and sub woofer again.
Im beyond greatful that none of my kids turned out to be like me at all at that age. I was seriously scared out of my mind. But i dont understand how contrast then and now is. Its craziness to me.
I kinda miss seeing kids cruisin tho.