u/Cheap-Shower-4340

That your ability to recreate past events and convince yourself it all happened outside of your imagination, is the exact reason you claim you love me.

You don't really love me. Nor do you really give a rats ass. But you recently convinced yourself it was true love coming from. You.

You were never the victim. You never cared for me. I wish you sought help to address your issues. Avoiding help is very selfish. You destroy everything around you and its not ok.

Never again

Stay clear

Trust no men

Avoid the fear

Painful truths

Fall from the skies

Blame me

Avoid your guilt

Punish me plenty

Destroy all we built

Cheat & deny

Pleasure to see me cry

Blackened eyes

Refused to ever answer WHY

You just asked "what was i supposed to say, that i was ok with your false accusations"?

No. Not at all. I would expect that if you actually cared at all, you would have taken my current situation into consideration and simply say "babe i know youre not feeling well, get some rest, ill talk to you tomorro". Or something on that line.

But, that would only come from someone who cared. Someone who wasnt always demanding that they are the only consideration.

It sickens me to hear you say you ever loved me. Theres not a pissible chance in hell you could do the vile shit you did to me and the kids if you loved at all.

I know you are incapable of dealing with reality, or accepting responsibility or taking accountability, but heres something you need to fully grasp:

Your mother put you threw hell early in life because she never properly adressed her own trauma. Your life never got any easier.

You refuse to address your trauma and set your past to rest for good. You put me and thelifs threw hell cuz of your unaddressed trauma.

What do you think would of happened to the kids had we not left? Dont u see they would of learned to repeat the cycle? Can you honestly say youd be ok with them sharing the pain and trauma you grew up with?

You wont ever see that. Youd never consider it. You only worry bout who is concerned with YOUR situations.

I see why you always told me i was so damn selfish. Its just you projecting.

I gave my all. You demaded more. You ensured me i was absolutely nothing to you.

To say im betond tired of argueing with you is an understatement. Watching paint dry is more productive.

So, i tell you what, have a fking blast with your stories. Whatever you want to blame me for, go right ahead. Im the villuan you say, ok then, paint that picture aa bright as you can!

You say you barely survived MY abuse, well, run with that veraion for sure!

You sware i had ninja assassins chasing you, stalking you, tracking you, recording you, and hacking every electronic devixe you possessed....go on, blame me!

You already executed me for living a secret life and cheating on you with every person i came across, so dont let that story go to waste!

You have said more times than i can count that it was I who has done nothing but lie about everything, that i never loved you, i only used you, i lied to the cops, i lied to the courts, i set you up, all based on my terrible lies....so i must be the ultimate liar.

And when ever you need to change up the plot for whatever reasons you do change them, do it until your heart is content.

I do not care what you need to ahift blame on me for. I dont care who you sell that garbage to. Have a grand time doing so. Trash my name until you cant do it anymore. Or do it til the day you die. I wont ever interupt you, correct you, or ever hinder that train of thought again.

You arw free to continue living your make believe world as you see fit. I wont reach out or check up on you again. You are 1000000% free of me!! I guarentee it!

You never have to worry about me saying something to your friends that will contradict your bs. I wont ever be around. No surprise visits or calls.

It dont matter who you fuck or what scheme youre running, ill never be the one to throw a wrench in the spokes. If you get caught up, its solely on you. But hey, if you still cant handle the accountability if you get called out, feel free to find a way to blame me! Ita what uou have done best!

Feel free to lie to yourself as much as possible to drown out all potencial aspects of reality seeping through. No one wants to see a grown man have a melt down cuz theres no one but himself to blame.

Im your fall guy! Lay it on me! Make me the villian of the century! I juat dont care anymore. I dont care if you self destruct. Well not IF, but WHEN. we both know you cant help it, uts just how you do it.

Im not bitter. Not angry. Disgusted for sure. Embaressed, yes! I gave you everything and more and you shit on me every chance you had. I feel sorry for those you fuck over next. No one deserves the wrath because youre too good to seek help and addressing your issues.

It is what it is. I am done trying to save you or going out of my way to prove myself to someone who only saw me as their source of entwrtianment and ease.

In about an hour n half, I'll be knocking on your door.

Fake as fuck

Friend or foe

Based on luck?

May never know

Truth & lies

Charm so slick

Trust slowly dies

It was only a trick

Clear as glass

Many masks

Show some class

Dreadful tasks

Token gestures

Never one to listen

Anger left to fester

Tears not meant to glisten

To be in your frame of mind. You are not the first person to ever convince yourself of a false reality.

But it has proven to be a detrimental issue. I'm sorry youtake offense to that.

You are not an addict with their head on straight or in a proper mind set.

You have not been an addict with compete Control of yourself. I'm sorry, but it's just not true.

When we met, you ended up in a psychosis.

When you relapsed, psychosis came again.

I cant ever convince you this is true. You won't ever take it Into consideration. That really fucking hurts. I always encouraged you to be the best you can be. Even if it meant to be without .me.

Keep that in mind as you replay visions in your head of the things you claim I did. Nothing added up cuz it' wasn't then nor is it now, a version of me that I'll ever fit into. And you know this.

I know you have memories you claim you know were real. You saw, you heard, you felt, you smelled so many things and your brain has no doubt it was all taking place.

That's psychosis.

The problem, it was your mind making shit up.

You can't recall when you kicked me out, forced me on the streets, told my kids you didn't know why I just left. How you screamed daily when I lived there for me to get the fck out as you couldn't stand me.

You're memory says I just left for no reason. I left you at your lowest and didn't care. I cant argue with you anymore. It's draining. There is nothing I can do or say to get you to hear me out.

The only things you want to hear is that everything you have "memories" of and everything you "just know" are actually true. You want to be told I set out to fk ur world over and had no regard for you at all,ever.

I'm sorry, I can't admit to things that never happened. I can't be remorseful for what I never even Contimplated.

You'll never know exactly what you did to me andwherw it left me. Your mind can't go there I guess.

You pushed and shoved until I went face first over the edge.then you blamed me for not being able to withstand it all. You switched roles and claimed to be the victim,you've repeated me verbatim countless times. You give me advice that only applies to you. It's frustrating to say the least.

Maybe I'm so very wrong. Maybe it wasn't a psychosis. Maybe you knew all along what nasty games you were playing and rhe malice and evil intent was purposed. Either way, it was you all along.

I know it is most likely pain staking to hear yourself speak truth, especially regarding me.

I know you operate the way you do because it's a matter of survival and protecting yourself. It's all you know.

I know you have walls 10 miles thick that reach the heavens and have no intention of decreasing them.

I know behind those walls is a very fragile young boy, who is forever trapped there, cuz ita safer.

I know you want a best friend, your family, and a normal calm life.

I know you will never trust what you have out of fear, so you'll always destroy what you have before it strikes first.

I know you say you prefer solitude, but loneliness and quiet terrify you.

I know you better than you'll ever acknowledge, cuz you refuse to accept your walls are transparent to me.

But

What you fail to understand

I never ever would of left, had you took the time to acknowledge the hell you dragged threw.

I wouldn't ask for an apology, but merely recognize what you've done.

I meant it when I said forever. Forever isn't always rainbows and glitter. I was ready to burn in your personal hell, at your side, forever.

I never asked for expensive things. Nor flowers or other gifts.

I never wanted to be put on a ridiculous pedestal or ever have praised sang to me.

I just wanted, begged for, your attention. I just wanted you to treat me like you knew I was forever.

Even now, if you weren't so hell bent on making your rewritten version a reality, just stop the bs, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

But you push and shove. My patience and abilty to withstand it is gone. You successfully took that away. It only takes a snide remark, hateful tone, or another garbage filled fabricated accusation to use an excuse to justify your actions. And I'm done. I walk. I'll leave you in silence for extended periods.

There's a bond that I cant destroy. I can't sever it. And after everything you've put me threw, you can't erase it either. So I reach out. Mostly to check in on you.

I don't wish for things to finally work out, I don't hold hope for a differnt outcome. I know better. Simply cuz you'll never treat me any differnt.

I'll never stop loving you. But I'll never give it to you again. It must remain buried and a distant memory that I avoid running across. I cant be hurt by your "love" again. I can't be dependent or reliant on you again. I cant put those blinders back on. I cant be controlled again. You took that from me too.

I never asked much. I still don't. But if you're gonna sell me the love story, I expect a sliver of respect from you. And that only requires you to stop lying to yourself, stop selling me the same lies.

The past needs to stay in the past. It's done.its gone. It can't be changed. It most definitely does not need to be a daily topic. Especially when you continue to rewrite it.

I'd move mountains. I'd dry up oceans. I'd bring you all the stars and heavens, if you just stopped the games.

I guess that's asking far too much. This is why I know you never actually loved, maybe cared for a minute, but never ever loved.

So, good bye. I cant do it anymore. Not because I have an endless supply of men to entertain me. Not because my attention must be elsewhere. It's ONLY cuz you won't change a damn thing. You won't do a damn thing to show me I'm wrong.

So be it.

Maybe I'll check in months from now.

Maybe, this was the last time.

....Look at your phone when you first awake,

Looking for my gm msg?

.....Feel a sorrow and maybe your heart has a slight ache,

If I didn't send my love?

....Get excited to see my name across your screen,

And eager to reply,

....Take my words as just more to be unseen?

Tell your self, why even try?

Do you ever want to let go of the past, forget it all

And become what we were once before the down fall?

Or is holding onto the pain more comforting?

It will never shock me, or surprise me, it's just jaw dropping to see how easy you can rewrite history and completely change actual events into a polar opposite of what really transpired.

For the words "I barely survived you" to come out of your mouth....BRAVO! ENCORE!

I wish like hell you would of explained this story line! I'm DYING to know what the newest version you sell is.

Soooo much time has passed and you're still changing your stories. How come? Need more sympathy? Are the people you engage with truly that sense that they haven't noticed the plot constantly changes and is more dramatic? Or are they just as fake as you and don't really care enough to pay attention? It's hard to say cuz either way, it's suiting.

But damn! I wanna know how you "barely survived" me!!! How did you evolve that plot?? I can only imagine!

Sometimes I think of how detrimentally funny it would be to introduce myself and let your circles get to know ME. Boy oh boy! You wouldn't have any friends again. Cuz well, your true colors can't be concealed.

How many times did I punch you in the head so the cops couldn't see the brushes? Oh wait, that was you.

How bad was that concussion? Oh, yeah, that was something you gave me.

How many times did I bust your face open? Oops, again, that was my face not yours.

How many people was I sleeping with and losing my mind trying to keep a secret life flowing smoothly......oh oh oh....my bad. THAT WAS ALL YOU.

The mind fuck. The insane games and lies. The drugs. It was you, no matter how many times you create another plot.

Sell a lie to a million people, it will never make it a truth.

And you declare you're so wise. Please!

You will never be anything more than a heap of trash.

And that,

Is a YOU PROBLEM.

I want to be one of the love letters telling you I'd never let go and I have hope for a beautiful future still. I want to write poems if my heart still beating for only you. I want to be leaving a trail of notes declaring I'm devoted and waiting still. I wish I could say your hands are still the last ones to touch me because I only want you still.

I miss waking up with you on my mind and galling asleep with a smile because of your image.

I want to miss playing with you and making each other laugh. I want to have that craving of just being in your presence like so long ago.

I wish I had the receipts of my undying love posted and you stumble across them and take the time to read every word, and those words melt your heart.

But the reality of it is, I don't feel anything anymore. The hatred has faded. The love seems like it never happened. Your name leaves a bad taste in my mouth, so I don't speak it anymore.

I'm rarely on here anymore. There's no reason to even scroll here. I don't want to know what your thinking and actually post. It's not a concern anymore. Unfortunately your writing is very distinct and I have read more than I want still. I know when your words are directed to me and when they are going to others. It's still the same song and dance with you, no matter who the intended audience truly is.

You killed the best that you'll ever find. You obliterated everything you claimed to have wanted all along. You cry victim still. But I know better and have no sympathy for the games.

You're too damn old to still walk that line. But then again, you never bothered to look back and make adjustments, you never bothered trying, never bothered to grow up.

So you can still hope to answer the phone and discover my voice on the other end but just know, I don't have the desire to reach out again. I won't call or text. I won't be found passing threw your part of town.

You took everything from me. Now, I have come to accept that and have no desire to recollect what I used to have. Life is better with a lessor load.

I still have not been touched by another. Its not a gift for you. It's just what makes me happy. I'm ok with the silence. I don't fear solitude. My world spins on its own again and it's going to stay that way.

So, goodbye for the very last time. You Know what you did. I don't need to remind you. It's been a nasty road to finding me again, and I certainly won't drift off this road again. Bye David. That's the last time I speak that name.

Assuming the vents right below the windshield is the air intake, that would mean the exit in through the cars inside vents. The glitter wouldn't be passing threw any vital components right?

And id still be waiting to be shown how wrong i was.

Words cant show anything, no matter what one does.

Seeing is believing, or so they say.

But feelings arise with genuine presence and no price to pay.

To feel is better than to see.

To hear pretty words is all you gave me.

A foolish man will enjoy a good gamble.

Cautious still he wont be left to ramble.

A careless man, now he will bet it all.

High stakes bets lead to his downfall.

With loosing everything he just shrugs

His all was never desired, as his shoes covered with mud.

Im no door mat i told you many times.

You really only saw a rag doll lesser a dime.

No more tears for you or bleeding wounds.

Truth made itself seen faster than you assumed.

Fake as fake can be.

Lies told needlessly.

Game played out.

I see what youre about.

You're tired and worn. Worse than a woman scorned.

Pity party all for one.

I dont care anymore, you had your fun.

Ill stand and walk freely again.

Youll lie to yourself yet never have a real good friend.

Words are only words, hidden meanings, twists and bends.

Seeing is believing when truth is within, i wish it didnt take so long for us to end

Im just gonna say this, you have got to seek help. Its aweful to know you truly took a victim role and cry out that i just left for no reason. Or to cry out that i cant take responsibility to my behavior. The only way i could of possibly gurt you, was when i spoke up and said enough. Then after you pushed the last tine, i didnt resist, i ealjed away.

I cant believe you ever cared. You proved you just didnt

And you showed a lack of concern for me every day in the final months.

The part you keep leaving out is, you rewrote history. You erased loosing control to the dope and letting your imagination take over. You never had to respond to what i was doing because i spent years frozen in shock and confusion.

Until you can jog your memory and bring reality back into play, there can never be that convo about any of it. I cant make you stop lying to yourself. I cant force you to recall actual events or a real timeline. I tried harder than i should to encourage you to take rhe proper steps, but you get off on the versions you created. You lije being the victim, its far easier to swallow.

Its not ghosting you when i stop reaching out cuz you blicjed ne AGAIN. Its me sayin im done with your games. So go ahead and keep me blocked.

If you hear me yelling "it's hot in here", while I'm being woken up by drowning in sweat, for the love of anything, do not try to correct me by interjecting "it's not hot, it's humid".

I won't go into the mood you're going go send me into, or the uncontrollable rage. But regardless of what the relative humidity is or the outdoor ambient temperature maybe, the pool of sweat I'm drowning in says ITS FLIPPING HOT.

And please don't tell me that 65°F is not hot either. If I'm drenched in sweat, I'm HOT and not happy.

Let's keep this civil for the sake of the nerves I have left. Life is hard enough. We don't need to try to convince me verbally that my internal thermostat is incorrect.

Thank you. I'm going to go shower now.

I don't know how much longer I can do this life. I'm 48. My son is graduating. My youngest is almost 17. My oldest is 26.

We live with my folks.

I had an up and coming business, do pretty well ($200k+ annually) until 2019. Then a nasty downward spiral knocked me on my ass and I cannot get my shit together still.

I'm sick and tired of working for pennies just to make the top brass rich. I'm disgusted with the insane prices of everything. Knowing it ain't gonna get any better, I'm just done.

I bought a car I planned on giving my son for graduation. It's used. It needed some TLC, nothing I couldn't handle myself. I got it back in February. Still haven't registered it because it's turning into a damn money pit. I was anticipating receiving a new car for myself around the same time, but that turned out to be a major bust.

I'm physically falling apart and I'm not old enough to be this bad off. Doctor can't figure out what's going on.

I carry on everyday like its all good. But I'm literally dying on the inside. I'm exhausted. I'm burnt out. I'm done.

Hey jack...aka superman....change your damn number already! I'm waiting on you so I can change mine. If I change mine first, there's too big of a chance there will be a drunken moment of dialing your number. If that happens then I gotta change it again. I can't remember a damn 4 digit pin or a password for anything. I'm not trying to change my number anymore than necessary.

You said you were changing it. Or was that just another lie?

And theres nothing good behind that facade. Sadly.

Hell tell you otherwise. Hell make sure you best damn believe it too.

Hes damn good at making you believe his every word is finely woken silk strands of gold that could never bare the weight of dishonesty.

And youll gladly pay for his words. Youll put everything in them, youll never see youre going to end up broke in the end though.

Youre still paying for that facade. As long as you pay, itll stay intact and just barely out of reach. Keep on running sweetheart, he said youll reach it, but you have to really want it.

If you really love him, of course youll keep running. Who wouldnt? The facade is so beautiful. Its filled with things you didnt know could exist. Rarity, heaven produced, and you can hear it begging to be captured in love.

You want so badly to be the victor. To be the one who finally proved enough love to be consumed with the facade and have the eternal flame all to your self. You have gone to great lengths, fought impossible battles, cried oceans, felt insufferable pain, all at his hand, so you are determined to make it all worth while.

His words said thats what youll receieve, if you prove to be real. If you're true. If you are there really for him and him alone. His word is gold. How could you doubt it, any of it?

Youre quick to forget and easily overlook at the holes in his words. You dismissed his contraditions and endlessly evolving stories. Youre convinced that the puzzle will be whole as soon as you catch his facade.

So dont slow down. Keep pressing threw and run faster. He wont wait forever. Stay focused on the small glimmer that keeps catching the light that ensures you that its all real.

Never question anything, especially his words of gold. Thats a quarentee youll never reach your goal.

Dont look back and piece anything together. Its safer that way. And by all means, never ever take into consideration just how many others already have ran this race or how many are competing with you now.

After all, he told you that theres no one else. He told you, youre his One. He told you and only you all the truths. He said he dont lie. He said he dont lie to himself.

His words are pure truth, finely spun strands of golden silk that you are still paying to keep alive. Dont go for broke now!

Cuz the moment you stand and take a good look around, the weight of embarrassment, humilaition, devistation, shock, devistation and truth is more than you can afford. That pretty facade becomes transparent and you find youre left with nothing but pretty little empty words.

Just a friendly reminder... when you are the "other" woman, dont be so foolish to believe you have a faithful, honest man.

He "chose" you. But do you have any idea how many more of "you" there are? Its a super naive stance to believe hes all the sudden honest now.

But thank you. Hes all yours. Well and hers, hers and hers. Its hardly a loss on my end.

One day, youll have your blinders ripped off and the blinding truth will take you for a ride youre not ready for. Its a bitch of a ride. And the pills to swallow....i cant even describe it.

Go on and do your dance and take a victory lap.

The rest of us will be laughing at you soon enough.

"Another one bites the dust"